Into The Fire: Rise Of The Red Star (Revision 2, PG 15)

[Elemental Charizam]

~Foreword~​

Ok, I know it's very bad of me to start another new thread, but I'm really unhappy with the early chapters, and I'm too much of a perfectionist to leave it as it is. It's much easier to revise on a chapter by chapter basis, so I'm starting a new thread to do so. Who knows, maybe more people will become readers too?

~Index~​

Chapter One: Beginnings
Chapter Two: Ready To Go!
Chapter Three: Leaving Petalburg
Chapter Four: Omens
Chapter Five: The Seventh Sin
Interlude One: Tears Of Blood
Chapter Six: A Serpent and Cyanide
Chapter Seven: A Stones Throw
Chapter Eight: Psyshipping Across The Ocean
Chapter Nine: Black Beach
Chapter Ten: Psydelus The Surfer

~Prologue: Draconic Saviour~​

The flickering light of the campfire illuminated the cave, casting strange shadows on the walls. Two teenagers were lying down in huge dark blue sleeping bags. The one on the right was Adam, he had dark chestnut hair and blue eyes that were veiled with a small pair of chrome glasses. The other was George, his well tanned face was illuminated by the proximity of the fire, and his black hair shone brightly.

Adam turned to look at George, who was roasting marshmallows over the fire with a wooden stick.

"Hey George, pass the bag will you?" asked Adam, yawning slightly.

"Sure," said George, tossing the bag across the cave to his friend.

The two were in high spirits, in a week they'd get pokémon and begin their Houenn Gym challenge. They lived in Petalburg and had been anticipating their Trainers licenses with glee. They'd already decided to travel together, at least until Slateport, where their teams would have had ample time to strengthen up. The cave was part of George’s ‘training plan’ so they’d be ready for traveling. Though it’d been hard he’d finally convinced Adam that it was worthwhile with the offer of marshmallows. Their chosen cave was in a range of mountains just outside Petalburg, where extremely strong pokémon lived in the harsh rocky climate.

A deep terrifying roar erupted from far outside the cave, and a resonant pounding could be heard, edging closer and closer. George leapt out of his sleeping bag and peered cautiously around the cave entrance. A gigantic blue and red dragon was thundering it’s way up the path, flapping humongous orange wings that curved inwards. It’s head had two large protrusions of skin that served at rudders when flying, making it’s huge dagger filled mouth capable of catching things in flight. It’s dark body was rounded, and it’s blue legs were thick and positioned like table legs. On the whole, not something you want to see coming towards your hidey-hole.

“In retrospect, I think the Atlan caves might have been a bad choice,” said Adam bitterly, narrowing his eyes.

“We’re about to get eaten alive and all you can think about is sarcasm?” retaliated George, glancing briefly in Adams direction.

“I’d make a… “ Adam began, but was cut off by a huge thud.

Standing in the doorway was the gigantic Salamence, pawing the ground with gigantic feet and roaring loudly. It soon began advancing on the two, pushing them further and further into the cave. The two ran swiftly through the labyrinth of passages, until they reached another cave. The cave floor was covered in browning
straw, and in the far corner a large orange dragon slept. her wings were tucked behind her back, and her burning tail was swaying high above her body. George barely had time to gasp as a jet of green flame lashed out from the Salamences mouth and struck the sleeping Charizard full on.

With a reptilian snarl the Charizard rose from it’s nest, uncovering a large egg, covered in a swirling orange and red pattern. The Salamence had done something
you should never do, disturb a maternal dragon, for at the moment she’d be angry enough to take on Raqyquaza himself. A jet of orange flame blasted the Salamence a black soot like colour, scorching the thick skin badly. In retaliation the blue pokémon shot another jet of green flame, but Charizard was already in flight and easily dodged it, crashing into Salamence with an outstretched claw. She quickly started to Dragon Claw her opponent until it was bleeding heavily, dying the skin a dark crimson. With a final jet of green flame at it’s foe, Salamence fled, being blasted all the way with bright jets of flame. It was lucky that the other dragon needed to tend to her egg, or it probably wouldn’t have escaped with it’s life. Lucky for the Salamence, that is.

Charizard stomped back into her chamber, covering her egg protectively and roaring loudly as a warning to anyone to back off. It appeared unconcerned about the presence of Adam and George however; they were no threat to her or the egg. Deciding it might be prudent to leave, the two slowly backed away from the hatching chamber, and down through the hole cave complex to the entrance.

“Wow…” whispered George when they finally arrived outside.

He glanced at the ashes that had been their campfire, stomped out of existence by the fleeing dragon. The marshmallows were wrecked as well, much to Adam’s dismay.

End Of The Prologue​

 

[Olyon]

Cool, I cant wait to read the rest. I feel a bit humble, rating your prologue seems a little awkward as I am a complete newbie to this forum and you have been on them since September! But anyway it was great, I loved the dragon fight, a bit gory, but it was a good prologue and I cant wait to read more.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Aww, that sucks...you don't have to start a new thread, you could just edit the chapters...otherwise I would've needed several new threads by now XP But ah well, as you said, this probably is a good way to grab more readers

~Chibi~;249;

 

[Blue Aurora]

It quickly started to dragon claw it’s opponent until it was bleeding heavily.

Not the best way to describe the maternal Charizard. A better way would be:

The raging, overprotective mother kept on slashing her opponent with her claws until the opposing dragon's normally blue scales were coated in a bright red.

But other than that, it's a great first start! But could you please do me a favor? Review the story in my sig, Champion of the Wild!

