I just got My Fan-Fic closed

[kitsune_boy389]

I'm new to the whole idea of Fan-Fics, I post my first chapter and within ten seconds, it's closed. I also got a peson to make me a fantastic banner. Can someone tell me what's so wrong with it. The link is at the bottom of this post in the sig

 

[spareux]

"Ohmaigawd

You have no idea how to write a fic without making the character a gary stu? Koji is afraid of pokemon, untill suddenly he gets a vulpix! You go from having a good character quirk to dismissing it in what, one/two scentences.

Then you have a 10 year old spot a baby legendary.

You have the ten year old defeat and capture the baby legendary in one chapter which is short and flat at best. WHERE IS THE MOTHER LUGIA? HMM? Seriously if her baby is so pathetic one low level vulpix can defeat it with ember, will o wisp and quick attack, I would expect big bad mama ready to EAT whatever dare harm her baby.

:/ god this is just... go read the damn Advice for Aspiring Authors thread, put more effort into a real plot, or atleast making it realistic, and the same for your characters.

God."


Surely that post from your old thread summarises why it was closed???

EDIT: Forgot to add, I agree with what the other people said! Your chapter was just too unbelieveable.

 

[Castform]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ohmaigawd

You have no idea how to write a fic without making the character a gary stu? Koji is afraid of pokemon, untill suddenly he gets a vulpix! You go from having a good character quirk to dismissing it in what, one/two scentences.

Then you have a 10 year old spot a baby legendary.

You have the ten year old defeat and capture the baby legendary in one chapter which is short and flat at best. WHERE IS THE MOTHER LUGIA? HMM? Seriously if her baby is so pathetic one low level vulpix can defeat it with ember, will o wisp and quick attack, I would expect big bad mama ready to EAT whatever dare harm her baby.

:/ god this is just... go read the damn Advice for Aspiring Authors thread, put more effort into a real plot, or atleast making it realistic, and the same for your characters.

God.

Read what yami Ryu said...

1st of all your chapter was too short. Also You had your main character catch a legendary!?!?! That really is kind of uber if you ask me. And the vulpix defeated the legendary in THREE attacks, I really agree with everything Yami Ryu said. I would have made a longer post but i have to go now.

 

[kitsune_boy389]

Well I really couldn't see whats wrong with it. If a person has a fear of pokemon, and then he finds a baby legendary all cute and cuddly, of course he's going to want it so therefore, lose his fear. If you can catch the legendaries in the games, why not in fan fics.
Would it be okay if he found a really badly injured Lugia, hes still afraid but he trie\s to help it. He takes it to the pokemon centre and rather than capturing, it becomes a good friend that travels with him on his journey that he'll go on after something - i don't know what will cure his fear. Yet - happens.
HAPPY?

 

[kitsune_boy389]

PS IU've taken his advise

 

[Nylf]

Here, try this:-

Kid is like...4. Yeah, 4.

Kid meets legendary baby.

Kid meets momma, who is abviously p***ed at some human going near her child.

Momma nearly kills kid.

Kid left traumatised.

Work from there for the fear an getting Lugia kid in plot.

And cute and cuddly? I find spiders that, yet people still have arachnophobia.

Fear is typically overcome by pure strength of will. They usually must WANT their fear to stop, or find it's a stupid fear after a large number of situations which help them realize this.

Watch the eight movie. The kid in it is afraid of Pokemon, and two 'cute and cuddly' Plusle and Minun take a good portion of the movie to help him overcome it, and they showed him Pokemon aren't that bad.

And seriously, Legendaries. In game, meh. In story, ffs Ho-oh can come back from the dead, Lugia can create storms just by leaving the ocean, Mew originated all Pokemon, Rayquaza is over 3 million years old, Suicune can purify water, Celebi can travel through time...

Need I say more? THE LEGENDARIES ARE POWERFUL. In Lugia's case, it's a FORCE OF NATURE. You don't have a ten year old mess with nature.

