Max's Hoenn Journey

[Shinxy]

Jaime, please don't use IM talk, it's really annoying -.- It won't take you too long to type out the rest of the word.

To harryheart: Better, more descriptive, a few grammar errors but mostly good. I have a few questions, though:

--Max's goal is the same as Ash's? To be the greatest Pokemon Master ever? He should have some kind of different goal; otherwise it'll be a little repititive and annoying. It's your typical New Trainer fic: Kid wakes up, 'OMG IZ LIK MIE TENTH B-DAY GUNNA GOH OWT AND CATCH ME SUM PKMN BE TEH GR8EST TRAINER LIK EVA.' I see some twists, but it would be nice to convince me it's not a New Trainer fic.
--When you were writing the end, you said Roxanne could feel Joshua's pain, she couldn't imagine what it felt like to lose 2 Pokemon in a day. That's kind of an oxymoron. You might not want to word it that way. She feels what she can't feel.

Otherwise, it was better. 7.5/10.

 

[harryheart]

It was good I'll do my review and there where a few errors.

"running to the aid of Max and totally ignoring the other Stell Pokemon."
Stell I'm guessing should be steel.

"Jenny held out to PokeBalls pointing them both at Tangrowth and Arcanine."
To should be two since they're two pokemon minor mistake.

Okay, have changed them and thank you for pointing them out. Will probably add in a section to do with the Pokemon in the cage

its definetely more descriptive but only got 1 question is max, jenny's friend?

What DanChimchar said. A bit like he knew her!

To harryheart: Better, more descriptive, a few grammar errors but mostly good. I have a few questions, though:

--Max's goal is the same as Ash's? To be the greatest Pokemon Master ever? He should have some kind of different goal; otherwise it'll be a little repititive and annoying. It's your typical New Trainer fic: Kid wakes up, 'OMG IZ LIK MIE TENTH B-DAY GUNNA GOH OWT AND CATCH ME SUM PKMN BE TEH GR8EST TRAINER LIK EVA.' I see some twists, but it would be nice to convince me it's not a New Trainer fic.
--When you were writing the end, you said Roxanne could feel Joshua's pain, she couldn't imagine what it felt like to lose 2 Pokemon in a day. That's kind of an oxymoron. You might not want to word it that way. She feels what she can't feel.

And the answers to your questions are yes it is a little bit like Ash's dream but with a major twist part way through

And secondly yes an oxymoron was necessary for that part, but a 7.5/10 is really good.

Thanks to all of you

 

[Me_Love_Eevee!]

Chapter 5 was really good. YAY! Sleep Powder, you did use it after all! By the way, who were those criminals anyway? I can't wait for Chapter 6.

 

[harryheart]

Chapter 5 was really good. YAY! Sleep Powder, you did use it after all! By the way, who were those criminals anyway? I can't wait for Chapter 6.

The name of the criminals will be found out in later chapters and Chapter 6 is bringing the major plot into the entire story. I'll see if you can get any hints from the title:

Chapter 6: Zigzag through the mind!

Can you see any possible twists? Don't worry if you can't because hopefully when reading the chapter you might!

Also regarding this chapter, it is most likely that it will be posted on October 16th or around then

So I hope thats not having to wait too long

 

[DanChimchar]

Title Review Yes I Love These

Hmmm Zigzag through the mind.

Ok Frist I think Max is going to befriend or catch a Zigzagoon or some will catch it or something. Or Max meets a girl with a Zigzagoon that loves contest and joins him.
Through the mind hmmmm I think that maybe someone saves it and it stays on there mind and they go back to catch it but the evil guys are there.

Anyways Its a Catchy Title
9/10 for the title I really like this one

 

[Torpoleon]

Hi harryheart! I am a new reader.-applause- Also great title 9.5/10!!!! keep up the great work. I will review when the next chapter comes.

 

[harryheart]

Title Review Yes I Love These

Hmmm Zigzag through the mind.

Ok Frist I think Max is going to befriend or catch a Zigzagoon or some will catch it or something. Or Max meets a girl with a Zigzagoon that loves contest and joins him.
Through the mind hmmmm I think that maybe someone saves it and it stays on there mind and they go back to catch it but the evil guys are there.

Anyways Its a Catchy Title
9/10 for the title I really like this one

You are correct with Zigzaggon, one will appear but the mind aspect is something slightly different that dosn't usually appear in Pokemon.

 

[Kira Ketchum]

Cool story
I hope you put magma and aqua in.

 

[harryheart]

Cool story
I hope you put magma and aqua in.

Magma and Aqua will be mentioned but I can tell everyone now that they are retired

Hi harryheart! I am a new reader.-applause- Also great title 9.5/10!!!! keep up the great work. I will review when the next chapter comes.

Okay, well thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it!

 

[Torpoleon]

i can't wait for when it is around october 16!!!!!!!!!

 

[harryheart]

i can't wait for when it is around october 16!!!!!!!!!

Thats good to know, and this Chapter is hopefully a big improvement on all the others. Like more description and better spelling and grammar!

 

[Stabberz]

I really cant wait till you do the new one have you already thought of the pokemon max is gonna get later on or will you wait until the time comes

 

[harryheart]

I really cant wait till you do the new one have you already thought of the pokemon max is gonna get later on or will you wait until the time comes

i've already thought of what the pokemon will be so i dont faf over what will come next!

 

[TurtwigFan1]

I think this is a good fic! I especially like Charmander! I'd say about 8.5/10!

 

[Stabberz]

Will you have any legendary s in maxes adventures

 

[harryheart]

Will you have any legendary s in maxes adventures

There will be legendary Pokemon but not on Max's team or any of his friends

I think this is a good fic! I especially like Charmander! I'd say about 8.5/10!

Thanks. I hope Chapter 6 will help solidify your rating!

 

[TurtwigFan1]

I hope so too! This has the possibilty to be an amazing read that attracts a lot of people (which it is already! ). Keep up the good work!

 

[TurtwigFan1]

I hope so too! This has the possibilty to be an amazing read that attracts a lot of people (which it is already! ). Keep up the good work!

 

[Torpoleon]

i've already thought of what the pokemon will be so i dont faf over what will come next!

Have you already thought of the stuff that would happen in Max's Hoenn Journey or some of it?

 

[Diddy]

Just have to clarify something someone said here.

When you were writing the end, you said Roxanne could feel Joshua's pain, she couldn't imagine what it felt like to lose 2 Pokemon in a day. That's kind of an oxymoron. You might not want to word it that way. She feels what she can't feel.

Have you ever heard someone say, 'I feel your pain' its a rather common phrase to be honest. Its all to do with empathy, putting yourself in someone elses shoes and knowing how they feel. Or Roxanne, maybe has lost 2 pokemon in one day, therefore having past knowledge of what it felt like.

And don't use words you don't know the meanings of. That isn't an oxymoron, my above explanation renders any chance of it being 'a contradiction' (what it would be if I didn't point out the point on empathy) moot. An oxymoron is a phrase or couple of words which are complete opposites, Loving Hate, Peaceful War, Chaotic Order, Military Intelligence. You catch the drift.

The part you are referring to, without reading it myself, seems perfectly in order to me.