Isles of Twilight: Relapse

[Kitsune]

OK, I'm not gonna sit and chat, I'm just gonna get right to it, so, without further ado, Isles of Twilight revived.

Chapters
Prolouge: The PSS Moonshine
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Prolouge: The PSS Moonshine
“Attention all passengers, a severe storm has been spotted southeast of where we are headed. Please return to your quarters immediately, as we do not intend on a change of course.” The Captain's Attendant’s gentle but alert voice faded over the loudspeaker after the announcement, leaving all but a faint crackling sound from the intercom receivers and the crash of the waves to fill the air. This cruise, which was designated for teens although having other passengers aboard, was sailing around the Seas of Johto, docking and departing from Olivine. Certain trainers from Kanto, Hoenn, and Johto were invited onto the cruise for meeting certain criteria, such as winning Contests, Gym Battles, or even honors in school. This was a cruise designed for relaxation, and each trainer was permitted to bring three of their Pokemon along with them. One of the passengers was West, who was already in his room when the announcement sounded off.

“Shadow, launch a Metal Claw!” West commanded as his Sneasel as she jumped toward the punching bag that the room came equipped with. Shadow slashed at the bag about four times before jumping backwards and grinning happily. “Okay, that’s enough for now. We can practice later.”

“Sne-Sneasel!” Shadow replied to his command. The two walked over to the bed, unsure of what to do. I can’t leave the room, but I am pretty hungery… West stood up and walked over to the door, before turning and looking at Sneasel. “I’m going down to the Buffet to get something to snack on, against my better judgment, and I’ll be back soon.” He reached down and lifted his small, navy blue backpack off of the ground and reached into the bottom left pouch, pulling out two Pokeballs. “Oblivion, Crush, C’mon out!” He yelled as a red flash of light began to materialize into the form of a Heracross and, after reaching into his pocket and releasing it from his other Pokeball, Croconaw. “Shadow, Oblivion, Crush, play nice while I’m gone.” He said with a wink, opening the door. “Be back soon!” he hoisted the backpack over his shoulders and exited the room, closing the door on the way out.

Back in his room, the Pokemon were playing a sort of tag game, trying to tap each other with their paws while running around, when the storm finally began. The whole ship was rumbling, and thunder crashed outside. The Pokemon stopped their playing and sat down on the bed, looking around the room. It was nicely sized, and would more than fit two people and six Pokemon, minus the sleeping arrangements. It was, overall, a perfect living area. The Pokemon sat on the bed and wandered around the room, waiting anxiously for West to return.

In the lower, busier part of the PSS Moonshine, people rushed through the huge ballroom in every direction. In the center of the roof a magnificent chandelier hung and reflected light off of its glass; light going every which way. Two stairways led up to a platform near the roof, which was a stage for the entertainment, be it comedian, magician, or band. Loud Jazz music played as West looked around, searching for the hallway leading to the Buffet and Dining area. He passed the path to the pool, the botanical garden, the arcade, the contest training arena, and the battling arena until finally coming to the sign which read “Dining Area and Spa.” He began walking down then hallway, when Thunder suddenly bellowed and the boat rumbled. He heard the loud gasps of the other, at least, 400 people in the Ballroom. The boat once more rumbled; this time sounding like something had crashed into its side, and causing West to fall over. “Uhg, dammit!” he muttered as he stood back up. He took about three more steps forward when the power suddenly began to surge. The people in the Ballroom were now in panic, running for cover and shelter.

Just as he had turned around, a loud whirring was heard in the distance, and as the generator completely shut down, leaving the ship powerless, a blaring siren was activated from the Captain’s Quarters. West, looking for cover, ran forward to find the door to the spa to be stuck shut. “Argh, it’s electrical…,” he practically yelled. He turned around and rushed back through the Ballroom, toward his room. Just as he approached the room where the stairs to the Main Deck and ultimately his room were located, the ship gave a forceful third rumble and sent him flying forward, landing on top of his arm. I can’t keep being subjected to this… he thought as he again lifted himself back up and onto the staircase. He landed with a start and began running as soon as his feet hit the ground, a desire raging within him to get back to his room and save his Pokemon. He went around the side of the boat and down the open corridor toward his room. Just as he was about five cabins away, the boat rumbled one final time and tipped over, floating on its side and poised to flip. West was knocked off his feet and off of the boat, hitting his head on the railing on the way down, and the last thing he remember was hitting the water before he fell unconscious.
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Disclaimer, you know the deal. Anything you....Y'know, don't recognize is mine. Anything else belongs to GAMEFREAK, Nintendo, etc.

