M
Meta Kyogre
Guest
Yay Rayquaza's alive! Good few chapters. I like the 'miracle balls'. I like Rayquaza as well so it's good that he's come back. Wonder what'll happen next. Good luck and keep up the good writing.
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L.O.A: Protectors of Peace
- Thread starter billy5772
- Start date
Final Chapter of L.O.A. Protectors of Peace
Well, this is the final chapter of L.O.A. Protecetors of Peace but I'm thinking of putting its sequel in this same thread. The sequel will start some time around new year's so stick around.
CHAPTER 11
This is the last chapter of L.O.A. Protectors of Peace and also the prologue to the upcoming L.O.A. Wielders of the Miracle Balls.
“We’ve only got a couple more stops to make,” said Susan in a tone that correctly conveyed her feelings of relief at the fact that the only thing left to do was re visit those involved in the conflict.
“Let’s visit Victor first,” Tom said as the three teammates flew through the air.
“Rayquaza, you won’t believe what happened while you were gone,” Billy said as he enthusiastically related the events of the past few months to his newly revived friend. “And then, Mewtwo was like…”
“That’s so nice,” Susan said as she could hear Billy’s joy in the tone of his voice. The team slowly lowered to the ground outside of Victor’s house which was also the final battle place between the team and Deoxys. They walked up to the door and knocked. When no one answered, Susan called out to Victor by name.
“Victor! Are you in there? Come to the door.” Still, no one answered and Susan and the team resolved to visit that house later.
* * *
“One of them may have escaped but another clone of Mew could be even more powerful than the first.” Pulling out from his jacket three feathers of HO-OH that he had obtained at the site of a battle between the bird and Deoxys, the scientist placed them in three separate test tubes. He stood about six feet tall and cast a shadow that seemed to contain every manner of evil spirit. His hair was seemingly darker than the night itself which was fitting of his evil personality. Now, as he walked out of the hotel that he had been staying in, he unarmed his black Porsche Carrera and got inside. The rain gently collided with his windshield as he drove out of the parking lot and towards his secret base of operations where others, just as evil as himself awaited his arrival. Tonight would be the night that they created a monster powerful enough to capture the legendaries and realize their dreams of world domination. Their motive was simple; they wished to create a world in which they could rule over everyone with the power of science and pokemon instead of having to rely on government to okay their projects. These scientists had lost sight of their once noble causes and had become corrupt as they yearned for unimaginable power. And now, as the thunderstorm grew in intensity, it was an accurate foreshadowing of the evil that they planned to unleash upon the rest of the earth.
Victor got out of his Porsche and headed inside of the airport. His flight to Alaska was scheduled to leave in only a few minutes and he barely made it in time for lift off. Seated on the plane, Victor pulled out a test tube containing one of HO-OH’s feathers. As he stared at it, he thought of all the power that would soon be in his control. Then he stuffed it back in his pocket and closed his eyes for the flight from California to Antarctica.
* * *
L.O.A. slowly touched down outside Matthew Patterson’s house and approached the door. Susan knocked on the door and Matthew’s mother opened it. They talked for a while about the events surrounding Matthew’s loss of consciousness. The mother was grateful to L.O.A. for bringing back her child and they departed from the house later on that evening with a sense of great pride in what they had done. As they headed toward their base of operations, L.O.A. prepared for a peaceful night’s sleep not knowing of the evil whose ominous presence threatened they’re very existence.
Billy tossed and turned that night, not being able to keep the images that he had seen in his vision out of his head. He was trapped in a nightmare in which the earth’s surface was desolate and the sun’s light no longer shined in the sky. Billy was having the vision again as his Miracle Ball, still wrapped around his neck, glowed steadily. Billy’s vision was extended and now he saw HO-OH staring at him in pain as it separated into HO-OH and a shadow version of itself. As the shadow HO-OH advanced towards him, Billy called for Mewtwo. Mewtwo stood in front of Billy and began to charge up a psychic attack. Shadow HO-OH merely passed right through Mewtwo, injuring him in the process, and headed straight towards Billy. Billy became extremely frightened and covered his face with his arm fearing the worst. Then he awoke, sweating profusely as his heart pounded against his chest. He got out of his bed and took the Miracle Ball from around his neck, placing it on a table next to his bed. He walked down to the kitchen so that he could poor himself a glass of water and calm down.
As he walked down the dimly lit halls of the L.O.A. base of operations, he could not help but be afraid of the dark which so closely resembled that of his visions. He quickly hurried down the hall and to the kitchen where he would be able to turn on a light without disturbing anyone.
Susan was too excited to sleep. With the arrival of her new power, she thought of all of the amazing things she could do. If she had the power to revive pokemon, why not people? She would ask Billy and Tom what they thought about it in the morning. Resolving to execute this plan of action, she eventually fell asleep.
Tom lay awake in his room as well that night. He held HO-OH’s Master Ball in front of his face wondering when his would turn into a Miracle Ball. He had been exposed to the same conditions as the others but had not received the special miracle upgrade. He couldn’t wait to find out what special ability his Miracle Ball held. He felt like a young child on Christmas morning waiting to unwrap a present that he knew would be awesome. Billy had had a vision supposedly from the future, Susan’s Master Ball had been given the power to heal, what would his power be? He contemplated this in the dark and then fell asleep wondering.
* * *
It was late but Sarah Wyatts was still awake watching television. This was unusual for her but she couldn’t seem to go to sleep. Thoughts of world domination and teddy bears kept running through her head. She felt like a kid again but at the same time like an evil man. All the thoughts of these two new personalities raced through her mind and prevented her from slumber.
“What’s happening inside my head?!” she said struggling to find herself in all the confusion. She eventually fell asleep from exhaustion.
* * *
“Matthew, are you okay?” Mrs. Patterson said as she walked in to see him shaking as if he were in some horrible nightmare. “Wake up, it’s only a dream,” she said, nudging this disturbed seven year old.
He woke up and stared at his mother in the face so intently that she took a step back instinctively. “Not for long woman, not for long,” he said in a voice that sounded very unlike his own; profoundly mature and evil. Having said this, he turned and went to sleep. His mother, not exactly sure what else to do, went to tell her husband who soon persuaded her to go to bed saying that Matthew must have had a soar throat. Not really believing this explanation but taking comfort in its resolution of the problem, Mrs. Patterson went to bed.
* * *
The next day, Victor arrived at the lab which was placed deep in the freezing wastelands of Antarctica. A special transport had picked him up from his plane’s landing site and carried him to the base’s obscure location amongst a northern mountain range. He stepped into an elevator and it lowered him down to a floor whose depth below the surface was magnanimous. He stepped out of the elevator and into a laboratory full of scientists who shared his crazed dream. Scientists working at their many stations throughout the room were hushed as he emerged from the elevator. The room was silent until, removing the feather test tubes from his coat, the other scientists erupted in applause. Victor walked to the center of the laboratory over a path of illuminated white tiles and typed in a code on a large computer terminal. After he did this, a small capsule made of the strongest combination of metals and reinforced with a dark energy emerged from the bottom of the floor holding the origin of Pokemon, Mew.
Okay, so there it is, the end of my first fanfiction.
Well, this is the final chapter of L.O.A. Protecetors of Peace but I'm thinking of putting its sequel in this same thread. The sequel will start some time around new year's so stick around.
CHAPTER 11
This is the last chapter of L.O.A. Protectors of Peace and also the prologue to the upcoming L.O.A. Wielders of the Miracle Balls.
“We’ve only got a couple more stops to make,” said Susan in a tone that correctly conveyed her feelings of relief at the fact that the only thing left to do was re visit those involved in the conflict.
“Let’s visit Victor first,” Tom said as the three teammates flew through the air.
“Rayquaza, you won’t believe what happened while you were gone,” Billy said as he enthusiastically related the events of the past few months to his newly revived friend. “And then, Mewtwo was like…”
“That’s so nice,” Susan said as she could hear Billy’s joy in the tone of his voice. The team slowly lowered to the ground outside of Victor’s house which was also the final battle place between the team and Deoxys. They walked up to the door and knocked. When no one answered, Susan called out to Victor by name.
“Victor! Are you in there? Come to the door.” Still, no one answered and Susan and the team resolved to visit that house later.
* * *
“One of them may have escaped but another clone of Mew could be even more powerful than the first.” Pulling out from his jacket three feathers of HO-OH that he had obtained at the site of a battle between the bird and Deoxys, the scientist placed them in three separate test tubes. He stood about six feet tall and cast a shadow that seemed to contain every manner of evil spirit. His hair was seemingly darker than the night itself which was fitting of his evil personality. Now, as he walked out of the hotel that he had been staying in, he unarmed his black Porsche Carrera and got inside. The rain gently collided with his windshield as he drove out of the parking lot and towards his secret base of operations where others, just as evil as himself awaited his arrival. Tonight would be the night that they created a monster powerful enough to capture the legendaries and realize their dreams of world domination. Their motive was simple; they wished to create a world in which they could rule over everyone with the power of science and pokemon instead of having to rely on government to okay their projects. These scientists had lost sight of their once noble causes and had become corrupt as they yearned for unimaginable power. And now, as the thunderstorm grew in intensity, it was an accurate foreshadowing of the evil that they planned to unleash upon the rest of the earth.
