O
*OmegaGlalie*
Guest
If you don’t like humor and don’t like anything random, then this isn’t a fic for you.
Some chapters might be PG but a bit might be PG-13.
The narrator is a he and actually talks a little bit to the character. So, yah, the forth wall does get smashed/broke/whatever..
-----------------------------
Chapter 1
Of Noobs and Jirachi
-----------------------------
“I know this a dream.” A boy named Ryan thought. He tried to place the thought in speech, but his mouth refused to work. Ryan was positive he was dreaming. That was the ultimate sign. Right after bricks became pancakes in his dream world. He knew that the world wasn’t made of bricks, random shapes, talking Dewgongs, a Flareon shouting the word penis at the top of it's lungs, and swirls of light spinning and stretching in an almost empty world.
Ryan had small arms. Although he had little strength in them, he made up for that lack of strength with incredible dexterity. Ryan also made up for his weak arms with his thick, almost muscular, legs. Despite his off balance limbs, the rest of Ryan’s body looked balanced. He had blonde hair that seemed rather plain and always managed to stick up in one certain place on his head. He had blue eyes that shimmered with happiness and curiosity. In his dream and reality, Ryan was wearing a green shirt with ‘Pokemon Battle School 2658-2659’ labeled on it in red, and he also sported khaki pants.
“Ryan, you will not only find the true meaning of life, but nachos under your pillow.” Bellowed a strong raspy voice that was coming from nowhere, yet everywhere, at the same time. “And tell your Poochyena this: U roxxor Poochy!”
Ryan’s face turned tomato red with anger. He was not going to get bossed around by some voice that talked like someone who spent all day typing in an internet chatroom!
It was at that moment the whole dream changed. The bricks turned into the evilest evil, pancakes! Pancakes were only eviler than Ryan’s sister, Lindsey! The Flareon kept shouting penis.
Lindsey had coconut brown hair, electric blue eyes, and pale skin that had little exposure to the sun. She was a mad girl who evil deeds ranged from gorging an innocent Skitty’s eyes out to blowing up Uranus (no one liked that planet anyway).
The raspy voice said one last thing to Ryan before he woke up, “Ryan why the hell did you leave Poochy outside? He has been barking out there since the middle of the night you *******!”
Ryan jumped to his feet as Lindsey slapped him awake.
“Ryan why the hell did you leave Poochy outside? He has been barking out there since the middle of the night you *******!” screamed Lindsey, angrily. “GO GET THE DOG YOU PUDGY *******!” Ryan grimaced in pain. No matter how hard he tried, his sister’s insults always hurt him.
“Fine! I’ll get the dog you *******!” yelled Ryan at the top of his lungs after he punched his sister.
“You made a big mistake!” yelled Faith, her voice bounced off the walls and into Ryan’s ears as she pulled out a metallic gun. “I’m going to blast you into 2007, which is six hundred, fifty-two years away!”
“Please! Just let me look at my comic collection one more time!” begged Ryan. Large tears rolled off his eyes and onto his plain green shirt.
“I’ll let you look at your crap, if, you get the Poochyena!” wailed Lindsey, pointing her gun at Ryan’s head. She might have well shot Ryan right then and there. Those comics were like his babies to him.
“Thanks!” responded Ryan sarcastically as he slinked out of his room. He trudged down the white, clean stairs. He opened the door to the backyard.
“POOOOCCCHHHYYY GEEETTT YYYYOOOUUURR *** IIINNN HHHEERRREEE OOOORRR II’LLLLL SSPPPPAAANNNKKKK YYYOOOUUU!!!” shouted Ryan at the top of his lungs. He scanned the backyard, searching for the Poochyena. The lush backyard was filled with trees except on the patio that Ryan was standing on. It led to a pool and connected to the door of his house. The backyard also had a large pool which Ryan and Poochy would swim in during the summer.
“Bark bark!” barked Poochy at the Pinecos in the trees. His aggressive racket did little to the pinecone of Pokemon.
