A/N: Bah, you all saw it coming! I haven’t spent as much time on this as I have on Is this Really Pokemon Colosseum? But the ideas I have for this just won’t let me sleep at night D:
It’ll have the usual dose of Monty Python jokes to come but I aren’t using such gold in the first chapter, sound stupid? Well I’m a stupid person
Not to mention a new show on Channel Four got me wanting to write this even more; The IT crowd ^^; It has the best opening titles ever!
Anyhoo, onwards!
Author: Yoru Ryu AKA Rainy Day.
Rating: PG-13 for occasional language and innuendoes.
Summery: The most recent Pokemon hero saves the world, and gets too much credit for doing it.
Disclaimer: If I did own Pokemon I wouldn’t be living in a semidetached house right about now…
Act 1
Scene: A spoonful of sugar helps the parody go down.
AUDIENCE: Let’s get settled down for another creepy parody that never sticks to the actual cannon plot.
It’s a dark, dank stormy night and a boat is sailing across the sea, presumably from either Kanto, Johto or Hoenn considering the fact that it’s carrying hundreds of Pokemon, but who really cares about that?
CAPTAIN: (Humming) In the Navy, in the Navy… you can sail the seven seas…
SKINNY SAILOR: Hey, Cap’n! I think we’ve shown off the new and slightly improved graphics for long enough now.
CAPTAIN: Nintendo, Game Freak, Genius Sonority; it’s all good.
SKINNY SALIOR: Yes, quite. And besides, I see an ominous shadow heading this way… if you’re bothered at all.
They see “Dark” Lugia coming.
CAPTAIN: (Snorts) They call that intimidating? Quite frankly I’ve seen a box of kittens more frightening.
SKINNY SAILOR: A box of… kittens?
CAPTAIN: (Shivers) But you didn’t see them! They had red eyes and fangs!
SKINNY SAILOR: Red eyes? They were probably some sort of albino, and cats usually do tend to have fangs, er, sir.
CAPTAIN: Oh yeah! Well, if cats aren’t evil then why do they cut out their eyes and stick them in the middle of the road?!
SKINNY SAILOR: Are you seriously talking about Cat’s Eyes?
CAPTAIN: Or do they just stick a basket of kittens in the middle of the road?
SKINNY SAILOR: I can’t believe you! We’re just about to get ourselves seriously mangled by a deranged Shadow Pokemon and your talking about kittens?!
The “Dark” Lugia hovers over head and use some… psychic… energy? Well, it uses a blast of whatever to lift and carry the ship while knocking the two sailors off the portside. See, I do know my ship jargon ****, nya!
SKINNY SAILOR: Oh, well never mind the other crewmembers will you!
CAPTAIN: Oh, god. Now I’m never going to get that raise.
Suddenly the scene changes to a room full of high-tech gadgetry. A short boy stands on a platform of a Battle Simulator in the corner… he doesn’t know we’ve just called him short, shhhh.
MICHAEL: (Wearing computer visor) Yeah, oh yeah! (Punches the air) Take that you lousy Metagross! No, didn’t like that did ya?! Huh?! No you didn’t! I’m totally kicking your arse today, oh yeah I am! Whoo!
The people in the room stare at him, and I mean really stare.
SIMULATOR BOY: (Walks over) Um, Michael?
MICHAEL: (Acting like he riding a motorbike) What do you want?!
SIMULATOR BOY: I was just wondering if you’d like me to connect up the simulator for you.
MICHAEL: …
The people in the room break down is hysterics.
MICHAEL: I hate you all! (Runs off)
Just outside a room an old man stops Michael to talk about Orre… and one of the only references to Wes and Rui in the whole damn game. It makes my heart bleed.
MAN: You’re just like your father, you know?
MICHAEL: (Examines his nails) Oh, really?
MAN: Yes, but of course he knew when a Battle Simulator was actually on.
MICHAEL: (Chokes) Ugh.
MAN: He was the trainer who gave you that Eevee.
MICHAEL: Tell me about it. (Sighs) You have no idea what it’s like to get hounded by people sick of Eevee.
