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Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by Chibi Pika, Mar 16, 2005.

  1. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Spur-of-the-moment fics rule all. Okay, yeah, ahem, short little thing, pretty dark, please read!!!


    I had control over them all, and yet I was still bound.

    With but a mere thought, I could focus my energies into calming the fiercest of gales, spawning the most ruthless tempests.

    Yet I was still bound.

    I watched as they befouled the planet, demolished the natural wonders, ruthlessly consumed all that was good, yet stood powerless as though I were nothing but a bystander, watching some horrific incident with no ability to intervene.

    Yet I was still bound, and by my own kin, no less.

    I had pleaded with the others of the Order of Legends; I had begged that we could wipe out their pathetic existence, and allow the rest of life to continue its course. And still, my plea had gone unfulfilled.

    We were to protect them, we who were chosen were to be the guardians of life, and the preservers of the intricate balance set into motion since the beginning of time. But what was there left to protect? Such death and destruction had ravaged the planet for too long.

    So it was, as I hovered over all that day, the expanses of sea cradled beneath me like a child. The clouds had gathered in the wake of the night, and the droplets of water had begun to stream down from the heavens to replenish the Earth. My draconic form floated lazily above the ship, yet another human creation—this one intended to scour the seas, as though they owned it, as though they belonged in it….

    It was for my own amusement that, with a wave of a single immense wing, I stirred the surf to toss the object within its grasp. Hawk-like eyes surveyed the scene with limited enjoyment, although the boat did not lurch as much as I had intended. With the motioning of a single wing finger, the swells increased, and the craft staggered slightly.

    It was that second that the unexpected happened.

    Brilliant flame erupted from the deck of the vessel, a stark contrast to the ebony veil that my storm had laid upon the surrounding. I had seen humans running across the uppermost level, yet had paid no mind until now—the destruction of the watercraft was their doing. As I looked closer, I saw that a great deal of the humans on board had already plunged into the sea, leaving the others to their demise.

    I searched for the word within my mind. Terrorism, yes that was what it was called: yet another pathetic act humankind committed against itself. I watched with rising disgust as the humans still on board scattered in a futile attempt to escape selfishly with their own lives.

    “You know what your duty to them is,” a voice sounded behind me.

    With a nonchalant turn of my snakelike neck, I laid eyes upon the young, streamlined dragon rising up to meet me. The now dense rain left no mark upon her glassy feathers, and the vibrant scarlet creature hovered alongside me, using wings like those of a jet to stablize her flight.

    “You realize that if we allow such darkness to consume the planet, then we too are like them,” she spoke simply, her voice a soothing cry like that of the striking of a breeze upon a wind chime.

    I did not want to respond, I simply wanted to watch the flame burn, watch the humans meet their fate inevitably, destroyed not by me, but by their own kind.

    “Look at this…” I uttered finally, the sound of my own voice sounding across the atmosphere. “Humans did that. They are destroying themselves, and we do not have to prevent it.

    “I have seen enough death, and I know of the despair that wracks the world.” The words escaped her as her golden eyes gained a distant look, as though she were reminiscing about the past. Finally, the dragon shook her crimson head and, motioning with a single clawed hand back at the sea, said, “Yet I say to you: look.”

    I gazed casually down at the smoldering vessel, observing the current actions with intrigue. The humans had gathered together in hopes of saving each other, many having swam back toward the ship to direct the others to safety. After plunging overboard into the sea’s waters, many of them had assisted one another to navigate the very storm I had sustained.

    “In less than a year, true darkness will once again plague all of life, and not even something as simple as that will remain,” she stated simply, the chimes of her voice resonating once more in my ears. “If we keep waging war upon the humans, then both they and we will fall in time. Why add to the inevitable suffering?” She left that as her final word, her trump card of the discussion. With that, the dragon threw back her pointed wings, and caught my eyes once more before streaking off through the squall.

    My mind reeled in thought, as neither she, nor any of the others had presented it so clearly to me before. True darkness would indeed strike the world, that much was true.

    Was the future bleak? Perhaps.

    But was it inevitable?