 

[Ash_Junior]

who ever said that Pokemon bood has to be red? it could be yellow, it could be purple...

it could even be hot pink!



great story, EC. The reason I hadn't read this before was that it was, well, long and way into it...

nice job.

 

[Elemental Charizam]

Wow! 4 responses! *puts on celebration music* I just realised I posted the old version though XD No major changes yet so don't bother re-reading

cool, I cant wait to read the rest. I feel a bit degraded and rating your prologue makes me feel uncomfortable as i am a complete newbie to this forum and you have been on them since September! But anyway it was great, I loved the dragon fight, a bit gory, but it was a good prologue and i cant wait to read more.

It doesn't matter how long you've been on the forums, if it did then people would listen to what Serebii had to say. Thanks for the review though, I've started to read yours so yu can expect a review today or tommorow if I forget.

Aww, that sucks...you don't have to start a new thread, you could just edit the chapters...otherwise I would've needed several new threads by now XP But ah well, as you said, this probably is a good way to grab more readers

~Chibi~

Yeah Also, this way existing readers will hopefully re-read, and there are some important changes planned in this revision.

It quickly started to dragon claw it’s opponent until it was bleeding heavily.

Not the best way to describe the maternal Charizard. A better way would be:

The raging, overprotective mother kept on slashing her opponent with her claws until the opposing dragon's normally blue scales were coated in a bright red.

But other than that, it's a great first start! But could you please do me a favor? Review the story in my sig, Champion of the Wild!

That's kinda fixed in the new version, though I think yours is still better. If you look at 'Champion Of The Wild' then you'll see I've reviewed

who ever said that Pokemon blood has to be red? it could be yellow, it could be purple...

it could even be hot pink!



great story, EC. The reason I hadn't read this before was that it was, well, long and way into it...

nice job.

Yeah, Salamencew blood is red, but Gulpin blood for example is a kind of bright-pus yellow :x

Yeah, the old one was kinda large. Thanks for the review

My plan actually seems to have worked *Gasp*
Chapter one should be finished tommorow sometime, though there's still a way to go as it was really short in the old version.

~EC

 

[Kiyohime]

Fee fi fo fum. I'm HERE. Boo. And I shall still be your permament reviewer. *sets up cardboard box and blanket*

You have quite good description, but it seems things happen too quickly. SLow down a little and take the time to describe more in-depth details. ^^ I was not able to find a single spelling or grammaticial error, so good job. ^^

..::Scrap::..

 

[Flaming Lip]

I found a place where you failed to capitalized the first letter of the sentecnce but I really do not care. Good job I want to read more... Post the chapters quickly so you won't be poked with my Ringo Starr doll...

 

[blaziken92]

i love this story keep posting

 

[Elemental Charizam]

Fee fi fo fum. I'm HERE. Boo. And I shall still be your permament reviewer. *sets up cardboard box and blanket*

You have quite good description, but it seems things happen too quickly. SLow down a little and take the time to describe more in-depth details. ^^ I was not able to find a single spelling or grammaticial error, so good job. ^^


..::Scrap::..

Ok, I think this is slowed a bit down from the Prologue simply because of the nature of the contents. Some things aren't described very thorougly though, so it still needs work. I'm suprised at the lack of errors, but it is a pretty short piece...

*hands Scrap permenant reviwer pie, made from 100% real Swellow*

I found a place where you failed to capitalized the first letter of the sentecnce but I really do not care. Good job I want to read more... Post the chapters quickly so you won't be poked with my Ringo Starr doll...

Urk... this doesn't count as late does it? Thanks for the review though *eyes Ringo Starr doll* I think

Thanks for the review too Blaziken, even if it was a bit short

So yes, the first chapter is here! Tremble in fear and such...

Chapter 1: Beginnings​

The chrome alarm-clock rang loudly, waking Adam up from his deep sleep. He jumped from his bed as if it was on fire, and muffling the clock with his pillow while it stopped ringing. Swiftly he changed from his dark blue pajamas into his beige combats and a plain white shirt. Grabbing his black baseball cap he edged the door open, and tip-toed quietly down the carpeted stairs. It was exactly 6:00 in the morning if his clock was set correctly, which left him plenty of time to go to Littleroot and collect his starter. Reaching the polished mahogany door of their house Adam turned the keys discreetly and stepped outside into the fresh air. Taking a deep breath he set off across the dew-covered lawn, making his way to the large pond where he’d agreed to meet George in ten minutes time. Seeing the large body of water come into view he sat on one of the wooden benches that stood inches from the pond.

Suddenly, a pebble skimmed across the tranquil pool, sending large ripples across the reflective surface of the pond and splashing Adam’s face and trousers with icy cold water. Scanning the bank he soon saw George waving to him. He was clothed in his favourite grey sports trousers and dark blue t-shirt, standing out from his lush green surroundings.

“Sorry!” called George, running up to the bench.

“It’s ok, I needed help waking up anyway,” replied Adam sarcastically, getting up from his seat.
“Well, we better get going, we don’t want to be late,” said George cheerfully, ignoring his friends tone.

“Yeah, everyone else is flocking to the lab at twenty-past six in the morning”

Despite his words Adam followed George through the paved streets Petalburg city, passing a Postman on his early delivery. The loud chirping of the dawn chorus accompanied them out of the city and on to the dusty cobblestone path that lead to Oldale; and eventually Littleroot. The two examined the bushes and tall grass for signs of pokémon, seeing how many different species they could see. The most frequent were Tailow, small indigo coloured birds with red and white feathered chests and dark yellow beaks that gleamed in the morning sun as they darted across the grass. Another popular species was Wurmple, a spiky-backed red bug that crawled amongst the grass, gobbling up leaves and grass ravenously.

