The 30th Chapter: A friend's in need!
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Max: "Climb aboard, Ralts!" (Squats)
Ralts (nods and climbs on his back): "Ralts!"
Max: "I'll be your transportation on this journey!"
May (with a wondering voice): "Max, are you sure you are up to that?"
Max: "Why, you don't think I am? Listen, everyone! I now take on full responsibility for this Ralts."
Ash: "Great! That's the spirit, Max!"
Pikachu (agrees with Ash): "Pika-pika!"
Max: "So, let's go!"
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(Max opens his eyes and sees that Archie is looking at him.)
Archie (wondering): "Are you okay, Max?"
Wait, if Archie's standing in front of Max, who's manning the submarine? Also, Archie asking Max if he's ok seems a little bit awkward. Archie should be able to tell if Max is sleeping right? Though I liked the part where Max gets a dream recount of the day when he met Ralts.
Max: "Yeah. I think I took a nap."
I think you can forego the think since I think Max should be able to confirm that he slept.
Archie: "That's fine. Oh, look!"
(Max and Archie see an undersea cave.)
Undersea cave? Do you mean underwater cave? Actually, cave by itself would do.
Max: "Do you know this cave, Archie?"
Archie: "I sure do! It is a cave that leads to Sootopolis City!"
Max: "Really? We are so close!"
Archie (with a kind and happy voice): "Even closer than you think!"
How many caves are there that lead to Sootopolis? Just wondering. I find using 'a' rather than 'the' a bit odd. If there's multiple, I believe "one of the caves" would be the better way to say it. For singular, you know the drill :3
(They swim through the cave and it becomes dark. Archie turns the submarine lights on. After some time, they see a way out, which is in the end of the tunnel. After it becomes bright again, Archie turns the lights off. He pulls the lever up and the submarine rises to the surface.)
Cool descriptions here. Just two mistakes I spotted. They aren't "swimming" but rather in a submarine. I'm pretty sure swim can't be used with submarines. So navigate is a better word. Also, I believe it's "at" the end of the tunnel. Other than that, nice descriptions on going onto the surface of Sootopolis.
Archie: "Here we are!"
Max: "Yeah! We are finally here!"
(They look up at the great Sootopolis City, with many white buildings towering above them. Archie points at a harbor. He moors the submarine.)
Archie: "Here we are. Max, I need to go now, but I hope you find your friend. The best of luck to you, Max!"
Max: "You can't imagine how much I owe it to you, Archie! But why are you leaving so quickly?"
Archie: "I have some of my grunts waiting for me in my headquarters near Mossdeep City. And you know that Briney needs my help as well."
Max (nods): "I wish you the best of luck, too."
(They shake hands, and they split their ways. Max is very eager to find his friend and he has a beaming smile. He starts remembering the places. The places through which he ran with weak Ralts.)
I like your descriptions of the city. "And they split their ways" sounds a bit awkward, I think it should be "and split ways". Though that sounds awkward as well... man xD
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Max (is running as fast as he can): "Don't worry, Ralts! We'll be at the Pokemon Center in no time! Just hang in there..."
Ralts (with a suffering voice): "Ra-alts."
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Max: "I can't believe it! I am going to meet Ralts. I remember the way to the Pokemon Center. I can't forget that day. I'll find it."
(After some search he finds a huge wooden building with huge letters and a Pokeball sign on it.)
Max (stands near the entrance): "Here it is. Nothing has changed."
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Nurse Joy (comes out of the room where she cured Ralts): "Your Ralts is going to be fine."
Max: "Can I see it?" (Runs to Ralts without permission.)
Ralts (sees Max): "Ralts?"
Max: "Hi there!"
(Max runs to hug Ralts. Ralts happily jump into his arms.)
Ralts (smiles): "Ra-a-lts!"
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(Max stands near the Pokemon Center.)
Max: "The same place where we said goodbye to each other..." (Starts remembering again.)
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Max (to Ralts): “Goodbye Ralts, take care of yourself. Be good, okay?”
Ralts (surprised): “Ra-alts?”
(Ralts starts crying, runs and jumps into Max’s arms.)
Max (cries): “Oh, Ralts, I love you too!”
