• We are currently experiencing a flood of requests from bots scraping the forums. Unfortunately it has gotten to the point where it is negatively impacting the site. As a result the forums may be slow and you may periodically experiance an error message. We are aware of the problem and apologize for the inconvenience.
  • Be sure to join the discussion on our discord at: Discord.gg/serebii
  • If you're still waiting for the e-mail, be sure to check your junk/spam e-mail folders

I wish I could tell you how much I love you...(contestshipping) PG

shervin

Pokemon Coordinator
Hikari is now Dawn.

Chapter 6

“I don’t believe it!” exclaimed May. Drew was too stunned to speak. All eyes were fixed on the couple as they walked towards the counter. Even Nurse Joy was taken aback.

In Shinou, Dawn’s face lit up at the television report when May’s name was mentioned. “Oh! May! Its May!” She exclaimed. But her facial expression turned to horror. “What’s up Dawn?” asked a raven-haired teenager beside her. He too fell silent when he saw the report.

“That’s not right!” said Ash slightly puzzled.
“What do you mean?” asked Brock, a brown-haired man beside him.
“You know May and I went out last year?” Ash asked Brock.
“Hmm…” Brock thought back. “Oh yes! I remember it now.”
While the two boys chatted, Dawn listened attentively. A Hoppip bounced past her and she failed to listen to the rest of the conversation.

“We’re on air in 5 … 4… 3 … 2… 1…” A sudden beep indicated that the television station was now broadcasting. “I’ve just had breaking news!” said a soft voice. It was Mary. Her pink hair was tied back into a bun. She was wearing a formal suit she often wore for news reading. “We’ve just had a viewer phone in and it is now confirmed that the image broadcasted earlier this evening was doctored. Repeat, the image broadcasted earlier this evening was doctored. I’m sorry for any inconveniences caused.” Mary walked out into the preparation room and whipped out her pink cell phone. She punched in a couple of numbers and held the mobile phone close to her ear.

“Hello? Haley? I’m ashamed at you! How dare you send that photograph in?!” Mary screamed down the phone, her rampage continued, “The first rule of journalism is to never lie!!” How could you?!”

“I’m sorry Aunt Mary, I promised never to do it again” Haley sobbed into her cell phone. It was true, she had doctored the photograph. She took the picture several seconds before May and Drew’s kiss. She was too early.

Meanwhile in Sinnoh, a young teen with brown hair jumped up and high-fived Ash. “Thanks Todd!” Ash said to the other teen. They had known each other for years and the only way of quelling Ash’s suspicion was to bring in a professional photographer for the job. “Anytime, Ash!”

Drew and May were relieved. If that photograph had been true, May would have gone into permanent hibernation.

“I’ll get you some day, May!” screeched Haley. She stormed into her room to hatch another devious plan.

“Hello?”
“Ash?”
“Hi May! Its me! The news!”
“I know! Who called the news?”
“It was me and Todd!”
“Oh thanks guys! I’ll find some way to repay you. I’ll do anything.”
“That’s alright May, we are friends after all.”
“I’ve got a contest tomorrow so I better go to bed early.”
Ok, goodnight.”
“You too Ash.”

With this, May returned to her room. All the rooms were full so May and Drew were forced to share a room. They pushed the two beds apart so that they were on opposite sides of the room. They started to unpack.

Meanwhile, two floors up, a purple haired guy dressed in a Cacturne costume punched a few numbers into his mobile.

“Hello, Haley Thorn speaking.”
“Why hello there sis, good job. You nearly, repeat nearly, humiliated that stupid May. Criticise my cookies she did. It was a special recipe, Thorn-Melt-In-the-Mouth.”
Haley gasped. It was a recipe perfected by their grandmother.
“We’ll show her.” They both shouted down the phone.

As they were unpacking, something fell out of Drew’s backpack. It was bright blue and made of very soft material. May bent down to pick it up for him.

“Aww, little Drewy’s still got his baby blanket.”
“Give it back! It’s the only thing I have from my birth parents. I was separated from them long ago.” Tears welled up in Drew’s eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry.”

May went into the bathroom to change. Drew sat on his bed looking at his childhood blanket.
Will I ever find them again?

The next day, they both went down to the contest hall. As they walked, they bumped into Harley.

“Well hey there, Drew and May.” He continued, “I saw the little news report last night.” He giggled. “Don’t you make a cute couple?”

