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Mary Sue Must Die! (PG-13)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by JX Valentine, Dec 25, 2011.

  1. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Author's Note:
    Rated to be on the safe side, given the sailor-like vocabulary of one of its characters. Not much in terms of violence, meanwhile. Save for, well, barely described off-screen character deaths.

    Anyway... I have no idea what this actually is, sorry. I mean, it started as a parody of Mary Sue fics (obviously, given the title), but it morphed into this crack fic of chapter-length proportions. I'm still hoping to hit on as many tropes of journey fics as possible, but we'll see how seriously I end up taking this. Ultimately, this is basically "fic I'm throwing together whenever I feel bad that I haven't written anything for AEM in weeks," so chapters may tend to lean on the short side. Still, here's to hoping someone gets a kick out of this, right?

    Also, I am totally up for reader suggestions.

    Part One You're reading it.
    Part Two "...And thanks to sweet, sweet vodka for providing inspiration."
    Part Three Of course there's a fourth wall. It's just made of eldritch horrors apparently.

    PM List
    There is one, but in the tradition of my usual stories, I can't be arsed to display it because that's rather silly. Why would you need to know who's on the PM list? Don't you know it's my job to stalk them?

    In any case, simply PM, VM, or comment to be added, and you'll get your first notice as early as the next chapter!

    Part One

    In one universe, a young man turned on a Nintendo DS. For the most part, he had no idea that there were other dimensions. People talked about the possibility, but it never really dawned on him that somewhere beyond the invisible boundaries that separated his world from any other, there were other people in other countries – other Englands, other Japans, other wherevers – living completely ordinary lives according to their definitions of "ordinary." It never crossed his mind with any significant frequency that in those other universes, there could be another him living out his fantasy life.

    To him, things were clear-cut. Pokémon was a video game. He was a clerk at a local convenience store. His destiny involved completely mundane things like filing papers and addressing as "sir" men in a fancier suits than anything he could ever hope to own.

    This young man's name was Lewis. He had a last name, but he hated it just slightly more than his first. As that implies, he also never really cared much for his first name, so perhaps it would be best to refer to him by what he calls himself in the context of the internet, D—

    Lewis sneezed.

    …Perhaps not, then.

    In any case, this young man would soon be very important to the story.

    I wouldn't bother bringing him up if he wasn't, now, would I?


    In another universe, the time was precisely 4:38 in the morning. This was important to know because 4:38 is generally a time when most people would expect to be fast asleep, when even the self-proclaimed nocturnal creatures and victims of insomnia have called it a night, and when night clubs have closed down more than an hour ago. In some parts of the world, the sun might even be rising, and for the most part, in Vermilion City, the streets tend to be quiet at that hour.

    But not the night before Everything – Everything, that is, with a capital E – started.

    Down one empty street after another, two shadows ran. One of them was a young man dressed completely in black, including a stylish, black hoodie to hide his raven-black hair. The other was a green espeon that ran alongside him. Together, the two of them darted down seemingly random paths, turning corners here and barreling straight through intersections there. Every so often, the human would look over his shoulder with his wide, blue eyes scanning frantically for a phantom pursuer.

    It was probably because of this that he didn't notice anything amiss about a new path he took. His espeon stopped short. One of its paws rose in the air as its ears twitched wildly. Meanwhile, its master stepped onto solid ice, and realizing belatedly that the surface beneath his feet was no longer solid concrete, he slipped and careened across several slick, frozen yards into a brick wall at the end of an alley. The espeon opened its mouth to cry out, but before it could utter a sound, a shadow descended on it and swallowed it whole.

    Groaning, the human pulled himself off his side until he sat up. He winced, clutching the arm he landed on as he looked up into the dark sky. In front of him, another figure perched on the back of a blastoise as it carried her carefully across the ice. Although most of her form was hidden by the darkness of the alley, her victim could still somehow see her smile – a long, thin cut in black. He shivered, pressing harder against the wall as his good hand fumbled for the balls clipped to his belt. At the same time, the girl drew something from a holster at her hip. He could see the glinting metal of a gun's barrel as she raised it and pointed it directly at him.

    Just as her finger rested on the trigger, her smile split, and she said only one word to him.


    The gunshot didn't wake a single person in Vermilion that night.


    In a place that wasn't a universe so much as the space between them, a pair of eyes opened. Then another. Then another. Then thousands. Each of them focused on the second of the two universes. Tentacles shifted as the eyes watched and waited. Their consciousness searched through this world, reaching through every inch of its surface until they rested, hovering over one spot in Kanto. It was here, nestled somewhere in the seemingly peaceful expanses of Pallet Town, that they found what they were looking for.

    What they were waiting for.

    In the depths of the shadows, a hushed voice filtered through the tangle of beasts, seemingly coming from everywhere all at once to utter three simple words.

    Last edited: Jun 30, 2012
  2. M-Dub

    M-Dub Μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω ᾿Αχιλῆος

    That was intriguing. Not much to go on in terms of the plot, though there are plenty of hints to worry about. I like the narrative style you've used - relatively conversational, somewhat reminiscent of Douglas Adams. I'm wondering whether the person who got shot is Lewis' alternate self. It would make sense, but then again, it would also make sense if it wasn't, so . . . hmm.

