This fic is written in Gameverse (if such thing exists) and it uses the Japanese names of all the Gym Leaders and Elite Four (called Shitennou) if you are not familiar with these, I left a spoiler cut below that expands a list of the names.
The fic is a one-shot and is rated R because of foul language. Nothing NC-17 happens in it, though. Enjoy the read and tell me if you liked it
[spoil]
[size=+1]Left: [highlight]Kanto Gym Leaders[/highlight]
Center: [highlight]Johto Gym Leaders[/highlight]
Right: [highlight]Elite Four/Five/Whocares (Shittenou)[/highlight][/size]
[size=+1]Cities:[/size]
[highlight]Ecruteak[/highlight]: Enjyu
[highlight]Fuchsia[/highlight]: Sekishiku
[highlight]Viridian[/highlight]: Tokiwa
[/spoil]
----
Someone is knocking at the door. No, someone is trying to take the door down. Matsuba gets alerted when the thumping is accompanied by incoherent yelling. Fine, so someone is trying to put a curse on him, even though he doesn't believe in curses. Eventually the thumping becomes knocking and the yelling becomes... it sounds like a crying dog. It is still unintelligible. Finally, after being adverted by one of his Ghos's, the weeping had turned into a whimpering "pleeeease let me in". Oops. He opens the door to find Shitennou newcomer Hakashi Itsuki lying on the floor. What the ****.
"Hey, sorry for taking so long," so maybe he's insensitive. It doesn't really help a thing since the guy's passed out. He takes the red haired corpse to one of the beaten couches in the hall and leaves him there for the time he actually wants to wake up. In the meantime, Matsuba decides tea is a good idea.
---
i. in which itsuki blacks out
Itsuki wakes up in a dark room, it's morning and he's getting chills. It must've been one of those days. Ghost pokemon hover by in the distance, so he figures the chills and the uneasy feeling in the back of his mind are a result of that. He calls out for someone, but nobody replies. When he starts moving around, he notices that most windows have curtains, and while he likes being left to himself, too, whoever owns that place has serious social problems. He tries opening a curtain but al it does is reveal that a pretty enormous Gangar was looking at him from the middle of the room. 'Ghost pokemon are supposed to vanish with light, at least if they want to be considered real ghosts'. Either way, not seeing a giant Gangar watch him as he searches for anyone/thing living keeps him calmed.
He finally finds a door with light coming from inside the room, except that when he opens it, all he finds is a dead blonde guy on a chair. Wait, not dead, just sleeping, as confirmed by the snoring.
"Hello..." he knocks on the door.
"UH WHAT?" the guy wakes up startled, "Oh... oh... phew, you scared the **** out of me. Hey. You woke up," the guy half-smiles.
"Who are you?" Itsuki asks.
"That's right, there hasn't been a board meeting in ages now, and you've been in the Shitennou for what? Two months?" Itsuki just stares at the man who apparently knows a lot of de tails about him, "I'm Matsuba. I'm the gym leader of Enjyu," he says, stretching a hand, "pleased to meet you."
"Enjyu? Is that where I am?" Itsuki asks, then realizes what the hand stretch means and bowing a little as to be done with the introduction part.
"Were you high last night?"
"What? Oh, no! No, no! I just. I, uh, have memory issues sometimes. I black out." Maybe it's better if he left without saying anything.
"Do you knock on every other gym leader's doors too or am I just cuter than the rest?"
It takes a second for Itsuki to process the question, "W-what?"
"I'm joking, man. I'm in the mood for some tea, do you want tea?" Is the guy insane?
"Actually, I think I'll just go back home. If that's alright with you, er... Matuba?"
"Matsuba. And yeah, it's cool."
"Right, Matsuba. I'll see you in a, uh, board meeting, I suppose." Or not.
"Do come by later! I have the best weed in Johto!"
---
"HAHAHAHA, you knocked the best door in Johto, kid," Shiba laughs.
"Funny how you like that stoner even though you are so strongly against drugs," Kyou comments from behind his newspaper. Shiba throws the remote to his head in response. Kyou says nothing, folds his newspaper, stands up and then leaves the living room.