May clenched her fists, just about to lunge for Harley when Drew grabbed her and tried to restrain her. “Calm down May!” he cried.

“Well, I’ll just be creaming you two in this afternoon’s contest!” He laughed and strolled off casually.

“Aaaargh! He is so annoying!” May screamed.
“Save it May, he’s not worth it. Let’s go get some soda.” They both walked off to the nearby café.

____________

I hope you liked that chapter. It is rather short but the next one will be longer because of the contest. Drew's parents will also be explained more.
 

HelloKitty17

therocketsummer</3
You're right, it was short. It was also a little bit rushed and confusing to me. It was still good though.

The baby blanket thing with Drew was interesting.

Anyways, update soon. =)
 

Ayra

~Master Coordinator~
Way too short, rushed, and confusing. You need to lengthen the chapters and don't rush through the storyline, you need to add more detail and drag out the storyline a little. This chapter wasn't up to your usual standard. Just take your time and make sure that the chapter is as good as it can be before you post it.

~Ayra~;267;
 

aipom_fan

Well-Known Member
well it was just rushing a little so it was hard to tell wat from wat. thank godness that ash and todd stop it in time but i wonder wat would have happen if they didn't. wonder if ash still has feeling for may even if they went out last year. drew is kind of OOC in the part with the blanket, but it tell more bout him. kind of short but nice.

can't wait for the next chapter.
 

shervin

Pokemon Coordinator
exams are over. but I'm out of ideas. I'll write as soon as i think of something interesting. i'm sorry guys!
 

Ayra

~Master Coordinator~
Don't worry! Just take your time okay? Don't try to force things out, let it come out on its own.

~Ayra~;267;
 

flygonrulz

Don't leave me!
Grrrrrr! I hate him too, May! *beats up Harley with May* ... *Beats up HALEY with May* Yaaaaaay! The day is saved! Da da daaaa! XD Nice chappies! I haven't tuned in for ages: busy, busy, busy ya know? But I'm glad I finally got to reading it! Wahoooo!
 

Animelover1996

DAML 4eva!! ^^
yeah, this is a great story! *beats up Harley with Flygonrulz and May*
.....yeah, we all hate Harley...... ^^;
 

shervin

Pokemon Coordinator
Chapter 7!!!!!!

Chapter 7----

“And Now! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The Goldenrod City Contest!” shouted the brown-haired Katherine. A cheer went up from the crowd. All the seats were filled with enthusiastic fans. “Right! We’ll get on with the preliminaries!” Katherine continued, “First up I have Harley from Blackthorn City!” Harley ran on stage, waving to the psyched up audience. He stopped in the middle of the stage. He smiled. He tossed a pokéball in the air, “Go, Octillery!” A red octopus-like creature appeared on stage with a cry. “Substitute, then Flash Cannon!” The Octillery obeyed its master’s command. It glowed a bright pink as it summoned power from within itself to make a copy. Eventually, a copy of Octillery emerged from the original’s body. It then aimed its snout at the copy. “Ready, aim, fire!!” screeched Harley. A bright yellow orb appeared as it gathered energy. The orb was released at high speed towards the substitute. The copy exploded with a bright yellow light on impact. The audience cheered. “Next, we have Bobby with Squirtle!” Katherine told the audience as Harley ran off stage.

“Not bad, right May?” Harley sneered. May clenched her fists. She rose up from the waiting room bench. “What do you mean by that, Harley?”
“Hmph, I’m not wasting my breath on you!” said Harley coolly as he walked out.
“Grr…. That Harley!” May simmered.

“And here’s Drew!” announced Katherine. The crowd roared with excitement. A couple of fan girls and cheerleaders squealed as Drew did his signature hair flicking.
“Come on out! Absol!” Drew jumped and threw a pokéball. The Absol appeared with a shower of sparks. “Use Will-o-wisp, then future sight!” Several blobs of fire appeared around Absol that flew out towards the sides of the stage. They reflected off the sides and started closing in on Absol. Just before they hit, they exploded into miniature purple fireworks. The crowd cheered in appreciation. “That was brilliant!” exclaimed one of the judges. “Remarkable” said another.

The other contestants performed their appeals as May watched the screen in the waiting room.