You can say that again.
MICHAEL: Why couldn’t he give me a Magby or something? Or an Oddish.
MAN: Um, because they aren’t big favourites?
I want a Ponyta, damnit! What’s better than a beautiful Rapidash… other than a Dragonair? I have tastes alright!
MAN: I remember the day he came to this Lab after the “Shadow Incident” five years ago. And even though those two people saved the entire world we don’t even know their names.
MICHAEL: Wes and Rui.
MAN: Er, yeah, right.
MICHAEL: (Strikes a pose) I may not be as cool looking as Wes -
WES’ VOICE: Got that right!
MICHAEL: - but damn, I’m cute! (Grins) And my face is less twisted to boot.
MAN: I think all of our faces in GOD are less twisted than Colosseum…
I point that out entirly too much.
MICHAEL: Yeah, see ya then!
I don’t like this Professor Krane; he’s too shifty looking and he’s always smiling, it really freaks me out when people smile all the time. Anyway, Michael enters the room where Krane and Lily are.
KRANE: (Points across the room) Look at the rack on her!
MICHAEL: Dad!
KRANE: (Starts) I’m not your dad! That’s the story and I’m sticking to it (Nods)
MICHAEL: Still, don’t talk about mum like that.
KRANE: (Shakes head) But damn, it’s true. I mean either she has an enormous chest, or a freakishly thin waist.
MICHAEL: (Sniffs) I’d prefer not to have the mental images, if it’s all the same to you.
LILY: You know, even if I am across the room, I can still hear you.
*Slaps Krane for being a pig*
LILY: Be a dear and get Jovi, Michael. As nice as it is to be around people talking in the correct tense, I am supposed to be a mother… and you know, motherly concern, or something like that.
MICHAEL: God, I have to do everything around here!
KRANE: I suggest talking to Adon. He saw her last.
So Michael finds Adon hiding under… a table, of all places. Not in a broom closet like most hiding places; that'd be too easy for a gay joke; but a table.
MICHAEL: (Bends down) Yo, Adon?
ADON: Hisss, go away!
MICHAEL: Why?
ADON: I’m hiding, alright?
MICHAEL: Under a… table?
ADON: Yes! I may have lost the feeling in all my extremities, but I’ve finally found a dynamite hiding place even Jovi can’t find me.
MICHAEL: Under… a table?
ADON: (Groans) I’m sorry, are you from the past?
MICHAEL: You do know Jovi buggered off ages ago, right?
ADON: … what? You mean I’ve basically disabled myself for nothing?!
Michael straightens himself quickly.
MICHAEL: Uh, I guess so.
ADON: Oh, well isn’t that just peachy?!
MICHAEL: And fortunately for you I’m a nice guy so I’ll help you up -
ADON: Oh, thanks, mate!
MICHAEL: - later. (Scowls) At least have the decency to let people finish their sentences, dude.
ADON: You make me cry, you know that?
MICHAEL: Yup! I do try (Smirks) Ta-taa then.
Hmmm, how to get rid of Adon… wait, I’ve got it! A trap door opens up underneath Adon.
ADON: AAAAHHHHhhhhh…!
MICHAEL: (Snaps fingers) That was good. You have no idea how crowded this place gets in winter. Seriously. I had to sleep in the same bed as mum last time we had a conference (Shudders) I bet that really was Krane who sneaked in that night…
A voice from below interrupts Michael’s thoughts, much to his annoyance.
ADON’S VOICE: Uh, uh, h-help… me…
MICHAEL: (Squats near the door) Are you not dead yet?
ADON’S VOICE: No-no I don’t think so… but I am hurt pretty badly… I don’t think m-my leg should bend this way.
MICHAEL: …
ADON‘S VOICE: Michael? Are, are you still there?
MICHAEL: …
ADON‘S VOICE: Anyone, help? Anyone there? Help! I’ve fallen down a hole and I can’t get back up!
MICHAEL: …
ADON: I don’t think I’m too hurt; I’ll try to stand…
Shuffling noises are heard, followed by a loud crack.
