Jokes thread

[Gelatino95]

I don't see a jokes thread for a couple pages. We definitely need one.

Let's start with a science joke: What three elements are cats made of?

[spoil]Iron, Lithium, and Neon

FeLiNe[/spoil]

Another one:

Two guys walk into a bar. One of them orders H2O. The other guy says, "I think I'll have some H2O too."

He died.

 

[Mister_SGG]

Oh, oh, me first

penis

 

[Eternalserenity]

A man walks into a bar, and he says, "OW!"

 

[Moneyy]

Let's start with a science joke: What three elements are cats made of?

Cations (yes I know it's not necessarily an element)

penis

Please don't start the penis talk again.

 

[*IZ*]

Oh, oh, me first

penis

For some reason this was funnier than the OP's jokes.

 

[Eternalserenity]

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The priest looks at the rabbi and says, "Hey, did you hear the one about us?"

 

[Tyranitarquake]

Two guys walk into a bar. One of them orders H2O. The other guy says, "I think I'll have some H2O too."

He died.

I don't get it.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender gets a gun out and shoots at the ceiling. The guy says thank you and walks out. Yeah yeah.. There should be a riddles thread.

 

[Grey Wind]

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Spoiler: a

Cancer.

Probably not the best joke, but it cracks me up every time.

 

[Gelatino95]

Anti-jokes are incredibly boring.

Cations (yes I know it's not necessarily an element)

If it's not an element, then it's not the answer. Did you check the spoiler?

I don't get it.

The second guy says "H2O too" which sounds like H2O2, which is hydrogen peroxide.

For some reason this was funnier than the OP's jokes.

Because for some reason people think it's funny to hate on Gelatino. Which is kind of true.

 

[Mister_SGG]

Now for a real joke.

Spoiler: teehee

Two guys are hosting a barbecue, and they start preparing the meat. One of them is cutting up some ribs, and he separates two sections. He says, "This is the male part, this is the female part." To which the other guy replies, "What's the difference?" The other guy says, "The male part has a bone."

 

[RivalsByNature]

Does a funny pickup line count as a joke?

Hey, I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

Yeah, I can't think of anything better.

 

[Mister_SGG]

Does a funny pickup line count as a joke?

Hey, I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

Yeah, I can't think of anything better.

hehee that's a good one. Well not really but it made me chuckle.

 

[Tyranitarquake]

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Spoiler: a

Cancer.

Probably not the best joke, but it cracks me up every time.

This is the only joke on the page that made me giggle. I have no idea why.

Does a funny pickup line count as a joke?

Hey, I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

Yeah, I can't think of anything better.

They've changed the pronounciation of Uranus. It's pronounced Ura-nus now instead of Your Anus. That's what TV told me.

There was a joke about that too:

Guy 1: You know Uranus is pronounced Ura-nus now?

Guy 2: Really? Why?

Guy 1: I never got to the bottom of it.

 

[Kacho]

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Spoiler: a

Cancer.

Probably not the best joke, but it cracks me up every time.

The crab, right?

EDIT:
to OP:
*insert comment about how you can google a whole bunch of chemistry jokes*
I have actually seen that one already, heh.
you welcome

 

[ShadeShadow]

2 blondes walked into a bar. you think one of them wouldve seen it.

A pirate walks into a bar. the bartender asks, whats with the steering wheel in your pants? the pirate says, AAAARRRRGG its driving me nuts!!!

... yeah theyre bad...

 

[abrar14]

This thread is a joke




Lol jk

 

[Primal Crusader V]

Here's one my dad taught me when I was at least 6 years old

What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean?

Spoiler

Nothing, they just waved

Here's one that my dad taught me when I was 11 years old

Two truck drivers are on a High way. One truck driver is delivering a stock of Mexican food and the other is delivering Chinese Food. Suddenly, the Mexican truck swerves towards the Chinese truck, then both of them crash. The Mexican truck ended up leaking this strange, yellow substance that the chinese driver found intersting. He then dips his hand into it and says:


"Wow, is this a new recipe?"

The mexican driver responds, "No, it's Nacho Cheese!"
The Chinese driver looked sad, then replied, "You selfish pig. It's a free country!"

 

[Moneyy]

If it's not an element, then it's not the answer. Did you check the spoiler?

Yeah, I did. I was just trying to make a lame attempt at an alternate answer to that joke.

Does a funny pickup line count as a joke?

Hey, I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

Yeah, I can't think of anything better.

Best joke so far.

 

[Gelatino95]

A pirate walks into a bar. the bartender asks, whats with the steering wheel in your pants? the pirate says, AAAARRRRGG its driving me nuts!!!

This one is probably the best I've seen so far. Actually made me laugh.

to OP:
*insert comment about how you can google a whole bunch of chemistry jokes*
I have actually seen that one already, heh.
you welcome

Those weren't from Google, they were from Chemistry Cat. I like my image macros.

 

[disposable_heroes]

How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to hold it in place, and the other to rotate the universe.


What do you call a joke involving cobalt, radon, and yttrium?

CoRnY.