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Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by icemew, Feb 6, 2006.

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  1. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Beast is Holy, DarkPersian479, thanks for finding those mistakes, I've fixed them.

    Dunno. Pokemon art is kind of bad with details. It's great for getting a general idea, but then you think something like that and go stare at the picture for five hours and wind up still having no idea.

    And I'll be sure to use more speech tags during battles.

    shadowlight, you'd have a good point 'cept you forgot about the second half of Pelipper's battle. The battle was five on five not four on four.

    Absol beat Swablu but was disqualified. 1:1
    Flare beat Tropius 1:2
    Saurius lost to Pelipper 2:2
    Raiden beat Pelipper 2:3
    Flare lost to Skarmory 3:3
    Raiden beat Skarmory 3:4
    Raiden lost to Altaria 4:4
    Silver beat Altaria 4:5

    True. But then, she wasn't exactly unlucky either...

    Well, you'll see.
  2. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    Ack, late late late…Sorry about not realizing sooner that you’d updated… ^^;;;

    Poor Silver. =( I wonder what’s going on with her? At any rate, that’s a nice bit of character development there. =)

    Highlights and et cetera:

    Aww. That makes me want to hug the little turtle…

    Skarmory!!! =D I knew I’d be seeing one in the vs. Winona fight, but it was still really cool when Skarmory appeared. I just love those things. ^^
  3. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Whee...this is chapter is so horribly late. Next chapter should be sooner, yeah...

    Sike Saner, as to what's up with Silver, this chapter......won't resolve much. Oh well, next chapter! Glad you're interested. ;007;


    Chapter Fifteen - Getting to Know One Another

    Back at the Pokecenter, Lucki chatted with Vi and Sapphire while waiting for her pokemon to be healed by Nurse Joy.

    "So how'd you get your name?" Lucki asked Sapphire.

    The brown-eyed girl giggled, sounding half amused and half embarrassed. "Well, I had bright blue eyes when I was born, and with my hair and all," she explained, twisting a lock between her fingers, "my parents figured I'd stay blonde and blue eyed, but instead my eyes got dark after a week or two." She nodded to Violet. "Probably they should have named me Goldy instead."

    "Lucki!" called Nurse Joy. "Your pokemon are healed!" Lucki said goodbye and headed up to the counter to retrieve her pokemon.

    "Um, they're all okay, right? My Squirtle's arm was cut in my gym battle..."

    "It's fine, that's what Pokemon Centers are for."

    "Oh, okay. Thanks!"

    Lucki headed out of the Pokecenter, heading west again. She released Silver.

    "Are you okay now?" she asked.

    Silver nodded. "...yeah. Sorry."

    "What happened?"

    "Sorry," Silver repeated. "It was just that I..." She trailed off.

    "That your arm hurt? Don't worry, it's okay," Lucki told her.

    Silver nodded again, slowly, touching her healed arm.

    The two continued on and shortly were back on Route 120.

    Maybe we could use a break, she thought. Give the Absol some time to get used to them. They could probably use some training, too. Flare hadn't done as well as she'd hoped in the last gym battle.

    And I need to give the Absol a name. Maybe Abby?

    Lucki's stomach rumbled. Looking at her watch, she realized it was about one-thirty and she hadn't eaten lunch yet. A break definitely seemed a good idea.

    She continued walking for another ten minutes, until she came to a suitable clearing. She stopped there, cleared an area for a small fire and gathered wood. Her stomach rumbled again and she ate a snack from her bag to tide her over, then finished setting up. It was still somewhat chilly so she set a pot over the firepit to cook soup, filling it with water from her canteen, then released her pokemon.

    The Absol looked about slowly, then lay down where she had materialized.

    "She caught you?" remarked Flare, sounding surprised.

    "Yeah you didn't know?" Raiden replied. "I did it!"

    "Of course you did," Flare commented.

    "Caught who? Who are you?" Silver asked.

    "Flare, you can talk in a sec. First, use ember to light the wood, kay?"

    "Oh. Sorry." Flare turned and let out a weak ember. The wood caught and blazed up immediately.

    "Okay, that's done," Lucki remarked to herself. "Next item. So Absol, you need a name. How about-"

    "I have a name," the Absol said, raising her head and looking at Lucki coolly.

    Lucki hadn't been expecting that. "Oh, what?"


    "Okay," Lucki responded. For some reason, she'd been expecting something longer and more eloquent. "Then that'll be your name."

    The Absol did not reply, lying back down.

    "Anyway, guys, I decided we could use a break, so you can just hang out today."

    "Cool!" barked Raiden, jumping up and down. He took off, running about and jumping from stone to stone.

    "And Absol – Fara – is our newest teammate, so make her feel welcome!" Lucki added. I hope the others can convince Fara, she still seems pretty unsure about belonging to me.

    She headed off to get more wood while the soup heated, leaving her pokemon to walk among themselves.

    When she got back Silver was practicing hitting things with her water gun. Flare was walking about, sniffing the camp area and looking around. The Absol was where she'd been when Lucki left, and Raiden was still bounding about. She wondered if they'd tried to talk to the Absol or not.


    Flare had lain down, not exactly close to Lucki but not far either, and on the opposite side from the Absol. Lucki was finishing up her soup.

    Raiden walked somewhat hesitantly toward Flare. "Um, wanna play?" he asked.

    Flare's eyes didn't open. "No."