    One thing I noticed:
    I think you either want to make that period a comma or reword the second sentence into something like '...paws rose into the air...' because otherwise it doesn't seem to make sense. Still, a minor thing.
  3. Angeltripper

    Angeltripper ♥ Ace ♥

    its creepy a bit, but I like it
  4. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Oh yes. I do have to admit this is more or less a prologue. I sort of feel guilty that I don't have a first chapter to provide more plot yet, but hopefully, I'll be able to hammer that out shortly. I just figured out that apparently, I write faster if I'm making things up as I go along. But mostly, I just wanted to see what would happen if I threw a story like this out to the sharks. Which was an experiment that probably would've been better if I provided more of the lot but... uh.

    Thank you! I figured creating a narrator who was casual but slightly sarcastic might help remind me that no matter what happens, this story is really just meant to be silly.

    And this, kids, is why you don't proofread your work in under five minutes, even if it's a short piece. *edits!*

    Thanks for the review all-around. :D

    Thank you! I guess my usual "lol let's make this as creepy as possible" writing style just bleeds into all of my work now. XD Glad it was still effective either way!
  5. Phoopes

    Phoopes There it is.

    Looks very promising so far, Jax. I do like the tone of your writing better than anything else though. It makes me feel like someone is talking to me, rather than I am reading a story. So kudos for that. The only thing that I don't really like about this is that you don't capitalize the names of a Pokemon when referring to it as "a ___" or "an ____." But if I remember correctly, that's just a personal preference of yours. Not really much else to say, since this is just a prolouge, but it looks good so far. Nice writing!
  6. SerenadeSP

    SerenadeSP My Loyal Feraligatr

    Hooray! A Jax fic that isn't on the 30-somethingth chapter! Now I can finally join the madness!

    Seriously, though, I enjoyed this very much. I liked the matter-of-fact style you gave the narrator, and how you described 'several people in different universes opening their eyes' simutaneously.

    I'm gonna be keeping an eye on this. PMifiy me please.

    Now I need to find time to start/finish Anima Ex Machina. >_<
  7. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Thank you! \o/ I'll see how long I can pull that off before getting into srs bsnss. XD

    Completely valid comment there. *nods* I've been going back and forth about whether or not I should go back to capitalizing everything because you're not the first person who's commented on it. That and this story is meant to have that "average journey fic" sort of feel to it, so it'd make sense to use the more popular capitalization rules. I'll definitely think about it, and hey, if I decide to change it up further down the line, that's what an edit spree is for, right?

    XDDD Exactly how I feel whenever Missingno Master posts a one-shot. Except I still fail at reviewing.

    Thank you! I enjoyed writing it. :D Even though I naturally had to throw in the bit about eyes opening (because olololol Lovecraft), it's really different from what I usually write. Soooo I'm looking forward to messing around with this story a little bit more.

    Absolutely! :D

    Haha, take your time with that one. XD Oh, doorstopper fics. I really don't blame anyone for hesitating about taking that one on.
  8. Diddy

    Diddy Renegade

    I'm liking this "Lewis" character.

    I totally agree with the Douglas Adams thing, stuff like...


    It just a style that you'd expect to see in a Hitchikers' book. The kind of narrator who sits on the fourth wall, turns to you and just tells you a story whilst you watch what's going on.

    Also, just so you know. My mental image of the girl with the gun is Green... or is it Blue? Argh, I'm confused! The Girl from the PokéSpe manga who is named either Blue or Green. Let's leave it at that. The mental image stems mostly from the fact that there is a Blastoise involved.

    'men in a fancier suits' - I think you may need to rejigger that jumble of words.

    Can't wait to see where this goes :D

    I'm gonna put this on the record, Jax. I can totally imagine you going srs bsnss with this fic by accident xD
  9. Glover

    Glover Pain in Rocket side

    This is me, requesting to keep up with this story, because I have a million other things that don't involve me adding another fic to my plate....


    2? ARGH! This scene SCREAMS to be populated with Unown, billions of them, like peering into the part of the cannery that makes Alphabet Souop without the broth full of Unwon, but there's too many eyes! You sly, tricky devil you.
  10. Kutie Pie

    Kutie Pie "It is my destiny."

    Is this a reference to a previous one-shot by any chance ;)?

    *fade-to-black; X-Files theme plays*

    This looks very interesting, and thus very promising. This might be the only time I'll be able to keep track of one of your stories, who knows if I'll ever click on that pretty banner of yours, knowing there's a lot of data in that one thread XD. So, I'd like to be on the PM list, please.

    I'd like to see how you parody a Mary Sue, I bet she'll look exactly how I envision her.

    ...well... duh. That's a silly question, of COURSE she will.

    Oh, and by any chance is the boy with the green Espeon a Gary Stu ;)? Or someone who is just a little TOO special?
  11. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Well, then, I hope you like all the things I plan on doing with him. *evil cackle*

    Thank you! :D I've always felt that the Brits in general always knew how to do humor, so I try my best to emulate them. There's just something subtle about the way people like Adams and Pratchett do it, like they're not really trying to beat you over the head with the funny bits, but they know how to be absurd and play it as if the characters themselves don't really give a crap that something's absurd. So the narrator's definitely a Brit when it comes to humor. You'll probably meet an embodiment of American humor somewhere along the way too.