"Moving on, I think we're on schedule for a board meeting. I mean, since you're new and all that," Itsuki just nods in fake understanding, "Wataru used to handle that crap. Maybe we can get Kikuko to arrange one, you'll get to meet everybody."
"Right. Everybody's going to ask why I was made part of the Shitennou." Itsuki hates meeting new people. In fact, Itsuki wishes he had the psychic ability to pass out when a meeting gets too boring. He is still trying to find that gift.
"So what? Tell them the truth: Wataru dropped your name."
"I hate you. I don't even know why the **** he did that."
"Mind the language, kid. He probably took a list of candidates and did a random pick."
"I shouldn't have accepted this shi--this job."
"Why not? You passed the test, and nobody else wanted to apply anyway. Keep this between you and me, but everybody pretty much hates Kyou and Kikuko."
"Am I supposed to be the friendly face of the Shitennou?"
"No, I'm supposed to be the friendly face of the Shitennou, Suki-chan," Karin said while slapping the back of his head, "didn't see that coming, did you, Psyboy?" she says while flopping down on the couch next to them. At that moment Itsuki decides he hates his job and all of his coworkers.
And his room, too.
---
The first board meeting takes place two weeks later, which is the soonest that all the Johto and Kanto gym leaders have available dates. Apparently, (Kikuko said it), Wataru wouldn't have let that happen. Kikuko likes to piss all over Shiba's work. Itsuki doesn't care, he just wants it to end as soon as possible. They all arrive in time except Matsuba. Great. Natsume's there, too. She and Itsuki catch up a little ("Greetings." "Do I know you?"), then he decides that sitting as far away from Shiba as he can is the best idea. He ends up between a kid with a bug net and Kyou. The kid in the boy scout outfit shows him a dead bug and how it's female partner eats the corpse as a conversation starter. Itsuki watches from behind his mask the full process and then asks if anyone but him/her (it's hard to tell) cares about that. "... I have tons of helpers at my gym," the kid answers.
All Kyou says before the meeting actually starts is negative, such as, "this is dreadful" or "perhaps I should've faked my own death, I'm going to die here anyway". Itsuki's respect for Kyou went up about 10 points after that.
Apparently everybody wants to have sex with Kyou's daughter. Kyou's taken out a shuriken and has started writing down a list of names on the table: Shiba, Takeshi, Hayato, Natsume. In that order.
Right in the middle of a discussion about gym leader "benefits" (Takeshi wants to have a fanclub inside his gym but Kasumi affirms he just wants to set up a brothel), Matsuba crashes inside the room. "What's up, sorry for being so late." He grabs his empty chair (between Natsume and the Tokiwa gym leader who also failed to show up) and puts it between Kyou and Itsuki. "Hey, friend," he whispers, nudging Itsuki with his elbow and then sitting down with the back of the chair facing front. Everybody shoots Matsuba killing glares, then continue talking about Takeshi's flying brothel. Every now and then Matsuba talks to someone across the table in the middle of the conversation: "Hey, Fridge," he says to Natsume, or "KASUMI-CHAN! YOU GREW TITS!". That one makes everyone in the room, including Itsuki, stare. Takeshi sort of drools after everyone realizes that no, Kasumi's breast cup hasn't changed. Matsuba elbows Itsuki again just at the precise moment that Itsuki learns how to make himself pass out.
---
Itsuki wakes up exhausted. He'd been dreaming about Kyou thinking he wanted to sleep with his daughter and chasing him with a flying brothel. Dismissed.
"Rise and shine, Tuxedo Mask!" Who?
"W-what?" Matsuba's sitting on a chair beside his bed, toying with Itsuki's mask.
"I just got here, do you want to go upstairs and smoke a joint with Kyou? We won't tell him it's a joint, of course."
Itsuki just stares at Matsuba for a few seconds, then tries really hard to pass out. Nope, not working.
"Hey, why the mask?" this question actually catches a bit of Itsuki's attention. Since Kyou dressed like a ninja (the keyword here being 'dressed'), nobody asked any questions about Itsuki's 'special' wardrobe. Still, it's not enough interest to fake waking up, so the answer comes out mumbled.
