Maggots of Society [Journey Fic - R]

[Irith_Locke]

Damn, this is good. I'm disappointed in myself that I've put off looking at this for so long.
I am a huge fan of evilish characters, so this is instant win for me. I loved his hatred for his mother, especially the fantasy of pulling off her nails, though I think it would be nice to know where it came from. It's very mysterious already, and I'm itching for more!

No real criticism here. I don't go for grammar/spelling unless it distracts me, and it didn't in this.

Keep up the good (or evil) work!

 

[Burnt Flower]

Yay for more comments!

Ventus3: Luckily for you, the next chapter is actually pretty damn tame, though I suspect not too many people will like it.... And the questions the prologue left will be answered in time. I'll try to wrap up all loose threads by the time the story ends. :3

Okay, I shall add you!

shon_taylor: The next chapter will deal on how he got his first Pokemon, but I hope it's not too dull... Haha, the 'Everyone's dead' line was one of my favorites as well. Thanks for reviewing! =)

Added as well!

Irith_Locke: Andrew's motivation will be explained throughout the story, though keep in mind that that part was all a hallucination. But yeah, he's not a very nice person....

Thanks for commenting! *hugs*

 

[Xewtwo]

Ah, how fun. Like Pokemon meets Hannibal. The sociopathic boy is so downright evil... His hatreds were displayed quite well, especially with the anti-cliches littered all around there: the Dodrio, the pokeball clock, the earliness... But that has already been said and done.

The dead pokemon were done very well. I myself always had problems imagining a decapitated Jigglypuff, simply because I always feel as if its body is so rubbery... While the status of the lab was rather horrific, I must admit THAT isn't the part that made me wince. It was the bit about the toenails.

 

[Air Dragon]

Hey there!

First Apprentice to the sacred art of Serebii Review Ryu, Air Dragon, enters the fray... fair and square!

GRAMMAR:

pulled her nails off one by one with a pair of pliers

With bated breath, he entered the sliding doors,

Is it just me, or do the works I read get progressively better in this section of my reviews? I can’t give you less than an A+ for the great work, though as this is the prologue, I’d advise you greatly to keep this standard running.

CAST:

Andrew: Wow, now this is one hateful (mutters extremely profane expletive here). His entire life seems to be geared towards hating humanity. Does the absence of his father have anything to do with the moulding of this angelic-faced menace? Or is it some deep, psychological disorder? For the protagonist, you threw us quite the evil loon with a macabre sense of hatred.

I like it.

Though horror and macabre are the sort of things I’d usually watch, it doesn’t change the fact that this may just add to my reading preferences.

Too many holes surround Andrew’s psyche for now, and though I reckon you wanted this from the start, it winds up being slightly frustrating.

Aaaargh. Darnit. I can’t help myself... it’s that good... A

DESCRIPTION:

Please... whatever you do... do NOT produce horror movies... you make Alien vs. Predator look like a Nintendogs review... and that’s scary...

Damn, you’re good at this.

A.

PLOT:

Andrew seems to be intensely angsty or hateful, even to his doting mother. But for what reasons? To what aim does he seek Prof. Oak’s admiration so fervently?

And with Jason and the mystery woman, who are they? And what the hell is Andrew agreeing to?

You have me asking so many questions, I’m simply staring at my screen helplessly for the answers.

You know what i'm gonna give you here, so don't ask any "Where ma grade at?" questions. Got me, cuz?

LENGTH:

For a prologue it was well-lengthed. Tome-like, compared to other intros and the minimum requirements. I was definitely kept engaged by this beauty of a horror fic.

As the rose has its beauty, so does its thorns bear its sting.

Ah have no idea what ah said, but basically, you scored yerself another A.

OVERALL:

As I’d expect from a seasoned horror writer. Though I never really was into the stuff earlier, going by the prologue and the snippets in the Author’s Café, this work may just be in the realms of greatness with EM1, Mix and IceKing.

