Journey To Fallarbor Gym!

[Venasaur]

Dear Brian:

I am sending this letter to you regarding your question about becoming a Gym Leader. I think that it is an excellent idea that you want to become a Gym Leader; more so, I think that the type you selected to pursue is a most worthy one. Not many Trainers would go the route you are going to face eventually.

The first step to becoming a Gym Leader is to obtain all eight badges needed to enter into the Pokemon League Competition held at the end of June. You must compete and secure a place that will get you into the Finals. Once there, you are eligible to face the Eilte Four. Once you register with them, you must battle each of them. If you are successful, then you will get a special badge that will allow you open up your own Gym. However, before you do that, there is one more crucial step.

You must face the current Gym Leader of the Type that you are registering for. That would be me. But then, I must tell you this: I am no pushover. I will battle you for everything it's worth. If you can successfully defeat me in a Pokemon Battle, then you will recieve your Leader's Liscense. Good luck, Brian. I am sending this letter in the hopes that you will recieve it before you leave on your Journey. If not, then you may recieve the answers to your questions in due time.

Sincerely yours,
Erika





CHAPTER ONE: A New Beginning

Sunlight streamed through the window of 14-year old Brian Wood's room as he slowly turned over in his sleep. It was a quiet, sleepy morning in Littleroot Town, and the world was just waking up. Taillow swooped around the bright sky in hopes of finding juicy Wurmple to eat. Across the street from Brian's house, Mrs. Bushel was busily working in her garden, attending to her Roselia and Bellossom. As the sun slowly climbed higher and higher, the peaceful morning was interupted by an explosion...

KABOOM! The Electrode alarm clock on Brian's dresser worked perfectly. Panicked, Brian leaped out of bed and reached wildly for the snooze button. Finding it, he slammed his hand down on it and threw the alarm-clock out of the window. Geez, he thought. I know I had to wake up early, but that alarm is ridiculous... He yawned and stretched as he reached for his clothes.

After a quick shower, he was ready. "Okay," said to himself aloud. "I need my pack... there it is. Umm... Extra clothes, check... toothbrush, check... Pokenav, check..." As he went down the list, his mother quietly knocked on the door.

"Honey," she whispered, "can I come in?" She let herself in and stood by Brian's door as he finished packing. "My little boy... all grown up and heading out on his first journey. It never is easy to let go, but when it's time... it's time..." she said, choked with tears.

"Mom..." Brian shifted uncomfortably. He didn't like seeing his mother like this, especially after her recent divorce with his father. She hugged him and shoved a pack into his hands.

"These are the essentials that every Trainer needs before going out into the world," she explained. "Extra food, an emergency kit, a Pokemon Center Kit, and a Guidebook." She sighed. "Now- go on and make me proud." She walked him to the door and watched him as he crossed the street. He turned to her and waved. With tears in her eyes, she waved back and slowly shut the door.

Brian took a deep breath. Then he looked up towards the huge lab that belonged to Professor Birch and headed towards it. Just as he got down the street, however, something made him stop. "BRIAN! WAIT!" Turning around, Brian saw Mrs. Bushel waddle up the street towards him. A Beautifly hovered in the air above her. Wheezing, she paused at Brian and waited for her breath to catch up to her.

"Mrs. Bushel," Brian started, "You know you shouldn't run like that. The doctor said-"

"I know what the doctor said," she cut in. "Don't run, don't hurry, don't eat too much, don't breathe in Stun Spore, don't, don't, don't. That's all a doctor's good for, is telling you what you don't need to be doing." Brian laughed at his old friend's rant. Mrs. Bushel took Brian's hand warmly and smiled. "Now I know you weren't going to leave without saying goodbye to me, were you?"

"No, I wouldn't have forgotten that, or I would never hear the end of it." They both laughed as Beautifly flitted near some potted flowers.

"Well, I guess you'd better go now, or you'll be late." Mrs. Bushel said. "But, take this-" She handed Brian a Pokemon Egg. It was pale blue and blotched with green spots.

"What's in it?" Brian asked as he gingerly took it.

"It's a secret," Mrs Bushel said, putting a finger to her lips. "My husband brought that egg home from one of his his trips from Kanto. I've had it in my incubator, but no luck. It needs to be with a strong Trainer to hatch. You are the perfect candidate."

Brian looked into Mrs. Bushel's wrinkled but happy face. "I- I can't take this," he stammered.

"Of course you can," she said. "You and I have had some special times, and that egg is my thanks. That garden of mine wouldn't be anything without you, and you're going to make a perfect Grass-type Gym Leader." Brian looked at the egg for a moment, and hugged his dear old friend.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Don't mention it," she said. They let go of each other as Brian carefully put the egg into his pack.

"I'll take good care of it," he said.

"I know you will," replied Mrs. Bushel with a smile. Then, she waved to Brian as he made his way down the hill and out of sight.

Turning back towards his home, Brian saw Beautifly flit higher and higher into the sky. Then, it turned yellow and flashed brightly with a goodbye display of Morning Sun. Brian smiled and waved as he turned his back towards the warmth of his home.


<<<<< TO BE CONTINUED >>>>>

 

[Olyon]

Definately interesting.

Though this fic does contain unoriginality in many respects; the alarm clock (and its demise), the weeping mother, the lack of father, the items and the destination and setting, you've manage to redeem it all with the fact of Brian's goal. When readers see he wants to become a Gym Leader and not a Pokemon master, we are immediately drawn in and the story finds a whole new meaning despite some unoriginal moments.

What I loved most was how you dived straight in with that letter, it is a real hook and it definately drew my attention into the story. Much praise for that, very well done.

I haven't met you before so I don't know how you work; but I have a gut feeling that this fic will go unfinished. It would be very nice if it didn't, I don't think I've ever read a finished journey fic.

Your writing style is good. You put in enough description and you write and phrase things really well, the grammar was very good. My only moan about this first chapter is how quickly it went by. To be honest, in my opinion, the whole chapter should have taken a lot longer and perhaps more should have happened, especially in terms of Brian's emotions - there's nothing wrong with a small tear every now and again.

I was a little confused as to why he was heading towards Birch's lab, and then just completely forgot about it and left. Not only that, but he's heading out into the wild and for protection, he has a spotty egg. A little unconvincing, and I'm beginning to think it will conveniently hatch as soon as he enters the wild or at least before he encounters a wild Poochyena or whatever. However, having said that, if you decide to pospone the egg's hatching until he reaches the next city or whatever, therefore subjecting him to the dangers of the wild without decent protection - I'd say it would make a far more interesting plot. But it is of course, up to you waht happens, you're the writer, we're the readers.

I have a very confident guess on what is inside that egg, very confident. Judging from your avatar and two pics in your sig, and even your username you seem to like the Bulbasaur line - or at least Venasaur. The egg is a pale blue, with green spots, the colours of a Bulbasaur. To be honest, I think you've given your game away and the reader's interest in that egg will drop quite a bit considering the evidence. However, yet again, it would be very interesting if a Bulbasaur didn't hatch out of the egg.

Sorry, I'm suggesting too much XD no need to take them into account.

Very enjoyable chapter, I do love a good journey fic and this is looking promising. I think I'll rate it once the second chapter is up, but for now, I'd give it a good four stars. Great job!

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Mmmm, I like! Sufficient description (though more would be acceptable), excellent punctuation, grammar and spelling, original and interesting plot line... and nice dialogue, too. ^^ Very nice dialogue.

Mrs Bushel was a nice touch. You can get a feel for her personality even in the minimal time we see her for. But the egg? It seemed slightly too abrupt. Then again, no need to drag things out. You did a great job with the whole scene.

From Brian, I'm not getting as much personality as I'd ahve liked, but I suspect that will be rectified in future chapters so I'll not go on about it now. I feel quite confident that your characters will be memorable and personable. You've certainly shown a flair for that already!

The only thing I really want to see worked on is the length. I reckon you could make it at least twice as long. Don't do it if it will cramp your style, but I do prefer chapters a bit longer than this.

Apart from that, excellent work all over. Lovely start. Could you PM me when the next chapter goes up? Thanks!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[Silawen]

Hmm, interesting.

First off, I like the letter idea. The Gym leader aspect is also believable and original, so that's good.

What I didn't like as much, though, is that it's such an average beginning. Boy wakes up through an 'interesting' alarm clock, speaks briefly with his mother, gets his pokémon and moves away to begin his pokémon journey. Yes, the pokémon is subtituted with the pokémon egg, but it's basically the same.

I'm assuming, since he's fourteen and carries only a pokémon egg, that he has other pokémon. Why then did he not leave at age eleven? I'm also a bit confused about the ending. He saw and moved for Professor Elm's lab but then decided to go back to his house? This move also supports that he has no pokémon yet, in which case he's three years late.

It's, though it has nice twists, a bit generic.
Oh, and an alarmclock that explodes - and thus waking the entire town - can't be very popular or long-lasting.

And, yes, as Olyon said, which pokémon is in the egg is a bit predictable, though I'm sure you're going to change it now. Good luck!

 

[Venasaur]

Author's note: I've also noticed a few things about this fic that is basically a cookie cutter of hundreds of others, but it's my first fanfiction. Or rather, the first one that I'll actually finish. (Hopefully) The first few chapters are a little... bleh, I know, but they'll get longer and actually have substance. Same goes for the characters. Just please bear with me. And, feel free to comment and remark and all of that good stuff. Either PM me or write it here or whatever. I'm glad to see that people are taking an interest in this story! I'll do my best to keep you entertained! Now back to the story!


CHAPTER TWO: It's A Start!



Brian looked at the polished wooden door:

LITTLEROOT TOWN POKEMON LABORATORY
PROFESSOR: BIRCH​

"Hmmm... I guess this is the place," Brian thought to himself as he put a hand to the shiny handle. As he opened the door, Brian thought he heard voices inside. He listened again. It was a girl screaming! Brian threw the door open and sprinted down a narrow hallway lined with doors. As he neared the end of the hallway, he saw a door with a pane of glass for a window. He could see the shadows of a girl backing away from a large man.

Brian tried the handle. It twisted easily as he burst into the room. Glancing around, Brian saw a girl backed into a corner, still screaming her head off. There was a small, green Pokemon at her feet. The man was trying to calm the girl down. "You see, May? It won't hurt you. Treecko is one of the gentlest Pokemon that I have..." he said calmly.

"I- DON'T- CARE!" the girl yelped. "IT’S A CREEPY DISGUSTING LIZARD!"

The man sighed and returned the Treecko to its Pokeball.His beard was trimmed neatly and accented his full face. His lab coat drooped lazily and instead of pressed slacks and a dress shoes, he wore field shorts and sandals. As he turned back towards a table with two Pokeballs on it, he spied Brian and grinned broadly. "Brian!" he boomed. "Nice to see you!"

"Hey, Professor," Brian said, walking into the room.

"May, this is Brian, the boy I was telling you about." Prof. Birch gestured to Brian. May looked Brian up and down and backed away from the Wood Gecko Pokemon that gazed up at her.

"So, you're the one who wants to be a gym leader," she said.

"Yup, that's me!" grinned Brian proudly.