"Killed a guy once, took that."
"You what!? That's sick."
Itsuki turns around in bed, "it was an accident, I didn't really kill him. It's more like, when I was a kid, I randomly used psychic powers without control. Once I made the earth rumble and a burglar fell off a roof beside me."
Matsuba takes him tike before he mouths "Woah..."
"Don't get too shocked about it, I was nine and the police gave me a little medal, too."
"Scary."
"Actually, I just have grown fond of it." Itsuki asks himself why he has been talking for so long, "...fine, I'll go smoke a joint with you. I have to get dressed, so wait outside."
"What? No way. What, do you have a woody? Morning tent? Is that it?" Die die die die diediediediedie, "Puh-lease, Itsuki-kun, we're friends! Besides, it'll take you a minute, so go on, don't worry, I won't gawk at your ginormous dick or something."
"I changed my mind. No joint. Just leave."
Matsuba stares at Itsuki for a little while, silent.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes..." Itsuki's answer couldn't have been a more bored one.
"... Oooooooooooh, someone's got sexuality issues unresolved.... fine, I'll go smoke it up with Kyou, I'll see if that Karin chick wants some. See ya."
"Mmmhmm..." Itsuki replies from his pillow.
---
The three of them have permanent smiles glued on their faces. Kyou's the only one that doesn't look like he knows something Itsuki doesn't. But Karin and Matsuba, that's a whole other story. They giggle at every movement Itsuki does. They share looks and outrageous agreeing nods before they crack up and go on a laughing fit. Itsuki gets so angry his head feels a little heavy, and he knows that if he get s too angry he'll do something stupid, so instead he just tries to calm down. Tries.
"Suki-chaaaan..." Karin repeats all the time in her irritating, nasal voice. It's accentuated by the fact that she's high, "come sit down with us!"
Itsuki just stands beside the chairs Karin, Matsuba and Kyou have set up on the roof. Itsuki considers jumping down, as a relief from the airheads that are his coworkers. Not worth it. Matsuba suddenly reaches out and hugs him from the waist. "Frieeeeeeeend!" he says, and Karin laughs and joins in. "Frieeeeeeeeeend!" they repeat.
Itsuki comprehends this is the closest to friends he'll get.
"STAY THE **** AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER," Kyou suddenly wakes up in his chair.
---
The morning after Itsuki wakes up in Shiba's room, stripped to his underwear. His immediate reaction is to ask himself what the **** had happened, to which Shiba responded while brushing his teeth: "You paffed outh." Oh. Apparently, Shiba got the **** end of the stick when it was decided that someone should be there if Itsuki sleepwalked again, but he wasn't sleeping anywhere other than his bed. So, they'd shared.
Suddenly, someone bursts into the room without knocking while Itsuki's putting his pants on.
"SOMEONE GOT LUCKY!!" Karin. She says it with a double eyebrow raise and immediately slams the door shut again. Itsuki wishes he was dead.
---
Wataru shows up. Apparently, he's just visiting, but Kyou affirms he's checking on everybody and comparing "us vs them". He's with the former Shitennou, Kanna, too. He takes out a picture album and starts showing Shiba and Kikuko pictures of their travels.
"And this is in Hoenn. I'm thinking of starting a league there," he adds.
"I look like a whale," Kanna says. She's pregnant, Itsuki can tell.
Kikuko looks a all the pictures excitedly, while Shiba does grunting noises and grimaces at how many of the pictures are of them kissing. "You two disgust me," he says, pointing to a specific one under a waterfall. Kyou agrees. Kanna takes this a personal attack and throws a fit, insults Kikuko out of nowhere and stomps out of the building, cursing Wataru. Everyone stares at Wataru for a while before he quietly retreats to his car with his wife. Itsuki asks Kanna what just happened and Kanna replies it's the hormones, then places a hand on Itsuki's knee.
He takes it as a warning.