After a mile or so the slate tiled roofs of Oldale town came into view through the branches of a large ash tree. Oldale was a tiny town consisting of only a Pokécenter, a small shop and a few streets of white houses. Like Petalburg it was a very green city; every house with its own front garden full of colourful summer flowers. Everyone was still asleep so the pair passed through un-noticed, their discussion moving to which starter they planned on choosing.

“I’m hoping for a Charmander, they’re easily the best fire type and my overall favourite of the generic starters. What about you George?” asked Adam, his feet echoing as he walked along the wooden bridge out of Oldale.

“I don’t know… I’m not too keen on the Houenn starters, though Mudkip is alright. I think I’ll go for a Cyndaquil, or maybe a Totodile…” mused George thoughtfully.

As they walked they passed a sign indicating that Littleroot lab was half a mile a way. Picking up the pace the pair zoomed along the tree-surrounded path, leaping over potholes and sliding down ledges. Eventually they reached a cliff overlooking the small village of Littleroot. The sun shone brightly on the log houses of the village, as well as the yellow-brick lab that the two were heading for. George immediately slid down the nearest ledge, and was soon joined by a sighing Adam.

When they did reached the lab it was still closed, so the two went and leaned on the brown brick wall in the designated queue area to wait for Professor Elm to get up. As they reclined another wannabe trainer walked up to their position, humming happily. A black bandanna stretched across his forehead, a sharp contrast with his white hair and emerald eyes. He wore a two-piece black tracksuit and a pair of sparkling white running shoes. Seeing the other two soon-to-be trainers he decided to start up a conversation to pass the time.

“Hi! My name’s Brendan, and I live just opposite the lab,” he said, pointing to his house.

“Hey Brendan! I’m George and this is Adam, and we came here from Petalburg,” said George, smiling.

“Yeah,” agreed Adam grudgingly, before lightening up a bit “do you know which starter you want yet?”

“Yep, I’m hoping to get a Torchic, and seeing as Dad has a surplus and I’m third here it shouldn’t be a problem,” said Brendan, grinning widely at the thought of having his own pokémon.

Just then the glass doors of the lab slid open and the Professor walked out, ruffling his pale brown hair. Compared to other professors Elm was quite young, though he still wore the traditional white lab coat. Clapping his hands together he surveyed the group happily, gesturing at them to come in.

“Hello everyone! I’m Professor Elm, though I’m sure some of you know this already,” he said, winking at Brendan discreetly. “Today I’m going to show you a brief training video, and then you’ll receive your starting pokémon. Any questions?”

Everyone shook their heads, so the Professor led them through the twin doors. The sterilized white floor tiles of the corridor gave the lab an unnatural disinfected smell like that of a dentist’s tools. The white walls and metal doors were equally clean, glowing in the sun that filtered through the windows. As they walked further they passed several advanced looking chrome machines with tiny lights and beeps emanating from them sporadically. After a while of the sparkly corridors the Professor came to a stop outside a door, and pushed it open.

A dark green carpet covered the entire floor, and the walls were covered in large mahogany paneling. Unlike the futuristic corridors the room gave off a cozy vibe, a crackling fire in the left corner of the room heating it easily. The most remarkable thing however was a gigantic plasma TV that occupied the entire right wall, surrounded by brown leather sofas.

“Well you three, just take a seat on one of those sofas and wait for the rest to come. I’ll just start the video off – the beginning is unnecessary anyway,” sighed Elm, pressing a button as he left the room.

The massive screen sprang to life instantly, displaying a plain dark-olive background with the words ‘Pokémon and You’ in swirling black writing. It faded away to reveal an old Professor with light grey hair and surprisingly tanned skin walking through a forest. The tips of brown leather shoes poked out from his lab coat as he walked, the swishing of his coat loud in the quiet environment. Eventually he sat down on a tree stump and the camera zoomed in.

“Hello everybody! I’m Professor Oak, and I’m here to guide you through choosing your starting pokémon,” saying this, Oak took a pokéball from his belt a pressed the button.

In a flash of brilliant light a small purple rat appeared, long whiskers twitching in curiosity. Her small curly tail was brushing the ground, and her creamy belly fur was flattened to her body. As if this wasn’t enough, her pearly incisor teeth were bared; it was obvious she was nervous. But as soon as she saw Oak she dropped the defensive position, at ease in his company.

“This is a Rattata, a common pokémon in the Kanto region. The thing many forget about pokémon is while they’re as intelligent as us, and sometimes more so, they are much more in tune with their instincts and nature. This particular Rattata is not in danger however, she’s just a very nervous individual,” said Oak in an amused tone.

-“Yeah, well, this forest is pretty intimidating from down here,”- she muttered timidly.

“Don’t be surprised if you and your pokémon don’t instantly hit it off, it can take a while to bond with your pokémon, especially ones who are timid, irritably or reclusive. Friendship is however a very important part of training, knowing your pokémons strengths and weaknesses greatly helps in devising strategies, they’ll be easier to carry out and have a greater effect. Out of the three types offered as starters each one is strong against one of the other three, and weak to the other,” explained Oak happily. “However, I’m not just talking about type advantages.”

Reaching behind him Oak brought out a large square card, holding it up so the camera could see. On it, there was a photograph of a small circular pokémon. Inside the clear whitish chest the dark black of the intestines could be clearly seen, swirling hypnotically. Apart from the chest area and the transparent tail, smooth navy skin encased the frog-like creature. Poking through at the top of the head were two rounded eyes that seemed to peer out, and the rubbery lips formed a perfect ‘O’ shape.