Victor got out of his Porsche and headed inside of the airport. His flight to Alaska was scheduled to leave in only a few minutes and he barely made it in time for lift off. Seated on the plane, Victor pulled out a test tube containing one of HO-OH’s feathers. As he stared at it, he thought of all the power that would soon be in his control. Then he stuffed it back in his pocket and closed his eyes for the flight from California to Antarctica.
* * *
L.O.A. slowly touched down outside Matthew Patterson’s house and approached the door. Susan knocked on the door and Matthew’s mother opened it. They talked for a while about the events surrounding Matthew’s loss of consciousness. The mother was grateful to L.O.A. for bringing back her child and they departed from the house later on that evening with a sense of great pride in what they had done. As they headed toward their base of operations, L.O.A. prepared for a peaceful night’s sleep not knowing of the evil whose ominous presence threatened they’re very existence.
Billy tossed and turned that night, not being able to keep the images that he had seen in his vision out of his head. He was trapped in a nightmare in which the earth’s surface was desolate and the sun’s light no longer shined in the sky. Billy was having the vision again as his Miracle Ball, still wrapped around his neck, glowed steadily. Billy’s vision was extended and now he saw HO-OH staring at him in pain as it separated into HO-OH and a shadow version of itself. As the shadow HO-OH advanced towards him, Billy called for Mewtwo. Mewtwo stood in front of Billy and began to charge up a psychic attack. Shadow HO-OH merely passed right through Mewtwo, injuring him in the process, and headed straight towards Billy. Billy became extremely frightened and covered his face with his arm fearing the worst. Then he awoke, sweating profusely as his heart pounded against his chest. He got out of his bed and took the Miracle Ball from around his neck, placing it on a table next to his bed. He walked down to the kitchen so that he could poor himself a glass of water and calm down.
As he walked down the dimly lit halls of the L.O.A. base of operations, he could not help but be afraid of the dark which so closely resembled that of his visions. He quickly hurried down the hall and to the kitchen where he would be able to turn on a light without disturbing anyone.
Susan was too excited to sleep. With the arrival of her new power, she thought of all of the amazing things she could do. If she had the power to revive pokemon, why not people? She would ask Billy and Tom what they thought about it in the morning. Resolving to execute this plan of action, she eventually fell asleep.
Tom lay awake in his room as well that night. He held HO-OH’s Master Ball in front of his face wondering when his would turn into a Miracle Ball. He had been exposed to the same conditions as the others but had not received the special miracle upgrade. He couldn’t wait to find out what special ability his Miracle Ball held. He felt like a young child on Christmas morning waiting to unwrap a present that he knew would be awesome. Billy had had a vision supposedly from the future, Susan’s Master Ball had been given the power to heal, what would his power be? He contemplated this in the dark and then fell asleep wondering.
* * *
It was late but Sarah Wyatts was still awake watching television. This was unusual for her but she couldn’t seem to go to sleep. Thoughts of world domination and teddy bears kept running through her head. She felt like a kid again but at the same time like an evil man. All the thoughts of these two new personalities raced through her mind and prevented her from slumber.
“What’s happening inside my head?!” she said struggling to find herself in all the confusion. She eventually fell asleep from exhaustion.
* * *
“Matthew, are you okay?” Mrs. Patterson said as she walked in to see him shaking as if he were in some horrible nightmare. “Wake up, it’s only a dream,” she said, nudging this disturbed seven year old.
He woke up and stared at his mother in the face so intently that she took a step back instinctively. “Not for long woman, not for long,” he said in a voice that sounded very unlike his own; profoundly mature and evil. Having said this, he turned and went to sleep. His mother, not exactly sure what else to do, went to tell her husband who soon persuaded her to go to bed saying that Matthew must have had a soar throat. Not really believing this explanation but taking comfort in its resolution of the problem, Mrs. Patterson went to bed.
* * *
The next day, Victor arrived at the lab which was placed deep in the freezing wastelands of Antarctica. A special transport had picked him up from his plane’s landing site and carried him to the base’s obscure location amongst a northern mountain range. He stepped into an elevator and it lowered him down to a floor whose depth below the surface was magnanimous. He stepped out of the elevator and into a laboratory full of scientists who shared his crazed dream. Scientists working at their many stations throughout the room were hushed as he emerged from the elevator. The room was silent until, removing the feather test tubes from his coat, the other scientists erupted in applause. Victor walked to the center of the laboratory over a path of illuminated white tiles and typed in a code on a large computer terminal. After he did this, a small capsule made of the strongest combination of metals and reinforced with a dark energy emerged from the bottom of the floor holding the origin of Pokemon, Mew.
Okay, so there it is, the end of my first fanfiction.
well, it was quite good for your first fanfic, but you've received alot of help, you've definately improved alot since the first chapter 
while fics with star legendary pokemon aren't my cup of tea, this fanfic is quite well done for a first fanfic. All I have to say is a "Good Job" because most of the constructive critisim's already been given out
and the last chapter seems leads me to believe that a sequel's been planned... yes?
while fics with star legendary pokemon aren't my cup of tea, this fanfic is quite well done for a first fanfic. All I have to say is a "Good Job" because most of the constructive critisim's already been given out
and the last chapter seems leads me to believe that a sequel's been planned... yes?
Chibi Pika
Stay positive
Woosh, okay I'm not quite done with it yet, but I do intend to read all of it, as I like it, I just wanted to let you know I hadn't forgotten your request.
Okay, well, at first I was skeptical of all the captured Legendaries, but I guess you handled it as well as possible for this kind of fic. There were only a few noticeable grammar errors, and the plot is very intriguing at the point I'm on. I'll be reviewing the sequel once I finish reading all of this.
Very off note: *Stares at Burnt Flower's looong history of reviews here and whispers* Didn't you say you'd keep reading mine? J/k, but I was at least hoping you'd review more that once seeing as I think you liked it.
But, anyways, keep it up, billy5772!
~Chibi~;249;
Okay, well, at first I was skeptical of all the captured Legendaries, but I guess you handled it as well as possible for this kind of fic. There were only a few noticeable grammar errors, and the plot is very intriguing at the point I'm on. I'll be reviewing the sequel once I finish reading all of this.
Very off note: *Stares at Burnt Flower's looong history of reviews here and whispers* Didn't you say you'd keep reading mine? J/k, but I was at least hoping you'd review more that once seeing as I think you liked it.
But, anyways, keep it up, billy5772!
~Chibi~;249;
Ash_Junior
Irredeemable Nerd
I find your fiction...illogical, yet fascinating at best.
first of all, you have a lot of potential, I can see that right now.
but...Legendaries?
no offense, but it seems rather...well, unorthodox and implausible that they're able to control everything.
On top of that, this seems like a summary, not an actual story. However, I can see that you have a very good grasp of science.
The nuclear bomb was a very good example.
However, you failed to take into account two basic laws of physics in the space shuttle part.
1. An object in motion will continue its motion unless acted upon by an outside force
2. for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Well, if the space shuttle was going at the speed that shuttles do (They enter the atmosphere at around Mach 25), the ocean would stop the shuttle, but not the people inside the shuttle.
thus, the people inside the shuttle would keep going inside the shuttle, until stopped by the space shuttle floor. The floor, however, would have stopped before the people inside, and the people would end up smeared all over the floor of the space shuttle, due to the velocity that they were travelling. In addition, because of the extreme pressures involved in the sudden slowdown, the shuttle would have plunged hundreds of feet below the surface, and broken up almost as soon as it hit the water.
That IS why they used parachutes in the space capsule days...
okay, second of all, you messed up on what I would assume to be a basic, instinctive reaction of the Banette to the Umbreon (this is not taking into account that it would take hundreds of Banett hundreds of Shadow Balls for Latios to be beaten). This instinct is known as strength in numbers. While they were already in the "fight or flight" syndrome, one or two would be surprised, yes, but you stated that there were MANY Banette (which, by the way, I've never heard of before), and while one or two discouraged Banette would have fled, the rest would have come back and swamped the Umbreon (unless it's more powerful than Latios).
also, you should never, NEVER, put an Author's note in the middle of a chapter. It interrupts the flow. Put it at the end, if it contains any spoilers about the chapter.
also, flashbacks should be subtly worked in, not having the "*back to the present*" crudely slapped on like you did.
*snickers*
calmed down?
yeah, right. What kind of person (or Pokemon) would be "calmed down" after being attacked, after being treated like a circus sideshow?
also, wh would someone give Billy the codes, how could Blaziken defeat what surely must be dozens of guards (due to Mewtwo's powerful abilities), and why are you putting Mewtwo out of character?