---
One day Katsura arrives to meet with Kyou, all agitated. He informs that Matsuba has been seen around Sekishiku lately. Itsuki thinks he'd seen it coming (after all, he is psychic), but after a minute he realizes it is completely unexpected. He and Shiba tag with Kyou in order to beat the crap out of Matsuba.
They arrive at Enjyu to find Matsuba gone. A Ghos lets them inside because it recognizes Itsuki, so the group follows Itsuki to the room when he'd found Matsuba asleep in the first time he was there. Inside they find Matsuba with Natsume sitting on his lap.
"We knew you were coming," Natsume says, flatly, looking at Itsuki. Why is it that everyone looks at him when horny? Itsuki decides that when they get home, he's going to hang himself and leave note that says '**** you all in the ***, you deserve it'.
"Is it my fault that she wants me and not you?" Matsuba asks, shrugging his shoulders, "I mean, the sex is boring, yes, but check out the front," during this speech, Natsume doesn't say a thing or change her expression. Itsuki suddenly likes her. The second he thinks that, Natsume stares at him. She stares for a few seconds while Kyou tries to get something out of Matsuba, then suddenly she speaks:
"She's inside the closet." A gasp is heard.
Itsuki confirms that indeed, someone is inside the closet since he can feel the brain activity. Shiba smacks him on the back of the head. "Nerd."
Kyou slowly opens the door and out comes Anzu, half-dressed. As opposed to Natsume, who's completely dressed. Anzu tries to explain but the words are not coming out of her mouth. Natsume takes the chance to stand up, grab her Abra from behind a chair and say "I suppose I'm done here. Abra, Teleport," and with that, they're gone. A lot of things happen but all Itsuki can notice is the bulge in Matsuba's pants. When Kyou finally drags Anzu outside the Gym by the ear and says it's going ot be like that all the way to Sekishiku, Itsuki says to Shiba "I'm going to stay a bit more, you can go if you like."
Shiba responds by smacking him on the back of the head.
"Gay."
---
Itsuki wakes up hitting a door with his bloody fists. He looks at his bleeding hands, then around his environment. Matsuba is on the floor, unconscious. Several pokemon are attacking him with Nightmare and Curse. He wants to ask what happened but he passes out before he can.
---
Matsuba's looking at him.
"I'm sorry," Itsuki repeats.
"I said it was all right, Itsuki-kun."
"Sometimes my psychic powers turn against me and I black out, I should've told you that," Itsuki thinks he's sounding like Natsume.
"I don't care. At least you hit me, everybody else doesn't think I'm worth the trouble."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you saw the way Kyou reacted. Not one shuriken directed at me. I suppose that, deep inside, he likes me." Itsuki doesn't think so.
After that, Itsuki goes back home. Karin nudges him and winks a lot and asks for information. Does he really seem that gay? Itsuki doesn't really care, he thinks that if he could, he'd avoid sleeping with anyone. Except his blackouts also happen while he's sleeping. Thus, tonight is Karin's turn to sleep with him.
"Excited?" she jokes, while lighting up a cigarette at the door of Kyou's garden.
"Not really."
Karin acts like a real lady and doesn't make a move all night. Itsuki thinks it's a shame.
---
Itsuki gets a postcard from Natsume. It's a bunch of cut-out letters forming words, as if it were a ransom letter. They form the phrase:
MATSUBA IS MINE
Itsuki stares at it for a few seconds then saves it inside his nightstand drawer.
---
Matsuba calls.
"Hey," he says.
"Hello."
"Do you want to come over?"
"Why would I want to do that?"
Silence.
"I'll rephrase."
"Fine."
"Do you want to come over to have sex with me?"
"You ****tard, Kikuko's probably listening to this conversation!"
"So what? It's not my problem if she gets off with things like this."
"... No, I don't want to go over."
"OK."
"I guess that's all."
"I'll be here though, if you change your mind."
"How long?"
"Two hours minimum."
"Good."
---
Itsuki gets another postcard from Natsume. It's the same pattern, except this one says:
I KNOW
"What a waste," Karin says from the kitchen table, one hand supporting her head, the other holding her coffee. Itsuki notices she's staring at him, "a waste indeed," she finishes, then sips the last of her coffee and stands up to go.
