Max's Hoenn Journey

[harryheart]

Just have to clarify something someone said here.



Have you ever heard someone say, 'I feel your pain' its a rather common phrase to be honest. Its all to do with empathy, putting yourself in someone elses shoes and knowing how they feel. Or Roxanne, maybe has lost 2 pokemon in one day, therefore having past knowledge of what it felt like.

And don't use words you don't know the meanings of. That isn't an oxymoron, my above explanation renders any chance of it being 'a contradiction' (what it would be if I didn't point out the point on empathy) moot. An oxymoron is a phrase or couple of words which are complete opposites, Loving Hate, Peaceful War, Chaotic Order, Military Intelligence. You catch the drift.

The part you are referring to, without reading it myself, seems perfectly in order to me.

Thanks for clarifying that for everyone, as it was a phrase I heard at school that day so I thought that would work in the story.

I hope so too! This has the possibilty to be an amazing read that attracts a lot of people (which it is already! ). Keep up the good work!

Same here I really hope that it keeps attracting the readers even after the big plot twist. Thanks for the heads up, that has given me a boost of confidence.

Have you already thought of the stuff that would happen in Max's Hoenn Journey or some of it?

Yeah, I have planned out the entire story and the major chapters, the less important ones have a plan but not as in detail. The first 6 chapters have been planned thoroughly though! The order of his wins and Pokemon have been thought of, and surprisingly it is more difficult than one would first think.

Thanks for all your reviews. Keep them coming!

 

[Stabberz]

When do you think the next chapter will be up

 

[harryheart]

When do you think the next chapter will be up

Probably around October 16th so a bit of the wait, but it is still being edited and I have tons of coursework I need to do so that put the date back a week or so. Don't worry though because if it is completed before October 16th with the edits then you will have it up that day.

 

[Stabberz]

When you Say Big Do You Meen BIG because if you do i cant wait

 

[harryheart]

When you Say Big Do You Meen BIG because if you do i cant wait

Yup I mean BIG But unfortunately I can't reveal anything!

Sorry

 

[Stabberz]

Yes Can't Wait Here is Just Something (i know you cant give anything away but) i think Max would look good with Charmeleon but not Charizard also I dont really know about Budew

unless you can find a way to make it work

What Where You Thinking Budew and Max No Good


What Where You Thinking????????????Mean Cmon I Dont suit max ya

 

[TurtwigFan1]

I can't wait for the plot twist! Maybe, Max releases Charmander or Budew? Maybe...

 

[harryheart]

Yes Can't Wait Here is Just Something (i know you cant give anything away but) i think Max would look good with Charmeleon but not Charizard also I dont really know about Budew

unless you can find a way to make it work

What Where You Thinking Budew and Max No Good


What Where You Thinking????????????Mean Cmon I Dont suit max ya

There's a possibility, but I doubt it too!

This is a major plot line, and think beyond Pokemon, then you may get it!

 

[Stabberz]

Im Hopin For a New Pokemon


What Like a New Character or something

 

[TurtwigFan1]

Beyond Pokémon, maybe May makes a guest appearance, or Ash and Brock?

 

[Brando95]

I haven't read much of this fan fic yet but, I think that it is a great idea. I wish that they still had pokemon chronicles so that they could put it in a show...

 

[Zephyr Flare]

Stabberz, half your posts are spam. Torpoleon, you're not much better either. Please keep your posts relevent to the thread, not waffle that could be dumped on any thread in this sub forum and does little more than bump the thread up every two minutes. If you really want to know when the next chapter is coming you can PM the author and find out, instant less spam. If you really want to dicuss between yourself the plot then do it in PM like everybody else, some people might actually just want to read and not have to try and avoid tripping over "I agree!" posts.

You're starting to really irritate people with this thread sending out notifations constantly but for nothing remotely, ya know, useful purpose.

Sandra

 

[Manaphyman]

Ugh, alright. I have absolutely no time, but after reading this thread, I can't bring myself NOT to comment. So where to begin?

First and foremost, I agree 100% with Yami. This fic is atrocious. Not only have you neglected advice from a very esteemed author on the forums, but from others as well. Look, normally, I'm a really nice guy. I don't like hurting the self-esteem of young authors, because I'm still growing with my story, and I used to hate bad reviews. But thats how you grow, and I'm a fairly decent writer with some potential now. I have however seen examples of crappy writers taking a terrible story 30+ chapters. I do not wish for you to waste your time.

This is a turning point review, either take the advice from experienced, 'been there, done that' authors, or turn in your keyboard and lock the thread. Just to remind you of the actual advice:
1.Description- You need to describe almost everything in order to achieve flow and story development. Without description, you have nothing to work with.
2.Your characters- They are way too flat and gary-stu ish. All early writers do this, so its no big deal. Just remedy it.
3.Your plot/story- Everything about it is kinda of corny and unbelievable. Just imagine that you were Max, is your life perfect? Absolutely not.
4.Grammar- Buddy, your grammar is worse than mine. And that would be saying a hell of a lot.

Okay, now that I have the actual review out of the way, time to ***** at everyone else in the thread besides Yami and Diddy.

You guys are:
1)Completely spamming up the thread with your nonsense and crap. Guys, just review and then leave, and then come back when the next chapter is up. PLEASE DONT POST one-liner useless crap like: "I LOVE YOUR STORY." I did this too, until Psychic intervieved. Its part of the fanfiction rules guys, please read them.

2)Encouraging him. His story is terrible, and its people like you that encourage him NOT TO TAKE THE ADVICE OF INTELGENT PEOPLE. (Not me, Yami) If he ever wants to improve he desperatly needs to take this advice. The story itself has potential....but other than that, its in need of help.

