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Journey into the Unown (PG 13)

Dreamy

Well-Known Member
Welcome to my first true fanfic, I hope you enjoy it.




Journey into the Unown

Chapter 1: The Beginning

By: Coyote_Dynamo





The light from Lampent’s soft glow gave the carved walls of the

corridor a rippling effect like the surface of water as Luka and his

partner made their way along the dim path. The floor beneath his feet

had a slight give to it like walking on dried mud and was slick in some

spots, but that didn’t deter the pair from their quest. The musty scent

of the ruins tweaked Luka’s nose and occasionally a waft of fresh air

would envelope him from the breezeway like a loving mother’s embrace.

The heat from Lampent and the mugginess of the underground corridor

was causing Luka to sweat and he would often have to adjust his

glasses to keep them from falling off his face and wipe the tendrils of his

drenched brown hair from his eyes. As the duo continued to make their

way the same thought of why these ruins seemed to appear out of

nowhere overnight kept coming to the front of Luka’s mind.

The storm had been far worse than anyone had predicted and had

caused countless destruction, especially near the small forest village

where the ruins were discovered. The area was rarely ventured into

and the vegetation nearly impenetrable. The storm had washed away a

small clumping of trees, which revealed the stone doorway into the

ruins. No record existed of any civilization in that area. The ruins

themselves were as mysterious as their sudden appearance.

A blast of cold air filled the corridor for a brief moment. That meant it

was probably getting dark and Luka thought of heading back, but

something was pulling him onwards. Even the worried looks from

Lampent couldn’t slow his pace.

“Just a little farther Lampent,” he said “I have a feeling we may be on

to something big.”

Lampent gave no further complaint and continued on at it’s master’s

side.

The darkness of the corridor was growing and becoming an entity

of it’s own. The opposite ends of the corridor seemed to fall off into an

endless abyss from which nothing could return. Lampent’s flame stood

no chance against the oppressive darkness. The markings on the walls

stood out just as clear as before as if they had an internal lighting

source, but surely that was impossible even in such a strange place as

this. The markings were completely foreign to Luka, but at the same

time strangely familiar, perhaps the darkness was finally starting to get

to him. The last few feet of the corridor were the same as the ones

before, no difference at all and Luka thought he began to see a pattern

to the markings. Luka held his breath in anticipation as he and Lampent

stepped out of the corridor into a small chamber with no doors. The

markings continued along the stone walls. The ceiling was at least

twice the height of the corridor and Luka could finally stand up straight

comfortably. The only possible exit he could see was a round hole in

the ceiling that was too small for a person to fit through, he thought it

must be an air vent.

“Come on out Galvantula,” Luka called.

Galvantula appeared from it’s pokeball and climbed up a few feet on

the wall.

“Alright Galvantula go up through that hole and see what you can

find.”

Galvantula tried and tried to squeeze up through the hole, but even it

couldn’t fit.

“That’s ok Galvantula thanks anyway.” Luka called Galvantula back

to it’s pokeball and stared around at the walls trying to make sense of it

all. He sat down on the earthen floor and took out a notebook from his

backpack. He took note of all the different symbols and sketched a few

of them in the margins. The symbols had an almost futuristic quality to

them as if they were left here by a more advanced race of beings. The

shapes were more rounded than the sharp angular ones he was used

to seeing, he just couldn’t make any sense of them.

Lampent floated around the chamber just as astounded by it all as

Luka. Lampent had been Luka’s partner on many archeological digs and

has come to love it as much as he does. Lampent’s curiosity brought it

to a corner of the chamber, which caused it’s glow to move off of Luka’s

paper.

“Lampent can you come here for a second I need your light,” he said.

Lampent spun around and started to float towards Luka. To get the

momentum it needed to glide forward Lampent had to lean back and

when it did it’s shade pushed into one of the symbols, which gave way

slightly like a button and started to glow. Lampent reached Luka a

second later with no knowledge of the glowing symbol.

“Thank you Lampent,” Luka said.

Behind them the symbol was still glowing and then the ones around it

started to glow. Within a minute all of the symbols on the rear wall

were glowing. Luka took notice of the sudden brightness of the room

and turned to see the source of the light.

“What the…,” he breathed.

Lines of light were now snaking around the walls lighting up all of the

symbols one at a time until they were all glowing with the same pale

blue light. The symbols then started to project off of the walls like

holograms.

“Lampent are you seeing this,” he exclaimed.

Lampent stared around with amazement and a touch of fear.

