Gardevoir Girl
is NOT a girl
I'm back with yet another depressing one-shot!
First of all, thank you to both Normalize and Psyblade, although most of their ideas for this fic seemed to conflict. In the end I had to compromise and cut out a load of suggestions from both parties. Sorry, guys.
Anyway, this is the sequel to Fulfilment. Let's hope it doesn't die with only three people commenting on it like Fulfilment did.
My usual rating goes up a bit for this to M-15 because there's a high risk it'll make readers suicidal. It's the most depressing thing I've ever written. Apart from that, I hope you enjoy it! (If that's even possible...)
A whisper of wind swirls lazily outside, lifting a handful of dry leaves to fling them against the window. I clench my fist tightly until I feel my muscles scream in protest.
It is unbearable. The pain eats away at my flesh like acid, numbing my senses. It is not a physical pain; it would be so much easier to handle if it were just that. No… I would handle that perhaps too well…
What I suffer from…what is choking me is the regret and the sorrow slowly consuming my heart… this pain is emanating from inside my very heart, enveloping every part of me, tearing me into fragments. The entire world appears dark in my eyes. Two salty droplets build up and fall from the pools of liquid garnet from which they originated.
All because of him…
He believed in destiny. I… am not so sure… Would he accept this? Would he accept being… betrayed… and sacrificed… all for nothing?
My heart aches with sadness and despair. My vision blurs as I bow my head over my hands, feeling a single tear make its way slowly down my pale, damp cheek. I raise one lime-green hand to brush it away.
Did he accept the possibility of him being nothing more than a corpse with no significance in life?
He only wanted to see me… one last time…
All of my thoughts are about him, the one who helped me when I was learning to walk, who always went easy on me when we learned to fight, who was my only friend when we were growing up. He was my twin brother, whom I had occasionally argued with… but who had always been there for me whenever I needed him. He was older than me by a few minutes but he always considered me more important than him.
He cared too much… he clung to life just to see me again…
I draw in a shuddering breath and tears spill from my eyes, falling onto my clasped hands. I brush them away angrily and raise my head, my eyes darting to the closed door. Sometimes I would look up to see that cloaked human standing in the doorway, watching me, his chestnut eyes full of concern. Of course he is worried about me; for days I have been in this room, keeping the curtains drawn and the door closed, refusing to eat and only sleeping when I can no longer keep my eyes open. Even I would be worried if it weren’t me… not anymore, though…
I raise my hands before me and pass a weak electric current between them. The electricity throws a flash of dim light on my pale, tear-stained face and casts a flickering shadow on the bare, unpainted wall behind me. The quiet, irritating buzz echoes in the dark room.
I manipulate the electric current mentally and watch it twist and writhe in midair as though in agony. It amuses me momentarily, but soon I lose interest and allow the last sparks to fade away. As they do, the surrounding darkness swamps me once more, closing around me like a vice.
I rise to my feet, swaying alarmingly on legs weak from lack of use. I have barely left that chair in days. I cross to the window and hesitate, wanting to see outside but at the same time not wanting sunlight to touch my skin. Sunlight is too pure; I do not deserve its gentle whisper on my skin.
I step aside from the window. In the same instant, the air in the room distorts with an imaginary blast, causing the curtains to spring open. Even with the coldness and disorientation inside my heart, to focus in an enclosed room is still no great accomplishment for me.
I turn my face away and shield my closed eyes with my hands as sunlight streams in, flooding the room with its joyful glow, seeping into every crack and crevice and banishing the darkness.
But with the light comes the shadows. They are symbiotic, each unable to exist without the other.
The shadows leap into being along with the light, throwing the outlines of the chair and of myself against the wall. My own shadow ripples and moves across the wall as I move, positioning myself in front of the window. Without the shadows, light would have no purpose. And without light, shadows could not come into being...
My wide eyes take in the tiled roof outside, beyond which I can see a simply garden: a bare tree, the leaves of which lie in a heap around the roots; a few plain plants, unidentifiable without their spring blooms; a few patches of dying grass scattered throughout an expanse of bare, dry earth. Light, or darkness… if I were to be one, which would it be? Balance is essential… but… am I grey?