As this is just the beginning, I’d feel prudent in letting you have this darling ;121; as my final verdict.

L@er!

 

[Burnt Flower]

Xewtwo: Jigglypuff wasn't decapitated; the Spearow was. Haha, the bit of the toenails I added kind of made me wince as well. And Andrew isn't as "evil" as another character that will show up in th next chapter. Thanks for reviewing!

Air Dragon: I'm glad you reviewed!

Ughhh, I could've sworn I fixed the baited-bated typo...damn SPPF server. *shakes fist* I'll fix the plier thing too. And yes, I try to proofread as much as I can, though sometimes there are things that escape my notice. XP

Oooooh, you're the only person who mentioned an absence of a father! VERY GOOD! =D And it's a whole mix of things.

I see that some people that aren't too into this sort of thing are reading my fic. I really don't know what to say to that...hopefully some readers won't regret it later on. XD You'll see who exactly Jason is in the next chapter (it'll have a focus on him). As to what Andrew is agreeing to...you'll see later on, heh. I don't know if the length of my chapters is adequate enough...chapter one isn't too long, to be honest.

Thank you! I really like reading thorough reviews such as yours. I hope some people will like reading this, though I know I can't please everyone. :3




TO ALL: Chapter one is probably coming early next week; I wrote a good chunk of it last night.

 

[Kacho]

^ Sometimes I feel like your personality is post one thing at a time, then collect comments, and then post your next chapter...

I am anticipated! ^^

 

[jirachiman876]

Okay Patteh. Hit me in the PM list. I need to start reading fics again. ^^; I think I stopped with chibi's fic. *missed too much and not gonna remember anything (glares at chibi)* But I'm gonna pick up Saber's again. *has no idea why he's saying this here*
Anyway, great stoofs. I'm so glad I'm reading you stuff again. I've always loved the horror and gruesomeness of everything. You're quite an influence on Fenit who seems to have picked up the same kinda of horror stuff.
Anyway (again) Great prolougue. great description of course. I like Jason too. He seems to be misterious in a way too. *hasn't read the preview you had in the cafe* I may have to go look for it. I was really confused after everything changed to a death scene. I was like what??? I'm just kinda confuzzled as to what happened. ^^;
No mistakes. (my specialty still!!!!) I like this start and I'm ready to read more.
jirachiman out ;385;

 

[Burnt Flower]

Kacho: Hahaha, if I had all the chapters written down already, that would be my strategy. XD But since I don't, I'm posting chapters when I'm done writing them.

jirachiman876: Heya Lewis, long time no see. =O

And I think I may just adore you for saying I'm an influence on Fenit. That made me laugh soooooo hard. XD

And you're the only other person who likes Jason, asides from Chbi Pika. :3 Chapter one is focused on him, so he won't be as mysterious anymore (or not too much, at least). Bah, everyone got confused by that...I'm such a crappy writer. I guess I need to improve more, since there'll be some more confusing scenes later on.

Anyway, a million thanks, Lewis! And keep on posting in SPPF!



TO ALL: I've done even more writing for chapter one. It'll be out definitely in a couple of days.

 

[Noheart]

Awesome Story. All I can say is... can't wait 'till the next chapter. Like many of the Authors here, you have an amazing imagination. Keep it up.

 

[Legend of Lucario]

You know what?

I actually didn't skim it I thouroughly read through it and whew...chills.

But I wonder what must they do. I can't wait to find out and I can't wait for the next chapter

Travis *gives yet another cookie*

PS: Also add me to the PM List please! I like this story

 

[Burnt Flower]

Piekid11: Aw, thanks! I think my imagination can get a little dark at times, though! XD Thanks for reviewing!

Legend of Lucario: I'm going to get fat with all the cookies you give me, heh. =P That will be revealed a bit later on. Do you mean you skimmed it first time around? And you've been added as well! :3


TO ALL: Don't worry, people, chapter one is coming out this week definitely! And thanks for your support!