“This is a Poliwag; an unusual water type. What’s unusual is the way they can use their spiraling intestines to hypnotize foes, leaving the helpless. Because of this, Poliwag and its evolutions have an advantage over slower opponents, though the quick can strike first, obliterating the advantage. Lastly however, you must incorporate your pokémons personality into your strategy. A risky plan will be much more successful with a reckless pokémon who won’t doubt the plan and hesitate, just as a more defensive strategy is better suited to one with patience. With this, I conclude this brief video, I hope it helps you make the right choice,” finished Oak, smiling briefly before the TV was turned off again.

As Adam glanced over his shoulder he saw Birch was back, with quite a few new trainers. At the moment The Professor was adjusting a machine that seemed to have slid right out of the wall. Simultaneously, he and George rose and walked over, closely followed by Brendan. As they arrived, Birch stepped back from the machine and pressed the ‘ON’ button. On the screen were the images of the nine starters from Kanto, Johto and Houenn. George was up first, and after a short pause he chose Totodile; a small blue crocodile with an impressive set of razor sharp teeth and sharp gripping claws. As he made the selection, a pokéball with the words ‘TOTODILE♀’ inscribed in tiny letters shot out from the dome with a clunk. As George got out of the way, Adam stepped up and immediately selected Charmander; a smooth-skinned orange lizard with a flaming tail tip and milky white stomach. His pokéball arrived in the same way as before, the words ‘CHARMANDER (S) ♂’ inset into the ball. With a small shove from the queue behind him, Brendan stepped up and picked Torchic; a flightless orange bird with sharp yellow talons. His own pokéball plopped out, the inscription reading ‘TORCHIC ♀’.

As the other trainers stepped forwards eagerly, Brendan and George hurriedly pressed the central button on the balls, releasing their choices. As Brendan’s fluffy Torchic emerged, she instantly started to hop about, chirping happily. Totodile emerged seconds after, stretching and yawning widely. George picked her up, though he was almost blinded when the sunlight reflected off the golden strip in her midsection. Adam chuckled slightly, and released his Charmander…

The End Of Chapter 1​

 

[Kiyohime]

Well-done, but a bit generic, although it was interesing at the end how you had their genders inscribed on the Pokeballs. ^^ When I say generic, I mean as in it isn't original with the starters and the laboratory. =/ Although, it is very improved from the revised version. There are simply a few spots where it's a little unclear as to who is speaking, such as with the Rattata.

..::Scrap::..

 

[Elemental Charizam]

I know, I'm guilty of genericide XD Proffesor Tree and all... at least they didn't live in Littleroot right? The Rattata line is odd now I read it, I never even said she was female before. I'll try and edit it to make more sense.

Anyway, here is Chapter two. I have a love-hate relationship with gthis Chapter... I like how it turned out, but it's too short really. I've been trying to edit it for ages, but I've given up for the time being.

Chapter 2: Ready to Go!​

As the red glow faded away it revealed a Charmander; but his smooth skin was pitch-black instead of orange, and his white stomach glowed far brighter than normal. His ruby eyes glanced around the room, taking particular interest in the trainer before him. Brendan and George looked at the unusual pokémon with interest, while Adam cocked his eyebrow in surprise. Even some of the queuing trainers noticed, several of them eyeing Charmander jealously.

-“Is this my trainer then?”- he asked the professor, pointing to Adam with one of his small arms.

“Yes, it seems so,” Elm answered Charmander, before turning to Adam. “I’m sure you’re wondering where I got this fellow? I have many shiny pokémon thanks to my grandson. He found this Charmander in a rocket warehouse in the Sevii islands, so after I scanned his data I thought the best way of getting more data on him would be to give him to a trainer.”

He rummaged in his lab coats pocket, finally withdrawing his hand with a small rectangular card grasped firmly. Checking it briefly to make sure it was the right one, he handed it to Adam.

“If anything you think is unusual happens, please contact me at the lab,” he added briskly.

”Sure, I will,” said Adam nonchalantly, taking the card and putting it in his wallet.

Meanwhile Totodile and Torchic had started chasing each other around the room, dislodging some of the books on the shelves and sending them tumbling to the ground. Dodging they’re trainers attempts to recall them, they jumped down, Totodile giving George an annoyed look.

“Sorry!” said the two trainers in unison.

“It’s ok, it’s just a few rumpled pages,” said Elm, picking up the fallen books.

“Well, I better be going, my mom has a ‘surprise’ for me at home,” said Brendan, slinging his bag high on his shoulder, and brushing his white hair behind his head.

“Yeah, we should be going too, we’re expected back at Petalburg,” agreed George.

“Well before you go, I have something else to give you,” said the professor, handing them each a red semi-oval device. “That’s V.3 of the pokédex, it has information on almost all the pokémon species, it’ll be a valuable asset in your journey!”

“Thanks professor!” said Brendan and George in unison, admiring their pokédexes.

“Yeah…thanks,” Adam yawned.

The two made the journey through the maze of corridors accompanied by Brendan and a few other trainers who’d just received starters or pokédexes. Pushing the doors wide open they took a deep breath of fresh air, before setting off for Petalburg. Totodile ran ahead, somersaulting in joy to be outside, while Charmander kept pace with his trainer, brushing the floor with his flaming tail. They walked for a long time, chatting about their starters, how humans were ‘dim in the brain’, and how Charmander could use ‘a drop of tact and a big bottle of shut up’.