“Puppy puppy, GIT IN HERE!” roared Ryan. Poochy eyed the Pinecos, waiting for one to drop so he could eat it. Hey, it was better than kibbles to him. So, Ryan jumped at the Pokemon and scooped him up all in one single motion.
Poochy looked like any Poochyena from 2659. He had a head with black and white all over it, He had floppy black ears, a long white fluffy tail, and the rest of him was white except for his back which was black.
“Here is your Poochy!’ yelled Ryan as he flung Poochy into Faith’s arms, he entered his room, and he screamed, ‘your fic doesn’t deserve two stars but my bananas will be avenged by a hologram projector ’!
“Now shoot me! I’m tired of 1337 noobs telling me to tell Poochy, ‘U roxxor’, I’m tired of Poochy’s run on sentences, and I’m tired of waiting for Jirachi to show up!” yelled Ryan. His words rang into Lindsey and Poochy’s eardrums.
“Mom said I shouldn’t be playing with real guns and she took them away. Don’t get mad…” Stammered Lindsey. This was the first time Lindsey trembled in fear in front of him. Ryan thought that Lindsey was scared of him. But everyone knows Lindsey was too colorful to fear Ryan.
“Do you even know what the word colorful means?” Lindsey asked me. (How dare she break the forth wall!)
Frankly, I don’t know what it means.
“Narrator, you should know better than to use words that you don’t know what they mean.” Ryan told me.
“Well,” started Ryan but before he could babble on about walnuts and my adjective trouble, ninja Aipoms crashed through the ceiling. Bits of ceiling dropped to the floor. Dust floated through the room.
“Ryan, you must give us the green or face me in a Humanmon battle, sushi!” cried the first of the three Aipoms.
If it weren’t for the fact that those monkeys had there dinky little tails with one hand on each of them, no one would’ve know they were Aipoms because they were covered from head to toe in Scotch tape.
“Our tails are about as dinky as we are addicted to banana’s, sushi!” yelled the first Aipom as he pointed to me, (how could he point to me if I wasn’t even in this story?) he trembling in anger. But I was going to prove him wrong.
A banana dropped from the hole in the roof. The third and second ninja Aipom eyed the banana. But, before they could leap for the banana, a blur of flesh and cloth grabbed the banana! It was Ryan, oh no, we’re doomed….
“Gimme the banana, grump.” screeched the second Aipom.
“Gimme the banana, bacon fritters!” screeched the third Aipom.
“Gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…” growled Ryan like an angry Mightyena. The hair on his back stood up, he squinted at the ninjas, his eyes in an angry glare. The Aipoms tackled him, all three of them were tumbling around the room growling, hissing, gnawing and ripping at each other. Ryan was barking and growling like a Mightyena. I think I have made my point.
“Gimme the green stuff little girl, sushi!” hissed the first Aipom his hand open as he stared at Lindsey. I think he forgot about me. “I was merely ignoring you Narrator, and call me Crapper, John Crapper.”
“Okay, he’s some money.” responded Lindsey; in her hand was a twenty dollar bill.
“I didn’t think someone like you would give away their money, sushi.” said Crapper.
“It’s my brother’s nimrod.’ said Lindsey.
The Aipom hit Lindsey on the hand. Causing her to drop the dollar bill. “I wanted the nachos, sushi!” hissed the Aipom.
“Ryan, Poochy, now!” shouted Lindsey, Ryan rolled away from the monkeys and reached his arm out to Poochy’s front arm. Both of them wore yellow ring on their pointer fingers that were not there five seconds ago. When the two touched their rings together Ryan shouted, “Shape of, a turd!”
Poochy barked, “Form of, a bikini!” Evidently, the two rings did not work because Poochy and Ryan of them were standing there looking like idiots.
“You should of said, form of, a bra you *****. Because that always works!” screamed Ryan angrily.
“How dare you confuse my gender!” cried Poochy angrily.
“Will you just battle me human, sushi? I just want the nachos for my leader, sushi!” growled Crapper.