*Sigh* I'll be back to see your reply and maybe the next chapter, but seeing as you probably wont take my advice, I probably wont be around much.

EDIT: Yes, I called the mods. Because this is ridiculous, and you HAVE to listen to them, unlike me.

 

[harryheart]

Ugh, alright. I have absolutely no time, but after reading this thread, I can't bring myself NOT to comment. So where to begin?

First and foremost, I agree 100% with Yami. This fic is atrocious. Not only have you neglected advice from a very esteemed author on the forums, but from others as well. Look, normally, I'm a really nice guy. I don't like hurting the self-esteem of young authors, because I'm still growing with my story, and I used to hate bad reviews. But thats how you grow, and I'm a fairly decent writer with some potential now. I have however seen examples of crappy writers taking a terrible story 30+ chapters. I do not wish for you to waste your time.

This is a turning point review, either take the advice from experienced, 'been there, done that' authors, or turn in your keyboard and lock the thread. Just to remind you of the actual advice:
1.Description- You need to describe almost everything in order to achieve flow and story development. Without description, you have nothing to work with.
2.Your characters- They are way too flat and gary-stu ish. All early writers do this, so its no big deal. Just remedy it.
3.Your plot/story- Everything about it is kinda of corny and unbelievable. Just imagine that you were Max, is your life perfect? Absolutely not.
4.Grammar- Buddy, your grammar is worse than mine. And that would be saying a hell of a lot.

Okay, now that I have the actual review out of the way, time to ***** at everyone else in the thread besides Yami and Diddy.

You guys are:
1)Completely spamming up the thread with your nonsense and crap. Guys, just review and then leave, and then come back when the next chapter is up. PLEASE DONT POST one-liner useless crap like: "I LOVE YOUR STORY." I did this too, until Psychic intervieved. Its part of the fanfiction rules guys, please read them.

2)Encouraging him. His story is terrible, and its people like you that encourage him NOT TO TAKE THE ADVICE OF INTELGENT PEOPLE. (Not me, Yami) If he ever wants to improve he desperatly needs to take this advice. The story itself has potential....but other than that, its in need of help.

*Sigh* I'll be back to see your reply and maybe the next chapter, but seeing as you probably wont take my advice, I probably wont be around much.

EDIT: Yes, I called the mods. Because this is ridiculous, and you HAVE to listen to them, unlike me.

No that is completely fine, when everyone says flat what do they mean. Elaborate please, and in Chapter 5 there is a hell of a lot more description. But yes if you could elaborate what you mean by flat that would be very helpful!

And I have taken Yami's reviews into accommodation and have added a lot more description and the grammar and spelling have improved. Sorry to be harsh back!

 

[Yami Ryu]

No that is completely fine, when everyone says flat what do they mean. Elaborate please

Flat: Lacking substance. Nothing is there.

How can you need FLAT, ELABORATED TO YOU? But oh I forget, you're a person that took four Private Messages, to just start to barely grasp; I read your next chapter, it was NOT improving. But then again I feel you didn't even begin to grasp.

You only listen to the mindless praise and tack on more crap and filler; you haven't really begun to truly improve, your characters are still flat and unbelievable and out of this world, the situations aren't any better and you still rush and skimp about, and give very little heart or soul to your chapters. It seems you're more focused with filling your thread with spam, from you and your little friends, then actually improving anything.

 

[Stabberz]

I Don't Think Their Flat at all The Storyline So Far is Good also There Are :The Description and Also I Think That All Of The Chapters Being Combined And Having an Overall Goal is Good

 

[Manaphyman]

Stabberz- I can't understand anything you wrote. Please use proper capitalization and punctuation. Even a drunk monkey can do that.

Flat: Lacking substance. Nothing is there.

How can you need FLAT, ELABORATED TO YOU? But oh I forget, you're a person that took four Private Messages, to just start to barely grasp; I read your next chapter, it was NOT improving. But then again I feel you didn't even begin to grasp.

Yeah, Yami summed up everything. If you need futher explanation of that...well, lets not go there...

 

[Stabberz]

Sorry PC Errors

 

[Argon]

Will Mudkip like me? Will he obey me? Will it even be a he?

Cel: Hahaha! Sorry, I just had to quote that. It was unfortunate for me that the Mudkip I chose in Pokemon Ruby version was in fact, female... Other than that (I haven't read chapter 2 yet, so I don't know), Max should probably capture the Ralts from the episode, "Do I Hear A Ralts?" It's probably just a suggestion...

Take Onix vs Tyranitar, Brock's Onix was able to survive a battle against Tyranitar for around 5 minutes, but in the end even when Onix flung Tyranitar away and it landed in the lake, Onix was the one to faint. Not the other way around.

NOW AS I SAID BEFORE and you obviously could not GRASP it. Your characters are flat. Your chapters are rushed. Your scenes are rushed. Your description is short and tacky. You have no believability.

Cel: Am I the only one who thinks he is being a little... heh?

 

[harryheart]

Cel: Hahaha! Sorry, I just had to quote that. It was unfortunate for me that the Mudkip I chose in Pokemon Ruby version was in fact, female... Other than that (I haven't read chapter 2 yet, so I don't know), Max should probably capture the Ralts from the episode, "Do I Hear A Ralts?" It's probably just a suggestion...


Cel: Am I the only one who thinks he is being a little... heh?

I am always open to suggestions, but when it comes to the Pokemon he's going to catch that is all laid out. But I will still have any ideas as I like to include things that readers would like. You can suggest Pokemon because I might think it is better than 1 I have already decided.

Thank you for the review.