As the group departed Oldale George heard a noise behind them; high pitched, like a Rattata squeaking. Turning around he saw a small white pokémon with a circular green head and a bright orange triangle jutting oddly from her midriff. He didn’t need to use his pokédex to tell what pokémon this was, his little sister adored Ralts. He mentally groaned, he didn’t have any pokéballs, it would have been great to surprise his little sis with a Ralts, and a psychic pokémon was always handy to have around. Adam had obviously noticed it too, as he was reaching for his pokédex with a curious expression.

“No need buddy, this is a Ralts. Don’t you remember at my sisters birthday party?” said George looking expectantly at his friend.

Realization slowly dawned on Adams face “I remember. She had a Ralts cake with ghastly pink icing. Let’s see, if I remember correctly it’s a psychic type, right?”

“Yep,” George answered “I just wish I had some pokéballs with me.”

“Well, you could always battle it for experience, it’d be a waste to just do nothing,” replied Adam.

“Yeah, I guess so,” said George, grinning broadly. “Totodile go!”

The Ralts looked at the two, confused by their babbling. Suddenly a Totodile dropped into her vision, and started to bite at her viciously, her small maw dripping with dark energy as she did so. Dodging the attacks the small pokémon grasped at her head, sending projections of herself all around Totodile with an impressive Double Team technique. George looked in admiration at the move, it had Totodile utterly confused; and pretty annoyed too for that matter.

“Totodile, Water Gun in the air!” commanded George after a brief pause.

Nodding happily, Totodile opened her mouth again and sent a stream of clear water high in the air, spaying a fountain water through the mirror images and causing them to falter. He could see which was the real Ralts, now drenched from head to toe, and luckily she was right in front of Totodile.

“Totodile, aim your Water Gun straight ahead, and follow with a Bite attack!” said George, hoping it would be successful.

His Totodile obeyed him, soaking the Ralts with another jet of water, and sending her flying into the tree. As she began to rise Totodile rushed forwards, closing her jaw on the Ralts stomach and knocking her foe temporarily unconscious. George raised his hand in victory, and brought it swooping down to meet Totodile’s arm. As they walked on they continued celebrating to the point where their voices could be heard all the way on Worlds Edge island.

“No need to get so exited, it was just a Ralts after all,” said Adam as George continued to celebrate.

“I think you’re just jealous that I won a battle and you haven’t even had one yet!” retorted George.

“Why would I be jealous of a small thing like that? I think you’re just touchy, as usual,”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not the one who….” George was interrupted by a jet of water hitting him in the face.

-“Stop arguing! We’re here!”- yelled an angry Totodile, pointing at a sign saying ‘Petalburg City’.

Following Totodiles finger, George saw that they were on the outskirts of Petalburg, the shiny peach coloured houses with red brick roofs mingling into the nearby forest. But before he could say anything about their location, Adam did.

“Well we’re here, goodbye! See ‘ya later!” called Adam, speaking very fast as he ran off to his house.

George blinked in an exaggerated tone, before heading off to his house, glowering slightly at his Water-Gun happy Totodile and muttering about umbrellas.

Adam opened his door, quickly, heading across the green carpet for the comfortable red sofas to sit down and rest. But before he could, his family erupted from behind them, grins plastered firmly on their faces. Adam also noticed a large pile of gifts between the two sofas, glittering in gold, silver, and in one case, orange.

“Surprise!” yelled the group as bright multi-colored streamers were released from the ceiling, and someone fired a party-popper in his direction. Ducking for cover he chuckled, though it turned into a hysterical laugh when he saw the shocked expression on Charmanders face.

The End of Chapter 2​

~EC

 

[Olyon]

i love shiny pokemon, theyre so cool and its a charmander! I love charmander!! im glad u got a decent reason for Adam to recieve it as well.

Dodging they’re trainers attempts to recall them, the jumped down, Totodile giving George an annoyed look.

I was unsure as to what this sentence meant, but i think the "the jumped down" bit should be they jumped down, if it isnt, plz tell me wat u meant

Anyway, im gonna read more once u write it, your writing keeps me interested. Iwas kind of dissapointed when i ddnt guess what the pokemon was when u described the Ralts, but thts just my lack of knowledge .

Actually, I realised somethin, isnt a shiny Charmander supposed to be a golden colour, the Charizard is black but Charmanders golden. But im just bein picky, the black Charmander probably has somethin to do with the plot or maybe the shiny pokemon are different colours in ur story, i wont know unless i read so ill shut up now.

Edit: Sorry about all that bloody chat speak ;

 

[Elemental Charizam]

Thanks for the typo finding, it's been corrected now

As for the Charmander thing, I'm suprised you're the first to mention it. Shinies can be pretty much any colour variation possible in my fics, so Charmander isn't too odd. That doesn't mean it doesn't have to do with the plot though Thanks for reviewing again Olyon, have some pie *hands Swellow pie*

 

[Elemental Charizam]

Okay, I think this is a good time to post Chapter Three ^_^ I won't be posting Chapter Four for quite some time due top certain exams. Not that it'll be a problem seeing as most reviwers are MIA as well XD

Chapter 3: Leaving Petalburg​

As soon as the bombardment of multicolour string was over, Adam leapt up from behind his bunker. The whole family grinned at him, and orally ushered him over to his pile of presents. His mother, Carla had straight mahogany hair and shining emerald eyes. She was tall and fairly thin, with a oval shaped head on her shoulders. Her daughter Aya was like a mirror image, only slightly smaller in stature, though her wide smile was by far the largest. Peter, his father, was a tall muscular man with short black messy hair, and a toned down version of his daughters grin plastered on his tanned face. As Adam walked over to his mound of gifts, Charmander followed him from behind the sofa, flashing a reptilian grin at the gathered group.

