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Living In Shadows (PG-14)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Mevejuma, Sep 8, 2011.

  1. Mevejuma

    Mevejuma Well-Known Member

    So, I've decided to enter the realm of Pokemon fan-fiction with a story of my own. I've rated it PG-14 because the main characters are in their late teens, so swearing and sexual content will be present - though nothing heavy - and there will also be a few scenes of violence, but likely nothing more than a bloody nose/lip in terms of gore. So, without further ado, I present to you: Living In Shadows.

    Volt Trainer


    Chapter 1: Sowing the Seeds

    “Oi, Rodrigo! We’ve still got some jobs left; get up off your arse!” A voice bellowed, disturbing the serene atmosphere of the late evening. The boy being called was perched on a sizeable rock, his hazel eyes fixated on the sun setting over the fields. His name was Rodrigo Campos, and though he was seventeen years of age, he spent his days working a farm with his best friend, Gilbert Underwood. Gilbert was nineteen, and was starting to grow tired of the farmhand lifestyle, yearning for something more.
    There was a period of silence before a tall figure sat down next to Rodrigo, slightly hunched over as he, too, looked out over the horizon.

    “What’s on your mind, man?” Gilbert asked, keeping his gaze towards the sun. He had seen Rodrigo like this many times before; blank stare, solemn expression, hands together and incredibly still. He knew exactly what the problem was, but had always thought it best for Rodrigo to talk to him, rather than be left alone.

    “I just wish they were still here”, Rodrigo uttered softly, shifting his gaze towards the ground, before looking over to see Gilbert’s green eyes looking back at him sympathetically, half-covered by the dark brown mess that was his hair, “It was eight years ago today that they died, eight years.”

    Gilbert mustered a reassuring smile, it was hard for him to empathise with someone losing their parents, but he knew Rodrigo was only upset for one day of the year – September 4th, the day of the car collision. Rodrigo had lived with Gilbert and his family since then, so the two had developed a strong friendship, especially since Rodrigo’s older brother lived away from home. Despite this, though, he had never been good at the reassuring conversations when Rodrigo was down.

    “I know it’s hard, man, but you’ll be alright, you always are,” Gilbert said in a comforting manner, ruffling Rodrigo’s spiked, black hair, “Come on, you go and get some sleep, and I’ll finish off the last few jobs.”

    Rodrigo smiled faintly, he knew Gilbert was trying his best, and he appreciated it, but things had never been easy for him, so he had become accustomed to accepting difficulties and storing them inside him, where he’d never have to let anyone see. Rising from the rock, Rodrigo placed his hand on Gilbert’s shoulder to show his appreciation, before silently making his way back to their home, only looking back when he heard Gilbert’s exasperated cries and cusses from a Miltank using Stomp on his foot.

    As Rodrigo came down for breakfast the following morning, he saw that Gilbert was lacing his shoes, rather than putting on his work boots.
    “Are you going out somewhere?” He asked, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

    “Yeah, just into Garrison Wharf to get a few things,” Gilbert replied, before finishing his laces and jumping upright, “You want to come?”

    “Sure, I’ll just throw on some clothes and grab some toast,” he answered, turning back upstairs and into his room. He pulled on a new pair of jeans from the cupboard, as well as a black tee and his favourite green jacket, before pausing in front of the mirror to apply some wax to his hair. “Perfect,” he muttered, checking out his reflection. He was in a better mood than yesterday, which was made better still by the toasted cheese sandwich that awaited him downstairs.

    Garrison Wharf was just a short walk from the farm, and the town itself was situated on the west bank of a very large bay. It housed a large warehouse district as storage for supplies bound for the nearby Callerstrand City, as well as being the location of the headquarters for Marshall Hotels – a chain of hotels located in Callerstrand City, owned and founded by Dennis Marshall. All of this was located on the east side of town next to the docks, to provide quick unloading for ships, while the west side of town included housing and shops for the local population. To the south, there was a road leading to a lighthouse based on a rocky cape, though a dense forest prevented the road from going any farther south. Out north was a road leading through another forest towards Callerstrand City, with a tall mountain range visible over the treetops.

    “Okay then, all we need to get is some bread, toilet paper and the latest issue of the Cerulean Sisters’ magazine” Gilbert recited, while reading from the list his mother gave him, “I’ll tell you what, I would give it to Daisy. Hard.”

    “Suit yourself,” Rodrigo scoffed, “I would take Lily over Daisy any day!”

    “No way, man, Daisy’s a blonde, she wins hands down!” Gilbert retorted.

    “It’s not all about the hair you know,” fired Rodrigo, “Lily has a cuter face, and her figure is more appealing if you ask me.” The debate raged on as the boys walked down the street and into the shop, getting more intense as soon as they had the magazine in hand to compare pictures once they had left the store.

    “Look, Daisy has this long, flowing hair compared to Lily’s shorter cut,” Gilbert argued, sliding his finger down the page, “not to mention she’s got bigger boobs! Case closed.” He shut the magazine and stowed it in his bag with the other items, before anybody could see two guys reading a girly magazine in the middle of the street.

    “It’s not just appearance though, Lily seems a lot nicer and funnier from her interviews,” Rodrigo said dreamily, though his thoughts were interrupted by a police car speeding by towards the warehouse district, sirens wailing. “I wonder what’s going on,” He pondered, glancing down the street after the car, “Nothing ever happens around here, so it can’t be anything seri-” He stopped abruptly. In the sky, he saw a Salamence gliding into the warehouse district, which could only mean one thing.

    “Okay, I guess this means it’s serious,” said Gilbert, as he turned to Rodrigo, “Do you want to go check it out? It could be interesting, and anyway, it’s been a little over a year, it will be good for you to see him.”

    “Yeah, I guess it would be,” Rodrigo mumbled, lost in thought about what he was going to say upon arriving. With that, the boys started running towards the east side of town, weaving through pedestrians and the wild Snubbull and Meowth that lived on the streets. Only being a small town, it didn’t take long for them to reach the edge of the warehouse district, where they found a small congregation of police officers outside the headquarters of Marshall Hotels. As the boys stood there and surveyed the scene, a familiar figure with messy, black hair spotted them and walked briskly towards them.

    “Hey little brother, you’re looking well!” the man said warmly, embracing Rodrigo, “You’ve done a good job looking after him Gilbert!” He continued, shaking Gilbert’s hand. The man was Rodrigo’s older brother, Fernando, and at twenty-six, there was a reasonable age gap between them. It wasn’t very often that they saw each other, however, as Fernando was the champion of the Ghaicia region, meaning he had to spend a lot of time in other places, representing the Ghaicia region, attending public events, holding meetings and investigating situations such as the one that was currently unfolding. “What brings you guys here then?” He questioned, looking from Rodrigo to Gilbert.

    “Well, we were just in town buying a few things,” Gilbert explained, “when we saw a police car and your Salamence, so we wanted to come check it out.” Fernando turned to face the tall building that was Marshall Hotels’ headquarters, raising his right arm to point in its general direction.

