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Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by icemew, Feb 6, 2006.

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  1. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain


    Yeah, I’d reckon so. XP

    Righteous, Lucki has a Tropius now! I like those things. ^^ Poor Tropius, though, losing his wings like that…Although, I do wonder if perhaps those might regenerate. Hmm. At any rate, the fact that Tropius gets to stick around is definitely a nice development. =)
  2. The Pokemon Master

    The Pokemon Master Master Trainer

    Haven't been here for a while... But then again, I haven't been anywhere else, either. Sorry for the extremely belated reviews...

    I like the way these last couple of Chapters have been moving the plot along, though I have to wonder how resilient that Tropius is to mere physical pain... *shakes head* Still, it's a very good Pokémon for her to have. And it'll be really helpful if it can manage to keep its wings from being destroyed every ten minutes. At least Lucki will be reunited with her other Pokémon soon! It'll be a relief for her, I'll bet.

    One minor typo I spotted in Chapter 11:
    I think you meant "You've" there.

    Anyway, really nice couple of Chapters, and I look forward to the next one!

    Until we meet again...
  3. DarkPersian479

    DarkPersian479 Well-Known Member

    I don't know, to me this sounds kinda awkward. Try "...as he was cut off by a sudden flurry of razor-sharp leaves launched by Tropius."

    Super Potion

    Hyper Beam

    Now, with my grammar stuff out of the way, onto the review!
    Enter Team Aqua! The plot thickens with the second team showing up. It'll be interesting to see how you develop them, whether they turn out to be friend or foe. Still, Lucki owes it to them that she can get her Pokemon back- unless something else happens on the way to Fortree...

    I thought this chapter was a bit on the short side, but otherwise it was really good. I'm looking for things to pick up even more after Lucki gets her Pokemon back and is able to take the battle right to Team Magma!

    Poor Tropius... I hope their wings grow back eventually. At least he's safe as part of Lucki's team now. Because you know that some wild Pokemon wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of it in its wounded state.

    A very enjoyable chapter, and the introduction of Team Aqua only makes it more intriguing.

    By far the best line in the chapter. But you know that news about her will eventually make their way to Maxie, and he *will* make getting rid of Lucki his top priority someday...
  4. Air Dragon

    Air Dragon Ha, ha... not.

    Tropius joins Lucki's crew! And the others will be reunited with her soon! WOOOOOT!

    LOL Loved that!

    As Sike Saner said, I’d reckon so. XD

    I'm out for now so Later!
  5. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Well that was certainly a good attention-grabbing event *takes notes for future chapters*

    Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, The Pokemon Master, DarkPersian479, I've fixed it.

    You haven't see anything yet... >.>

    They'll be popping up a lot more now, so you should be able to figure out soon. Although you might be surprised...
  6. The Pokemon Master

    The Pokemon Master Master Trainer


    Sorry, couldn't help it. Anyway, you're quite welcome. I'm just sorry I didn't review earlier!

    Hmm... Wonder what that meant, though... What exactly is going to happen in Fortree, anyway (apart from Lucki getting her Pokémon back)? The usual Gym Battle? Or maybe something extra? Guess I'll just have to wait and see...

    Until we meet again...
  7. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Ugh. This would have been posted earlier today, but I've been really sick.

    Oh, and Happy Halloween, everyone!

    Chapter Thirteen - Warning

    "Um, my Tropius," Lucki explained as she handed over the pokeball, "he was wild and his wings were really ripped up and -"

    Nurse Joy held up one hand. "Normal, don't worry. Tropius normally shed and regrow their wings at intervals, and they drop them when damaged as well. That's why they can have such flimsy wings, because they're easy to regrow. They don't even have nerve endings in them."

    "Oh, that's a relief."

    "You'll have to wait a short while between wilting and regrowing its wings before it's able to fly or use moves that require its wings, but it's not more than an occasional inconvenience. Just leave it out for a bit so it can finish sprouting its leaves." She handed back three different pokeballs. "Here are your other pokemon. You didn't have any others, right?"

    "Right," Lucki replied. "Just a Squirtle, Flareon and Electrike."

    Nurse Joy smiled. "Good, that's what's here. So far we haven't had any problems with missing pokemon, but it never hurts to ask."

    "Yeah." Lucki headed to sit on a couch for a few minutes while her Tropius healed, with other trainers watching TV.

    "Rumor has it," the news anchorman stated, "that after their just-foiled attack on trainers on Route 119, Team Magma is planning something in the Mt. Chimney area, with unsubstantiated reports coming in of Team Magma member sightings. Team Aqua, heroes of the past two attacks, offered to check out the area, but were rebuffed by residents. Flannery of the Lavaridge Gym explained." The image switched to Flannery standing outside her gym with a reporter. "We don't believe there's a problem right now, and I think having Team Aqua here would invite Team Magma to show up and cause more trouble. We'd like to stay out of both team's affairs."

    "Lucki," called Nurse Joy. "Your Tropius has been healed."

    "Thanks," Lucki told her, taking the pokeball and heading out.

    Team Magma had definitely made for a major delay, but things were looking up now, Lucki decided. She had her fourth pokemon, a grass-flying type who would help cover her team's weaknesses, and she was in Fortree ready to get her fourth badge.