    "Flare!" Lucki chastised. "You shouldn't sit around and sulk all day. It'd be good exercise. You could use some running practice, you know."

    "Sorry," Flare apologized, sounding sincere. He stood up and followed Raiden, whose tail was wagging happily.

    Lucki headed over to Silver, who was resting, looking tired, a little way off. "How are you?"

    "I think I'm getting better," Silver replied quietly.

    "Uh, about what I said about talking to the Absol. Have you?"

    "We kind of, I said hi and stuff, but she's kind of..." Silver trailed off. "Imposing, I guess. And it seemed like I should wait until she wasn't resting to talk. Sorry."

    "It's okay, just make sure you do talk to her. Make her feel welcome. It's like all of you are avoiding her right now," Lucki told Silver.

    Silver nodded. "I will."

    By late afternoon, the Absol was sitting calmly, although it wasn't clear if she was watching or meditating or lost in thought. It started to get darker and the pokemon formed a loose ring near the fire while Lucki got out her sleeping bag. They started talking to one another, and with the Absol.

    "She's really a very nice person," volunteered Silver as Lucki lay down. "You'll like her once you get to know her. It might seem scary at first, but it's not really once you get used to it."

    "If you felt it was scary," the Absol said in her beautiful alien voice, "then it was, wasn't it?"

    "I guess, but," Silver half stammered, sounding uncertain, "I mean, once you...It's not really, I just thought it was...I just was, at first...It's not as bad as it seems, at first..."

    Saurius spoke up as Silver trailed off. "Lucki is a good trainer," he asserted, and explained how she had helped him. "I joined her of my own choice. She's not cruel, and she knows what she's doing. She is a good person."

    "Yes," Flare agreed emphatically.

    "Yeah! She plays with me sometimes," Raiden told the Absol, "and she helped me learn all sorts of new moves and ways of fighting so I can win."

    Lucki closed her eyes and started to drift off to sleep. She thought she heard the Absol say, "And what about you?" but she wasn't sure what it meant or who it was said to, or even if it was said at all.

    When she woke the next morning she saw the fire had died out during the night. Her pokemon and items were all still there though, making a marked improvement over the last time she'd slept outside. The Absol was awake already. Lucki yawned and started to break down the camp. It didn't take her long to have everything packed up. She recalled her pokemon and headed out.

    She hadn't been walking long before she ran into another trainer, a boy about her age but almost a head shorter than her, with brown hair and brownish-blue eyes. "Hi," she introduced. "I'm Lucki. Want to battle?"

    "Sure," he replied. "I'm Jery."

    "Okay. How about one on one?"

    "Sure," he replied again.

    Lucki sent out Flare.

    The boy considered, then picked a greatball and tossed it forward. A round pokemon appeared. Its back and the top half of its face to its upper jaw were blue, barring a handful of white spots on its back, all the way to its small tail. Its lower jaw and underside were solid white, reaching back to a bit after its two small flippers that it used to hold itself steady.

    Spheal. It's a water type, but it's part ice, too, Lucki thought quickly. So Flare isn't at as much of a disadvantage as it seems. And Spheal is only the first stage, too.

    "Water sport!" Jery called. The round pokemon tilted its head up, shooting a fountain of water into the air, coating itself. It then spun around on the ground, so that the fountain sprayed everywhere. Flare yelped and jumped back at the droplets.

    Cool. I wonder if Silver can learn that?

    Within thirty seconds, the battle area was saturated. Flare was dancing about, trying not to step in the soggy grass. "Flare, it's only a little water," Lucki called. "Focus!"

    "Water gun!" The Spheal inhaled, rocking back, then aimed at Flare and shot out a burst of water. Flare jumped to the side, avoiding it, then slipped on the grass and scrabbled to stay upright, barely catching his balance.


    Flare breathed in sharply, then shot red and yellow flames from his mouth, covering the Spheal so that it was completely obscured. When the attack ended, Lucki saw that the Spheal seemed dazed, and steam was rising from its body and the ground around it.

    "All right Flare, take down!"

    The fire type charged, slamming headfirst into the Spheal's body. The force knocked it back, but Flare bounced off it as well.

    "Mud slap!" Before Flare could recover, the Spheal spun around, sending up a wave of mud that collided with the flame pokemon, coating the fur on his head and chest with mud. "Now, rollout!"

    The Spheal began to spin again, but this time rather than spinning like a top with a single point staying against the ground, it rolled like a wheel, skidding a moment as it picked up traction, then starting toward Flare, who was pawing at the mud in his eyes. It hit him headfirst, sending him flying to smack back into the ground a moment later. He stumbled blindly to his feet, turning about desperately to try to figure out where the next attack would come, only to be struck heavily in the side and sent skidding through the muddy grass. He got up again, only to be hit again and knocked down.

    "Focus!" called Lucki again. "Listen for it coming, and once it hits, try to get it with flamethrower!"

    Flare stilled a bit, shaking his head to try to dislodge the mud from his eyes and ears. The Spheal came at him again and he tried to jump to the side. The blow still hit but it was more glancing and he remained standing. It was hard enough, though, to disorient him and he sent out a wild flamethrower that was nowhere near the Spheal.

    "Flare, come on! You can do it!" shouted Lucki.

    The Flareon braced himself as the Spheal prepared for another attack. He stood still, listening. He tried to move aside at the last second, breathing in, and when the Spheal hit he twisted his head in the direction of the blow and exhaled a blast of flame, breaking the spin.