Before she leaves the room she pats Itsuki's ***.
"I meant for both of you."
The fic is a one-shot and is rated R because of foul language. Nothing NC-17 happens in it, though. Enjoy the read and tell me if you liked it
[spoil]
[size=+1]Left: [highlight]Kanto Gym Leaders[/highlight]
Center: [highlight]Johto Gym Leaders[/highlight]
Right: [highlight]Elite Four/Five/Whocares (Shittenou)[/highlight][/size]
[size=+1]Cities:[/size]
[highlight]Ecruteak[/highlight]: Enjyu
[highlight]Fuchsia[/highlight]: Sekishiku
[highlight]Viridian[/highlight]: Tokiwa
[/spoil]
----
Someone is knocking at the door. No, someone is trying to take the door down. Matsuba gets alerted when the thumping is accompanied by incoherent yelling. Fine, so someone is trying to put a curse on him, even though he doesn't believe in curses. Eventually the thumping becomes knocking and the yelling becomes... it sounds like a crying dog. It is still unintelligible. Finally, after being adverted by one of his Ghos's, the weeping had turned into a whimpering "pleeeease let me in". Oops. He opens the door to find Shitennou newcomer Hakashi Itsuki lying on the floor. What the ****.
"Hey, sorry for taking so long," so maybe he's insensitive. It doesn't really help a thing since the guy's passed out. He takes the red haired corpse to one of the beaten couches in the hall and leaves him there for the time he actually wants to wake up. In the meantime, Matsuba decides tea is a good idea.
---
i. in which itsuki blacks out
Itsuki wakes up in a dark room, it's morning and he's getting chills. It must've been one of those days. Ghost pokemon hover by in the distance, so he figures the chills and the uneasy feeling in the back of his mind are a result of that. He calls out for someone, but nobody replies. When he starts moving around, he notices that most windows have curtains, and while he likes being left to himself, too, whoever owns that place has serious social problems. He tries opening a curtain but al it does is reveal that a pretty enormous Gangar was looking at him from the middle of the room. 'Ghost pokemon are supposed to vanish with light, at least if they want to be considered real ghosts'. Either way, not seeing a giant Gangar watch him as he searches for anyone/thing living keeps him calmed.
He finally finds a door with light coming from inside the room, except that when he opens it, all he finds is a dead blonde guy on a chair. Wait, not dead, just sleeping, as confirmed by the snoring.
"Hello..." he knocks on the door.
"UH WHAT?" the guy wakes up startled, "Oh... oh... phew, you scared the **** out of me. Hey. You woke up," the guy half-smiles.
"Who are you?" Itsuki asks.
"That's right, there hasn't been a board meeting in ages now, and you've been in the Shitennou for what? Two months?" Itsuki just stares at the man who apparently knows a lot of de tails about him, "I'm Matsuba. I'm the gym leader of Enjyu," he says, stretching a hand, "pleased to meet you."
"Enjyu? Is that where I am?" Itsuki asks, then realizes what the hand stretch means and bowing a little as to be done with the introduction part.
"Were you high last night?"
"What? Oh, no! No, no! I just. I, uh, have memory issues sometimes. I black out." Maybe it's better if he left without saying anything.
"Do you knock on every other gym leader's doors too or am I just cuter than the rest?"
It takes a second for Itsuki to process the question, "W-what?"
"I'm joking, man. I'm in the mood for some tea, do you want tea?" Is the guy insane?
"Actually, I think I'll just go back home. If that's alright with you, er... Matuba?"
"Matsuba. And yeah, it's cool."
"Right, Matsuba. I'll see you in a, uh, board meeting, I suppose." Or not.
"Do come by later! I have the best weed in Johto!"
---
"HAHAHAHA, you knocked the best door in Johto, kid," Shiba laughs.
"Funny how you like that stoner even though you are so strongly against drugs," Kyou comments from behind his newspaper. Shiba throws the remote to his head in response. Kyou says nothing, folds his newspaper, stands up and then leaves the living room.
