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Legends, Memes and Explosions!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by MidnightFennekin, Jan 26, 2013.


Who's the funniest character so far?

  1. Xerneas

    0 vote(s)
  2. Ho-oh

    1 vote(s)
  3. Yvetal

    0 vote(s)
  1. MidnightFennekin

    MidnightFennekin Furfrou Fanatic

    Legends, Memes and Explosions!

    Chapter 1: The Rainbow Shitting Ho-oh!

    PM List
    (Just PM/VM me if you want on!)
    Nobody Yet, Be the First!

    Very Important Person PM List

    (May be unsuitable for younger readers)

    X dashed through a majestic forest, the resident Pokemon looking on in awe.

    She stopped for a minute, and let her head drop, soon followed by her body.
    She was drifting into a peaceful slumber, which she hadn’t had since her epic battle with that hot-headed foe.

    “Wooper Gangbang Style!” A loud, tone-deaf voice half-screamed, half sang.

    X suddenly woke up into a battle stance.

    “What in the name of Arceus’s pale a-ss is that damn racket!” X shouted.

    A large silhouette appeared in the sky, a rainbow coming from its a-ss area.

    X was sure it was her nemesis, Y.

    But, wait! Y didn’t sing, and X was as sure as f-uck that he didn’t s-hit rainbows!

    X did the only rational thing. The blobs of light on her antlers all turned purple, and she hurled a powerful blob of Toxic attack at the large rainbow pooper.

    “Mother F-ucker!” A deafening scream came from the singing bird, and it started to fall to earth.

    X created a brilliant barrier of blue light around herself as the thing crash landed a few feet away from her. The barrier then faded.

    The large bird stood up, and started to blether in an unmistakably male voice.

    “Please don’t kill me! I’m too beautiful and young to die!” The mystery ‘mon pleaded.

    X realised that it was a red/orange bird, with wings tipped with green and a golden tail like an explosion. It had stopped farting colours.

    “If that thing was in a tomato box and had an Italian accent, and I had a sex change, a German accent and a stick, then this would be Hetalia.” X thought to herself.

    “Wait, you’re a strange… um… Sawsbuck!?” It said, going from a panicked voice to a suspicious one. “Are you one of those Fakemon I’ve heard about?”

    “Oh, hell no asswipe! I’m Princess Xerneas, daughter of King Cobalion and Queen Virizion, their only child, and niece to Sir Terrakion and Dame Keldeo. And you, tone-deaf rainbow shitter?” Xerneas angrily replied, trying her best royal voice.

    “I heard of you, I was a starting High School during your Senior year at High School! I’m Sir Ho-Oh, son of ex-mortal enemies Sir Groudon and Dame Kyogre, twin brother and nemesis of Dame Lugia and god of colour.” The bird, Ho-oh said back.

    “Umm, two things… How the f-uck, unless you’re adopted, do a killer whale and a f-ucking lizard give birth to birds, and two, you’re related to Dame Lugia? That b-itch stole one of my potential jobs! Now I’ve got a shitty job at Wal-mart and I have to wait until they reveal my types and some attacks before I’m useful in this story!” Xerneas replied.

    “Yup, she’s a b-itch.” Ho-oh replied.

    “Wanna team up on her? I’m going to Temporal Hill. Silver Seas is on the way.”

    “Temporal Hill? The home of Dialga?”

    “Yup, pretty much, I’m gonna get him to fast forward time to October, I want to know if I’m in Ubers or not, or If more people pick X version than Y or If I’m better competitively!” Xerneas declared.

    “Is Nyan Raikou a meme! Of course I will, I need to know If I get something else to get rid of that f-ucking a-sshole Stealth Rock, Well, my Hidden Ability Regenerator was nice but required switching!” Ho-oh declared back.

    “But first, we’ll need some tacos! Lots and lots and lots and lots! And maybe some Coke too. But not the drug, I mean the cola ” Xerneas explained.

    “I’ve got some awesome possum tacos left from my trip to Mexico yesterday!” Ho-oh pulled out a bag from hammer space, took out a taco, put the bag back to nowhere, and then shoved it into his mouth.

    At that moment, a huge double rainbow exploded out of Ho-oh’s a-ss or tail or whatever the f-ucking hell it is.

    “Double ar-se rainbow! It’s so intense!” Xerneas said in awe.

    “Sorry, Mexican food makes me gassy!” Ho-oh said, embarrassed.

    Y was facing his new companion, who’d literally he just bumped into. He recognised it from high school, and once he randomly told it about a bit of his plan it asked if they could hang.

    (Y isn’t the sharpest tool in the drawer!)

    Y then took to the skies, hell bent on finding Xerneas. His companion followed.

