I got excited for more story, then because my 3DS is slow, it took awhile for this page to load also making the scroll bar really tiny, excitement was building because it was taking forever to scroll to the bottom. My hopes and dreams crashed when I noticed it was one guy quoting the whole story and you replying to everyone.
XD Sorry. Maybe I should only post whenever I actually have a chapter ready.
Speaking of which!
(Side disclaimer: The capitalization of "Pokémon" is intentional in this chapter because the franchise is being referenced there, just so you know. *le nod* Otherwise, fire away!)
Part Three
Somewhere in the vicinity of Pallet Town, a rattata poked his head out of his burrow. His nose twitched and took in the scent of fresh grass and pollen, and his red eyes blinked in the brightness of the sun. Although Pallet Town rattata are generally nocturnal, sleep tends to be dependent completely on the individual. This particular rattata, for example, was awake due to one very pressing thought plaguing his rodent mind: "I'm hungry." With that nagging at his brain, he darted from his nest into the tall grass while completely ignoring the glaring sun and whatever behavioral researchers elsewhere in the world might have to say about his species' sleeping habits. Naturally, he had absolutely no idea that this might be a terrible plan.
It should go without saying that perhaps it would be wise to remember this rattata.
---
Elsewhere on Route 1, the tension hung thick in the air, much in the same way a brick doesn't. But for Lewis, it almost felt like a brick – like a brick going through his head at obscene miles an hour and if that brick was tiny and bullet-shaped and made of lead instead of clay. Almost being the key word in that last sentence, that is.
That would be because, as he sat there staring at the end of a handgun pointed directly at his crotch, a number of different mental images flashed through his head. Then, when he saw the gun's owner tense her finger on the trigger, a thousand more popped into his head. Beads of sweat worked their way out of his skin and rolled down the back of his neck as he quickly debated whether he would be more or less likely to get shot if he prostrated himself at the girl's feet and begged like a complete wuss.
Luckily, he didn't have to make that decision because after a few seconds, the girl clicked her tongue and pointed her gun at the sky.
"England? *********." She sighed and holstered the gun at her hip. "Get the **** up. You're embarrassing."
Lewis, who liked to think he was clever in some capacity, instantly obeyed the girl's orders. After all, one doesn't argue with people with weapons; people with weapons tend to be gifted with very compelling argumentative abilities – compelling argumentative abilities that can be dealt to the jugulars of their opponents.
Without even looking at him, the hunter placed her hands on her hips and began, "Let's get this over with. Welcome to the world of Pokémon. This world is inhabited far and wide by creatures called pokémon, you got sucked here by some mystical force that will be revealed to you later, yadda, yadda, yadda, Pallet Town is about ten minutes behind you, and have fun. Got all that?"
It wasn't that Lewis didn't understand. It was just that after the phrase "world of Pokémon," his entire mind shut down, and he stared at his companion for a long enough time for her to notice. That was when she began glaring at him. More so than she already had, anyway.
"****, I was hoping you wouldn't do this." She raised a hand. "Do I have to smack you around a little? 'Cause I was really hoping I could get away without touching you."
"Pokémon," he said. "I'm in the Pokémon world? I got sucked into the real world from the—aw, ****!"
At that point, the girl waved her hand in the air, turned, and started walking away. "Listen, I don't have time to help you adjust or whatever, so ******* suck it up."
Unfortunately, Lewis wasn't listening to her. Instead, he held out his hands, palms up, as he stared at the sky.
"What the ****?" he muttered. "Wait. **** **** ******* ******** *** ****…"
At the last word, the hunter whirled back around and narrowed her eyes. "What did you just call me?!"
Startled, he dropped his gaze to her. "What? No! It's not like that!"
She stormed forward. Within seconds, she closed the gap between them and brandished a fist dangerously close to his face. His eyes crossed to examine her knuckles, and at once, he closed his mouth.
"Call me **** again!" she roared. "Call me **** one more time! I dare you, ******* ****-sucker! I will kick your ***** *** so hard your ******** ***** *** mother will ******* cry until she **** ***** *** ****** **** ***!"
At her tone, he paled and trembled. Cautiously, he drew his hands to her arm and grasped it lightly.