"Moving on, I think we're on schedule for a board meeting. I mean, since you're new and all that," Itsuki just nods in fake understanding, "Wataru used to handle that crap. Maybe we can get Kikuko to arrange one, you'll get to meet everybody."
"Right. Everybody's going to ask why I was made part of the Shitennou." Itsuki hates meeting new people. In fact, Itsuki wishes he had the psychic ability to pass out when a meeting gets too boring. He is still trying to find that gift.
"So what? Tell them the truth: Wataru dropped your name."
"I hate you. I don't even know why the **** he did that."
"Mind the language, kid. He probably took a list of candidates and did a random pick."
"I shouldn't have accepted this shi--this job."
"Why not? You passed the test, and nobody else wanted to apply anyway. Keep this between you and me, but everybody pretty much hates Kyou and Kikuko."
"Am I supposed to be the friendly face of the Shitennou?"
"No, I'm supposed to be the friendly face of the Shitennou, Suki-chan," Karin said while slapping the back of his head, "didn't see that coming, did you, Psyboy?" she says while flopping down on the couch next to them. At that moment Itsuki decides he hates his job and all of his coworkers.
And his room, too.
---
The first board meeting takes place two weeks later, which is the soonest that all the Johto and Kanto gym leaders have available dates. Apparently, (Kikuko said it), Wataru wouldn't have let that happen. Kikuko likes to piss all over Shiba's work. Itsuki doesn't care, he just wants it to end as soon as possible. They all arrive in time except Matsuba. Great. Natsume's there, too. She and Itsuki catch up a little ("Greetings." "Do I know you?"), then he decides that sitting as far away from Shiba as he can is the best idea. He ends up between a kid with a bug net and Kyou. The kid in the boy scout outfit shows him a dead bug and how it's female partner eats the corpse as a conversation starter. Itsuki watches from behind his mask the full process and then asks if anyone but him/her (it's hard to tell) cares about that. "... I have tons of helpers at my gym," the kid answers.
All Kyou says before the meeting actually starts is negative, such as, "this is dreadful" or "perhaps I should've faked my own death, I'm going to die here anyway". Itsuki's respect for Kyou went up about 10 points after that.
Apparently everybody wants to have sex with Kyou's daughter. Kyou's taken out a shuriken and has started writing down a list of names on the table: Shiba, Takeshi, Hayato, Natsume. In that order.
Right in the middle of a discussion about gym leader "benefits" (Takeshi wants to have a fanclub inside his gym but Kasumi affirms he just wants to set up a brothel), Matsuba crashes inside the room. "What's up, sorry for being so late." He grabs his empty chair (between Natsume and the Tokiwa gym leader who also failed to show up) and puts it between Kyou and Itsuki. "Hey, friend," he whispers, nudging Itsuki with his elbow and then sitting down with the back of the chair facing front. Everybody shoots Matsuba killing glares, then continue talking about Takeshi's flying brothel. Every now and then Matsuba talks to someone across the table in the middle of the conversation: "Hey, Fridge," he says to Natsume, or "KASUMI-CHAN! YOU GREW TITS!". That one makes everyone in the room, including Itsuki, stare. Takeshi sort of drools after everyone realizes that no, Kasumi's breast cup hasn't changed. Matsuba elbows Itsuki again just at the precise moment that Itsuki learns how to make himself pass out.
---
Itsuki wakes up exhausted. He'd been dreaming about Kyou thinking he wanted to sleep with his daughter and chasing him with a flying brothel. Dismissed.
"Rise and shine, Tuxedo Mask!" Who?
"W-what?" Matsuba's sitting on a chair beside his bed, toying with Itsuki's mask.
"I just got here, do you want to go upstairs and smoke a joint with Kyou? We won't tell him it's a joint, of course."
Itsuki just stares at Matsuba for a few seconds, then tries really hard to pass out. Nope, not working.
"Hey, why the mask?" this question actually catches a bit of Itsuki's attention. Since Kyou dressed like a ninja (the keyword here being 'dressed'), nobody asked any questions about Itsuki's 'special' wardrobe. Still, it's not enough interest to fake waking up, so the answer comes out mumbled.