Mewtwo is ruthless, yet not without heart. If he saw a chance to escape, he'd take it, no questions asked, at least if you're going with the anime version.
m'kay, so it doesn't necessarily fall in with the anime. that takes care of Mewtwo's personality, but not the other two contentiosn I have with his...acquisition.
hm....
question...how long did it take them to reach NASA HQ from the shuttle?
how long did it take to remember?
how long did it take to get rid of the shield (which, coincidentally, would invariably cut off traffic, due to NASA HQ being inside a city)?
Question!
DNA is contained in the Nucleus of a cell. How would it get out of its nucleus? and, if it got out of that, how would it get past the Cell wall/membrane? How would the DNA replicate itself? There would be no possible way unless somehow RNA was also in the DNA sample, and even then, it requires special things called...okay, so I'm blanking on the name to replicate itself.
all right...
as for skipping around, make sure that you describe areas BEFORE any dialogue takes place, so we know we aren't still at NASA.
*raises eyebrow*
um...Umbreon isn't a legendary.
if Ho-oh couldn't do it, how could he hope to accomplish anything?
once again, I find it illogical that "a whole bunch of Salamence" that were all defeated (except one) by a Pelipper's Blizzard defeated Rayquaza. It's bending the laws of probability by a fairly wide margin.
what the...
Rayquaza's dead! how could it use a Thunderbolt???
eh?
what's that?
that doesn't make sense...
unless the Kyogre thing was in the past...
was it?
if it was, you REALLY need to say that it is, and not just assume that we know.
*rereads your explanation post*
DOH!
well, ya still need to be more clear.
okay...
never EVER say "there's a scene change"
work it into the descriptions..
eh?
shot? what shot?
you never mentioned any shot!
dude...
they kicked in the guy's door?
sheesh...
and now, they're forcing him to go with 'em?
who do they think they are? the Police with a warrant or something?
*raises eyebrow*
how would they know that Deoxys is in charge of the space station?
*raises eyebrow*
that doesn't explain Mewtwo's ability. If you remember, that was the question, not what he was doing.
um...Billy's the weakest link because he's got feelings, and is so human that he needs space in which to deal with them?
*raises eyebrow*
all right...
you may have noticed that I focused on just a few of your science errors...as I reviewed the chapters.
now, things about the entire fic.
Well, I have to say that I didn't especially care for it. Description, while it was there, was fleeting. Characters had minimal personalities, controlled extremely powerful Pokemon, they gained even more power at the end, in addition to several implausible situations that you put before me, as the reader. (plus there's the fact that you never said what LOA stood for. If all the main characters are working for it, we should at least know what it stands for)
However, the one shining thing about your fic that makes it stand out is its superb plot.
Unfourtunately, to me, it wasn't enough to offset what I percieved to be the major areas in which this piece of fiction was lacking.
Work on your description. While it is true that you can have too much description (a la exact measurements of everything), that is boring just to write, in my opinion.
first of all, you have a lot of potential, I can see that right now.
but...Legendaries?
no offense, but it seems rather...well, unorthodox and implausible that they're able to control everything.
On top of that, this seems like a summary, not an actual story. However, I can see that you have a very good grasp of science.
The nuclear bomb was a very good example.
However, you failed to take into account two basic laws of physics in the space shuttle part.
1. An object in motion will continue its motion unless acted upon by an outside force
2. for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Well, if the space shuttle was going at the speed that shuttles do (They enter the atmosphere at around Mach 25), the ocean would stop the shuttle, but not the people inside the shuttle.
thus, the people inside the shuttle would keep going inside the shuttle, until stopped by the space shuttle floor. The floor, however, would have stopped before the people inside, and the people would end up smeared all over the floor of the space shuttle, due to the velocity that they were travelling. In addition, because of the extreme pressures involved in the sudden slowdown, the shuttle would have plunged hundreds of feet below the surface, and broken up almost as soon as it hit the water.
That IS why they used parachutes in the space capsule days...
okay, second of all, you messed up on what I would assume to be a basic, instinctive reaction of the Banette to the Umbreon (this is not taking into account that it would take hundreds of Banett hundreds of Shadow Balls for Latios to be beaten). This instinct is known as strength in numbers. While they were already in the "fight or flight" syndrome, one or two would be surprised, yes, but you stated that there were MANY Banette (which, by the way, I've never heard of before), and while one or two discouraged Banette would have fled, the rest would have come back and swamped the Umbreon (unless it's more powerful than Latios).
also, you should never, NEVER, put an Author's note in the middle of a chapter. It interrupts the flow. Put it at the end, if it contains any spoilers about the chapter.
also, flashbacks should be subtly worked in, not having the "*back to the present*" crudely slapped on like you did.
*snickers*
calmed down?
yeah, right. What kind of person (or Pokemon) would be "calmed down" after being attacked, after being treated like a circus sideshow?
also, wh would someone give Billy the codes, how could Blaziken defeat what surely must be dozens of guards (due to Mewtwo's powerful abilities), and why are you putting Mewtwo out of character?
Mewtwo is ruthless, yet not without heart. If he saw a chance to escape, he'd take it, no questions asked, at least if you're going with the anime version.
m'kay, so it doesn't necessarily fall in with the anime. that takes care of Mewtwo's personality, but not the other two contentiosn I have with his...acquisition.
hm....
question...how long did it take them to reach NASA HQ from the shuttle?
how long did it take to remember?
how long did it take to get rid of the shield (which, coincidentally, would invariably cut off traffic, due to NASA HQ being inside a city)?
Question!
DNA is contained in the Nucleus of a cell. How would it get out of its nucleus? and, if it got out of that, how would it get past the Cell wall/membrane? How would the DNA replicate itself? There would be no possible way unless somehow RNA was also in the DNA sample, and even then, it requires special things called...okay, so I'm blanking on the name to replicate itself.
all right...
as for skipping around, make sure that you describe areas BEFORE any dialogue takes place, so we know we aren't still at NASA.
*raises eyebrow*
um...Umbreon isn't a legendary.
if Ho-oh couldn't do it, how could he hope to accomplish anything?
once again, I find it illogical that "a whole bunch of Salamence" that were all defeated (except one) by a Pelipper's Blizzard defeated Rayquaza. It's bending the laws of probability by a fairly wide margin.
what the...
Rayquaza's dead! how could it use a Thunderbolt???
eh?
what's that?
that doesn't make sense...
unless the Kyogre thing was in the past...
was it?
if it was, you REALLY need to say that it is, and not just assume that we know.
*rereads your explanation post*
DOH!
well, ya still need to be more clear.
okay...
never EVER say "there's a scene change"
work it into the descriptions..
eh?
shot? what shot?
you never mentioned any shot!
dude...
they kicked in the guy's door?
sheesh...
and now, they're forcing him to go with 'em?
who do they think they are? the Police with a warrant or something?
*raises eyebrow*
how would they know that Deoxys is in charge of the space station?
*raises eyebrow*
that doesn't explain Mewtwo's ability. If you remember, that was the question, not what he was doing.
um...Billy's the weakest link because he's got feelings, and is so human that he needs space in which to deal with them?
*raises eyebrow*
all right...
you may have noticed that I focused on just a few of your science errors...as I reviewed the chapters.
now, things about the entire fic.
Well, I have to say that I didn't especially care for it. Description, while it was there, was fleeting. Characters had minimal personalities, controlled extremely powerful Pokemon, they gained even more power at the end, in addition to several implausible situations that you put before me, as the reader. (plus there's the fact that you never said what LOA stood for. If all the main characters are working for it, we should at least know what it stands for)
However, the one shining thing about your fic that makes it stand out is its superb plot.
Unfourtunately, to me, it wasn't enough to offset what I percieved to be the major areas in which this piece of fiction was lacking.
Work on your description. While it is true that you can have too much description (a la exact measurements of everything), that is boring just to write, in my opinion.
Brian Random
I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!
*Finished reading chapter 1*
Got your PM, mate.
Hmm... a little interesting bit still, I haven't found that 'spark' yet.
Plus, there was a past and present tense problem, work on that (I'd go with the past tense) and give descriptions of the characters.
I also spotted a couple of grammar mistakes, I'll get back to you when I have the time. Laters.
Got your PM, mate.
Hmm... a little interesting bit still, I haven't found that 'spark' yet.
Plus, there was a past and present tense problem, work on that (I'd go with the past tense) and give descriptions of the characters.
I also spotted a couple of grammar mistakes, I'll get back to you when I have the time. Laters.
This is in response to the many questions posed by Ash_Junior.
Thank you for your review, I appreciate the time that you took to read my fic. I wholly appreciate you pointing out flaws that you see in my story and will take the valid ones into consideration.