ADON‘S VOICE: Ugh! No, no, that didn’t work. Now I’ve b-broken my other leg…
MICHAEL: …
ADON‘S VOICE: Please! Is anyone up there?!
MICHAEL: …
The noise of a door opening in the basement can be heard, and a pair of glowing yellow eyes enter the dark room.
ADON: Oh thank god. Help me! I’ve broken both my legs and I seem to be loosing rather a large amount of blood.
???: (Heavy breaths)
ADON‘S VOICE: Uh, no that’s fine actually. Why don’t you just wait over there?
MICHAEL: … weirdo.
Michael zooms off on his, scooter, moped thing.
AUDIENCE: (Gigglesnort) That’s the best thing we’ve seen all day!
MICHAEL: Leave me alone, I’m underage! I can’t take my full driving test yet! And really, Wes must’ve been compensating for something with that Speeder.
Towards the seriously deranged Professor’s house. How he found out Jovi is there is beyond me. Michael walks up behind Chobin who’s stood against the wall of the building, evidently looking for trespassers.
CHOBIN: (Looking through a magnifying glass) Fi fie fo fum… Chobin smells the fingerprints of scum!
MICHAEL: What’cha doin‘?
CHOBIN: Gah, hell! Don’t scare Chobin like that!
MICHAEL: … I see. You’ve been in close contact with my sister.
CHOBIN: Chobin was fine before this blue haired girl started visiting.
MICHAEL: (Shakes head) The third person tense is her calling card; it’s infectious.
And how she got across the desert on her own is also beyond me, and most people I believe.
CHOBIN: Help Chobin!
MICHAEL: I’m sorry, mate. There’s no cure.
CHOBIN: But if you are her big brother, how did you avoid the illness?
MICHAEL: (Throws arm up) Oh, that’s easy! I just ignore her!
Anyone else noticed “Chobin” sounds suspiciously like “Hobbit” and with him looking like the way he does? Coincidence, I think not! Maybe it's just my accent then.
CHOBIN: Simpleton…
MICHAEL: What was that?!
CHOBIN: Uh, nothing? Anyway, let’s go inside so you can corner the rat… I-meant-rat! I-mean-rat… imeanrat. Damnit, brat! Arg! Just come in will you?!
Inside Professor Kaminko’s laboratory. Scared yet? Well, you should be~!
CHOBIN: Let Chobin show you some of the great professor’s works!
MICHAEL: (Folds arms) I don’t see the harm.
Famous last words…
CHOBIN: “Useless Kaminko invention # 18: The Lottery! Simply choose eight numbers and our machine will pick out any number from one to forty-nine at random! Truly a wonderful invention!”
MICHAEL: Hah, right…
CHOBIN: “Useless Kaminko invention # 003: The Universal Language Translator! Translates from English to American and back again at the touch of a button. A marvellous invention!”
MICHAEL: What’s the point of that?!
CHOBIN: Useless Kaminko invention # 32: The Reversal Deodorant Spray. All there is to it is-”
MICHAEL: Alright! That’s enough! I’ve heard enough! I’ve gotta go collect Jovi and be helpful to the plot. (Turns to leave, then turns back to Chobin) Though I do think you’ve been using the reversal spray…
CHOBIN: Of course Chobin uses it! It is the greatest of the Great Kaminko’s inventions!
MICHAEL: (Pinches nose) Well, maybe you should stop.
And because the professor has such a freakishly small house on the inside to what it looks like from outside, Michael moves across to the second room on the left… yes, next to the kitchen.
CHOBIN: Chobin no likey Mic-y. Chobin will have his revenge for insulting the Great Professor. Oh yes, Chobin will. It may not be today, or tomorrow… but Chobin shall see justice is served!
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
A/N: Gah, I dunno what I’m doing XD It so pales in comparison to Is This Really Pokemon Colosseum? Gonna get loads of references from it though ^.^ ITRPC? is my baby fic though, and it deserves the most attention X3
Can you tell who the person in the lab's basement is? They're in it quite a bit to come.