    I can't decide if she would be flattered or apt to shoot you for that.

    XD I thought I straightened that sentence out during editing, but apparently not! Will edit when I can.

    Thank you! I should hope you can't, considering this one's mostly your fault. XD

    I can't blame you. It's not like I did that before or anything. :V

    Thanks, and no problem! Putting you on the PM list!

    Well! To be fair, they're like Unown.

    ...Only probably more apt to tear apart your sanity just by appearing in front of you.

    Maaaaybe. ;D

    (As a minor side note, I have a very complex headcanon about the Pokémon multiverse, apparently. It can be summed up with, "LOL GUYS EVERY CANON EXISTS SIMULTANEOUSLY IN DIFFERENT UNIVERSES. \o/")

    You get a cookie for that reference.

    Thank you! And adding you as well~!

    Also, I really don't blame you for hesitating about getting into AEM. Oh, being on the twenty-third chapter as of this writing. XD; GEE, JAX, YOU THINK YOU COULD WRITE SHORTER FIC FOR ONCE THAT ISN'T A WTF-WORTHY ONE-SHOT?

    Oh, I'm definitely looking forward to introducing her. You'll get her as early as the next chapter, and I'm pulling out all the stops. All of them.

    Oh yes. Luckily, you don't have to worry about him anymore. ;)
  12. Knightfall

    Knightfall Blazing Wordsmith

    I agree with the others, I like this.
    With a title like that I couldn't help but check it out.

    I like what I've seen so far, so if its not too much trouble, I'd like to be on the PM list.

    Looking forward to the next chapter,

    Knightfall signing off...;005;
  13. The Great Butler

    The Great Butler Hush, keep it down

    Here for the Review Game, this time at least. If you don't mind, since the chapter is short, I'm going to address it in a list format.

    Opening: I'll be honest, the opening didn't quite hit me as hard as it should have, in terms of hooking me in. I think I started becoming interested around the lines about Lewis's name, which is where I began feeling that this might not be the typical "real-life person gets sucked into the Pokemon universe" story and perhaps more witty in its approach. The fourth-wall break is a good way to guarantee your reader will at least stay for the rest of the chapter, because it's easily the highest point of the first segment.

    Scene: The second scene - the one involving the person with the green Espeon and his assassin - is actually really good. It's detailed and paints a vivid picture in the reader's mind of what is going on. It also has an appropriate level of intensity and intrigue going on, because as clear as the visuals are, the actual meaning of the scene is not completely apparent. The usage of Pokemon, particularly the Blastoise, further enhances what may easily have been the typical "hunted target gets assassinated" scene, and the last line, about the gunshot not waking anyone in the city, really does provide a great, fitting end to the sequence. If there's one thing I have to criticize, though, it's that this scene, as good as it is, doesn't fit completely well with the tone set by the first scene, which is a lot more lighthearted.

    Writing: Pretty much flawless, as can be expected from a Jax fic. Take, for example, that contradiction in tones that I pointed out between the first and second scenes. In the hands of a less capable writer, the scenes would have bled over into each other, resulting in the first becoming too serious or the second becoming too silly. You didn't have that problem. Each scene stayed excellently within its own tone and setting, and everything is written in a level of detail that fully fleshes out what's going on while not tripping over into purple prose. The third scene is worth pointing out itself, because I personally like the repetition technique used when you count how many eyes are appearing.

    Enjoyment: Although I think it starts off a little weak, I ultimately enjoyed it very much in the end. I think this can be attributed to the strength of the second segment, which completely changed the tone of what the fic was first shaping up as. However, before I can make a full judgment, I think I'd need to read more of the story.
  14. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    I saw this thread, went "olol, this is gonna be great, why hadn't I seen this before?" Then I saw the post date. Dangit that's what I get for taking hiatuses all the time.

    Anyways, this is new for me, I've never read a Jax fic before, though after pretty much any and every post you've ever made in the authors cafe, there's no doubt I've wanted to (I think I might have read one of your one-shots while I was at work last year, not sure.)

    The opening has that typical feeling of "guy from the normal world is pulled into the Pokemon world" why is why it's hilarious that that proceeds to be exactly not what happened next. Even if it does happen at some point of another, the formula has already been shaken. And I can't help but feel like the second part already sets up something about the systematic elimination of Mary Sues, what with the poor Espeon boy's demise. And then a new Sue is born to replace him, causing the very foundations of the universe to shake! (It's hilarious because that's the single defining trait of a Sue.)

    The narrative style it witty and brilliant and I feel like I could read it all day. Even though I tend to skim things in a thread I haven't seen before, it wouldn't let me do that here.

    You should write more of this because it is silly and awesome, and it's easier to write silly and awesome things than big-name epics that get really far along and then suddenly become much harder to write, amirite? xP

  15. Legend of Lucario

    Legend of Lucario Songwriter

    Holy poop, I haven't done a review in a long time...!

    One thing, as everyone else has said, I definitely enjoy the conversational style that you are using, it makes me chuckle to myself, and it almost makes me feel like someone awkward as myself is attempting to tell the story.

    For some reason after reading that, I got this overwhelming vision that was Neon Genesis Evangelion - esque. I just kind of imagined something like an angel hovering toward a planet kind of, with all sorts of tentacles and what not...

