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Kingdom Hearts: The return of Cyro, Riku's twin brother

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Chapter 1:

One year has passed sense Sora and The Gang defeated Xemnas and returned to Destiny Islands.
After a happy and tear full reunion with Sora and Riku's family and friends. But there’s one more person to return to Destiny Islands after his mysteries disappearance 10 years ago. What will happen to The Gang, what secrets will be revealed, who is the WU, what new enemies will appear, and what’s with sora’s necklace? Find out what happens in this Fan Fictions (Don't copy without my permission).

While Sora and Riku are walking to school Kairi comes up and says, "Sora you dropped your necklace". Sora checks his neck and said that necklace wasn‘t his. Riku asked Kairi where you found this and she says, "washed up on the beach", and Sora replied that’s how he got his. Kairi replied, "I thought you bought that", and Sora, "Nope I found and Kairi replied, ". Riku said, "if it washed up it should at least a little rusty". Just then the school bell rang and Riku told them to hurry up.

After school Kairi said that they should do to The Radiant Garden and check there library from information on the necklace and Sora said, "the library it’s almost the end of school do we really have to read", and Riku started laughing told Sora not to be such a big baby. Sora told Riku he just finished three book reports and the last place he wants to go is a library. Kairi said that she could go alone knowing that would Sora and Sora said, "So what are we waiting for an invitation, lets go".

The Gang finally made it to The Radiant Garden and when they arrived a man in a white overcoat who said, "Keyblade Master's I challenge you to a fight". The Gang is asked why and he replied, "to see if your ready, now enough talking lets fight", and before anyone could say a word he swung his sword. Sora blocked with his Keyblade and asked if he was a Chaser and the WU (White Unknown) replied, "what if I am". Riku used his Dark Firaga and the WU countered with his Light Firaga which was far more powerful than Riku's Dark Firaga and KO’d Riku. Sora got angry and attacked WU but before he could swing his Keyblade the WU pouched Sora in the gut and KO’d him. The WU said, "how disappointing all so you fought me and only one is lift *humph* the last Princess of Heart this is very good". Just then the WU walked toward Kairi and Kairi said, "I'm not going to run", then she ran towards the WU. The WU pouched Kairi in the gut then opened a Light Corridor, picked up Kairi, and just he was about to walk though it then Sora and Riku got up and told him he's not going to take Kairi. Then they ran and got Kairi from the WU and went though his Light Corridor...

Tell me what you think, typos, and don't worry it's going to get bett
 
Chapter 2:

Then Gang woke up surrounded by four people and Kairi asked who they are and they told them they were Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi (from Naruto). Naruto asked how did they ended up in the middle of the road and they said they went though a light corridor to get away WU. Kakashi said they must still be half asleep and told there just came from the Land of Waves and there heading toward Konoha and they should come with, The Gang agreed, and went with.

As The gang was traveling with Team 7 they were ambushed by the Ninja and Shadow heartless. Kakashi told them the gang to stay where they were and that him and his squad would handle it. Just then The Gang rush out to fight the heartless and in no time at all the heartless were defeated. Kakashi said, "go fighting and what an unusual weapons". The Gang told them they are called Keyblades and Naruto said, "I could of guessed that".

Kakashi told them they finally made it and told them they should meet The Hokage. The gang went to The Hokages Office to meet The Hokage. The Hokage asked they were so they introduced themselves and told them the whole story from Kairi's appearance at The Destiny Islands to them going though the Light Corridor. The Hokage said, " so you're the Keybearer I thought that the Keyblade was just a myth by the way I have one question", and Sora's said, "shoot". "If the WU was so powerful why did he just let you take Kairi out of his hand”, asked The Hokage and the gang had no idea then he said, "here's more going on than we think", and told them that they should become a ninja squad in Konoha under Kakashi (since they know him so well). Meanwhile in The Radiant Garden Yuffie runs in says, "has anyone seen Sora, Riku, or Kairi anywhere there gummi ship is here", but no one has so the check record security cam footage.
 