I turn away from the window. My shadow stretches across the floor and wall, like a Gengar on a moonlit night. I resemble a human female wearing a long ball gown. My lime-green hair is filthy, my pale skin in the same state. My dress-like garb, instead of billowing when I move, hangs limp and torpid around my concealed legs. Despite my terrible appearance, I cannot help feeling slightly proud of my thin waist, which makes my species the envy of countless human supermodels.
I hear footsteps outside my door and the curtains fly closed again. I resume my seat in time for the door to open. It’s that human again, his expression one of hope, a tray in his hands. He nudges the door closed behind him and crosses to the window, drawing the curtains back to allow light to once again pour into the room.
My eyes have adjusted to the darkness again and I shield them, waiting for the light to stop hurting them. The human approaches me, offering the tray toward me. “Gardevoir?” he says hesitantly. “Are you hungry?”
I turn my head away in disdain. The human’s expression transforms to one of disappointment and despair, as though I have betrayed him by refusing to eat. Anyone would have thought I had shot him and framed him for a bank robbery.
“Please, just try something,” he begs. “I’m worried about you. Why are you trying to kill yourself?”
Kill myself… that sounds like a good idea.
Horror registers in the human’s eyes as he realizes his mistake. “I mean starve yourself,” he stammers. “I meant to ask why you’re trying to starve yourself. Why won’t you eat anything?”
The tray he holds is laden with fresh fruits and vegetables. At the sight of it my empty stomach contracts, forcing bile into my throat. I swallow with difficulty and avert my eyes from the tray.
Please take it away… I can’t stand to look at it…
He looks crestfallen. He sets the tray down and crouches before me, gazing into my face. “I know you’re upset,” he says, “but you’ve only seen him twice since you came to me, anyway. Can’t you just imagine that you’re going to see him again one day?”
This is the human’s attempt at snapping me out of my depression. It does not work; in fact, it only succeeds in making me angry. With a hiss the curtains fly closed again, plunging the room into darkness. The door springs open with such force that it rebounds off the wall with a bang. The tray floats into the air, supported by telekinesis, then flings itself out of the room and scatters food all over the floor of the hallway. I summon my telepathy and speak one word into his mind, my telepathic voice cold and harsh.
“Leave.”
Terrified of me, the human scrambles to his feet and sprints for the hallway, barely making it outside before the door slams shut. I have no patience for someone who wants me to pretend that my brother isn’t… that he never… that the terrible thing never happened to him.
Many trainers passing between Jubilife City and Oreburgh City spend a short amount of time training in the grass fields of Route 203. Unless they have a Poke Radar, however, they are unlikely to stumble across the Pokemon that are best at concealing themselves.
It was early morning, the first rays of sunlight just beginning to colour the sky orange, when a tiny creature suddenly tumbled out of a hollow tree. The soft grass cushioned her fall but she lay still for a moment, stunned by the fall. Most of her body was white and resembled that of a young child. Her abnormally large head resembled a mushroom, white but topped with a green cap, from which two red horns extended. Her garnet eyes, wide and frightened, blinked from beneath this cap.
In a flash of light, another creature that looked similar to the first appeared in the grass. This one was male and he immediately approached the first, moving through the grass rather clumsily, stretching out one thin arm. His sister accepted his help and he pulled her to her feet, gripping her arm tightly so she didn’t fall as she took her first few steps. She was only a few minutes old. Her brother was a little older and had already learned to walk and teleport.
Another head appeared from inside the hole in the tree. This one belonged to a larger creature, but one that looked similar. Her green cap had changed into long, green hair and her red horns had changed position, now beside each other instead of one in front of the other. If she had come out of the tree completely, she would have been revealed to have green legs surrounded by what looked like a miniskirt.
She was a Kirlia and she seemed to be the mother of the smaller two. She called out to them in her native tongue, warning them to be careful. The smaller creatures were both named Ralts, but their mother didn’t call them by this name.
“Claire! Talepa!” she called. “Be careful! Don’t let any humans see you!”
Claire was beginning to move with a hesitating, shuffling pace, still clinging to her brother. The male, Talepa, was still too young to recognize his own name and was too absorbed in helping his sister.