    “Just behind the offices for MH, there are a couple of warehouses that belong specifically to them,” Fernando began, “and it seems that two of them were broken into as well as some of the offices.” He looked back at the boys with a puzzled expression, “The only problem is that there is little to no evidence, other than what’s missing. It was a clean job. They knew exactly what they were doing.” He folded his hands behind his head, clearly trying to piece things together in his mind.

    “Well, are there no suspects? Perhaps it was an inside job?” Rodrigo suggested, only for Fernando to shake his head quite certainly.

    “Alyssa has quite firm background checks on her employees, seeing as they’re dealing with all kinds of customers,” He answered, before raising his finger, “She does seem to think, however, that Hanson Resorts may have had a hand in this, seeing as they’re stiff competition for tourists.”

    “So what are you waiting for? Go check ‘em out!” Gilbert exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. A troubled frown became present on Fernando’s face, as he shook his head once again.

    “It’s not that simple Gilbert,” He explained, “There’s a distinct lack of evidence to suggest that they were involved, it’s only Alyssa’s hunch, and they’re rival companies anyway, so of course she’s going to think that. Without any evidence, we can’t point a finger at them or gain a warrant to search their property, even if it’s the best lead we have.” Fernando looked to the sky in frustration for a few moments, before looking back at the boys, his grey eyes focusing as he processed an idea. “Although...there’s nothing to stop me planting some unofficial observers,” He looked back and forth between the two boys, “What do you say?” The boys looked stunned, not totally sure how to react to such an offer.

    “Well, what would we need to do, exactly?” Rodrigo finally asked, also voicing Gilbert’s thoughts in doing so.

    “It’s quite simple really, you just need to be quiet about it is all,” Fernando said quietly, checking that nobody was listening in, “I just need you to go over there and have a look around, see if you notice anything suspicious or not quite right, though if you find the missing documents and supplies, that’s even better!” He looked over his shoulder before continuing, “I’ll let Alyssa know, so that she knows something is being done, rather than taking things into her own hands, but you can’t tell anybody else! If anything goes wrong, I can’t bail you out; you need to be extra careful. I’ll set you up with some Pokémon for protection.” The last sentence had the boys hooked. For years they had wanted to leave the farm and set off with some Pokémon, exploring the land and becoming great trainers. Rodrigo in particular had always wanted to achieve greatness. With his brother being the champion, people had always compared him to Fernando, making him feel like he was trapped in his shadow. He longed to surpass his brother and become an individual, rather than just “Fernando’s brother”.

    “We’ll do it!” Gilbert exclaimed, before lowering his tone, realising he was meant to be quiet, “When do we start?” Fernando placed his hands on the boys’ shoulders, smiling thankfully at them.

    “I knew I could count on you both,” He said, releasing his grip on the boys, “I’ll go and inform Alyssa, take you both home to pack and drop off your shopping, then we’ll go to Labranch Town to see Professor Willow about your Pokémon.”

    “What about my mum? How do you know she’ll be okay with this?” Gilbert asked, clearly worried he might not realise his dream.

    “You’re both old enough to be travelling now,” Fernando replied, “And if it’s not having enough farmhands that she’s worried about, I’m sure I can find a couple of guys who’d gladly help her out. Now wait here while I go speak to Alyssa.” With that, he turned and walked into the tall office block where the Marshall Hotels offices were situated, leaving the two boys to speculate about their new adventure with great anticipation and excitement.


    Well, there was chapter one, and I'm hoping you enjoyed it! Obviously, criticism is welcome and expected, as long it's constructive and helpful, not just mindless bashing. I'm on my last two weeks before university at the moment, so I have the time to get this started properly before it may have to slow down a little.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2011
  2. Phoopes

    Phoopes There it is.

    This is really good for your your first chapter! It seems like another journey fic, but definitely an original take on getting it started. The new region thing- I'm normally not a fan of it but so far you have me hooked. I really liked the way you described everything without making it seem like you were just listing information. And I didn't notice anything wrong with grammar except for this...

    In this sentence, doing should be done. Other than that, there wasn't anything grammatically incorrect from what I noticed.

    In conclusion, I really like this story so far. It was well thought out and also well written. I hope to see a lot more from you. Add me to the PM list, please!
  3. Mevejuma

    Mevejuma Well-Known Member

    Heh, thanks man :)

    It is a journey fic, basically, but they're pretty good to do for a first fic I reckon, because you can keep track of everything and keep the story moving. Hopefully mine will be more interesting than your bog-standard journey fic though!

    I've got a drawn out map here of my region, so I've really put a lot of effort into this, and it helps with the descriptions because I can refer to it and keep it constant, so nothing changes.

    There's always something you miss, even if you do proof-read it. I picked up a missing comma and letter, but missed a word, typical me! But yes, thank you for your comments, you are now on the PM list :)
  4. RubberChicken

    RubberChicken Well-Known Member

    People understandably give a lot of crap towards journey fics, but your point is very valid about it being easy to do for a first fic. I feel journey fics are always good once they get there momentum going. You've got a solid writing style and a region which is original so this definitely has the potential to go far and I look forward to the next installment.
  5. Mevejuma

    Mevejuma Well-Known Member

    Second chapter now folks! I managed to start this late last night, and I've worked on it for most of the afternoon so far. Hopefully it's up to scratch and you'll enjoy it as much as you enjoyed the first chapter, if not more!


    Chapter 2: First Step to Greatness

    At one hundred feet above sea level, the air was cool and crisp as it buffeted Rodrigo’s face, ridding him of any weariness he had felt during the morning. He was tightly clinging to his brother’s Salamence, a large, blue dragon with enormous, red wings, as they flew south down the west coast to reach Labranch Town, home of Professor Eula Willow. Gilbert was sat behind him, and had constantly been complaining for the whole journey.

    “Seriously, I do not like this! Please tell me we’re nearly there, Fernando!” moaned Gilbert, looking sheepishly over his shoulder at the ground below.

    “Don’t worry; we’re just about to land!” Fernando chuckled, “See the building with the domed roof there? That’s Professor Willow’s lab!” The words had barely left his mouth when Salamence swooped towards the ground, hurtling downwards at an incredible speed. Rodrigo and Gilbert hung on for dear life, squinting as they drew closer to the ground, while Fernando didn’t even wince as Salamence pulled up slightly so that he could land on all four legs. “Thanks Salamence, I won’t be a minute,” said Fernando, petting his beloved dragon’s head, causing him to tilt his head towards his master, growling appreciatively.

    “This looks so much like home,” Gilbert commented, taking in his surroundings. Labranch Town was a farming town, much like the outskirts of Garrison Wharf where Rodrigo and Gilbert lived, so the sight of Mareep and Miltank being tended to by the farmhands made them feel as though they hadn’t even left their own farm. Like with Garrison Wharf, the farms were placed inland, while the town itself was right on the west coast of Ghaicia. Professor Willow’s lab, however, was found in the middle of the farmland, allowing her to keep a generously sized allotment for various species of Pokemon to exercise and play while she studied them.

