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May I? (t3h revised edition)

Breezy

Well-Known Member
May I?​
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, and if I did, Pikachu would be long gone by now. Haha, just kiddin'! Heh. >>;

*eye twitch* How many times must I post this fic? First time, it got bah-leated, the second time, the forums crashed also bah-leating it, and I'm sure there's more BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER! >< *deep breaths* Yeah, 'tis the prequel of the almost finished story "Two Choices" that some of you might of read but there's a good chance you haven't read "t3h revised edition" before. So enjoy!

A/N: Uh, this plot will be mostly in the Mauville/Veranturf spots, and let's just say that Brendan and May got most of their badges so they are taking a break . . . a really long break. I believe the beginning sucks also btw. Too many characters to introduce.@_@

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Chapter One:

What is love? Is it someone that you have a great affection for? That person that gives you that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach? Someone that makes you feel all woozy if they touch you by accident? The score in tennis if you have zero points? It is true that "love" is all of those things; we can all define it, but does that mean we know what it's like to be loved? Or is it to be in love?

The autumn sky illuminated her angelic-like face, giving her a glow that no one but her could muster. Her deep sapphire eyes twinkled in the sunlight, the wind gently playing with her shoulder length chestnut hair. The soft, gentle rustling of leaves gave her the feeling of calmness, serenity. Her hand was entwined with his as she gave it a little squeeze, and their faces came closer and closer together . . .

"Oh . . . damn! Why do I always wake up at the good parts?" A boy Pokémon trainer, known as Brendan Birch, cussed to himself as he sat up in his sleeping bag, running a hand through his snowy-white hair. Trying not to wake up his other traveling companion a few feet away, the young trainer pushed himself out of his sleeping bag, his rear meeting the cold, damp grass.

Breathing in the fresh air, the boy's ruby-red eyes met the true blue of the sky as cirrus clouds slowly passed by, the golden rays of the sun turning them a soft shade of yellow. Though, the sound of snickers and murmurs disturbed this peaceful picture, and Brendan turned his head, finding a group of Pokémon huddled together as if in heated discussion.

"Man, he woke up!" he heard one state sadly in its' native tongue. "And it was getting juicy too!"

"Why does Brendan wake up at the good parts?" another one whined in Pokémon tongue. "His dreams are like cliffhangers! They just keep on continuing and continuing and- oh! Hey Brendan! Heh . . ." The creature laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

"Muddy . . ." Brendan snapped his head toward the Pokémon as he warned his Swampert, a smug smile tugging at his lips. "What did I tell you about looking at my dreams?"

"Uh, not to?" the creature that spoke last, now known as Muddy, answered, forcing a fake smile onto his face. He shifted uncomfortably upon the gray boulder which he sat upon, lacing his blue paws together. His light orange whiskers - which were centered perfectly on each side of his face - quivered a bit as he watched his trainer tug on a black and red tee shirt through his bright orange eyes.

"And?" The boy popped his head out of his t-shirt, watching the Swampert through curious eyes.

"Not to ever?"

"Yeah, but you did anyways. Hm, how can I trust you now?" Brendan asked with annoyance but had a hint of playfulness in it as well.

"See, it wasn't my fault exactly," Muddy tried to explain himself. "It was . . . er . . . it was . . . Flare! The chicken did it!" Muddy pointed an accusing paw at Flare, a chicken at least over six feet with red, orange, and toasty tan feathers with bottom feathers that flared out like bell bottoms.

Flare froze in her place for a second, her scarlet eyes filled with nervousness. She dug one of her talons in the soft dirt. "Nuh uh! It was Skittles' idea!" She glanced at the Calm Pokemon, an innocent smile plastered on her face.

Skittles, a Delcatty, shook her head. Her chocolate-brown eyes were filled with amusement as she licked her dark-orange and maroon fur. "It would of been my idea if Sirius over here hasn't suggested it first!" She smiled smugly at the hyena Pokémon for the two were known for their rivalary and the fact that they were pretty keen on each other as well.