My 2p.

 

[spareux]

Well I really couldn't see whats wrong with it. If a person has a fear of pokemon, and then he finds a baby legendary all cute and cuddly, of course he's going to want it so therefore, lose his fear. If you can catch the legendaries in the games, why not in fan fics.
Would it be okay if he found a really badly injured Lugia, hes still afraid but he trie\s to help it. He takes it to the pokemon centre and rather than capturing, it becomes a good friend that travels with him on his journey that he'll go on after something - i don't know what will cure his fear. Yet - happens.
HAPPY?

Don't ask 'would it be alright if.' I find it annoys some people. And games=/=anime
and games=/=manga. Read tips for Aspiring Authors. It explains how Legendaries imbalance stories.


PS: Don't double post.

 

[Jonouchi]

Well I really couldn't see whats wrong with it. If a person has a fear of pokemon, and then he finds a baby legendary all cute and cuddly, of course he's going to want it so therefore, lose his fear. If you can catch the legendaries in the games, why not in fan fics.
Would it be okay if he found a really badly injured Lugia, hes still afraid but he trie\s to help it. He takes it to the pokemon centre and rather than capturing, it becomes a good friend that travels with him on his journey that he'll go on after something - i don't know what will cure his fear. Yet - happens.
HAPPY?

No, Definetly NO. If he's afraid, he's afraid, regardless of whether it was harmless or not. Watch the 7th Pokemon movie and you'll notice that Tory was afraid of every Pokemon he sees.

Befriending legendaries, I can understand, but a whimpy boy and a weak Pokemon catching a legendary? NO! And if I were him, I'd take care of him myself with whatever help I can give him. Not a Pokemon center.

Read the Advice for Aspiring Authors thread, if you're confused

 

[Yami Ryu]

Well I really couldn't see whats wrong with it. If a person has a fear of pokemon, and then he finds a baby legendary all cute and cuddly, of course he's going to want it so therefore, lose his fear.

Um. NO. Evidently you have no concept of fear and phobias :/ I had a fear of spiders. And at first I could only stand SMALL spiders. Why? Because Jumping Spiders ate flies, and I knew aslong as I didn't go after them, they wouldn't go after me. Now I have gotten over my aracnophobia finally, but I can still be freaked out badly by them, and don't want to touch them.

Also might I point out, the person in the Deoxys Movie, I forget his name, did not just SUDDENLY overcome HIS fear of Pokemon. Even if how he got it was lame :/

If you can catch the legendaries in the games, why not in fan fics.

Because in the games you're sorta supposed too if you want to complete your dex :/ and also. Game Wise: Legendaries stay in one spot. I doubt in a real setting they would be all DOOH LETS SEE IF SOMEONE CAN CATCH US TODAY

Would it be okay if he found a really badly injured Lugia, hes still afraid but he tries to help it.

First of all: How would a Lugia be badly injured? Secondly, what would be powerfull enough to harm it? If it's a baby- the mother would still be there. If it's an adult then I doubt the Lugia would stick around to be captured. I don't think a Lugia would beach itself near humans.

He takes it to the pokemon centre and rather than capturing, it becomes a good friend that travels with him on his journey

... how does he get it there without capturing? And do you know how cliche that is?

Edit: ... if you mean me in your double post I am female -_-

 

[Leon Phelps]

There isn't anything wrong with having legendaries in fics. The author has to have enough skills to make a nice, balanced story. If you are new to writing, don't attempt anything that massive.

Here's what you should do:

Read the Advice Thread.
Think about what Yami Ryu said.
Revamp your story.
PM it to a willing reviewer.

 

[Orange_Flaaffy]

There have been good fics where the character captures a legendary but they are very rare. In fact I think there was a fairly well known one with a baby Lugia character in it...

The thing is, well written fics of that type are so few that people seem to lash out at anyone who even thinks about using such an idea, and I'm sorry to say, Kitsune, that your fic does not do anything to remove their fears.