    I know that there wasn't too much plot established, yet, but I'm excited for future chapters! I kind of like the whole parallel universe or, well, alternate universes concept. It definitely makes for a crazy Sci-Fi plot!
  16. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant


    Thanks, and consider yourself added after months of waiting due to derping on my part!

    *brofist* Not a problem whatsoever.

    I have to admit I agree with you that the beginning's not as great as I could probably make it. I just haven't really figured out what to do instead. The main issue is that I wanted it to start off looking exactly like what you said: a typical trainer-gets-sucked-into-the-game fic until the fourth-wall breakage. That was meant to be a nod to the kinds of fics I'd like to parody (in my definition of parodying, anyway). Buuuut… I think I need to read more of that type of fic to come up with something that mimics that kind of story in a way that's a little more dynamic, especially given the fact that the second scene is pretty dynamic.

    Actually, I wonder what would happen if I rearranged those scenes. Would it be better if I put the second scene first and then Lewis's scene and finish off with the eldritch abominations?

    Haha, that's completely on purpose. ;D In fact, the reason why the chapter was arranged like this was because it was meant to be much like the rest of the fic: lighthearted and then slowly sliding into dark fic (because it's me). But I think maybe if I do some rearranging of the scenes (like I described earlier), that might convey the message, "This is just another one of Jax's dark fics… BUT WAIT. NO IT ISN'T LOL JK." Until you got into the last scene, anyway.

    Thank you!

    Which will be coming sooner than one would think. ;D

    Haha, don't worry about it. Real life >>>> fandom, after all.

    Aww, thank you! :D

    *evil cackle* Pretty much exactly. I'd like to think of this entire project as one long parade of nods to Pokémon fanfiction, so I'm definitely going to have fun writing it from here on out.

    Thank you!

    XD I have to admit, it's actually the opposite with me, hence why it's taken so long to write Part Two. For some reason, even the crackiest ideas I've ever had (like "let's take every sci-fi trope and parody it") turn into massive dark fics. But hopefully, after I finally get the next chapter out, I'll be able to fall into the groove of, "lol idgaf" and just roll with it.


    Thank you! I'm hoping I'll be able to maintain that kind of tone in the coming chapters. :D

    Ooooh, it's certainly something along those lines. *tents fingers*

    Thank you~! I'm hoping I don't disappoint! :D

    Speaking of which, by the by the next chapter is finally half-written, which means it'll finally be finished… by this weekend. That half-a-year-long hiatus is almost coming to an end, so stay tuned~!
  17. Psychic

    Psychic Really and truly

    I really have almost nothing constructive to say about this, so I'll keep it short.

    I am intrigued as to where you intend to go with this. I have a couple possible ideas (hoping for a shiny Espeon to appear in the real world, or for Lewis to get genderbent into a wish-fulfillment Mary-Sue) but I like being surprised, and I think whatever you do will be executed well anyway. I have confidence!

    I also want you to know that I got a random plotbunny from this at 2am that will probably never be realized. So...thanks? XD

    This was probably my favourite bit, completely thanks to the style. This paragraph could be intensely boring oterwise, but you keep things lighthearted and interesting.

    I honestly have nothing else to add, so I'll stop here. I will try to stick around and see where this goes. :>

  18. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    First off, a quick response!

    Well, the shiny Espeon is sort of right. ;D Also, thank you~!

    Okay, I totally need to know what this plot bunny is because shenanigans are awesome.

    Also, thanks for the compliment about the style! I'm really hoping that I managed to keep it up in this next installment, but, uh, kids, this is why you should never go for half a year without working on a story. *walks away whistling*

    Second! YES, THE STORY IS NOW OFF HIATUS. I'm hoping to alternate chapters between this and AEM, meaning there is now a sane, reasonable update schedule. Maybe. We'll see how that goes.

    But in any case, this is the second (first real?) chapter, but before I get into it, I'd like to give a shout-out to Diddy for writing the last line of dialogue. Actually, for providing Lewis as a character in general, but mostly for writing that last line of dialogue. And it is indeed beautiful. I'd also like to give a shout-out to The Great Butler for betaing and sweet, sweet vodka for providing inspiration.


    Part Two

    If you happen to notice that the sky is azure at any time during a visit to Pallet Town, run.

    Now, it should be clarified that the sky must be azure. A lovely shade of blue is just a sunny day. A crisp summer blue is just a sign that the air will be slightly more humid than normal. A gray sky with heavy rain is right out of the things you should be worrying about. But a bright azure sky means you don't want to be anywhere near that town, especially in the morning.

    Professor Oak knew the signs. He had years and years of experience to figure them out, so when he looked out the window one morning, his heart sank slightly when he noticed how bright the sky was. How not a single cloud hung in the air. How the exact color of the sky was that perfect shade of cerulean that hung neatly between blue and cyan. It wasn't too dark. It wasn't too bright. It was absolutely perfect.

