Jimmy's Adventures

[Hazzer]

<- credit to Pokefan64 for the logo
Hi and welcome to my very first comic!
The first doesn't reveal much but as i make more you will see the story line progressing!Please do not critisize it or say rude words, just tell me how i can improve it if you want to say somthing! Also don't say "yeh its fine" OR "Well its not very good" Please tell me why you say that!

Here is the first issue:
Comic 1
Comic 2
Comic 3
Comic 4
~hazzer~

 

[Blues]

First off, criticising is telling you the flaws, and saying how you can improve...

Well, there's actually not much wrong with this, though it could stand to be a little longer. Your textboxes are great, the sprites are good also. The only problem I really have is that's it's a tad confusing, but I suppose your next update will explain it.

I can't really say anything about plot, since nothing's happened yet, so I'll wait on that. That title at the top, "Pokemon: The New Gym Leader", is too colorful and can hurt people's eyes. Though it isn't the worst thing in the world, I suggest you change it to a darker color.

 

[KH2 Sora]

I agree with Blues.EXE-Kun on alot of that, but i wouldn't go using FR/LG Sprites all the time, seeing the same sprites in different comics tends to get boring after a while.

 

[Hazzer]

Ok,Thank you for the comments I will be updating it now.
I will edi when im Finished!

~Hazzer;009;


Check out the second comic on the first post,

 

[Maneachiz]

Sorry to be sooo criticising on my first Post on this actual Forum, but Your charachters don't show any expression. They even left thier Father there! Sorry, but this is a fairly Okay start, but improvement is needed. and as another person said, use other sprites too...

 

[munchlaxboy]

Like Chiz said, THEY DON'T CARE THAT THE FATHER IS DEAD! That's my only problem. But seeing the last panel of comic 2, this comic might become funny.

 

[Hazzer]

How is this for the 3 comic Comic 3

 

[Marril_Man]

The 3rd Comic is dull, no battle effects, Squirtle is spelt wrong and Torchic uses Tackle (doesn't know it, it uses Scratch). And Torchic fainted at the last bit, it had no health.
It is an ok comic though. The speech bubbles are good but the plot is ok yet abit dull. Overall average... Try and get the facts before battle and some effects and maybe some Jokes but yes I know you can't really make Jimmy say "Oh yay my dad is dead!" but try and add some humor-It is a comic afterall.

 

[Blaze Dragon]

Well...On the last comic you have 2 spelling errors:
On the 4,5,6 and 7: is "Squirtle" not "Squartle"
On the last one: is "next" not "nest".
And you have read the other critics, so I have nothing more to say

 

[Dark Registeel]

I think those are cool!
Keep it up.

 

[Hazzer]

thank you very much dark registeel and thank you to every one else
i am jus hosting the 4th now
~hazzer~

Comic 4

 

[Pokefan64]

Comic 4 - Squirtle's name is still spelt wrong, the boxes are cut off, not sure what emotion Jack is trying to show (but nice one for trying it) and the last speech bubble is pointing to the gym. But otherwise, it's good! I think it would be better if the text in the box was white and dark blue, and mabye you could check your punctuation etc. once you've finished a comic.
Sorry for a whole truck-load of critisism, but otherwise, I like it!

~Pokefan64;245;

 

[Hazzer]

ok lads i will get working on the squirtle spelling and the boxes.
But aill in all its Cool!

Here is the updated comic 4!Comic 4

Do you think it would be better if i put ----Comic 4 - The bad beggining------
Would that be better?

Hazzer


Thanks Hazzer;009;

 

[Blaziken Trainer]

Not bad... just kind of Bleh... But better than I could do

 

[Avegaille]

First off, criticising is telling you the flaws, and saying how you can improve...

So true...

Anyways, for the comic, let's see... once again, I noticed this... Using FR/LG Sprites on Ruby/Sapphire areas... Well, if you're going to use FR/LG Sprites, you might as well use FR/LG Areas, now, isn't that right? I can't explain much of this further, but that idea always stuck in my mind for some odd reasons. I think I read a thread about it somewhere here...

Second, wanna try zooming in on the charcters? Makes a good effect and the readers will know you are focusing on the chracters speaking (unless it's really necessary to show the whole terrain)

One more thing, everyone here is complaining about your spelling, may I suggest playing the games a bit more? ._.

 

[Hazzer]

This is very old comic i am going to close it.

 

[Thunder_Raichu]

Why is the gym talking? Where can you find a mightyena there anyways? Use common sense from the games please.

 

[Nixx]

Make sure the text fits into the text box. Never, ever make the box before typing in the text. Also, correct all spelling and grammar errors before saving it.