The way I see it, there are so many different pokemon that you really don't need to even touch upon legendaries and you could still find a pokemon type that has just as much depth to add to your plot...

It is not very well thought out, but I do see that your character did not just suddenly get his Vulpix...

I think that you can fear one type of pokemon and not another, (like, say, ones that are bugs, or cat types) but you made it seem as if he fears all pokemon.

If I had a fear of pokemon, a Lugia, no matter how small, would not be something I would even get near to, let alone try to battle..

 

[Burnt Flower]

Is it too hard to PM a fanfic mod asking why your fic was closed? ;

 

[PDL]

Is it too hard to PM a fanfic mod asking why your fic was closed? ;

perhaps he wanted to drag it out and make a big spectical?

 

[Ryano Ra]

Is it too hard to PM a fanfic mod asking why your fic was closed? ;

That's what I'm trying to figure out. ;;

Anyways, doing what you did in that fanfiction is writing lethal-suicide, it keeps to undergo a huge nip-and-tuck before it kills us. I can understand exactly where you are coming from in the whole aspect of 'capturing legendaries in games', but there's one word that's the main key; game. In games, some things can happen that won't happen in the real world of where the game is based off of. For example, in the game, you are trying to catch all of the Pokemon. In the anime/OT fanfictions, you want to become the greatest trainer (and sure, you might want to catch all of the Pokemon, but even trainers know about legendaries and their rarity across the three/four regions). Sure, they might see them, but definitely not in the first chapter and not try and capture them.

Sure, the Frontier Brains might have legendaries, but they are not just ordinary people/trainerpeoples. Their strength is much farther beyond common man and therefore, might give them the ability to control and instantly befriend them, working together. I mean, a baby legendary AT THAT makes things worse, because we will wonder why it is alone. There's the mother Lugia, out hunting for wild Raichu and Munchlax? It is plainly serious upon the subject, and it takes A LOT of experience in order to work with a legendary in a fanfiction. Capturing a baby is not good whatsoever. Take the legendary out and perhaps write just a regular OT. Gain experience and slowly add one legendary into the plot, and read other stories and use legendaries in unique ways (with them being FREE, not possessed by trainers or people on any occasions).

 

[icemew]

Um...why does it have to be a Lugia anyway? Why not some more normal pokemon? Is there some particular importance to Lugia in your story?

 

[kitsune_boy389]

Okay. I'll try again. sorry about being stubborn. When I'm ready, i'll retry the fic.

 

[Jonouchi]

If you want, you can get someone to look at your fic for you if you think it won't work

 

[BirthdayPirate]

Well, I'll be brutally honest here. This thread sucks. Why? Because of everyone involved. Besides the starter, of course. I know that isn't what anyone expected to here, but none of the replies are thought out at all. So far you've told him it's too short, tried to create a plot for him, told him how the world works in his work of fantasy, and condemned his fic because a legendary was involved. And yet, no one has told him why his fic was closed. Wasn't that kind of the point?

To kitsune: first of all, you must realize that the community here has some very specific rules, which can be a bit restrictive, but still must be adhered to if you want to post here. If you want critical acclaim, stretch everything in that first chapter out to ridiculous lengths and explain every little bit of what is going on. If you want to retain your original vision while not getting the fic closed, I'd suggest lengthening the chapter to include the events just after this battle or pointing out to someone that your fic breaks no rules...

 

[Breezy]

Oh Mr. Jackknight. They just try to help. Some things weren't needed to be suggested like the new plot, but explaining the difference between a phobia and fear and how people get fears was obviously needed in order to develop character developement better.

His fic was most likely close because it wasn't written well and wasn't able to comply to the fanfic rules. However, I thought this forum was the two strikes or its closed deal. Or was that updated too? ._.

 

[RaZoR LeAf]

In future, PM a moderator and ask them why your fanfic was closed.