“And now, last but not least, May from Odale Town!” The spectators screeched in delight. May ran up the steps, onto the stage and gave a wave to the audience. “Come on out!” She thought about it. Then remembered the secret pokémon her grandfather, Pryce, gave her. “Piloswine! Reflect!” The furry pokémon appeared with a grunt. It made a miniature force field around itself. “Now, Avalanche!” May’s Piloswine shuddered and large ice blocks came down hard on it. The ice blocks bounced off the force field and shattered into little ice crystals that shimmered in the light.

“Now, all our contestants have impressed our judges, who will be through to the next round? Join us in five minutes while we count the scores and votes!”

An old man rose of his seat in a little house in Mahogany Town. “So, she’s used it.” he said to a Mamoswine who was eating its lunch. It looked up at the man, and then continued eating again.

“And, we’re back with the Goldenrod Contest!” Katherine announced, “And the four contestants through to the battle round are, May! Drew! Harley! And Bobby! On arena one is May versus Drew, and on arena two is Harley against Bobby!”

“Blaziken! Flamethrower!”
“Absol! Dodge!”
The battle between May and Drew raged. Points were gradually going down on both sides. “Sky Uppercut!” Blaziken positioned its final attack. “Quick Absol! Double Team!” Drew’s Absol split into a few copies. Blaziken lunged for an Absol. The wrong one. The copy faded away. “Shadow Ball!” shouted Drew. A purple and black orb struck Blaziken in the back. It fell to the floor, knocked out. “And the winner is Drew!” announced Katherine. “And over in arena two, Harley is the winner!” May’s head drooped. She returned the worn out pokémon to its pokéball. She walked out of the hall. She sat slumped in the waiting room.

“Come on out! Absol!”
“Out you go! Wigglytuff!”
“Slash!” commanded Drew. The Absol obeyed.
“Dodge!” shouted Harley to his pink fluffy pokémon. It avoided the attack. Points went down. “Razor Wind!” said Drew. The Absol paused to build up power.
“Wrong move!” Harley giggled. “Focus Punch!”
The Wigglytuff ran in, building up power as it ran. The Absol was still building power. Just before it hit, Drew shouted, “Now!” The Absol hit the Wigglytuff in a weak spot, making it a critical hit. “Noooooo!” screeched Harley. “It can’t be!”
“And the winner of the Goldenrod Contest is Drew!” The crowd cheered.

Later on, after receiving his prize, the tall, green-haired Drew strolled into the waiting room where May was sat, slumped in the corner.. “You gave a good battle May.” Drew told her. She sniffed. “Hey, listen,” Drew broke the awkward silence; “There’s a ball tonight at the radio station. If you wanna go then...”
“You mean, on a date?” May asked silently.
“Must be your lucky day.” Drew replied. As he walked out, he threw a gift to May: a yellow rose.


--

I hope you like it. And should I do chapter 8 like a song chapter?
 
Last edited:

HelloKitty17

therocketsummer</3
Hmm, well. You really need to work on the length of your chapters, but I liked the combinations you used for the contest, they fit very well. Also, the ending was cute with Drew asking May to the ball, I hope you are doing the ball in the next chapter. As for what you asked about doing the next chapter as a song, I would say no, I am not a fan of song fics, and I kinda think it would destroy the flow of the story if you did, but that's just my opinion. I don't think I spotted any mistakes, but really the length should be longer. Other than that, it was a good chapter.
=]
 

shervin

Pokemon Coordinator
Thanks. I will definitely make the next chapter longer. (I've said it a lot of times but I WILL!!!) lol. I got to figure out what they're doing at the ball now. Back to the drawing board!
 

aipom_fan

Well-Known Member
u need more description in this chapter. everything just went by so quickly.it was suprising that drew and may got paired up so quickly at the beginning of the second round. and then may lost. but very happy at he end that harley lost. i was wonder y u change the hometown of the people thought. it was very cute at he end when drew ask may out on a date for the ball.

cant wait 4 the next cha.
 

foxfyre

Ninetales Queen
It was nice but rushed. It's actually kinda cute!
 

shervin

Pokemon Coordinator
Thanks! Lol, I think I can do better, now I'm older, so hopefully, you'll all like the next chapter,(not yet written)

Urr… this is the ball chapter. I tried to lengthen it a bit, and I’m not sure if it worked…hmm… I tried… 2 pages of MSWord. Enjoy!