Special Note: Yami, if you read this, I want the worst crit you have. I've been waiting for advice and crit from you for a long time.​

 

[Chaos Sneasel]

Well, I dunno where I've seen this before. =P
It was pretty good, but there's room for improvement.
You didn't describe the Sneasel at all, you just cam out and said what Pokemon it is.
I still don't like the nickname Whisper. I see you've changed it to Shadow. *hugs name* I love it.
Like you said, it's pretty short. It could've been longer, but it may have been stretched. I know you'll make up for it with chapter 1.
As a prologue, however short, it did its job and introduced some important things that all prologues should.
I'll edit with more crit later.

~Chaos Sneasel ;215;​

 

[Kitsune]

I've already notified you of the shortness issue, and am planning to add more, rewriting it. I can't do this tonight, however, since I lack MS Word on my curent computer, along with all of my story info. I'll add description to the Sneasel, as you know I seem to have problems with that, nd I already changed Whisper's name.

-Kitsune

 

[Ryano Ra]

Hmmm.

Well, enough has been said already--things moved too quickly, the length was short, the paragraphs were a bit big and clustered together, and there's a lot of room for improvement. You mentioned that you changed the Sneasel's name to Shadow, but in one instance, you did refer to the Sneasel as 'Whisper', which clearly states that you might not have proofread this before you released it. Events were moving like an Electrode down a hill; I wasn't able to situate myself accordingly with what was going on because by the time I was able to understand it somewhat, you jumped to another subject or another character or another thing in general.

The details weren't just there overall--the Sneasel performed a Metal Claw, but what does it look like? Just because it looks one way on the television show doesn't mean it looks the same for every single Pokemon, individually. Add creativity and think of writing as though we have never seen a Sneasel perform a Metal Claw in our lives. More could have been added for a Prologue; some of the ideas were not clear or not expressed enough to make them seem important. But there's much room for improvement, which is a good thing; do not give up and craft your writing with each and every bit of help and/or advice. The more you learn, the larger the tree will grow. ^^

 

[Kitsune]

OK, Lemme try this again. I've already prewritten a few chapters, so how is Chapter 1? Crit, please.
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Chapter One: Metona Island; Shipwrecked
Everything was numb to him. Everything but the sand. The white-hot sand. The heat from the grated stone beneath him had jarred West from his slumber, as he shook his head groggily in an attempt to reorient himself. He had forgotten what had happened after losing consciousness, and feared opening his eyes because of what he might see. So he lay there, motionless, until sounds of spine tingling despair became audible, jogging his memory of the previous night's horror. He heard women screaming, children crying, and men trying to calm them all down.

West opened his eyes to see turmoil before him. Limp, lifeless bodies floated in the water, many of which had actually washed up on shore, and a good number of the passengers were suffering from minor injuries and fractures from the rough movements of the ship during the wreck. A relatively large group of about ten orange lifeboats floated dangerously free near the shore, answering West’s already formulated question of “How did they all survive?” and gave him time to ponder other issues, such as where he was and how he'd get home. Everything began to flash before his eyes between his departure of his room, and his later violent departure off of the boat. He stood up and started to walk down the beach, feeling a stinging pain in his left arm. Realizing it was probably still sore from the multiple times that he had fallen, he shrugged it off and trudged onward. He saw many trainers nursing their injured Pokemon, almost incoherently ignoring their own pain, and the boat, sitting, sideways, on the shoreline. It had seemed that the boat hadn’t taken much damage, until West saw the other side. Many iron supports jetted out the boat, along with multiple electrical wires thrashing about. This was all placed near a huge dent in the side of the boat, which didn’t look natural.