Claire tripped over but before she hit the ground, Talepa caught her around the waist and hauled her to her feet again. She swayed, unsteady, then hugged her brother in thanks.
“Claire! Talepa!” Kirlia said abruptly. “Come in, quickly! A human is coming!”
Claire and Talepa, too young to know their own names, ignored the warning. Kirlia climbed out of the tree and dropped lightly to the grass, landing in a crouch. She rushed to the two Ralts and gathered them close. Violet energy crackled in the air as Kirlia teleported herself and the twins to safety.
Hidden inside the hollow tree that was their home, Kirlia held her son and daughter close. They all remained motionless as human voices cut through the cool morning air. Two trainers were wandering casually along the path beside the grass, talking in loud voices.
When the trainers had passed, Kirlia relaxed her grip on the two Ralts. “Never do that again,” she told them sternly. “I don’t want a human to capture either of you.”
Claire and Talepa glanced at each other, then gazed up into their mother’s face. They were too young to understand the severity of the order, too innocent to realize that humans would actually try to capture them.
In times of despair, I have heard that humans turn to unbelievable processes to take their minds off the emotional anguish. Some of them swallow capsules containing poisons. Some of them consume large amounts of a liquid that removes their inhibitions and eventually leaves them with a sickness of the liver. Some try to pretend that the terrible events never happened, until the pain consumes them and their families send them to a hospital for disorders of the mind.
I tried to cope with the pain at first. I tried to block it out, tried to accept what had happened and pretend it no longer pained me. I felt myself begin to give way slowly. I refused to fight; each fight reminded me of the event. I no longer slept as often; instead, I sat and watched the stars, thinking that they were the same ones that had looked down on the world as the event occurred.
Should I just accept it? He said that acceptance always made him feel better…
… I would like to… but I can’t…
Why?
The human became concerned for me and brought me here, to his sister’s house. His sister was kind enough to give me a room of my own; this is the room in which I am imprisoning myself.
Eventually I became unable to hold the pain back any longer. The mental barriers I had built gave way and I began to cry for the very first time since the event. That was when I first hid myself away in this room. My mind was flooded with loving memories of my brother… my tears flowed for hours and I found that they would not stop. I stopped eating and slept even less. I simply sat listening to the rain pounding against the window, allowing the occasional tear to trickle down my cheeks. I felt barely any emotions; the despair would not yield enough for me to feel anything else. The human mentioned to his sister that I was having a breakdown. The word meant nothing to me; all I knew was that I no longer wanted company.
It has been two months since my brother died.
I alternate between sitting slumped in my chair and pacing the room restlessly, unable to settle. My tears flow endlessly, leaving trails through the dirt on my cheeks before I wipe them away. I would say my heart is breaking, but it is already broken. I watch the curtains flutter slightly as I pass them and an idea occurs to me.
Why am I staying here? What is stopping me from simply leaving?
I cross to the window and grip the edge, the curtains parting at my touch, the sunlight spilling onto my face once more.
I have no reason to stay.
My heart is pounding in anticipation. With a click the catch snaps and the window slides up. My room is on the second floor and outside my window is part of the roof of the ground floor.
No one is holding me back. But I’ve never disobeyed my trainer before…
I hesitate, my slim hands gripping the soft wood so hard that they nearly leave indents.
But he isn’t really my trainer. He wasn’t the one who captured me. My trainer is the one who gave me to this human.
I lean against the window ledge and gaze outside. Making up my mind, I perch on the edge and swing both legs over the wood. I am now half outside the room. I allow myself to slide out, landing lightly on the rough tiles.
But if I fall and hurt myself…
Hesitantly I move to the edge and glance down, feeling a sense of vertigo even though I am not very high up.
It will hurt if I slip and fall… I could break a bone.
I take a step closer to the edge, suddenly wondering why I am so afraid of pain. My brother faced plenty of pain and he never gave up. He tried to hold onto life… to see me again.
I want to feel pain…
I leap, my slim body seeming to hang in the air forever before I begin to fall. I spread my arms to keep myself upright and feel my feet touch the ground. I land in a crouch, both hands against the ground to stop me from overbalancing.
