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memoirs of a grunt(v2)

vareki

Psycotic with RAGE
this is my second attempt at my first fan fiction as zephyr flare shut the first one down after i wrote "p.s.i have not finished the first chapter and will put it up when i'm done" and i ment i had put in the prolouge but not the first chapter which i was going to put into another post i am sorry to have caused confusion i am also sorry if this statement is offensive or inacurrate but it is as far as i know what happened. i say the same as last time, i will welcome constructive critism.
here is the prolouge and the first chapter

prolouge

“Hello my name is Alexander I am going to be you’re master for the next 13 years until you are released to the world”

----
I still remember that small bunch of words even though it was 6 years ago. it was not a nice or gentle voice, but now i don't really think even the most lucky person in the world would have got those niceties here

I was five years old

My name is Ben and I no longer can remember my mother’s face. I lived in a detention camp that has been hidden from the world. It is in the badlands between the two regions-kanto and houen-on a artificial island made to contain young kids until they where made into savage fighters or turned 18 upon which they where taken to be re-educated at a secret base. Depending on how they did where given ranks in the covert organization team rocket. I narrowly escaped that fate.

This is my story.

the start
“AAARRRR” once again I wake up screaming, what a surprise.
“What’s wrong” that was mike the kid in the bed next to me life would have been a living hell without his help, well more so than usual.
“Don’t worry Ben, every one has nightmares here its natural. I do. Have ones where I’m not a tall, blue-eyed hunk”
“You mean real life then”
“Yep that’s the stuff”
He really had brown hair, was shorter than me, had hazel eyes and a small build even though he had a personality that sometimes made you think he was going to get coloured contact lenses, hire a really good personal trainer and walk around in shoes with high heels.

“Everybody wake up” yelled a man in the get-up of a team rocket handler. He wore a red and white shirt (symbol red background white) and long white skin tight pants as well as the cap most team rocket grunts where.
“Hello Andrew” that was Luke he was the biggest one and the strongest one in the room.
“You know full well my name is Alexander, Luke” he said icily probably devising a way to get back at him. “Well even if outspoken Luke there will not be participating, today is the day where you will be allowed to try to catch a pokemon each.” The impact of these few words froze us and we went calmly and received some pokeballs each and went outside for the first day in our time here. Then we got the use of our tongue’s back “I’m gonna catch a rhyhorn” “pidgey” “grovyle” “aipom” only me and mike didn’t join the fray of voices.

We slipped off into the forest and the gates surrounding the compound, we both wanted to catch a pokemon but we wanted to escape more. We where zigzagging through the woods trying to remain unnoticed by the others. As we got towards the gates we started to go straight and made a break for the door we hit the fence post at a run and burst straight through it. But it did not go as we planned they caught before we went two meters from the compound we got hit by conflicting sound waves from jigglypuffs and explouds, the gate guards. After the songs and the hyper voices subsided we where bruised and sleeping.

----
“Well I hope you’re happy now. you two have too have your catching session next month, this severely limits the things I can do in that time training sessions, pokemonology and many other thing that require pokemon to do will have to be postponed. The rest of your unit will not thank you but before I deliver you to there clutches you will be sent to the stove for a few hours and you will learn to fear the consequences of going against the mighty team rocket” we sit there in silence until we here the word stove when we start protesting with the force of a broken dam. The stove is a furnace like room that is heated to punish disobedient boys a.ka. Me and Mike.

----
“Boy I hate having to go to the stove it kills”
me and mike are sitting on my bed talking waiting for everyone else to come back and pound us for postponing the pokemon lessons
“You tell me every time we try to make a break for it, I know it kills”
“I’m just going to say one thing Ben, I just want to stop getting scorched. Maybe we should make a plan instead of just running for it”
“I do make plans you just don’t follow them”
“well maybe I don’t but I do have a plan that I will follow”

to be continued

it may or may not be any good but who knows it might be
 

vareki

Psycotic with RAGE
i have got the second chapter....... even do no one seems to be interested enough to post......well anyway i still have the second chapter and i rate it much better than the first one here it is