    While the water type was still dazed, Lucki shouted, "Quick! Take down!"

    Flare shook his head, stumbling backwards. He pawed at his face.

    "Hurry up!" Lucki shouted.

    Jery saw that his Spheal was no longer dazed and called, "Water gun!"

    The Spheal inhaled quickly and sent another torrent of water into Flare, who let out a choking yelp and was knocked off his feet.

    "Come on!" Lucki shouted again, frustrated. "Take down!"

    The fire type scrabbled to his feet and charged, kicking up mud as his paws dug into the wet ground, and hit the water/ice type directly. Its round body rolled across the grass at a slower spin than during its rollout attack until it collided with one of the trees nearby.

    "Return," announced Jery, seeing it was unconscious. The Spheal turned red and was sucked back into the pokeball.

    Flare watched this, then slumped down into the mud, barely conscious himself. Jery laughed, surprised. "That was close."

    Lucki laughed as well, although she blushed in embarrassment. "Flare, you're making me look bad," she chided, heading over to give him a potion.

    "...sorry," he responded, his voice distant or perhaps dazed.

    Lucki recalled him. She started to continue, skidding a bit in the mud and almost falling. She walked carefully until she was clear of the battle area, then sped up, her strides larger and more confident.

    It was a beautiful day, Lucki reflected. The sun was shining brightly, warming the air to a comfortable temperature for walking and no further, and the sky was nearly clear, with only a few fluffy clouds drifting in the blue to break up the expanse. Now that she was past the wet battle area, the ground was dry and firm, making for easy walking.

    She didn't meet any other trainers along the way, and aside from a quick battle with a challenging Linoone, who Silver took out easily, there were no other interruptions. Before long, lunchtime had arrived and Lucki decided to stop and set up for a meal. She released her pokemon so they could stretch their legs while she prepared some food. Then she realized her canteen was nearly empty and headed off to find a stream to refill it.

    "...want me," Flare was saying to the Absol when she got back, voice muted.

    "It was never your failing, so of course you cannot fix it," the Absol said in her golden voice. It was so clear and undoubting Lucki felt, hearing it, that whatever it was, it must be true.

    "Hi guys," Lucki called as she approached. Flare jumped up, tail raised momentarily. "Making friends?" She looked at the Absol. "You see, I'm not so bad after all." Flare's tail had dipped back to its normal position.

    "You have made your choice," said the Absol in the same certain voice. "You have no need to make attempts at convincing me; I shall remain until the end."

    "Um...okay..." Lucki responded, not sure what to make of this.

    She ate quickly, wanting to be on her way. There was a waystation for trainers to rest at further along the route, and she was hoping to get there before dark. Sleeping outside was fine on an occasional basis but she'd rather sleep in a bed tonight. Especially if it wound up raining. The few clouds earlier in the morning had started gathering friends, and the western half of the sky was now covered with them. She walked briskly.

    It got darker, both from the sun dipping closer and closer to the horizon and the clouds reaching further across the sky. Lucki was starting to worry she wouldn't find the waystation, but she rounded a curve in the road and saw it off in the distance.

    Finally! Lucki sped up a little, hurrying toward the older wooden building.

    Inside Lucki found other trainers lounging in a common room just beyond the front desk, pokemon splayed out around them. She signed her name for a room, was told there'd be food ready in a half hour, and headed over to chat with the others. She released her five pokemon as she entered. Without a Pokecenter healing machine, the next best thing was just giving them time out to recover their strength.

    Perhaps ten or fifteen minutes passed. One of the other trainers got a call on her cell phone. "What? Wow! Really? Where? Okay!" she snapped it shut and turned to the trainer closest to the remote. "Hey, turn on the TV! Channel five!" The boy grabbed the remote and did so. Lucki, like everyone, looked to the glowing screen, curious what this was all about.

    "...report has been verified. Team Magma appeared in the Route 119 area earlier today, poaching the Tropius herds as well as assorted other wild pokemon. This is their second reported appearance in the area in the past few days," the newswoman stated.

    A quiet, deep cry came from Lucki's right, like the low groan of a tree. Lucki looked toward it.


    He turned his long neck slowly to regard her. After a moment, sounding as if he was speaking from a great depth, he said in a calm, slow voice, almost as if to himself, "Why did I leave with you?" There was no accusation, no anger, just a distant sad bafflement. "Why did I leave?"

    Jump to Chapter Sixteen
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2007
  4. Air Dragon

    Air Dragon Ha, ha... not.

    About time icemew! Let's get to it!

    no real errors here... the only part i saw with a problem was

    Great Ball are two words... not one.

    other than that, a short and very sweet chapter! Poor Saurius, i wonder what'll happen? only thing to do is wait.

    I'm gone for now!


    P.S. TCQ has been updated! check it out!
  5. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    I’m really liking Fara as a character. And I like her name, too. I have to say, I’m glad she didn’t end up being called Abby… :p

    The ending was my favorite part of the chapter…it was just so potent. Now it’s Saurius to whom I feel like giving a hug… ;-;

    Other highlights and et cetera:

    “Her beautiful alien voice”. I love the way you spoke of her voice there. ^^

    There’s another phrase I like: “The few clouds earlier in the morning had started gathering friends” ^^
  6. DarkPersian479

    DarkPersian479 Well-Known Member

    Long time, no see... I've been waiting like forever for the next chapter

    To start off...
    (corrections are in bold)
    Interesting use of Water Sport to make the battlefield a slippery, soggy mess here. And as far as Saurius and Team Magma are concerned... it'll be interesting to see how that scenario plays out.