I have to find him. I have to find the one who caused this.
I begin to run. Thoughts and memories chase each other through my mind. My dress-like garb flutters and flies out behind me as I run, feeling the concrete path tear at my delicate feet, feeling the pain but not really registering it in my mind. I do not see the street I run through.
I only see the images in my mind.
My brother… our human…
My brother…
Talepa…
We had been playing that day. We had not heard the human. Talepa had tried to shield me… and he had been trapped inside the sphere that the human threw. I had been unable to protect myself and the human captured me as well.
The sun is blazing down upon me, beating down cruelly on my filthy hair and sending a haze of heat rising from the concrete path. Despite the heat, I shiver at the thought of being imprisoned in that sphere. I had been rendered helpless, separated from my brother and left suspended in the darkness. I had tried to scream or cry in my panic, only to find that I no longer had a mouth, or a voice, or even eyes. I had been stripped of my very body and trapped in the darkness.
I am attracting stares from humans but I ignore them. Let them try to capture me… they will never succeed. I already belong to a human.
The humans all leave me alone, however. I do not slow my pace, even though my breath is rasping and my heart is pounding. I must reach my destination.
For the last few hours of his life, my brother was trapped in the veranda room of a house. If I find that house, I will find my human. And then…
And then what? What will I do to him?
My breath tears at my throat as I run, pushing myself on ever harder.
He must feel the pain that he forced my brother to endure.
Closer… ever closer… nearing my destination…
He must suffer for what he has done.
The house is within view…
He…
I race up the steps.
… must…
As I stand before it, my eyes pulsing with violet energy, the door flies open with a bang.
… die!
Everything stops. I stand framed in the doorway, unable to believe what I am seeing. The house has been ruined, cabinets tipped over, dishes broken, potted plants tipped out. Among the mess lies my human, his clothes rags, his hair even filthier than mine. In one hand he clutches a bottle of dark glass. He raises this to his lips and swallows a mouthful of the liquid inside.
I take a step closer. My mind is a whirl of emotions; fury, despair, hatred and many more all mixed together so I can no longer distinguish one from another. I only hear the blood pounding in my ears, feel the air rushing in and out of my lungs. I raise my arms and think only of the energy I am summoning… pure, merciless energy… familiar, murdering energy. Soon enough the energy begins to pulse along my arms with a faint crackling sound, illuminating the room with my dark intentions.
This will end it… this attack will mean your death.
My human is not too intoxicated to realize what I am going to do. His eyes betray not a flicker of emotion as his other hand strays to his belt. I do not pay any attention; I am steeling myself for what I am about to do.
This same attack might have meant the deaths of many in that lake… how ironic that it will also mark the demise of the one who commanded me to use to so long ago.
This is the end.
The human withdraws his hand from his belt. In his fist he clutches a small, handheld device. I have never seen the like before, but I know immediately what it will do.
My eyes widen in alarm and fear. I’m sorry… brother.
His finger tightens and a deafening crack splits the air open. At the same moment I release a bolt of pent-up lightning from my hands. I do not see it make contact; I have stumbled back with a sudden impact. My hand flies to my chest and comes away drenched in scarlet.
So that is what the humans call a gun… what devastating power…
My thoughts are barely coherent. I hear a whirling jumble of voices and sounds, more likely in my head than my ears. A passive crackle… a low moan of pain, likely my own… the world tilts and I become aware that I am lying down. A pool of crimson is spreading around me, but I no longer care. I am no longer in that forsaken house.
This is all that matters.
Surrounded by the pure, soothing green of a lush garden, I sigh weakly. My own blood flows into my throat and I attempt to cough it out, but it does not emerge from my mouth. I lift my eyes in confusion, but a rush of relief and delight flows through my body as I see the shadow approach me.
He is coming toward me… my brother Talepa, the one whom the humans called Gallade. He smiles and offers his hand. Nothing else matters anymore except that we are together once more. I reach out and my hand slips into his.
Acceptance… is this really how it feels to die? Was this his last thought?
“Talepa,” I whisper.
“Claire,” he replies with a loving smile. “Claire, it’s time to go home.”