“Hey, hey! Excuse me,” he called out to a nearby girl, who looked roughly 15. “Can you explain what happened here?” he asked while gesturing at the dent. After lodging his question, West took the time to take a better look at his interviewee. The girl was very petite, like the clichéd book worm type, though this did not match her bubbly personality. She wore a basic pair of blue Capris, the left legging embroidered with small plastic gemstones, which sagged down over her shoes. The upper portion of the outfit consisted of a black hoodie, the hood resting motionlessly at the back of her neck, which was decorated simply with glittery flame along the front. She had relatively long Brunette hair and gentle blue eyes, and had a tote bag filled with books, make-up, and a, now broken after contact with the water, laptop. “Umm, well there is a rumor…” she began with a sweet, gentle voice. “That man, right over there…” she said, pointing “…He said that he saw........." She continued on with the story, but West didn't hear her, he was lost, staring blankly into her pretty face.

“And that's when he said he saw an enormous red Gyarados ramming the boat," she concluded.

West, obviously bewildered by her abrupt lapse in speaking managed to put together "Oh, wow…A Gyarados caused that dent…? That’s unbelievable.” from the sparse words he had heard during the final moments of her monologue.

“Yeah, it is isn’t it? Pokemon are loved so much by humans, but can be so destructive. Well, one thing’s for sure…We will get rescued.” she said, matter-of-factly.

“How can you be so sure about that, umm…?” West began to say, realizing that he didn’t yet know her name.

“It’s Sam. And I’m sure because I was talking with the captain before all of this happened. He explained the emergency procedures to me. In this situation he probably would’ve radioed the station at the dock, so I’m sure they have search parties out looking for use right now.”

“Umm, Sam… what if the storm threw us off course? I mean, look…” West inquired further, turning around. “The sky is still dark, and I can hear thunder rumbling in the distance. Wouldn’t the have lost track of us on radar after we lost power?” Sam glanced at him, her constant sweetness overpowering her desire to be angry with his lack of faith, and simply stated “Just have faith, we’ll be found.”

With that, she said her goodbye, spun around, and headed in the opposite direction and out of sight, but West couldn’t get what she had said out of his head. “Just have faith.”

Night was falling and there was still no sign of rescue. The survivors had finally settled down and built a fire, and all seemed relatively peaceful. West had spent the rest of his day exploring the island, which was dubbed Metona.

Unbeknownst to West, it was the main island, and the largest of four. A massive jungle covered the island, in which lived many variations of Pokemon, including Grass and Poison, along with some Normal, Dark, Flying, and even the occasional Psychic type., and was overgrown and generally tough to traverse. Various ruins spotted the island, ranging from large temple like buildings to small clay huts. A small river cut through the island's heart, leading to a cascading waterfall near the eastern portion of the island, which could be seen from atop a cliff on the eastern path. On the mile-long beach where the ship was grounded, there were two paths, each flanking the vessel the left to the west, the right to the east. The western path lead through mostly jungle, but came out at a beach facing another of the islands, Arua. The eastern path cut across the waterfall, which had a surprisingly sturdy and out of character bridge built across the cataracts. This path also ended at the sea, facing yet another island, Somac.

“I heard it was a Kyogre!” one man whispered.

“No, it isn’t possible. It was a giant Tentacruel!” the other shot back

How ignorant. They could at least get their facts straight. Then again, who’s to say the man the saw the Gyarados wasn’t just looking for attention…? West thought to himself. Wait…Gyarados, Kyogre…My Pokemon! Scolding himself inside for not remembering his beloved Pokemon sooner, he jumped up, but putting on a cool facade, asked the quarreling men, "Have either of you seen a Sneasel roaming around?"

“What?" the first man replied, bewildered by the sudden interrogation, "No, I haven’t…”

“Nope, me neither. Sorry, kid,” the second debater chimed in.

