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JailBirds [PG-13]

T

Toucan96

Hoenn Obsession
BEGGINING NOTE:
[this comicy-thingy {lol i typed thingy} is not censored and contains material that NOOONE shoud have to read. if you are easily offended, plese stop reading this]
*or go screw yourself, whatever works for you.


all of you who have read Poke-Strami, know i sucked. BUT NAO I CAN SHINE IN A PG13 KINDA WAY [no not that way]
Story: its two guys and a girl all in the slammer, aparently, Leonard is the newest addition, and along with his freinds , Lucy and BadAss, getting trough a life scentence for something you were too drunk to remember wont be as bad....right?

GIVE MEH FEEDBACK OR GO SCREW YOURSELF AGAIN YOU BUSH-HUMPING EXECUTIVES.

Rating:
PG-13 for cursing,drug reference, bad grammur,alchhol refrence,rape,sexual refrencES,more rape, 1337 sp33k, and rude boyish humer throughout.
CHARACTERS:
KEY:
NAME
GENDER
DATING STATUS [for u geeks who care]
AGE
SPECIES
BIO: HAI IMMA BE A NOOB SO KEEL ME OR AH SILENCE YUH MAH BOI.



Leonardo
Male
Single
22
Shinx
Bio: hes the star, and as such must be adressed as so. say hello to DUMBASS...errr...i mean LEONARDO the PERVERTED CHARACTER! hes one of three in jail ,[well, those who are ALWAYS in jail], and was caught attacking the Keckleon brothers because he wanted a withdrwal from his bank account. he likes lucy, but WHO THE HELL cARES WE HAVE LESS PERVERTED PPLE TO TAK TO.

Lucy
Female
Single
22
Bio:a theif who knws no boundries when it come to theft. she says shes in for jest theft, but really grand theft. she stole...a monkey wrench, an apple, two jewels, a needle, a wig, obamas pants, botox, and finally a lolcat...all from area 51. she [apparently] is VERY good looking [but i was never partial to foxes] and uses this to her advantige, especially with theft and making leonardo do something for her. SAY WHOS THAT GUY NAMED BADASS?

BadAss
Male
Single
23 [OMG HES OLDER]
Bio: hes got an IQ of 286, an attitude to match his name, and apparently parents with bad senses of humor. hes a pyro who burnt down magnezones house, magnezones condom, and magnezones only way of showing that he is a guy 'cause those damn nintendo pple refuse to give him a gender which really pisses him off.[oh, wait. thats the same thing]. anyways, hes basicly someone youd avoid, mainly because hes dark type and all of you are racist against dark types [ADMIT IT. id walk by a different type if i had a choise]and yous avoid him because hell be evil, but hes not evil, hes jest a pyro whos misunderstood because his BadAss name is a result of his DumbAss parents smoking too much, but i digress.



Actual thing:
if youve actually reached this point, then look at these.
Comic numbuh one
http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/1097/cohmicnumbuhone.jpg








Credit[who the hell cares this is really who should be offended]
The Spriters-Ressource



[these quotes will be added to everytime a new comic is released you little perverts, you!]
ENDING NOTE(s):
"1. always think of an erection positively 2. wine is good, eccess is better 3. NEVER TRUST A FART"
 
K

Kabutopzilla

En Prócsem
I'm not sure if you were trying to make this better than Poke-Strami or not, but if you were, it isn't turning out too well.

NOTE: Do not get offended by the following. All I am doing is delivering the hard facts.

A major problem is that you saved the file as a 24-bit map (.JPG). For visual clarity, ALWAYS save the image as .PNG (remember: .PNG = PwNaGe).

Next big problem you have here is the speech bubbles. They are horrible. I'd go out on a limb and say that they've degraded since your previous comic. Look at some tutorials, even if it means downloading Paint.Net, the program swallows no more memory than a few megabytes. But you can make decent speech bubbles in simple Paint as well, if you know how to.

The PG-13 rating is suitable for this comic, but for all the wrong reasons. First off, why are you using "1337 speak" and "bad grammar" as descriptors attributing to the rating? I don't think I see how those two are inappropriate for younger audiences. And at this point, the humor you use here is a mix of gray and blue: blue humor means you are using things like scatological references or what one would call "toilet humor" which is infamous for littering those parody/satirical F-movies. Gray humor is colorless, forced, and in some cases, so pathetic that it actually inspires a laugh (for the wrong reasons). The latter case is not the case here.

Overall, Poke-Strami was better. Save as .PNG, work on those speech bubbles, and lastly, work on the humor. With practice, you'll get better. Just keep trying.
 
Last edited:
T

That Comic Guy

Comic Lover Trainer
What? ...What? !!!
I didn't know what to expect from this comic with a PG-13 rating and a name of JailBirds but I am truly confused after reading this.

Ok I'll start with your basic points such as:

~Saving PNG
~Making Better Speech Bubbles

But there is no serious point to this comic! To be honest, you seem to cram as much random, innapropriate, sexual innuendo stuff in as possible! It's just... not entertaining to read. There's no real plot to speak of, I have no idea what's going on but before you yell at me - yes I understand that's supposed to be some of the appeal.

I don't favour much of comics which try and be stupid for the sake of being stupid. I more favour comics with enough effort to co-ordinate humour with good editing. I know there are some others who do like this kind of comic, but I only see it as a minority.

Your previous comic did favour better, but when expectations are higher for this one, then it can be a big problem if this one turns out to be worse... In the end though, this comic and your other one went with the pure randomness route - which is ok to begin with, but you'll find people may read a few chapters, before realising all the updates from then on are more random scenes offering no purpose to a plot - meaning no reason for readers to check back for updates.

Try different styles of comedy, as these types don't suit many on this board. If that doesn't work, try for a well edited simple adventure plot and sprinkle in humour here and there if you miss comedy.

To conclude, this comic isn't anything brilliant compared to much else I've seen. But like Kabutopzilla said, you have potential.

[Also like Kabutopzilla said, get Paint.NET! It is a great program and it works very well :)]
 
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