First of all, thank you to both Normalize and Psyblade, although most of their ideas for this fic seemed to conflict. In the end I had to compromise and cut out a load of suggestions from both parties. Sorry, guys.
Anyway, this is the sequel to Fulfilment. Let's hope it doesn't die with only three people commenting on it like Fulfilment did.
My usual rating goes up a bit for this to M-15 because there's a high risk it'll make readers suicidal. It's the most depressing thing I've ever written. Apart from that, I hope you enjoy it! (If that's even possible...)
Looking Back
A whisper of wind swirls lazily outside, lifting a handful of dry leaves to fling them against the window. I clench my fist tightly until I feel my muscles scream in protest.
It is unbearable. The pain eats away at my flesh like acid, numbing my senses. It is not a physical pain; it would be so much easier to handle if it were just that. No… I would handle that perhaps too well…
What I suffer from…what is choking me is the regret and the sorrow slowly consuming my heart… this pain is emanating from inside my very heart, enveloping every part of me, tearing me into fragments. The entire world appears dark in my eyes. Two salty droplets build up and fall from the pools of liquid garnet from which they originated.
All because of him…
He believed in destiny. I… am not so sure… Would he accept this? Would he accept being… betrayed… and sacrificed… all for nothing?
My heart aches with sadness and despair. My vision blurs as I bow my head over my hands, feeling a single tear make its way slowly down my pale, damp cheek. I raise one lime-green hand to brush it away.
Did he accept the possibility of him being nothing more than a corpse with no significance in life?
He only wanted to see me… one last time…
All of my thoughts are about him, the one who helped me when I was learning to walk, who always went easy on me when we learned to fight, who was my only friend when we were growing up. He was my twin brother, whom I had occasionally argued with… but who had always been there for me whenever I needed him. He was older than me by a few minutes but he always considered me more important than him.
He cared too much… he clung to life just to see me again…
I draw in a shuddering breath and tears spill from my eyes, falling onto my clasped hands. I brush them away angrily and raise my head, my eyes darting to the closed door. Sometimes I would look up to see that cloaked human standing in the doorway, watching me, his chestnut eyes full of concern. Of course he is worried about me; for days I have been in this room, keeping the curtains drawn and the door closed, refusing to eat and only sleeping when I can no longer keep my eyes open. Even I would be worried if it weren’t me… not anymore, though…
I raise my hands before me and pass a weak electric current between them. The electricity throws a flash of dim light on my pale, tear-stained face and casts a flickering shadow on the bare, unpainted wall behind me. The quiet, irritating buzz echoes in the dark room.
I manipulate the electric current mentally and watch it twist and writhe in midair as though in agony. It amuses me momentarily, but soon I lose interest and allow the last sparks to fade away. As they do, the surrounding darkness swamps me once more, closing around me like a vice.
I rise to my feet, swaying alarmingly on legs weak from lack of use. I have barely left that chair in days. I cross to the window and hesitate, wanting to see outside but at the same time not wanting sunlight to touch my skin. Sunlight is too pure; I do not deserve its gentle whisper on my skin.
I step aside from the window. In the same instant, the air in the room distorts with an imaginary blast, causing the curtains to spring open. Even with the coldness and disorientation inside my heart, to focus in an enclosed room is still no great accomplishment for me.
I turn my face away and shield my closed eyes with my hands as sunlight streams in, flooding the room with its joyful glow, seeping into every crack and crevice and banishing the darkness.
But with the light comes the shadows. They are symbiotic, each unable to exist without the other.
The shadows leap into being along with the light, throwing the outlines of the chair and of myself against the wall. My own shadow ripples and moves across the wall as I move, positioning myself in front of the window. Without the shadows, light would have no purpose. And without light, shadows could not come into being...
My wide eyes take in the tiled roof outside, beyond which I can see a simply garden: a bare tree, the leaves of which lie in a heap around the roots; a few plain plants, unidentifiable without their spring blooms; a few patches of dying grass scattered throughout an expanse of bare, dry earth. Light, or darkness… if I were to be one, which would it be? Balance is essential… but… am I grey?