    “Well, what did you expect?” Fernando enquired, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, “Much of North Ghaicia is like this, and we’re not all that far down the coast from where you live. If you want a change in scenery, visit South Ghaicia.”

    “Why, what’s down south?” Rodrigo asked curiously, “It can’t be that different can it?” Fernando laughed to himself whilst caressing some of the Poke Balls on his belt, clearly reliving some fond memories.

    “There’s thick rainforest, a large lake, a swamp, permanent snow and the highest mountains you’ll ever lay your eyes on,” He recalled, staring into space as he did so. He laughed a little to himself again before arriving at the front door of Professor Willow’s lab, letting himself in and gesturing for the boys to follow. Inside, everything was kept very pristine, the walls were almost sparkling from how clean they were. In one corner of the room stood a plant pot containing a small fern, the soil still damp from its last watering. In the middle of the room there were a few seats surrounding a coffee table, upon which were some coasters and a copy of the Cerulean Sisters’ magazine.

    “Say, Fernando, which of the Cerulean Sisters do you prefer?” Gilbert asked, winking at Rodrigo as he did so.

    “I’ve already dated Daisy, and I can tell you now, she’s an absolute *****,” He replied, causing Rodrigo to stick his tongue out at Gilbert, mouthing the words “I told you so.” Gilbert just shrugged it off, turning his attention to the small, purple cat that had entered the room.

    “Purrloin!” Called a voice from around the corner, “Where have you gone sweetie?” A short woman with curly hair appeared behind the cat, jolting when she saw the three visitors standing in her reception. She had a very youthful face, even though her brown hair was beginning to turn grey, and her olive eyes showed great wisdom from behind a pair of thinly framed glasses.

    “Hello Eula, it’s been a while,” Fernando remarked, extending his right arm to shake the Professor’s hand. She smiled back at him, before glancing towards Rodrigo and Gilbert.

    “It has indeed, and who are your two friends here?” She asked, offering the boys a friendly smile.

    “Well, this here is my brother, Rodrigo,” Fernando replied, extending his arm towards Rodrigo, “and this here is Gilbert, the boy he’s been living with for the last eight years.” The boys both shook hands with Professor Willow, pondering whether Fernando’s introduction had made them sound like friends or lovers. “I’m only here quickly,” Fernando continued, before Eula could get a word in, “I wanted to ask if you could provide these two with a Pokémon each. They’re helping me out with some official business, and I figured that a Pokémon would make for good protection and company.” Professor Willow smiled and pushed her glasses further up her nose.

    “As luck would have it, I do have two Pokémon that would be suitable for travel partners,” she said, turning to Rodrigo and Gilbert, “If you’ll just bear with me a moment, I shall go and fetch them. Come on Purrloin.” As she left the room, Rodrigo and Gilbert started to fidget and smile at each other, unable to contain the excitement that was bubbling inside of them. A few minutes later, Eula returned holding a Poke Ball in each hand, leaving the boys to speculate what Pokémon were contained within.

    “Well, allow me to introduce you,” Professor Willow began, handing one of the balls to Gilbert, “This is Treecko. I captured him from one of the rainforests down south so that I could study him, but now that I’m finished, he’ll make an excellent partner for you.” She then approached Rodrigo, and handed him a Poke Ball as well, “your partner is Mime Jr., who I rescued from Callerstrand City after she was attacked by a wild Shuppet – horrible things, Shuppet. Treat her well, and I’m sure she’ll never let you down.”

    “I don’t mean to interrupt,” Fernando said, walking closer to grab their attention, “But I need to be off now. Remember what I need you to do for me guys; I expect to hear from you soon!” He waved goodbye and headed on his way; his Salamence’s cry audible through the lab walls as it took off.

    “Now then, would you boys like a cup of tea, while I talk you through the basics of Pokémon training?” She asked, offering the boys a seat at the coffee table. They graciously accepted her offer and sat down on a green, leather armchair each, still holding their Poke Balls in their hands. For the next half hour, Professor Willow talked to Rodrigo and Gilbert about catching Pokémon, training Pokémon, bonding with Pokémon, battling with Pokémon and how to use the menu, before finally rising from her seat with a satisfied look on her face. “It seems you two understand everything now, there’s just one final thing that needs to be taken care of,” She said, as she carried the empty tea cups back to the kitchen.

    “What’s that, Professor?” Rodrigo asked, once she had returned.

    “Well, it is customary for two trainers who are starting out together to have a battle. I’ll take you to a good spot just outside of town,” she answered, taking off her white lab coat in favour of a red, outdoor jacket. “The last time I let anyone battle in here, my favourite sofa got burned and there was water all over the floor. Oh! I almost forgot!” She rushed back into the main lab, before returning after a minute or two with two red, electronic devices. “This is a Pokedex for you both; it will allow you to check what moves are available to your Pokémon at any time.” The boys each opened their Pokedex and studied their respective Pokémon carefully as they followed Professor Willow, clearly planning for the battle ahead.

    The area that the Professor was leading the boys to was an open plain just to the east of Labranch Town. The forest that lay to the south of Garrison Wharf could be seen to the north-east, and directly to the east the boys could see rolling hills, where the road out of Labranch Town would lead them to Mesadent Town. Once Professor Willow had stopped, Rodrigo and Gilbert separated so that they were a reasonable distance apart, eyeing each other cockily, each of them sure that they could win this battle.

    “There’s one more thing before we begin,” Professor Willow announced, looking from Rodrigo to Gilbert, “When looking at the moves in your Pokedex, only use the ones nearer the top of the list for now, as the ones farther down will be difficult for your Pokémon to pull off without training first.” She looked back and forth between the boys once more, “Well then, when you’re ready!”

    “Go, Mime Jr.!” Rodrigo called, hurling his Poke Ball in the air. After a flash of light, the ball released a small, pink clown wearing a blue hat with a white bobble on top.

    “Mime!” It cried, while balancing on its right foot and spreading its arms out wide. Rodrigo melted inside; it was the most adorable sight he had ever seen, taking all his energy to prevent him from squealing girlishly.

    “Go, Treecko!” Gilbert called in return, also launching his Poke Ball into the battlefield. His ball released a small red-bellied, green wood gecko with a tail almost the same size as the rest of its body. Treecko remained silent, smirking at his opponent while taking a battle stance. “Alright Treecko, let’s get things under way! Use a Pound attack!” Gilbert instructed, moving his arm forward in a sweeping motion. The small gecko nodded and started to rush towards Mime Jr., jumping in the air just before he reached her, readying his forearm to strike.

    “Quick, Mime Jr., Barrier!” Rodrigo recited, anticipating such a manoeuvre. The pink mime traced a square in the air with his arms, forming a reflective screen between her and Treecko. The wood gecko crashed into the Barrier, not possessing enough strength to break through it, dropping to the floor as a result. Rodrigo smiled, “Now, while he’s on the floor, use Tickle!” At this command, Mime Jr. pranced over to Treecko and tickled his red belly, causing a fit of laughter to ensue.