Chapter 3:

The Gang is talking to Kakashi about joining his team and Kakashi says, "my team is big enough so i'll only take two of you the other will forget about becoming a ninja, the test is tomorrow and I advise you not to eat any breakfest", the Gang agrees a walk off and Kakashi tell his team not to say a word about the test. Team 7 walks up to The Gang and they tell them they can stay at there places (Sora with Naruto, Riku with Sasuke, and Kairi with Sakura) but they told them they won't say a word about the test.

The next day The Gang went to take the test in there hosts clothes and Kakashi tells them what clothes they wear won't have a diffence on the test and The Gang tells him the clothes they wore yesterday was all the clothes they had and there hosts let them use theres. Kakashi tells them all they have to do is get one of the two bells he has to pass and they have till 2'o clock to get them and five minutes to hide. As soon as the test begins Sora waits till he finds Kakashi to strike and once he appraoches he get out of the bushes with his keyblade and attacks him but it turns out to be a shadow clone. The moment when Riku finds Kakashi hiding in the trees he uses his dark firaga but it's another shadow clone. When Kairi finds Kakashi she stealthfully sneaks up behind him and tries to steal one of the bells but it's apart of the shadow clone. The Gang meets up and says the Kakashi's they found where all fakes. Then Kakashi appears and Sora heads straight for the attack and Kakashi dodges all of attacks and finds that taking Kakashi's advice about skipping breakfast was a bad idea. Kairi runs behind Kakashi and uses magnete but kakashi catches it before it reaches Kairi then Sora uses stopaga and takes the rings from Kakashi's hands and gives them to Riku and Kairi and says they should pass but Kairi and Riku said he should take the bells he got them. The spell wears off and asks Sora why didn't he use that spell earlier and said that it like cheating Kakashi laughs and tells The Gang that they pass and that the test wasn't to get the rings instead it was to see how well they work as a team. Meanwhile back at The Radient Garden leon says so the one who they don't speak of (WU) has returned and wonders what he wants and Mickey says, "sense Sora, Riku, and Kairi are gone Maleficent's sure to attack the worlds". Leons says, " what if she doesn't know there gone"?
 
Chapter 4:

The gang meets up with Team 7 and they told them they all passed with flying colors. Kakashi asked The Gang what they want there team name to be and Naruto said, "why didn’t we get to our team name”". Kakashi told him that there a is a special case sense there sensei has two teams and only could have team can have the first name of there sensei. The Gang (Team 13) said Team Keyblade (of course) and asked them why they want to be a ninja but Team 13 told him they would get back to him on that. Kakashi also asked what kind of jutsus they know but the gang didn’t any and he said, "this is going to be a long day". Kakashi told Team 13 about jutsu, chakra, hand signs, etc. and just when they were about to start there jutsu training they got hungry (skipping breakfast) so they went to get something to eat.

After they ate lunch they began training and they started with focusing and controlling their chakra by walking up walls which takes them three days to master. Next they worked on the hand signs for the Transformation Jutsu which took them four hours. Then they tried to use the Transformation Jutsu which took a couple of minutes. Kakashi told them that was enough for now and to meet him on the bridge tomorrow at 7'o clock. Team 7 asked Team 13 when where they going to get more clothes and they told them they didn't have any money. Sakura as them if they have anything to pawn and they had the two necklaces and Kairi’s bracelets. Team 13 went to the pawn shop, the pawn deal said the metals of the bracelet are an undiscovered element, and sold it for a whopping $1,000 dollars. Later that day The WU appeared and bought the necklaces for $100,000 and told the pawn dealer that he was never here. Meanwhile Leon and Mickey used magic to disguise Heyner, Pence, and Olette as Sora, Riku, and Kairi in hopes that it would fool everyone and sent Donald and Goofy to find them.
 
Chapter 5:

Team 13 said that they love there new clothes and that there not tight like there hosts clothes. Team 13 gave back there hosts clothes and hosts said that there clothes are stretched out. Later Team 13 took Team 7 out for ramen and they were talking and Sakura asked an interesting question "how big is your family". Sora said, "just me and my mom and dad", Kairi said, "just me and my adoptive parents", and Riku said, "just me and me folks till my brother returns". Kairi said I didn't know you have a brother what's his and how come…", Sora grabbed Kairi's mouth and whispered, "not a smart idea", and Riku said, "his name is Cyro and he um… well I uh". Then Sora tried changing the subject by saying how good the ramen is.