The projected symbols began to move about the chamber in

seemingly random patterns at first and then began to form into rings.

As the rings of symbols orbited invisible stars they began to turn black

and became solid objects or what appeared more like living creatures

with a single large eye. As Luka and Lampent looked on at the

creatures one thought crossed Luka’s mind…Unown. He had heard of

the mysterious and elusive Pokemon his entire life, but had never had

the chance to see them in real life. The stories he had heard of what

the Unown are capable of were all starting to come back to Luka and he

started to panic.

“Lampent we need to get out of here,” he said. He grabbed

Lampent’s arm and started back towards the corridor, but the doorway

started to dissolve away in a flood of color, in fact the entire room

began to melt away replaced by a swirling sea of colors. Luka knew it

was too late, they were trapped by the Unown’s power. The rings of

Unown began to intertwine and form a large sphere. Luka felt his body

start to get heavy and he started falling with Lampent safely in his

grasp. Together they fell through a sky of countless hues and had no

idea of what lay ahead. Moments later a bright light encompassed the

space and swallowed them as well, all consciousness ceased.

“Luka darling it’s time to wake up,” his mother called “Today you get

to start your journey dear.”

His eyes opened and he looked up at his mother’s sweet angelic face

as she nudged him awake. She kept nudging and wouldn’t stop and

then her face turned into a purple flame.

Luka sat up drenched in sweat. Lampent was nudging at his ribs to

get him to wake up. When he finally did Lampent flew around in a circle

to exclaim it’s joy.

“Lamp lamp,” it said.

Luka rubbed his eyes and readjusted his glasses. After a moment he

realized he was sitting on the ground in a forest, but not any forest he

knew of. The trunks of the trees were a light shade of blue and the leaves a lovely

yet disturbing lavender. The ground on which he sat was a sickly yellow

and brown combination like course mustard. The sky was the most

striking of all, the same swirling pool of colors as the chamber before.

“The chamber,” he said “that’s where we are Lampent, in the space

the Unown created in the chamber room.” He looked around at the

strange new world and wondered why they were sent here and more

importantly how they were going to get back.




Stay tuned for the next installment of Journey into the Unown: Chapter

2. Coming in one week.
 
Last edited:

Azurne

~ ♥ ~
I rather like this actually. You have a nice flow to your story and the description is pretty good. The only thing that's really bothering me is the way you've stacked your story - all squished to the left. I'd try and edit it so it reads all the way across the post and doesn't leave this depressing void in the rest of the screen. :p

A little bit of concrit: Though you have a good story here, I still don't feel entirely compelled to read on because you've missed a key aspect about why Luka and Lampent are down in this chamber in the first place. I figured maybe Luka and Lampent volunteered to go explore this chamber for the village locals after this storm had passed, but you really didn't go into much detail. Did they volunteer to go alone? Did the village not want anything to do with these ruins? Or did they not allow him to go, but they went anyway? Why are Luka and Lampent all alone in these clearly unexplored and possibly dangerous ruins?

Grammar-wise, I think you should probably put a comma between 'way' and 'the' in this sentence here:

As the duo continued to make their way the same thought of why these ruins seemed to appear out of nowhere overnight kept coming to the front of Luka’s mind.

It feels rather rushed if you don't, but that might just be me.

I'm also not a fan of this opening paragraph:
The storm had been far worse than anyone had predicted and had caused countless destruction, especially near the small forest village where the ruins were discovered. The area was rarely ventured into and the vegetation nearly impenetrable. The storm had washed away a small clumping of trees, which revealed the stone doorway into the ruins. No record existed of any civilization in that area. The ruins themselves were as mysterious as their sudden appearance.

The sentence "The area was rarely ventured into" seems to imply that the small forest village was nearly impenetrable due to the vegetation, but then you jump into "the storm had washed away a small clumping of trees" revealing the door to these ruins. You don't specifically say where this door was at - in the middle of the village?

Basically it reads like 'there was this nasty storm the decimated this poor village which was obscured by vegetation anyway and oh there's a door that got revealed... somewhere'.

I can't mind read you or anything, but did you mean that this storm damaged the village and also an area near it that was once obscured? The village itself wasn't overgrown or anything or had ruins in it, right?

Overall, very good for your first fanfiction. The imagery is absolutely awesome. :3
 
Last edited:

Dreamy

Well-Known Member
Thanks for the crit, my other works are much much better than this. I will tie up any loose ends in the next chapter.
 
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