After the second reply, West headed off without so much as a “Thank you.” He walked calmly toward the end of the beach, asking almost every person he saw if they had seen any signs of a Heracross, Sneasel, or Croconaw. As he finally reached the end of the beach that went out to the ocean in one direction and into the jungle in the other, he ran into the Moonshine’s captain setting up a makeshift tent out of blankets gathered from the ship’s interior.

“Excuse me, Captain Williams?” West said as he approached, causing the captain to leave his current project and about face. "have you seen a Croconaw, Heracross, or Sneasel roaming around?”

“Ahh, why hello there. You’re looking for Pokemon you say? Well, I regret I haven't seen them around here.” West withheld his calm demeanor, but inside a feeling of numbness washed over him as he realized that not one person had seen his Pokemon anywhere.

“Would you by any chance know where I could look? They have to be on this island, right?”

“Hmm…Well, not exactly. We were adrift for about an hour before we even spotted land. They very well could’ve floated to one of the other islands around here. I do have one query for you, though; I don’t remember seeing you on the lifeboat…” He said suspiciously.

“An hour…Well Captain, I was knocked out and thrown overboard when the boat turned…I didn’t wake up until I was safe on the beach. Now I have a question for you; how do you know that there are multiple islands in the area?” The Captain stood, at first shocked, then replied

“You were knocked unconscious for over an hour, freely adrift in the sea? You’re lucky to be alive, boy. As for your question, I sent my daughter, Samantha, down the beach to search for shelter and provisions that were knocked out of the boat and washed ashore. She reported seeing two other islands, one to the east and one to the west, which have been named Arua and Somac.”

“Wait, Sam…" he repeated. The image of
the young girl's pretty face popped up in his mind, a visual reminder of the young girl he had spoken with before.

"I talked to her earlier. She’s your daughter? No wonder she was so sure that we’d be rescued.” The Captain smiled, and let out some sort of chuckle as West said this, a look of uncertainty on his face.

“Look son, I wa-”
"It's West," he interrupted. He hated when people called him by something other than his name.

"Okay, West… " the captain continued, "I sent my daughter around the island, but was hoping she wouldn’t spread the word. We were knocked severely off-course by that storm, an unexpected turn of events. When we lost power, the station lost all trace of our location. They aren’t going to find us. I lied to her, y’know, gave her some false hope. She needed it…”

At this confession, West involuntarily burned up inside, wondering how a father could do that to his child. Especially someone as sweet and innocent as Sam...

I told her the exact same thing, she should've known...he thought to himself, getting over the lost hope.

“If you want…” the captain continued “…I can have her accompany you down the western beach to help find you Pokemon. I’ll have to warn you though, the path west is, in the majority, jungle. Are you sure you don’t want to wait until morni-”

"Yes, I’m sure," West interjected. "I’ll go tonight, just as soon as I find Sam.” The captain shook his head in disapproval, but pressed the matter no further. They said their goodbyes and West headed down the beach, finding Sam soon thereafter.

“Oh, hey West!" she called cheerily, "You ready to go?” He glanced at her, a bit awkwardly, before asking

“How do you know my name, again? And how did you know what I wanted? I don’t recall telling you…”

“Ha, oh that! My dad sent his Wingull to find me, and it was carrying a note with all the details. Funny how that works, isn’t it?” she replied with a chuckle.

”Umm, yeah…So, are you ready? I want my Pokemon back with me as soon as possible,” West said, trying to speed up the searching process.

“Look, what make you think they have to be on another island? What if they’re right here, on Metona? I mean sure, they could be there, my dad even took a head count. At least a quarter of the passengers are missing. Some dead, some gone. Are you sure you want to go right now? It’s the dead of night on an island of which we only have a rough, handmade map of.” At this she pulled out the map, showing it to West, and waited for a reply.

“Look, I’m going tonight whether you are or not. Are you in?” he demanded.

“Fine West, I’m in. But first, take this.” She held out her hand as she spoke, in it a Pokeball. “It’s Kit, my Ninetails. You need protection, I suppose.” West thanked her properly and they headed off in a westward direction, down the beach.