    So he did what he and his colleagues always did when a situation like that came along. He calmly set aside his cup of coffee and stood from the desk of his office. Without a word to his aides, he strode into the main part of the laboratory, past the machinery and book shelves, past a round pedestal in the center of the room, directly to the front door. His hands wormed their way into his pockets as he stared intently at the door's surface. The aides didn't bother to stop him. In fact, upon being passed, one of them turned and watched until the professor stood at the door. Then, with a heavy sigh, he rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

    "Oh, for the gods' sake, is it azure again?"

    "Yep," the professor responded, drawing out the single syllable into several seconds.

    The aide snapped the book he was reading shut and shoved it back onto the shelf. "Want me to call for the usual?"

    "Would you?" Oak replied. "The sky's been that way for the past ten minutes, so I don't have much ti—"

    Suddenly, the doorbell rang, breaking Oak's train of thought at once. He held up a hand and made a frantic motion towards his assistants. All three of them nodded in unison and darted for other rooms. Then, with a deep breath, he placed his hand on the doorknob, turned it, and stared at the person on the front step.

    "You're late," he said, gruffer than he usually would.


    In a house near Cerulean Cape, a young man leaned back in his chair. He pressed his cheek into his shoulder, pinning the receiver for a phone to his ear as he held a cup of coffee in his hands.

    "Good job bagging him before he got to Vermilion Harbor," he said. "Who knows where he would've gone?"

    On the other end of the line, a woman's voice snapped, "What are you talking about? You're the one who told him to go to Olivine! For the stupidest quest ever, if I may add!"

    The man slipped a hand to the phone and drew his brown eyes to the ceiling. "It wasn't my idea. Anyway, you got him, so thanks. I don't think I could pull off talking like that for another chapter."

    "Yeah, yeah, sucking up will get you nowhere," she told him. "Anyway, you're paying me in cash this time. The eevee wasn't funny the last time we did this."

    "C'mon! It's a rare pokémon! You used to like eevee!"

    "Unless you don't care about me making sausage out of the next eevee you give me, they don't put food on the table," she growled. "Cash, Bill. Or check. Frankly, I don't care which, but don't get smart on me and give me a credit card."

    "Don't worry. I've got a check ready." Then, he paused. "You're not serious about eating eevee, are you?"

    "You don't want me to answer that question," she replied quickly.

    Just then, a beep broke their conversation. The woman huffed and went quiet for a second.

    "Hold on. I've got a call coming through," she said.

    The line went silent, and the young man pulled his feet up to rest on the edge of his chair as he waited. In the quiet, he straightened his head and grasped the receiver with one hand. His other hand grasped his cup, and he took several sips of coffee before another click signaled the return of his caller.

    "Another job?" he asked.

    "Yeah," she answered. "Pallet Town."

    Immediately, his face darkened. "How blue is the sky over there?"

    "'That perfect shade of cerulean that hangs neatly between blue and cyan.' So they tell me, anyway."

    Bill sighed. "Not again."

    "Relax," she said. "I'll get her before she gets to you."

    "Good. Because if I have to be a pokémon one more time…"

    "Look on the bright side. At least you're not speaking with a hideous Southern accent."


    "Rattata fur. I heard it looks good on you, Bill."

    He placed his coffee cup on his desk and reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to pretend this part of the conversation never happened."

    "Good. Now about the payment," she said.

    Removing the hand from his nose, he raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Shouldn't you be somewhere right now?"

    "I'm already in Viridian," she told him. "I figured it wouldn't be long before another one popped up in Pallet. It's been more than a month since the last one came from there. A bit too quiet if you ask me."

    "Most of them are in Unova these days, aren't they?"

    "Well, what're you going to do? Anyway, wire the check to my account." She paused for a second in thought. "Actually, I have an idea. Give me half."

    He quirked an eyebrow. "Well, that's only a little suspicious. Why only half?"

    "I've got an idea. Got an eevee I can borrow until I get back to Cerulean?"

    At the last two words, he pounded a fist into his desk. "Ohh no! Don't you dare let her come anywhere near here, or I'll start taking my business elsewhere!"

    "Hey, c'mon. Why do you get so worked up over these kinds of things? Not everyone can say they get to be a pokémon. Wonder which one it'll be this time. Maybe a slowpoke?"

    Narrowing his eyes, he let his voice get squeakier. "That's not funny!"

    "Sure it's not," she replied. "Neither is rattata chili. Funny tasting, I mean. Actually isn't that bad if you put enough chili powder in it."


    "Anyway, relax. Like I said, I'll get to her before she gets to you, but I'm going to need a rare, low-leveled pokémon to do it. Oak's aide tells me she could be worse than usual, so I'll need to nip her in the bud before she gets past Viridian. That's where your eevee's gonna come in. And don't worry. I'll give it back to you in one piece. Probably."

    "Wait, seriously, what do you mean by rattata chili?!"

    "You know my account number for the storage system, right? Great. See you in a week, Bill!"

    "Wait! Hey!"

    The line went dead before he could protest.


    According to Professor Oak's files, her name was Sora Woods, and she was twelve years old. He didn't think to ask why she was starting late. The rules seemed to change every time he saw a new one – a new trainer like her, that is – so to him, it seemed rather pointless to ask. What he knew was that the first meeting tended to follow a pattern.