It’ll have the usual dose of Monty Python jokes to come but I aren’t using such gold in the first chapter, sound stupid? Well I’m a stupid person
Not to mention a new show on Channel Four got me wanting to write this even more; The IT crowd ^^; It has the best opening titles ever!Anyhoo, onwards!
Author: Yoru Ryu AKA Rainy Day.
Rating: PG-13 for occasional language and innuendoes.
Summery: The most recent Pokemon hero saves the world, and gets too much credit for doing it.
Disclaimer: If I did own Pokemon I wouldn’t be living in a semidetached house right about now…
It really is Gale of Darkness.
Is our hero a Wes?
Is our hero a Wes?
Act 1
Scene: A spoonful of sugar helps the parody go down.
AUDIENCE: Let’s get settled down for another creepy parody that never sticks to the actual cannon plot.
It’s a dark, dank stormy night and a boat is sailing across the sea, presumably from either Kanto, Johto or Hoenn considering the fact that it’s carrying hundreds of Pokemon, but who really cares about that?
CAPTAIN: (Humming) In the Navy, in the Navy… you can sail the seven seas…
SKINNY SAILOR: Hey, Cap’n! I think we’ve shown off the new and slightly improved graphics for long enough now.
CAPTAIN: Nintendo, Game Freak, Genius Sonority; it’s all good.
SKINNY SALIOR: Yes, quite. And besides, I see an ominous shadow heading this way… if you’re bothered at all.
They see “Dark” Lugia coming.
CAPTAIN: (Snorts) They call that intimidating? Quite frankly I’ve seen a box of kittens more frightening.
SKINNY SAILOR: A box of… kittens?
CAPTAIN: (Shivers) But you didn’t see them! They had red eyes and fangs!
SKINNY SAILOR: Red eyes? They were probably some sort of albino, and cats usually do tend to have fangs, er, sir.
CAPTAIN: Oh yeah! Well, if cats aren’t evil then why do they cut out their eyes and stick them in the middle of the road?!
SKINNY SAILOR: Are you seriously talking about Cat’s Eyes?
CAPTAIN: Or do they just stick a basket of kittens in the middle of the road?
SKINNY SAILOR: I can’t believe you! We’re just about to get ourselves seriously mangled by a deranged Shadow Pokemon and your talking about kittens?!
The “Dark” Lugia hovers over head and use some… psychic… energy? Well, it uses a blast of whatever to lift and carry the ship while knocking the two sailors off the portside. See, I do know my ship jargon ****, nya!
SKINNY SAILOR: Oh, well never mind the other crewmembers will you!
CAPTAIN: Oh, god. Now I’m never going to get that raise.
Suddenly the scene changes to a room full of high-tech gadgetry. A short boy stands on a platform of a Battle Simulator in the corner… he doesn’t know we’ve just called him short, shhhh.
MICHAEL: (Wearing computer visor) Yeah, oh yeah! (Punches the air) Take that you lousy Metagross! No, didn’t like that did ya?! Huh?! No you didn’t! I’m totally kicking your arse today, oh yeah I am! Whoo!
The people in the room stare at him, and I mean really stare.
SIMULATOR BOY: (Walks over) Um, Michael?
MICHAEL: (Acting like he riding a motorbike) What do you want?!
SIMULATOR BOY: I was just wondering if you’d like me to connect up the simulator for you.
MICHAEL: …
The people in the room break down is hysterics.
MICHAEL: I hate you all! (Runs off)
Just outside a room an old man stops Michael to talk about Orre… and one of the only references to Wes and Rui in the whole damn game. It makes my heart bleed.
MAN: You’re just like your father, you know?
MICHAEL: (Examines his nails) Oh, really?
MAN: Yes, but of course he knew when a Battle Simulator was actually on.
MICHAEL: (Chokes) Ugh.
MAN: He was the trainer who gave you that Eevee.
MICHAEL: Tell me about it. (Sighs) You have no idea what it’s like to get hounded by people sick of Eevee.