"Uh, look, there's some misunderstanding here," he said. "Couldn't you hear it?"
"Hear what?" she snapped.
"It! The beeping! You know…!" He nodded towards the sky. "Every other word you said! I swear, that's all I was—"
"Oh, that thing."
She pulled her arm away, much to Lewis's relief. At the same time, she visibly relaxed and looked away from him.
"You're talking about the censor," she said.
Although Lewis took pleasure in the fact that he wasn't about to be punched in the face, he knew he had to risk inciting her again with a question. "The censor?"
Sighing, she gave him an annoyed glare. "Do I have to explain the basics to you, dumb****? The censor. It's what filters out parts of your language deemed inappropriate by the Powers That Be."
"The Powers That—"
"How the **** should I know?" she interrupted. "All I know is that anyone born in this universe can't hear it, but anyone who wasn't can. It's because you came from outside this universe, so you can see the Fourth Zone."
He raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean the fourth wall?"
"Do you think I would've said 'zone' if I meant 'wall,' *** hole?" she snapped. "No. It's a ******* zone, okay?"
For a few seconds, he stared at her. Then, he opened his mouth.
"******* ****!" she cried as she threw her arms in the air. "Okay, fine. I'm only going to say it once, so pay ********* attention. When you come from another universe, you cross through the barrier between there and here. But here's where it gets all ******* H.P. Lovecraft on you. The barrier isn't like a door or a tear or some **** like that. It's like a hole with cosmic spider webs covering it. So if you try to pass through it, you get extradimensional ***** all over you that you can't get off no matter how many cold showers you take. But it gives you the power to see things – kinda like ******* ghosts, only most of it isn't dead people."
"Most of it?!"
Ignoring him, the girl continued. "Instead, it's things. You know about situations before they happen because it's a lot like a ******* movie you saw in your own world. You can finish jokes that we haven't heard in this world before we finish making them. And you can sense things like the censor. You might even see the narrator or literary devices, but I ******* hope not because I am not dealing with that ******-*** ****."
As soon as the last word left her mouth, she eyed Lewis cautiously, as if she was looking for the slightest reason to hit him. Instead, he pursed his lips for a bit, allowing the information she had just given him to sink in. Then, his mouth spread into a hesitant smile.
"So… in other words, I've been yanked out of my boring life where I'm a completely ordinary person and into a video game world where I've got special powers?" he asked.
"You know what? If that makes you ******* happy and gets me out of having to deal with a ******* mental breakdown on your part, go right the **** ahead and think of it like that," she growled. "You've got powers. The ******* lamest superpowers ever."
With that, she turned and started towards the road again. Behind her, Lewis stood a little straighter and actually smiled broadly for the first time since he landed in that world. It was strange, but he would have expected himself to feel a little more frantic or confused at the prospect of being torn away from his home, his loved ones, and his completely ordinary life, only to be thrown into a video game world with a kid who wouldn't stop swearing at him or threatening his reproductive abilities. Yet, all it took was the prospect of being special and doing something interesting to pacify him.
For those of you who are already thinking that Lewis had led a sad existence prior to this point, don't worry. At this part of the story, for all of three seconds, he came to that realization too.
Shrugging it off, he strode forward with broad and heavy steps, and in no time at all, he caught up with his companion and slowed his pace down just enough to stay a foot behind her. He didn't even notice when her already sour expression briefly twisted in just a little more annoyance.
"I guess this whole 'in another world' thing won't be so bad after all," he said. "I have powers."
Then, after a few seconds' hesitation, the girl cracked a grin. "So I guess with your special powers, you won't know what the **** I'm saying when I call you a **** ****** **** monkey who ***** with your **** ******** ***** sister and a ******* *** ***** that *** ***** ******* **** ****** ***** on **** ***** ******* **** *** all ******* night long."
"No," Lewis deadpanned, his proud expression dissipating quickly. "But I can guess."
"Good. And in that case…" She stopped and glared icily at him again. "Why the **** are you following me?"
