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Jokes thread

G

Gelatino95

Not a tool
^ That one's actually quite clever

Now for a history joke.

Why are the trees in Paris planted so close together?

[spoil]Because the British like to march in the shade.[/spoil]
 
A

Adrexus

Do it the bird way!
George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bill Clinton and George Bush are on a plane. George Washington says "I want to make my country happy" So he throws one dollar bills off the plane.

Abraham Lincoln says "Oh yeah? I'm going to make my country even happier" So he throws five dollar bills off the plane.

Bill Clinton says "Hyuck Hyuck you guys hadn't seen nutin' yet" And he throws George Bush off the plane.
 
I

irock245

She wants it
Alright, here's a long Joke.

Three girls were captured by a tribe of cannibals. The three girls consisted of a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The tribal chief says, " If you manage to stick 30 pieces of a fruit on the island in your mouth at once without losing any, i will set you free. If not, then you will be cokked for dinner!" so the three girls go get fruit and the redhead scome back first. She has grapes. She starts to put them in her mouth counting each one. Sonn she reaches 19 grapes and coughs one up. The tribe ties her up and starts roasting her over a fire. The brunette comes next with cherries. She starts putting them in her mouth and counting them. when she gets to 25, she suddenly spits them out laughing hysterically. When placed over the roasting cauldron the redhead asks, "Why did you spit them out? You were almost free!"

The brunette replies, "Yes, but I saw the blonde coming up with pinapples!"
 
G

Gelatino95

Not a tool
irock245 said:
Alright, here's a long Joke.

Three girls were captured by a tribe of cannibals. The three girls consisted of a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The tribal chief says, " If you manage to stick 30 pieces of a fruit on the island in your mouth at once without losing any, i will set you free. If not, then you will be cokked for dinner!" so the three girls go get fruit and the redhead scome back first. She has grapes. She starts to put them in her mouth counting each one. Sonn she reaches 19 grapes and coughs one up. The tribe ties her up and starts roasting her over a fire. The brunette comes next with cherries. She starts putting them in her mouth and counting them. when she gets to 25, she suddenly spits them out laughing hysterically. When placed over the roasting cauldron the redhead asks, "Why did you spit them out? You were almost free!"

The brunette replies, "Yes, but I saw the blonde coming up with pinapples!"
Click to expand...

I heard the same thing except it had to do with the girls sticking fruit up their butt. And I still don't get it.
 
I

irock245

She wants it
Gelatino95 said:
I heard the same thing except it had to do with the girls sticking fruit up their butt. And I still don't get it.
Click to expand...

Well imagine sticking 30 sharp pinapples into your mouth/butt at once and then you will get it.
 
M

metagrody6

COMO UN JEFE
Here is my joke

Why did the walrus fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the second walrus fall out of the tree?
It was tied to the first walrus.
Why did the third walrus fall out of the tree?
It thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was a walrus.
 
M

Mister_SGG

Well-Known Member
metagrody6 said:
Here is my joke

Why did the walrus fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Why did the second walrus fall out of the tree?
It was tied to the first walrus.
Why did the third walrus fall out of the tree?
It thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was a walrus.
Click to expand...

Lawl that goes to the hall of fame.

pkmnfn said:
I tried...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping, they pitched their tent and stared up at the night sky as they fell asleep.

Sherlock: So what does the sight of the starts tell you watson?

Watson: well, it tell us not to trust our eyes- the stars look so close and so close together but are really so far and so far apart.

Sherlock: No you fool! it means someone stole our tent!

have I redeemed myself?
Click to expand...

This one too.
 
T

TeamRocketGrunt

WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo
I am back :D


RedFoo, SkyBlu, and Shuffle Bot are in a late night club.Shuffle Bot complains that he can't fit the bottle through his box.RedFoo tells him to take it off, so he does.Then, a blinding white light as it was removed.

RedFoo and Skyblu were blinded.
It wasn't the light, either.
 
3

3D992

The Living Hologram
Yo mamma's so fat, she used cheats on wii fit!
 
B

Black Kyurem

Kyurem-frozen dragon
How many pokemon characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it'll take 4 episodes.
 
3

3D992

The Living Hologram
Yo mamma's so dumb, she tried to smoke a weedle.


Dont ask me which end...
 
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