    If she could find the gym, of course. Fortree was perhaps the weirdest town in all of the three regions. Rather than clearing out a patch of forest and building homes there, the people of Fortree had chosen to build their homes in the trees themselves, carving out sections for their houses, building platforms for porches, and stringing bridges between in place of streets. And because the residents spent so much time above ground, the way below was overgrown with vegetation and impassible. Sections were kept clear for human use, but they could only be reached at certain points by climbing about in the trees.

    Lucki headed for the nearest ladder and climbed up onto the large wooden platform. She looked around, spying the gym. There was a ladder down to it several trees away. She stepped off the platform onto the suspended bridge, holding onto the rope railing as she stepped from wooden slat to wooden slat, the whole thing swaying as she moved. Native residents of the town might be willing to run casually about, but she was going to walk carefully. It was a good thing she wasn't especially scared of heights, or this would be impossible.

    And there was the gym! Lucki climbed down the rope ladder and started toward it at a fast jog, only to run into something, knocking her backward to land on her butt. She got back up and stuck a hand out into the area, only to find the air had returned to its normal intangible state.

    Okay...that was weird. There was something about it that seemed a little familiar though. She thought she'd learned about a pokemon that did something like this in school, although she couldn't remember which.

    She walked more slowly to the gym, only to find the door locked. A notice on the door explained the gym was closed to deal with a Kecleon infestation and should be open again in a day or so.

    Kecleon! That's right, they can become invisible by blending perfectly into their surroundings. Sometimes they migrate into a town and cause trouble. Lucki remembered now, it had been mentioned in a lesson about the different kinds of problems caused by wild pokemon.

    Well, there was no chance of getting her fourth badge today. Oh well. I could use the chance to chance to train, and maybe I'll be able to get a fifth pokemon. Lucki turned to head back to the ladder, only to slam into not-so-thin air again. This time she distinctly heard a soft squeak.

    "I can see how this could get annoying," Lucki muttered. She picked up a stone from the ground and threw it, hard, in the direction of the ladder. It thunked against something standing right in front of the ladder. A Kecleon's green head became visible about two feet off the ground, its two eyes rotating to focus on her for a second, then it scampered to the right, becoming invisible again.

    Lucki hurried toward the ladder before another one could in the way, then continued to the right. She'd spent more than enough time on Route 119. She'd go to Route 120 instead of heading back there.

    She headed east. It was late afternoon, so she'd only have a few hours before she should go back to the Pokecenter for the night.

    The thick, exceptionally grass by the side of the road was similar to that she'd spent time struggling through on Route 119, although the air here was chillier and there was a dry wind blowing rather than humid, still air.

    I should probably train with Saurius a bit, Lucki thought. She would need to have an idea of the Tropius' in-battle ability before trying to beat Winona. She released the grass/flying type. He needed to spend an hour or so out to give his wings time to unfurl. The green bumps on his shoulders had grown into large protrusions, but they were still balled up tightly.

    She headed off the main path to explore, avoiding the thickest clumps of grass where walking was hardest.

    Lucki headed through the trees for a bit, just seeing a few Zigzagoon out of the corner of her eye and the tops of a couple Oddish that had buried themselves for the day. A small flock of Wingull flew overhead. There might have been Kecleon around – if any of them could tear themselves away from getting in people's way over in Fortree, Lucki thought – but if there were, they were invisible.

    Saurius' wings finally unfurled. They were a pale, delicate green. He flapped them a few times and seemed satisfied. She recalled him, wondering if she'd have better luck finding pokemon by herself.

    She kept going. It was getting late. She'd have to go back soon.

    Twilight was just beginning, at that point where everything seems clearer even as the color fades to grey, when Lucki came to a small clearing. There, lying against a rock in the grass, was a sleeping Absol.

    Lucki took a step forward. A fallen leaf crunched underfoot and the Absol's eyes snapped open in the same instant. It stood, facing her.

    "Go, Flare," Lucki decided. "Flamethrower!"

    The dark type leaped upward. The flamethrower shot underneath, hitting the rock and spraying outward around the smooth stone. A half second later the Absol landed and sprang forward, slashing Flare's side from neck to tail with enough force to knock him back several feet. He staggered and collapsed, the gash bleeding freely.

    Perhaps two seconds had elapsed.

    Lucki recalled him, picking Saurius' pokeball and throwing it out next. "Razor leaf!" The grass type beat his new wings sharply, sending a cluster of smaller leaves shooting at his opponent, who darted left in a dodge then shot forward again at the Tropius. Saurius twisted and beat his wings again, forcing the Absol to turn sharply to the side to avoid the leaves, breaking off its attack. He sent a third flurry after the four-legged pokemon, making it retreat slightly.

    "Body slam!" called Lucki.

    Saurius charged, lumbering toward the Absol at a rapidly increasing speed. The Absol stood its ground until the last second, when it slid to the side, ducking under the wings and slashing open his side. Saurius bellowed.

    "Razor leaf!" she shouted again. Saurius beat his wings again. The Absol tried to dodge but only managed to get halfway clear of the cloud with its jump. The remaining leaves sliced the Absol's body, but it didn't react, landing neatly from the jump and launching itself forward again for another slash attack.