At Sasuke's house Sasuke told Riku that he has a brother that he wants to kill and Riku asked why and he replied that his brother killed his parents and fellow clan members. Riku asked why did he do that, but Sasuke didn't have an answer. The next day both Team 7 and 13 arrived on the dot but Kakashi didn't show
up for hours and both teams were complaining on how late they were. Kakashi told they them that there all going to the Chunin Exams and he explains what the Chunin Exams are then leaves. Both teams were walking in the alley then a square rock starting following Naruto. Naruto said, "Konohamaru,
that’s the worst disguise ever there’s no such thing as square rocks", then they Konohamaru and his friends came out of the rock and he said, "there's no fooling you ah boss". Then Naruto said something that made Sakura mad, then him, Konohamaru, and Konohamaru’s friend started running from Sakura till then bumped into one of the sand ninjas…

Meanwhile back at The World that Never Was Maleficent was try to find away to defeat The Gang then she looking at them with her magic and knew something was wrong with them but not what.
 
Chapter 6:

The Sand Ninja Konohamaru bumped into is Kankuro. Kankuro grabbed Konohamaru and said he was going to pay. Team 7 and 13 told Kankuro to let Konohamaru go or else. Kankuro said, "no, so what are you going to do about it". Team 7 and 13 went running to save Konohamaru, Kankuro moved his finger then they tripped. Wile they were arguing about who fault it was that they tripped (didn't know it was Kankuro's Fault) four mysterious shadowy figures were talking. They were saying how weak and stupid they were, one said, "they don't know very much about chakra, but if they will become stronger". Another one said, "People that know nothing can understand nothing". The shadowy figure before him said, "learning is instinctive if it wasn't nobody would nothing". The one that got owned had no reply. Two of them said that the Chasers won't them for something. The owned one said, "it could be to defeat them, even they aren’t that stupid". The one the owned him said, "there preparing for something probably to destroy that monster". The owned one said "what are you stupid no one can destroy Destroyer"...
 

azurill

Well-Known Member
I haven't read all of it,but I must say that you can do better.Your narration isn't good,you need more adjectives and generally this 'x told x that he's acting x' style doesn't sound really well and it is not realistic at all.I suggest you add more direct quotes.

EDIT:I'll continue reading the rest,for any further comment I'll edit again!
 
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Draconis

Currently active.
None of your so called "chapters" are even long enough to be considered chapters, and your whole fic is just a block of text. Judging from the miniscule amount of time between each "chapter", you just typed this in the reply box, and most likely didn't put any though into the plot, and just posted the first thing that came to mind.

You seriously nead to read the fic rules, and advice for aspiring authors threads, before you even submit another chapter, let alone fic.
 

azurill

Well-Known Member
Open up Word,Notepad or something similar,think over and over,type your thoughts.Re-read it,correct mistakes.
Take you're time-don't rush,finish it next day or so,when you're ready C&P is always there for you.
 
Chapter 7:

The Shadowy figures continued talking about Destroyer and they stated that at there current level Team 13 and themselves didn't stand a chance in hell in beating Destroyer. Then they started saying it is in the best intrests of everyone in the universe while there still is one to stop Destroyer or we'll all end up like Cinque. Venticinque (the one that got owned) asked Due (the one that owned Venticinque) if he still want to kill Riku but Due didn't reply. Venticinque got ****** off by his silence and then took out his naginata shouted "answer me or I'll slice your flesh right off". Soon after that shouting was uttered two hidden leaf jounin appear and were about to ask them what they were doing but Venticinque sliced them into tiny peices before they could finish there sentence. Venticinque stated that he feels a hell of a lot better now. Due said they'll see how tough they are by watching there performance in the Chunin Exams. Meanwhile back at Disney's Castle Donald and Goofy told Mickey they've went to every world they know about except The World that Never Was but didn't find a trace of them.

-----------------------------------------------

Next one will be longer.
 
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