"What! It wasn't me!" Sirius, a smug and proud Mightyena, barked in protest. He shivered and shook himself at the mere thought, his ebony and gray fur waving back and forth with each movement. "It was Silver! He's the guilty one! I knew he was always . . . buggy." He glared at the cicada through his crimson eyes.

"No, really? You think?" Silver answered back sarcastically. He rapidly beat his ashy-white wings repeatedly before landing on the Flare's head. His beady, red eyes darted back and forth, staring at each Pokémon for a quick second, clinking his stormy-gray claws together in annoyance. "It's not me Brendan! I'm the most trustworthy Pokémon on your team and you know it! Well maybe besides Cy, but still, would I ever betray you?"

"Uh, duh?" Muddy replied as if this were obvious.

"Thunderbolt over there started it! He's the perpetrator!"

Thunderbolt, a Mantetric, glanced up from his position on the floor, a bored look in his scarlet eyes. He rested his tawny head upon his yellow and blue paws. "Why would I be interested in an old fart like Brendan?" he commented cooly.

"HEY!" Brendan's Pokémon, except Cy, shouted angrily.

"What? It's true you idiots, admit it," Thunderbolt concluded. "And by the way, it's Sapphire's fault; she's the one who actually thought of it last night before we went to sleep-"

"Uh, no I didn't!" Sapphire said, her amber beacon which swung back and forth in front of her head crackling with sparks of bright blue electricity. Water dripped off of her sleek, rubber-like, cerulean skin as she rose from the depths of the crystal-clear lake. "I had nothing to do with this! It was Banana!" she stated, mouthing an apology afterwards.

"Ah ha! It is Sapphire! She mouthed a sorry!" Thunderbolt exclaimed.

"It's not her fault," Banana, a Tropius, stated, her head hovering over the Tai's and Cherry's heads. A pair of fruit (mainly Nanabs) hung around her neck, its' sweet aroma drifting in the air. "It was those two over here. They convinced Cy to read your dream."

Tai, a flirty little Swellow with navy-blue and red feathers preened back and Cherry, a agile and graceful Beautifly with wings decorated in an array of bright and vibrant colors, looked at each other. "It was . . . HIM!" the two shouted at the same time as they flew over to the lake and hovered over it until a massive shape began to emerge from the lake's water.

"Fine! It was me!" a Gyarados, also known as Hydro, admitted. He narrowed his eyes at the rest of the Pokémon in disgust as water dripped off his cerulean scales. "And I would of gotten away from it too if it weren't for you meddling Pokémon!"

"Uh, jinkies!" Sapphire said, diving under water to avoid the gigantic wave Hydro created when he went above surface. The wave hit the land, drenching everything ten feet away from the lake.

"Zoinks . . ." Flare groaned, ruffling her feather, shaking herself dry. "Just . . . zoinks."

"Oops, sorry," Hydro apologized.

"Cy," Brendan said as he took off his bandana and wrung the water out of it, "why did you do what Hydro said? You usually don't listen to the other Pokémon very often stating that your intelligence might turn them for the worse or whatever."

The mysterious Cy, an Alakazam, only shrugged in return. "I was bored and your dreams make very good soap operas," he remarked cooly as he spun his telekinetic spoons through his hands. "We can turn it into a television show and call it Brendan, the boy with no brain!"

"Gee, I'm glad you find my life very entertaining to watch for your pleasure," Brendan replied sarcastically, putting his somewhat soggy bandana back on top of his head and tying it down.

"No problem!" Muddy replied, a smile on his face. "Were you being sarcastic?"

"He may of evolved and gotten smarter but his old Marshstomp self is still in there." Flare sighed and slapped her forehead with her sharp claws. "Now we just gotta figured out where it is and get rid of it."

"Figure out where and get rid of what?" someone asked from behind them in a soft voice that traveled with the wind.

