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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Yoshi-kun, Jan 29, 2012.

  1. Yoshi-kun

    Yoshi-kun Wandering the Forums

    I do not own Pokemon.

    So this is a one shot parody that I created after reading one too many song fics.

    Rating: G

    Credit: Sobakasu by Mary and Judy

    Translation: Animelyrics.com


    It was such a lovely melody that she couldn't help but sing along, though the person watching her couldn't understand why.

    "~Omoide wa itsumo kirei dakedo~"

    "Um, May, what are you doing?"

    "~Sore dake ja onaka ga suku no~"

    "May, I know you can hear me."

    Of course she could, but she pretended not to.

    "~Hontou wa setsunai yoru na no ni~"

    So he finally ripped the music player out of her hands and cut it off.

    "Max! What was that for!?"

    "Now that you're paying attention," he mocked. "I asked what you were doing?"

    Snatching the player back, she muttered, "I was listening to music."

    "Nooo," he drawled. "You were singing nonsense."

    She looked appalled. "It's not nonsense! It's awesome!" Before he could even react, she had turned it back on, and rammed the headphones over his head.


    "~Doushite kashira?~Ano hito no namida mo omoidasenai no~Omoidasenai no~Dou... La La La La La La~Doushite na no?~"

    He blinked. "What was that?"

    Looking down at her music player she replied, "Sobakasu. It's so funky, and bouncy, and happy! It's kinda addicting actually."

    "Err, yeah." Personally he didn't see how whatever he just heard could be addicting, but he considered his sister's taste in music eccentric at best anyway. That being said the random gibberish did get him curious. "But you don't even know what they're saying."

    "So? Can't you just feel it when they're singing? It's like they're trying to tell you be happy!"

    Naturally being the little cynic he was Max wasn't convinced, so he walked over to her computer and entered some information in a search engine...

    "There it is!"

    "There what is?" she questioned.

    He turned to her with a victorious smile. "Sobakasu."

    Glaring at him, May walked over to the screen and started reading.

    Memories are always beautiful, but
    With just them, your stomach will feel empty
    And the truth is, though this is a painful night
    I wonder why?
    I can't even remember his tears
    I can't even remember
    Why... La La La La La La
    Why can't I?

    "Um..." May sweatdropped. "It still sounds nice."


    So basically I've read a lot of song fics where the lyrics don't match the story/pairing/plot or worse was a copy/paste of a bunch of romaji that when translated still doesn't match. I think the lyrics should matter more than that.
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2012
  2. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Haha, that's not a bad way to make that point, certainly. Got a laugh out of me with the ending, and I certainly agree with the author's note at the end; song has to fit in some way.

    It was very lightly written so maybe a bit more expansion on some things would have been nice (even if it wasn't the purpose/point of the story) which would have made the 'it doesn't fit' point slightly stronger.
    This sentence sounds incomplete; merging with the previous sentence or rewording is what I'd suggest.
    eclectic means diverse or assorted iirc so it doesn't quite seem the right word to me... maybe eccentric?

    Short but sweet; nicely put together point imo.
  3. Yoshi-kun

    Yoshi-kun Wandering the Forums

    I'm glad it did, I was kind of worried since this was my first attempt at humor.

    You mean more description background right? Yeah, you have a point with that. Interestingly my writing style tends to be a lot more descriptive than that, but I've been burned out by college papers to the point that writing wasn't fun anymore. So this was an attempt at getting back into it and cutting down my overflowing description. I need to find a balance.

    You're right. I didn't notice that.

    That's it! That's the word I was trying to think of, well I was I close.

    Thank you. I may end up rewriting this at some point when I don't have such a mental block, but for now I'm glad I was able to give you a laugh.
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2012
  4. DragonXmicro

    DragonXmicro 何これ?かえったね。

    I thought this was funny, only cuz i have had some experiences with it. It is nicely written. Id like a sequel, but im not pushing it.
  5. Yoshi-kun

    Yoshi-kun Wandering the Forums

    I agree, seeing the inspiration for this probably makes it funnier, but I tried to make it easy to get the joke. And yeah, I don't have any ideas for a sequel at the moment. ^ ^; Thank you for reviewing.
  6. Encyclopika

    Encyclopika The Queen

    You mentioned this in the Shipping Fic Cafe and I was curious enough to read it, since I share your views. I really got a kick out of it. Great point! Haha.
    I also like the writing - it was short, with just enough detail to paint the picture I needed to enjoy it. Also, May and Max were perfecting in-character. :D

    Awesome stuff. ^^
  7. Yoshi-kun

    Yoshi-kun Wandering the Forums

    Thank you! I tried to think of a nice concise way to write this to get the point across, maybe give some laughs too. Thank you for reiveing.
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2012

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