You can say that again.
MICHAEL: Why couldn’t he give me a Magby or something? Or an Oddish.
MAN: Um, because they aren’t big favourites?
I want a Ponyta, damnit! What’s better than a beautiful Rapidash… other than a Dragonair? I have tastes alright!
MAN: I remember the day he came to this Lab after the “Shadow Incident” five years ago. And even though those two people saved the entire world we don’t even know their names.
MICHAEL: Wes and Rui.
MAN: Er, yeah, right.
MICHAEL: (Strikes a pose) I may not be as cool looking as Wes -
WES’ VOICE: Got that right!
MICHAEL: - but damn, I’m cute! (Grins) And my face is less twisted to boot.
MAN: I think all of our faces in GOD are less twisted than Colosseum…
I point that out entirly too much.
MICHAEL: Yeah, see ya then!
I don’t like this Professor Krane; he’s too shifty looking and he’s always smiling, it really freaks me out when people smile all the time. Anyway, Michael enters the room where Krane and Lily are.
KRANE: (Points across the room) Look at the rack on her!
MICHAEL: Dad!
KRANE: (Starts) I’m not your dad! That’s the story and I’m sticking to it (Nods)
MICHAEL: Still, don’t talk about mum like that.
KRANE: (Shakes head) But damn, it’s true. I mean either she has an enormous chest, or a freakishly thin waist.
MICHAEL: (Sniffs) I’d prefer not to have the mental images, if it’s all the same to you.
LILY: You know, even if I am across the room, I can still hear you.
*Slaps Krane for being a pig*
LILY: Be a dear and get Jovi, Michael. As nice as it is to be around people talking in the correct tense, I am supposed to be a mother… and you know, motherly concern, or something like that.
MICHAEL: God, I have to do everything around here!
KRANE: I suggest talking to Adon. He saw her last.
So Michael finds Adon hiding under… a table, of all places. Not in a broom closet like most hiding places; that'd be too easy for a gay joke; but a table.
MICHAEL: (Bends down) Yo, Adon?
ADON: Hisss, go away!
MICHAEL: Why?
ADON: I’m hiding, alright?
MICHAEL: Under a… table?
ADON: Yes! I may have lost the feeling in all my extremities, but I’ve finally found a dynamite hiding place even Jovi can’t find me.
MICHAEL: Under… a table?
ADON: (Groans) I’m sorry, are you from the past?
MICHAEL: You do know Jovi buggered off ages ago, right?
ADON: … what? You mean I’ve basically disabled myself for nothing?!
Michael straightens himself quickly.
MICHAEL: Uh, I guess so.
ADON: Oh, well isn’t that just peachy?!
MICHAEL: And fortunately for you I’m a nice guy so I’ll help you up -
ADON: Oh, thanks, mate!
MICHAEL: - later. (Scowls) At least have the decency to let people finish their sentences, dude.
ADON: You make me cry, you know that?
MICHAEL: Yup! I do try (Smirks) Ta-taa then.
Hmmm, how to get rid of Adon… wait, I’ve got it! A trap door opens up underneath Adon.
ADON: AAAAHHHHhhhhh…!
MICHAEL: (Snaps fingers) That was good. You have no idea how crowded this place gets in winter. Seriously. I had to sleep in the same bed as mum last time we had a conference (Shudders) I bet that really was Krane who sneaked in that night…
A voice from below interrupts Michael’s thoughts, much to his annoyance.
ADON’S VOICE: Uh, uh, h-help… me…
MICHAEL: (Squats near the door) Are you not dead yet?
ADON’S VOICE: No-no I don’t think so… but I am hurt pretty badly… I don’t think m-my leg should bend this way.
MICHAEL: …
ADON‘S VOICE: Michael? Are, are you still there?
MICHAEL: …
ADON‘S VOICE: Anyone, help? Anyone there? Help! I’ve fallen down a hole and I can’t get back up!
MICHAEL: …
ADON: I don’t think I’m too hurt; I’ll try to stand…
Shuffling noises are heard, followed by a loud crack.