(Gardevoir, Kirlia, Ash, Brock, May and Nurse Joy stand near a Pokemon Center. Max and Ralts keep hugging.)
Max (unwillingly stops huggimg): “Time to go now…”
Ralts (doesn’t want to go) “Ra-aalts. Raa-lts…”
Max (answers with a serious voice): I don’t want to go either. But we don’t have the other choice. What do you think when I become older? Would you like to travel with me?”
Ralts (answers happily and nods): “Ralts. Ralts!”
Max (happily): “That’s awesome! You can count on me. I'll come back some day.”
Ralts: “Ralts!”
(Kirlia and Gardevoir tell Ralts that it is time to go.)
Max: “So, that’s a deal.”
(Max looks at Gardevoir.)
Gardevoir (agrees and nods): “Garde-voir!”
(Then Gardevoir, Kirlia and Ralts disappear.)
Ralts (tells Max): “Promise me Max, promise that you’ll come back to take me.”
Max (answers loudly): “Yes Ralts! I promise you I will come back for you!”
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No errors here. I think. I liked how you gave some background flashbacks for the benefit of people who did not watch the episode. I like your flashback-present shift.
(Tears appear on Max's face and he starts crying. Then he becomes serious and shouts with all the confidence he has.)
Max: "Kirlia! Gardevoir! Do you hear me? I came back for Ralts like I promised!" (He waits a bit.) "I am here to take Ralts with me! Do you remember?" (Then he starts getting sad.) "No, this can't be...Ralts, are you here, my dear friend? I came back for you!"
(After that a wind starts blowing at Max and he sees a familiar blue light.)
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Max: "Hey! You must be the real Gardevoir and Kirlia, aren't you? Are you really the friends of Ralts?"
Gardevoir (tries to take sick Ralts back): "Gardevoir."
Max: "No, you can't take it!"
Gardevoir (is very surprised): "Gardevoir?"
Kirlia (is also surprised, but is angry as well): "Kirlia?"
Max: "Ralts is in a very bad shape now, and I got to get it to the Pokemon Center before it's to late. You have to believe me! I'll bring it back as soon as it's better. Trust me, please!"
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Max (surprised as he sees a familiar light): "Oh, it is you!" (Looks at Kirlia and Gardevoir)
Gardevoir (nods): "Garde-voir."
Max: "Thank you again for the opportunity you gave me that day."
Kirlia (happily): "Kirlia!" (Points at Max, thanking him instead.)
Max (starts smiling again): "But where is Ralts? Is it with you?"
(Suddenly Gardevoir and Kirlia become sad.)
Max: "Isn't it with you?"
Gardevoir (shakes its head): "Garde-voir."
Max (looks down): "Oh no..." (Starts crying) "Ralts, where are you?"
(Kirlia and Gardevoir go closer, and put their arms on Max's shoulder.)
Kirlia (shakes its head and smiles): "Kirlia."
Gardevoir: "Garde-voir." (Points its arm at the back direction.)
(Suddenly something starts glowing behind Max.)
Max (to Gardevoir): "What are you trying to tell me?"
Gardevoir (keeps pointing in direction behind Max): "Garde-voir."
(Max looks behind him and makes a pause. He is stunned.)
Max (starts smiling): "I can't believe it! Ralts!"
I like the part where Gardevoir and Kirlia trolled Max. Eh, it was enjoyable. When I read this, I was originally thinking "what happened did Ralts *insert word*? It was a good way of suspense that ends up happily.
(Max runs towards Ralts and Ralts does the same. They start hugging each other.)
Max: "Ralts, I missed you!" (Starts crying, but this time because of happiness.)
Ralts (happily): "Ralts!"
Gardevoir (smiles and looks at Kirlia): "Gardevoir!"
Kirlia (nods): "Kirlia!"
Max: "I am so glad that you are fine, Ralts!"
Ralts: "Ralts!"
(As they keep hugging, the unknown person looks at Max and Ralts.)
???: "Oh, they are so cu-u-ute!"
???: "Pi-piplup!"
DAWN!!! <3
The end of the 30th Chapter.
The end of Max's New Adventures: In a search for the friend