    First, he would meet the trainer at the door. In some cases, the trainer would look as if they spent quite a bit of time choosing the perfect outfit and examining themselves in the mirror, perhaps to take note of their eye color and hair color for no real reason. In other cases, the trainer would arrive in wrinkled pajamas, breathless and clearly ungroomed. Sora, dressed in an old oversized t-shirt, mismatched flannel pants, and tennis shoes with no socks, certainly fit the description of the latter. Even her long, chestnut-brown hair hung in tangles down her back, an unusual sight for the normally fashionable and attractive girl.

    Second, he would greet her with a quip about how she was late, perhaps even ask her if she was getting ready for bed or a pokémon journey. The trainer would apologize profusely – most of the time anyway – before rushing into the lab without giving Oak time to process a word he or she said. It hardly mattered anyway. At that point, at the very second he would lay eyes on the trainer, it was like the conscious control of his body was switched off.

    Instead, he would sit in the back of his head and watch himself glide through the encounter as if his body was someone else's. Everything he said wasn't something he composed in his mind, and every move he made was opposite of the things he wanted to do. When it first happened, it naturally alarmed him, but by the time he encountered Sora, the professor had completely lost count of the number of mornings during which he had met new trainers like her. By that point, it would have been an unusual month if another one didn't show up on his doorstep asking for a starter.

    Luckily, as soon as the trainer brushed past him and entered the lab, the encounter was already half over. After that, the third part of their meeting involved the trainer standing over the selection of three starter pokémon. This was where things got complicated. In reality, Oak had plenty of potential starters. After all, it would be rather silly for him to advertise that he was giving out free starter pokémon but only keep enough supplies to satisfy three potential trainers. However, beginnings like these demanded that a trainer would only be presented with three choices. Why? Hell if he knew. That was just the way things worked.

    As a result, the encounter could go one of two ways. The first possibility would be that one or more of the balls on the pedestal in the center of the lab actually contained pokémon. If the balls were occupied, then the trainer would be able to open the first or second poké ball to find the starter that matched them perfectly. Frequently, these would pokémon would not be the standard bulbasaur, charmander, or squirtle (unless, that is, they happened to be special bulbasaur, charmander, or squirtle – particularly shinies or the occasional talking individual) that Oak normally offered trainers. Rather, they would be random pokémon selected by his aides from a pool comprised of specimens from around the world – sometimes even legendaries. If the trainer was actually special, then the cosmos would bend in order to ensure one of those three would be the exact starter he or she was born to have. Or something like that. Oak, as a man of science, never really worked the mechanics of magic. Or hokum, for that matter.

    The second possibility was far simpler. In that scenario, all three balls would be empty (and Oak once thought to ask why empty poké balls should be presented before a trainer but received an answer that kept him up at night for weeks), and after the applicant begged for a starter, Oak would present a fourth poké ball containing the trainer's destined starter. These scenarios were usually reserved for times when the sky over Pallet was a particular ultramarine color.

    Which it, unfortunately, was.

    As such, Sora set down the third empty poké ball right next to the first two. Big, crystalline tears welled up in her eyes as she whirled around. Her hands clapped together in front of her face, and she stared directly at Oak with wide, startlingly blue eyes.

    Inwardly, Oak sighed, but he could do nothing but wait for her cue.

    "Please!" she begged. "You have to have some pokémon left! I'll take anything! I have to leave this year!"

    He scratched his cheek with an index finger. "Well… I might have one pokémon left, but I'm not sure if you'd want it. It's a little bit of a handful."

    "I'll take it!" she responded. "I don't care if it's a magikarp! Just please!"


    Oak reached into a pocket, brought out a small device, and pressed the red button on its face. Behind Sora, the pedestal whirred, and a hole in its center opened. Slowly, a fourth poké ball rose and rested neatly between its open companions. Sora reached out with a shaking hand and grasped the orb. She drew it to her face and examined the yellow bolt etched on its surface.

    "I don't suppose there's any harm in letting you have this," Oak told her.

    "What is it?" she asked breathlessly.

    The truth was that even Oak didn't know. As Sora pointed its button at the pedestal and opened it, he prayed it wasn't going to be earth-shattering.

    But the problem with trainers like Sora, he realized as the lab filled with light, was that it usually was.


    The complexities of the multiverse work like this. From the dawn of existence, there have always been conditions with multiple outcomes. Each outcome produces an alternate timeline – a branching universe – that both encompasses the consequences of those actions and continues onward through time with its own sets of conditions extending outward from every main path. While this would technically mean that there is only one true universe and that all other branches are merely hypothetical mirrors of it, because of the differences dictated by the consequences of each outcome, every new path might as well be considered its own alternate realm, hence the idea that the entirety of existence is less a single entity and more a multiverse.

    With that having been said, there are, in actuality, an infinite number of Earths and vacuum-of-space-where-Earth-would-bes based on the fragmented branches of reality, yet each universe is fundamentally connected to one another on the virtue of being essentially the same thing with a few key differences. So, in short, it would be theoretically possible for an object to move from one universe to another, simply by jumping through the fabric of space and time to a different branch of the multiverse.

    It makes a lot more sense if one is either a quantum physicist or incredibly intoxicated.