1. With your analysis of the space shuttle landing you failed to realize that I never said anaything about people being in the shuttle. Deoxys was the only one alive in the shuttle when it landed. Okay and with the Mach 25 thing, have you ever seen space shuttle Columbia return from a flight at speeds anywhere near that? It was a reusable space shuttle, those usually land on runways. I know this isn't an accurate scientific resource, but have you seen the movie THE CORE? In one of the earlier scenes a shuttle is returning from some kind of orbital mission (kinda like the one in my story) and all of the astronauts land in a city water way. They weren't going any where near the speeds you suggest are normal for shuttle re-entry. Maybe you're thinking about those capsules that don't have the wings that space shuttles have today. So, now that the speed issue is cleared up, it seems likely that the shuttle would not have broken up on contact with the ocean and even more plausible that it would not have gone down to the bottom of the ocean floor because, not having broken up, the bouyant force provided by the water would be enought to resurface it.
2. With the Bannette thing, I do see your point with there being strength in numbers. But you contradicted yourself a little bit. You said that it would take hundreds of shadow balls from hundreds of Bannette to beat Latios and then you turned around and said that they shouldn't have been afraid of a pokemon who has a type advantage against them and that they shouldn't have fled because of their low defensive stats? If they are so weak that it takes hundreds of them using hundreds of shadow balls (an attack that is physical and ghost which plays on two of Latios' weaknesses; average defense vs. Bannette's high attack, and weakness to ghost types) why would they stick around and face someone with a type advantage when they had none if they are so weak? Here, you're making Latios sound too strong and the Bannette too weak. A good group of ten Bannette could've easily killed a Latios had Susan not shown up. In this story the legendaries are not gods as you seem to be trying to make them out to be. Latios is only legendary because he is one of the strongest dragons and strongest psychics and because he is one of a kind. Nothing more.
3. I totally agree with you on the fact that I shouldn't put Author's Notes right in the middle of the story like I did. I meant to fix that as Burnt Flower warned me about it earlier. And I do admit that the "scene change" and "back to present" things were crude and tacky. I will try and improve on this.
4. With the calming mewtwo down thing: I see what you mean. A better word choice for the thought I was trying to convey probably would've been "the scientists subdued Mewtwo with coercion from an army of dark pokemon." Thank you for your insight into this matter.
Oh, and the part with the Blaziken taking out the guards: I was just hoping the reader would go with it. I know that sounds bad but, until I wrote that chapter, I hadn't really worked out the details of how Billy acquired Mewtwo. So, I just kinda wrote some stuff down. As for Billy's mysterious friend: that is less improbable than the aforementioned dispute. I said that the scientific community as a whole wanted to keep Mewtwo's flaws under wraps but I did not say that there were not individual scientists who had compassion on the creature. It is very likely that a soft-hearted scientist wanted to see Mewtwo escape his bondage and be free. That's not so far fetched.
5. With the DNA thing. I didn't describe the process of the genetic experiments that they were doing in space because I thought that it wasn't neccessary. I was going to leave that up to your Biology teacher. If you want to know, go look it up. I haven't taken Biology for two years now and my memory of it is fading. I promise you though, there are ways of replicating DNA and scientists have doing it for years. That argument of yours was totally invalid: "how did the DNA get out of the cell membrane?" they were experimenting with it. They already had samples prepared.
6. Why did Umbreon try to fight when HO-OH couldn't succeed? Well, if you read the chapter, you'll notice that Umbreon didn't take over the battle completely but fought alongside HO-OH. Umbreion + HO-OH = better than HO-OH alone. Get it? Plus, Umbreon had the type advantage.
7. I'm starting to think that you might have skimmed some of the chapters because that was written right in there. L.O.A. was at Matthew Patterson's house and they heard a gun shot. That is what lead them to Victor's house. And Susan and Tom tryed to force that guy to go with them because his life was in danger. Should they have left him to die whenever Deoxys re surfaced?
8. Billy's flashback definitely DID explain Mewtwo's ability. He says in the final lines of the flashback sequence how Jirachi showed up and how both he and Celebii both lended billy their powers of dominion over time (Celebii) and wish granting (Jirachi). Here, I'll post the exact quote right here.
Thank you for your review, I appreciate the time that you took to read my fic. I wholly appreciate you pointing out flaws that you see in my story and will take the valid ones into consideration.
1. With your analysis of the space shuttle landing you failed to realize that I never said anaything about people being in the shuttle. Deoxys was the only one alive in the shuttle when it landed. Okay and with the Mach 25 thing, have you ever seen space shuttle Columbia return from a flight at speeds anywhere near that? It was a reusable space shuttle, those usually land on runways. I know this isn't an accurate scientific resource, but have you seen the movie THE CORE? In one of the earlier scenes a shuttle is returning from some kind of orbital mission (kinda like the one in my story) and all of the astronauts land in a city water way. They weren't going any where near the speeds you suggest are normal for shuttle re-entry. Maybe you're thinking about those capsules that don't have the wings that space shuttles have today. So, now that the speed issue is cleared up, it seems likely that the shuttle would not have broken up on contact with the ocean and even more plausible that it would not have gone down to the bottom of the ocean floor because, not having broken up, the bouyant force provided by the water would be enought to resurface it.
2. With the Bannette thing, I do see your point with there being strength in numbers. But you contradicted yourself a little bit. You said that it would take hundreds of shadow balls from hundreds of Bannette to beat Latios and then you turned around and said that they shouldn't have been afraid of a pokemon who has a type advantage against them and that they shouldn't have fled because of their low defensive stats? If they are so weak that it takes hundreds of them using hundreds of shadow balls (an attack that is physical and ghost which plays on two of Latios' weaknesses; average defense vs. Bannette's high attack, and weakness to ghost types) why would they stick around and face someone with a type advantage when they had none if they are so weak? Here, you're making Latios sound too strong and the Bannette too weak. A good group of ten Bannette could've easily killed a Latios had Susan not shown up. In this story the legendaries are not gods as you seem to be trying to make them out to be. Latios is only legendary because he is one of the strongest dragons and strongest psychics and because he is one of a kind. Nothing more.
3. I totally agree with you on the fact that I shouldn't put Author's Notes right in the middle of the story like I did. I meant to fix that as Burnt Flower warned me about it earlier. And I do admit that the "scene change" and "back to present" things were crude and tacky. I will try and improve on this.
4. With the calming mewtwo down thing: I see what you mean. A better word choice for the thought I was trying to convey probably would've been "the scientists subdued Mewtwo with coercion from an army of dark pokemon." Thank you for your insight into this matter.
Oh, and the part with the Blaziken taking out the guards: I was just hoping the reader would go with it. I know that sounds bad but, until I wrote that chapter, I hadn't really worked out the details of how Billy acquired Mewtwo. So, I just kinda wrote some stuff down. As for Billy's mysterious friend: that is less improbable than the aforementioned dispute. I said that the scientific community as a whole wanted to keep Mewtwo's flaws under wraps but I did not say that there were not individual scientists who had compassion on the creature. It is very likely that a soft-hearted scientist wanted to see Mewtwo escape his bondage and be free. That's not so far fetched.
5. With the DNA thing. I didn't describe the process of the genetic experiments that they were doing in space because I thought that it wasn't neccessary. I was going to leave that up to your Biology teacher. If you want to know, go look it up. I haven't taken Biology for two years now and my memory of it is fading. I promise you though, there are ways of replicating DNA and scientists have doing it for years. That argument of yours was totally invalid: "how did the DNA get out of the cell membrane?" they were experimenting with it. They already had samples prepared.
6. Why did Umbreon try to fight when HO-OH couldn't succeed? Well, if you read the chapter, you'll notice that Umbreon didn't take over the battle completely but fought alongside HO-OH. Umbreion + HO-OH = better than HO-OH alone. Get it? Plus, Umbreon had the type advantage.
7. I'm starting to think that you might have skimmed some of the chapters because that was written right in there. L.O.A. was at Matthew Patterson's house and they heard a gun shot. That is what lead them to Victor's house. And Susan and Tom tryed to force that guy to go with them because his life was in danger. Should they have left him to die whenever Deoxys re surfaced?
8. Billy's flashback definitely DID explain Mewtwo's ability. He says in the final lines of the flashback sequence how Jirachi showed up and how both he and Celebii both lended billy their powers of dominion over time (Celebii) and wish granting (Jirachi). Here, I'll post the exact quote right here.
Ash_Junior
Irredeemable Nerd
okay...
yeah, it was kind of confusing, for me...
and to address some of the things you said:
1) Space Shuttle:
yes, it is true that space shuttles don't land at the extreme velocities that they have when they enter the atmosphere. This is due to a series of maneuvers (known as S-turns) that slow the shuttle down considerably, and then they land as a glider.
2) Latios:
Okay, so Latios isn't a "Legendary" legendary...that's what I was basing my review on. Not that they were gods or anything, but rather extremely powerful Pokes. so...thanks for clearing that up.
4) Mewtwo:
yeah, you probably should've used a better adjective
and the rest can be explained away to my not paying attention, not understanding it correctly, and the fact that Legendaries aren't as powerful as all get out.
yeah, it was kind of confusing, for me...
and to address some of the things you said:
1) Space Shuttle:
yes, it is true that space shuttles don't land at the extreme velocities that they have when they enter the atmosphere. This is due to a series of maneuvers (known as S-turns) that slow the shuttle down considerably, and then they land as a glider.