"Hi May!" Cherry greeted her trainer warmly as she fluttered off the tree branch she was resting upon to land on her trainer's head. "We were just talking about yo-"

Muddy's eyes widened at the Beautifly's sentence. "Yo . . . ga!" Muddy finished for Cherry. "Yoga, very, uh, relaxing. Did you know there's an "O" yoga? I, for one, sure didn't."

"That doesn't surprise me," Flare remarked, grinning cheerfully at the glare the Swamp Pokémon gave her.

"I'm sure there is." May smiled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She ran her left hand through her short, chestnut brown hair as she straightened the wrinkles out of her t-shirt with the other. "Hey Brendan, we're suppose to go to Wally's before nine remember?" she brought up.

"Yeah, yeah, I remember alright," Brendan grumbled, frowning at the sound of his long time rival's name. "Wally . . . Ugh, I can't believe I just said his name!"

"Did we somehow force you to say his name or something?" Muddy questioned curiously.

"No, but-"

"Ah, do not even dare counter my intelligence, young trainer, for you might only hurt yourself doing so."

"Yeah well . . . Back at ya!"

"Are you guys ready to go?" May interrupted Brendan and Muddy's quarrel. "It's already seven."

"But it's only a fifteen minute walk to Wally's!" Brendan whined. "And I don't wanna see him when I don't have to yet! That wanna-be trainer! He gets his like tidey-whiteys in a knot when I beat him in a battle! What's the score now? Oh yeah, ten to zip! Who rocks!"

"Not you apparently since I'm the one that won all those battles," Muddy muttered to himself.

"Well, he does have rocks for brains!" Sirius pointed out jokingly.

"And he is hard-headed if you catch my drift," Silver said, playing along with Sirius.

". . . Some Pokémon team I have."

* * *​

The sun peaked over the rolling hills of Verandturf Town, its' rays touching the tops of houses as Brendan and May entered the small town, one skipping in the ankle-deep crab grass, the other trudging through it, head hung low, back hunched over.

In the quiet neighborhood of Pine Crest Drive sat a boy, his feet swung over the wooden planks of his porch. He was staring up at the clouds, his emerald-green eyes sparkling from the golden light of the sun.

Immediately, as both boy and girl trainer entered the town, May squealed and ran toward the boy. "Wally!" she cried out happily to the green-haired trainer, dressed in a button up white tee and khaki jeans. She bounded up the porch steps and hugged the boy in a tight grip as if she were trying to smother him in love. The boy didn't seem to mind though; in fact, from behind May's back, he grinned evilly at Brendan.

Brendan reached Wally's home and scuffed the ground, glaring ice cold daggers back at the green-haired trainer and scatching his head with his middle finger in Wally's direction.

"So May," the green-haired boy began, letting go of May reluctantly, "oh, and 'Brandon,'" Wally 'accidently' said Brendan's name wrong, "how's the badges coming along? I've already got my fifth badge-"

"Ha! Were already on our seventh! Beat that 'Walter!'" Brendan also "accidently" mistook Wally's name as he taunted him. "Guess we know who the better trainer is huh May!"

May looked questioningly at Brendan. "Well maybe-"

"Of course I'm the better trainer right May?" Wally asked, putting on his puppy eyes.

"No, aren't I May?" Brendan too put on his puppy eyes.

"Um . . ." May looked at the boy trainers and sighed. "I'm out of here!" She quickly ran into Wally's house, slamming the wooden door behind her.

Brendan and Wally blinked for a minute before starting at it again.

"Look what you did Birch! You made May run away! I was this close too!"

"You were close? HA! In your dreams Wannabe!"

"Can't you think of any better comebacks!"

"I can!"

"Then try!"

"Well . . . uh . . . You're stupid!"

"You're an idiot!"

"At least I'm not a . . . stupid person!"

"Yeah, well, you're a japanese word for stupid!"

"At least I'm not . . . stupid."