    Another good chapter, and it's good to see you're still at it. I will be waiting for the next chapter to come out!
  7. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Air Dragon, DarkPersian479, thanks but...I've been writing it that way for the past fifteen chapters, so I'd rather stay consistent.

    And no, I meant scrabbled. It's a word!

    ^.^ Well I'm glad everyone cares about poor Saurius.

    Thanks, Sike Saner, but I can't really take credit for it. It's from something I read once that Tolkien wrote, about hobbit sayings. He talked about how we say things like "It never rains but it pours", and hobbits had a similar saying "One cloud is lonely". The whole thing lodged in my brain for some reason.
  8. Plum

    Plum Beginning Trainer

    Again, wonderful story! It's amazing!! I'm so glad it's finally up!
  9. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Thanks! ^^ This chapter took forever, but the next chapters should go up pretty quick now.
  10. Morpher01

    Morpher01 What'd you say?

    ...I guess the PokeFanon wiki is working. I looked up this fic (twice), found Fara (twice), read this fic (twice), and enjoyed Fara (twice), what with her anti-trainer outlook.

    So, yeah, I'm the two guy.


    I'm not really that much of a trainer fic-loving guy, tell ya the truth. It was Fara, who doesn't WANT to be a trained Pokemon, that got my attention steered towards this (as well as Rai...he's funny sometimes).

    So, congrats. By adding in Fara, who is not only an Absol (I have GOT to put one of those babies in my fics...), but is also anti-trainer, you have gained yourself a reviewer. Again, congratties.

    The story itself is pretty good. Everyone else has pretty much pointed out the mistakes, if any, and now there's me. Right here. Reviewing this cool fic with its cool characters. Me likey.

    Keep it goin', icemew!
  11. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Ooh, cool! I figured I'd was just wasting time writing an article :D I'm glad you like Fara. She's not, exactly, antitrainer......at least not in the usual sense. I think you'll be pretty surprised with how things turn out.;359;

    Chapter 16 - Blue and Red

    In the morning Lucki turned on the unclaimed television to see if she could catch the morning news. She was in luck.

    "After yesterday's incident with Team Magma, officials in the Mt. Chimney area have taken up Team Aqua's offer of protection, admitting worry that Team Magma may make a second attempt at stealing the meteorite. Members of the Team are moving into the area, concentrating around Fallarbor Town," said a newscaster. "And now, the weather."

    Lucki shrugged and flicked the TV off again. Well, that's good. Team Magma won't get away with anything more.

    She recalled most of her pokemon, leaving Silver out, thinking the tiny turtle could use the exercise of a short walk. Water types like Squirtle were really at their best in the water, so getting more practice traveling on land never hurt.

    They hadn't gone far before running into another trainer headed in the opposite direction.

    "Hey, a Squirtle!" the female trainer announced, jogging over. "Wow, I haven't seen anyone else using one of those."

    "Oh, you have one?" Lucki asked.

    The girl nodded. "Well, it's a Wartortle now. But yeah."

    "Cool, want to have a battle?"

    "Between the two? Sure." The other girl threw out a premierball, releasing a Wartortle.

    "All right, Silver, tackle!"

    "Dodge and bite!"

    Silver ran forward, charging her opponent, who dropped onto all fours so that her attack struck the edge of the turtle pokemon's shell and simply bounced off. While she was off balance the Wartortle snapped its jaws closed on Silver's leg. She let out a shout and then blasted the Wartortle with water gun. The attack managed to knock it loose.

    "Is that the best you can do?" demanded the Wartortle arrogantly, getting up easily.

    "Pull back and use skull bash!" called the other girl.

    "Silver, use water gun and then dodge when it charges!" Lucki directed.

    As the Wartortle lowered its head and got into a crouch, Silver sent another torrent of water into it. Then, almost without warning, the Wartortle shot forward, pushing through the high-powered blast as if it wasn't there. Silver dove to the side, the attack barely missing.

    "Tackle now!"

    Just as the Wartortle managed to come to a halt, Silver jumped the other water type from behind, tackling it and knocking it to the ground. Expression irritated, the Wartortle twisted around and blasted her with its own water gun, sending her flying off the larger water pokemon. As Silver stood back up, the Wartortle inhaled in preparation of another water gun.

    "Mirror coat!" Lucki shouted.

    Silver didn't react immediately but shimmered at the last second as the Wartortle launched its attack. The blast hit, water flying everywhere and temporarily obscuring the tiny turtle. When it stopped, an answering torrent of water hit the Wartortle, smashing it across the field.

    "Enough of this – Skull Bash!" ordered the other girl.

    Lucki had been expecting a delay, like there had been the first time. Instead the Wartortle charged, smashing into Silver before either of them could react. She collapsed.

    "Good battle," Lucki complemented, heading over to Silver and spraying her with a potion, waking the Squirtle up. "Your Wartortle's pretty strong."

    "Thanks," the other girl replied. "You did pretty well yourself."