2) Latios:
Okay, so Latios isn't a "Legendary" legendary...that's what I was basing my review on. Not that they were gods or anything, but rather extremely powerful Pokes. so...thanks for clearing that up.
4) Mewtwo:
yeah, you probably should've used a better adjective
and the rest can be explained away to my not paying attention, not understanding it correctly, and the fact that Legendaries aren't as powerful as all get out.
THE PREQUEL BEGINS
CHAPTER -4
This is the prequel to L.O.A. Protectors of Peace and tells the story of how this legendary team came to be. Each individual chapter will relate the origin of each character and then the fourth chapter will relate the events that brought them together as one and also the forth chapter will reveal what L.O.A. stands for. This first chapter is about Susan’s origin. Enjoy!
On a cold night in the middle of January, a pregnant woman of 35 sat in the back of a car carrying a baby girl. The car sped down the highway and towards the hospital and Mary could feel that the baby’s arrival was near.
“We’re almost there, just hold on sweety.” Mary’s husband, Michael sat in the back of the car with his wife as Mary’s mother drove them to the hospital. He held her small hands in his rough brown hands trying in vain to alleviate some of the pain of labor. They looked into each others eyes and the love they felt for each other and also for their new baby transcended the mother’s feelings of pain for a split second.
At 2:03 Tuesday morning on the 18th of January, Susan Abina Smith was born. As Mary held her sweet baby in her hands, Susan slept peacefully. They drove the baby home the next morning in the same maroon Oldsmobile that they had taken her mother to the hospital in.
“That baby is such a cutie,” said Susan’s grandmother who had been with Mary through the whole ordeal of childbirth.
“Yes she is mother,” Mary said still staring intently into the newborn’s cherubic face. Susan’s dark brown eyes stared back at her mother as they were both in a temporary paradise. Then, like some kind of rude awakening to the sweetest dream, the car began to swerve out of control. There had been an icy spot on the road and Michael hadn’t seen it. Now, as he struggled to regain control of the car, Mary hugged her baby close and said a prayer. Mary’s mother shouted, screamed, and then passed out from the sudden shock. The car continued to spin and was moving closer and closer to the edge of the roadway where there was a steep drop. Michael had on idea what to do and he braced himself for the ensuing crash and the possible loss of his family.
“You can’t die now,” thought Latios as he emerged from seemingly nowhere and stopped the car with his mind. He lifted the car up, placed it back on the road safely, and then disappeared more quickly than he had come. Mary opened her eyes slowly as she no longer felt the car moving. She reached over to her own mother and put her hand on her face.
“Is everyone okay?” Michael asked, surprised that he was still alive and that the car had stopped moving.
“Oh my god!” Mary shouted, “I think mother had a heart attack.” Michael turned the car around and the family rushed back to the hospital. Susan’s grandmother died at 12:37 that afternoon.
Susan grew up with her mother and father never knowing of the ordeal she had been through. She lived an ordinary life completely ignorant of her extraordinary purpose. She graduated from her high school with honors and enrolled full-time into a state college which was a couple hundred miles from where she lived. There she studied archaeology as a major. As a going away present, Susan’s parents had given her her first Pokemon, Tailow. It served mostly as a companion to Susan as she was not too fond of the newly popular Pokemon sport of battling. Her attitude towards this changed one night as she was walking home from the nearest corner store.
“Oh, it got dark quickly,” Susan said as she started to walk faster down the sidewalk. “I’m gonna try and get home as soon as I can.” With this, she cut through an alley between two buildings hoping to save some time on her trip back to her dorm.
“Where ya headed sugar plumb?” a voice said, a man emerging from behind a trash can. Susan started to turn around but was met with another unfriendly face.
“Don’t run sweety,” said an equally creepy sounding voice emanating from the man standing in front of her. They started to close in on her and she screamed.
“Go, Tailow!” The small blue and red bird appeared from its Pokeball completely unaware of the present danger. “Use your gust attack!” Susan said as the callow Pokemon rose up into the air and gave a few flaps of its wings. The men staggered for a moment and then began to laugh.
“Is that all you got?” one of them said, smacking Tailow to the ground. They got closer and closer until they were right upon her and she screamed for help. They pushed her to the ground and stood over her. Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, a small brown fox-like creature came running down the alley growling ferociously. Its long brown ears seemed to be pasted to the back of its head as the wind pushed them back. The Eevee lunged at one of the bums and tackled him to the ground. The Eevee then turned to face the other one and launched himself into the air and struck the criminal right in the stomach. The two criminals fled and the Eevee nudged up against Susan and offered her a helping hand to get off of the ground.
Susan thanked the Eevee and noticed that it didn’t have tags on it or any other means of identification. “Who owns you, little guy?” she said looking down on the one who had just saved her life. The Eevee just stared at her and then it jumped up in her arms and she caught it. “Well, I guess you’re mine then. You’re some kind of guardian angel, you know that?” Susan pulled a pokeball from her purse and provided the Eevee with a place to stay. It wasn’t like a capture though because the Eevee stayed with her by its own will.
“Tailow, return!” Susan said as she aimed Tailow’s pokeball at the injured bird. She hurried back to her dorm never again leaving out at night without her Tailow and Eevee to protect her. This ordeal also led to her becoming more interested in the sport of Pokemon battling. She began to enter into small contests on her campus every weekend. One night, about a year after her finding that Eevee in the alley, was especially exceptional.
“Go, Eevee!” Susan shouted as the little Pokemon emerged from its Pokeball already snarling. It was the last round of the last battle and Susan had already lost Tailow. All that she had to do was beat her opponents Kadabra and she could pay off some of her student loans which had been accumulating over the years with the prize money. Beating this Kadabra would buy her some time with the bank and hopefully stop her spiral into further debt. She had been working one part-time job and these little Pokemon battles were the best way that she knew of getting some extra cash.
“Kadabra, use your psybeam now!” shouted a trainer who was equally determined to win. As the colorful rays shot forth from that yellow-skinned psychic, Susan could see her opponent’s eyes gleaming with delight behind his thick glasses. The psybeam connected for a devastating blow.
“Eevee bite that psychic!” Susan commanded. Eevee got up and quickly was upon his foe with ferocious fangs dripping with darkness prepared for Kadabra. As soon as the attack had been ordered, Eevee had executed it and the Kadabra made a few indecipherable noises that provided phonic evidence of the effectiveness of the attack.
“Kadabra recover yourself!” shouted Susan’s brown-haired opponent, sweat now forming in little beads on his pale forehead.
“Eevee, bite him again!” Susan’s Eevee lunged at her opponent a second time.
“Kadabra, move out of the way,” her opponent said frantically as Kadabra wasn’t finished recovering. The Kadabra wasn’t quick enough and was knocked out by the bite attack from Eevee. The referee raised a flag in Susan’s direction signifying her victory.
“Good battle,” Susan said as she shook her opponent’s hand. Then she looked at Eevee to congratulate it. “You too, little angel.” Eevee did not look at her though and began to be consumed by a dark aura.
“Hey,” said her opponent out loud, “that Eevee is evolving!” Every spectator hushed and all eyes were directed towards the field. Now completely engulfed in darkness, the Eevee emerged from it having become a new creature.
“What is that?” Susan asked, shocked by the whole thing.
“Umbreon!” said her new Umbreon as it ran up to her. From then until that fateful day when she would meet Latios, Umbreon would be her strongest Pokemon. Her Tailow evolved in a similar on-campus contest. She continued to win these battles and continued to pay her loans on time. Things were looking good for Susan.
The final semester of her senior year in college, she was given an actual field assignment. She would be traveling with a group of archaeology majors to help excavate a site in South America.
The days were long but not boring. Susan enjoyed her work more than even most of the other archaeology majors and often could be heard whistling as she gently removed dirt from different artifacts. As a break from their work, some students usually would hike around the forest and just enjoy the natural wildlife. Seviper were a major threat in this jungle though so only those with firs-aid kits and Pokemon usually went hiking. On one occasion, Susan thought that she had spotted some kind of artifact on the path but said nothing. She planned to return later and recover it so that she alone would receive the credit for its discovery.
That night Susan lay in her tent unable to sleep. She was waiting for the right time to slip away from camp and investigate her earlier findings. When it was about midnight, she quietly emerged from her tent carrying only three pokeballs and a flash light. As she wandered deeper into the jungle, she became frightened and was eventually lost. That is when she heard Latios’ cry for help. She followed the sounds and eventually came up on a most horrifying scene. There was the legendary Latios, surrounded by Banette who pounded it relentlessly with Shadow Balls.
“Go, Umbreon!” Susan said emerging from behind a tree where she’d been watching the whole thing. The Banette dispersed as her dark Pokemon snarled, threatening the Banette with a bite attack. She knelt down in front of the Latios to see if it was still alive. Her long black hair, gently moving from side to side, covered her left eye as it shed a tear. She stood five feet, six inches over the luminous blue dragon who now lay prostrate on the ground having been injured by the Banette. She pulled from her jacket a Master Ball that had been given to her by her father whose friend owned the once powerful Silph Company.