    "Fly!" Lucki called, hoping his wings were ready. The Tropius began to flap his four wings rapidly as they stretched to their fullest length. The Absol reached him just before he became airborne, slicing him across the chest and leaving another gash in his brown body. A moment later he was out of range. The Absol watched silently, pacing slowly beneath. Once Saurius reached a sufficient height, he dropped. He looked like he'd hit the ground ten or so feet away from the Absol, but at the last second he flared his wings, turning the speed of the fall into forward motion, shooting across the ground into the Absol before it could dodge. The Absol took the move silently, twisting its body and rolling with the attack so that it wound up in the air, with Saurius moving under it. He was still moving faster than the Absol even after striking it, and the dark type raked his neck and back as he passed under.

    Saurius staggered as he landed, while the Absol completed its flip and landed gracefully, launching forward again the instant its paws touched the earth. It jumped him from behind, digging its claws into his back and biting into his neck. He bellowed again, struggling to shake the Absol off. It leaped free as Lucki recalled him.

    The Absol landed in the grass, watching her.

    Lucki had an idea. "Go, Raiden!" The wiry electric-type should be able to keep up. "Spark!"

    Raiden tensed, gathering the electricity around himself, then tossed the sparking cloud of energy toward the Absol, who dodged aside easily, then darted forward.

    "Quick attack!" Lucki shouted. Raiden blurred forward, but the Absol twisted aside, avoiding the attack and raking him across the shoulder with its claws.

    Maybe... "Okay, wait!" Lucki called.

    The Manectric slowed to a stop and glanced back for a second before focusing on the Absol again, which was creeping to the side, then lunged for him.

    "Thunderwave!" Lucki shouted at the last second. Startled, Raiden released an unfocused, all-around shock like that of the Electrode in Wattson's gym. The Absol tried to dodge, but it was impossible. The attack hit and the Absol spasmed in paralysis. Lucki threw a pokeball. It hit the Absol, turning it red and sucking it inside, only to burst open again immediately.

    But the Absol was looking worse. It stumbled slightly as it stood up, no longer so graceful.

    Quickly, Lucki called, "Quick attack! Bite!"

    Raiden slammed into the Absol. It managed to recover and twist away from the following bite, but it didn't counterattack. Instead it jumped back.

    "Another quick attack!" Lucki shouted.

    Raiden ran at the Absol, who tried to dodge. He hit it glancingly and it clawed him viciously in response, opening bloody cuts on his chest and side, then jumped back again. Raiden was staggering himself now too, but he was still standing.

    "Quick attack, and spark!" Lucki called.

    Energy built around Raiden. He ran at the Absol, who managed to twist out of the way only to be hit by the spark attack.

    Lucki threw another pokeball. This time, it held.

    She sprayed a super potion over Raiden's injures, then recalled him. Then Lucki opened the Absol's pokeball.

    It materialized standing, facing her. "Release me."

    "You talk!" Lucki gasped.

    Her voice was smooth and silky, a seductive milk and honey sound, faintly exotic and utterly alien.

    "Release me," the Absol said again in the same beautiful voice.

    "Hey, wait a second," Lucki told her. "I'm not a bad guy. I guess wild pokemon tell stories about us," she admitted, remembering how Raiden had acted, "but we're really not like that."

    The Absol seemed unmoved. "Release me," she said a third time.

    Lucki sighed. "Look, just give me a chance, okay? If you don't like being my pokemon and still want me to let you go, I will."

    "You'll regret this," the Absol said. "I am disaster."

    Jump to Chapter Fourteen
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2006
  8. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    Ah, good, Saurius’s wings did regenerate. I reckoned that they would—regeneration and renewal are qualities I’ve long associated with the Grass type.

    And holy flirking shnit, ABSOL. ^^ Yeah, those things are just effing cool. That one put up a considerable fight, too, which made for some nice reading. =) Judging by that and what she said after she was captured…uh, yeah. I get the distinct feeling that Lucki’s going to wish she hadn’t caught her…
  9. The Pokemon Master

    The Pokemon Master Master Trainer

    Oho! This Absol seems a little different than most normal Pokémon, doesn't it? And I enjoyed the way you worked the Keckleon infestation in. Quite humorous. :) Glad to see that Tropius got its wings back fairly quickly (although I'm beginning to suspect that they might just fall off at a very inconvenient moment, such as a battle with Winona). And Lucki's got a fifth Pokémon on her team after a pretty drawn-out battle! I agree with Sike, too, Absol are quite an interesting species... Anyway, good job as usual, no errors that I found, and I hope the next Chapter comes along soon!

    Until we meet again...
  10. shadowlight

    shadowlight Fraught With Peril

    oooohhh...An Absol
    I wonder what it's name is
    Terrazor or Sickalamity
    Terrible and Razor or Sickle and Calamity being the origins of them
    I enjoyed ths chapter
    The foreshadowing was intrigueing
    I can't wait for the next chapter
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2006
  11. DarkPersian479

    DarkPersian479 Well-Known Member

    Heh, Absol are hard to catch in the game, too. I remember having to go through six Ultra Balls to catch the thing when it was paralyzed! I do have a feeling that it's going to create problems for our intrepid young heroine later though...

    Don't need to have "this" in the sentence

    Pokemon and Pokeballs are both capitalized

    "se" is "she", I assume?