"Well, I'm going to train lots of Pokemon to become the greatest Champion this world has known! Hahaha!" May laughed.

"You won't get very far if you're afraid of Pokemon," Brian teased.

"Now, you two. Don't get too ahead of yourselves. There will be plenty of arguing after you pick your Pokemon." Prof. Birch said. "May, you still have to pick your Pokemon, so hurry!"

"Okay, okay," May grumbled. She walked over to the table a picked up a Pokeball. "Hmmm... this one feels like a winner." She threw it. With a flash of light, a small, orange Pokemon appeared.

'Torchic' it chirped. It hopped over to May and looked up at her with large, brown eyes.

"Awww..." May gushed, stooping over to pick it up. “It's so cute!"

Torchic looked at May. 'Tor!' it growled, and pecked her on the forehead.

"Ouch!" yelped May. She dropped Torchic and it snorted a puff of smoke at her. "Professor Birch, do you have any Pokemon that aren't creepy and don't peck?" May asked, rubbing her head.

The Prof. returned Torchic and grabbed the other Pokeball off of the table. "Well," he said. "this is the last one, so if you don't like it..." He held the Pokeball and said "Go! Pokemon!" FLASH! The light materialized into a blue Pokemon with orange fins on its cheeks.

'Mud? Kip?' It looked around and sniffed Brian. It shook its head and sneezed. Then it waddled over to May and sat down in front of her feet and went to sleep.

"Awww... I choose this one, the Mudkip." May decided.

"All right,then, May." said Prof. Birch. "Now, Brian, which Poke-"

"The Treecko," Brian cut in. "I want the Treecko."

Prof. Birch didn’t look surprised. "I should have known. Treecko it is. Great! Now you two need your Pokedexes and some Pokeballs." He turned to the table and opened a drawer. He took out a red device and a handful of small collapsed Pokeballs and handed them to the two young Trainers.
"Now, when you see a Pokemon, hold the Pokedex out like this..." He pressed a button and the cover flipped open, revealing a small screen with many buttons on it. "And Pokedex will scan the Pokemon and record it's data. If you catch more than seven Pokemon at a time, Put the collapsed Pokeball with the recently caught Pokemon here..." He showed them a small hole near the screen. "And it will be sent here. Any questions?"

May raised her hand. "Uh, Professor? When is the Pokemon League Championship going to be held?"

"Well, May, go to Oldale Town. The Nurse Joy there will eplain everything. Now, off you go. Into the world of Pokemon!"

"Bye Professor!" May and Brian waved to Prof. Birch as he shut his laboratory door. "Well, now that we got that out of the way, we can get on with our journey!" May said cheerily, keeping up with Brian and his new Treecko, who bounded ahead with Mudkip.

"What?" Brian blinked.

"Our journey," May said. "We are going together, aren't we?"

"Well..." Brian stalled. He remembered promising his mother that he would find someone to partner with when he started his Pokemon Journey.

"Well what?" May asked. "Are we buddies or aren't we?" Brian looked at her for a minute. He felt in his heart that this would work out, and Mrs. Bushel always said: "If your heart says to do it, then you do it. No buts about it.” He smiled as he felt the egg in his pack glow, as if pushing him to say it.

"Okay, we're friends," he said, putting out his hand. "Great," said May, shaking it.


<<<TO BE CONTINUED>>>

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

O.O How can ANYONE not find Treekco adorable? Yah, so I actually like geckos (despite the fact that they get in the house, poop and cluck at absurd times) and reckon anything that borders on 'gecko-dom' pretty much gotta be cute. ^^;;;;

...moving right along now!

I like the way your characters are actually characters - really defined personalities. Sure, May did seem like the stereotypical female ditz, but as long as you don't have her completely clueless, it shouldn't be too bad. ^^

The rest of the fic seemed rather standard, though. Yah, kids get their first pokemon from the professor. It's been done. Hopefully next chapter will bring something new and interesting? Or at least something old but done in an interestng way? ^^ Meh. I have confidence that you're capable of doing great thigns with this. With just a bit more description, length to each chapter, excitement and originality, this coudl be a masterpiece. Great work so far!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[Venasaur]

CHAPTER THREE: THE CRYBABY AND THE ATTACK OF THE MYSTERIOUS LILLYPAD!


It's been two days since Brian and his new friend May set out on their Pokemon Journey. They were having a great time, laughing and talking as they walked through a meadow on their way to Oldale Town. The sun was bright and the air was fresh. But, there was one problem...

"Where are all the Pokemon?" May whined. "The way everyone talks, the roads are covered with Pokemon!"

Brian shook his head. "You have to be patient, May," he explained, "and actually look. You've just been walking around without looking. If you look with your instinct instead of your eyes, you might find something."

"Okay..." May rolled her eyes. "Let's just say that I believed you. Then I would look over here..." She looked behind a rock. "or over here..." she parted a clump of grass and let out a shriek. She stood up and pointed at the clump. "The-the-there's a Pokemon over there!"

"It is? Where?" Brian looked to where she pointed. A small pink Pokemon cowered in fear at the sight of the two Trainers. It whimpered pitifully and stared at May with beady black eyes.

"What is it?" May said while taking out her Pokedex.

<Whismur. The Whisper Pokemon. This timid Pokemon's voice is very quiet. However, when it is hungry or frightened, its voice can become earshattering.> The Pokedex informed with a polite tone.

"Oh, how cute!" squealed May. "I'm gonna catch it! Go! Mudkip!" She threw the Pokeball with Mudkip in it near Whismur.

'Whisma?' It squeaked. The Pokeball burst open with a flash of light, startling Whismur and making it squeal.

Mudkip stood near May, ready for the command that she would give it. "Mudkip! Use Tackle!"

'Mud...Kip!' Mudkip took a flying leap and slammed into Whismur, knocking it down. Whismur's eyes teared up and it opened it's mouth.

'WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!' it screeched. Brian and May yelled in pain and held on to their ears.

"What's that?" Brian yelled over the noise.

"It's Whismur! I don't know what its doing! Mudkip! Use Mud Slap!" Mudkip sprayed water on the ground, throwing up mud on Whismur. Whismur stopped crying and held its breath. Then it glowed blue and released its breath in a powerful blast, knocking Mudkip away. "What the-" May started. Whismur stayed blue and emmited more blasts, causing an uproar.

"That's an Uproar, I think. It's a powerful attack." Brian informed her. Mudkip tried to get close to attack it, but it was thrown back again and again. Suddenly, Whismur stopped glowing and calmed down. Then it yawned and collapsed, fast asleep.

"Ummm.... that was interesting, May said slowly, releasing her ears and grabbing a Pokeball from her belt. "Whismur is mine!" She threw the Pokeball at Whismur and crossed her fingers. The ball hit Whismur and digitized it into a mass of red energy, which was sucked into the Pokeball. It snapped shut and wriggled once... twice... then stopped. May went over and picked up her Pokball.

"Yay! I caught a Whismur!" she crowed triumphantly. Brian shook his head.

"I don't want to say I told you so, but..." he chuckled.

"Oh, you're just jealous because I caught a Pokemon and you didn't!" May shot back. They went back and forth for about an hour when a thunderous boom silenced their argument.

They looked up towards the sky, and ran for cover when they spotted the dark rainclouds above them. Finding a hollow cave near a pool of water, they rushed in as the swollen clouds released torrents of water from the sky. As they watched the rain fall in sheets, Brian released his pokemon. 'Treecko!' It cried happily. It snuggled up close to Brian.

"Hey, that's a good idea!" said May. "Come on out!"

'Kip!'

'Whisma?'

"Are you hungry?" she asked. Mudkip and Whismur looked at each other and nodded excitedly. They scrambled over May as she reached into her pack and pulled out a jar of Pokemon Food.

May spent the next few minutes feeding her Pokemon as Brian looked up Pokemon in the Pokedex. "Hmm... I wonder..." He thought aloud.

"What?" May asked, accidentally drooping some food on top of Mudkip. Whismur happily ate it.

"The Pokedex says here that Lotad come out when it rains, so that means..." Brian brushed himself off and stood up.

"Where are you going?" May asked.

"To find a Pokemon," Brian answered. "C'mon, Treecko." Treecko tagged along behind its trainer as they left the dry safety of the cave.

May sat there, confused. Returning her Whismur, she took an umbrella from her bag and ran after Brian. "Wait up!" she called. She spotted him near a small lake not far from the cave. He was looking at the water, as if waiting for something. May opened the umbrella and held it over Brian. "Look, if this is about me getting a Pokemon before you, then..." she was interrupted when Mudkip dove into the lake. "Oh, Mudkip! Get back here!" Mudkip jumped playfully, splashing May. "I'm serious," she warned. "if you don't get back here..." Mudkip saw a bunch of lilly pads and swam over to them. Sniffing one, it dove and came up with a root. After it gulped down the tasty treat, Mudkip spied a lilly pad that was larger than the rest.

"Mudkip!" May scolded. Eyes sparkling, it raced over to the lilypad and took a bite. Suddenly,the lillypad moved! Mudkip jumped and quickly swam towards May. "C'mon, Mudkip! Swim faster!" May coaxed. Brian remained quiet, waiting for something to happen. The lillypad came at Mudkip faster and faster, until it was almost even with it. Brian heard a burbling noise over the loud splashing of the water.

"Treecko! Jump in there with a Pound Attack!" Brian said.

'Tree...Ko!' Treecko cried as it did a somersault into the water behind Mudkip, striking the lillypad before flying on a nearby rock. The lillypad sank slowly, but soon resurfaced again.

"What kind of lillypad is that?" yelled May as she ran to pick up Mudkip, shaking and scared for its life.

"That's not a lillypad," said Brian. "it's a Pokemon!" As soon as Brian said the word 'Pokemon', a jet of water erupted from the water near the lillypad and was aimed at Treecko, who jumped out of the way just in time. Treecko did another somersault into the water, this time smacking the lillypad out of the water onto the shore. With a gasp, May and Brian realized what the lillypad actually was...


<<<<<TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Mmm. Interesting. ^^ It's not often you see a Whismur in fics - so slick work for actually getting one in! My only complaint is that it was May who caught it. She's almost adopting the roles of both 'token female' and 'token lesser trainer only in the fic to highlight the better trainer's betterness'. Her lack of skills and knowledge really annoy me. It seems almost cruel of her parents to let her out alone. Not to mention her first capture was something whiny and cute - just like she's turning out to be. (Oh, and I'm surprised at how quickly the Whismur accepted May... the thing was scared witless when it first encountered them - surely some of that fear and distrust would remain? If not, wouldn't the Brian and May be surprised at its ready acceptance of life as a trained pokemon?)

Anyway... I like the way you had them release their pokemon for companionship in the cave. It strikes me as a much more personal approach to pokemon traning than you see in a lot of fics these days. However, I would have liked to see a bit more interaction there. Mebbe a bit more time cuddling and petting would be in order? I suppose I'm looking for the pokemon's personalities to be develope that bit more.

... Are Brian and May really that clueless not to recognise a potential Lotad? I mean, it was kinda obvious to the reader - wouldn't it be obvious to them as well? Meh, ah well.