    “Yvetal, Any chance that we can kill that as-shole and your nemesis on the way to talk to Jirati… I mean Giratina? Its lair at is only a few hundred miles away from the Distortion World portal.” Yvetal’s mysterious companion yearned.

    “Ok, he’ll be like a secret boss! That n00b will die!” Yvetal replied.

    “Why are we even going to talk to Giratina?”

    “Actually, we’re gonna kill him. There have been rumours that I’ll be part fighting so I want that dick out of my way!” Yvetal explained.

    It swam through limbo. It was unaware if it was aquatic or if it lived on land or soared through skies.

    It couldn’t remember its name, or why it was in this hell hole. He could only remember little. Xerneas and Yvetal. Xerneas was a beautiful girl and it and Yvetal were very good friends. But then something happened.

    It couldn’t remember, but now he felt as if he wanted to kill both. He didn’t know why, he just wanted to. But it wanted to kill another.

    “You want to destroy all three. Xerneas, Yvetal and Palkia. They betrayed you. Know they’ll pay.” A voice inside his head commanded.

    “Yes master!” It replied.

    Hey guys, some bittersweet news! I'm scrapping Pokemon school version for this. I'm sorry, I just like this better, and It suits my writing style better.

    Anyway, before I get complained at, I'm gonna explain some things.

    Legends are aware of our world, and Arceus gets news from this world. Legends gain power as things are revelad about them.

    And of you didn't gather it, Xerneas used Toxic and Protect, two moves nearly all Pokemon can learn, so I'm just assuming.

    I'm not gonna reveal what "It" is, so don't ask.

    Edit: Sorry for all the censors, I've put a - between the first and second letter of each swears so they'll show up. Chances are of you see a - in a strange place it'll be to counter censoring, not part of the speach.
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2013
  2. Quilava42

    Quilava42 Blazing Flowers

    I'm not really sure why you would censor words. You said "unsuitable for children". The censors makes it hard for me to understand what you mean, like:

    Which part of the body do you mean? It's OK to just say it.


    But that's all I have to say on the content. This is entertaining to read, especially Xerneas and Yveltal.
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2013
  3. MidnightFennekin

    MidnightFennekin Furfrou Fanatic

    I didn't censor it, it must've automatically done it. And most of the censors were a-s-s.

    And yeah, I meant Pokemon. I'm trying to use a bit of slang.
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2013
  4. MidnightFennekin

    MidnightFennekin Furfrou Fanatic

    Legends, Memes and Explosions

    Chapter 2: Ourgayass, God of Shite

    “I’m just saying Ho-oh, Arse-ee-a-ss is a shitty name for a god. ‘Shitty’! Seen what I did there!” Xerneas explained to her new travel partner and friend, Ho-oh.

    “His name is pronounced Ar-Kay-Uss!” Ho-oh explained back angrily, as he had uttermost respect for the deity.

    “That’s worse! It sounds like ‘Our Gay a-ss!’ what is he, god of Justin Bieber shite!?” Xerneas argued.

    Despite his respect for the all-powerful Pokemon, Ho-oh had to stifle a laugh.

    “Damn, she is cute and funny!” Ho-oh thought.

    “Numa-numa-nay!” A small, feminine voice echoed through the forest.

    A small, pink Pokemon appeared in front of the duo, and started to speak.

    “Hey sexy lady, would you like a date? I’ve got weapons of a-ss destruction.” The small pink, apparently male poofter said to Xerneas while pointing to his… twig? That thing was small!

    “Oh great, another tone-deaf bastard that’s gonna stalk me.” Xerneas groaned. She quickly looked at Ho-oh and said. “No offense, but your Gangbang Style sounds like a Glameow getting raped by a back waxer…”

    “Well, at least my junk is existent compared to that little pink… elf? Spirit thing.” Ho-oh shrugged off Xerneas’ comment.

    “Hey, what I lack in size, I make up for in technique. The name’s Mespirit.” The near dickless magenta/pink thingy said.

    “Mespirit? As in God of Emotions? Ha! You might as well be god of paedophiles!” Ho-oh spoke back.

    “I feel a powerful emotion… My lust for this woman.” Mespirit retaliated.

    “I don’t know if I want to pinch your cheek or kick your tiny little dick…” Xerneas admitted.

    “So, anyway, want me to play with your arse?” The paedophilic emotion god asked.

    “No, but I’d enjoy kicking yours.” Xerneas stated.

    “I’m just gonna stalk you until you accept.” Mespirit also stated.

    “I’ve been following her lead for two days through this damned forest. Most people can’t last an hour. She’s hard to crack.” Ho-oh then chirped in.

    “Fine, stalk away. We needed useless as s-hit bit of cannon fodder anyway.” Xerneas announced.

    “Yes!” Mespirit cheered.

    “No!” Ho-oh moaned.

    “I hope the next dickhead we walk into can actually sing and isn’t a stupid bastard.” Xerneas thought to herself.