I turn away from the window. My shadow stretches across the floor and wall, like a Gengar on a moonlit night. I resemble a human female wearing a long ball gown. My lime-green hair is filthy, my pale skin in the same state. My dress-like garb, instead of billowing when I move, hangs limp and torpid around my concealed legs. Despite my terrible appearance, I cannot help feeling slightly proud of my thin waist, which makes my species the envy of countless human supermodels.
I hear footsteps outside my door and the curtains fly closed again. I resume my seat in time for the door to open. It’s that human again, his expression one of hope, a tray in his hands. He nudges the door closed behind him and crosses to the window, drawing the curtains back to allow light to once again pour into the room.
My eyes have adjusted to the darkness again and I shield them, waiting for the light to stop hurting them. The human approaches me, offering the tray toward me. “Gardevoir?” he says hesitantly. “Are you hungry?”
I turn my head away in disdain. The human’s expression transforms to one of disappointment and despair, as though I have betrayed him by refusing to eat. Anyone would have thought I had shot him and framed him for a bank robbery.
“Please, just try something,” he begs. “I’m worried about you. Why are you trying to kill yourself?”
Kill myself… that sounds like a good idea.
Horror registers in the human’s eyes as he realizes his mistake. “I mean starve yourself,” he stammers. “I meant to ask why you’re trying to starve yourself. Why won’t you eat anything?”
The tray he holds is laden with fresh fruits and vegetables. At the sight of it my empty stomach contracts, forcing bile into my throat. I swallow with difficulty and avert my eyes from the tray.
Please take it away… I can’t stand to look at it…
He looks crestfallen. He sets the tray down and crouches before me, gazing into my face. “I know you’re upset,” he says, “but you’ve only seen him twice since you came to me, anyway. Can’t you just imagine that you’re going to see him again one day?”
This is the human’s attempt at snapping me out of my depression. It does not work; in fact, it only succeeds in making me angry. With a hiss the curtains fly closed again, plunging the room into darkness. The door springs open with such force that it rebounds off the wall with a bang. The tray floats into the air, supported by telekinesis, then flings itself out of the room and scatters food all over the floor of the hallway. I summon my telepathy and speak one word into his mind, my telepathic voice cold and harsh.
“Leave.”
Terrified of me, the human scrambles to his feet and sprints for the hallway, barely making it outside before the door slams shut. I have no patience for someone who wants me to pretend that my brother isn’t… that he never… that the terrible thing never happened to him.
* * *
Many trainers passing between Jubilife City and Oreburgh City spend a short amount of time training in the grass fields of Route 203. Unless they have a Poke Radar, however, they are unlikely to stumble across the Pokemon that are best at concealing themselves.
It was early morning, the first rays of sunlight just beginning to colour the sky orange, when a tiny creature suddenly tumbled out of a hollow tree. The soft grass cushioned her fall but she lay still for a moment, stunned by the fall. Most of her body was white and resembled that of a young child. Her abnormally large head resembled a mushroom, white but topped with a green cap, from which two red horns extended. Her garnet eyes, wide and frightened, blinked from beneath this cap.
In a flash of light, another creature that looked similar to the first appeared in the grass. This one was male and he immediately approached the first, moving through the grass rather clumsily, stretching out one thin arm. His sister accepted his help and he pulled her to her feet, gripping her arm tightly so she didn’t fall as she took her first few steps. She was only a few minutes old. Her brother was a little older and had already learned to walk and teleport.
Another head appeared from inside the hole in the tree. This one belonged to a larger creature, but one that looked similar. Her green cap had changed into long, green hair and her red horns had changed position, now beside each other instead of one in front of the other. If she had come out of the tree completely, she would have been revealed to have green legs surrounded by what looked like a miniskirt.
She was a Kirlia and she seemed to be the mother of the smaller two. She called out to them in her native tongue, warning them to be careful. The smaller creatures were both named Ralts, but their mother didn’t call them by this name.
“Claire! Talepa!” she called. “Be careful! Don’t let any humans see you!”
Claire was beginning to move with a hesitating, shuffling pace, still clinging to her brother. The male, Talepa, was still too young to recognize his own name and was too absorbed in helping his sister.