“Sure,” said Ryan as he picked Poochy up by the belly.
“Go Poochy!” yelled Ryan as he flung Poochy. across the room. Poochy squealed in agony and pain as he sailed through the air and onto the second and third Aipom, knocking the two ninjas out.
“Not a Pokemon battle! A Humanmon battle!” shouted the Crapper. He was ******.
“Okay, you start.” Stammered Ryan. Obviously he didn’t know what a Humanmon battle was.
“Go Gary Stu!” shouted Crapper. He threw what looked like a white cube on the floor. Out of the cube popped a human wearing dirty, smelly, brown rag. The human had a silver mechanical device fused to his skin. He had brown hair that laid perfectly on his head. The hair was the perfect shade of brown. The boy wasn’t skinny nor was he muscular, heck, even his eyes were just the right color blue. No wonder his name was Gary Stu. Clichéd little brat.
‘Ummmmmm… go me!” shouted Ryan, furiously as he assumed a battle position.
“Gary use clichéd attack, sushi!” commanded the first Aipom, the device on the perfect boy glowed crimson red as if it was used to control his mind. He leaped into the air and hit Ryan perfectly on the head. Ryan bit the boy causing the clichéd character to jump back.
“Myself, use, ooh I feel a big one coming on, ummm, use mega giga FART!” screamed Ryan as he cut the cheese. A foul green gas erupted from Ryan’s rear end. The gas flew through the room, knocking out the old man and the Aipom.
“Clean up the bodies Ryan, after all, it’s your room.” said Lindsey as she walked out of the room. She did not want to touch those beaten up ninjas or the clichéd boy.
“Poochy, use roar to blow the bodies away.” Commanded Ryan.
“No.” replied Poochy.
“Fine, I’ll clean it.” said Ryan tiredly, as his pet walked out of the room.
“Sucker.” whispered Poochy.
------------------------------
That's the first chapter. It doesn't really have much to do with the plot but I'll get to it in a few chapters. (that doesn't nessarly mean three or four chapters.)
Some chapters might be PG but a bit might be PG-13.
The narrator is a he and actually talks a little bit to the character. So, yah, the forth wall does get smashed/broke/whatever..
-----------------------------
Chapter 1
Of Noobs and Jirachi
-----------------------------
“I know this a dream.” A boy named Ryan thought. He tried to place the thought in speech, but his mouth refused to work. Ryan was positive he was dreaming. That was the ultimate sign. Right after bricks became pancakes in his dream world. He knew that the world wasn’t made of bricks, random shapes, talking Dewgongs, a Flareon shouting the word penis at the top of it's lungs, and swirls of light spinning and stretching in an almost empty world.
Ryan had small arms. Although he had little strength in them, he made up for that lack of strength with incredible dexterity. Ryan also made up for his weak arms with his thick, almost muscular, legs. Despite his off balance limbs, the rest of Ryan’s body looked balanced. He had blonde hair that seemed rather plain and always managed to stick up in one certain place on his head. He had blue eyes that shimmered with happiness and curiosity. In his dream and reality, Ryan was wearing a green shirt with ‘Pokemon Battle School 2658-2659’ labeled on it in red, and he also sported khaki pants.
“Ryan, you will not only find the true meaning of life, but nachos under your pillow.” Bellowed a strong raspy voice that was coming from nowhere, yet everywhere, at the same time. “And tell your Poochyena this: U roxxor Poochy!”
Ryan’s face turned tomato red with anger. He was not going to get bossed around by some voice that talked like someone who spent all day typing in an internet chatroom!
It was at that moment the whole dream changed. The bricks turned into the evilest evil, pancakes! Pancakes were only eviler than Ryan’s sister, Lindsey! The Flareon kept shouting penis.
Lindsey had coconut brown hair, electric blue eyes, and pale skin that had little exposure to the sun. She was a mad girl who evil deeds ranged from gorging an innocent Skitty’s eyes out to blowing up Uranus (no one liked that planet anyway).