    The laws in which I was bound to echoed throughout my mind as I silenced the tempest with a single motion of my wings. Then, feeling as though the storm within my own mind has been quieted as well, I plunged into the sea, the endless being that I ruled over cooling my feathers as I dove into the depths of the expanse that acted more as a guardian over me, than I over it


    No. No, it most certainly wasn’t.

    Well, yeah, I had a random idea all of a sudden and just had to type it, but for LC readers, this explains why Lugia saved the Rebellion members and really has nothing whatsoever to do with the chosen eight, but Latias’s dialogue is perhaps the biggest plot hint of all time. If you read it, please rate/review!

  2. Kiyohime

    Kiyohime Well-Known Member

    Fantastic! I love the imagery of a vast Lugia hovering over the tiny ship in the oceans...It's making me suffer Lugia-withdrawal *shivers in corner and mumbles about how she wants a Lugia sooooo much*

    The description is simple, but it's still powerful, as is Lugia's message. ^^ I didn't see any errors, but then again I am not feeling good right now so I am not to be trusted.

    I luvs it, I dooo....

  3. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Yaaeey, takka Scrap!!! (takka means thanks in Stitch-ish. Don't ask >>) *Retrieves Lugia plushies and hands one to Scrap* I think maybe the reason there were no noticeable errors is because I proofread this time!!!! 8)
    Silverwing;249;: Way to go genius, too bad everyone else has been doing that since forever.

    But, um yeah, usually I proofread things after I post them. Why, I have no idea, but meh. I'm glad the message got through, I was afraid it would be too obscured by the tie-ins to the master plot.

    Ah well, pichupikapi! (thanks in Pikachu language, now I've really gone off the deep end)

  4. Kiyohime

    Kiyohime Well-Known Member

    I've gone minorly off the deep end today, too. Too much FoolyCooly and testing today. 80 Plus I haven't been feeling all that great, so that's why my reviews are really clipped and short today.

  5. Dilasc

    Dilasc Guest

    Well, I must say, the writing style is indeed intense. The words are obviously of a great vocabulary. Truly dark, and indeed sets a powerful image in my mind. I see you seriously have been taking a spin on my style seriously, to which Im glad to know Ive made inspiration. Anyways, I can see this is going to be quite the story, and there's not much else to say unless I leave other readers nothing else to compliment.
  6. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Wow, thanks! That means a lot, especially since you're one of the writers I most respect here. Heh, yeah, way back when I read the first few chapters (still need to read the rest >>) of Dust to Deceit, I ran off and revized everything of mine in a frenzy. Thanks for reviewing!

  7. Charsel

    Charsel Claws of Darkness

    Chibi, Chibi, Chibi... you amaze me ever so oftern... DAMN YOU!!!!! lol...... *sob*

    i found, errrr, TWO errors:
    shouldn't it be ”in it...' not four dots?
    needs that last full stop, im fussy eh?

    well, this was too, TOO good... great description, great storytelling how you kept the reader half guessing what was happening/talking about. i just LOVE your storytelling... we msut have it precious.... *gollum!! gollum!!!* anyway, love it, same as the rest of your writing... you really deserve that best writer award for the pokeoscars

    that must sound like some butt-kissin, but meh, its the truth
    ill see ya at BF
  8. Great! It read very well. Most of the one-shots I have read have been good. Maybe I should read one-shots more often.

    Anyway the mistakes were totched upon so I have nothing more to say...

    Flaming Lip
  9. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Hmm, the first one, with the dots, I belive is correct, if an ellipsis is at the end of a ssentence I belivce it needs a fourth to act as a period. And the second, do you mean it stops too suddenly so as to make it choppy? Cause that's what I think.
    Lol, whatever you say <insert ego boost here.> <--I hate it when that happens. Thanks for reviewing!

    Lol, yes you should, Flaming Lip, a lot of ones I've read here are way aewsome. Thanks for reviewing!

  10. great job chibi. I'm finally reading some of your one-shots and I'm very impressed. I must read LC when I'm over this very annoying ban of only one freaking hour on the computer. *blows smoke through ears* Sry got carried away there. :) No mistakes and if you know me that is a great accomplishment.
    jirachiman out ;385;
  11. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Thanks! ^_^ Lol, take your time with it, I still need to read all your recent chapters >> Heh, yeah, I actually rpoofread this time, I guess it did a lot of good ^^;;;

  12. indigestible_wad

    indigestible_wad Well-Known Member

    I'm sorta out of it today, so I'm probably not going to get anything useful out. it's nit every change. Ahh, better.