    Overly picky grammar aside, this was very enjoyable. The battle against Absol was well articulated and this new capture is truly an interesting specimen...

    Yay for Tropius' wings growing back! That would have been a huge handicap in battle. Now, if only Lucki can find Winona without crashing headlong into a Kecleon again...

    And it seems that Team Aqua doesn't have the best of reputations considering Lavaridge doesn't want their type in town. The interaction and relationship between the two teams looks to provide another interesting subplot in all of this.

    Another very nice, engaging chapter. I eagerly await the next installment...
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2006
  12. Air Dragon

    Air Dragon Ha, ha... not.

    What the Phweeeeeeeeeeeet?!! an ABSOL?! this is looking sweet! "I am diasater" hunh? oh well... guess he's being hard on himself again...interesting development, definitely...

    ok, Later!
  13. Plum

    Plum Beginning Trainer

    This is getting soooo interesting! Keep it up!
  14. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Me too. Potted plants are always losing leaves and growing new ones, so why not Tropius?

    Well, maybe a tad...

    shadowlight, interesting guesses! You'll have to wait until next chapter, though.

    DarkPersian479, thanks for finding those mistakes, I've fixed them.

    Well, I haven't been doing it for the rest of the story, so I don't think I should start now. It'd be inconsistent...

    Well, they're both kind of new teams, so people aren't really sure. Flannery means mostly that inviting Team Aqua in would be like inviting Team Magma to come after them and make the place a battlefield...kind of like having the Black Panthers come over to keep a town safe, making it a target for the KKK. If Team Magma seems to be leaving them alone, no reason to attract trouble, right?

    And Air Dragon, Plum, thanks! Glad you and everyone else liked it!
  15. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Chapter Fourteen - Skies, Clouded or Clear

    "I know that's not really true," Lucki comforted.

    The Absol was silent.

    "Really, I like you," Lucki continued. I don't care about old superstitions, no one believes those these days. Just stay with me for a while and then you can decide if you still want to leave."

    "You honestly..." she said, Lucki interpreting the Absol's inscrutable tone as stunned.

    "Just give me a chance," Lucki repeated. She recalled the Absol.

    The twilight had deepened into night. She hurried back to get to the Pokecenter.


    Lucki woke up the next morning feeling great. She got dressed and glanced at her reflection in the mirror only to suddenly realize her pendant was gone.

    She paused in shock, then looked frantically around her room. It was nowhere to be found. Grabbing her bag she rushed out.

    "Nurse Joy," she asked desperately, "I lost my necklace! Have you seen one anywhere?"

    Nurse Joy reached into one of the pockets of her apron and pulled out the green and gold necklace. "Is this it? One of the links on the chain broke."

    "Yes, thank you!" Lucki told her, taking it gratefully.

    "You should be more careful," chided the pokemon nurse. "That necklace looks expensive, and I'm sure you don't want to lose it."

    "No," she agreed. "Um, is there anyone here who can fix it?"

    Nurse Joy nodded. "Sure." She gave Lucki directions to the local jeweler. "He shouldn't have any problem fixing the chain."

    "Thanks!" Lucki told her again. "Oh, do you know if the gym is open today?"

    "Winona said that should be open in an hour or two."

    "Okay." Lucki headed off.

    Like everything else, the jeweler's storefront was located inside one of the mammoth trees. It was at ground level though, his house probably the second hollowed area above it. Lucki headed inside and explained her problem.

    "Sure," he replied. "That won't be hard. Give me about an hour, I have to finish up something else first."

    "Thanks. I don't know why I was so unlucky..." she added, wondering about the Absol. She was surprised when he laughed suddenly.

    "Gold is a delicate metal," he explained. "And this is a very thin, frail chain. I'd say you were quite lucky that it held up so long, and that when it did break, it wasn't while you were outside or anywhere else it'd be lost for good."

    "Oh," Lucki responded, feeling a lot better.

    She thanked him again and headed out.

    Lucki headed west again to the route. This time she saw some other trainers about. She walked up to the first one. "Hi, I'm Lucki," she introduced. "Want to battle?"

    The boy nodded. "Sure," he replied. "My name is Otto. Two on two work for you?" he asked, picking a greatball off his waist.


    "Go!" Otto threw a pokeball into the air. It opened to reveal a light, almost white gray pokemon with a dark grey belly, small pointed jointless legs, a blunt spike in the middle of its back and black spots on its back and head, which was oversized and football-shaped, almost the same size as its small body. An equally black ring was around either eye, which were each a clear, startling light blue.

    Lucki had wanted to have a practice battle with the Absol, or at least Saurius, but neither of them would do well against the steel/rock Aron before her. "Go, Flare!" she yelled. "Flamethrower!"

    The fluffy red and white pokemon appeared, immediately exhaling a long stream of fire that hit the steel type directly.

    "Dig!" shouted Otto quickly. The Aron's small legs began rapidly digging into the earth. Within moments it was underground, out of reach of Flare's attacks and out of sight of either of them.

    "Okay, Flare, just wait for it and use flamethrower when it appears."

    Flare nodded, shifting his footing slightly and standing ready. But when the pokemon hit him from below on his underbelly, he yelped rather than retaliated as he was knocked into the air. He landed on his side and skidded. He got back up, dirt and grass in the fur on his side.