Overall, great work. I'm being picky here, cause you can handle it... which IS a compliment.. in a funny kina way... ^^;;

Anyway, good luck for next chapter! ^^ Have fun!

Piney.
;204;;324

 

[Venasaur]

Chapter Four: It's an Emergency!!!


"That's a Lotad!" Brian gasped in awe.

"A what?" May asked. Brian pulled out his Pokedex and pointed it at Lotad.

<Lotad. The Water Weed Pokemon. This Pokemon lives by floating atop water and collects water and sunlight in the leaf on its head. If the leaf on its head dies, this Pokemon grows weak.>

"So, is it a Water or a Grass Pokemon?" May said, looking confused.

"It's both," Brian answered. "It can use water attacks like Water Gun and grass attacks like Mega Drain! The perfect Pokemon for an up-and-coming Grass Gym Leader like me," he continued.

"Up- and -coming?" May said skeptically, shifting her umbrella to her other hand and holding Mudkip.

"Just let me show you what I can do," Brian shot back. "Treecko! Use Pound!" Treecko rushed at Lotad and swatted it with its tail. Lotad went flying into a tree, making some leaves shake off onto the ground. Lotad shook its head and fired a jet of water at Treecko.

"Treecko! Look out for it's Water Gun!" cried Brian. 'Treecko!!' Treecko yelped as it was blasted down by icy cold water.

"That's a powerful Water Gun!" exclaimed May. 'Mud!' Mudkip agreed.

"That's because of the rain," Brian said, gritting his teeth. "It powers up water attacks. Treecko! Another Pound!" '

Treeeeee...Ko!' Treecko did a flying leap and came down on top of Lotad. 'Lotad!' it squeaked before rolling over and closing its eyes.

"All right!" cheered May, jumping up and almost slipping in the rain.

"It's not over," Brian commented. "Look:" Lotad grunted and flashed blue several times. Then it sat up and growled at Treecko. Brian balled his hands into a fist and narrowed his eyes at Lotad. "That's it's ability, Rain Dish. It restores it's health while it's raining, making it very hard to beat."

Lotad reared on its hind legs and charged at Treecko, who side-stepped and slapped Lotad with its tail. Lotad jumped up and slapped the ground. "Oooh, you're mad, aren't you?" taunted Brain. 'Lotad! It growled.

"Treecko! Hit it with an Absorb attack!" Treecko and Lotad jumped forward and rushed at each other. As they connected, a red glow of energy enveloped both of them.

'Treecko!' Treecko gritted its teeth and tried to topple Lotad. 'Lotad!' Lotad gritted its teeth and strained against Treecko.

"What's happening?" May gasped.

"They're both using Absorb! Their draining the same energy from each other!" Brian said helplessly. Lighting bolts streaked across the sky and thunder boomed as the two Pokemon stood fast and held their ground. After a few minutes, Lotad stumbled and collapsed. Treecko stood there for a second, triumphant, until it too crumpled to the ground and fainted.

"Treecko!" Brian rushed to his Treecko and picked it up, trying to revive it.

"Brian," May said, running over to him and shaking his arm. "Lotad! Quick- before its Rain Dish kicks in..."

"Not yet, I have to help Treecko!" Brian yelled. "Oldale Town isn't far from here, let's go!" They sprinted to the cave and gathered their packs, with May recalling her Pokemon and stopping to pick up Lotad. They ran as fast as they could, while the rain pounded the ground.

Suddenly, Brian tripped and went flying face- down into the ground. Treecko shuddered in his arms. "Hang on, Treecko! We're almost there..." he reassured. May stopped to see if he was okay, but he just nodded and they kept going.

Finally, out of breath, they saw the glow of the city lights ahead. As they ran, May noticed something strange about one of the trees. It was smaller than all the rest, and it shifted slightly as they approached, as if waiting for them. Before they went past it, the tree reached up and pulled on its branches, revealing a small boy wearing dark robes. Brian and May skidded to a halt, shocked. "Hah! Puny Trainer! I am Ken! A ninja in training! Feel the fury of my attack! I challenge you to a Pokemon Battle!" He bowed gracefully and brandished a Pokeball.

"Not now," Brian breathed. "My Treecko is in trouble, it was in a fight with a Lotad, and they knocked each other out! I need to get to the Pokemon Center right away!"

"Ah!" Ken said, pointing his finger in the air. "I know a shortcut! Just follow me!" Brian and May looked at each other.

Brian whispered "I don't know, he seems a bit... full of it."

"Yeah, but if he knows the way to the Pokemon Center, it'll be better than walking around in circles!" May whispered back. Treecko and Lotad groaned in pain.

Brian sighed. "Okay, we'll follow you."

"Great!" Ken said. He led them through a thick forest of trees where the rain hadn't touched the ground, making the ground spongy and dry. "This way... left... now right...another right..." Ken repeated to himself as they moved deeper and deeper into the forest.

Finally, after minutes of wandering through the forest, they came upon the back of a building. There was a dumpster and a few old boxes soaked with water. "This is the back of the Pokemon Center," Ken informed them. "The city mappers had built the Center at the other side of town for some reason, and that makes it harder for trainers with injured Pokemon." Brian nodded and the ran around to the other side of the building.

Nurse Joy was standing near the door, preparing to close up for the night. May rapped on the door to get Nurse Joy's attention. "Nurse Joy!" she called. "Open up! It's an emergency!" Nurse Joy whirled around and gasped. Then she ran to the door and pressed a button. The doors slid open, allowing the young trainers inside.

Nurse Joy looked at Brian and asked what was the matter. Brian told his story about the big battle with Lotad, and how his Pokemon's energy was severely drained. Nurse Joy checked Treecko and Lotad. "Hmm..." she said.

"Looks like Post-Energy Deprivation Shock. That's when a Pokemon's health is drained by another Pokemon's moves, such as Leech Seed, Giga Drain, or Absorb. If the Pokemon is exposed to the drain long enough, it's body can't regain the health it lost. It's a very serious condition, and you're very lucky that Treecko and Lotad are Grass types, or it would be much worse." She turned to a Chansey that showed up while she was speaking. "Chansey, Severe Energy Drain. Get these Pokemon in Intensive Care!"

Chansey nodded and pulled up a stretcher, and wheeled the two Pokemon out on it. Brian went to the waiting room as Ken and May left their Pokemon with Nurse Joy. Brian leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Nice job, Sceptile!" Brian looked at his Pokemon with admiration. "You've grown stronger!"

'Sceptile!' It crowed.

A trainer who looked about twenty years old suddenly appeared behind him. "Hey, kid. Wanna have a two-on-two Pokemon battle?" he challenged, pulling out two Pokeballs.

"Sure," Brian said.

"All right then, GO!" the trainer yelled. Flash!Flash! With a few snaps and a burst of light, the trainer's Pokemon were revealed. A Blaziken and a Linoone! Brian released his Ludicolo. Sceptile stepped forward and the match began.

"Blaziken! Flamethrower" cried the trainer.

'Blaze!' it screeched as it blew flames from it's mouth.

"Sceptile! Dodge and use Dragonbreath! Ludicolo, use Hydro Pump!" Brian directed. Sceptile blew greenish flames at Linoone, who was paralyzed and knocked out. Ludicolo took a deep breath and fired a twisting jet of water, blowing away Blaziken.

"AHHH! MY POKEMON!" the trainer wailed.

"Sorry, but no badge. Better luck next time!" said Brain, returning his Pokemon and walking away.

"Brian! Snap out of it!"

"Wha-?" Brian jumped up, startled. He looked around and saw Ken and May standing in front of him.

"Are you okay?" asked May.

"Oh, I'm fine," muttered Brian.

"You should get some rest," Ken said, looking at the clock.

"Okay," moped Brian.

The sun was warm on Brian's face as he turned over in his sleep. "Solarbeam attack," he muttered in his dream. Something prodded him in his side. He grunted loudly and turned over. He was prodded again. He groaned and stuffed his face into his pillow.

Suddenly, he was doused with cold water. Sputtering, he leaped out of bed. Seeing a flash of green, he noticed that Treecko was on the bed. "Treecko!" he called happily, running back to the bed.

'Lotad?' he heard. He looked over. It was Lotad! It grinned and jumped on the bed.

"Lo- Lotad?" Brian said, not believing what he saw.

'Lotad!' It said excitedly.

"Are you- saying that you want to be my Pokemon?" asked Brian. Lotad jumped up and sprayed him with more water, and Brian laughed.

Later that day, Brian and May were thanking Nurse Joy when Ken came up behind them. "Ahem!" he coughed.

"Oh! Our battle!" Brian remembered.

"A battle? I'll referee!" sang Nurse Joy.

Brian and Ken stood near each other in front of the Pokemon Center, each holding a Pokeball in his hand. The wind rustled the leaves in the trees as they threw their Pokeballs. "Go! Lotad!"

"Go! Nincada!" FLASH! FLASH!

"Nincada?" Brian said, holding up his Pokedex. <Nincada. The Trainee Pokemon. Nincada is a Pokemon that possesses great potential, even though it hasn't reached full strength. It lives by sucking on tree roots as it awaits evolution.>

"Nincada! Use Leech Life!" Ken said.

"Not so fast!" Brian shot back. "Lotad, use Water Gun!"

'Lotad... Lolololo!' burbled Lotad as it sprayed water from its mouth. Nincada dodged it by going underground.

"Where did it go?" asked Brian.

"Ninja secrets... Nincada! Now!" Nincada burst out of the ground, striking Lotad hard.

"Lotad! Use Water Gun!" said Brian quickly.

"Nincada, use Endure!" said Ken, even faster. Nincada glowed red as the Water Gun hit it, but it didn't faint. "Nincada, use Silver Wind!"

'Cada!' it cried.

Nincada's body glittered silver as it fired ribbons of energy at Lotad, who was hit and severely injured. "Lotad, are you okay?" called Brian. Lotad struggled to its feet.

'Lo...' it groaned. "Finish it! Use Leech Seed!" yelled Brian. Lotad reared up on its hind legs and threw its body down, flinging out seeds that planted themselves on Nincada. Suddenly, vines snaked out and wrapped themselves around Nincada, sapping its energy away with every second.

"It's over," Nurse Joy called. "Lotad and Brian are the winners!" May cheered as Brian shook Ken's hand.

"That was a fine battle, looks like I have some more training to do!" lauged Ken.

"Where are you all headed off to?" Nurse Joy asked.

"May and I are heading out to Petalburg City," Brian informed her.

"I'll stay in the forest for a while and train my Nincada," said Ken.

"Well, until next time!" said May. "Goodbye! Thanks for all of your help!"

Nurse Joy and Chansey and Ken waved goodbye as Brian and May took off down the path. Though they leave each other now, Our friends know that they'll see Ken again someday. And, until they do, they can only wish the best for him on his journey.


<<<<<TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>

 

[Venasaur]

CHAPTER FIVE: Save the Swablu!