chapter two

“Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” I start to whimper as blow after blow hits my stomach. “Okay now hitmonchan I believe it is the end of bens second ten pieces of hurt” Nicolas said to his captured pokemon “only three more now Benny boy” this was directed at me. Nicolas was the kingpin of bullies at the training centre and was quite annoyed that we where holding up the pokemon classes so much so that he was seeing us himself.
“Okay now it is time to start again. Comet punch”
“Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof”
“Again”
“Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof”
“And once more for the fun of it”
“Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof” “Oof”
“Okay now you are free to go” he said while gesturing to the muscle bound boys holding me to let go
“Now don’t stuff it up again” he growled at me
---
“Okay boys” Alexander said in what he thought was a singsong voice “it is time to retry are attempt at catching pokemon. Today oli will be joining you three as he was not lucky enough last month and did not catch a pokemon. Now take a pokeball each and go catch, or try to, what you choose”
“Come on guys lets leave this old prune to tend his receding hairline. See you Andrew” Luke teased. As we were walking away I said to mike “should we tell oli and Luke about the plan?”
“I’ve all ready told Luke and I’m”
“WHAT!” I yelled
“My plan my rules” he said before walking over to oli
“I know what you where talking about Ben” it was Luke
“What do you want” I said sulkily
“To tell you I promise you I won’t pay you out”
“Thanks” I said still sulking
Obliviously a bit hurt, Luke walked off to catch a pokemon. A few minutes’ later mike and oli came up to me
“Oli is officially part of the team now”
“Good”
“I wont rat on you promise” he said, giving me his hand to shake
“Okay” I said grudgingly shaking his hand
Before either of us could say another thing we saw a fire type one of types we would need
“Magby?”
“It’s mine” mike said raising his pokeball
“Magby” the red and yellow creature screamed before shooting a tongue of flame in mikes direction
“Mike duck” I yelled but he was already on the way down while throwing his pokeball. As it hit the pokemon on the head it was absorbed into energy and sucked up into the ball. As the ball rolled once twice three times “poof”
“Yes” mike said jumping into the air “I got it”
---
Twenty minutes later
---
“A munchlax” I exclaimed “we could use it as are strong pokemon”
“Munch” it said before closing its eyes
“What” oli exclaimed “it’s going to sleep, this is brilliant. Okay now chuck the ball.”
“You will not get a better chance. Come on Ben, I had no trouble catching the magby.” Both Mike and Oli are egging me on. I gotta do this
While I was thinking this I see out of the corner of my eye, the wide open eyed look of the pokemon and a look of glee.
“Its okay I’m not going to hurt you” I whisper to it not that it had much affect
“MUNCHLAXXXX” the grey and white creature yelled before shooting a massive blast of white light out of its mouth. Straight at us
“Duck”
“Hit the dirt”
I yell out a determined cry as I throw the ball towards the pokemon which it shook off with ease before running into the forest.
“I didn’t know munchlax could use hyper beam” I muttered
“Don’t worry bud, we can always just get you a little wynaut” oli laughed
“Or a caterpie, mister I’m not gonna hurt you” mike giggled
“Shut up guys” I said retorted “you only caught a gible oli. Not to mention your little magby, mike”
“So, at least they actually caught something Ben” smirked Luke, he had caught a machoke. Fitting to his giant stature and strength he had actually beaten it into submission to catch it.
“Oh hahaha” I replied lamely
“Poof”
We all turned around in time to see the red glow fading from the button on the pokeball I had just thrown
“Look like you caught something after all” stated Oli
I walked slowly over to the ball and pick it up before sending the unknown pokemon out.
From the white energy formed a brown furred, bushy tailed animal with long ears that looked towards them and smiled showing its small fangs and brown eyes.

To be continued
 

LinksOcarina

The true master
Still to short dude, but getting better. Descriptions are good but you can put some more meat onto them, and some gramatical stuff like missing periods and the like need to be filled in.

Keep at it, youll come to soon I think. It's a lot better than last time.
 

vareki

Psycotic with RAGE
well that's me down the toilet. but thanks for the advice
 
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vareki

Psycotic with RAGE
look if anyone is actually waiting for me to finish writing i am afraid you are gonna be dissapointed.

i tried to write a good fiction but the way i've been writing i have decided to stop here.

i did try, i spent ages reading to see how some good author writes and tried to put that into my work, but it just didn't work. i might try again once i've worked out the problems and fixed them :(
 
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