    “You ready yet Yvetal?” The mysterious companion asked.

    “Nope! I’ve still gotta get some catnip! When I sprinkle this over Xerneas, all the feline Pokemon within a mile will bite her in attempt to get it!” Yvetal announced.

    “Don’t pull too hard! If you do you might fall back and the catnip will go all ove…”

    Too late, Yvetal was already on the floor covered in cat drugs.

    “****. I’m gonna get my balls bit off by rabid kitties.” Yvetal moaned.

    At that moment, thousands of Purrloin poured into the small forest clearing the two magnificent bird Pokemon had rested in.

    “Motherf-uckingshitholesonofab-itch!” Yvetal screamed. But soon, screaming turned into laughter.

    “Aww they are just so bloody cute! Stop licking me!”

    Then, a giant rainbow thunder cloud playing techno music appeared.

    “Nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya!” A giant rainbow farting Raikou with a food body appeared.

    “Oh, you. It’s on like Dinky King!” The mystery companion blurted.

    “Aren’t you surprised she’s attacking Nyan Raikou?” A small Purrloin asked.

    “F-uck no. That bi-tch hates everybody.” Yvetal casually replied.

    “So, are we there yet?” Mespirit asked.

    “Xerneas will tell you when we’re there, dicks for hair!” Ho-oh said, annoyed.

    “He’s right…” Xerneas admitted.

    “That’s it Ho-mo! I’m sick of you! I challenge you to a battle!” Mespirit announced.

    “Earthquake!!!” Ho-oh screamed. He launched himself at the ground, talons first. He then caused a seismic wave, which did a lot of… nothing to Mespirit.

    “Levitate, b-itch! Psyshock!” Mespirit was surrounded by purple blobs, which he then launched at the grounded bird.

    “Ow, you bastard! Time for Brave Bird!” Ho-oh was surrounded by red light, and flew out of sight. He then came back into sight, with a giant red Ho-oh avatar around him. As he approached
    Mespirit, the avatar launched itself at Mespirit, with a now bulked up Ho-oh trailing behind it. Both birds, physical and avatar, struck Mespirit. The surrounding forest’s water coated oak trees rustled violently, droplets surrounding the battle scene.

    “Calm Mind!” Mespirit shouted, and then he focused, and the area around him turned still. Then the whole world went into fast motion, then normal.”

    “Punishment!” Ho-oh screamed, and a dark whip of energy slapped Mespirit, nearly destroying it. Ho-oh then flew up with a near fainted Mespirit in his talons, and then threw him in the air. Ho-oh’s maw glew blue, and then a massive blast of purple fire erupted from it, and then Mespirit was scorched.

    “Okay… you win, asshole… for now…” Mespirit announced.

    “Now will you f-uck off?” Ho-oh hopefully asked.

    “Hell no.” Mespirit announced.


    “That… *pant* bastard *pant* was *pant* a prick!*pant*” The mystery Pokemon groaned. She spread her wings and started to talk again, but she realised that Yvetal was on a laptop.

    “No! No! No! No! Nooooo!” Yvetal screamed.

    “What... *pant* now?” The mystery companion complained.

    “This scan says I’ll be a Dark/Dragon… That’s a-gonna piss of a lot of Hydreigon. There’s thousands of millions of them worldwide, and about half of them have gave me hate mail!” Yvetal cried.

    “That thing?” The mysterious trio master asked her companion. “It’s probably fake. If it was real, Celebi.Net would’ve kept it posted, stupid.”

    “O-ok….” Yvetal replied.

    “Hey, Xerny… Can I call you that? Why are we on this quest?” Mespirit asked.

    “Okay horney love god, It’s because I want to speed the world to October so I can be a proper Pokemon!” Xerneas claimed.

    “Hey, Xerneas! CoroCoro’s due to leak any day. You could get your Type, Ability and one or two moves!” Ho-oh remembered.

    “Ok, Ho-oh-ho-oh-oh-h-“ Xerneas started, before a blast of water energy zipped past them, and five weird bug/cyborg Pokemon appeared before them.

    “We’re 1DS, or 1 DiSection, that’s what makes you my prey!” The supposed leader said, red unlike the rest.

    Hey guys, hope you enjoy this chapter! So I'm gonna do this thing: whoever guesses the Pokemon the "Mystery Companion" is will get a preview of a rough draft of next chapter, and an automatic place on my own special VIPPM list. This list is only for certain people, like first Person who reviewed, first PMer and stuff, but only if you PM me to get on if you done something of the sort.

    So here's the rules for this little competition:

    1) Guess the mystery Pokemon, and give me a nature and moveset you'd think that'd fit her.
    2) PM so others don't steal your wonderful Ideas!

    And also, anyone know how to get ridn of this censoring?

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