    "Flare!" Lucki called, exasperated. "Focus!"

    He dropped his head slightly. "Sorry."

    "Take down!" the boy ordered.

    "Dodge, quick!"

    Flare jumped aside in time for the Aron to charge past, moving too fast for it to correct its course.

    Yes!"Okay, another flamethrower!"

    Flare seared the slowing steel type with another burst of of flame. This time it was the one to yelp.

    Quickly Otto announced, "Dig again!"

    Before it had quite came to a halt, the rock type had begun burrowing into the turf again, quickly making another hole in the ground and protecting itself.

    "Okay Flare. This time pay attention!"

    "I'll get it," he told her, bracing himself.

    After several seconds, the Aron erupted from the ground, striking Flare. He hit it back with a blast of flames powerful enough to send it back against the earth, although, Lucki noticed, not as well as Silver had when Lucki had tried the strategy with the small turtle. He landed on his side again.

    The Aron's side and head were blackened. Lucki didn't know if it was tired or not.

    "Take down!" Otto shouted.

    The armor pokemon charged at Flare, who was still struggling to his feet. He didn't manage in time, just barely making it up before the Aron reached him. He was struck hard, skidding across the clearing into a tree. Still on his side, he inhaled and sent an ember to strike the Aron head on.

    "Great! Finish it off with one more take down!" the boy ordered confidently.

    "C'mon, Flare, dodge!" Flare managed to get on his feet in time to move to the side, sending the Aron crashing into the tree behind him. The wood split around his head. "Great! Flamethrower!"

    From barely a foot away, the Flareon shot a white-hot burst into the steel pokemon. The wood around it caught fire. The Aron managed to pull free easily and back away from the flames, but it had a burn on one side of its head and was moving unsteadily on its four pointed legs. Flare hit it with another ember, and it fainted.

    "Return. Go, Sunspot!" A second Flareon materialized.

    Lucki pulled a new pokeball off her belt. "Flare, return," she commanded. "Go, Silver!"

    "Quick attack!"

    "Water gun!"

    The Flareon powered through the blasting water to hit Silver. She was knocked back, off her feet. She stood again and sent another water gun burst into the fire type's side. It yelped and scrambled back.


    The flame pokemon lowered its head and charged as Lucki called quickly, "Bubble! Slow it down!"

    Silver spewed out a thick froth. It stuck to the Flareon but the charging pokemon had too much momentum to be slowed. The eevee evolution barreled on to headbutt Silver in the chest.

    "Ow!" she yelled, hitting the ground again.

    "Keep using bubble!"

    Silver inhaled deeply, then sent out a huge torrent of the tiny bubbles, enough to coat and cover the opposing pokemon. Under the mass, the Flareon struggled weakly, blinded and encumbered.

    "All right! Good going Silver, now pound it with another water gun!"

    She hit the fire type headfirst with another blast, clearing away the bubbles around its head and torso so that the foam only remained around its legs. Still, that would prevent it from attacking by charging her.

    "Flamethrower!" shouted Otto.

    "Water gun!" Lucki countered sharply.

    But Silver stared, looking frozen, at the flames coming at her, then popped into her shell. When the attack faded she had fainted.

    Lucki groaned. She rushed over to Silver and sprayed a potion over the minor burns as Silver woke up.

    "Silver, why didn't you do what I said? We would've won."

    "I-I''m sorry, I just..." Silver looked down. "Panicked," she whispered. "I'll do better, I promise."

    Lucki turned to Otto. "Good battle," she told him, recalling Silver.

    "You too."

    Lucki checked her watch. She decided to start back. By the time she reentered Fortree, healed her pokemon and picked up her necklace, the gym should be ready.

    She made it back there to the Pokemon Center without running into Kecleon at any point, so it seemed they'd been successful at removing the annoying pests. Her pokemon healed, she went to the jeweler, who had her fixed necklace.

    "The chain is completely repaired," he told her, "but that doesn't mean it won't break again. You might want to reconsider wearing it while you're walking around in the wild."

    "Okay, thanks," Lucki replied. She put the necklace into a pocket on her bag instead of over her neck, paid him, and exited, continuing on her way to the gym.

    "Hey! Lucki!" shouted a familiar voice. Lucki turned to see Violet hurrying toward her, a blonde-haired girl in tow. "It's great to see you. Oh, this is Sapphire," she introduced.

    The blonde girl smiled. "Hello, it's nice to meet you." She had light brown, toffee colored eyes.

    "So, how are you doing?" Violet asked.

    "Well, this gym will be my fourth badge." Lucki gestured to her belt. "And I just caught my fifth pokemon yesterday."

    "Really? Cool. I've only got three pokemon so far. I've gotten five badges, though. What's your team? I got a Bagon and Seadra."

    "A Flareon, Manectric, Tropius and Absol."

    "Oh, an Absol?" repeated Sapphire. "Those are so cool. There are some around here?"

    "Yeah, I caught it over on Route 120."

    "Well," Violet stated, "we shouldn't keep you from your badge any longer. Good luck!"

    "Thanks," Lucki replied. "Bye!"

    "Bye!" Lucki headed further and climbed down the ladder. She didn't run, just in case there was one last Kecleon hanging around. But if there was, it got out of her way, and she got to the door without incident.