    Lucki recalled Silver and continued on. She walked for a few more hours, not making much progress. The terrain was hilly and overgrown with thick grass, at times blocking the path. Here and there were ridges allowing for a quick shortcut to the next length of trail, but many were too high for her to attempt, or would drop her first into dubious patches of deep, tangled vegetation she'd have to fight through to get back onto the main path. Still others were facing in the opposite direction, useful if she ever came back this way but, for the moment, having no more use than to mock her progress. Sticking to the trail, she went up and down and up again, occasionally trying to cut across and less occasionally regretting it. Lunch came and went as Lucki, frustrated by her slowness, munched on a sandwich while she continued rather than take a break. Finally, though, she seemed to be out of the worst of it and the path had smoothed out into something mostly level. Minutes later, Lucki saw a familiar figure around a bend in the path.

    "Oh hey!" yelled Lucki. "Keegan!" He turned to see her and waved, waiting as she broke into a jog to catch up.

    "Hey," he greeted. "Nice to see you again, Lucki."

    "Same here. What are you doing in the area? The Safari Zone?"

    Keegan shook his head. "I might check it out," he allowed, "but I'm here to visit Mt. Pyre."

    "Oh – your pokemon...?"

    "No, no, they're fine. I'm just going to visit the shrine for luck before my next big battle. It's going to be pretty hard. How about you?"

    "I'm headed toward Lilycove," Lucki explained. "Then on to the islands for my next badge. I might stop at the Safari Zone, though. I've gotten five pokemon. A sixth would complete my team. Seems you're ahead of me there, though," she observed, seeing that he now had three pokeballs on either side of his belt.

    "Yeah, just finished. A Mawile, Vileplume and Voltorb. So you got the badge back in Fortree?"

    Lucki nodded.

    "What'd you think? Easy or hard?"

    "Pretty hard," Lucki admitted. "I had an electric type, but none of my others had a real advantage. And my newest two, well, one was a grass type, and the other...we're still getting used to each other."

    Keegan nodded sympathetically. "Some pokemon take a while to warm up to their trainer."

    "I guess." Lucki sighed.

    They continued south.

    "So what's happened?" Keegan asked. "Anything interesting?"

    "Ran into some Team Magma jerks," Lucki grumbled. "Got my pokemon stolen back when they attacked Route 119 the first time. It's a good thing we've got the good guys like Team Aqua's around to keep them in line."

    Keegan smiled wryly. "Good guys?"

    "Well, yeah. I didn't trust them at first, but they've protecting us from Magma."

    "If you say so."

    "What, you don't think so?"

    "Magma and Aqua are enemies, you know. Of course Aqua shows up wherever Magma is. That doesn't mean they care about any of you."

    "Hey, they returned the stolen pokemon! And they offered to protect Lavaridge and Fallarbor from Magma."

    "Only because they thought they'd be stopping Magma," Keegan replied as they approached a fork in the road.

    "And the stolen pokemon?"

    "Eh. By that point, the police weren't far behind. Besides, they wouldn't have any use for them. Aqua's the stronger team, after all." He shook his head. "I'm just saying, I wouldn't be so trusting."

    Lucki shrugged. "It's not like I'm about to sign up," she retorted. "I just think they've shown themselves to be pretty decent." Her stomach rumbled. "Also, I'm getting hungry. Wanna stop for supper soon?"

    "Sorry," Keegan apologized, "but I've got to keep going." He pointed to the southern branch of the road. "Besides, we're about to split up, right? You're going west."

    Lucki nodded. "Too bad...well, maybe we'll meet up again."

    Keegan smiled. "I hope so. Well, goodbye," he told her, starting off down the southern fork.

    "Bye!" Lucki called, waving. She continued a bit further before stopping to rest. The wind had picked up and it was getting chilly, so she started a campfire after releasing her pokemon.

    Silver sat a bit apart, seemingly lost in thought.

    By the time she'd gotten set up for supper, Raiden had been running in progressively faster circles for almost ten minutes. Swaying on his feet, he stumbled over and lay down near the flames, panting heavily. Flare watched the whole thing dispassionately from where he was sitting.

    "You really should try harder, Flare," Lucki chided. "You know, give it your all. Just look at how hard Raiden works. He runs until he's exhausted. I mean, sometimes I wonder if you're up for this. You have to give effort."

    "I...understand," Flare said slowly, standing. "I'm – sorry. I'll work harder." He tossed a glance to the Manectric before he began to sprint across the grass in wide loops.

    Raiden had already fallen asleep near the campfire. He looked cute and innocent, flopped on the ground with his head in his paws. Lucki smiled and went back to stirring the soup.

    It was just starting to bubble, finally warmed up, when Raiden began to twitch in his sleep. Sparks fizzled in the air. He yelped, waking up.

    "Raiden, are you okay?" she asked, taking a step toward him. He shouted and jumped, shocking her.

    "Ow!" Lucki burst out. "Why'd you do that?"

    "Sorry..." Raiden said. He was still shaking. "My dream...I was upset from that."

    "You had a nightmare? What was it?"

    "I was...with my mom and dad, but they couldn't see me, and I was shouting but they couldn't hear me, and they were talking about me, saying I was dead."

    "It's okay," Lucki comforted, "you're not going to-"

    "It doesn't matter!" he wailed suddenly, a mournful howl distinct under the translator's words. "I-I- I can't ever-"

    "Couldn't you?" said the Absol.

    "Couldn't he what?"

    "It's nothing," Raiden responded after a delay, dropping his head. He slunk off, moving slowly. "Sorry."