Chapter 8

“Come on, work harder! We need to get some pokemon if we want our next paycheque!” screamed a pink haired woman in a black uniform.
“I don’t see you working your butt off! If we do get a paycheque, its all thanks to me!” came the reply from the green haired, partner in crime as he looked over to the blueprints of their plan, he was digging a hole with his Dugtrio, a brown, triple mole pokemon.
“Dugtrio, dig faster!” he commanded forcefully, the pokemon’s eyes flashed red as it burrowed underground on a disused road.

Meanwhile, in a room, at the Goldenrod City Pokemon Center, our favourite brunette heroine was trying on a blue, chiffon dress. She turned to her trusted starter pokemon and asked its opinion on the beautiful garment, the Blaziken answered with a shake of its head.
“But Blaziken, I’ve tried on twenty outfits!” May said disappointedly.
A cry of delight was heard from the closet and an excited Munchlax poked its head out of it.

Two floors up, a similar situation was unfolding. “Do you think she’ll like this one?” a green haired teen asked his Roselia, who was sat on the bed. The Roselia replied with an enthusiastic nod.
“Alright! Thanks Roselia!” said Drew. “Lets go! The party starts in ten minutes!”

A few hours later, the party had started. Everyone was dancing with their date, all except a brunette, dressed in a pink flowing dress with a matching evening handbag and stilettos, sat on the edge of a fountain outside the radio station, with a glass of punch, sobbing into a pink handkerchief.

“What’s up hun?” asked a man, dressed in his signature Cacturne suit, offering a shoulder to the girl to cry on.
“My date isn’t here…”
“Oh, damn that Drew, always making empty promises and eurgh!” said Harley in sudden disgust.
“Eurgh?” the girl looked up.
“Yes eurgh, stop snivelling onto my suit! I only had it dry cleaned an hour ago!!” Harley screeched at the girl, who then burst into tears once again.
“I’m sorry!” she cried.
“There there, have a hug to cheer you up.” As they embraced, Harley smiled.

However, there is a reason why Drew isn’t at the party! He fell into the hole that the Cipher Rocket grunts made.

“Urgh” he said groggily as he stood up.
“Mwahahahaha!” another green haired man laughed manically.
“I told you not to laugh like that! You bring down our rep!” scolded his partner in crime.
“Sorry.” He apologised.
Drew looked up towards the opening of the hole. He released his Flygon from its pokeball. He clambered onto its back. With a squeeze of his legs, the powerful dragon seemed to know what was requested as it rose out of the hole.
“Get out here! Hariyama!” shouted the man as he threw his pokeball.
“You too! Rhydon!” screeched the lady as she released her rock rhino out of its pokeball.
“Attack!” They shouted in unison.
Both of their pokemon sprang up towards the dragon in flight.
“Hyper beam!” Drew commanded.
Orange particles gathered in Flygon’s mouth. As the two enemy pokemon approached, Flygon’s beam finished charging and it was released at full blast, the beam consumed the two other pokemon and sent them crashing down into their evil masters.

“Let’s go inside hun” Harley suggested after May dried her tears.
As they walked towards the door, a white rose landed in May’s hand, along with pink petals surrounded by a pretty pink powder. She looked up in curiosity. As a green dragon, surrounded by a red light was recalled to its pokeball, its master jumped to the ground.

“I’m so sorry that I’m so late.” Drew apologised for his very fashionably late entrance.
“Erm… I’m gonna go get some punch.” Said Harley as he ran into the building.
Drew explained the series of events that delayed his arrival. The orchestra inside the building started playing again, and soft music filled the air.

“May I have this dance?” Drew asked politely.
“Why, of course you may!” May replied in an exaggerated English accent.

As they slow danced to the peaceful music, May rested her head on Drew’s shoulder. And she thought, “Perfect night, perfect outfit and most importantly, perfect guy.”

--
I hoped you guys liked that. It was shorter than I wanted it to be...lol anywayz, reviews are welcome!
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Ayra

~Master Coordinator~
WAY TOO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was a severe lack of substance. Your paragraphing was horrid. You make each dialog a paragraph. You need a lot of improvement.

~Ayra~;267;
 

shervin

Pokemon Coordinator
:S sorry!! I've been told I needed to paragraph the dialogue... umm... sorry that it was ...well.. rubbish... lack of practise.....aiyee.... well I will work hard to make the next chapter READABLE.
 
Top