    “Are you bloody serious?” Gilbert asked, looking dumbfounded at the scene in front of him, “Treecko, use Pound to get him off you!” As he lay on the floor being tickled, Treecko’s arms started to flail upwards, until one finally struck Mime Jr. hard in the face, knocking her off of him. “Much better! Now let’s try an Absorb attack!” Gilbert called out; glad his Pokémon was finally standing again. Treecko, still laughing slightly from the tickling sensation, placed his hand on the ground, causing small vines to appear around Mime Jr., sapping her of her energy and making Treecko stronger.

    “Mime Jr., you need to get up and use Confusion!” Rodrigo bellowed, willing his Pokémon to break free of the vines. The mime Pokémon pushed herself up onto her legs, tearing off the vines as she did so, before taking up a tai chi pose, arms outstretched, the air in front of her gently rippling as she focused. Suddenly, she freed herself from her position, causing Treecko to be struck with a weak telekinetic force, throwing him off balance. “Excellent! Now hit him with one more before he gains his bearings!” Rodrigo called, sensing he was on the cusp of victory. Mime Jr. took up the same position again, focusing intensely on the Pokémon a few feet in front of her.

    “No!” Gilbert exclaimed, starting to panic, “Come on Treecko, snap out of it and brace yourself!” It was no use; Treecko was tilting in circles, unable to gain composure, just waiting to be finished. The pink mime’s stillness lasted another few seconds, before she unleashed another telekinetic wave straight at Treecko, causing him to fly backwards and land on the ground. He was knocked out cold. Gilbert stared at his small friend while Rodrigo threw his fists in the air and celebrated with Mime Jr.

    “Rodrigo wins!” Professor Willow announced, raising her left arm. “Now don’t worry about Treecko, Gilbert, I’ve got some medical supplies here so we can have him fighting fit again,” she continued, moving forward to treat the small gecko. Gilbert came closer; observing how to treat wounded Pokémon in such an instance. “I wouldn’t worry about losing either;” she said softly, “At this stage, Mime Jr. has more skills at her disposal, while Treecko needs a little longer to learn and develop more powerful skills. You both showed remarkable technique for such inexperienced battlers.” Gilbert smiled, he appreciated the compliment, and he took the Professor’s word, seeing as she knew more than him and Rodrigo put together.

    “That was a great battle Gilbert, I know we’re both only going to get better,” Rodrigo enthused, offering his hand for Gilbert to shake.

    “Yeah, man, and you won’t be so lucky next time!” He replied, winking at Rodrigo, who smiled back at him.

    “Good as new!” Professor Willow announced, standing up with Treecko in her arms. She patted him on the head before handing him back to Gilbert, who immediately encouraged and praised him for the performance he had produced. “Well then you two, there’s nothing more for me to show you now,” Professor Willow continued, smiling at the great progress they had made, “Didn’t Fernando say there was something you had to do for him?” Rodrigo’s heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t supposed to tell anybody about their task. His mind ran through several ideas of false stories that would sound convincing.

    “Yeah, we’ve just got to tie up a couple of loose ends for him,” said Gilbert, looking over at Rodrigo for confirmation, “He has to go off to Hoenn for some kind of meeting, so he wants us to take care of a few little jobs he needed to do around here.” Rodrigo nodded in agreement, thankful that Gilbert had always been quick at thinking on his feet in pressured situations.

    “Well okay then,” Professor Willow replied, buying into the lie, “Is there anywhere in particular you need to go?” She reached into her pocket to bring out a map of North Ghaicia, “I know my way around up here, so I won’t need this if you’d like it.” Rodrigo gratefully accepted the map and placed it in his jacket pocket for easy access. “Well, it was lovely to meet you both,” Willow continued, “Enjoy your journey! I’m sure we’ll meet again!” She waved farewell before turning to walk back towards her lab. Rodrigo and Gilbert looked at each other, before turning in the opposite direction to face the hills, beyond which they would find Mesadent Town, the first stop on the way to Hanson Resorts.


    Well, I hope that chapter was as fun and exciting to read as it was for me to write, hopefully I tackled the battle scene okay, though it was only my first one, so they shall get better! All comments, reviews and PM list requests shall be much appreciated :)
  6. pirate555

    pirate555 Word.

    I enjoyed the second chapter as much as the first. Even though it's a rather more conventional chapter in terms of pokemon-storytelling, you've still got the plot threads there to lead this story in an original direction, with the crime genre thrown in there from the very beginning. As for grammar/spelling/sentence-construction, on browsing through it I saw no obvious errors, so good work. Keep it up, I'll be reading on!
  7. Phoopes

    Phoopes There it is.

    Once again, another great chapter! As for your concerns on the battle scenes, you shouldn't be concerned. It was excellent. (Far better than any battle scene, I've ever written, but I digress.) I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes at all. Do you have a beta-reader?

    As for the plot... Rodrigo really seemed to get the short end of the stick by getting Mime Jr. as a starter, but it was kind of nice to see something unconventional, instead of the usual starter-type Pokemon. The way you introduced Professor Willow was done very well, and this is a good start to Rodrigo and Gillbert's Pokemon journey. The humor in it with the Cerulean Sisters makes me laugh, too.

    All in all, another good chapter. Keep on writing well!
  8. Mevejuma

    Mevejuma Well-Known Member

    Sorry for the longer wait for the third chapter everyone, I was busy at the weekend, and I've had a few things I've needed to sort out in preparation for university as well, so free time was cut short a little. I've stayed up all night to get this done for you all though (it's 1am here), so I hope you're grateful!


    Chapter 3: Holding Back the Flood

    Reaching the top of the hill, Rodrigo began to jog, so that he could catch his first glimpse of Mesadent Town – a small, market town surrounded by rolling hills. There were no offices to speak of in the town, as those involved in business and finance either went northwest to Garrison Wharf and Callerstrand City, northeast to Cardinal Harbour, or southeast to Stadebrook City for their work. What you did find in Mesadent Town, however, was a range of markets and skilled professions that you wouldn’t find in the big cities. The town was located a short distance south of the bay upon which Garrison Wharf was situated, as well as being a short distance north of yet another bay, so the town had a booming fishing industry, shown by the number of fishmongers found in the markets. The town also housed a cobbler, a tailor, a baker, a florist and a few workshops for producing furniture.

    “It looks quite small without any of the tall buildings,” Gilbert commented, appearing next to Rodrigo, with Treecko sitting on his shoulder. Rodrigo had to agree, the lack of buildings over two stories tall made the town much less imposing; it had a very warm and welcoming appearance.

    “Well let’s not just stand here looking at it. Let’s pass through and be on our way,” Rodrigo suggested, adjusting his red rucksack so that it was more comfortable on his shoulder. Gilbert nodded in agreement, and together with Treecko and Mime Jr., the boys descended the hillside. They chatted joyfully while consulting Rodrigo’s map, to find out which road they needed to take out of town, but as they drew closer, their smiling faces became horrified at the sight before them.