    The sign was gone and Lucki pushed the door open. It was plainly decorated in grays and light browns, but the ceiling was amazingly high, with a smooth, beam-less curve that looked like it must have been expensive to build. She walked through the mazelike corridors for a bit before coming to a woman who could only be Winona.

    She was wearing a heavy blue outfit that covered her whole body. She had a pair of light blue, almost white bagged pants, the hems long enough to drape over her blue shoes, a longsleeved shirt that was the same color except for two brighter blue bands around each arm just past the shoulder. Over these she had a sleeveless blue sweater that was long enough to reach past her hips, almost as far as Roxanne's dress. Her hands were also covered by a pair of blue gloves and she had a blue chocker around her neck. On top of her head was a modified version of an aviation hat, blue like the rest of her outfit with a set of flying goggles. Her purple hair flared out on either side at her temple, and Lucki could see that the rest of her hair hung loose behind her, a bit longer than the bottom of her sweater.

    "You have five pokemon," Winona observed. "Then we may battle with five pokemon each."

    Lucki nodded in agreement.

    Winona threw a pokeball forward. It burst over the marked arena area, and a small blue pokemon around a foot in size appeared in midair, looking like it had two plumes of white cloud on either side.

    Lucki knew gym leaders often started off with a weaker pokemon, and the fact this was unevolved meant that was probably true this time. She considered and picked the Absol's pokeball. She hadn't had a chance to practice battle with the Absol yet – or even name her, Lucki thought a trifle guiltily – so it was best to use her now, when it wouldn't cost her the match if something went wrong. "Go!"

    The Absol materialized sitting. She looked calmly over her shoulder at Lucki, then forward again.

    "Absol, use bite!"

    "Fury attack!"

    Before the diminutive blue bird pokemon could execute the attack, the Absol leaped at the Swablu, swiping it from the air with one oversized paw. It went careening into the ground, bloody scratches across its chest, and lay there twitching with crumpled wings.

    "Great job, Absol!" Lucki called encouragingly as Winona recalled the fainted cotton bird. The Absol gave no sign she heard Lucki, walking calmly to the left, off the arena floor and out of bounds. Disqualified.

    Lucki groaned.

    She recalled the dark type as Winona released a Tropius.

    "Go, Flare," Lucki decided.

    "Body slam!"

    "Dodge, quick!"

    The Tropius lowered its head and charged. Flare rolled out of the way as Winona called, "Stomp!" The grass pokemon reared up sharply, then struck Flare hard with one thick leg, pinning him.


    Still pinned, Flare shot a ball of flame directly into the underbelly of the Tropius. It let out a cry and twisted to get out of the scourching heat, landing heavily on one side. Flare scrambled up, freed.


    While the Tropius was still struggling to get back on its feet, Flare hit it again, the flames engulfing half its body a moment.


    The Tropius struck the ground with its forelegs. A second later the ground under Flare trembled, then shot upward. Flare's legs crumpled under him. He started to get up and half fell again.

    "Another earthquake!"

    The ground hit him again, tossing him several feet like ragdoll. He managed to get to his feet, moving unsteadily.

    "C'mon, Flare, you've got the advantage! Use flamethrower again!"


    Flare inhaled, but the Tropius had jumped upward as its wings began to beat, allowing it to become airborne a second before the stream of fire would have hit. It zoomed up to hover near the ceiling.

    "See if you can hit it, Flare!" Lucki told him.

    Flare shot another flamethrower upward, but the flames flickered out well before reaching the grass-flying pokemon. He tried throwing an ember attack upward, but the ball of fire guttered out along the way, dissipating barely three-fourths of the way there. Lucki sighed. I guess he's not strong enough.

    The Tropius dropped suddenly, executing the second half of the move. "Flare, use flamethrower, quick!" Lucki called, but he wasn't fast enough to manage before the Tropius hit him headfirst, sending him tumbling almost out of the arena himself. He pushed himself halfway up with his forelegs and sent out a white blast of flame into the Tropius. Its chest blackened and the wings on one side shriveled up. The grass type let out a cry and crumpled to the ground.

    "Return," Winona announced. She threw out a new pokeball. The pokemon that appeared was vaguely hatchet-shaped and looked almost like its whole body was its head, somewhat reminiscent of the Nosepass Lucki had fought back in Rustboro in Roxanne's gym. It had a massive yellow beak that took up easily half its size including its wings, taking up the area where its stomach should have been and and running all the way to its tail. The small amount of its body that wasn't beak was white, with a small raise for its forehead where its large black eyes were placed. The front of that area was covered in a blue streak, but the sides were white as well. It had two odd wings that looked almost like arms or flippers, narrow things that ended in a set of thick, clearly defined blue feathers that gave it the optical illusion of having fingers at first glance.

    Pelipper were water types. Lucki recalled Flare. She considered. Raiden was the obvious choice, but he'd have the advantage here for the rest too, and she would probably be using her whole team in this battle. "Go, Saurius! Razor leaf!"

    "Deflect it with a gust attack!"

    Saurius beat his wings once, sending dozens of small green leaves shooting at the water type. The Pelipper beat its own wings several times, sending hard gusts of wind toward its opponent and the attack. The leaves were blown aside and the rushing air collided with Saurius, who bent under the driving wind.