 

[Legend of Lucario]

Yeah and then I sat and read it for detail and whew chills. I read it again. I was bored while working on my fanfic so I read the prologue again. And I'll start feeding you some organic stuff.

Gives some soy milk for the cookies!

IDK how good those cookies are going to be with the soy milk.

 

[Dusk Eagle]

Well there's really not much I can say that hasn't been said on these three pages but great intro! Add me to the PM list please.

 

[Eclipse]

I like your sick, morbid sense of humour. I couldn't help but giggle when you described the Jigglypuff.

I also found your character, Andrew, interesting and instantly likeable. Definatly not a stock standard newbie.

I'll definately keep a close eye on this fic. You've gripped me.

 

[Burnt Flower]

Legend of Lucario: I can never skim when I read stories; I just get VERY confused later on. Never tasted soy milk, but thanks. XDDD

Dusk Eagle: Don't worry, I like people who comment on my stories. Annnnd added!

Eclipse: I can't say I was trying to make it humorous, but I guess things come out that way sometimes. ^^; Andrew is one of my favorite characters to write about; I'm happy that you think he's an interesting character.



TO ALL: Let's see if I can get the next chapter by tomorrow night. I've been feeling a bit crappy, so I hope you guys understand. =)

 

[Legend of Lucario]

Hope that you enjoy it! I'm running out of delicious goodies to give you though so I might have to change to huggles! Anyways I can't wait for the next chapter. It'll be great!

 

[Charsel]

Nice prologue, brought attention and you didn't put too much detail in it to keep us wondering on what's to come, nicely done. I must say though, I really do hope you have quite a good story or a good reason to keep the audience amused. Because I've seen a few works die due to the fact that they centre too much on gore/grotesque imagery and lack the good story telling/pace to keep them running. So good luck! Just be aware that some of the "dream" sequences or what-not's can become confusing for others, so maybe get it proof read by someone else before posting trust me, this helps immensely in the final stages of the editing process, other people pick up bits that you don't.

About the only thing I'd have to say, is that the idolisation of Oak was... a bit limited. Unless it'll be described more in future chapters, it just lacked incentive IMO for Andrew to consider Oak as his "hero", but 'part from that it looks cool

Good luck on the fic! Hope it turns out awesomage Might stick around for the *first* chapter to come out

But seriously, 3 pages and only one prologue? Bloody hell... who'd you pay to get this sort of attention?

~Char ;005;

 

[Noheart]

Can I be added to the PM list? The prologue makes it sound like a really interesting story. Can't wait for Chapter 1.

 

[Burnt Flower]

Legend of Lucario: Eh, I don't know if too many people will like the next chapter, but we'll see. =P

Charsel: Hopefully people will like the story I have up my sleeve, though I admit that things change the more I write; an example would be the personality of Jason...which you'll see the next chapter. Yeah, maybe I'll do that since I didn't find that hallucination all THAT confusing. I don't know what people will think later on. XD Actually, his hero worship comes from a specific reason, and you'll see some clues in the next chapter. Man, I wish I could say more...

And I sacrificed three virgins and two black cats so the fanfic gods could bless me with great fortune, hahah. XP

Thanks for the review!!!

Piekid11: Sure, I'll add you!




Chapter one is definitely coming out tomorrow. Sorry for the delay, but I had some emotional problems, and I had some college issues that I had to solve.

 

[Ryano Ra]

And I sacrificed three virgins and two black cats so the fanfic gods could bless me with great fortune, hahah. XP


Chapter one is definitely coming out tomorrow. Sorry for the delay, but I had some emotional problems, and I had some college issues that I had to solve.

*_* *takes out sledgehammer and cuts you*

>.>; Never sacrifice damn cats EVER AGAIN! *hammers toes and fingers off*

Alrighty. ^^ *throws your body into Acuity Lake* Can't wait for the next chapter tomorrow. *threatens*