    “This is not what I was expecting,” said Gilbert, mouth gaping slightly as he looked from left to right. The streets of the town were soaked with water, and there was rubbish and debris littering the pavement. As they walked deeper into the town, the scene only became worse, with people of all ages scurrying around trying to clean up and repair the damage. Further up the road, they saw a lorry carrying sandbags being unloaded by two elderly gentlemen, so that they could be used to prevent future damage.

    “We can’t just leave them to it,” Rodrigo reasoned, beginning to jog towards the truck. Gilbert followed suit, and the boys immediately got to work helping to unload the vehicle while their Pokemon watched on, too small to be able to help. After a few minutes, one of the elderly men spoke up, clearing his throat as he did so.

    “I don’t believe we’ve met before,” he said, looking at the boys sceptically, “My name is Francis Bradford, and I am the Mayor of Mesadent Town.” His pale blue eyes studied Rodrigo and Gilbert, trying to discern if they had slipped from his memory in his old age.

    “No, we haven’t, sir,” Gilbert replied, putting the Mayor’s mind at ease, “I’m Gilbert, and this is Rodrigo, we’ve travelled here from Garrison Wharf.” The mayor frowned, continuing to shift sandbags from the lorry to the growing pile in the street.

    “Well, if you’re here for our markets, you’ve come at the wrong time,” he said with a bitter tone, “We’ve had floods for the past couple of days, and so our stores have all been closed.” He continued with his work, before pausing to smile at the boys, bowing his head slightly, “Your help with the sandbags is appreciated though, thank you.”

    “You’re quite welcome,” Gilbert replied, returning the smile, “We’re just surprised that the two of you were left to do this rather than someone a bit younger.” The mayor frowned once more, shaking his head with frustration.

    “These floods couldn’t have come at a worse time,” he explained, “Most of the men are out on the boats fishing, and so we’re short-handed. The few men we do have are busy repairing some of the more serious damage.” The four of them carried on unloading the lorry, working in pairs to get the job done faster. Within five minutes they had finished their task, with many of the residents coming to collect sandbags for their homes and stores.

    “So how exactly did these floods begin?” Rodrigo asked, confused with the whole situation, “You said you’ve had more than one in the last couple of days?” The mayor looked to the sky, before looking back at Rodrigo.

    “We’re not entirely sure,” he began, scratching the side of his face, “We’ve never had floods before, then all of a sudden, large rain clouds start appearing in the sky and cause all this!” He spread his arms wide, looking around at his devastated town.

    “Do you mean rain clouds like that?” Gilbert called, looking up into the sky. The mayor turned to face Gilbert and looked into the sky, his eyes widening. Just south of the city, a dark cloud was forming quite rapidly, growing larger and larger by the second. “That does not look natural,” Gilbert went on, sounding concerned, “Is there anything over there?” There was no reply. He turned around to find the mayor rallying his citizens to prepare for the next flood, handing out sandbags to be placed around the town.

    “Let’s leave him to it,” Rodrigo said, placing a hand on Gilbert’s shoulder, “We can go check out what’s causing the rain clouds to appear.” Gilbert agreed, and the two of them headed south to investigate the strange phenomenon. They had only been walking a few moments when rain started to spit from above, gradually getting heavier and heavier, until they were caught in a torrential downpour. Rodrigo pulled the hood up on his jacket, while Gilbert was left unable to shelter himself, wearing a grey sweatshirt and dark jeans. He shuddered slightly as raindrops started to slide down his back, before pulling the collar of his sweatshirt over his head, reasoning it was the best he could do.

    “I’m not seeing anything,” Gilbert moaned, “Can we just head back and stay somewhere dry?”

    “We’ve barely left town!” Rodrigo snapped, “Just man up will you?” Gilbert scowled at Rodrigo, annoyed by his comment. He was easily the toughest of the pair, he thought to himself, and probably the most handsome. He reckoned he could easily get with one of the Cerulean Sisters. He smirked vainly. “Off in your dream world again?” Rodrigo teased, causing Gilbert to feel a flush of embarrassment in his face.

    “N-no!” Gilbert spluttered, he couldn’t believe Rodrigo had seen him smirking like that, “I was jus-”

    “Hey look!” Rodrigo interrupted, pointing across Gilbert’s path, “I see something moving over there!” Gilbert glanced over to see where Rodrigo was pointing. He saw shadows moving around a small pond, though what they were or what they were doing was unclear. “Come on, we can go hide behind that bush,” Rodrigo suggested, stooping down while moving quickly towards the pond. Gilbert followed him, glad that the subject had been changed, and crouched beside his friend. They peered over the bush to see a large group of blue, tadpole Pokémon moving rhythmically in a circle around the pond. Some of the group were quite small, with two small feet and a tail, whereas the larger ones had two arms, developed legs and no tail – though all of them had a white chest with a black swirl. In the middle of the pond, on a small lily pad, there lay one of the smaller tadpoles, wincing in pain.

    “What do you think is going on?” Gilbert whispered, as Rodrigo reached for his Pokedex. Using the built-in digital camera, he took a picture of one of the closer tadpoles, and the Pokedex set to work analysing its files for a match. After a few seconds, the Pokedex showed a page displaying information on a Pokémon named Poliwag, the picture matching the one Rodrigo had taken. “Clever piece of kit,” Gilbert commented, leaning over to read the information on-screen.

    “It is indeed,” Rodrigo replied, scrolling down the page, “If you look at the evolution chain here, those larger tadpoles must be Poliwhirl.” He glanced from the screen to the Pokémon a few metres in front of him, before wiping the screen of raindrops.

    “Okay, so we know what they are, but what the hell are they doing?” Gilbert asked, growing increasingly more uncomfortable with crouching in the rain, behind a wet bush, under a dripping tree. Rodrigo placed his finger to his lips, signalling for Gilbert to be quiet and have some patience. He scoured the page in his Pokedex, looking for any information that may help to explain the scene unfolding in front of them. His eyes lit up as he found what he was looking for, and began to piece together what was happening.

    “Well, Poliwag and Poliwhirl learn a technique called Rain Dance,” Rodrigo began, wiping the screen of the Pokedex once more, “Which is quite clearly what we can see here. They’re dancing. It’s raining. Doesn’t take a genius.”
    “Okay, so they’re just performing Rain Dance, what can we do about it?” Gilbert replied hopelessly, “We can’t just make them stop, and our Pokémon aren’t strong enough to take them all out. No offence guys.” Treecko and Mime Jr. looked to the ground in disappointment, turning their backs on Gilbert as they sulked.

    “Well, actually, there is a purpose for this Rain Dance,” Rodrigo explained, while petting Mime Jr. to make her feel better, “You see that Poliwag on the lily pad? It’s injured, and the rain water can heal it.” Gilbert stared at Rodrigo in disbelief, confused at how this would work. “Poliwag has a natural ability called Water Absorb, so as it is hit by a Water type move, it recovers from its injuries. Unfortunately, the rain drops are really small, so the recovery is a slow process like this.” Gilbert looked to the injured Poliwag, then back at Rodrigo.