    "Magical leaf!" Lucki called.

    He beat his wings again, this time releasing leaves that sparkled slightly in the air as they bore down on the Pelipper.

    "Blow it away again!" Winona ordered confidently. The Pelipper sent another series of gusts into the attack, but the hurtling leaves were unaffected, shooting through the air currents to pelt the water pokemon, which flinched under the barrage.

    "Wing attack, then!"


    The Pelipper swooped in to hit Saurius, only for the long-necked pokemon to strike it hard with his head. The water bird pokemon landed, momentarily stunned.

    "Great! Leech seed!"

    Saurius opened his mouth, spitting out several large seeds that landed on the dazed Pelipper and sprouted, digging their roots into its body. They glowed a gentle green as they began absorbing energy.

    "Pelipper, snap out of it and use ice beam!"

    "Quick, fly!"

    Saurius' wings began to beat. The Pelipper didn't react immediately to the order, giving him just enough time to lift off.

    But Winona reacted instantly. "Now, twister!"

    The Pelipper began beating its paddle-shaped wings again, forming a tightly packed cyclone of furiously swirling air. With a final strike of its wings it released the twister attack, sending it spinning into Saurius, who let out a startled cry as he was pulled in and spun around for almost a minute, before being tossed out to slam into the ground. He was clearly beaten. Lucki recalled him. Raiden it was then. "Go!"

    "Ice beam! Try to freeze it!" shouted Winona.

    "Dodge! Spark!" Lucki countered.

    Raiden jumped out of the way of the energy beam, electric current gathering and arcing over his body. Landing he tossed the cloud of electricity into the water-flying pokemon, who spasmed, letting out a loud squawk.


    The water type beat its wings sharply, daggers of ice materializing in the air and shooting forward into Raiden. He yelped, tumbling back as they pelted him.

    "Another spark!"

    "Try to dodge!"

    The Pelipper started to move, but then shuddered as the seeds entangling it glowed, sucking up more energy. While it was distracted, Raiden sent another ball of electricity into it. The water bird let out another cry and collapsed, paralyzed.

    "Go!" called Winona, recalling the water bird pokemon and sending out Lucki's next opponent.

    The new pokemon was huge in comparison to the Pelipper, easily a foot and a half larger and with a far greater wingspan. It was far different in other ways as well. It was steel colored except for red on the underside of its wings, with the rest of its body being a mix of light and dark gray plates. The large "feathers" of those wings, four of which made up each one, looked like flat knives and had pointed tips. Its head was similarly pointed, with a sharp beak tip and a swoop on its head resembling a shark's fin. Its talons were slightly triangular, with each corner looking like a knife's edge, and the tips of the talons were slightly hooked. Sinister red eyes under heavy gray brows completed the intimidating picture.

    "Return!" Lucki decided, holding out Raiden's pokeball. Flare would have the advantage here too, and Raiden was better kept in reserve for whatever Winona's final pokemon was. "Go Flare! Flamethrower!"

    Flare reacted quickly, sending out the attack before Winona could give a counter order. The flames rushed over the Skarmory's body, spraying outward at the sides.

    "Swift!" The Skarmory opened its mouth with a raucous cry, sending out a flurry of tiny white glowing stars. Flare cringed as they struck him. "Rock slide!"

    Skarmory can use that?

    The steel type focused, then flared out its wings with another cry. Rocks fell from the ceiling, burying Flare. The pile quivered as he began to struggle his way out. The Skarmory beat its wings, taking to the air just long enough to land next to the mound of stones. When Flare dragged himself out, it pecked him immediately, driving its long beak into his shoulder. He let out a cry.

    Winona called, "Bury him again!" The armor bird flared its wings a second time and hopped backward as a second time. Rocks fell on top of him. Seconds passed as he struggled underneath. When he appeared again, Winona responded with, "Wing attack."


    Flare sent out another blast of searing flame. When the attack cleared, the Skarmory flew closer and hit him with one extended steel wing hard enough for Lucki to hear across the room, and Flare crumpled. She recalled him. I was hoping he'd last longer... she thought ruefully, sending out Raiden again.

    "Spark, Raiden!" Sparks began gathering and arcing over the Manectric's body.

    "Steel wing!" Before Raiden could released the attack, the Skarmory flew at him, a sudden white glow running over its wings as energy gathered for the move. It struck him along the side with one wing as he shoved the electric cloud into its body, both pokemon shouting as the attacks hit. Raiden didn't look much worse for wear, but the Skarmory was clearly on its last legs, barely remaining upright.

    "Finish it off with a thundershock, Raiden!" Lucki called confidently. Raiden barked, sending the energy arcing off him and into the flying type, who fainted.

    Winona was down to her last pokemon now. Lucki was starting to feel like things were going well.

    "Go!" shouted the gym leader, hurling the pokeball out.

    Like Winona's first pokemon, it was blue and white, although it was around three times larger and rather than distinct wings its body was wrapped in what looked like a cloud. Two small feet poked out at the bottom and trailing blue tailfeathers could be seen as well. A long swan's neck lifted its head above the white fluff.