    Lucki wasn't sure what to make of this. She started eating her soup.

    * * *

    The path was easier, and she made good time walking the next day. She reached the Safari Zone by about four in the afternoon. She headed into the Zone immediately, looking for a Girafarig. She managed to see a few, but none let her close enough to have a chance at catching. Before she knew it, the park was closing. Afterward, she hung out at the trainers' rest station, listening to people's advice on catching pokemon and snacking on the sandwiches they sold.

    At seven, one of the other trainers promptly changed the television station to the news. Lucki, like the others, clustered around. I wonder if Fallarbor or Lavaridge were attacked?

    "In tonight's top story," announced the anchorman, "a Team Magma agent infiltrated the Mt. Pyre shrine, stealing the sacred Blue Orb that resides there."

    Jump to Chapter Seventeen
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2007
  12. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    Wow… wonder what’s up with Raiden? o.o That nightmare of his seems like it might be particularly significant, and what he said after he told Lucki of the dream seems equally significant, perhaps even moreso. I get the feeling we’ll be learning a good deal more about him as a character in upcoming chapters…

    So yeah, between that and Keegan’s warning about trusting Aqua, that chapter definitely provided something to think about with regards to what lies ahead in this story. Quite nice. ^^
  13. Air Dragon

    Air Dragon Ha, ha... not.

    Darn it, Sike said all i was gonna say. A bit of an eye opener, especially why the pokemon are almost all out of character now. Well, i guess time will tell...

    Oh, yeah... no errors! Give it up for icemew!

  14. DarkPersian479

    DarkPersian479 Well-Known Member

    I hate to say this but...

    ...you should have described Wartortle in that battle.

    And it was a bit on the short side and some parts were hurried through kinda quickly. For example, you could have elaborated on some things, like Lucki's frustration as the Girafarig prove to be way too elusive for her. I should know as I spent five hours in the forkin' Safari Zone in Leaf Green hunting for Chansey (and not even a Lucky Egg one!) But I digress.

    It did seem like Lucki was moving rather quickly, and it would seem as she would have gotten in more scraps along the way. Then again, this chapter seems more or less designed to set up some major plot twists and eerie foreshadowing. And in that respect, you have done well.

    Other than that, thanks for (potentially, we don't know yet) dashing my hopes that at least one of the teams would be the good guys. Oh, well, I guess it'll add quite a bit more suspense, 'cause now Lucki's gotta be careful of trouble from both ends- Aqua and Magma. Of course, maybe Keegan's just misreading Aqua, but you can't be too careful... Who can you trust?

    A short chapter but with a lot of stuff is packed in there that seems to be building toward something major... and already the theft of an Orb is upsetting the Pokemon. Big things are coming...
  15. icemew

    icemew Banned

    Yes&no. ;310; It's not the lead in to some brand new plotline, so it'll get resolved in one go...probly in the chapter after next.

    :confused: The pokemon are out of character?

    I totally forgot to do that, didn't I? :redface:

    She wasn't really frustrated, tho. She got there late and was only there about an hour. She was planning to head back the next day and try again.

    Well, it took her two days. Or do you mean how fast the story's going? I didn't really want to write out extra battles, but if you guys want them, I can put in more.

    Keegan. >.>

    :) So that's what you think is causing things? ;383;
  16. icemew

    icemew Banned

    And it all comes together...

    Chapter Seventeen – Day Twelve: Betrayals

    The thief can't be far. Team Aqua's over around Mt. Chimney, but they'll be heading this way, and after the attack on Route 119, the police are probably patrolling the area and trainers will be on the lookout. So the thief will probably be heading to Lilycove.

    It was too late to rush out and try to find the thief, but she was closer to Lilycove than Mt. Pyre was. There was a good chance the Team Magma jerk would have to pass her, or at worst, was only a bit ahead.

    She could do this.


    Lucki woke early the next morning. She threw on clothing, gulped down breakfast, and rushed out.

    She alternated between a brisk walk and a jog. It was too early for many people to be out traveling. A far off mist lay in the low points of the path, weaving through the green plants of the forest. There as a faint coolness in the air, not quite a dampness or chill.

    By the time Lucki came upon any other trainers, the mist had been burned off by the rising sun.

    "Have you seen anyone from Team Magma going this way?" Lucki demanded. The boy shook his head, but then told her, "I did see someone in a rush further on than me. I didn't get a close look, but they were dressed in red."

    She thanked him and took off again. Other trainers said similar things, most saying they weren't completely sure because whoever-it-was tended to use sidepaths and shortcuts through the brush, so that they saw them but didn't actually pass them close up. By this point the area was starting to get rougher. At some points, the main path wove in and around crags and sudden drops, and the plants were shrubby but stiff and hard to push through. In places ledges were short enough that a foolhardy trainer might risk a jump. Other times the path split between a main path and a narrower side path that took a steep shortcut on unstable, crumbling ground. Before long, Lucki was taking those shortcuts, hoping it'd be enough to let her catch up. After a while she was through the worst of it, on a mostly straight path between forest and field.

    Finally, Lucki caught a flash of red moving though the trees off the path. Quickly she hopped off the path as well, and following her quarry. After she caught up to the point she could see clearly he was wearing a Team Magma uniform, she started to slow, trying to move more quietly and stay behind bushes and rocks, out of sight. After all, losing track of the red thug wouldn't be much different than alerting him she was tailing him and prompting him to flee.