The raspy voice said one last thing to Ryan before he woke up, “Ryan why the hell did you leave Poochy outside? He has been barking out there since the middle of the night you *******!”
Ryan jumped to his feet as Lindsey slapped him awake.
“Ryan why the hell did you leave Poochy outside? He has been barking out there since the middle of the night you *******!” screamed Lindsey, angrily. “GO GET THE DOG YOU PUDGY *******!” Ryan grimaced in pain. No matter how hard he tried, his sister’s insults always hurt him.
“Fine! I’ll get the dog you *******!” yelled Ryan at the top of his lungs after he punched his sister.
“You made a big mistake!” yelled Faith, her voice bounced off the walls and into Ryan’s ears as she pulled out a metallic gun. “I’m going to blast you into 2007, which is six hundred, fifty-two years away!”
“Please! Just let me look at my comic collection one more time!” begged Ryan. Large tears rolled off his eyes and onto his plain green shirt.
“I’ll let you look at your crap, if, you get the Poochyena!” wailed Lindsey, pointing her gun at Ryan’s head. She might have well shot Ryan right then and there. Those comics were like his babies to him.
“Thanks!” responded Ryan sarcastically as he slinked out of his room. He trudged down the white, clean stairs. He opened the door to the backyard.
“POOOOCCCHHHYYY GEEETTT YYYYOOOUUURR *** IIINNN HHHEERRREEE OOOORRR II’LLLLL SSPPPPAAANNNKKKK YYYOOOUUU!!!” shouted Ryan at the top of his lungs. He scanned the backyard, searching for the Poochyena. The lush backyard was filled with trees except on the patio that Ryan was standing on. It led to a pool and connected to the door of his house. The backyard also had a large pool which Ryan and Poochy would swim in during the summer.
“Bark bark!” barked Poochy at the Pinecos in the trees. His aggressive racket did little to the pinecone of Pokemon.
“Puppy puppy, GIT IN HERE!” roared Ryan. Poochy eyed the Pinecos, waiting for one to drop so he could eat it. Hey, it was better than kibbles to him. So, Ryan jumped at the Pokemon and scooped him up all in one single motion.
Poochy looked like any Poochyena from 2659. He had a head with black and white all over it, He had floppy black ears, a long white fluffy tail, and the rest of him was white except for his back which was black.
“Here is your Poochy!’ yelled Ryan as he flung Poochy into Faith’s arms, he entered his room, and he screamed, ‘your fic doesn’t deserve two stars but my bananas will be avenged by a hologram projector ’!
“Now shoot me! I’m tired of 1337 noobs telling me to tell Poochy, ‘U roxxor’, I’m tired of Poochy’s run on sentences, and I’m tired of waiting for Jirachi to show up!” yelled Ryan. His words rang into Lindsey and Poochy’s eardrums.
“Mom said I shouldn’t be playing with real guns and she took them away. Don’t get mad…” Stammered Lindsey. This was the first time Lindsey trembled in fear in front of him. Ryan thought that Lindsey was scared of him. But everyone knows Lindsey was too colorful to fear Ryan.
“Do you even know what the word colorful means?” Lindsey asked me. (How dare she break the forth wall!)
Frankly, I don’t know what it means.
“Narrator, you should know better than to use words that you don’t know what they mean.” Ryan told me.
“Well,” started Ryan but before he could babble on about walnuts and my adjective trouble, ninja Aipoms crashed through the ceiling. Bits of ceiling dropped to the floor. Dust floated through the room.
“Ryan, you must give us the green or face me in a Humanmon battle, sushi!” cried the first of the three Aipoms.
If it weren’t for the fact that those monkeys had there dinky little tails with one hand on each of them, no one would’ve know they were Aipoms because they were covered from head to toe in Scotch tape.
“Our tails are about as dinky as we are addicted to banana’s, sushi!” yelled the first Aipom as he pointed to me, (how could he point to me if I wasn’t even in this story?) he trembling in anger. But I was going to prove him wrong.