-“Hey everyone! This guy, who I guess you know, is going to be my trainer! Great, huh? I’ll become so great, I’ll look at Rayquaza with scorn! I’ll laugh as I thrash Kyorgre with a single…”- babbled Charmander excitedly, not giving anyone a chance to speak, or breathe for that matter.

“You got a shiny starter!?” yelled his sister over the din, winking at Adam quickly. “How much did you give Elm, 500? 600?”

Choosing not to answer Adam glanced again at his humongous pile of presents. His sister was nudging him to open them, anxious to see what he had, or possibly just to shut Charmander up. Rolling his eyes in amusement, Adam lifted up his first gift; a cylindrical package wrapped in glossy orange paper with a Charizard print. It was Adam’s personal favourite, a gigantic fire-breathing dragon that decimated foes with ease. Carefully he sliced through the holographic tape that bonded the paper together with a sharp pair of scissors. Unfurling the paper carefully, he revealed a black pokéball belt, with six chrome shells attached to it.

“It’s from me,” said his sister grinning “I saw it in the Lilycove store. You can use any of those cases as covers for any kind of pokéballs. Pity I didn’t know you’d get a shiny, I could have gotten you the sparkly black ones instead.”

“Thanks sis!” said Adam, giving his sister the thumbs up sign.

Next he chose the largest present, a gigantic square covered in bright gold paper, with a silver ribbon tied elegantly around it. It sparkled promisingly as Adam undid the bow and prized the paper open. In the box was an equally black backpack with a with a large, white stencil pokéball on the lower compartment. At the top, the top of two potions poked through, and a slight bulge betrayed the presence of further goods. There was a side pocket for berries, another for TMs and badges and the main compartment for potions, food an anything else.

“That’s from us,” said his parents together, smiling brightly.

“Thanks!” said Adam happily, picking up a slightly smaller package from the floor.

This last one was wrapped in silver wrapping, which soon came off with the assistance of the scissors. When it fell to the ground it revealed a book called ‘The Gym Leaders of Houenn and Advanced Battle Strategy ~By Professor Iris’, and a pair of velvet-covered black cases. He soon realized they two where a TM case and a badge case respectively, as it was written in neat silver ink on the back of each. The TM case had a hundred and twenty-eight slots for the small move-teaching devices, and the badge case had 8 stones in different colours, with a groove to fit it’s designated badge. Brushing away the paper wrapping into a nearby bin, he glanced again at the gifts, obviously impressed; for once.

“Thanks guys!” he laughed, and submitted to a hug from his parents.

“You should pack all the stuff ‘ya want quick, you don’t want to be the last trainer on the road!” advised Aya cheerfully as Charmander twittered away behind her.

*********​

Later that day he said his farewells to his family; who waved goodbye from the porch. He hoisted his fully packed bag higher on his shoulder, and went to meet George on the stretch of path between their houses. George was for once early, and it seemed that he too had got a new bag, a large black one with emerald patches on the side compartments.

“Hey Adam, you ready to head out into the forest?” asked George.

“Sure!” replied Adam, filled with unusual cheer.

So they set off through Petalburg, trampling passed houses and shops until they reached the healthy fauna that grew on the outskirts of the city. They were met with a pleasant sea breeze as they reached the cliffs overlooking the beach, and walked calmly down the weathered steps to the speckled sands. They started the long journey across it, watching the tide lap the shore in silence. After a few minutes f silent ambling they saw a young trainer, rolling a black ball to his floating pokémon. The Solrocks main circular body was dark orange, and it had brighter orange spikes jutting from its rocky skin. While its eyes were round, only a small slit opened so it could see, the golden eyelid protecting its red glowing eyes. Every so often it spun around, using its twirling spikes to knock the ball high, until eventually it hit the sand with a smack like a spade hitting wet cement. The boy himself had short brown hair and wore black shorts and a red t-shirt dotted with random symbols in blue ink. Seeing Charmander and Totodile he rushed towards them, panting heavily from the exertion. Eventually he arrived beside them, followed by an equally tired Solrock.

“Hey!” he yelled rudely, still out of breath. “Will either of you two battle me and my Solrock?”

“Uh sure, why not?” said George, hurling a pokéball high in the air. “Go Totodile!”

Out popped… nothing. George saw his blue little crocodile already out with a grin plastered on her menacing face. Seeing the Solrock she turned to battle stance, waving her arms quickly and dancing about with amazing agility. The Solrock glided closer, ready for the inevitable order to strike.

“Solrock, Slam!” yelled the trainer abruptly, shattering the tense silence.

“Totodile, Water Gun!” countered George quickly.

The rocky pokémon sped towards Totodile, pointing knife like blades straight forwards. But before it could touch Totodile a jet of icy water hit it hard, reversing its trajectory. The Solrock was obviously devastated by the attack, thrown deep into the wet sand by the force. Still, it hovered up again, though the attack had caused a lot of damage.

“Solrock, Solar Beam them now!” yelled the boy angrily.

“Quick, Totodile, finish it with another Water Gun!” said George, exasperated.

And he had a good reason to be, the Solrock was already charged due to the hot midday sun. After glowing for a few seconds it sent a glowing beam of light straight at the approaching spout of water. They met midway, the solar beam evaporating the water and hitting the sand to its opponents left. The glow fading from its skin, the Solrock fainted from sheer exhaustion. Totodile, while mildly scorched, was still conscious, dancing in victory and squealing happily at her victory. The young boy was clearly disappointed, recalling Solrock with a look of distain, before walking off to the pokémon center in a silent rage.