* * *​

May sighed to herself, cuddling in her makeshift bed on the floor. Wally and Brendan were fast asleep, shifting and snoring in their own sleeping bags. Reaching for her bag, she took out a small, red and white book. She nibbled on the rubber eraser on her pencil, opened the book and took out a flashlight. She thought for a minute before scribbling down furiously:

Dear Diary,

Well, here I am at Wally's. Brendan and Wally were at it again. I wonder why . . . What's wrong with them? Is there a chip programmed in their brains so whenever they see one another they go insane? I don't know but I'm completely clueless as you are!

May turned off her flashlight and shoved her diary back into her bag. She smiled as she saw the two trainers sleep peacefully; the only time when their not at each other's throats. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep slumber herself.

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Gawd I hate the beginning. It does get better, I promise.

LaTeR dAyZ!
 

Wes

Iblis Wings
Another Hoenn fic I see? Good job and good luck!
 
I have one thing to say to this fic: OMFG!!!11!!1! THIS FIC PWNZERS!!1!1!!! r0x0rz my b0x0rz! Nah, I'm just kidding...here's my review...

Yes, it does get better, Breezy, and I can promise that. XD Anyway, I'm not too sure you know me, so, *scratches head* - PKD, ficcer extraordinaire. Now, I've got to say, Breezy, this fic is way hilarious, but there's only one thing I need to know...how come you put apostrophes after its? It means Its its! o_O That doesn't make any sense at all to meh. You did it twice and misspelled Verdanturf Town. Just a typo - you spelled it Verandturf Town.

Anyway, this fic is good, and it is T3h R3v153d 3d1t10n! Ph34r t3h r3v153d 3d1t10n! Anyway, keep up the good work, my friend, and keep up the hilarity. *scratches head with middle finger* XD

~Dragonfire~
 

Elemental Charizam

Sudden Genre Shift
This makes me wanna climb a high building and scream "LOL!" through a megaphone XD

"Uh, jinkies!" Sapphire said, diving under water to avoid the gigantic wave Hydro created when he went above surface. The wave hit the land, drenching everything ten feet away from the lake.

"Zoinks . . ." Flare groaned, ruffling her feather, shaking herself dry. "Just . . . zoinks."

"Ah, do not even dare counter my intelligence, young trainer, for you might only hurt yourself doing so."
Is this sattire? Either way it's hillarious, even for Muddy!

"Ha! We're already on our seventh! Beat that 'Walter!'" Brendan also "accidently" mistook Wally's name as he taunted him. "Guess we know who the better trainer is huh May!"
You need the ' mark I added (and boldified) or it makes no sense.

Anyhoo, I hope you post the rest breezeh, 'tis a amusing fic to read, even after three previous reads.
 

Black Angel

Missing In Action
To be completely honest I think this is the first time I've reviewed any of your fics so I'll try to give a straight forward review.

It was an interesting thing to question love right at the beginning and follow it up with a love/dream sequence. It was also an interesting way to introduce the Pokemon by passing along the blaim of who's idea it was to listen in on his dream. Since I haven't read this before I imagine that Brendan and May can understand their Pokemon in some way, whether it was through their own language or actual actions carried out by the Pokemon and interesting way to learn about their personalities. A rivalry between Brendan and Wally taking to the point of actual fights of anger was also a good way on improving on their rivalry in the games. The only thing I can actually say I disliked about the first chapter were the Scooby Doo qoutes as I just have a pure hate for Scooby Doo since god knows when, but it didn't stop me from enjoying the chapter.

I look forward to reading the rest of your fic.
 

lilbluecorsola

Binky-boo! <3
*steps forward* My name is Blue, and I'm a closet reader of Breezy's fic, 'May I?'. =O

Yes, sorry to say, I read this entire fic before way back when I was a little newbie and had just discovered the Fanfiction Forum for the first time. ^^; I do believe this was the second chapter fic I ever finished, and it was right after I read all that you'd posted so far for 'WSBB?'. I loved that one so much that I did a search for more of your work and came up with this, and I read the whole thing. Too bad I didn't post. XP

Well, at least here's my chance to redeem myself. 8D I feel more comfortable reviewing fics when I'm there to read from the beginning. And I pledge to follow this fic from now on, to the very end, and actually reply this time. ^^;

Okay, now on to the review. XD

This is hilarious all the way through. (^.^) I love your fics because of the humor. They make me crack up every time I read them. I almost laughed aloud at the Scooby-Doo quotes. XD (Which I don't often do on the internet...)