“That’s right, I will go with you Susan,” thought the Latios, “but only until your purpose is fulfilled, then I will have no use for you. Wield my power responsibly. I didn’t think we’d meet like this but I’m glad that you’re here. Your destiny to save the world is finally beginning.” The Latios tacitly let itself be captured as Susan carried it off to the nearest Pokemon center on the back of her Swellow.
That is the end of Chapter -4! What do you think? I added a new dimension to the whole being in charge of a legendary thing. Seems that Latios knew and expected this capture. Was it his purpose all along to be captured by this particular human? Find out next time on L.O.A. Protectors of Peace.
CHAPTER -4
This is the prequel to L.O.A. Protectors of Peace and tells the story of how this legendary team came to be. Each individual chapter will relate the origin of each character and then the fourth chapter will relate the events that brought them together as one and also the forth chapter will reveal what L.O.A. stands for. This first chapter is about Susan’s origin. Enjoy!
On a cold night in the middle of January, a pregnant woman of 35 sat in the back of a car carrying a baby girl. The car sped down the highway and towards the hospital and Mary could feel that the baby’s arrival was near.
“We’re almost there, just hold on sweety.” Mary’s husband, Michael sat in the back of the car with his wife as Mary’s mother drove them to the hospital. He held her small hands in his rough brown hands trying in vain to alleviate some of the pain of labor. They looked into each others eyes and the love they felt for each other and also for their new baby transcended the mother’s feelings of pain for a split second.
At 2:03 Tuesday morning on the 18th of January, Susan Abina Smith was born. As Mary held her sweet baby in her hands, Susan slept peacefully. They drove the baby home the next morning in the same maroon Oldsmobile that they had taken her mother to the hospital in.
“That baby is such a cutie,” said Susan’s grandmother who had been with Mary through the whole ordeal of childbirth.
“Yes she is mother,” Mary said still staring intently into the newborn’s cherubic face. Susan’s dark brown eyes stared back at her mother as they were both in a temporary paradise. Then, like some kind of rude awakening to the sweetest dream, the car began to swerve out of control. There had been an icy spot on the road and Michael hadn’t seen it. Now, as he struggled to regain control of the car, Mary hugged her baby close and said a prayer. Mary’s mother shouted, screamed, and then passed out from the sudden shock. The car continued to spin and was moving closer and closer to the edge of the roadway where there was a steep drop. Michael had on idea what to do and he braced himself for the ensuing crash and the possible loss of his family.
“You can’t die now,” thought Latios as he emerged from seemingly nowhere and stopped the car with his mind. He lifted the car up, placed it back on the road safely, and then disappeared more quickly than he had come. Mary opened her eyes slowly as she no longer felt the car moving. She reached over to her own mother and put her hand on her face.
“Is everyone okay?” Michael asked, surprised that he was still alive and that the car had stopped moving.
“Oh my god!” Mary shouted, “I think mother had a heart attack.” Michael turned the car around and the family rushed back to the hospital. Susan’s grandmother died at 12:37 that afternoon.
Susan grew up with her mother and father never knowing of the ordeal she had been through. She lived an ordinary life completely ignorant of her extraordinary purpose. She graduated from her high school with honors and enrolled full-time into a state college which was a couple hundred miles from where she lived. There she studied archaeology as a major. As a going away present, Susan’s parents had given her her first Pokemon, Tailow. It served mostly as a companion to Susan as she was not too fond of the newly popular Pokemon sport of battling. Her attitude towards this changed one night as she was walking home from the nearest corner store.
“Oh, it got dark quickly,” Susan said as she started to walk faster down the sidewalk. “I’m gonna try and get home as soon as I can.” With this, she cut through an alley between two buildings hoping to save some time on her trip back to her dorm.
“Where ya headed sugar plumb?” a voice said, a man emerging from behind a trash can. Susan started to turn around but was met with another unfriendly face.
“Don’t run sweety,” said an equally creepy sounding voice emanating from the man standing in front of her. They started to close in on her and she screamed.
“Go, Tailow!” The small blue and red bird appeared from its Pokeball completely unaware of the present danger. “Use your gust attack!” Susan said as the callow Pokemon rose up into the air and gave a few flaps of its wings. The men staggered for a moment and then began to laugh.
“Is that all you got?” one of them said, smacking Tailow to the ground. They got closer and closer until they were right upon her and she screamed for help. They pushed her to the ground and stood over her. Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, a small brown fox-like creature came running down the alley growling ferociously. Its long brown ears seemed to be pasted to the back of its head as the wind pushed them back. The Eevee lunged at one of the bums and tackled him to the ground. The Eevee then turned to face the other one and launched himself into the air and struck the criminal right in the stomach. The two criminals fled and the Eevee nudged up against Susan and offered her a helping hand to get off of the ground.
Susan thanked the Eevee and noticed that it didn’t have tags on it or any other means of identification. “Who owns you, little guy?” she said looking down on the one who had just saved her life. The Eevee just stared at her and then it jumped up in her arms and she caught it. “Well, I guess you’re mine then. You’re some kind of guardian angel, you know that?” Susan pulled a pokeball from her purse and provided the Eevee with a place to stay. It wasn’t like a capture though because the Eevee stayed with her by its own will.
“Tailow, return!” Susan said as she aimed Tailow’s pokeball at the injured bird. She hurried back to her dorm never again leaving out at night without her Tailow and Eevee to protect her. This ordeal also led to her becoming more interested in the sport of Pokemon battling. She began to enter into small contests on her campus every weekend. One night, about a year after her finding that Eevee in the alley, was especially exceptional.
“Go, Eevee!” Susan shouted as the little Pokemon emerged from its Pokeball already snarling. It was the last round of the last battle and Susan had already lost Tailow. All that she had to do was beat her opponents Kadabra and she could pay off some of her student loans which had been accumulating over the years with the prize money. Beating this Kadabra would buy her some time with the bank and hopefully stop her spiral into further debt. She had been working one part-time job and these little Pokemon battles were the best way that she knew of getting some extra cash.
“Kadabra, use your psybeam now!” shouted a trainer who was equally determined to win. As the colorful rays shot forth from that yellow-skinned psychic, Susan could see her opponent’s eyes gleaming with delight behind his thick glasses. The psybeam connected for a devastating blow.
“Eevee bite that psychic!” Susan commanded. Eevee got up and quickly was upon his foe with ferocious fangs dripping with darkness prepared for Kadabra. As soon as the attack had been ordered, Eevee had executed it and the Kadabra made a few indecipherable noises that provided phonic evidence of the effectiveness of the attack.
“Kadabra recover yourself!” shouted Susan’s brown-haired opponent, sweat now forming in little beads on his pale forehead.
“Eevee, bite him again!” Susan’s Eevee lunged at her opponent a second time.
“Kadabra, move out of the way,” her opponent said frantically as Kadabra wasn’t finished recovering. The Kadabra wasn’t quick enough and was knocked out by the bite attack from Eevee. The referee raised a flag in Susan’s direction signifying her victory.
“Good battle,” Susan said as she shook her opponent’s hand. Then she looked at Eevee to congratulate it. “You too, little angel.” Eevee did not look at her though and began to be consumed by a dark aura.
“Hey,” said her opponent out loud, “that Eevee is evolving!” Every spectator hushed and all eyes were directed towards the field. Now completely engulfed in darkness, the Eevee emerged from it having become a new creature.
“What is that?” Susan asked, shocked by the whole thing.
“Umbreon!” said her new Umbreon as it ran up to her. From then until that fateful day when she would meet Latios, Umbreon would be her strongest Pokemon. Her Tailow evolved in a similar on-campus contest. She continued to win these battles and continued to pay her loans on time. Things were looking good for Susan.
The final semester of her senior year in college, she was given an actual field assignment. She would be traveling with a group of archaeology majors to help excavate a site in South America.
The days were long but not boring. Susan enjoyed her work more than even most of the other archaeology majors and often could be heard whistling as she gently removed dirt from different artifacts. As a break from their work, some students usually would hike around the forest and just enjoy the natural wildlife. Seviper were a major threat in this jungle though so only those with firs-aid kits and Pokemon usually went hiking. On one occasion, Susan thought that she had spotted some kind of artifact on the path but said nothing. She planned to return later and recover it so that she alone would receive the credit for its discovery.
That night Susan lay in her tent unable to sleep. She was waiting for the right time to slip away from camp and investigate her earlier findings. When it was about midnight, she quietly emerged from her tent carrying only three pokeballs and a flash light. As she wandered deeper into the jungle, she became frightened and was eventually lost. That is when she heard Latios’ cry for help. She followed the sounds and eventually came up on a most horrifying scene. There was the legendary Latios, surrounded by Banette who pounded it relentlessly with Shadow Balls.