"Killed a guy once, took that."
"You what!? That's sick."
Itsuki turns around in bed, "it was an accident, I didn't really kill him. It's more like, when I was a kid, I randomly used psychic powers without control. Once I made the earth rumble and a burglar fell off a roof beside me."
Matsuba takes him tike before he mouths "Woah..."
"Don't get too shocked about it, I was nine and the police gave me a little medal, too."
"Scary."
"Actually, I just have grown fond of it." Itsuki asks himself why he has been talking for so long, "...fine, I'll go smoke a joint with you. I have to get dressed, so wait outside."
"What? No way. What, do you have a woody? Morning tent? Is that it?" Die die die die diediediediedie, "Puh-lease, Itsuki-kun, we're friends! Besides, it'll take you a minute, so go on, don't worry, I won't gawk at your ginormous dick or something."
"I changed my mind. No joint. Just leave."
Matsuba stares at Itsuki for a little while, silent.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes..." Itsuki's answer couldn't have been a more bored one.
"... Oooooooooooh, someone's got sexuality issues unresolved.... fine, I'll go smoke it up with Kyou, I'll see if that Karin chick wants some. See ya."
"Mmmhmm..." Itsuki replies from his pillow.
---
The three of them have permanent smiles glued on their faces. Kyou's the only one that doesn't look like he knows something Itsuki doesn't. But Karin and Matsuba, that's a whole other story. They giggle at every movement Itsuki does. They share looks and outrageous agreeing nods before they crack up and go on a laughing fit. Itsuki gets so angry his head feels a little heavy, and he knows that if he get s too angry he'll do something stupid, so instead he just tries to calm down. Tries.
"Suki-chaaaan..." Karin repeats all the time in her irritating, nasal voice. It's accentuated by the fact that she's high, "come sit down with us!"
Itsuki just stands beside the chairs Karin, Matsuba and Kyou have set up on the roof. Itsuki considers jumping down, as a relief from the airheads that are his coworkers. Not worth it. Matsuba suddenly reaches out and hugs him from the waist. "Frieeeeeeeend!" he says, and Karin laughs and joins in. "Frieeeeeeeeeend!" they repeat.
Itsuki comprehends this is the closest to friends he'll get.
"STAY THE **** AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER," Kyou suddenly wakes up in his chair.
---
The morning after Itsuki wakes up in Shiba's room, stripped to his underwear. His immediate reaction is to ask himself what the **** had happened, to which Shiba responded while brushing his teeth: "You paffed outh." Oh. Apparently, Shiba got the **** end of the stick when it was decided that someone should be there if Itsuki sleepwalked again, but he wasn't sleeping anywhere other than his bed. So, they'd shared.
Suddenly, someone bursts into the room without knocking while Itsuki's putting his pants on.
"SOMEONE GOT LUCKY!!" Karin. She says it with a double eyebrow raise and immediately slams the door shut again. Itsuki wishes he was dead.
---
Wataru shows up. Apparently, he's just visiting, but Kyou affirms he's checking on everybody and comparing "us vs them". He's with the former Shitennou, Kanna, too. He takes out a picture album and starts showing Shiba and Kikuko pictures of their travels.
"And this is in Hoenn. I'm thinking of starting a league there," he adds.
"I look like a whale," Kanna says. She's pregnant, Itsuki can tell.
Kikuko looks a all the pictures excitedly, while Shiba does grunting noises and grimaces at how many of the pictures are of them kissing. "You two disgust me," he says, pointing to a specific one under a waterfall. Kyou agrees. Kanna takes this a personal attack and throws a fit, insults Kikuko out of nowhere and stomps out of the building, cursing Wataru. Everyone stares at Wataru for a while before he quietly retreats to his car with his wife. Itsuki asks Kanna what just happened and Kanna replies it's the hormones, then places a hand on Itsuki's knee.
He takes it as a warning.
---
One day Katsura arrives to meet with Kyou, all agitated. He informs that Matsuba has been seen around Sekishiku lately. Itsuki thinks he'd seen it coming (after all, he is psychic), but after a minute he realizes it is completely unexpected. He and Shiba tag with Kyou in order to beat the crap out of Matsuba.