As they traversed the shoreline they saw many Pokemon, such as Krabby, Octillery, and even the
occasional Slowbro. A few minutes into the trek, West heaved his backpack off of his shoulders and around his side, reaching into its contents.

“OK, we need to make use of what provisions we have. I’ve got…,” he began to say while fishing around inside the bag, “About 15 Pokeballs, your map of the island, a penlight, and a cell phone. Oh, and my stereo is down in there. Did you bring anything with you?” Sam stopped moving and turned around, reaching into her pocket.

“Umm…Well, I have a pack of gum….,” she replied jokingly.

“Wow, that’s really gonna help us. Anyways, toss me a piece.” She did so, and they continued onward. The moon was full that night, and glowed an eerie yellow when shining through the clouds. It’s light illuminated the ground and gave the sea a mysterious luminescence, giving more than enough light to see. “Well, here we are West. The path from here is all jungle until we hit the beach.” Sam reached down to her belt and pulled off a Pokeball, sending a crimson flash onto the cold sand. The light began to form into a small Pokemon. It stood about 2 feet above the ground, and was lizard-like in stature. The reptile had a fiery orange body with a cream colored underbelly, and wielded sharp claws and a tail with a flame at the tip, burning furiously. Before him stood a freshly uncaged Charmander.
“Hey, Al!" Sam greeted her Pokemon, receiving a shrill "Char!" in response.

"Okay, I need you to light the way for us. Can you do that?” The little Salamander nodded in approval, holding his tail out in front of him as they walked into the night-time jungle, shrouded in the crimson light of Al's tail flame.

-Kitsune​

 

[Chaos Sneasel]

The length was better this time, but it was still a bit short.
You've gotta work on taking time to slow down and talk about what's going on more.
Don't introduce something and describe it in the same sentence, then move on to something else.
The description of Charmander was a big upgrade, you took time to tell what it looked like before just moving it on and having other things happen.
The paragraphs look too spaced out this time, but I guess they'd look to crowded together if you didn't do it like that.
I like the interactions between West and Sam, but I don't like her description.
Also, NEVER, EVER give out a height when using a descritpion.
It doesn't make logical sense- who could, in real life, see someone, and automatically make out their correct height?
This was better, but you've still got stuff to work on.
If you do, this can become a really good story.

~Chaos Sneasel ;215;​

 

[Kitsune]

Length - I'll atTempt to work on it next chapter. Hopefully we'll get good results, no?

Height - OK, good point, I see what you're saying. I'll get all of these edits in once I'm back on my main system and have everything.

Sam - I'm already planning on changing her description, because I realized that there is a continuity error later. I've stopped seeing her as the "Bookworm" type since the original writing, so I'll revamp all that.

EDIT: The dreaded "Description Paragraph" has been editted and reinserted. I've also editted Sam's description.

 

[Kitsune]

Chapter Two: The Search Begins; Midnight Maze
It had been roughly fifteen minutes since they had crossed the threshold into the tangled labyrinth of vines and foliage of Metona’s jungle, in which the only clear path was that which was in the radius of Al’s smoldering tail.

“Umm, West…,” Sam began, “Could I ask you a question, y’know, for my reassurance?” West glanced over at her, almost insulted that she had broken the stillness of the jungle on this windless night. The humidity suddenly cascaded around him, bringing him back to the query at hand.

“Yeah Sam, go ahead. We have nothing better to do than chat, I suppose.” he retorted as he yet again turned to see her face, still facing forward. It was almost a delayed response, the only noise being the coconut palms which did a torpid little dance in the brief puffs of hot breeze.

“Okay, well…If we were to be attacked out here, by a Pokemon or something, you’d protect me, right?” She had somewhat of a stutter as she spoke, sounding to be either plagued with paranoia or extremely afraid.

“Well, of course I would. You think I’d kick back and laugh while you were getting mauled by a Mightyena?” He responded, almost meaning for it to be a joke, but realized that he had crossed that thin line when not even a smile crept onto her petite face.