    Altaria. Part dragon type, Raiden wouldn't have the advantage he normally would against a flying type. Still, his electric attacks would work. "Use quick attack, then spark!"

    Raiden blurred as he raced forward, electricity gathering. He struck the smaller pokemon, discharging the lightning at the same time.

    "Fury attack!"

    Before Raiden could attempt to withdraw out of range, the dragon type pecked sharply at this face and chest several times, making him flinch under the blows.


    The Altaria rapped the ground with one foot, and it rumbled under Raiden's feet before jumping upward, hard, sending the discharge pokemon flying. He didn't get back up and Lucki recalled him.

    "Silver!" she shouted, releasing her starter. "Water gun!"

    Silver shot a torrent of water into the humming pokemon, knocking it out of the air for a moment. It promptly bounced back up, hovering as it waited for the next order.


    "Silver, use mirror coat!"

    The dragon type inhaled and sent out a stream of blue fire, hitting Silver, who had begun to shine faintly. A second later an answering blast shot into the Altaria.

    "Take down!"

    It swooped forward, hitting the small Squirtle hard and sending her tumbling. She got back up stiffly.


    "Bubble, weight it down!"

    Silver breathed in and then shot out a foam into the approaching pokemon, covering it in another layer of white, then ducked at the last second. Unbalanced by the water covering its body, the attack narrowly missed.

    "Use dragon dance to clear it off!"

    The Altaria let out a sharp, clear cry like a small bell, then began to swoop in a tight, weaving loop. The bubbly foam was stripped off by the air.


    "Water gun!"

    Silver blasted it as it darted down to rap the ground again. She let out a cry as the ground shuddered and struck her, interrupting her attack. Seemingly stunned, she didn't get up immediately.

    "Solar beam!"

    The Altaria let out another ringing cry. Greenish golden energy began gathering about its body. It built into a semi-translucent ball just in front of its head.

    "Silver, get up!"

    The tiny turtle was just barely pushing herself upright when the move completed. The Altaria threw the ball straight forward. Silver yelled as the blast hit, knocking her backwards to roll over the ground.

    "Finish it off with dragon claw!"

    The Altaria slashed its talons across Silver, scoring deep into one arm. Lucki stared in shock as bright red blood welled up, stark against the Squirtle's gray skin. Silver opened her mouth and shot a glowing ice beam into her opponent.

    Lucki rushed over as Winora recalled the dragon type. "Silver are you okay," she started to say, reaching for her pokemon.

    "Don't touch me!" Silver screamed, jerking away before Lucki could touch her, her own voice half-drowning the translator. She stared at Lucki with the desperate, panicked eyes of something trapped.

    Jump to Chapter Fifteen
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2007
  16. Air Dragon

    Air Dragon Ha, ha... not.

    whoa, what's with Silver? learning ice beam at the last second paid off, but what's gonna happen to Lucki's starter now?

    Quite a high speed gym battle, though i'll have to scrutinize to find any spelling errors. Good chapter, really is. well, gotta run. be back to edit.


    P.S. First review! W00000000000000T!!!
  17. Beast is Holy

    Beast is Holy Well-Known Member

    Nice fic, took a while to catch up ^__^

    I liked this chapter, though I noticed only one mistake:

    They agreed on 1-on-1, but it was 2-on-2.
  18. DarkPersian479

    DarkPersian479 Well-Known Member

    My, that Winona is full of surprises, isn't she? Teaching her team attacks to shore up their weaknesses certainly made for an interesting battle. It did seem a little on the short side for a 5-on-5 battle, but that may be because my own battles are drawn out (sometimes I think I'm giving my Pokemon too much durability :) )

    Whoops, misspelled Winona's name!

    Also, about Aron... are they spots or holes in its armor? I have a battle in my fic where Nidorino jabs its horn into a hole and then flings Aron around like a ragdoll.

    Squirtle learning Ice Beam does seem a bit "deus ex machina" (plot twist happening unexpectedly seemingly favoring the main character) but perhaps you can use the aftermath of the battle to explain its sudden use of the attack.

    Also, I sometimes got confused as to who was issuing commands during the battle. Every so often, you'll want to include things like, "Use Sky Attack!" commanded Winona as she pointed at her opponent, a determined look on her face" or "Panicked, Lucki screamed, "Quick, avoid that attack!" You do this in the battle, but I think it wouldn't hurt to include them a bit more often (but not after every attack, maybe every third attack.)

    But these are relatively minor quibbles. Overall, this was a good, solid chapter, with a pretty intense gym battle. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
  19. Plum

    Plum Beginning Trainer

    Ah, so exciting! :)
  20. shadowlight

    shadowlight Fraught With Peril

    I enjoyed this chapter a lot
    Winona's battle was not good for Lucki

    Absol wins but is disqualified right after. 1-1
    Flare wins against a pokemon it has a type advantage over but then loses against a pokemon it has a type advantage over. 2-2
    Saurius lost against a pokemon it has a type advantage over. 2-3
    Raiden beat Skarmory but lost against Altaria. 3-4
    Silver beat Alteria with a newly learned move but hates Lucki now. 4-4

    Isn't that a tie or do you not count disqualifications as points.
    Anyway Lucki wasn't very lucky in this episode was she.
    I hope Silver doesn't hate her forever
    I can't wait for the next chapter
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