    Anyways, t'was good, but I couldn't really tell who was who. Maybe it's me, mmaybe it's not, I dunno. I had a guess that it was lugia's mind that we were goingthrough but as to the other one I had no idea. But I did like it, even though I couldn't really understand it. Maybe I'll read again later and understand it better.
  13. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Blah, I don't think it was just you, my description was rather poor on this one. Odd as it sounds, I din't want to fully describe Lugia, not due to laziness or inability, I just, for some reason, thought that it might cut down the effect I was going for. o_O; Although I thought describing the other one as a young dragon, having a scarlet form, flying like a jet, golden eyes, pointed wings, and clawed hands would get the image though, but maybe not. But was it just the description that confused you or the overall point?

  14. indigestible_wad

    indigestible_wad Well-Known Member

    No, I'm just out of it tonight, I can't really seem to get anything right. That, and the fact that I was probably more focused on lugia. I read the part, but I couldn't fit the pieces together, so I didn't really know it was latias.
  15. Chibi Pika, you are awesome. That was an amazing one-shot. I don't see any mistakes.
  16. Kawaii Kyuubi Kitsune

    Kawaii Kyuubi Kitsune Kawai Nogitsune

    Great fic, I must say it sounds quite plausible, as I can’t think of any other reason as to why the Legendaries put up with the damage humans are doing to the world. You did the descriptions quite well, and you also did everything else quite well too.

    Really I might be going a bit far with this, but it is easy to see what the legendaries are hoping for that made them decide not to listen to Lugia’s plea: They are hoping that humans learn from their mistakes and put things right themselves… Of course the problem I see with that is why they don’t try fixing things quicker by sorting out some way of convincing humans to stop the damage they are doing?
    It’s probably because such attempts failed in the past, though it’d still be interesting to know all the details of that… maybe you could write a future fic about why, that is if you can think of enough details to make it make sense.
  17. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    *Evil grin* I already have made sense of it, and have already written ten chapers of it: my beloved LC. With the problem you saw, that referred to what Latias was saying, about that "true darkness" was coming. They know it's in a year, but they don't know what it is or why. Lugia (and a few other Lugiendaies) believed that it was pointless to prolong the world's suffering if more death was still yet to come, but yet some others believed that they had to preserve the good, and then fight the dark in due time.

    And there are even more histories and details behind that, such as why Lugia felt that way and what led some of them to believe humans were hopeless, but I obviously couldn't jam all of that into here or I'd confuse everyone, LC reader and non LC reader alike. :p

    Basically I wrote this to give a bit of an optional different perspective on the legend and chapter five events in my fic.

    Thanks for reviewing!

  18. indigestible_wad

    indigestible_wad Well-Known Member

    If I may, Chibi, I'd like to put something in on this detail. It's not much, just sort of a statement. One reason why they probably haven't made contact ith the humans is because humans are greedy little betrayers who will decieve you and then trap you if you let your guard down. Man, that sounded so much better in my head. Meh
  19. Umbrazard

    Umbrazard Guest

    Garr! This time I'm even worse on the reviwers. That sucks. Ok, I REALLY liked this one, I liked it better than any of the others. Honestly though, I would never have figured out that the red Dragon was Latias. maybe cause I'm an idiot. That seems wierd to me, Latias telling Lugia what to do,. Lugia's always seemed, older? to me. Maybe cause he was around first. I dunno, I just...
    ;197; Please be quiet, you're hurting my brain!

    Sry, Ok, I'm gone agin. again, good job
  20. Elemental Charizam

    Elemental Charizam Sudden Genre Shift

    Another LC one-shot! I liked this one especially, it gives lots of hints about things to come. Plus we get a insight into Lugia's personality. I like him already *waves Lugia flag* ;249;

    Anyway, I didn't spot any errors that haven't been mentioned. Oddly enough though, you're PM came as I was writing this. Sorry for the late & short review, but I've got much schoolwork at the moment and all that stuff.

    5: :snowlax:


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