“West, I’ve been terrified of this whole situation ever since we arrived in this…this Purgatory. My dad didn’t send his Wingull after me, I was right behind his tent at the edge of the jungle. I had come back to pick some fruit for my Pokemon, and I overheard you guys talking. I rushed down the beach and waited in a noticeable spot until you arrived. He lied to me…” It appeared that she was analyzing the details in her head during that diminutive pause, and she had finally figured out how to word it just right.

“So, you heard us. Well, look. I promise that I’ll do all that I possibly can to keep you safe. Me and Kit here,” he pledged to her, hefting the Ninetails’ Pokeball in his right hand, which caused him to remember the injury to his left arm. He stood and gazed at Sam, noticing that they had both brought their walk to a halt. The more that he began to reflect on the situation, the more his blistering scorn for the captain began to arise. They were trapped on an island with no expectation of rescue, and he told his daughter, his own blood, that everything would be okay. It sickened West to the bone.

“Well, thank you. I obviously can’t trust my dad at the time, so you’re the only one that I can turn to. Thank you so much...,” she finished, walking over and gazing into West’s eyes. She proceeded to extend her arms and wrap them around his abdomen, much to his astonishment, and he began to feel her warm embrace. He had barely registered the event in his mind when she had broken her grasp, and he was a bit dazed. The night was still young and they hadn’t even traversed a quarter of the jungle, which caused them to press onward, ignoring the connection that had just been formed.

One hour. One long, endless hour of wandering through these networks of greenery. Path after path blocked from downed trees and exotic plants, West and Sam had to change their route, on average, every ten minutes minimum.

“Umm, West? I think we have a problem…You know how I went through this jungle to map out the path? Well, I don’t remember going through this area.” Sam began to speak, unhurriedly. The fear that had been masked in her voice earlier had yet again reinstated itself, although seemed a bit more tranquil this time around. Actually, almost everything that she had done seemed serene ever since West undertook the task of defending her at all costs.

“So, you’re telling me we’re lost in a forest of which we haven’t the slightest idea where to go, in the dead of night, on a deserted island?” West inquired, meaning for it to be a rhetorical question. Sam obviously didn’t understand this, since she took it upon herself to reply.

“Yeah, that would about sum it up…You forgot to mention the fact that we have no way of contacting anyone back at the beach” she added, not realizing West’s obvious irritation.

“Oh, really? Brilliant” he sarcastically remarked, wishing that he had never gotten onto the ship in the first place. He wanted to be home with his friends, sister, and most importantly his Pokemon.

They continued to stride along, attempting to seek out the beach which would lead them to Arua Island. The had been, since the first half-hour of the trip, been following a stream which would hopefully lead them to the ocean. Their hope was cut short when they came to the cliff at which the minute stream halted, careening down into a lake beneath them. This lake, however, wasn’t fueled by this stream alone. A colossal, magnificent waterfall snaked it’s way down the cliff opposite them, falling down and past an extensive wooden bridge, into the cataracts beneath it.

“Wow, I can’t believe we didn’t hear the falls…I guess I was a bit zoned out.” Sam confessed, waiting for a reply from West which really wasn’t even needed.

“I heard them. I figured it was the ocean in the distance; the waves crashing into the shore. Looks like I was wide of the mark. Well, you want to rest here? We’ve got some moonlight shining through the trees, so we should be able to take a little break.” West queried, still wanting to find his Pokemon, but exceedingly fatigued.

“Well, yeah, I guess we could give Al and ourselves a rest. But maybe we could go down to the lake…Y’know, get some refreshments.”

“The lake?,” West shot back, “How do you expect to get down to the lake? That’s a huge drop. But hey, if you wanna jump down, don’t let me rain on your parade. Have fun!”