    “Given enough time then, it will make a full recovery?” He asked, sounding hopeful that the situation would resolve itself.

    “Well, yes, but that could take days,” Rodrigo answered, looking back towards Mesadent Town, “They can’t go through days of this kind of rain.” He stared at the ground in front of him, trying to think of an alternative solution. “We’ll have to take Poliwag to a Pokémon Centre,” he continued, looking over towards the pond, “I just hope they’ll let us take him.” He rose to his feet before Gilbert could reply, and walked into the clearing where the pond was situated. The Poliwag and Poliwhirl stopped dancing as he approached, and started to gather near the injured Poliwag to protect him. “I don’t want to hurt him!” Rodrigo announced, hoping the Pokémon would sense his good will, “I want to take him to a Pokémon centre to recover! I want to help!” The tadpole Pokémon began to look at each other, pondering what course of action to take, until eventually, one Poliwhirl moved aside, the catalyst for all the others to do the same. Rodrigo took a few more steps, bent down to pick up the injured Poliwag, and, cradling it in his arms, headed back to the Pokémon Centre in Mesadent Town.


    “There you go, he’s feeling a lot better now!” The nurse cheered, handing Poliwag to Rodrigo.

    “Poli!” The tadpole exclaimed, smiling up at his saviour.

    “Thanks Nurse Solace!” Rodrigo beamed, taking Poliwag into his arms once more, “Now to get him back to his family.” The walk back to the pond was a lot more pleasant in the sunshine, and Mime Jr. and Poliwag seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. “I’ve grown quite attached to this little guy,” Rodrigo sighed, looking down at the tadpole Pokémon, “It’ll be sad to see him go.”

    “Yeah, well, prepare yourself, because here’s his family,” Gilbert replied, pointing just in front of them. As Rodrigo looked up, he saw the group of tadpoles waiting on the path, ready to take their brother back to their home. He placed Poliwag on the floor, and watched as he waddled over to his family. There was communication amongst the Pokemon, but the boys had no idea what was being said, though the Poliwag kept turning back to look at Rodrigo. “What do you suppose they’re saying?” Gilbert asked, looking to his friend.

    “I don’t know,” he answered, shrugging his shoulders, “I don’t speak Polish.” It soon became apparent, however, just what was being said, as the group of tadpoles moved back to the pond without their recently returned brother, who turned back and waddled towards Rodrigo, smiling as he did so.

    “Poli, poli, poli!” The tadpole cheered, jumping in circles around Rodrigo.

    “Mime!” Mime Jr. called out, joining Poliwag in circling Rodrigo.

    “I guess you don’t have to say goodbye after all!” said Gilbert, smiling as Rodrigo knelt down to play with his Pokémon, before holding out an empty Poke Ball in front of Poliwag.

    “Do you want to come with me then?” He asked the tadpole, smiling at the prospect of his first capture. Poliwag simply smiled back at him, and nudged the Poke Ball, causing it to open and store him inside. Rodrigo could not contain his excitement as he jumped around celebrating his achievement, throwing his fists in the air with each jump.

    “Not to cut your little party short,” Gilbert announced, grabbing hold of Rodrigo’s arm, “But we do have to get moving to Hanson Resorts.” Rodrigo calmed down and took a deep breath, then paused for a moment before speaking.

    “Yeah, I suppose we’d better get going,” he said, before looking back to Mesadent Town, “Shouldn’t we say goodbye to Mayor Bradford?” Gilbert smiled and shook his head.

    “Nah, I’ve always wanted to be the hero who solves the problem then vanishes without a trace,” he chuckled, before continuing along the path, “It’ll make me mysterious, the ladies will be all over me!” Rodrigo walked alongside him with his map, checking that they were on the north-east path to Cardinal Harbour.

    “I think you’ll find they’ll be all over me, actually,” he said, placing his map back into his jeans pocket.

    “What makes you say that?” Gilbert scoffed.

    “I’ve caught a Pokémon and you haven’t!” Rodrigo exclaimed, resuming his celebratory fist-pumping and jumping.

    “This is going to be a long walk,” Gilbert sighed, bringing his right hand to his face.


    I hope you enjoyed that instalment! Now, I know that the past two chapters haven't had much to offer relating to the plot - though it is a journey fic, so these gaps between plot developments should be expected - but I can promise you that the next chapter will have something important in it! That'll give you something to look forward to. Leave comments, review, don't be afraid to subscribe to the PM list either if you're really enjoying this :)
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2011
  9. Phoopes

    Phoopes There it is.

    Before I review, I remember you mentioning somewhere that you had a map of the new region planned out... maybe you could post a picture of that? For me, I completely understand you and can keep track of everything, but other people may find it confusing. Just a thought. :)

    Grammatical Errors:

    'Tis a run-on sentence. Comma should be changed to a period, and the L in "Let's" should be capitalized since it's the start of a new sentence.

    Also, while it technically isn't a grammatical error, you used the word "lorry" quite a bit in those two paragraphs. Maybe a synonym here or there would help with repetitiveness.

    Finally, this:

    Just a thought: you might want to put a "***" between those two thoughts. It's a time lapse, so it'll probably help to seperate those two ideas.

    Positives: I like the way you handled Rodrigo's first capture, and the idea of the move Rain Dance and the ability Water Absorb. Original thoughts=good. Speaking of original thoughts... Nurse Solace. I'd like to know where you thought of the name to replace Nurse Joy. It's interesting...

    Also, I'd like to point out something that made me laugh.

    XD. Very good use of Pokemon to real life funniness. You get a cookie. :):)

    Finally, I like the pseudo-rivalry between Rodrigo and Gilbert. While they are friends, they are also competitive with each other. Sort of reminds me of Hilbert/Hilda and Cheren from Black and White. A nice touch there.

    Overall, I'm glad you decided to write this fic. You've obviously put a lot of effort into it, and I can't wait to read more from you!
  10. Mevejuma

    Mevejuma Well-Known Member

    That I do, I'll have to see what I can do. I'll take a picture of it and see how well it comes out on the laptop. I'll do it a bit later though, I've already got a few jobs to do throughout the day.

    Fixed the grammatical error and changed two of the "lorry" phrases. As I said, it was just after 1am when I was re-reading and posting, so out of tiredness a couple of things clearly slipped by me. The '***' idea hadn't occurred to me before, but I shall utilise that in future.

    Thank you very much! I was hoping the capture would turn out alright, and I've been wondering what people would make of it ever since I turned the laptop off last night. Glad to see it was appreciated. I thought that some people may point out that rain heals health with Rain Dish and not Water Absorb, but I'm glad you appreciated the originality.

    Nurse Solace - I just found a synonym for Joy that sounded good as a name.