They arrive at Enjyu to find Matsuba gone. A Ghos lets them inside because it recognizes Itsuki, so the group follows Itsuki to the room when he'd found Matsuba asleep in the first time he was there. Inside they find Matsuba with Natsume sitting on his lap.
"We knew you were coming," Natsume says, flatly, looking at Itsuki. Why is it that everyone looks at him when horny? Itsuki decides that when they get home, he's going to hang himself and leave note that says '**** you all in the ***, you deserve it'.
"Is it my fault that she wants me and not you?" Matsuba asks, shrugging his shoulders, "I mean, the sex is boring, yes, but check out the front," during this speech, Natsume doesn't say a thing or change her expression. Itsuki suddenly likes her. The second he thinks that, Natsume stares at him. She stares for a few seconds while Kyou tries to get something out of Matsuba, then suddenly she speaks:
"She's inside the closet." A gasp is heard.
Itsuki confirms that indeed, someone is inside the closet since he can feel the brain activity. Shiba smacks him on the back of the head. "Nerd."
Kyou slowly opens the door and out comes Anzu, half-dressed. As opposed to Natsume, who's completely dressed. Anzu tries to explain but the words are not coming out of her mouth. Natsume takes the chance to stand up, grab her Abra from behind a chair and say "I suppose I'm done here. Abra, Teleport," and with that, they're gone. A lot of things happen but all Itsuki can notice is the bulge in Matsuba's pants. When Kyou finally drags Anzu outside the Gym by the ear and says it's going ot be like that all the way to Sekishiku, Itsuki says to Shiba "I'm going to stay a bit more, you can go if you like."
Shiba responds by smacking him on the back of the head.
"Gay."
---
Itsuki wakes up hitting a door with his bloody fists. He looks at his bleeding hands, then around his environment. Matsuba is on the floor, unconscious. Several pokemon are attacking him with Nightmare and Curse. He wants to ask what happened but he passes out before he can.
---
Matsuba's looking at him.
"I'm sorry," Itsuki repeats.
"I said it was all right, Itsuki-kun."
"Sometimes my psychic powers turn against me and I black out, I should've told you that," Itsuki thinks he's sounding like Natsume.
"I don't care. At least you hit me, everybody else doesn't think I'm worth the trouble."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you saw the way Kyou reacted. Not one shuriken directed at me. I suppose that, deep inside, he likes me." Itsuki doesn't think so.
After that, Itsuki goes back home. Karin nudges him and winks a lot and asks for information. Does he really seem that gay? Itsuki doesn't really care, he thinks that if he could, he'd avoid sleeping with anyone. Except his blackouts also happen while he's sleeping. Thus, tonight is Karin's turn to sleep with him.
"Excited?" she jokes, while lighting up a cigarette at the door of Kyou's garden.
"Not really."
Karin acts like a real lady and doesn't make a move all night. Itsuki thinks it's a shame.
---
Itsuki gets a postcard from Natsume. It's a bunch of cut-out letters forming words, as if it were a ransom letter. They form the phrase:
MATSUBA IS MINE
Itsuki stares at it for a few seconds then saves it inside his nightstand drawer.
---
Matsuba calls.
"Hey," he says.
"Hello."
"Do you want to come over?"
"Why would I want to do that?"
Silence.
"I'll rephrase."
"Fine."
"Do you want to come over to have sex with me?"
"You ****tard, Kikuko's probably listening to this conversation!"
"So what? It's not my problem if she gets off with things like this."
"... No, I don't want to go over."
"OK."
"I guess that's all."
"I'll be here though, if you change your mind."
"How long?"
"Two hours minimum."
"Good."
---
Itsuki gets another postcard from Natsume. It's the same pattern, except this one says:
I KNOW
"What a waste," Karin says from the kitchen table, one hand supporting her head, the other holding her coffee. Itsuki notices she's staring at him, "a waste indeed," she finishes, then sips the last of her coffee and stands up to go.
Before she leaves the room she pats Itsuki's ***.
"I meant for both of you."
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