A few mistakes here and there, but hardly noticable. (There's the ever so perpetual mistake of 'would of' instead of 'would have' that I notice in all your works though...)

I can't wait for you to post the next chapter. 8D I haven't forgotten too much of the storyline, but I still look forward to reading it again. (^.~)
 
T

Twilight Absol

Guest
I love the allusion you meade to Scooby doo, and I must say, I enjoy more of your comical side....I was wondering where the dunny Breezy went, but it appears as if she is back.

"No, aren't I May?" Brendan too put on his puppy eyes.
I do think you need a comma after I though..
 

Breezy

Well-Known Member
The nice thing about this fic is that I can update whenever I want to since I already wrote it. ^_^ Thanks for reviewing and catching my mistakes guys btw. I had a feeling some of you closet read the crappier version though. X3 Some unexpected reviews too, but that's always nice to come to anyways heh.

Well here's chapter 2. Perhaps you can catch more mistakes. =O

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Chapter 2:

The sun peaked over the rolling green hills of Veranturf town as the boy slipped his hand into her's, a comforting and relaxing smile on his face. She planted a chaste kiss on his cheek, yet the boy felt like it was special, unique, just for him. The girl smiled warmly, her hair being teased by the northwestern zephyrs, giving her the scent of sweet grass to go with her smell of jasmine. A lingering smirk was held in the young girl's eye as she pushed the boy over and then . . .

"May! Look at this!" Brendan shouted excitedly, shaking the poor girl out of her slumber. It was seven in the morning and we all know how much most girls love their beauty sleep, so combine that with May's somewhat angry mood every now and then and what do you get?

"BRENDAN BIRCH! If you ever wake me up at seven in the morning ever again with no important reason whatsoever, I swear I'll sick Flare on you and make her use her Sky Uppercut to send you to planet Kafloogah! Got that!"

"You heard the lady Birch, shut up!" Wally agreed from his makeshift bed on the couch, throwing his extra pillow at Brendan's head. "Normal people are trying to sleep here!"

"Then why are you still asleep?" Brendan asked curiously, throwing Wally's pillow over his shoulder. "Normal people don't have green hair you know?"

"Not many people have white hair either Brendan," May replied, blinking back sleep from her sapphire eyes.

"Hey, we all live in a Pokémon World." Brendan shrugged, sweeping a hand through his tousled hair. "Isn't that a song for one of the seasons of the Pokémon anime?"

"Pokémon . . . I wanna be the greatest master of them all . . ." Wally snorted, turning the other way, cuddling with another pillow on the couch.

Silence overwhelmed the act of randomness that Wally brought upon the room. Brendan and May stared at each other, one combing a hand through her tangled hair, the other staring at the ceiling, twiddling his thumbs.

"The greatest master!" Wally finished, jolting Brendan and May out of their thoughts.

"Freak," Brendan murmured.

After a few more minutes of restless silence, Brendan and May found it safe to relax, knowing that Wally wouldn't randomly shout out another verse to the song.

"Put my challenges to the test to be better than all the rest!"

Brendan and May look at each other, nervous, too freaked out to speak or to wake Wally up.

"So you wanna be the master of Pokémon?"

"Um, Brendan? He's scaring me," May whimpered finally.

"Do you have the skills to be number- Hey! What are you doing Brandon!" Wally awoke to find the white-haired trainer trying to muffle his face with a dark-blue cotton pillow.

"The names Brendan okay!" he said, annoyed. "You were singing the theme to the Pokémon television show! Do you know how annoying that is?"