“No West, I thought I told you. My dad gave me his Pokemon before we left…Well, it was actually right when we arrived here. He wanted me to protect them, but you get the point. Here, look!” Sam reached down to her belt and clicked a tiny release button, sending a Luxury Ball down into her palm. She held it out, straightening he arm, and aimed it’s front section toward the sky. Her middle finger stretched out and pressed against the small, metallic switch on the front of the ball, sending a scarlet burst of energy into the sky above, which began to materialize into the shape of a large hawk-like Pokemon which, when fully formed, was realized by West to be a Pidgeot. The grandiose bird Pokemon soared up majestically into the sky, appearing to be about five foot in West’s eyes, and finally came to a halt, using gravity to slam itself back down to the earth, flipping upright and fluttering it’s wings to hover down onto the ground. It had a cream colored underbelly, the feathers beneath the wings of the same coloration, and an auburn color on it’s back and upper wings, complimenting it’s crimson tail feathers and blonde feathers which attached to the crown of it’s head.

“Hey, Soren! You’re spending the day with me today, okay?” Sam asked the bird’s approval, greeting it with a gentle pat on the head, which got her a sharp trill in return.

“So…You expect me to let that oversized bird fly me down a 200 foot cliff which has a lake at the bottom that is God-knows how deep?” West irritably inquired, ready to move on.

“Yes…Yes I do. Don’t worry, my dad’s the captain of a ship.” She replied back, never seeming to get irritated at anything.

“Yes, I know you’re dad’s the captain. Do you mind telling me what that has to do with me plummeting to my death from atop a 200 foot cliff? I don’t think you’re dad is down there waiting to catch me.” He again shot back, still aggravated and getting more and more irritated by the second.

“Look, all of his Pokemon have to be trained as a rescuing team. They need to be able to know what to do in emergency situations, just like my dad. Soren here has saved many a people from falling to their death. My dad is a police officer when he’s not sailing the seas, so he knows what he’s doing. As do his Pokemon. So will you please just let Soren fly you down? I’d really like to…Well, to be honest, I’d like to take a dip in the water…Please”

“Look, if it’ll make you happy, I’ll go. But as soon as possible, we’ll be back up here and on the trail.” West proceeded to walk over to the Pidgeot, which caused it to automatically squat down to the ground. As West was on it’s right side, he raised his left leg up and flipped it over the Pokemon, securing himself onto it’s back. As soon as he got a good grip, it began to beat the air with it’s wings, lifting itself and West off of the ground.

“Now Soren, you fly West down that cliff there, and you come right back up to get me. I’ll be here, waiting.” Sam commanded, motioning toward the cliff. The bird shot up into the sky to a point where it could just see over the cliff, and shot downward over the ledge. West could feel the stagnant, humid air brushing against his face as the flew through the air, and before he knew it the bird had landed. He hopped off, and just as quickly as they had arrived the bird was back into the air, darting toward the cliff. West took advantage of the moment he had alone to look around, the whole area and more illuminated by moonlight. It was extremely bright, bright enough to where West could see every detail of the lake, more like a pond, without even squinting his eyes. This scene was interrupted, however, when he heard Sam shriek in terror. His head crooked toward the sky, seeing Sam plummeting toward the earth, Soren close behind her. He suddenly heard her yell again, this time something along the lines of “Flight Initiation Three,” which confused him even more. The bird thrust itself ahead of Sam, turning it’s body so that Sam could land right on it’s back, and continuing it’s descent to earth.

“So West,” Sam yelled down before hitting the ground, “Was that proof enough?” West was dumbfounded, realizing that the whole thing was a set up.

“You staged that just to prove to me that the stupid bird could save you! You could’ve hurt yourself!” he announced, rather loud, while realizing what had just happened. He had realized that his oath to protect Sam had taken over. For his whole life, he had always had an attitude in which once he commits to something, he has to see it through. “For all I care, you could throw the stupid bird into the frier and serve it at KFC!”

“West, chill out. We’re here, and I just wanted to show what Soren was capable of. Now, whaddaya say we make a fire?”

“It’s okay Sam, the moon gives us more than enough light.” They walked over to the pond and looked at the water, reflecting the moonlight off at every angle which hit the rocks of the cliff surrounding it and gave them an eerie aquatic look. In front of them a beautiful pond surrounded by exotic plants and flowers native to the area, behind them more treacherous jungle. Sam let out some muffled command and released her other Pokemon, a Lapras which bore a magnificent aquamarine skin and pearl shell, and let it swim free in the pond. West released Kit, which made him long for his Pokemon, and watched as the group enjoyed their time together.