A banana dropped from the hole in the roof. The third and second ninja Aipom eyed the banana. But, before they could leap for the banana, a blur of flesh and cloth grabbed the banana! It was Ryan, oh no, we’re doomed….
“Gimme the banana, grump.” screeched the second Aipom.
“Gimme the banana, bacon fritters!” screeched the third Aipom.
“Gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…” growled Ryan like an angry Mightyena. The hair on his back stood up, he squinted at the ninjas, his eyes in an angry glare. The Aipoms tackled him, all three of them were tumbling around the room growling, hissing, gnawing and ripping at each other. Ryan was barking and growling like a Mightyena. I think I have made my point.
“Gimme the green stuff little girl, sushi!” hissed the first Aipom his hand open as he stared at Lindsey. I think he forgot about me. “I was merely ignoring you Narrator, and call me Crapper, John Crapper.”
“Okay, he’s some money.” responded Lindsey; in her hand was a twenty dollar bill.
“I didn’t think someone like you would give away their money, sushi.” said Crapper.
“It’s my brother’s nimrod.’ said Lindsey.
The Aipom hit Lindsey on the hand. Causing her to drop the dollar bill. “I wanted the nachos, sushi!” hissed the Aipom.
“Ryan, Poochy, now!” shouted Lindsey, Ryan rolled away from the monkeys and reached his arm out to Poochy’s front arm. Both of them wore yellow ring on their pointer fingers that were not there five seconds ago. When the two touched their rings together Ryan shouted, “Shape of, a turd!”
Poochy barked, “Form of, a bikini!” Evidently, the two rings did not work because Poochy and Ryan of them were standing there looking like idiots.
“You should of said, form of, a bra you *****. Because that always works!” screamed Ryan angrily.
“How dare you confuse my gender!” cried Poochy angrily.
“Will you just battle me human, sushi? I just want the nachos for my leader, sushi!” growled Crapper.
“Sure,” said Ryan as he picked Poochy up by the belly.
“Go Poochy!” yelled Ryan as he flung Poochy. across the room. Poochy squealed in agony and pain as he sailed through the air and onto the second and third Aipom, knocking the two ninjas out.
“Not a Pokemon battle! A Humanmon battle!” shouted the Crapper. He was ******.
“Okay, you start.” Stammered Ryan. Obviously he didn’t know what a Humanmon battle was.
“Go Gary Stu!” shouted Crapper. He threw what looked like a white cube on the floor. Out of the cube popped a human wearing dirty, smelly, brown rag. The human had a silver mechanical device fused to his skin. He had brown hair that laid perfectly on his head. The hair was the perfect shade of brown. The boy wasn’t skinny nor was he muscular, heck, even his eyes were just the right color blue. No wonder his name was Gary Stu. Clichéd little brat.
‘Ummmmmm… go me!” shouted Ryan, furiously as he assumed a battle position.
“Gary use clichéd attack, sushi!” commanded the first Aipom, the device on the perfect boy glowed crimson red as if it was used to control his mind. He leaped into the air and hit Ryan perfectly on the head. Ryan bit the boy causing the clichéd character to jump back.
“Myself, use, ooh I feel a big one coming on, ummm, use mega giga FART!” screamed Ryan as he cut the cheese. A foul green gas erupted from Ryan’s rear end. The gas flew through the room, knocking out the old man and the Aipom.
“Clean up the bodies Ryan, after all, it’s your room.” said Lindsey as she walked out of the room. She did not want to touch those beaten up ninjas or the clichéd boy.
“Poochy, use roar to blow the bodies away.” Commanded Ryan.
“No.” replied Poochy.
“Fine, I’ll clean it.” said Ryan tiredly, as his pet walked out of the room.
“Sucker.” whispered Poochy.
------------------------------
That's the first chapter. It doesn't really have much to do with the plot but I'll get to it in a few chapters. (that doesn't nessarly mean three or four chapters.)