“What was his problem?” asked Adam, rolling his eyes.

“Dunno, I guess he took losing pretty hard,” replied George.

“Yeah, he must have a degree in jerkitude. He must have been training with Solrock earlier too, it fainted way too fast,” stated Adam thoughtfully. “And I still haven’t battled yet!”

-“Yeah, I need to battle, I’ll be the greatest pokémon ever…”- agreed Charmander dreamily.

“Come on then, the forest’s just ahead. Maybe we can make it to Rustboro today so we can kick some serious behind!” yelled George, braking into a swift run.

Adam soon followed, calling to his daydreaming Charmander to follow before he got soaked by the tide. The ash black pokémon followed them, walking up to Totodile, and starting up a conversation. He was hoping to make friends with his fellow pokémon, even if she was a water type. The two walked side by side, keeping pace with their trainers as they sped across the sand. Adam could overhear his pokémon talk about his close encounter with the sea, though he was sadly unable to hear Totodiles reply.

As they finally reached the end of the long beach around half an hour later they were exhausted, climbing up the stairs on all fours. Even the boisterous Totodile was worn out, her mouth hanging open to cool off. As the ground above them turned to grass George furrowed his brow in confusion, and pointed ahead to show Adam and the pokémon what he saw.

“Hey what’s... What’s going on over there?” he panted heavily, pointing to a huge crowd gathered outside the forest.

Sighing at the though of more running work, Adam staggered over to the gasping crowd with George just in front. Intrigued, George pushed and shoved his way through the horrified crowd, and gazed at the object of their attention.

George threw up.

The End Of Chapter 3​

 

[Olyon]

O wow, i gotta know wht that was! Plz continue with this fic, I was wondering what had happened to it! Not much to comment on really, the overall writing was good.

Plz post the next chap. i rely wanna see what it was.

 

[Elemental Charizam]

Okay, Chapter four is finally done! I'm not really happy with it, and it is a bit short, but at least I completed it Before reading, I reccomend you read Tragedy at Ilex - Lost in Time as it contains information that relates heavily to the overall plot, and mildly to this Chapter. Without further babble, here it is.

:snowlax: No, here it is:

Chapter 4: Omens​

Before him lay the tattered corpse of a Swellow, its feathers faded into a pallid blue. A huge slash had been torn across the creamy stomach, spattering it with crimson blood. Above the vacant eyes a four-fingered hand mark sparkled an eerie white, emitting a steady glow. The huge crowd looked in disapproval at the morbid scene; many, like George, vomiting at the sight. Adam jogged up behind George, clearly interested in whatever was going on.

“Hey George! What is it?” he asked as soon as he was within talking distance.

“You don’t want to know. Trust me,” replied George weakly.

“Yeah, that really sated my curiosity,” sighed Adam sarcastically, walking over to the crowd and slowly pushing his way through.

By the time he emerged from the crowd several police officers had arrived and were dispersing the group. Adam jogged up to George, having had time to recover some of his energy whilst in the crowd. A paramedic had followed the officers and was conducting a brief vital signs check on the obviously dead Swellow.

“We should probably leave, before this gets even more disgusting,” muttered George, ushering Adam and the two pokémon into the forest with repetitive hand gestures. “It isn’t really the best omen for the start of our journey either, is it?”

“Yeah, I’m sure we’ll encounter many dead Swellows on our path,” scoffed Adam in reply.

They fell into silence as they trudged along the dusty path beneath the canopy, the calming dappled light that broke through erasing thoughts of any Swellows, dead or otherwise. Charmander and Totodile had ignored the event altogether, and were engaged in a repetitive argument about the sea.

*********​

Putting the Swellow incident behind them, the gang had traveled far considering it had only been eight hours. The two trainers were deep inside Petalburg woods in a clearing surrounded by thick bushes covered by a large crop of growing Oran berries. These blue berries helped pokémon and humans heal, though they provided only a small meal. The tall trees around them swayed, making rustling noises in the gloom of evening. With the sun veiled behind clouds, the only light came from two electronic lanterns held by Adam and George, and Charmanders bright burning tail.

“I think we better camp here, it’s not like the forest will get any comfier,” sighed Adam, hurling his back on the ground.

“Yeah,” agreed George, putting down his lantern, positioning it so its light would cover the ground he planned to use to put the tent.

With the combined efforts of Adam and George, the tent eventually took shape, a dark green half dome with a small circular entrance. Climbing through, Adam laid out his sleeping bag on the right side of the tent, and placed his lantern to its side, before dragging in his backpack too. George reluctantly took the left side, sighing deeply as he laid out his stuff.

“I’ll just go get some of those Oran berries outside,” Adam called to George, crawling through the tent door.

“Sure, I’ll just stay here,” replied George, pulling out his GBA.

Emerging into the cold clearing, Adam gave a shiver as he held his trembling lantern above his head. Spotting the Oran berries he saw earlier, he walked slowly towards them, careful of any roots encroaching on the clearing. Crouching reluctantly on the damp grass, Adam began the slow task of picking the berries and depositing them in a small brown bag.

“God, these infernal Oran berries are staining my hands blue!” he sighed loudly, turning back to camp with his bag of berries.

Running inside, he dropped the berry pouch neatly into its allotted bag compartment, and pulled the days’ paper out of his bag and wiped his fingers on the back. After they were satisfactory, he flipped it over and scanned the front page for anything interesting. Surprisingly, ‘THE F.U.R TIMES’ had a front page that didn’t blabber about a celebrity sleeping with somebody. Deciding it’d interest George, Adam read the small part he could read aloud.