Petalburg City. At least, that's what the welcome sign said when Brian and May finally reached it two uneventful days later. As they looked at the sign, Brian got a sudden urge. May knew exactly what he was thinking: FOOD! They rushed to the Pokemon Center Cafe, famished as a Snorlax . As Chansey came to fill their orders, Brian ordered two hamburgers, half of a pepperoni pizza, a plate of pasta, a bowl of rice, an orange, one slice of apple pie, and a nice cool glass of lemonade. I would say what May had, but I don't have the time or the stomach to tell you.

Anyway, the two stocked up on food and were on their merry way to the PokeMart. The door slid open upon their arrival, and a friendly 'ding' sounded as they walked through. "Be with you kids in just a moment," a store clerk said cheerily. He turned his attention back to the young man who was impatiently tapping his fingers on the counter. "Now, what can I do for you today, sir?" asked the clerk.

"Well," the boy told him with a British accent, "me Swablu won't evolve, see, an' I need a Rare Candy to force it!"

"Uhh, I'm afraid I can't do that. Your Pokemon would be better off if you train it and take care of it, not force it to do something it doesn't want to do. And, besides, you can't purchase Rare Candies in stores," pointed out the clerk.

"What?" roared the boy, "Don't feed me that rubbish about trustin' an' love! I need a strong Pokemon now, whether it's ready or not!" The boy whirled around and stormed out of the building, bumping into Brian as he went past.

"Hey!" called Brian. "Just who do you think you are!" The boy stopped and turned slowly around.

"Me name's Damien, punk. I'm a great Pokemon trainer and battler! Don't mess with me, or you'll regret it," Damien growled. He eyed May and blew a kiss. "Hey there, sweetheart! Why don't you leave your little boyfriend and come with me?"

"Please," May spat. "I'd rather sit on a Cacturne than go with you!"

"Whoa! All right, then, sweety. Suit yourself," Damien laughed.

"What a jerk," May grumbled as Damien swaggered out of the PokeMart. Brian looked at May suspiciously.

"Would you really sit on a Cacturne?" he teased.

"Oh, shut it!" May said as they purchased some items: Pokeballs, Potions, Antidotes, Pokemon Chow, a Pink Bow, (A real bargain, according to May. Brian didn't think so; it was his money) and some Repel. They thanked the cashier and were on their way out when May heard a group of kids laughing. Not wanting to miss the fun, they jogged around the PokeMart to see what the fun was.

As they rounded the corner, May gasped at what she saw. About four guys were standing around in a circle, kicking a Swablu! It cried out in pain as each boy took a swing. In the middle of this was Damien, in an obvious rage as he was kicking Swablu the hardest. "Worthless piece of rubbish!" he yelled. "Why don't you evolve! I spent a fortune on you, so you'd better do something!" With each word, he kicked Swablu harder and harder.

'Swablu!' it chirped weakly, gasping for air.

As Damien pulled back his leg for another kick, May forced her way into the ring of boys. "Stop this! Right now!" she pleaded.

"Why, aren't you that girl from the PokeMart?" He asked innocently. "Why, you sure are!" The other boys in his gang roared with laughter.

"It's not funny! You could have killed the poor little thing! Shame on you!" scolded May.

"Boo hoo! You're breaking me heart!" joked Damien. "Next you're gonna tell me that abandoning my Charmander long ago was wrong, too!"

Brian stepped in the circle. "You did what! What a disgrace! You're not a Trainer at all, you're just a little kid with no hopes and dreams," said Brian sternly.

"Watch it kid, or I'll let you have it..." Damien warned. May stepped forward and picked up Swablu.

"I'm taking Swablu," she announced.

"No you're not, it's staying right here where it belongs, with me" Damien replied.

"With you? It'll be safer in the jaws of a hungry Gyrados than with you," Brian shot back.

"I've got an idea," suggested Damien. "We'll battle for it: me and Petey over there," he nodded at a guy across from him, " against you two. Winner gets the Swablu and the girl," he said with a sly grin.

"All right, we accept you challenge!" May responded. The Trainers took their places and prepared their Pokeballs.

"Go!" Damien yelled, throwing an Ultra Ball.

"Hiya!" Petey grunted, tossing a Great Ball. Flash!Flash!

'Torchic!' 'Zigoon!' the Pokemon cried as they danced in anticipation.

"Go! Whismur!" May shouted. Brian grabbed Treecko's Pokeball and threw it. Flash!Flash!

'Whisma!' 'Treecko!' they screamed.

"Let's do this!" Damien yelled, and the match began.



<<<<<TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

...whoah. I have to say that I thought the previous chapter was MUCH better than this one (though the inclusion of a Swablu is a redeeming factor, simply cause Swablus are awesomely cute. ^^; Whilst your other chapter showed the realistic development of characters (especially through the little 'Brian's dream' sequence), this chapter showed the rough insertion of a one-dimenional 'bully' character. Several points surrounding him simply don't add up.

Firstly - Swablus are dear little critters. Emphasis on the 'little'. If a human boy (or young man? You called him both but didn't clarify) was kicking a little bird like that 'as hard as he could', wouldn't it be dead? Or at least crippled and dying? Laws of common sense dictate that the force four boys could apply by kicking would be more than enough to shatter the little birdy's bones... instead it simply gasps for air. Kinda unrealistic IMO.

Secondly... they're fighting over May? They 'get' her? What's that supposed to mean? Get her as a travelling partner? In a date? If you're meaning anything more explicit, you should up the rating. And if you mean get her as a travelling partner... I don't buy it. What's she gonna do, just wander off with them? Wouldn't it be wiser to grab the bird and run to the nearest police officer and report them? It seems kinda silly that she'd agree to be 'got' by the winner. I know she's a ditz, but this is plain idiocy.

Thirdly... "Well," the boy told him with a British accent, "me Swablu won't evolve, see, an' I need a Rare Candy to force it!" ... Surely a guy queuing (sp?) at a legal counter wouldn't demand that? I mean, it's basically screaming 'Call the animal protection authorities down on me! Go on! I dares ya!' If he was trying to get something from the shop assisstant, wouldn't he want to seem like a nice, normal guy? Perhaps by phrasing his request something along the lines of "I'm after a Rare Candy. It's my Swablu, you see. It needs to level up to evolve and I don't have the time to train it to the next level." There. Nice, normal request.

Essentially, this whole plot twist seems rather unbelievable and almost shallow. Brian and May stand out too starkly as the heroes opposed to the stupid and unfeeling lowlife pokemon abusers. Remember, complexity and ambiguity helps to make a fic more real. I highly doubt that this 'Damien' character would be as one-dimensional as you're showing him. You did such a good job of characterisation in the first chapters - don't stop now!

Anyway, back to the previous chapter which I quite liked. Apart from the fact that Brian and May don't seem to shift from their roles as 'intelligent hero' and 'token ditz/female', I quite liked it. Oh, and just another point - Lotad don't learn Water Gun naturally. In fact, the only water moves they DO learn (though levelling up or TM) are Water Pulse, Rain Dance and Surf. Actually, Lotad CAN learn Water Gun... but only as an Egg Move. Hmph. This Lotad must have some peculiar heritage.

As I said, I liked the wistful thinking dream sequence. Nicely done. ^^ You played on the hopes and dreams of the characters quite well there - perhaps we'll be seeing more of that? Hope so.

Overall - I hope you'll return to your initial trait of superb characterisation. Leave the one-dimensional plot devices to make your characters look good alone. They're boring and annoying. And think as you write about what reaction any actions would realistically have. ^^ Apart from that, you're going well. Your fic has an almost lighthearted quality to it that I find really refreshing. ^^ Slick work. Keep it up!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[Venasaur]

CHAPTER SIX: And the Winner Is...

"Torchic, use Ember!" Damien commanded.

'Torchic!' It screeched as it shot bullets of fire from its beak.

"Treecko, dodge away and use Pound!" shouted Brian. Treecko jumped wildly to avoid the flames, dancing nearer and nearer to Torchic. Just as it swung it's tail around, Zigzagoon jumped in the way and was struck instead.

"Whismur, use your Pound, too!" May called to her Whismur. Whismur scurried and reached around to pound on Torchic, but Zigzagoon jumped in the way again! "What's going on?" said May, puzzled.

"They're using Zigzagoon to block our attacks so Torchic can attack our Pokemon when they get tired." Brian told her. "It'll have to wear out soon," assured May.

"Zigzagoon, Rest!" Petey commanded.

'Zigoon...' Zigzagoon was soon out like a light., sheilded in a blue aura.

"Wait..." said May, "If it can't sleep, then it can't rest... if it can't rest, then it can't regain health! Whismur, use Uproar!" Whismur glowed blue and fired its voice, waking up Zigzagoon from Rest.

"What!" roared Damien. "Torchic, use Flamethrower!" Torchic ruffled its feathers and fired a blast of flames that hit Whismur and Zigzagoon.

"Ahhhh! My Pokemon!" May and Petey said in unison as they rushed to their Pokemon. It was now up to Brian to stop Swablu's abuse. He took a deep breath.

"Nice job so far, Treecko," he praised.

"Yeah, nice job- but it stops here! Torchic, use Flamethrower!" Damien yelled.

'Tor!' Torchic screeched. Flames flew at Treecko and missed by inches.

"Not a bad move, too bad it didn't hit, though." Brian smirked. "Treecko, Use Absorb!"

'Tree...ko!' Treecko yelled as it flew towards Torchic, pinning it down and creating a glow of energy that surrounded both Pokemon. Treecko leaped away from Torchic, confident that the match was over. But, Torchic slowly got up.

"That's it, Torchic! Never let 'em see ya sweat!" yelled Damien.

Suddenly, Torchic started to glow white! It changed shape as it glittered and sparkled. "Oh, man," breathed Brian. Torchic had evolved into Combusken.

"Combusken?" May asked, taking out her Pokedex.

<Combusken. The Young Fowl Pokemon. This Pokemon has great speed and endurance. The flames it blows from its beak are intensely hot, and its legs can deal powerful kicks.>, the Pokedex said.

"Give up while you can," said Damien proudly. "Me Combusken was ready to evolve anyway, so you don't stand a chance."

"I'll never give up! Treecko, use Pound!" Brian growled. Treecko stood there, hesitant. Then, deciding that its trainer was right, it leaped forward and swung its tail around. Combusken lazily reached up and caught Treecko, and then threw it back down towards the ground.

"Oh, no!" gasped May.

"Combusken, use Seismic Toss!" yelled Damien.

'Busken!' it cackled as it raced towards Treecko at top speed, slamming it down as it leaped into the air, spinning round and round.

"Treecko, use your Absorb!" tried Brian.

'Treecko!' it called, enveloping Combusken with a reddish glow, draining its energy. The two Pokemon hit the ground with a thunderous crash, throwing dust into the air.When the dust cleared, Combusken was standing up, breathing very hard. Treecko lay there, struggling to get up.

"All right, then. I told you to give up, but you wouldn't listen. Now, you'll learn the hard way not to mess with me," Damien smirked. "Combusken, finish this with Focus Punch!" Combusken closed its eyes and its body started to glow red.

"Focus Punch?" Brian asked, taking out his Pokedex.

<Focus Punch. A Powerful Fighting move learned at a high level. If the user is hit while charging up, then it will flinch and the move will fail.> said the Pokedex.

"Treecko! You've got to get up!" called Brian. Treecko opened its eyes and slowly stood up.