---
The rattata scurried along the ground, pushing himself between tall stalks of grass in an effort to find any small morsel of food. Usually, he knew that stupid trainers would wander that far out into the glen, perhaps searching for the first catch of their pokémon journey, and where there were trainers, there were morsels, crumbs, entire apple cores just waiting for scavengers like him. With each step, his ears twitched as he listened carefully for signs of life. It didn't take long for him to catch the sound of a shrill voice stringing together words that, if he understood a minute bit of human speech beyond the names of his own attacks, would make him blush under his fur. Briefly, he stood on his hind paws and sniffed the air in the direction of the sounds, but although he couldn't smell a morsel in the humans' direction, he still took the chattering as a good sign and headed straight for them.
It should possibly be worth it to note that rattata aren't exactly known for the height of their intelligence or senses of self-preservation. But that's okay because this rattata will be important to the story later.
---
"Oh hell no!"
Lewis, of course, wasn't proud of the fact that he had to ask in the first place, but as he shifted awkwardly on his feet (which meant he towered over his apparently short companion, now that he was paying attention), he tried to look as pitiful as possible. Hands in his pockets, gaze on the ground, sharp frown. He hoped that the more he acted helpless, the easier it would be for him to convince both his companion and himself that he actually needed help.
After all, he couldn't imagine how well walking through tall grass in the Pokémon world would go if he had no pokémon of his own. Professor Oak said that was a bad thing, right?
"No! No, **** no! You find your own ******* way in this world! Go leech off some dip**** background character your lot always seems to find around this place! I've got better things to do than babysit some dumb*** mother****** from another universe who can't go five minutes without pissing himself! You want to have some stupid-*** adventure in this world? Go right ahead, but don't ******* bother me!"
"But look! I'm in tall grass!" Lewis stomped his foot. "A wild pokémon could come out at any moment to attack me, and I've got no pokémon to use in a battle!"
This only seemed to make the girl angrier. Her lips curled back, her eyes closed, and her face contorted as if Lewis's words were actually physically painful for her to hear. "You. Are a *******. Dumb****. Do you know what kind of pokémon live around here? Pidgey and rattata. And if either of those kill you, you ******* deserve to be taken out of the god**** gene pool."
"What about the spearow?"
"The what?"
"You know." Lewis waved his arms, as if he was trying to pretend to be a bird. (Which he was, but he would prefer it if you didn't think of it that way.) "Spearow. Vicious little things."
"I know what spearow are, jack***."
"Well, don't they live around here too? And don't they kill new trainers like me?"
"Are you going to go around and **** with the wildlife?"
"…No?"
"Then what the exact **** is your problem?"
Lewis shrugged but held his shoulders up. "I'm just saying that…" His voice dropped in volume. "I don't really want to be left alone out here without any sort of protection and surrounded by all kinds of things that can attack me… if that's okay with you."
For some time, the girl stared at Lewis through narrow eyes. Then, growling, she dropped her hands to her sides and waded out into the field.
"Be right back. You move an inch, and you're a ******* dumb*** I'm abandoning to die."
Lewis watched the girl grow further and further away. The grass eventually came up to her shoulders, rendering her as just a spot of black bobbing above a sea of green. Eventually, she slipped her head under the top of the overgrowth, and the only sign of her was the rustling and waving of the grass wherever she went. Then, after a few moments of this, Lewis heard a loud pop and saw a flash of light emanate from a spot in the field several meters away from him. After that point, the movement of the grass started towards him, and the dark-haired girl finally drew her head above the forest of stalks until she stood a short distance away from Lewis. Once she got within range, she tossed an object at him and let him fumble to catch it. When he did, he found himself holding in both of his hands the last object he ever thought he'd be clutching.
It was everything he thought it would be, really. Both the red and white halves of the ball were both smooth and plastic, yet cool to the touch despite being held against human skin for some time. The ball filled the palm of one of his hands as the other ran along the shallow indentation along its middle. His index finger found the button on its face – and it was a button, plastic and smooth-surfaced – only to press it down with a click. The ball swung open at this touch, and suddenly, it released a ball of light that quickly metamorphosed in his arms into a tiny purple and tan rat.