“Hey George, listen to this! It’s about Celebi,” he called over, before reciting the newspaper, “Celebi Shock at Ilex: On the 23rd of June, hundreds of people gather for Celebi to make her annual appearance. But a huge shock awaits them; Celebi didn’t come. In her place a colossal energy wave strikes the forest, sending the panicking crowds scattered across the forest and scorching closer trees. We talk to professor Esmic about the true meaning of the attack, and why… It ends rather abruptly, huh? It says there’s more on page one through thirty-four though.”

“Crap, yet another bad sign,” moaned George, taking a long look at the huge picture of scorched woodland and furious rioters.

“I think if it were really an omen, it’d be a bit overkill-ish,” sighed Adam, lying down and turning off the light before George could argue.

He turned to watch Totodile and Charmander attempt to make a fire to cheer himself up. Totodile had placed a ring of soaked stones around the pile of kindling, and was waiting impatiently for Charmander to light it, which was a rather amusing sight to behold.

-“Charmander!”- yelled Totodile angrily. -“Stop cracking jokes and light the stupid fire!”-

-“Lighten up Totodile, you get really touchy sometimes. Calm down,”- replied Charmander, chuckling as he used Ember to spark the branches alight.

As the two pokémon walked into their tent, white eyes flickered into life again. Rustling through the bushes, the sinister apparition cackled menacingly as it crept through the forest, malicious thoughts spinning through its head. More weaklings…

*********​

Charmander awoke, and stretched his short arms, yawning loudly. Looking around, he saw Totodile, writing something on a pad. Charmander walked over to Totodile, and tapped her shoulder. Spinning around she dropped the notebook, and looked around, seeing Charmander.

-“Oh, it’s just you, I hope you haven’t messed up my diary…”- said Totodile reproachfully.

Charmander gave a gigantic snicker, putting his hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter. Taking deep breathes, he opened his mouth, trying to speak, before collapsing back into laughter.

-“You keep a diary! That isn’t the hyperactive Totodile I hardly know!”- he spluttered –“Since when?”-

-“For your information I just started it, I thought I’d like to have a record of my travels, but it’s obvious you’re too stupid to plan ahead!”- bellowed Totodile, nearly waking up their trainers.

With a snort, Charmander went back to lie down, muttering under his breath about the stupidity of Totodile keeping a diary.

The End Of Chapter 4​

 

[Olyon]

Well I cant wait to see what happens next, you have a nack for making me do that .

Well I only have one complaint:

Early the other day

that part from the newspaper seemed very unnoficial. If the newspaper was going to give the news, I think they should've told the actual day of the occurance and not just "the other day", please tell me if I have interpreted it wrong.

I can tel the relationship between Charmander and Totodile will become very amusing as the story progresses and again, I cant wait tro see what happens next

 

[Umbrazard]

Well, I've decided to return the favor and review yor fic. I guess I'll do my standard chart.

Plot: Usually by four chapters I can get an idea of the plot in a fic but... this is different. I guess for now, because it seems like a basic trainer journey a lil I'll give it an 8/10 (temporarily)
Characters: Umm, a little weak in my opinion we still don't know much about them yeat but like I said usually by 4 chaps that's apparent too. 8/10 (temporary) ALso, why do you call ur Pokemon by their species names? JOoC.
Spelling/Grammar: Um, no offense but this isn't your strength. Don't worry, it's not mine either, your problem is spelling and mine is grammar. I suggest getting a beta. It helped me a lot. 7/10

There was 1 more but I for got it. Ill review like this again when u write more.
so ur score is ;248;.;006; (7.75/10)

Btw, I LOVE this fic, don't let the score fool you, like i said 1 category's missing and two are temporary.
~Umbra;197;

 

[Elemental Charizam]

I've been away for a week, so I didn't have time to respond to reviews or revise Chapter five, though that shouldn't take too long. Anyways, thanks Olyon and Umbrazard for reviewing.

that part from the newspaper seemed very unnoficial. If the newspaper was going to give the news, I think they should've told the actual day of the occurance and not just "the other day", please tell me if I have interpreted it wrong.

You're probably right actually, from what I remember from Newspaer writing it should always seem like the event happens in the present... Gah, I'll re-re-re revise that part.

Plot: Usually by four chapters I can get an idea of the plot in a fic but... this is different. I guess for now, because it seems like a basic trainer journey a lil I'll give it an 8/10 (temporarily)

Yeah, the plot doesn't fully emerge for a while, it's just hinted at. I don't want the main 'bad guys' to have operatives so incompitent that they can be beaten by beggining trainers, so it's mainly side-plots for a while. One which is rather funny if I do say so myself...

Characters: Umm, a little weak in my opinion we still don't know much about them yeat but like I said usually by 4 chaps that's apparent too. 8/10 (temporary) ALso, why do you call ur Pokemon by their species names? JOoC.

Are they? I'll admit to not exploring the inner depths of their souls yet, but I thought they were alright for four chapters... Hopefully Chapter five will be better. If you'd read the old version, you'd know that they get names later, on protest of not having any. In the kind of society this is set in, pokémon in the wild have private names, and name themselves when travelling with a trainer too, though the meaning of the name can be quite different.

Spelling/Grammar: Um, no offense but this isn't your strength. Don't worry, it's not mine either, your problem is spelling and mine is grammar. I suggest getting a beta. It helped me a lot. 7/10

I pretty much agree there. I do techinically still have a beta (Chibi), but I don't want to bug her while she's banned.

VERY MILD SPOILERAGE: The next Chapter features a new, rather unusual capture for one of the duo. I'll also add a menu style piece in the first post, though these facts are not in any way related.