'Treecko,' it said weakly.

"You don't stand a chance against Damien's Combusken, kid, so why don't you just give up?" laughed Petey.

"Because I trust in my Pokemon. No matter how strong my opponent is, there's always a weakness," Brian said, looking at Treecko. "My Treecko may not be evolved, but it can pack a powerful punch!"

"Whatever," Damien yawned. "Oh, well, time to wrap this up! Combusken- Focus Punch!"

'Combusken!' it screeched as its fist glowed white and it darted forward to Treecko.

"Treecko- you can do it! Leech Seed!" said Brian quickly. Treecko stared at the Combusken charging at it. It remained calm as it swung its tail at Combusken, letting loose seeds that arched gracefully into the air before landing on Combusken.

"It's not working!" cried May from the crowd of cheering boys.Indeed, it seemed that they weren't. Combusken kept on coming.

"Those wimpy things!" laughed Damien. "They won't do any-" his voice trailed off as Combusken, reaching Treecko, leaped high into the sky. Suddenly, the seeds burst open, and vines snaked out around Combusken, pinning its arms down to its sides.

'Combusk!' its voice cracked as it hit the ground with a thud. The seeds then began their job, sapping away Combusken's energy, making it cry out in surprise.

"Treecko, use Dragonbreath!" yelled Brian.

"Dragon what!?" screamed Damien in fury.

'Treeeeeee.....' Treecko inhaled deeply.

"Dragonbreath," smiled Brian as Treecko fired green flames, overwhelming Combusken and making it faint.

"What! You little... fine, take the stupid Swablu. It was weak anyway. But watch your back, because if I see you again... It won't be pretty," threatened Damien. "Let's go!" he called to his gang as they sauntered off.

"Good riddance!" yelled May after them.

"Treecko, are you okay?" asked Brian.

'Ko! Tree tree ko tree!' laughed Treecko.

"You were awesome, Treecko. Thank you," said May, petting Treecko on the head. Then she went over to Swablu and checked it.

"You're gonna be fine," she said as she took a Potion from her bag and sprayed Swablu.

'Blu! Swablu!' it chirped happily.

"That mean old Trainer will never bother you again," said May, taking it in her arms. "You're free to go now, anywhere you want to."

'Blu?' it said, tilting its head. May held up Swablu.

"You can go where you want, you're free! Fly!" she yelled as Swablu flapped its wings and took off, becoming smaller and smaller until it was a speck against the sky.

"You let it go?" Brian asked softly.

"The last thing that Swablu needed was a Trainer," May started. "I- I don't know. I just wanted it to be happy," she said at last.

"You're a great Trainer," said Brian, putting hand to her shoulder.

"I know," she replied. "And you're a great friend."

Later that evening, the two walked out of the Pokemon Center. Stretching his arms, Brian said, "There's a Gym around here somewhere... I can't find it, though."

"What?" May asked, nervously.

"A Gym," Brian said, waving a hand in front of her face. "Hello, earth to May! We need badges to compete in the Regional Pokemon League Competetion, Nurse Joy said so."

"Yeah, but the Gym here isn't the first Gym, so we need to go to Rustboro City, because that's the first Gym, not this one," May rushed. She pulled Brian's collar and dragged him towards the edge of town. "Besides," she said, staring straight ahead, "there are lots of Grass Pokemon in the Petalburg Woods..."

"Really? Then what are we waiting for! Let's go!" Brian exclaimed. Hearing a noise, Brian looked around. "What was that," he asked nervously.

"It sounds like- a song," May said, peering around.

"It's getting closer..." Brian whispered.

'Swablu, swablu swa... blu... Swablu swablu swa... blu..." sang the voice.

"Wait," realized May. "That's- " something plopped on her head. It was-

"Swablu!" May said happily, looking up at the cotton wing bird. "What are you doing here?"

'Swab! Blu blu swablu!' It chirruped.

"I think it wants to go with us," Brian said, petting Swablu's wings.

"Is that true, Swablu? Do you really want to come along with us?" May asked Swablu.

'Swab!' it said decidedly, and settled down on May's head.

"All right!" yelled May. "Off into Petalburg Woods!"




<<<<<TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>

 

[Venasaur]

Another Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews! Sorry the chapters seem a bit rushed with seemingly no thought and detail... I wrote much of it last year. But, I promise, it'll get better! Actually, starting these next few chapters... I guess you'll have to read on and find out! ;003;


CHAPTER SEVEN: A Rocketing in the Woods!


The sun was shining brightly as our two friends trudged their way through the dense foliage of the forest. Taillow dipped and swooped high in the branches of the tall trees, chattering loudly. Wurmple were peeling the bark from trees and munching happily. Swablu slept peacefully on May's head, oblivious to the beauty of the area.

Taking a deep breath, Brian looked around. "Isn't this a perfect place for Pokemon?" he sighed.

"Yeah, right." grumbled May as she warily eyed the Bug Pokemon.

After a few minutes of walking, they stopped in front of a large tree that blocked the path. Its branches reached high into the canopy and swung in the cool afternoon breeze. Its trunk was old and dark, and its bark was peeling.

"What kind of tree is this?" Brian wondered out loud.

"You don't know? I thought you were the big Grass expert," May said suspiciously.

"Hey, I know some things, but not all." Brian apologized.

As they talked, some Pokemon resembling seeds dropped slowly from the branches and swung in the trees.

Suddenly, Brian thought he heard a strange noise. He looked at May. "Could you get Swablu to stop singing," he asked.

"Uhh, Swablu is asleep," May pointed to the small Pokemon on her head. "Then what was that..?" Brian wondered. May shivered.

"It's giving me goosebumps!"

The noise became more distinct, and was finally made out to be a flute. "Who would play a flute that sounded like that?" May asked.

"I don't know, but it is creepy," Brian agreed. Not knowing it, our friends have been distracted and are going in the wrong direction by listening to the haunting melodies of the flute. They wandered about, in circles around the tree, until the whistling became louder. It got darker, and then fear settled in.

"I'm scared," May whispered.

"Shhh... listen." shushed Brian.

The music seemed to be coming from the left. Brian turned and yelled at the sound. "Who are you? What do you want?" The bushes started to rustle, and out of them stepped a woman dressed like a Pokemon Ranger. Beside her was a small Pokemon with a rolled up leaf to its lips. The Pokemon was blowing into the leaf, making an eerie whistle.

"What's that?" said May, pulling her Pokedex from her pack.

<Nuzleaf. The Wily Pokemon. This Pokemon is the evolved form of Seedot. It lives in dense forests and frightens lost people and Pokemon by making a flute from the leaf on its head.>

"Ok, Nuzleaf, you can stop now," the woman said. Then she turned to Brian and May. "Aha! I've found the poachers, it seems like,'' she gloated. "and now I can turn them in!"

"Poachers?" May and Brian looked at each other.

"We're not poachers,'' May tried to convince the Ranger, "we're Pokemon Trainers! We just got lost, that's all." The woman looked at them with raised eyebrows.

"Here," said Brian. He handed the woman his Pokedex and pressed a button.

<I am an official Pokedex for a liscenced Pokemon Trainer. The Trainer who has me in his or her possession is gauranteed to have no criminal records or any other blemish on his or her part. Part three, chapter one of the Pokemon Trainer's Handbook, series six.> replied the Pokedex.

"Oh! I am so sorry," the woman said. "My name is Danielle, and this is my Nuzleaf." Nuzleaf bowed and grinned slyly. "We go around making sure that the Pokemon around here remain safe. I have Nuzleaf here use Grasswhistle to confuse poachers and drive them away."

"Why do you have to protect the Pokemon so heavily? Aren't they for capturing?" May asked.

"Well, it wasn't always this way," explained Danielle. "Several weeks ago Seedot and Shroomish have been disappearing more and more rapidly, and I was sent here to investigate. So far, I've found nothing but empty branches and logs."

"Huh?" said May.

"Seedot live on branches in trees, and Shroomish love fallen logs," Brian informed her.

"Oh," said May, looking up. "Like those things up there?" Brian and Danielle followed her gaze up into the branches. There were a few Pokemon resembling seeds swinging from the branches.

'Seedot!' they said in unison.

"Seedot!" cried Danielle happily. She ran up to the great tree and looked up. "Are you okay?" she called to the Seedot.

'Dot,dot seeeeeed!' they whined. "Okay, we'll get you down from there, okay?"

"How are we going to get them down from there?" May asked.

"I'm not really sure," admitted Danielle. "But we'll think of something."

As they tried to make a plan, they were being spied on. A trio of thugs peered from the bushes. A man with blue hair, a woman with long red hair, and a Meowth.

"Hmmm..." said the Meowth.

"What is it, Meowth?" asked the man. "I was tinkin'..." it started.

"Get on with it!" yelled the woman.

"Well, those Seedot there are very valuable Pokemon, and I was tinkin' that people would pay big bucks to own one," finished Meowth.

"Oooh! Meowth is right for once," agreed the man.

"James, you think all of Meowth's cruddy ideas are great," the woman yawned.

"But Jessie, this plan might actually work," whined James. "And besides: No twerps to deal with!"

Suddenly, a Pokeball burst open, revealing a very wobbly Pokemon.
'Wobbuffet!' it cried.

"Grrr... Get back in your ball and stay there!" screamed Jessie as she returned her Pokemon. "Well, as much as I hate to admit it, we don't have much of a choice," admitted Jessie. The three put their heads together and whispered out a plan.


"I know!" exclaimed Danielle.

"What?" said Brian and May together. "Nuzleaf, go up there and knock down the Seedot," commanded Danielle.

'Nuz!' Nuzleaf scrambled up the bark of the ancient tree and began to climb up. Just as it reached the branches, a mechanical claw reached out and grabbed Nuzleaf!

"What!? What's going on?" asked Danielle. Out of nowhere, laughter burst around them. A robot shaped like a giant bug catcher wheeled its way from behind the trees. There was a screen that revealed three characters.

"Who are you! Answer me!" yelled May.

"Or there'll be trouble!" added Brian.

"Trouble?" said the man, sitting to the right of the woman and Meowth.

"He said it!" said the Meowth gleefully.

"Prepare for trouble!" started the
woman.

"And make it double!" said the man.

"To infect the world with devastation, to unite all peoples within our nation. To denounce to evils of truth and love! To extend our reach to the stars above! Jessie! James! Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light, surrender to us now, for you'll surely lose the fight! Meowth! That's right!" they finished together, in a brilliant display of lights and color.

"Team who?" said May, turning to Brian.

"I'm not sure," replied Brian, rubbing the back of his head. "Maybe they're like Team Magma or something."

"Excuse me! We are nothing like Team Magma! How dare you!" screamed Jessie in a fury. "Let's go!" The robot lurched forward, smashing into the tree and making the ground tremble, throwing our friends to the ground. The more the tree shook, the more the Seedot swung, until they finally dropped.

Instantly, a net opened up from a compartment inside of the robot and scooped them up. "We have to stop them!" cried Danielle.

"Let's do this!" yelled May, throwing a Pokeball. FLASH!

'Whismur!'

"My turn," called Brian. "Treecko, stop them with Pound!"

