Jokes thread

[Larry]

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

 

[Gelatino95]

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Clever.

How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two- one to screw in the light bulb and one to write a sad poem about how it misses the old light bulb.

 

[Angeltripper]

Girl: If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee

Guy: If you were my wife I'd drink it

 

[Deleted member 300066]

What sort of concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickleback.

 

[Phoopes]

Why did the hipster burn his tounge?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

 

[A_TROLL_NAMED_SLACK]

Find out what im saying!

Jamie Foxx has one, but its small.
Arnold Schwartzinegger has one, and its big.
The pope doesn't have one, but his wife carries one around all the time.
What is it?

Spoiler: I like raping people

A last name

Yeah, some people think negative.

 

[TeamRocketGrunt]

I got LMFAO jokes yay
RedFoo walks into a bar....wait a minute, doesn't that always happen?

SkyBlu meets Uncle RedFoo
SB-I am meeting ANOTHER relative? Oh great.
GUESS WHO WALKED IN THE ROOM
RF-Why hello there.
SB-Are you SURE we're related?
RF-Yes I am.What do you like? I like partying and drinking.
SB-Me too!
RF-I like you.

 

[Mister_SGG]

I got LMFAO jokes yay
RedFoo walks into a bar....wait a minute, doesn't that always happen?

SkyBlu meets Uncle RedFoo
SB-I am meeting ANOTHER relative? Oh great.
GUESS WHO WALKED IN THE ROOM
RF-Why hello there.
SB-Are you SURE we're related?
RF-Yes I am.What do you like? I like partying and drinking.
SB-Me too!
RF-I like you.

That wasn't too funny.

 

[Mr. Marowak]

What's worse than spilling your drink?

Spoiler: ohoho

Landslides.

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream?

Spoiler: Teehee

He was hit by a truck.

Who's worse than the guy who yells during a movie?

Spoiler: LOL

Joseph Stalin.

 

[Gelatino95]

What's worse than cancer?

[spoil]Anti-jokes[/spoil]

 

[pkmnfn]

Two chemists walk in to a bar.

One says to the waiter: I'll have some H2O

The second one says: Good idea, I'll have some H2O too

say it out loud it you don't get it... made me crack up ^.^

 

[Mr. Marowak]

Two chemists walk in to a bar.

One says to the waiter: I'll have some H2O

The second one says: Good idea, I'll have some H2O too

say it out loud it you don't get it... made me crack up ^.^

Directly on page 1.

 

[Gelatino95]

Two chemists walk in to a bar.

One says to the waiter: I'll have some H2O

The second one says: Good idea, I'll have some H2O too

say it out loud it you don't get it... made me crack up ^.^

I'm guessing you're one of those guys who doesn't read OPs.

 

[pkmnfn]

^.^' I didn't *ashamed*

how's this...

hydrogen says to oxygen:

you stole my electron!

oxygen says:

are you sure?

heydrogen says:

I'm positive!

or...

A neutron walks in to a bar.

Neutron: how much for a drink?

Bartender: for you, no charge!

 

[Gelatino95]

Those are very overused chemistry jokes. Just thought I'd let you know.

 

[irock245]

This one is bad.....

Why do women not ski?

Spoiler: here it comes

Because there are no slopes between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Don't be hatin.

 

[ArtCelJirArcRes]

A blonde once thought that YMCA was Macy's spelled wrong.

Why don't you take a shower with Pokemon?

Spoiler: GIGGLE!

They might Pikachu!

Spoiler: More jokes

Zekrom Tepig Turtwig

Two muffins were in the oven. One said "It's hot in here." The other went

Spoiler: Muffin

AAH! A TALKING MUFFIN!

 

[pkmnfn]

I tried...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping, they pitched their tent and stared up at the night sky as they fell asleep.

Sherlock: So what does the sight of the starts tell you watson?

Watson: well, it tell us not to trust our eyes- the stars look so close and so close together but are really so far and so far apart.

Sherlock: No you fool! it means someone stole our tent!

have I redeemed myself?

 

[Gelatino95]

^ Yes, nice work.

 

[irock245]

Here's another one that's bad.

What happens to a political joke?

Spoiler: here it comes

He gets elected.