    Unfortunately, Lewis was neither the moment he started a new Pokémon game and prepared to choose his own starter. The word "unfortunately" should be used in this instance because had he been more familiar with either quantum physics or powerful brands of liquor, he might have been able to understand what was about to happen when his screen flashed white the moment he pressed A. It would have made complete sense to him why his DS suddenly felt like a blazing hot coal in his hands yet failed to burn through his bed as soon as he dropped it. It might have even been predictable when the white glow grew and enveloped him and half his room.

    After all, when the glow from Sora's opening poké ball extended through the space between universes and touched the backlight glow of Lewis's DS, there was only one possible outcome to that kind of storyline.

    Well, besides the one where his body would be turned inside out instantaneously. But that would have been another story altogether, wouldn't it?


    It took some time for Sora to prepare herself for her journey. First and foremost, she had to change her clothes – many of which were charred thanks to her new partner's idea of an introduction (namely, accidentally electrocuting Sora as soon as they touched) – and clean herself up. This practically took all morning, despite her excitement to be on the road. After all, it would be her last real bath in a long time and her last moments in her house for goodness knew how long, so she wanted to make it last. Her long, auburn hair was brushed and straightened. Her teeth were brushed, and her makeup was carefully applied. Her old pajamas were exchanged for a red-and-black halter top, a red pleated skirt, red socks, and black loafers. None of this, of course, is particularly important or relevant to anything that one would consider the plot unless Sora was going to make a point about climbing ladders or standing in high-speed winds anytime soon. (With an apology to readers who would find twelve-year-old girls at all attractive, it must be noted that she wasn't, but one never knows about stories like these.)

    Second, she had to give teary farewells to her mother, who tried for the umpteenth time to convince her to stay home. The latter was the hardest part for her. Sora, who had never been away from home, knew that leaving meant prying herself away from her loving single mother (her father, not that he would matter much to the story, had divorced her mother years ago to pursue a business career in Viridian that in no way connected him to any potential villains or angst-filled backstories), but on the other hand, she had stayed behind for the past two years as she watched her friends leave Pallet Town and go off on their journeys. In the closest emotion she could get to jealousy, she had spent those years studying and preparing for her own, but she hadn't ever been given the chance to do it.

    That time was different. It was her twelfth birthday, after all, and she only wanted one thing: to leave home and find her place in the world. So, adjusting the strap of her blue messenger bag on her pale shoulder once more, she cast one last strained smile towards her house nestled at the edge of Pallet before turning and taking her first steps away from everything she knew. Her starter, a blue-eyed pikachu, trotted obediently by her side.

    For the next hour, Sora and Pikachu got to know each other as they put more and more distance between themselves and Pallet. Or, rather, Pikachu got to know Sora. That was the trouble with human-pokémon relationships; for the most part, they were rather one-sided. In this case, Sora spent much of her time chattering on about how excited she was to be on a journey at last or humming a few bars of her favorite tune, and Pikachu remained quiet and padding alongside her like a puppy or a shadow. It never really occurred to Sora to return Pikachu to his poké ball, and although she barely acknowledged Pikachu's responses, she couldn't complain about the company.

    What she could complain about, however, was the complete lack of pokémon along the route. She noticed it in the third hour, actually. That was when she tore her lapis-colored eyes away from the perfectly cyaneous sky to scan the grass along the dirt path. The emerald-green blades came up to her knee, and the fields of it stretched out on both sides of her as far as the eye could see. And as far as she could see, nothing but the wind moved them.

    That couldn't be right.

    Pulling a lock of her russet hair behind a dainty ear, Sora blinked.

    "I don't get it, Pikachu," she said.

    The mouse, who had been trotting ahead of her by then, stopped and twitched his ears. He turned, flashing his sapphire eyes towards his trainer. At the same time, Sora put her hands on her hips and bit her lip at the gently waving grass.

    "We've been out here how long?" she asked. "Where's all the pokémon? All the rattata? All the pidgey? Wouldn't I have come across something by now?"

    One of the many peculiarities that should be noted about people like Sora is that things simply happen around them. Very few of them are aware of it, of the subtle changes in the cosmos that bend the universe around them. So, when someone like Sora would say something to the effect of "wouldn't I have come across something by now," the inner workings of the universe would suddenly launch into motion like the gears of a very complicated machine puppeteered by forces outside of reality (say, a writer, for example). One by one, happenstances would occur, and precisely the thing that individuals like Sora want to encounter – an adventure, romance, or in this case, a pokémon – would appear.

    Of course, all of that is almost entirely irrelevant to this precise situation because at that very moment, the grass rustled on Sora's left and spat out a battered shiny eevee. While that may seem like the exact type of scenario I had been describing a moment ago, the difference was that this particular eevee actually belonged to a very specific pokémon expert who would non-metaphorically kill the girl watching the whole scene from several feet away should something bad happen to that eevee.

    Sora, perhaps fortunately, did not possess any psychic powers she was conscious of, so she was not aware of either the girl or the circumstances surrounding the eevee at all. All she could see was that an eevee with a pale-brown coat had suddenly appeared before her, and that eevee looked like it was in bad shape. Clumps of mud and dirt clung to its fur, a wince lingered on its tiny canine face, and as it ambled towards her, it moved with a slow limp. At once, Sora opened her eyes a little wider and swooped down to examine the fox-like pokémon.

    "Oh no!" she gasped. "You poor thing! What happened?"