    Yay for cookie! I was laughing myself when I thought of that joke.

    There shall be plenty more of the pseudo-rivalry to come, just you wait ;)
  11. DarknessInZero

    DarknessInZero <- Es mío! MÍO!

    SOmeone had too the idea of using the name Willow! Not care. They can be cousins.
  12. ashhleeyy

    ashhleeyy εμπιστοσύνη

    Ohmygosh, awesome! You're truly quite talented! A few notes I jotted down while reading (sorry it took so long, btw; I'm a slow reader, ADD & at work):

    - I really enjoyed the detail used to describe the Wharf; growing up around one of the biggest lakes in the world has granted me this affinity for coastal cities and in writing, I love hearing how people describe the subtle differences in coastal locations vs. land-locked.

    - Love the reference to the Cerulean Sisters!

    - Great use of adjectives/adverbs/verbs; no redundancies (I'm real quick to mentally notice a lack of "color" so to speak in the words people choose to pepper their writing with).

    - Salamence! :D

    - No failure to animate the characters. You choose such superb ways to describe actions and based on the sentence structure, you choose such an appropriate time to do so.

    - Noticed in chapter 3 with the description of Gilbert's clothing how you're stretching out the tiny details about the boys. I really like this! It already gives me a sense of character development, if that makes any sense. :p

    I honestly have nothing bad to say. I really am enjoying where the story is going and you should most certainly add me to the PM list! :)
  13. The Oncoming Storm

    The Oncoming Storm I went to jared

    Enjoyed this fic very well. I love reading journey fics. And this one looks like it won't be an exception to the rule. I loved the way you made Miem Jr.'s confusion weak. That way it didn't seem like it had as major advantage over treecko in the first battle.

    Also the whole rain dance and water absorb thing was genius. One question though, Qhy qouldn't they just use bubblebeam on the poliwag? Just a little nitpick. Greatly enjoyed can you add me to the pm list?
  14. Mevejuma

    Mevejuma Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you enjoyed it :) thank you for your comments. I guess it was just sort of like a healing ceremony, and dancing works better in a ceremony.
  15. Calamity™

    Calamity™ aka Lamia

    Mevejuma, I've loved reading your fanfic. It's brilliant. Keep up the great work. :D
  16. Mevejuma

    Mevejuma Well-Known Member

    I know I said I'd have this up on the weekend, but mother organised a dinner with my grandparents to say goodbye before I went to university, so I had a bit less time than I thought. Anyway, without further ado, I present chapter 4!


    Chapter 4: Mr. Juarez

    “Hey, Gilbert, how many Pokémon do you have?” Rodrigo asked his friend, trying to keep a straight face. Gilbert sighed. They had left Mesadent Town half an hour ago, and for most of the walk, Rodrigo had been going on about his Poliwag.

    “One, Rodrigo, I have one Pokémon,” he replied, getting increasingly more annoyed by the minute.

    “Well that’s funny!” Rodrigo exclaimed, “I have two Pokémon, so I guess that makes me a better trainer than you!” He smiled broadly, enjoying the moment far too much. As Rodrigo applauded and cheered himself, Gilbert stopped walking and took a deep breath.

    “This is just getting stupid now,” he said, trying to keep his cool, “Poliwag joined you on his own accord, there was no skill involved in the capture.” He noticed Rodrigo was looking slightly disheartened, and he realised how much it meant to him that he had achieved something like this. “Don’t get me wrong though, it was incredible that you helped him with his injury,” Gilbert continued, feeling guilty for what he had said previously, “And it shows a lot for your character that he wanted to come with you rather than his family.” Rodrigo smiled faintly. He knew he had probably brought that initial outburst upon himself, but he was glad that Gilbert had tried to cheer him up.

    “Thanks, man,” Rodrigo began, looking down at the ground, “I didn’t mean to piss you off or anything.” He paused for a while, before looking back up at Gilbert, with a teasing smirk on his face, “Still, I’d like to see you capture a Pokémon!” Gilbert chuckled slightly, happy to see that there were no hard feelings between them.

    “Alright then, I’ll do just that,” he replied, rising to the challenge, “The next Pokémon we see, I will capture.” Rodrigo nodded and panned his surroundings for Gilbert’s target. He suddenly began laughing quite loudly, and Gilbert looked over to find him pointing at a small, round, pink Pokémon with big, blue eyes sitting on a rock.

    “There you go, Gilbert!” Rodrigo called out, still laughing, “That pink ball of fluff has got your name on it!” Gilbert’s arms went limp and his jaw dropped slightly, it was just his luck that this would happen.

    “Oh come on, man,” He pleaded, hoping Rodrigo would show some mercy, “Can we just ignore that one and wait for something less...feminine?” He looked on as Rodrigo’s glance shifted between him and the pink, balloon Pokémon, with Treecko sizing up his potential opponent, in case of battle.

    “Yeah, we’ll wait for another,” Rodrigo eventually responded, looking back at his friend, “To be fair, I’d be pretty embarrassed to be seen with you if you had captured that.” He nudged his head towards the ball of fluff, leaving Gilbert to breathe a sigh of relief. His thoughts were interrupted, however, as he felt a sharp object prod the back of his head. He immediately jumped forward and span around to find a twin-headed, brown bird staring back at his him, its two heads tilting in opposite directions.

    “Looks like this is going to be our capture, Treecko!” He called, rubbing the back of his head. The green gecko leaped in front of his master, awaiting instructions, “Let’s show Rodrigo how to do it properly! Start things off with Pound!” Gilbert continued, while turning back to give Rodrigo a cheeky wink. Treecko sprang forward, leapt into the air and raised its right palm, almost mirroring his movements against Mime Jr. earlier in the day. This time, however, the attack was a success, as the green Pokémon’s hand swiftly struck the wild bird’s left head.

    “Just thought you might like to know,” Rodrigo began, appearing at Gilbert’s side with his Pokedex in hand, “Your potential capture here is a Doduo. You should get in the habit of using this,” He continued, waving the Pokedex in front of Gilbert, “It’s got loads of useful information.” Gilbert shrugged Rodrigo away from his side, focusing on the battle at hand.

    “Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me focus,” Gilbert muttered, intent on making his first capture a success, “Give it another Pound, Treecko!” He bellowed, to which his Pokémon responded by jumping up once more, and striking Doduo’s right head. The bird Pokemon remained still, eying the small gecko as it continued to attack, landing strike after strike. “Why won’t it react?” Gilbert pondered out loud, “This is going to be easier than I thought! One last Pound, Treecko!” The green Pokémon leaped into the air once more, but this time, the brown bird’s left head slammed into his body, causing him to fly through the air and land a few yards away. Treecko barely had time to find his feet before Doduo sprinted towards him and knocked him back down to the floor again, pecking savagely at the gecko.

    “I believe you’ve just witnessed a Rage attack followed by a Fury Attack,” Rodrigo announced, reading from his Pokedex, “Your attacks just made it angry and more powerful.” Gilbert was frozen to the spot, stunned at how quickly Doduo had snapped and taken down his partner. “So much for catching the first Pokémon you see,” Rodrigo continued, with a tone of sarcasm in his voice.