'Treecko!' it said as it rushed from its Pokeball.

The two Pokemon rushed at the Robot, tackling it. But, nothing happened.

"Nope, not even a scratch!" laughed Meowth. "Now, let's go hunt for some Shroomish!" The Robot turned and rumbled away.

"Get em, Whismur! Sonicboom!" said May.

'Whis! MUR MUR MUR MUR!' boomed Whismur, throwing shockwaves at the Robot. Groaning and creaking, the robot turned and threw out a claw at Whismur and Treecko.

"No!" screamed May as Whismur and Treecko were dumped into the net along with Nuzleaf and the Seedot.

"Nice shot, Jessie!" said James.

"Really? And on my first try, too!" giggled Jessie.

"Go, Swablu! Use Take Down!" said May, throwing Swablu from her head.

Confused, Swablu woke up and yawned.

"What a cutie! I want that one!" squealed Jessie as the robot advanced on Swablu.

"Get out of the way!" yelled Brian. Swablu blinked sleepily.

'Blu?'

"No!" screamed May.

"Teddiursa, use Dynamic Punch!" called a voice.

'Ursa!' A small, brown, teddy-bear-like Pokemon leaped from the trees and swung a glowing fist at the robot. Startled, Team Rocket stopped.

"What was that?" said Jessie.

"Hmmm... Not sure, but I think it was a Pokemon," replied James.

"Let's catch it!" cried Meowth.

"Don't lay a finger on Teddiursa," said a boy, stepping out from behind the bushes. He wore a red jacket with matching shorts, and a hat turned backwards on his head. "I'm afraid you don't understand," he continued. "I'm from the Johto region, and you don't want to mess with me."

The robot paused for a minute. Then, it sprung to life and grabbed Teddiursa and Swablu. "Hey!" the boy yelled.

"I'm afraid you don't understand, little twerp," Jessie sneered. "We don't take no for an answer. Now that we have all that we can carry, we'll be leaving. Meowth, take us out of here."

"Right-o, Jess!" obeyed Meowth. The robot turned and began rumbling down the path.

"You won't get away with this!" Danielle growled, sprinting down the path. Just as Brian, May, and the boy were about to follow her, Brian's pack started to glow with a whitish light. As if in a trance, Brian slowly reached for his pack and unzipped it. The Pokemon Egg his friend Mrs. Bushel gave him was glowing brightly.

"What's that?" asked May.

"It's an egg my friend gave me," Brian answered.

"It's hatching," said the boy knowingly. Brian took the egg out and cradled it in his arms. The glowing that had started turned into flashing and sparkling, and the egg shaped into a Pokemon. After several seconds, the shape became a Pokemon.

'Bulba!' it cried. It stared at Brian for a moment, then inspected him with its vines that came from somewhere beneath its bulb. Then, satisfied, it nuzzled against Brian.

"That was cool," the boy said, amazed.

"Hey, I have an idea," said Brian.

"What is it?" May asked.

"Follow me," Brian said, and they ran down the path.

A few minutes later, they saw Danielle, out of breath. "Which way did they go?" May said. Danielle pointed a finger farther up the path.

"Let's go; Brian has an idea!" May exclaimed. As they ran, Brian talked to his new Pokemon.

"Okay, Bulbasaur," he said softly. "I know you may not understand this, but a group of bad people took away some Pokemon. We need your help." Bulbasaur looked at him but didn't say anything.

Finally, our heroes reached Team Rocket's robot. It wheeled and rolled its way through the trees, knocking some down as it went. Pokemon scattered to avoid being crushed. "Stop right there!" called Danielle. The robot stopped and turned slowly.

"You again? You can't be serious," said Jessie lazily.

"We have a secret weapon," smiled Brian as he put Bulbasaur on the ground.

"That's your weapon?" laughed Meowth.

"You'll see! Bulbasaur, use Solarbeam!" commanded Brian.

Bulbasaur looked at Brian and growled. 'Saur, bulba,'

"Oh, you don't know Solarbeam,'' said Brian sadly. Team Rocket burst into laughter, rolling about on the floor of their robot.

'Treecko!' Treecko called from the net.

'Bulba?' Bulbasaur seemed to ask, tilting its head.

'Nuzleaf! Leaf!' said Nuzleaf, pointing at its leaf.

''Bulba! Saur!' yelped Bulbasaur as it fired multicolored leaves from its bulb, cutting at at the net.

"A Razorleaf won't cut tru dis net!" laughed Meowth in glee.

"That's not a Razorleaf," informed Danielle. "That's a Magical Leaf. More powerful than a Razorleaf!"

"What?" screamed James as the net was torn to bits, releasing the Pokemon.

"That's it, now you're toast!" said the boy.

"Wait-- where's Whismur?" said May, panicked.

"Over there!" pointed Brian. Whismur was standing in front of the giant robot, its face twisted into a horrible sneer.

"Whismur?" said May. 'Muuuuuuuuur...' growled Whismur, as it glowed white. It changed shape and became bigger. Its small mouth and eyes were switched for a large, gaping jaw and angry, narrowed eyes.

'LOUDRED!' it bellowed.

"Whoa," gasped May, taking out her Pokedex.

<Loudred. The Big Voice Pokemon. It's voice has the capabilities of moving objects several times larger than itself. It becomes louder when it is angry.>

"Uh-oh..." said James, shaking nervously.

'Wobbuffet!' interrupted Wobbuffet, blocking everyone's view into the robot.

'LOUD!!! LOUD LOUD LOUD! DRED!' roared Loudred, sending shockwaves from its mouth at the robot.

With a horrible creaking noise, the robot tipped over, hitting to the ground with a mighty crash. Then, crackling with electricity, it blew up, sending Team Rocket sky high.

"Why does this always happen to us!" whined James as they sailed higher and higher.

"Well, Jimmy boy, we are losers," comfirmed Meowth.

"We aren't losers!" screamed Jessie. "We're just- Blasting off again!" Team Rocket disappeared in the distance with a twinkle.

"Woo-hoo!"

"Yeah!"

"That's it!" our heroes celebrated. Loudred suddenly growled and roared loudly. Covering their ears, nobody knew what to do but yell.

Nuzleaf took the leaf from its head and made it into a whistle. Blowing it with all of its might, it caught Loudreds attention.

'Loud?' it asked, tapping its foot. Then, to the beat of Nuzleaf's flute, it danced around the group.

"Thank you," breathed Danielle.

"Excuse me, May," said Danielle over the noise of the flute. "Yeah?" May answered.

"I've been thinking... Loudred would be a valuable Pokemon to my force; it can be an alarm to warn me of poachers in the area. Do you mind trading it?"

"Trade?" asked May. "Well...''

"That's a great offer, May. I would take it," said Brian.

"Okay," agreed May. "It's a trade."

"Great! I have a Portable Trading System in my bag. I'll set it up," Danielle exclaimed. As she set up a computer, May went over to Brian and the boy.

"I was thanking Alex here for his help," Brian informed her. "He's from the Johto region, and he's agreed to travel with us, if it's okay with you." May looked at Alex.

"Hey, cutie," she thought out loud.

"What?" said Alex.

"Uhh, I said yeah, sure," said May, blushing. "It's okay with me!"

"May, I'm ready now," called Danielle.

"All right,everyone. Return," May said returning her Pokemon to their Pokeballs. Brian and Alex did the same.

"Now, put the Pokeball with Loudred in it right here," Danielle instructed, pointing to a small tray. May followed the instructions, and Danielle put a Pokeball from her belt in the tray. The Pokeballs flashed and the screen showed Loudred crossing in front of another Pokemon. After several seconds, the computer sounded a tone. "Okay, we're done," said Danielle."Have fun with your new Pokemon!"

May held the Pokeball and tossed it. Flash!

'Skitty!' the Pokemon cried as it appeared from the Pokeball.

"A Skitty!" May cried. "I've always wanted one!"

"Well, now you have one," smiled Danielle.

After a few minutes of talking and laughing, Danielle decided that it was time to go. "Gotta take the Seedot back into the forest," she explained.

"Allright, then," said Alex.

"It was nice meeting you all! See you all later!" said Danielle, as our friends wave goodbye. Now, the sun sets on an exciting and eventful day as our heroes, along with their new friend Alex, take the road that will lead them to the first Gym in the Hoenn Region.

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

AAARRRRGH!!!!!! I reviewed the last chapter but it's not there anymore! >< Mebbe something happened. I remember at least typing it out... but I can't remember seeing it up, so possibly something during posting. Sorry! >< Erk. Please count this review as one for all the chapters since I've reviewed... the 'lost' review was more detailed for the chapter before this one, but I can't remember all of what I wrote... sorry. Anyway, on to the review!

Whoah. May's not only a fool but unemotional as well. How can anyone trade away the first pokemon they ever caught? Heh, she must be REALLY unattached to the thing. Poor Whismur. But more than that, WHAT KIND OF FOOL TRADES A POKEMON WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT THEY'D GET IN RETURN?! >< Argh! The stupidity!

And what was Brian thinking? He must truly despise May or at least be out to cripple her chances as a trainer. "That's a great offer, May. I would take it" what exactly was on offer? Neither of them had any idea what May would get in return. It sounds more like an offer to simply relieve may of one of her pokemon. Not to mention, Loudred was a provenly strong pokemon - to trade something like that away for a 'mystery' pokemon is just sheer stupidity. To advise someone to make that trade is completely cruel and immoral. ><

At this point in time, I REALLY don't like Brian - the whole fic seems to be focussed on making him look good compared to the others. He's not lost a single battle (even ones that he could not have realistically won), he's smarter than the others (May in particular and up till now she's been the only other significant character), he's got what look to be 00ber pokemon (what sort of Treecko could possibly take down a Combusken?), etc. It gets tedious and annoying to see the same character keep rising to new levels of 00berness. It frustrates readers to the point where they want to see the character taken down a peg or two.

There are still, however, elements of your fic that are really slick (or will be, once they're explained). The movesets for Treecko, Lotad and Bulbasaur for starters. All of them have unusual and cool Egg Moves - meaning that their parentage must be somewhat peculiar. With any luck, this will be explained greatly to your advantage. It would be interesting indeed to see how this works for his team. It's a sort of tie, unifying them. Original. Well done.

Another part is the pokemon involved - you have some of my favourites in here. Especially Treecko and Swablu. But I would like to see them developed a bit more. Pokemon sitting in their pokeballs are uninteresting. Let's see them out and about, interacting with each other and the trainers! Let's see a bit of their personalities! You did so well with characterisation in the first chapter. Use some of that skill here!

On a final note - May. She seems thoroughly ignored - just an accessory to make Brian look better. We see none of the way she thinks and feels. We see very little of her pokemon. And in the battle with Damien, when he first sent out his Torchic, she sent out WHISMUR! Yah, she's ditzy, but surely not THAT stupid. She's got a MUDKIP - a WATER type! Why on earth would she use a NORMAL type against a Torchic? (Then again, the whole Zigzagoon/Uproar thing WAS cool....)

Meh. Anything else you'd like critiqued? Any particular area you'd like more emphasis on when reviewed? If you don't have any preferences, I'll probably just keep doing these 'critique anything that comes to mind/stands out' reviews. For now, I hope this helps!