“Go, Umbreon!” Susan said emerging from behind a tree where she’d been watching the whole thing. The Banette dispersed as her dark Pokemon snarled, threatening the Banette with a bite attack. She knelt down in front of the Latios to see if it was still alive. Her long black hair, gently moving from side to side, covered her left eye as it shed a tear. She stood five feet, six inches over the luminous blue dragon who now lay prostrate on the ground having been injured by the Banette. She pulled from her jacket a Master Ball that had been given to her by her father whose friend owned the once powerful Silph Company.
“That’s right, I will go with you Susan,” thought the Latios, “but only until your purpose is fulfilled, then I will have no use for you. Wield my power responsibly. I didn’t think we’d meet like this but I’m glad that you’re here. Your destiny to save the world is finally beginning.” The Latios tacitly let itself be captured as Susan carried it off to the nearest Pokemon center on the back of her Swellow.
That is the end of Chapter -4! What do you think? I added a new dimension to the whole being in charge of a legendary thing. Seems that Latios knew and expected this capture. Was it his purpose all along to be captured by this particular human? Find out next time on L.O.A. Protectors of Peace.
CHAPTER -3
This chapter will be Billy’s story. I was surprised that no one made a fuss over Tom’s lack of back story in Protectors of Peace but I’m saving that until the end.
It was the first time he would’ve ever been on an airplane and William Tsusaki was a very nervous five-year-old. His mother had died only a month before and now he was being flown to Japan to live with his father. He didn’t have many relatives in America and his father was the only one who could provide him with a home. So, he sat there with his aunt who would accompany him on his way to Japan and then return to America after he was settled.
Noticing that the child was nervous, his aunt said “Don’t worry Billy everything will be fine. You’re going to your daddy’s house. Aren’t you excited about seeing daddy again?” With this, Billy looked up at his aunt and his eyes watered a little bit as he thought about his papa.
Only a year before she died, Billy’s mom had left his father because of his lack of interest in their marriage. Every thing that Billy’s father, Totsuri, did was for the purpose of finding some legendary sky dragon. Billy’s mom was tired of him squandering the family’s financial resources researching some legend that might not even exist. It was one day in particular that drove her away.
* * *
“Elizabeth please!” Totsuri said to his wife in an exasperated tone. He kept his gaze fixed on his newly acquired materials concerning the legend and whereabouts of Rayquaza, the legendary sky dragon.
“Listen to me, Toto!” she said, a healthy looking woman of 32 who was now standing on the thresh hold of Totsuri’s home office. The nickname that she had for him, once a loving utterance of affection, now took on a tone of disrespect and condescension. “We need things around the house like clothes for little Billy, we need to buy food, we need to spend time together as a family.” Her words merely annoyed the now standing Totsuri. He approached her and they stood face to face. He looked into her dark black eyes and prepared to relate his dream to her once more as she prepared to hear his apology and promise of a new outlook on their marriage.
“Finding Rayquaza would be the best thing that ever happened to me or you. Think of how much money we could attain from an endeavor of this importance. I’d be credited with finding the site of the legendary dragon and our fame and fortune would never…” he stopped as he saw tears running down his wife’s sandy colored cheeks. Billy began to cry in the background as if by cue from his mother’s tears.
“I must attend to the baby,” Elizabeth said as she left her husband’s sight. That night, she took the baby and fled to America where she would stay close to her sister for the next year until she died.
* * *
Their flight was set to leave in 10 minutes and Billy and his aunt hastened to the appropriate gate. They boarded the plane and took their seats. Billy sat next to the window and his aunt sat beside him next to the aisle. Preparations having been completed, the plane began to slowly move down the runway gaining speed rapidly until finally it lifted off of the ground. It was two hours after they had initially lifted off of the ground and the flight, uneventful besides a few instances of turbulence, was a lot less stressful than Billy had thought it would be. He closed his eyes and prepared for a nap.
His aunt watched him as he slept wishing she had the resources and time to take care of this little child. She wondered how he would adapt to the strange land that he was about to embark upon. Then, a deafening boom followed by a large explosion in the rear of the plane upset Billy’s peaceful slumber. The plane began to shake violently and Billy began to cry as the rest of the passengers screamed in horror. The interior of the plane was on fire and the tail wings of the plane had been blown off. The plane started in a nose dive and the passengers began to spiral down towards a watery grave in the Pacific Ocean.
“Oh my god,” Billy’s aunt said as she held onto Billy and her seat. Outside of the window, Billy could see two dragons, blue in color with red wings and white under bellies. They were firing powerful fire blasts at the plane as they flew around it. Billy’s attention was drawn away from this when a dead flight attendant flew across the walkway and landed in Billy’s lap. He and his aunt screamed with horror and began to prepare for their own deaths when, like a green answer to a prayer, Rayquaza swooped down from out of the sky with lightning clouds surrounding him. Two large thunder clouds accompanied him in his descent and large thunder bolts shocked each of the two Salamence who had been causing trouble. Rayquaza then flew faster until his entire body was under the plane. He began to propel himself upward trying to lift the plane out of its downward spiral.
“Oh please save us!” A woman screamed as Rayquaza tried valiantly to level the plane. The plane got closer and closer to the surface of the ocean and when all looked hopeless, the plane leveled off parallel to the surface of the ocean as Rayquaza flew with it on his back literally inches off of the surface of the Pacific.
* * *
Billy’s father stood on a dock near the eastern coast of Honshu, Japan. He looked into the distance still thinking about how he would finally find the legendary dragon which he had sought for so many years now and for whom he had unwittingly sacrificed his family. Then, in the distance, Totsuri saw a sight which shocked and excited him. He saw a badly damaged airplane moving very quickly across the surface of the ocean. The water twisted and contorted due to the extreme speed with which this plane was approaching the coast. Totsuri, quickly ran to his car and frantically struggled to open his glove compartment where his camera was stored. Before he could get back out to take the picture, the plane was above him and so was the legendary beast that he had searched so long for. He got out of the car and threw down a pokeball.
“Go, Pelipper!” Totsuri said as he quickly hopped on the back of this big white bird. He began to pursue the plane on Pelipper’s back but soon the plane was out of his sight and he hadn’t even gotten a decent picture.
* * *
The plane landed on the runway with Rayquaza above it slowing it down by magnetizing it with his electrical attack and guiding it slowly down to a safe landing on the runway at the correct airport. The surviving passengers had actually arrived at their destination ahead of time. The dragon then slipped away and ascended into the heavens. Billy’s father picked him up from the airport and they both told their stories.
Years later, Totsuri was completely prepared to set out on his journey to discover Rayquaza. He was almost 100% sure of the location of the sky pillar where Rayquaza was said to rest and now he would go there. Billy was now 16 years old and had acquired a Blaziken, a Pidgeotto, and an Alakazam over the years. These Pokemon would accompany him as he went with his father to find Rayquaza. Totsuri had hired the aid of an expedition crew and had bought his own boat. They would search the ocean together to discover Rayquaza’s location.
After days at sea with no luck, “Hey, look at that!” Billy shouted as he pointed in the direction of what seemed to be a smoke signal.
“What is that?” his father asked already ordering the boat to be turned in the direction of the smoke signal. As they got closer, a tower was revealed. At the top of it was the smoke signal. Billy, his father, and the crew all got off of the boat and stepped onto the island that the tower was on.
“That’s gonna be one tought climb,” a crewman said as he stared up to the top of the tower.
“Go, Pelipper!” said Totsuri and he climbed on the back of his blue and white bird. Billy released his Pidgeotto and did the same. They both ascended high into the sky and eventually reached the level from which the smoke signal had been coming from. There they say a rooftop full of Salamence who were launching powerful fire blasts at each other.
“There’s no Rayquaza up here,” Billy said, confused. Pelipper then used a powerful Blizzard attack and froze most of the Salamence with its icy wind also freezing the others with fear. “Go, Alakazam!” Billy used his psychic Pokemon to communicate with the Salamence and they told him that they had muscled in on Rayquaza’s territory and forced him to flee north. With this, Billy recalled his Alakazam and he and his father both flew north, leaving the crew behind.
From the sky, Billy spotted something strange floating in the water amongst the glaciers. It looked like a giant emerald icicle. Billy and Totsuri descended to take a closer look. It turned out to be the legendary dragon, Rayquaza.
“Go, Blaziken!” Billy said as he released his powerful fire Pokemon. Blaziken stood only a little shorter than Billy who was 6 feet tall and his wrists burned with fire as he prepared to strike at Billy’s command. “Use Overheat to warm up that dragon!” As Billy said this, Blaziken’s eyes turned a burning red and flames began to flicker off of his body. The flames grew in number and intensity until Blaziken was completely engulfed in fire. Then, throwing his hands upward, Blaziken emanated fire in all directions. Then he dropped down, exhausted. “Great job, Blaziken. Return.” The dragon was no longer an icicle but neither were surrounding glaciers. Totsuri scrambled to re-freeze the glaciers with his Pelipper’s Blizzard attacks so that he might prevent a disastrous flood from occurring.
Then, Billy pulled from his jacket a Master Ball and lobbed it at the still unconscious Rayquaza.