"Was it the one where Tracey was in it and Brock wasn't?"

"Yeah."

"Then I see how it was annoying."

May, who stifled her laughter from this comment, stretched her legs and ridded herself of cricks in her back. "Now that we're all up, why don't you tell us what you wanted to show me now B Boy? You know, now that I'm up thanks to you . . ." A mischievous glint passed through May's eyes.

"Haha, yeah." Brendan rubbed the back of his neck, moving away from May slowly to avoid getting pummeled into the ground. "You know, I rather not say right now. I mean, it can wait, heh."

"Tell me," she growled.

"Nah, it's okay but um . . . th-thank you?"

"Tell me."

"You know, I'm not really in the mood at the moment. So why don't we all get up and get some breakfast! My treat! Well, actually, Wally's mom's treat since she bought the food."

"Tell me!"

"Aw, do I have to?"

"TELL ME NOW!" Outraged, May jumped on the boy trainer's back, causing Brendan to topple over onto his stomach. May pressed down on the back of his head.

"Watch the nose, watch the nose!" he yelled, muffled by the wooden floorboards. "I kind of need that to breathe- okay, push even harder and further down, that's nice."

"Look what I have to do just to get some answers out of this boy's mouth!" May sat on Brendan's back, trying to bore a hole in the ground using his face. Finally, satisfied with her results, the now content girl trainer got off of Brendan's back; an apologetic smile crept onto her face. "I am sooooooo sorry."

"What?" Brendan sat up and stared at Wally and May, puzzled.

* * *​

The toasty fingers of the sun gently touched the tops of trees as the three trainers made their way out of Verandturf Town. A delicate wind kicked up the dust of the road, making the air in front of them a dusky brown, and the sky was a lovely shade of blue, empty except for the occasional white cloud that dotted the sky. The flowers, a variety of deep reds to bright yellows, opened their petals to the heavens cheerfully, greeting the oncoming afternoon.

It was a rather tense moment between the three trainers, particularly between Brendan and May as Brendan kept rubbing his ruby-red nose in a frustrating manner, giving May dark glances every now and then.

"Hey, look at things this way! At least it wasn't your you-know-what!" Wally laughed as he referred to a certain body part that was "forbidden", clutching his stomach at the mere thought of Brendan shriveling up in pain. "I thought you were Santa because of your white hair! Now you're Ruldolph! Ruldolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose! And if you ever saw it, you could even say it glows! All of the other reindeer use to laugh and call him names-"

"Hey! There's a bunch of howling Mankeys outside!" a random person yelled from outside of his window in Mauville.

Wally frowned and bit his lip while May forced a smile on her face in embarrassment, but Brendan on the other hand . . .

"Haha, howling Mankeys! Sounds like a rock band! Named after Wally, the worst singer in the world!"

May only shook her head at Brendan's pathetic attempt to redeem himself as the three trainers continued their way down the concrete sidewalk path, occassional glancing inside of store windows. They passed a large corkboard filled with different articles and activities that were going to happen in Mauville, one article catching May's eye. "Hey, what's this?" May ripped down said paper that caught her eye off the Mauville Bulletin Board. "Attention all Pokémon Trainers, Researchers, Coordinators, and other fields of Pokémon! The semi-annual Pokémon Fair will be held in Mauville this year! Food, fun, and . . . another word that starts with F?"

"Catchy," Brendan murmured, starting to rub his nose again.

"Fantastic, freaky, furnish?" Wally suggested.

"That has nothing to do with the sentence, but moving on . . ." May began to read again. "Starts on the second week of October, ends until the beginning of the third week."

"You know, they could make things less complicated by saying October fifth to October twelfth," Brendan pointed out.

"Or better yet, the fifth to the twelfth!" Wally proposed.

"Yeah well, that could be in May for all we know. May, ha. What a stupid month."

"Excuse me?" May glared at Brendan who only grinned back innocently in return. She decided to let it go since she tortured Brendan enough today. Shrugging, she read the rest of the ad. "So be there and be-"

"Dead!" Brendan said cheerfully.