Anyway, I'll be looking to see more character development next chapter. You've certainly got the action side of things happening. ^^ Keep it up and have fun! Good luck for next chapter!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[Amphoroz_26]

Nice story, the whole 7 chapters were good. It was quite predictable that the egg would turn out to be Bulbasuar. Your a venusaur person, the description pointed to the Bulbasaur family, it was from Kanto, and he's a grass pokemon trainer, fairly obvious. The letter was very captivating and I coudn't stop reading until I found out who wrote the letter, Erika. She's a grass gym leader and in manga, a teacher in university, very good choice. The storyline was a bit to the anime side(Ash, May etc) especially when May got a Skitty and the dislike of Treeko. I like the drama and conflict in the story which was really captivating. I hope I get to see the end of this!
Rating: 8 out of 10 (very good!)

Amphy!

Amphoros rocks the world!

 

[Venasaur]

Amphoroz_26- Thanks! I'm glad you like the story so far... All of it up until now has been written last year, so now we'll get to the parts that I wrote THIS year, lol. I hope you keep reading!

Pinecone Tortoise- My best critic. I take all of what you say into consideration, believe it or not.After each of your reviews I go back and re-read the chapter(s) and then fix my mistakes in the upcoming ones that I am working on now... Character depth is a must, I agree... but as I said, I wrote this part(s) last year, when I didn't know much about writing. I only hope these next few chapters are to everyone's liking; I did some research and actually thought about what I was going to write. The chapters themselves are noticeably longer, as you will see, with some attempted depth in personality... for both Pokemon and Trainer alike. It may be a gradual thing, but it'll definitely happen. All in all, these next few chapters are a reflection of my growth as a writer (hopefully) and how I apply constructive critisism (hopefully again).

Thank you all for reading and for the reviews, and I will post the next chapter up soon!

---Venasaur;003;

 

[Venasaur]

Chapter Eight: A Rival Appears!


After a rather shaky experience in the Petalburg woods, our friends are well on their way towards the first step in becoming Pokemon Champions: Battling a Gym leader!

Of course, practice does make perfect…

“Come on, Cyndaquil!” Alex cheered. “You can do it! Ember attack!”

'Qui! Quiiiiiil!' Cyndaquil squeaked. The small fire-mouse Pokemon reared up on its hind legs as its spotted back erupted with crackling red and orange flames. From its mouth shot several glowing embers, which sizzled as they flew at Treeko.

“Treeko! Go right in there with a Quick Attack!” Brian cut in. Faster than anyone could see, Treeko zipped away from the embers, missing them by several inches, and shot towards Cyndaquil. As Treecko advanced, Cyndaquil whirled around, its back flaming. Treecko’s legs twisted around, causing it to trip over itself in distraction.

“Cyndaquil! Give it an Ember!” Alex called. Cyndaquil shook itself and fired more bullets of fire.

“Treecko!” Brian cried out. This battle wasn’t going the way he’d hoped. “Maybe I should’ve used Lotad like May said…” he thought to himself. Alex’s voice snapped him back into reality.

“What are you waiting for? Make a move! You can’t sit there like that when you’re battling a Gym Leader!” Alex screamed.

Brian looked at his Treecko, panting heavily and kneeling on the ground, slightly scorched. “If not for me to win the match, then for Treecko to get stronger.” “Treecko! We can win this! Use Leer!” Brian called out loud. Treecko shakily stood and fixed its eerie gaze towards Cyndaquil. Its eyes illuminated, casting a strange golden glow that stopped Cyndaquil in its tracks.

“No!” Alex yelled. “Snap out of it!”

Brian felt a surge of energy as Treecko charged at Cyndaquil, while shimmering in a green aura. “Absorb, now!” Cyndaquil squealed as Treecko grabbed it around its middle and enveloped them both in its emerald aura. Seconds later, it dropped Cyndaquil and stood over it triumphantly.

“Unbelievable!” Alex cried out. “Cyndaquil should have roasted your Treecko!” He grabbed a Pokeball from his belt and aimed it at the now fainted Fire mouse Pokemon. A red beam shot from the center of the ball and dematerialized Cyndaquil, sucking it inside.

“Brian’s Treecko fought an evolved fire Pokemon called Combusken a while back, so it must be at a high level,” May said knowingly.

Alex stared at Brian in awe. “Seriously?”

“Well… the guy was a poor trainer…” Brian smiled sheepishly.

“If that really did happen…it sucks for the next person that battles you!” Alex laughed.

Treecko hopped on Brian’s shoulder as the group resumed their journey. The warm afternoon sun bathed them in its light, and both Treecko and Brian sighed happily.

“Where exactly are we going?” Alex asked after several minutes of comfortable silence. May produced a Map from her pack and scanned it for several seconds.

“Rustboro City is only a few miles away from here…” She said slowly. “That’s where the first Gym is.”

“Gym! That’s exactly what we want!” Alex exclaimed. “Let’s go!” He suddenly broke out into a run down the path, backpack thumping wildly with each step.

“Wait!” shouted May and Brian together. Treecko latched on to Brian’s shoulder for dear life as they followed Alex.

Alex’s strides were becoming longer and faster as they ran, making it more difficult to keep up. As he disappeared around a bend, Brian and May heard him yelp out in pain. As they neared the bend, the sound of growling could be heard.

When they reached the spot where the commotion was coming from, Brian and May gasped. Alex was surrounded by a pack of wild Poochyena! Their fur bristled and their fangs gleamed menacingly as they slowly closed in on Alex. His shirt and shorts were torn, and his pack was out of his reach. “I can’t reach my Pokeballs or they’ll bite me!” Alex cried.

“Hold on! We’ll help!” Brian called out. Just as he reached for a Pokeball, he noticed a figure racing towards them. It was a girl; she was dressed in a pink shirt and a green skirt that came to her shins. On her skirt was a pattern of pink flowers, and her brown hair flowed past her shoulders. As she caught up with the two, Brian noticed that she smelled… nice…

“Oh, no! Those nasty Poochyena! Go! Roselia!” she cried as she flung a Pokeball. It spun through the air and snapped open, revealing a short green Pokemon with roses in each of its hands; one blue, and the other pink. “Roselia, use your Poison Sting!” The girl called out to her Pokemon.

'Rrrro!' it trilled as it darted past Brian, brandishing its roses. It aimed the roses at the snarling pack and fired a volley of glowing pins. The pins struck the Poochyena and they yelped, and then turned their attention to the Roselia.

“No you don’t!” May said. She pulled a Pokeball from her belt and threw it.

'Mudkip! Mud!' her Mudkip called.

“Use Water Gun!” Mudkip inhaled and shot a jet of water at the pack, blasting each one down. Yipping, they turned tail and scattered into the dense underbrush on the side of the road.

Panting, Alex fell flat on his back. “Are you okay?” May asked. She ran over to Alex and kneeled beside him.

“Is anything broken?” The mysterious girl jogged over to Alex and put a hand on his chest, kneeling as well. Seeing this, Brian felt a huge wave of emotion wash over him. He felt his face redden as he sputtered and struggled to form words.

“I’m fine… they took me by surprise is all…” Alex said. “One of them knocked me down and another grabbed at my pack.”

“They are very territorial; my family always has trouble with them. Usually they leave you alone if you scare them off with an attack or two,” the girl nodded.

“Thanks for the help. By the way, what’s your name?” May inquired.

“Oh, I’m sorry… My name is Allison, and this is my Roselia,” Allison said, bowing gracefully. Brian’s stomach flipped.

“I’m May, and this is Alex, and that’s Brian…” May introduced.

Allison looked and nodded at each of them. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

“We were on our way to Rustboro city when I was attacked,” Alex said. “But now we won’t get there in time…”

Allison stood up and smoothed out her skirt. “You can come spend the night at my family’s shop. It’s not much, but it’s better than camping out in the middle of nowhere.” she suggested.

“That sounds like a great idea!” May exclaimed.

“And we can get you cleaned up, Alex. And maybe change your clothes…and I have something for those cuts and bruises,” Allison said.

“What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Alex laughed.

The bright afternoon sky quickly turned into dusk as the group reached a building a little ways from the spot where Alex was attacked. It was made of brick, with a shingled roof. On the door was a sign that read:

Pretty Petal Flower Shop:
Spreading Flowers Across the World!​

“So this is where you live, eh?” Alex asked out loud.

“Yeah… My parents are in Celadon City in Kanto. They run a huge flower shop there, and they put up some in other places, too.”

“Do you live here all by yourself?” May gasped. Allison laughed.

“No… My older sister runs the shop; I only help her.” She opened on the door and ushered everyone in. There they met Allison’s sister Daisy. She looked like Allison, only a bit older. She smiled and welcomed them to spend the night, which they all agreed to. She then offered them the most delicious vegetable and herb stew, all from the garden out back.

When everyone was full and Allison went to help her sister with the dishes, May looked across the table at Brian. She prodded Alex and together they looked at Brian’s dopey and distant gaze.

“Are you okay Brian?” May asked.

“What?” Brian said, snapping back into reality.

“Yeah man… you barely said two words since Allison showed up,” Alex commented. “It’s almost as if you—oh…”

“What?” Brian said again.

Alex leaned in, smiling widely. “You like her, don’t you?” he whispered. Brian sat and stared at him for a few seconds before answering.

“Of course not!” Brian exclaimed. He could feel his ears burn as his face began to blush.

“Yes, of course not,” May laughed.

“Why does it matter anyway?” Brian asked.

“Well, while you were daydreaming about your wedding, Allison told us that she wants to be a Pokemon Trainer, too.” Alex commented nonchalantly. “Not only that… but a Gym Leader too. A Grass Pokemon Gym Leader.”


“It’s the final battle for the Pokemon League World Cup!” a voiced boomed from a megaphone. A large crowd packed a much larger stadium; their voices a babbling array of cheers and shouts as they screamed for their favorite Trainers. In the middle of the stadium, a field was being raised from below. It was a field, with lush grass growing in thick clumps. Soon after the field was raised, two platforms on either side rose above them.

“It’s sure to be an intense battle!” the voice boomed again. “Brian Woods from Littleroot Town and Allison Green of Celadon City will battle it out to see who’s going to be this year’s Pokemon League Champion!” The crowd exploded as the two Trainers appeared from either side of the Stadium and waited for the elevators to their platforms. Once they were both situated, a referee calmly strode out to the center of the field. The crowd’s cheers died down to a murmur, and the referee raised two flags— one red, and the other green, to match the platforms.

“This is the final battle of the Pokemon League!” he yelled. “The match will be in two parts— the first part is a double battle, where each Trainer selects two Pokemon to battle against the opponent. The second part includes an elimination round, where each Trainer is then allowed four Pokemon. The first to eliminate the other’s Pokemon is the winner! Let the final match of the Pokemon League commence!”

Brian looked at Allison and they both nodded. “I’m not going easy on you,” he said.

“I don’t want you to,” she laughed. “Let’s do this!”

“GO!” they both yelled.