The rat itself was indeed the same creature mentioned earlier, and he for one was not happy to be made an important part of this story. Could anyone blame him? Suppose, for a moment, that you awoke in the middle of the night famished and were unable to get back to sleep, but as you stumbled through your house to find something to eat, godly nightmare creatures came and stuffed you into a container the size of a soup can without your permission. For most sane people, such a situation would render them either mind-numbingly terrified or ornery beyond all reason. Judging by the growling the rattata was at that very second, he happened to choose the latter reaction.
So it probably should be marginally surprising that Lewis screamed and dropped his pokémon or that his pokémon then proceeded to gnaw on the denim of his loose blue jeans under the mistaken impression that it was part of his new trainer's skin.
"Smooth one, dumb***," the girl said. "Looks like you're off to a great start."
"What's this?" Lewis squeaked as he pointed to the rattata.
The other human quirked an eyebrow. "Uh… your starter? Duh?"
"A-a rattata?" He swallowed as he looked down at the rat, which had taken to shaking itself violently in an effort to tear off pieces of Lewis's pants.
"Problem?" The girl crossed her arms. "It's a ****ing pokémon. What more do you want?"
"Well… I-I was sort of hoping for… something a bit…"
"A bit…?"
"Not a rat."
The girl growled. "Are you really going to be ****ing picky? It was either that or a pidgey."
"Well… I was hoping for a ponyta or something… not rattish."
"Congratulations. You have a rattata named Ponyta. Suck it up."
"It's… it's quite all right. If you could just escort me to the road, I could go to Pallet Town and—"
Abruptly, the gun was out and pointed at his crotch again.
"But a rattata named Ponyta sounds like a great starter pokémon!" he screeched.
Holstering the gun, the hunter turned away from Lewis and responded, "Good. Now, I've got places to be, so if you don't mind, I'm just going to wish you luck and be on my way. I ****ing hope we never meet again."
She started for the road once more, believing her encounter to be over. However, she forgot one little detail: fate has a sense of humor. A terrible one, actually. The kind that says the word cabbage and expects one to think it's funny. Plots, meanwhile, have absolutely no sense of humor at all and tend to be very strict about the way things work. Unfortunately, the two frequently go hand-in-hand for whatever reason.
Because of that, after a few moments of walking through the field, the hunter caught the sound of grass rustling behind her. When she turned, it was inevitable – literally inevitable, even – that Lewis was right there behind her with his rattata still chewing on his pant leg.
"Why the hell are you following me?!" she barked.
He shrugged. "I don't know. I just have this inexplicable urge to keep close to you. Like you're supposed to be my companion or something."
It took a few seconds for his answer to sink in. When it did, the young girl screamed the most colorful word of profanity ever uttered by a human being.
---
On the outskirts of Viridian City, Sora dashed past the police station with Eevee in her arms and Pikachu at her heels. Inside the station, Officer Jenny looked out the window just long enough to watch the new trainer, and in response, she sighed heavily and picked up the telephone. After years of this routine, the pokémon center was on the station's speed dial, and in Officer Jenny's head, she had a well-rehearsed warning already prepared for the occasion.
Because she was distracted, she didn't notice the hot air balloon drifting over the city limit half a minute after Sora crossed Viridian's border. Within its basket, a pair of teenagers – one male and purple-haired and the other female and blonde – peered at the city through pairs of binoculars. The female adjusted the zoom on hers while a small smile played across her face.
"Why, I do declare!" she said in a Southern accent. "What do you think we have here, Clyde?"
"Looks like another one," the male grunted.
"Yes, but look at that sparkle right in her arms!"
"Ah, an eevee. You don't see those around that often."
"And at her feet?"
"A pikachu. Could be worth something if she's one of… you know."
The woman straightened and pulled her binoculars away from her face. One of her hands tugged at the edge of her black shirt, stretching the blood-red R emblazoned on its front. As she fondly gazed at the emblem, she smirked.
"Might those be worth something to our dear leader?"
Her partner pulled his green eyes away from his own pair of binoculars to glance at the woman.
"I should think so, Bonnie. Why don't we pay the pokémon center a visit, then?"
Smiling sweetly, Bonnie reached up to open the balloon's vent and guide their ride quietly downwards.