"Square?" Wally answered dully.

"Stupid?"

"What's with you and the word stupid?"

"Be there and be happy," May answered for them. "Latias, how lame. Anyways, the last night of the fair will be formal, for food, for fun, and for something else that starts with a F. Who knows what will happen . . . What does it mean by that?"

Wally and Brendan began to smirk uncontrollably as plans began to form in their heads . . .

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IT'S NOT ALL ROMANCE, I SWEAR! :D

Have fun finding mistakes lol.

LaTeR dAYZ!
 

lilbluecorsola

Binky-boo! <3
XD Ah, Breezy, your fics never fail to put a smile on my face. I probably grinned like a Chesire Cat all the time I was reading that chapter. XD Loved the reference to the Pokémon theme song...

You know what I really love about your fics though? They're so effing hilarious that I completely forget about searching for mistakes and get caught up in the story, through doubling back to try and understand the jokes.

So I have no complaints to report here. XD <- That's probably the only smilie I'm going to use in this post...

Great, just great. XD *bounces around as she waits impatiently to continue*
 
T

Twilight Absol

Guest
>.< the closet readings gonna stay with me isn't it?
I was confused by what Brendan saw, and I still haven't understood it yet....
I had fun finding mistakes, no worry, more comma missing!!
"You heard the lady Birch, shut up!" Wally agreed from his makeshift bed on the couch, throwing his extra pillow at Brendan's head. "Normal people are trying to sleep here!"
Whos Lady Birch? When did May become Brendan's wife? is it a hint? ooooooh

Great humor, the howling mankeys kept me interested and I laughed out loud when Santa Claus was mentioned :p
 

Black Angel

Missing In Action
It seems May has those dreams to but it will leaning more towards something else...any ways, this chapter was somewhat more dull than the previous one as it didn't really add anything besides the addition of the fair. Your description and grammer were excellent and I can;t wait to find out what happens at the fair.
 

Lupin

Legendary Pokémon Coordinator
This fic is rather good. I'm sure I reveiwed it when you posted it before hand. Good grammer as far as I can tell, very nice storyline with some of my favorite characters
 
P

PokemonMaster11

Guest
Hey I love this story! Is there perhaps a finished version somewhere? If there is can I have a link please? *Puppy dog eyes*
 
Twilight Absol, what Breezy means is....you heard the lady, Birch! Yeah, there is a comma missing, but, I dunno, I can't explain it in text. If only if only I had an airplane to fly me to your house and explain it to you...

Anyway, this chapter is good, my friend. You, again, spelled Verdanturf wrong, with Verandturf...Dudette, when will you learn? *radical sign* Dude! XD Three missing commas, more or less, but still, this chapter was pretty funny. Stupid. Another word that begins with F. Um...fanfic? :D

Anyway, three point five out of four. That's 3.5/4 or an 8.75/10. Good job, Breezeh!

~ PMD/BE/Dragonfire/Denny!
 
Breezy, your fics never fail to make me laugh. Keep writing!
;382; : She expects the next chapter to be done by tomorrow.
Go away Sapphire.
 
P

PokemonMaster11

Guest
What is taking so dang long for a new chapter!? And you never did answer my question about if there is a finished version of this floating around the net somewhere -_-;
 

Breezy

Well-Known Member
The revised version of chapter 3 is currently at ff.net in my documents, but since ff.net is not being very nice to me (I think I got banned ... again ><), you're going to have to wait a bit.

And yes, there is a finished version of this fic, unrevised, filled with grammar mistakes and horrendous description. I suggest you wait.

Or read the sequel. :p
 

Kanta-chan

Well-Known Member
*reads story again* Lol, this story is so funny! =P Yesh, you like posted this story so many times!

Erm, banned? FF.net is so mean these days . . . ><
 
P

PokemonMaster11

Guest
I dont mind bad grammer and bad description.....Link me to it im desperate!!!....
 
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