    The eevee lifted its head and gave her a sad look. Its quivering mouth opened, and it trilled a low, warbling cry. At the same time, Pikachu sniffed its coat and tilted one of his ears. A slow, questioning "pii" rumbled from his throat, but Sora paid no heed to him. Instead, she occupied herself with carefully scooping the eevee in her arms.

    "Hey! Hold on! Oh, the spearow got to you, didn't they?" she cooed.

    Nuzzling against her chest, the eevee whimpered. One of its glistening, half-open eyes gazed out towards the field, towards a spot of black peeking slightly above the waving grass. The spot of black – the girl watching the scene, that is – licked her lips and drew a gun from the holster at her hip. She closed one dark eye and aimed the barrel directly at Sora's head. Her finger rested on the trigger as a smile crossed her face.

    "Too easy," she whispered.

    It would have been too, had the space-time continuum not opened up directly above her in a flash of purple and tentacles to deposit a screaming English teenager literally on her back. Reflexively, her arm shot upwards as her finger squeezed the trigger, and with a bang, one round was discharged uselessly at the perfect, indigo sky. Sora jerked her head up, her wide, startled eyes scanning the sea of grass all around her.

    "That was a gunshot, Pikachu!" she exclaimed. "Let's get out of here!"

    With that, she bolted down the path, heading quickly north. By the time the shooter finally shoved the newcomer off her, she was just in time to see the speck that was Sora disappear in the distance. Growling, she stood and stared at the horizon.

    In the meantime, Lewis wasn't exactly having the best day either. One moment, he was in his room, and the next, he was falling through darkness to end up… where? He sat up with a wince, holding his head with one hand while propping himself up with the other. As he quickly scanned the area, he felt confusion set in hard. For one, he wasn't used to seeing skies that were quite as shockingly blue. For another, he also was pretty sure his house was nowhere near massive expanses of grass. For a third, he was certain that seeing either in his bedroom would mean a wealth of different terrible things, the least of which being that he was pretty sure his parents wouldn't take too kindly to having an expansive field inside his bedroom. So clearly, this was not his bedroom. Or at least he hoped it wasn't for the sake of not having to explain anything.

    Which led to the next uncomfortable revelation: if he wasn't in his bedroom, just where was he, and how did he end up there?

    He was about to skip happily down the possible avenues for answers to that question when all of a sudden, he heard a click. Turning his head, he found himself face to face with the barrel of a gun wielded by a rather angry-looking young girl. She couldn't have been much older than twelve or thirteen, judging by how small she looked and how her body was barely developed (not that he, a very chaste and dignified gentleman thank you very much, was actually paying attention), but when she pointed that gun directly at him, he decided he wasn't going to take issue with the fact that his life and ability to reproduce was being threatened by a preteen. That decision became iron-clad when she shifted the barrel downward until it pointed between his legs.

    "I'm giving you ten seconds," she said, "to tell me three things. One: your name. Two: where you came from. Three: do you or do you not have special powers, a destiny wherein you save the world from total destruction, a tragic past, a hot woman wrapped around your finger, or anything else that would make me shoot you in the crotch right now?"

    For the first few seconds, Lewis sat there, slowly processing the girl's question. Then, he opened his mouth and said the first things that came to mind.

    "Lewis! England! I'm completely unremarkable! Oh God, please don't shoot me in the crotch!"

    It was the start of a beautiful relationship.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2012
  19. Diddy

    Diddy Renegade

    I will attempt to hold in all of my squees for the start of this post, if only to nitpick.

    The difficult thing about nitpicking this is wondering whether the descriptions were intentional or not. As your delightful use of colour adjectives showed. Anyway, you say it was a shiny Eevee, but go on to say that it had a pale-brown coat. Shiny Eevee are white/greyish. Also in that second paragraph you say Eevee has a 'tiny canine face' and later on go to say it's a fox-like pokémon. This could be a reference as to what the hell Eevee is based off of fox/dog/rabbit etc or it was a slip up. Again, difficult to tell.

    Now that is over...

    This link adequately describes my feelings about this chapter.

    This was pure gold. I was giggling all the way through at how beautifully meta it all was. Especially the moment Bill was mentioned I actually burst out laughing and said "I aint even surprised" if it wasn't now I probably would have spent chapters wondering when Bill would show up =P

    One thing I love about this is the concept you have about the characters and how the Sues bend their personalities so much that they don't even have control over their bodies when they interact. Of course, the image of Bill being forced into a pokémon body, purely to give SS Tickets to Sues when they save him, is a very humourous one. I also loved the fandom jibe you had in there about how most of the Sues are in Unova now, definitely captures that 'new car smell' effect the fandom has whenever a new game comes out.

    This chapter just captures every single journey trope you could possibly think of and lays them out in such a hilarious fashion. It's thoroughly commendable, Jax.

    And of course, I couldn't not respond to Lewis' antics.

    I loved this line.

    THIS. Oh god, this makes me realise how terribly British I am. Not that I'd want it any other way, of course.

    What a way to end a chapter and what a way to start your day. Reading this has certainly cheered me up and made me ready for a productive day.

    You are a hero, Jax. I salute you =P
  20. Blaziken10285

    Blaziken10285 The Dojo Master

    Wow, that's a great way to narrate a fic. Can I be added to the PM list?

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