Claire tripped over but before she hit the ground, Talepa caught her around the waist and hauled her to her feet again. She swayed, unsteady, then hugged her brother in thanks.
“Claire! Talepa!” Kirlia said abruptly. “Come in, quickly! A human is coming!”
Claire and Talepa, too young to know their own names, ignored the warning. Kirlia climbed out of the tree and dropped lightly to the grass, landing in a crouch. She rushed to the two Ralts and gathered them close. Violet energy crackled in the air as Kirlia teleported herself and the twins to safety.
Hidden inside the hollow tree that was their home, Kirlia held her son and daughter close. They all remained motionless as human voices cut through the cool morning air. Two trainers were wandering casually along the path beside the grass, talking in loud voices.
When the trainers had passed, Kirlia relaxed her grip on the two Ralts. “Never do that again,” she told them sternly. “I don’t want a human to capture either of you.”
Claire and Talepa glanced at each other, then gazed up into their mother’s face. They were too young to understand the severity of the order, too innocent to realize that humans would actually try to capture them.
* * *
In times of despair, I have heard that humans turn to unbelievable processes to take their minds off the emotional anguish. Some of them swallow capsules containing poisons. Some of them consume large amounts of a liquid that removes their inhibitions and eventually leaves them with a sickness of the liver. Some try to pretend that the terrible events never happened, until the pain consumes them and their families send them to a hospital for disorders of the mind.
I tried to cope with the pain at first. I tried to block it out, tried to accept what had happened and pretend it no longer pained me. I felt myself begin to give way slowly. I refused to fight; each fight reminded me of the event. I no longer slept as often; instead, I sat and watched the stars, thinking that they were the same ones that had looked down on the world as the event occurred.
Should I just accept it? He said that acceptance always made him feel better…
… I would like to… but I can’t…
Why?
The human became concerned for me and brought me here, to his sister’s house. His sister was kind enough to give me a room of my own; this is the room in which I am imprisoning myself.
Eventually I became unable to hold the pain back any longer. The mental barriers I had built gave way and I began to cry for the very first time since the event. That was when I first hid myself away in this room. My mind was flooded with loving memories of my brother… my tears flowed for hours and I found that they would not stop. I stopped eating and slept even less. I simply sat listening to the rain pounding against the window, allowing the occasional tear to trickle down my cheeks. I felt barely any emotions; the despair would not yield enough for me to feel anything else. The human mentioned to his sister that I was having a breakdown. The word meant nothing to me; all I knew was that I no longer wanted company.
It has been two months since my brother died.
I alternate between sitting slumped in my chair and pacing the room restlessly, unable to settle. My tears flow endlessly, leaving trails through the dirt on my cheeks before I wipe them away. I would say my heart is breaking, but it is already broken. I watch the curtains flutter slightly as I pass them and an idea occurs to me.
Why am I staying here? What is stopping me from simply leaving?
I cross to the window and grip the edge, the curtains parting at my touch, the sunlight spilling onto my face once more.
I have no reason to stay.
My heart is pounding in anticipation. With a click the catch snaps and the window slides up. My room is on the second floor and outside my window is part of the roof of the ground floor.
No one is holding me back. But I’ve never disobeyed my trainer before…
I hesitate, my slim hands gripping the soft wood so hard that they nearly leave indents.
But he isn’t really my trainer. He wasn’t the one who captured me. My trainer is the one who gave me to this human.
I lean against the window ledge and gaze outside. Making up my mind, I perch on the edge and swing both legs over the wood. I am now half outside the room. I allow myself to slide out, landing lightly on the rough tiles.
But if I fall and hurt myself…
Hesitantly I move to the edge and glance down, feeling a sense of vertigo even though I am not very high up.
It will hurt if I slip and fall… I could break a bone.
I take a step closer to the edge, suddenly wondering why I am so afraid of pain. My brother faced plenty of pain and he never gave up. He tried to hold onto life… to see me again.
I want to feel pain…
I leap, my slim body seeming to hang in the air forever before I begin to fall. I spread my arms to keep myself upright and feel my feet touch the ground. I land in a crouch, both hands against the ground to stop me from overbalancing.