Brian felt a sharp prod in his right side. He winced and sat up suddenly, blinking in the dimness of the room. "Where am I?" he thought to himself. He looked to his right and saw that Alex was standing over him, pulling on a red vest over a black shirt.

“Hey,” Alex greeted. “It’s time to get up.” Brian blinked sleepily and was about to lay back down when he noticed that Treecko had moved onto his pillow.

'Treecko…' it breathed in its sleep.

Brian groaned and rose from the sleeping bag that lay on the floor of one of the guest rooms. After pushing Treecko off the pillow and rolling up his sleeping bag, he went to the adjoining bathroom and washed up. When he returned to the room, fully dressed, he saw that Alex opened the curtains, letting warm sunlight flood into the room.

“Would you look at that…” Alex said. Brian moved over to the window and let out a surprised breath. The window faced a huge garden, with a vegetable patch out to the left and a dazzling blue lake in the center. To the right, shrubs and trees and plants of various colors and heights grew strongly. The thing that really caught Brian’s eye was the number of Pokemon in the garden: Vileplume with vibrant red petals, Sunflora with shimmering golden faces, countless Oddish, and even a Breloom! A knock from the door interrupted the two Trainers.

“Who is it?” Alex called.

“It’s me… open up!” May answered. Alex opened the door and greeted May and Allison— who was standing beside May. Brian felt his insides turn into mush.

“Morning!” Allison said cheerfully. “I trust you both had a good rest?”

“Wonderful, it was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time!” Alex laughed.

As they talked, Brian stood by the window and gazed out, drinking in the wonderful sights of the garden. He had almost drifted back to sleep when he heard Allison’s voice.

“So, Brian… I heard that you want to be a Gym Leader. Is this true?”

Brian turned around slowly to find Allison standing right in front of him. “Yeah…” was all he could manage to say.

“I guess that makes us rivals, then!” Allison exclaimed.

“Rivals?” Brian asked. His mind reeled. “Do you mean—”

“Brian, I challenge you to a Pokemon Battle!”

At the word “rivals”, Brian felt a new feeling. It was weak at first, but grew every second. It was the feeling of competition. He snapped back into focus and stared hard into Allison’s sparkling green eyes. “You’re on,” he said.

Several minutes later, the two found themselves standing beside the lake, Pokeballs in hand. Alex and May stood off to the side, dancing anxiously. Daisy stood near them, ready to referee.

“This will be a one-on-one Pokemon match! The Trainer whose Pokemon is standing is the winner of the match! Go!” she said.

“Let’s go Chikorita!” called Allison, throwing a Pokeball. It opened and spilled out a white light. It materialized into a small green Pokemon with a leaf on its head.

'Chika!' it sang, brandishing the leaf.

“What is that?” Brian asked. He held out his Pokedex.

<Chikorita. The Leaf Pokemon. A normally gentle and sweet Pokemon, it will rather use the becalming fragrance on the leaf on its head to calm down foes. However, it will use the sharp leaf as a weapon if needed.>

“All right, then… Bulbasaur, go!” Brian said, throwing Bulbasaur’s Pokeball. Bulbasaur appeared in a flash of light, growling and pawing the dirt with its feet.

“Chikorita! Tackle!” Allison ordered. Chikorita charged at Bulbasaur, the distance between the two shrinking with each step it took.

“Bulbasaur, stand your ground!” Brian commanded in response. Chikorita slammed into Bulbasaur, and the two Pokemon strained against each other.

“Looks like they have the same strength,” Alex pointed out.

“Not quite…” Allison chuckled. “Chikorita! Now!” Chikorita grunted and slipped its leaf under Bulbasaur, attempting to flip it over.

“Not so fast! Bulbasaur, try a Vine Whip!” Brian shot back.

“Bulba” it cried as two vines snaked out from under its bulb and slapped Chikorita in the face.

“Chikorita! Use your Vine Whip, too!” Allison said. Chikorita jumped back from Bulbasaur and fired two vines of its own from the buds on its neck. Chikorita’s vines grabbed Bulbasaur’s vines, stopping them. The two Grass Pokemon began a slap fight, trying to take each other out with a series of blows.

“This isn’t going to get anywhere…” groaned May. “Brian! Do something!”

“I can handle this on my own May!” Brian yelled back. “Bulbasaur, try a Magical Leaf!”

Bulbasaur withdrew its vines and released a flurry of multicolored leaves from its bulb.

“Chikorita, Razor Leaf!” Allison called. Chikorita jumped back and swung its leaf, throwing out a bunch of green leaves that ripped through the air. The two attacks collided, slicing each other up. Neither Pokemon was touched.

“Poisonpowder!” The two Trainers yelled at the same time. Bulbasaur and Chikorita blew out a purple cloud of toxic powder. It wafted across the field, and all of the trainers covered their noses. When the cloud cleared, both Pokemon stood, panting. The poison was creeping through their systems, but Chikorita was the most at risk; being a pure Grass type, it wasn’t faring well.

“Use Razor Leaf and follow up with Vine Whip!” The two Trainers cried desperately.

'Chi… ka…' Chikorita sputtered.. It performed the attacks with some difficulty, and they flew at Bulbasaur, who wheezed and did the same. The attacks clashed, and then the two Pokemon stood their ground.

“Stop!” Daisy yelled suddenly. “The two Pokemon are unable to battle… this match is a draw.”

“What do you mean? They’ve still got some fight in them!” Alex objected.

“No… she’s right… look at Bulbasaur; it’s clearly out of energy.” Brian said. Bulbasaur panted and growled, fighting its own body to stand. Sweat poured from its body in small droplets. Brian pulled out a Pokeball and recalled Bulbasaur. Allison recalled her Pokemon and walked over to Brian.

“You did a great job,” she said, holding out her hand.

Brian looked at her hand for a second before shaking it. “So did you.”

“Not bad for your first battle…” Daisy said.

“First?” May asked.

“Yeah… I’ve been training with her and teaching her the finer points, but this is her actual first battle. She’s pretty good, isn’t she?”

“Wow… looks like you’ve got to watch out, Brian. You might want to train harder!” May laughed.

“Well, if that’s the case… I don’t mind training!” Brian laughed back.

“What now?” Allison asked.

“I think that you should go out and earn some badges, sis.” Daisy winked. “It’s time that you left. Take Roselia with you; I have a feeling that you’ll do well.”

“Really?!” Allison exclaimed. She jumped up and down holding Daisy’s hands until she remembered something.

“What about you? And the shop? I can’t leave you by yourself…”

Daisy shook her head. “Nah… I’ll be fine. Just help me with a few more things before you go… the other Pokemon will stay and protect me and help out.”

“Does that mean you’re coming with us?” May asked hopefully.

“No… I’ll head out on my own. Besides, we’ll see each other again. And Brian— we will finish this match.” Allison said.

Later that afternoon, Brian, May, and Alex make their way down the path that will lead them to the next city, where they will finally be able to compete for Gym badges! As they leave, they wave goodbye to their new friend and Brian’s new rival— Allison. Looks like there’s going to be more than one goal on Brian’s mind…



<<<<<<<To Be Continued>>>>>>>

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Mmm, yes. I can see what you mean when you say these chapters were written up more recently. One of the things I noticed most strongly was the personalities starting to come through a bit more. This is a MAJOR improvement. Personalities are what makes a fic. You can have a pathetic plot, tragic spelling, copious amounts of legendaries/00bers but if your characters are brilliant, people will keep coming back. Plus, once the characters become believable, everything else seems to fit in.

The only problem I have with your characters is that they keep laughing. Whilst I think it's great for people to simply laugh off a problem or embarrassment, perhaps you could tone down the full-on laughter? Perhaps just 'smiled' would do? Cause laughter can mean anything from chuckling to sniggering to full-blown, belly heaving laughter. Or perhaps describe the laughter - 'forced laughter'/'embarrassed laughter'/'full-throated laughter'/'mild laughter'/'rueful laughter'/'sad laughter'/'regretful laughter'...the list goes on. The point is, each of these has a different connotation and better portrays the situation. For example, this particularly 'laughter' ridden section,

“Yeah… I’ve been training with her and teaching her the finer points, but this is her actual first battle. She’s pretty good, isn’t she?”

“Wow… looks like you’ve got to watch out, Brian. You might want to train harder!” May laughed.

“Well, if that’s the case… I don’t mind training!” Brian laughed back.

should (IMO) be toned down. It's great if Brian is such a cheerful guy that he can take criticism that easily. But what I'd think would be more real would be something like


“Yeah… I’ve been training with her and teaching her the finer points, but this is her actual first battle. She’s pretty good, isn’t she?”

“Wow… looks like you’ve got to watch out, Brian. You might want to train harder,” May said softly.

“Mmm, yeah,” Brian mumbled, casting an re-appraising eye over his new found rival. "Reckon you might be right, May."

Or something like that. It just seems a little more moderate. I mean, it's great to have happy characters, but I'd change the way they express it. It just seems as though the characters have a bit more depth to them, not just laughing away everything that comes their way.

Another point was Alex's 'attack'. Supposedly, he just skipped around the corner, right? Yet by the time Brian and May got there, he was on the ground with cuts and bruises and shirt and pants torn... must have been a very fast attack... but the way you told it with the pack circling him, it sounded like they were PREPARING to attack - not that they actually had. So if they hadn't, how did Alex get so beaten up? Mebbe that section needs a bit of clarification.

And while you're on it, how does a girl run a distance of several metres in less than the time taken to reach for a pokeball? Cause Brian froze, right? Why would he? Sure, there's a really attractive girl running towards them, but wouldn't he ignore it in favour of dealing with the multiple snarling Poochyena who by this time would no doubt have either noticed the new comers or actually attacked Alex? Besides, wouldn't May have gone ahead and helped even if Brian was too stunned to react? Methinks she's largely ignored in this fic. ><

Another point - Brian's daydream... sure, they both need to compete in the League to secure a place, but wouldn't it be more... I dunno, significant, or something ... if they were competing for the position of Grass Gym Leader? Cause according to the letter, all a trainer has to do is to secure a place that will get them into the Finals - not win THE final. Mebbe a different battle would be selected so that they're battling either for the position of Gym Leader or as fellow Grass Gym Leaders? *shrug* Perhaps I'm missing something with the requirements of assuming Gym Leadership.

Basically, I think what you can do to most help your fic is to keep a very realistic, very clear idea of where all your characters are at each time. That means ALL the characters - pokemon included. Didn't you say that Swablu liked riding on May's head? Where was it through this? And wouldn't a trainer let out all of their pokemon to deal with an attacking GROUP of pokemon? Keeping track of the locations of your characters and the times it would take them to do things would help to smooth out several of the wrinkles I mentioned. Remember that the time everything takes will determine a lot of the action in your fic. And while time and ability determines the outcome of actions, it's the character's own minds that initiates them and for what reasons - which is frequently more important that the outcome. ^^ Anyway, great going. As I said before, I can see you're improving. ^^ EXCELLENT!!! Best of luck and have tons of fun with the next chappie (assuming you haven't already written it, which, from the sounds of it, I suspect you have. ^^;. Meh. Well done on this chapter!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[Jirachi-Celebi-Latias-boy]

good but could be improved