“Hey West, you up for a swim? I felt the water, it’s nice and warm!” Sam pondered, looking excited.

“Yeah, why not? Might as well take some time to relax. We gotta have some fun on this island, right?” At this West walked over to the edge of the pond, petting Kit on the way, and took off his shirt. He first bent and felt the water, then removing his shoes and socks, letting his feet soak in the water. “Wow, this is warm, Sam!”

“Yeah, I know. This can be our little hiding place. Y’know, a place to come and relax!” Sam was still standing back, near Al, and removing her hoodie and shirt. She finished and bent down, unbuckling her capris and removing them, sitting her belt and empty Pokeballs in a pile on the ground. She wore a silk bra and panties, not seeming to be a bit embarrassed of her body. She ran and jumped into the pond, wading in the water near the shore.

“Ahh, C’mon! Don’t be so boring, hop in!” Sam commanded, extending her arms and splashing the balmy water toward West, splashing him in the face and chest.

“Oh, funny Sam! I’ll just come in there and drown you until I see the bubbles stop coming up! Howd’ya like that?” West jokingly asked, standing up and unzipped his pants. He, in his navy blue boxer shorts, walked backwards before propelling himself forward, flying into the water and splashing what of Sam that was left above the water.
“Oh, funny West! I’ll just come ever there and drown you until I see the bubbles stop coming up!” she giggled, mimicking West. They floated around the water, which was surprisingly clean, and played for at least and hour; relaxing, chasing each other, everything.

“Hey Sam, look at that!” West yelled out while wading through the water and over to the cliff nearest the waterfall which cascaded down into the pond. He stood up and climbed up a little stairway-like structure carved into the cliff, standing up on a ledge about halfway up the waterfall.

“I’m coming down Sam, move out!” he yelled down with a start as he lunged his feet into the air and began his descent down to the water. He landed with a huge splash in the center of the pond, the deepest area, hitting Sam with the tepid water in the process. When he was beneath the surface, he opened his eyes to see multiple Pokemon swimming and bobbing around, looking for cover after the foreign object, which in this case was West, had entered their home. He saw a few Lanturn and Chinchou around the bed of the pond, illuminating its depths with their light, a school of Remoraid swimming away from him at top speed, and many other aquatic Pokemon, such Goldeen and Magikarp, floating freely at a medium depth. He began to lose air and swam upwards, seeing Sam to be up on the ledge as well.

“You ready!?” she shouted down, excited. She ran forward and lifted off of the ground, doing a forward flip in the air before diving into the pond’s center. She swam back up to the surface with a splash, and the fun ended. They hopped out of the water and eventually decided to have Al make them a fire so that they could dry themselves off. They both slid their clothes back on and had Lapras spray a Water Gun attack onto the fire, the spiraling water cascading out of her mouth with enough force to not only put out the fire, but shoot a good amount of the leftover firewood and ash backwards and into the jungle. Sam hopped onto Pidgeot and took off into the sky, flying toward the top of the cliff, leaving West to wait by the pond and reflect on the first time that he had enjoyed himself since arriving on Metona.

-Kitsune​

 

[Chaos Sneasel]

A definite improvement from the prologue and Chapter 1.
It seems things are going along nicelyt with Sam and West, maybe something to watch develop there........?
Anyways, this one was pretty good on length, and you took more time out to describe things, like the water and its temperature.
The jungle could've used a bit more description.
Mention colors of flowers, thorns, snarled vines, what was on the ground, that the wall of folaige was so thick you couldn't see past the plants.
Stuff like that that just enhances the setting and paints a clearer picture.
And the entire swimming scene..............o__0.
All in all, this is progressing and getting better, but there's still stuff you need to work on to make it great.

~Chaos Sneasel ;215;​

 

[Kitsune]

Thanks, I'll try to be more descriptive about the setting and paint a better mental image.

Of course, we have over 100 views, and no one feels to need to give me criticism and actually post. I really hate it when people do that. And they ALWAYS do.