    “Oh I’ll capture it,” said Gilbert through gritted teeth, clenching his fists, “I’ll just have to take a different approach.” He ran as fast as his legs would carry him towards the two battling Pokémon, though Treecko was so wounded he could barely fight. Without warning, Gilbert lunged at the brown bird, taking it to the floor underneath him. Rodrigo’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped; he could not believe what he was seeing. Gilbert was wrestling with Doduo on the ground, allowing Treecko time to get back up on his feet. He was not strong enough to keep the bird down for long though, as it soon returned to its feet, carrying Gilbert on its back. Rodrigo continued to look on in amazement as Doduo ran violently in circles, trying to shake his friend off, while looking as though it might collapse from his weight at any moment.

    “I don’t believe what I’m seeing,” Rodrigo murmured to himself, “He has actually lost his mind.” The brown bird was beginning to stumble, with Gilbert clinging on with all of his might.

    “Treecko, use Absorb to restore some of your energy!” Gilbert cried out, once he saw that the gecko had regained composure. Treecko nodded and kneeled to the ground, placing his palm on the soil. Small vines began to crawl up Doduo’s legs, slowly sapping it of its strength and transferring it to Treecko. It didn’t take long for the bird to become too weak to continue, and it slumped to the floor in front of the wood gecko, which was becoming stronger by the second. “Time to capture this boy,” Gilbert panted, unclipping an empty Poke Ball from his belt and dropping it on Doduo. There was a flash of red light as the ball encapsulated the Pokémon, before it landed softly on the ground. It wobbled on the spot as the bird inside tried to escape, but it eventually gave up, meaning Gilbert had captured his first Pokémon.

    “That was certainly a different way of doing it!” A voice called out from just behind Rodrigo, interrupting Gilbert’s celebrations, “Seems like a lot of hassle just to capture one Pokémon.” As Rodrigo turned around, his eyes lit up as he came face to face with the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She was roughly identical in height to him, with long, flowing blonde hair that danced in the light breeze. Her figure was slim with just enough curve in all the right places; the kind that the Cerulean Sisters worked so hard to maintain.

    “Perhaps it was a bit of hassle,” said Gilbert, appearing by Rodrigo’s side, “But I caught it in the end didn’t I?” The girl giggled, causing Rodrigo to melt inside, smiling timidly as he felt his heart flutter.

    “You two are new to all of this aren’t you?” She asked, her chestnut eyes looking from Rodrigo to Gilbert. The boys looked to the floor, unwilling to admit that they were amateurs. “Don’t be embarrassed, even the best have to start somewhere!” She continued cheerfully, not wanting to dampen the boys’ spirits, “You just need a little practice is all. Here, watch.” She stepped towards a small, orange deer that had been grazing nearby, removing a Poke Ball from her bag as she did so. “Go, Eevee!” She cried, hurling the Poke Ball into the air. There was a flash of brilliant white light, and a small brown Pokémon with a white collar of fur appeared, waiting patiently at its trainer’s feet for instructions.

    “Dude, we’re getting schooled by a girl,” Gilbert whispered, as Eevee began battle with the wild Pokémon. Rodrigo was barely listening though, as his hazel eyes were fixated on the trainer in front of him, taking in every little detail. “Dude, are you even listening?” Gilbert continued, nudging Rodrigo’s side.

    “Sorry, what?” Rodrigo muttered, snapping out of his thoughts.

    “Never mind,” Gilbert chuckled to himself, shaking his head. Rodrigo felt a surge of blood rush to his cheeks; Gilbert could read him like a book, so knew exactly what he was just thinking.

    “I hope my capture of Deerling just then has shown you how to do it without jumping on the Pokémon yourself,” The girl said teasingly to Gilbert, “It’ll add nicely to my team as well, so I guess everybody wins.” She looked over to Rodrigo, “How rude of me though, I never introduced myself. I’m Elise; Elise Schroeder.” Rodrigo froze on the spot. He realised he hadn’t said a word to her yet, this was the time to make an impression.

    “I’m Rodrigo; Rodrigo Juarez,” Rodrigo began, noticing Gilbert give him a confused stare, “And this is Gilbert Underwood. What other Pokémon do you have then?” He could still feel Gilbert’s stare boring into the side of his skull, and was sure he would face questioning later.

    “Well, now I have Eevee, Deerling, Squirtle and Ledian,” Elise listed, tapping her Poke Balls in turn, “So I’m quite experienced already. How about we swap numbers in case he tries something stupid again?” She asked, nudging her head towards Gilbert, whose jaw dropped in disbelief.

    “I made the capture didn’t I?!” He argued, “And it shows something for my physical strength too.” Elise just laughed as she swapped numbers with Rodrigo, leaving Gilbert to sulk in the background.

    “Well, it was nice to meet you both,” said Elise, walking away from the boys, but I’ve got to get back home now. We’ll keep in touch!” She offered them a smile and a wave, before turning her back on them and heading south towards Stadebrook City. Rodrigo looked on at her, still mesmerized by her beauty; he had never felt anything so strong in his life.

    “So,” Gilbert began, standing next to Rodrigo, “Mr. Juarez was it? I don’t believe we’ve met?” He extended his arm towards Rodrigo, looking at him inquisitively. Rodrigo knocked his arm away and turned towards Cardinal Harbour.

    “Don’t start, man,” He replied, smiling slightly, “I just really like her is all, and I want her to see me for me, not compare me to my brother.” They started to walk north towards Cardinal Harbour, the late afternoon sun leaving an orange glow across the sky.

    “She’ll find out eventually, man,” Gilbert warned Rodrigo, “I hope you realise that.”

    “Yeah, but we’ll be closer by then, so it won’t matter as much,” Rodrigo answered, smiling at what the future might hold.

    “Fair enough...” Gilbert sighed, before taking a long pause,”...Juarez.”

    “Gilbert...” Rodrigo began, causing his friend to look over, “Shut up.”


    I wonder what most of you thought when you read that chapter title...bet you didn't see that coming though ;) now, I should really stop making deadlines, but I will TRY and get chapter 5 out before I move to university on Saturday, seeing as that will cut my time on the laptop. I hope you enjoyed the chapter though, and as usual, please comment and review :)
  17. Calamity™

    Calamity™ aka Lamia

    I'm such a slow reader. D: lol I'll finish reading all of this eventually! Add me to the PM list please. :D
  18. ashhleeyy

    ashhleeyy εμπιστοσύνη

    Amazing! Juuuuust as I expected. :D I love the description in the capture of Doduo; it displayed a nice instance of the tribulations of beginning trainers. That, and it was really funny to read. ^_^

    I loved this line; sounds so beautiful. I really like the way you describe the cities and with your writing style I'm very eager to see how you paint the rest of their world!

    Also really excited to see more of Elise (love the name, btw).

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