“You have come to rescue me just as was foretold by Celebii. Now, I will go with you but only until your purpose is fulfilled. Wield my power responsibly Billy,” Rayquaza thought as it was captured into the Master Ball.
It would be another 7 years from then when Billy would capture Mewtwo.
Okay, so that’s the end of Billy’s bio chapter. It was not much different from that one chapter where Rayquaza died but hey. If you are just reading the prequel and want to know how Billy got Mewtwo, follow this link. Read part of Chapter 2
Tom's Backstory...It's going to blow you away!
This chapter will be Billy’s story. I was surprised that no one made a fuss over Tom’s lack of back story in Protectors of Peace but I’m saving that until the end.
It was the first time he would’ve ever been on an airplane and William Tsusaki was a very nervous five-year-old. His mother had died only a month before and now he was being flown to Japan to live with his father. He didn’t have many relatives in America and his father was the only one who could provide him with a home. So, he sat there with his aunt who would accompany him on his way to Japan and then return to America after he was settled.
Noticing that the child was nervous, his aunt said “Don’t worry Billy everything will be fine. You’re going to your daddy’s house. Aren’t you excited about seeing daddy again?” With this, Billy looked up at his aunt and his eyes watered a little bit as he thought about his papa.
Only a year before she died, Billy’s mom had left his father because of his lack of interest in their marriage. Every thing that Billy’s father, Totsuri, did was for the purpose of finding some legendary sky dragon. Billy’s mom was tired of him squandering the family’s financial resources researching some legend that might not even exist. It was one day in particular that drove her away.
* * *
“Elizabeth please!” Totsuri said to his wife in an exasperated tone. He kept his gaze fixed on his newly acquired materials concerning the legend and whereabouts of Rayquaza, the legendary sky dragon.
“Listen to me, Toto!” she said, a healthy looking woman of 32 who was now standing on the thresh hold of Totsuri’s home office. The nickname that she had for him, once a loving utterance of affection, now took on a tone of disrespect and condescension. “We need things around the house like clothes for little Billy, we need to buy food, we need to spend time together as a family.” Her words merely annoyed the now standing Totsuri. He approached her and they stood face to face. He looked into her dark black eyes and prepared to relate his dream to her once more as she prepared to hear his apology and promise of a new outlook on their marriage.
“Finding Rayquaza would be the best thing that ever happened to me or you. Think of how much money we could attain from an endeavor of this importance. I’d be credited with finding the site of the legendary dragon and our fame and fortune would never…” he stopped as he saw tears running down his wife’s sandy colored cheeks. Billy began to cry in the background as if by cue from his mother’s tears.
“I must attend to the baby,” Elizabeth said as she left her husband’s sight. That night, she took the baby and fled to America where she would stay close to her sister for the next year until she died.
* * *
Their flight was set to leave in 10 minutes and Billy and his aunt hastened to the appropriate gate. They boarded the plane and took their seats. Billy sat next to the window and his aunt sat beside him next to the aisle. Preparations having been completed, the plane began to slowly move down the runway gaining speed rapidly until finally it lifted off of the ground. It was two hours after they had initially lifted off of the ground and the flight, uneventful besides a few instances of turbulence, was a lot less stressful than Billy had thought it would be. He closed his eyes and prepared for a nap.
His aunt watched him as he slept wishing she had the resources and time to take care of this little child. She wondered how he would adapt to the strange land that he was about to embark upon. Then, a deafening boom followed by a large explosion in the rear of the plane upset Billy’s peaceful slumber. The plane began to shake violently and Billy began to cry as the rest of the passengers screamed in horror. The interior of the plane was on fire and the tail wings of the plane had been blown off. The plane started in a nose dive and the passengers began to spiral down towards a watery grave in the Pacific Ocean.
“Oh my god,” Billy’s aunt said as she held onto Billy and her seat. Outside of the window, Billy could see two dragons, blue in color with red wings and white under bellies. They were firing powerful fire blasts at the plane as they flew around it. Billy’s attention was drawn away from this when a dead flight attendant flew across the walkway and landed in Billy’s lap. He and his aunt screamed with horror and began to prepare for their own deaths when, like a green answer to a prayer, Rayquaza swooped down from out of the sky with lightning clouds surrounding him. Two large thunder clouds accompanied him in his descent and large thunder bolts shocked each of the two Salamence who had been causing trouble. Rayquaza then flew faster until his entire body was under the plane. He began to propel himself upward trying to lift the plane out of its downward spiral.
“Oh please save us!” A woman screamed as Rayquaza tried valiantly to level the plane. The plane got closer and closer to the surface of the ocean and when all looked hopeless, the plane leveled off parallel to the surface of the ocean as Rayquaza flew with it on his back literally inches off of the surface of the Pacific.
* * *
Billy’s father stood on a dock near the eastern coast of Honshu, Japan. He looked into the distance still thinking about how he would finally find the legendary dragon which he had sought for so many years now and for whom he had unwittingly sacrificed his family. Then, in the distance, Totsuri saw a sight which shocked and excited him. He saw a badly damaged airplane moving very quickly across the surface of the ocean. The water twisted and contorted due to the extreme speed with which this plane was approaching the coast. Totsuri, quickly ran to his car and frantically struggled to open his glove compartment where his camera was stored. Before he could get back out to take the picture, the plane was above him and so was the legendary beast that he had searched so long for. He got out of the car and threw down a pokeball.
“Go, Pelipper!” Totsuri said as he quickly hopped on the back of this big white bird. He began to pursue the plane on Pelipper’s back but soon the plane was out of his sight and he hadn’t even gotten a decent picture.
* * *
The plane landed on the runway with Rayquaza above it slowing it down by magnetizing it with his electrical attack and guiding it slowly down to a safe landing on the runway at the correct airport. The surviving passengers had actually arrived at their destination ahead of time. The dragon then slipped away and ascended into the heavens. Billy’s father picked him up from the airport and they both told their stories.
Years later, Totsuri was completely prepared to set out on his journey to discover Rayquaza. He was almost 100% sure of the location of the sky pillar where Rayquaza was said to rest and now he would go there. Billy was now 16 years old and had acquired a Blaziken, a Pidgeotto, and an Alakazam over the years. These Pokemon would accompany him as he went with his father to find Rayquaza. Totsuri had hired the aid of an expedition crew and had bought his own boat. They would search the ocean together to discover Rayquaza’s location.
After days at sea with no luck, “Hey, look at that!” Billy shouted as he pointed in the direction of what seemed to be a smoke signal.
“What is that?” his father asked already ordering the boat to be turned in the direction of the smoke signal. As they got closer, a tower was revealed. At the top of it was the smoke signal. Billy, his father, and the crew all got off of the boat and stepped onto the island that the tower was on.
“That’s gonna be one tought climb,” a crewman said as he stared up to the top of the tower.
“Go, Pelipper!” said Totsuri and he climbed on the back of his blue and white bird. Billy released his Pidgeotto and did the same. They both ascended high into the sky and eventually reached the level from which the smoke signal had been coming from. There they say a rooftop full of Salamence who were launching powerful fire blasts at each other.
“There’s no Rayquaza up here,” Billy said, confused. Pelipper then used a powerful Blizzard attack and froze most of the Salamence with its icy wind also freezing the others with fear. “Go, Alakazam!” Billy used his psychic Pokemon to communicate with the Salamence and they told him that they had muscled in on Rayquaza’s territory and forced him to flee north. With this, Billy recalled his Alakazam and he and his father both flew north, leaving the crew behind.
From the sky, Billy spotted something strange floating in the water amongst the glaciers. It looked like a giant emerald icicle. Billy and Totsuri descended to take a closer look. It turned out to be the legendary dragon, Rayquaza.
“Go, Blaziken!” Billy said as he released his powerful fire Pokemon. Blaziken stood only a little shorter than Billy who was 6 feet tall and his wrists burned with fire as he prepared to strike at Billy’s command. “Use Overheat to warm up that dragon!” As Billy said this, Blaziken’s eyes turned a burning red and flames began to flicker off of his body. The flames grew in number and intensity until Blaziken was completely engulfed in fire. Then, throwing his hands upward, Blaziken emanated fire in all directions. Then he dropped down, exhausted. “Great job, Blaziken. Return.” The dragon was no longer an icicle but neither were surrounding glaciers. Totsuri scrambled to re-freeze the glaciers with his Pelipper’s Blizzard attacks so that he might prevent a disastrous flood from occurring.
Then, Billy pulled from his jacket a Master Ball and lobbed it at the still unconscious Rayquaza.
“You have come to rescue me just as was foretold by Celebii. Now, I will go with you but only until your purpose is fulfilled. Wield my power responsibly Billy,” Rayquaza thought as it was captured into the Master Ball.
It would be another 7 years from then when Billy would capture Mewtwo.
Okay, so that’s the end of Billy’s bio chapter. It was not much different from that one chapter where Rayquaza died but hey. If you are just reading the prequel and want to know how Billy got Mewtwo, follow this link. Read part of Chapter 2
Tom's Backstory...It's going to blow you away!
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