    He stepped into a small clearing and Lucki halted, hiding behind a bush. It must have been an agreed-upon meeting place, because there were two other people there dressed in the same uniform. One was taller than the others, probably an adult.

    And the other reached into his pocket and pulled out a shining blue orb.

    "You got it," said the tallest one. He sounded like an adult, too. "But Aqua will be moving this way. I don't know if there's any route we could make it out on. Which way will you head?"

    And the one holding the Blue Orb nodded. "Lilycove," he said, voice familiar.


    "It's the one place they won't look. They'll waste their time trying to figure out where I am and covering the north, south and west. When they can't find it, they'll think I got through and move their attentions further away."

    Lucki recognized his voice.

    "Are you sure?" the adult asked.

    She recognized it. He didn't have to keep talking.

    "I know it's risky to hide in their stronghold, but it's the only chance. Brenton, you'll have to head north and get caught. Tell them you were a distraction and I really headed south. Once the submarine gets hit right after Flannery's attack, they'll be spread too far to pay any attention to a regular trainer."

    He didn't have to keep talking. He didn't have to turn to the other boy so that his face was turned up and caught the light.

    He didn't have to. She already knew it was Keegan.

    She took a step backwards, then spun around and ran, her eyes stinging.


    What was she going to do?

    She finally came to a halt, legs trembling from exhaustion and lungs aching as she gasped for air.

    There was no question of what she was going to do. She was going to stop them. Because they were criminals (deceivers) and she would stop them. Get them back for what he did.

    She'd stop them all, reclaim the Orb, smash the whole cursed organization.

    When she was ready, she started moving again, at a careful, recovering jog. She could do this.

    She would do this.

    Lucki kept going east.

    And when she saw a pair of teens in black and white shirts and long blue pants, she threw herself toward them with a sense of incredible relief. "Hey!"

    The pair hesitated, looking confused, and she ran up to them. "You're looking for the guy who stole the Orb, right?"

    Both pairs of eyes focused on her with laser intensity. She had their attention. "Yeah," said the boy on the right.

    "He's going to Lilycove. I know who he is."

    "You-you're sure?" asked the girl on the left. "Can you find him?"

    Lucki nodded, a cold fury churning inside her chest.

    The pair exchanged a look. "We'll tell the admins. When you get to the next town, they should have someone waiting there to help you. With any luck, we can catch him there."

    "Thank you," said the girl. "You have no idea how important to all of us this is."

    Lucki nodded. They split up, and Lucki continued east.

    The path started to get worse, returning to the mix of crags and plummets she'd traveled earlier. For a while it led through a low valley, the sides sloping upward and dotted with trees and small shrubs.

    Lucki heard a rustling above her. She glanced toward it, then jumped back, narrowly avoiding the Duskull's nightshade, which struck the path before her. She yelled, startled. The brown-grey, skull-faced round pokemon started to float closer, beginning another nightshade attack. "Go, Silver!"

    The petite Squirtle sparkled into being, just in time to be hit by the wave of dark energy.

    "Hit back with water gun!" Lucki ordered.

    Silver climbed to her feet, inhaled and shot a bullet of water into the requiem pokemon, sending the floating pokemon tumbling through the air. It stabilized, righted itself and began to float back. A second water gun passed through it without effect.

    "What is this?" Silver asked, sounding slightly nervous.

    "It's just a ghost type," Lucki replied distractedly, thinking. "They can turn intangible."

    The Duskull floated closer, and Silver backed up a pace. "What should I do?"

    "Let me think. Uh, try an ice beam," Lucki said, trying to remember Squirtles' full moveset.

    Silver focused, gathering the energy and then sending a shimmering ice beam at the ghost type. The attack passed through, freezing the side of the crevice. The Duskull shivered.

    "It didn't work!"

    "You need a dark type move to hit an intangible ghost. You should be able to...Try using bite."

    Silver looked from side to side across the path, as if she was hoping some alternative would present itself, or at least a way out. "But I don't know how!"

    "Don't be like that, it's not hard," Lucki said. She should be experienced enough to know bite by this point. "You saw the Wartortle use it. Just open your mouth and bite it."

    Silver stood still.

    "Come on, Silver!" Lucki yelled, frustrated.

    She didn't react. The Duskull approached closer. The tiny turtle shifted nervously on her feet, then launched herself at the ghost type, snapping her jaws shut on one edge. The Duskull shuddered, pulling itself loose and leaving a chunk of its body in Silver's mouth, which quickly dissipated into the air.

    The Duskull seemed to frown. It shuddered and let out an eerie groan as it sank into the ground. Lucki waited several seconds to see if it would reappear. When did didn't, she figured it must have decided to flee the battle. Still, I should probably leave Silver out for a bit, in case it's just waiting for me to recall her. She started walking again.

    Silver took a few steps, then stopped dead. She stood perfectly still, staring upward without a sound. Lucki followed the Squirtle's gaze, and saw the broad nest of a Swellow in a cleft half-supported by a broad tree and half the cliff wall. A mother, because from under her breast poked the small, curious navy heads of several Taillow. The Swellow was watching them alertly, ready to fight if they attacked. She shifted to shelter her young under her wings, hiding them from view.

    "A Swellow mom," Lucki said. "Cute, huh?"

    Silver began to cry.