I have to find him. I have to find the one who caused this.
I begin to run. Thoughts and memories chase each other through my mind. My dress-like garb flutters and flies out behind me as I run, feeling the concrete path tear at my delicate feet, feeling the pain but not really registering it in my mind. I do not see the street I run through.
I only see the images in my mind.
My brother… our human…
My brother…
Talepa…
We had been playing that day. We had not heard the human. Talepa had tried to shield me… and he had been trapped inside the sphere that the human threw. I had been unable to protect myself and the human captured me as well.
The sun is blazing down upon me, beating down cruelly on my filthy hair and sending a haze of heat rising from the concrete path. Despite the heat, I shiver at the thought of being imprisoned in that sphere. I had been rendered helpless, separated from my brother and left suspended in the darkness. I had tried to scream or cry in my panic, only to find that I no longer had a mouth, or a voice, or even eyes. I had been stripped of my very body and trapped in the darkness.
I am attracting stares from humans but I ignore them. Let them try to capture me… they will never succeed. I already belong to a human.
The humans all leave me alone, however. I do not slow my pace, even though my breath is rasping and my heart is pounding. I must reach my destination.
For the last few hours of his life, my brother was trapped in the veranda room of a house. If I find that house, I will find my human. And then…
And then what? What will I do to him?
My breath tears at my throat as I run, pushing myself on ever harder.
He must feel the pain that he forced my brother to endure.
Closer… ever closer… nearing my destination…
He must suffer for what he has done.
The house is within view…
He…
I race up the steps.
… must…
As I stand before it, my eyes pulsing with violet energy, the door flies open with a bang.
… die!
Everything stops. I stand framed in the doorway, unable to believe what I am seeing. The house has been ruined, cabinets tipped over, dishes broken, potted plants tipped out. Among the mess lies my human, his clothes rags, his hair even filthier than mine. In one hand he clutches a bottle of dark glass. He raises this to his lips and swallows a mouthful of the liquid inside.
I take a step closer. My mind is a whirl of emotions; fury, despair, hatred and many more all mixed together so I can no longer distinguish one from another. I only hear the blood pounding in my ears, feel the air rushing in and out of my lungs. I raise my arms and think only of the energy I am summoning… pure, merciless energy… familiar, murdering energy. Soon enough the energy begins to pulse along my arms with a faint crackling sound, illuminating the room with my dark intentions.
This will end it… this attack will mean your death.
My human is not too intoxicated to realize what I am going to do. His eyes betray not a flicker of emotion as his other hand strays to his belt. I do not pay any attention; I am steeling myself for what I am about to do.
This same attack might have meant the deaths of many in that lake… how ironic that it will also mark the demise of the one who commanded me to use to so long ago.
This is the end.
The human withdraws his hand from his belt. In his fist he clutches a small, handheld device. I have never seen the like before, but I know immediately what it will do.
My eyes widen in alarm and fear. I’m sorry… brother.
His finger tightens and a deafening crack splits the air open. At the same moment I release a bolt of pent-up lightning from my hands. I do not see it make contact; I have stumbled back with a sudden impact. My hand flies to my chest and comes away drenched in scarlet.
So that is what the humans call a gun… what devastating power…
My thoughts are barely coherent. I hear a whirling jumble of voices and sounds, more likely in my head than my ears. A passive crackle… a low moan of pain, likely my own… the world tilts and I become aware that I am lying down. A pool of crimson is spreading around me, but I no longer care. I am no longer in that forsaken house.
This is all that matters.
Surrounded by the pure, soothing green of a lush garden, I sigh weakly. My own blood flows into my throat and I attempt to cough it out, but it does not emerge from my mouth. I lift my eyes in confusion, but a rush of relief and delight flows through my body as I see the shadow approach me.
He is coming toward me… my brother Talepa, the one whom the humans called Gallade. He smiles and offers his hand. Nothing else matters anymore except that we are together once more. I reach out and my hand slips into his.
Acceptance… is this really how it feels to die? Was this his last thought?
“Talepa,” I whisper.
“Claire,” he replies with a loving smile. “Claire, it’s time to go home.”