Max's New Adventures

[*PKMN Trainer Paddy*]

Hi Raymon
Firstly i would like to say how good this chapter was.
I am enjoying this water type tournement a lot. There are some really good battles going on. So Max was back in action in this chapter, Marshtomp vs Walrein. If im honest Max is incredibly lucky when it comes to tricky battles. Im not complaining, i must commend you on the most impressive strategy i have ever read. Glad to see them progress (max and marshtomp) and am looking forward to Barrys battle. Good work Raymon, continue as always.

 

[Everlasting]

Eh, hi ! Nice to meet you !
First of all, I have to admit, your story isn't bad (I took 2 hours to read it all through chapter 37) and I'm very interested ! I hope the next chapter came out soon ! Oh and, by the way, I love how Marshtomp's development is doing, keep going !
I like your writing style, keep doing it as you're doing.

 

[TheSirPeras]

I don't have much time for a better review today, but this chapter was really good! I liked both battles, and the way Marshtomp learned Muddy Water was pretty original haha XD It's also awesome to see Blastoise
I have one question: By now has Ash traveled through Unova or not? I cant remember if you said it in a chapter before haha

 

[infernape100]

Hmm, this battle chapter seems a little shorter than the others but good all the same. It is good to see Marshtomp learn Muddy water, i would think that it is going to become Max's main battling Pokemon now with its epic moveset. As for recharging subject, i respect that your fic is hugely based on the anime but the anime doesn't always get stuff right and is easy to improve upon. Admittedly, it would seem strange having hydro cannon recharge after round 4 but not before so i wouldn't recommend changing it now unless you add it in in the previous chapters, but that could really change the flow, so its really just something to bear in mind for the future. Also, it would be good to see more scenes that aren't battles, like all the characters having a meal before a round or something - it would just be a nice change from battle after battle after battle. Anyway, on to the mistakes:

Announcer: “And there they are, our today’s tournament battles!” (As trainers look at the screen, announcer keeps talking) “16 Pokemon trainers will clash in 8 battles, and only the strongest will advance to the fourth round! And the first battle will be against Max and Marina!”

A few things wrong with this:
And there they are, today's tournament battles no need for 'our'
And the first battle will be between Max and Marina 'between' replaces 'against'
Also, it is best to spell out smaller numbers (ie 16 and 8)

Barry: “Walrein, the Ice Body Pokemon. Walrein's two massively developed tusks can totally shatter blocks of ice weighing ten tons with one blow. This Pokémon's thick coat of blubber insulates it from subzero temperatures.”

Barry's Pokedex not just Barry as the speaker i would think, unless Barry has memorized the entry for Walrein

(Empoleon is pushed back. Both Pokemon start to get warned out.)

warn not 'warned'

 

[RealRaymon]

Hi Raymon
Firstly i would like to say how good this chapter was.
I am enjoying this water type tournement a lot. There are some really good battles going on. So Max was back in action in this chapter, Marshtomp vs Walrein. If im honest Max is incredibly lucky when it comes to tricky battles. Im not complaining, i must commend you on the most impressive strategy i have ever read. Glad to see them progress (max and marshtomp) and am looking forward to Barrys battle. Good work Raymon, continue as always.

Hi=)
Thanks!)Glad yu liked my strategy. Good luck to you, too)

Eh, hi ! Nice to meet you !
First of all, I have to admit, your story isn't bad (I took 2 hours to read it all through chapter 37) and I'm very interested ! I hope the next chapter air soon ! Oh and, by the way, I love how Marshtomp's development is doing, keep going !
I like your writing still, keep doing it as you're doing.

Hi!)Nice to meet you too!
Thanks for reading all of my story, I am happy I could interest you)My chapters don't air, it is not the Pokemon series (But I wish my fic would have been real. Eh, dreams...)Anyway, thank you very much

I don't have much time for a better review today, but this chapter was really good! I liked both battles, and the way Marshtomp learned Muddy Water was pretty original haha XD It's also awesome to see Blastoise
I have one question: By now has Ash traveled through Unova or not? I cant remember if you said it in a chapter before haha

Yeah, it was pretty original XD
Ash hasn't traveled through Unova yet. He just returned from Sinnoh League.

Hmm, this battle chapter seems a little shorter than the others but good all the same. It is good to see Marshtomp learn Muddy water, i would think that it is going to become Max's main battling Pokemon now with its epic moveset. As for recharging subject, i respect that your fic is hugely based on the anime but the anime doesn't always get stuff right and is easy to improve upon. Admittedly, it would seem strange having hydro cannon recharge after round 4 but not before so i wouldn't recommend changing it now unless you add it in in the previous chapters, but that could really change the flow, so its really just something to bear in mind for the future. Also, it would be good to see more scenes that aren't battles, like all the characters having a meal before a round or something - it would just be a nice change from battle after battle after battle. Anyway, on to the mistakes:

Yeah, it was a bit shorter, but it was still pretty large (5 pages A4 MW)
It is one of Max's strongest Pokemon at the moment, but it is so, because of my development of Marshtomp. I know the team Max will use in the league, and I will say, Marshtomp won't be his only powerhouse. And Swamert, if it evolves...I won't you tell whether or not it will happen
Well, moveset isn't that epic:
-Mud Shot
-Muddy Water
-Dynamicpunch
-Tackle
But it is pretty good
I will try to add some off-battle scenes. And thanks for pointing out the mistakes, need to correct them=)

 

[Charizard-Fan]

This was a pretty good chapter. I liked both Max's and Barry's battles, and the way how Marshtomp learned Muddy Water was quite cool. It was also nice to see Blastoise since it's one of my favourite Pokemon.

 

[TheSilentBang]

Just quickly, will there be anymore of this? I know its not been that long since the last chapter but I just cant wait for more!

 

[RealRaymon]

Just quickly, will there be anymore of this? I know its not been that long since the last chapter but I just cant wait for more!

Not anytime soon
I have other staff to do, but in summer I'll write some more chapters.
Thanks for supporting me=)

 

[deh74]

Hey I just read this whole fic in about for hours so this is gonna be a big general thing.
Your grammar was kind of duchy at the beginning of the fic but as it went on you got a lot better with it. There are still a couple of mistakes here and there but overall it's pretty good for English not being your first language.
I love how you've explored mac's beginning as a trainer and I think you've done pretty well with it so far. I especially like how I feel like I'm watching...err, reading the anime as I rad this.
enjoying the water type tournament but I have a coupleof nitpicks.
-remember how Brock would talk about the different Pokemons moves and abilities during the league battles? I think that you could do something like that here with max filling in as Brock and explaining different things.
-I personally think that Squirtle shouldn't have beaten gyrados so easily just because of the pre size of gyrados.
And some things I like in the tournament
-I love Barry and am happy you bright him back for this. I hope he has done more encounters with max later on.
-YAY KINGLER!!! It's been neglected for so long in the anime even though it's so awesome.

I wrote this on my phone so the grammar and spelling probably suck horribly. I also suck at reviewing.

PM list please!
EDIT:
-I just had the worst idea ever. Bring back misty in disguise to face ash at some point.