    Lucki didn't know what to do. She stared dumbly for a moment. "What's wrong?"

    "I never even," Silver said, her voice sad. Under the translator, it was a miserable sob. "She laid an egg and they t-t-took I they." Her voice hiccuped. "I have brothers and sisters I'll never who. Who don't know I exist. I never even saw -" Silver sobbed louder. "That Wartortle was the first one I ever saw. She doesn't even know I exist. Did she - did she – care?"

    "It's okay Silver," Lucki tried. "I-"

    "Why did you pick me!" Silver screamed, the calm sad voice of the translator contrasting horribly with the desolate wail underneath. "You saw I was small and weak and scared. You saw I wasn't a fighter. Why did you pick me?"


    Lucki finally managed to calm Silver down to a miserable silence. Unsettled, she recalled the petite turtle and headed on, hoping the next town's Nurse Joy might be able to explain what had happened.

    The path continued to get worse. Now it was virtually a three-dimensional maze, with the main path weaving up and down as well as back and forth as it navigated the complicated rocky landscape. At many points there were splits forming alternative paths, some of which served as efficient shortcuts and others that turned out to dead-end, forcing her to backtrack and try again.

    She ruminated on the path's problems until she saw one of the red-hooded thugs below her, driving all other thoughts from her mind.

    He was on a lower plateau, connected to Lucki's position by a steep but doable gradient. He was smaller than the ones she'd seen earlier, somebody else, and he had a map open. She started to slide down.

    "Dammit," he muttered.

    "Hey!" Lucki burst out furiously, recognizing the voice under the hood of the Team Magma uniform. "You're the pokemon thief!" He'd spilled the pokeballs on the ground. He'd been the one with Keegan.

    He took off at her voice in a sprint, not even throwing a glance over his shoulder to see who'd yelled.

    "Get back here!" Lucki shouted, jumping the last few feet and chasing after him.

    He was a lot faster than she was. He ran to the edge of the current flat area and jumped off the edge, running around a corner into a dead end. He skidded to a near halt and twisted, starting to double back, but Lucki got there at the last second to block him. He tried to stop before he ran into her, overbalanced and tripped, falling backward.

    "Go!" she shouted, tossing her pokeball. "Get him, Flare!"

    The Team Magma member was cornered. She had him!

    "Good boy, easy," he said nervously to Flare, who had barred his teeth in a snarl and prepared to attack.

    Flare's ears pricked and the whole of his posture changed. His shoulders dipped and his tail dropped down to the ground. He let out a low whine, perhaps of shock, a wordless sound untouched by the translator around his neck. He looked over his shoulder at Lucki after a moment, back to the boy, back to Lucki, and shifted backwards slightly.

    "Flare!" Lucki shouted. "What's wrong with you? He's a thief and he's part of Team Magma!"

    Flare didn't seem to hear her. He had dropped his head and was staring at the boy with almost imploring eyes. His tail moved feebly.

    The boy must have seen something in it Lucki couldn't, because he vaulted up and then rammed Lucki with one arm, the other swinging to knock the pokeball out of her hands. He caught it as he ran past, turning a moment at the other end of the crevice.

    "Come on!" he called. "Follow me!"

    And before Lucki could understand what he meant, Flare had jumped past her and bounded after him.
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2007
  17. Air Dragon

    Air Dragon Ha, ha... not.

    Whoa, quite a chappie! Silver really broke down there and flare running off again! man, Lucki had some pretty bad luck these days, huh?

    I think that’s dissipated

    Why did you pick me?!" Silver screamed, the calm sad voice of the translator contrasting horribly with the desolate wail underneath. "You saw I was small and weak and scared. You saw I wasn't a fighter. Why did you pick me?"

    And you know, i just may have figured Flare out... if i recall correctly, flare was abandoned. the magma guy could be his old trainer! or maybe that's not flare at all!

  18. Plum

    Plum Beginning Trainer

    Good story! Woot!
  19. DarkPersian479

    DarkPersian479 Well-Known Member

    Dang, Lucki's best friend ends up joining the opposition... at least that explains why he was trash talking Team Aqua. And Flannery's attack? Is she in on this whole Magma scheme as well?

    Silver's traumatic past is apparently coming back to haunt her. And apparently Flare's past is also coming back as well, with the one who had left him before. I noticed that Flare's been removed from your sig. Could that be a clue?

    Grammar corrections below
    Anyway, nice chapter. Lucki's ready to take the battle to Team Magma, and this is SO not the time to be having emotional issues with her Pokemon! It'll be interesting to see if she can overcome these setbacks to crush those hoodie-wearing jerks!
  20. icemew

    icemew Banned


    ...yeah, I can't believe I did that. I'm going to say autocorrect should have some of the blame because it's obviously trying to make me look like I'm dumb but I must have misspelled it horribly to start.

    Silver, I meant as just a yell. She's not really asking.
    Sorry but nope. Lucki is Flare's first and only trainer. The Magma guy is the kid from back in Chapter 11.

    Plum, thanks!

    DarkPersian479, thanks for finding that, fixed!

    Well, somewhat.

    Actually...like I said above Flare's a breeding center poke. He's never had a trainer besides Lucki.
    As to clue...only about as much as when my sig changed after Lucki's pokemon were stolen.

    It is pretty inconvenient ^^ But she's going to have Team Aqua helping. So maybe maybe not, depends on how important that Blue Orb is.
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