ADON‘S VOICE: Ugh! No, no, that didn’t work. Now I’ve b-broken my other leg…
MICHAEL: …
ADON‘S VOICE: Please! Is anyone up there?!
MICHAEL: …
The noise of a door opening in the basement can be heard, and a pair of glowing yellow eyes enter the dark room.
ADON: Oh thank god. Help me! I’ve broken both my legs and I seem to be loosing rather a large amount of blood.
???: (Heavy breaths)
ADON‘S VOICE: Uh, no that’s fine actually. Why don’t you just wait over there?
MICHAEL: … weirdo.
Michael zooms off on his, scooter, moped thing.
AUDIENCE: (Gigglesnort) That’s the best thing we’ve seen all day!
MICHAEL: Leave me alone, I’m underage! I can’t take my full driving test yet! And really, Wes must’ve been compensating for something with that Speeder.
Towards the seriously deranged Professor’s house. How he found out Jovi is there is beyond me. Michael walks up behind Chobin who’s stood against the wall of the building, evidently looking for trespassers.
CHOBIN: (Looking through a magnifying glass) Fi fie fo fum… Chobin smells the fingerprints of scum!
MICHAEL: What’cha doin‘?
CHOBIN: Gah, hell! Don’t scare Chobin like that!
MICHAEL: … I see. You’ve been in close contact with my sister.
CHOBIN: Chobin was fine before this blue haired girl started visiting.
MICHAEL: (Shakes head) The third person tense is her calling card; it’s infectious.
And how she got across the desert on her own is also beyond me, and most people I believe.
CHOBIN: Help Chobin!
MICHAEL: I’m sorry, mate. There’s no cure.
CHOBIN: But if you are her big brother, how did you avoid the illness?
MICHAEL: (Throws arm up) Oh, that’s easy! I just ignore her!
Anyone else noticed “Chobin” sounds suspiciously like “Hobbit” and with him looking like the way he does? Coincidence, I think not! Maybe it's just my accent then.
CHOBIN: Simpleton…
MICHAEL: What was that?!
CHOBIN: Uh, nothing? Anyway, let’s go inside so you can corner the rat… I-meant-rat! I-mean-rat… imeanrat. Damnit, brat! Arg! Just come in will you?!
Inside Professor Kaminko’s laboratory. Scared yet? Well, you should be~!
CHOBIN: Let Chobin show you some of the great professor’s works!
MICHAEL: (Folds arms) I don’t see the harm.
Famous last words…
CHOBIN: “Useless Kaminko invention # 18: The Lottery! Simply choose eight numbers and our machine will pick out any number from one to forty-nine at random! Truly a wonderful invention!”
MICHAEL: Hah, right…
CHOBIN: “Useless Kaminko invention # 003: The Universal Language Translator! Translates from English to American and back again at the touch of a button. A marvellous invention!”
MICHAEL: What’s the point of that?!
CHOBIN: Useless Kaminko invention # 32: The Reversal Deodorant Spray. All there is to it is-”
MICHAEL: Alright! That’s enough! I’ve heard enough! I’ve gotta go collect Jovi and be helpful to the plot. (Turns to leave, then turns back to Chobin) Though I do think you’ve been using the reversal spray…
CHOBIN: Of course Chobin uses it! It is the greatest of the Great Kaminko’s inventions!
MICHAEL: (Pinches nose) Well, maybe you should stop.
And because the professor has such a freakishly small house on the inside to what it looks like from outside, Michael moves across to the second room on the left… yes, next to the kitchen.
CHOBIN: Chobin no likey Mic-y. Chobin will have his revenge for insulting the Great Professor. Oh yes, Chobin will. It may not be today, or tomorrow… but Chobin shall see justice is served!
^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
A/N: Gah, I dunno what I’m doing XD It so pales in comparison to Is This Really Pokemon Colosseum? Gonna get loads of references from it though ^.^ ITRPC? is my baby fic though, and it deserves the most attention X3
Can you tell who the person in the lab's basement is? They're in it quite a bit to come.
