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Memory Lake (Pokeshipping/Contestshipping) PG-13
- Thread starter MistyLover
- Start date
- Status
MistyLover
Banned
Yes sorry Im going to introduce Contestshipping but not a lot Pokeshipping is still way more..you will be in for a little surprise though you can count on that 
XxM!styxX i already reviewed your fic just waiting for the next chapter
XxM!styxX i already reviewed your fic just waiting for the next chapter
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MistyLover
Banned
To tell you the truth, I still haven't decided who would win! I love both characters very much....but if i have suggestions i might be able to choose!
Radama?? what do you mean by hurry up and update! does that mean you are excited for the next chapter
Well, i still havent started writing the next chapter yet but i will! This is the first time i get six reviews in less than 24 hours! very happy!
Radama?? what do you mean by hurry up and update! does that mean you are excited for the next chapter
Well, i still havent started writing the next chapter yet but i will! This is the first time i get six reviews in less than 24 hours! very happy!
sammy061338
Watch Out Perv!
I see no contestshipping... YET!!!!!!!!!!!
lordzangoose
walk like anEgyptian
^ i don't want contestshipping at all, i'm just reading for the pokeshipping
MistyLover
Banned
dont worry it will come eventually!
lordzangoose, dont worry, like i said before Pokeshipping is still more than contestshipping, but may and drew will play a big part in the story, especially May.
hey everyone, and thanks to all who commented!
I already finished writing the fifth chapter, and i know who won I will NOT update the chapter today, i might change things so that it could be more interesting...have to do French homework...its killing me, so no i cant update! But thanks for the reviews, extremely ecstatic!
See ya! YOU GUYS WILL KNOW BY TOMORROW WHO WON! BUT YOU GUYS ARE WELCOME TO GUESS, ITS SO FUN!
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MistyLover
Banned
Chapter Five
Well guys i have finally finished Chapter 5 finally The french homework was killing me!
Thanks to EVERYONE who commented it meant a lot to me...
Here you go and hope you like it!
I dedicate this fic to Mina
Misty and Mina both were standing opposite each other; both of the teenagers have fire in their eyes. It’s just Misty and Mina, preparing to battle and Ash is the referee.
Misty smiled confidently, “You start first!”
“I know, ladies first, right.” grinning Mina, winking at Ash.
“Ignore her, Misty; she is just doing this so she could distract me and win, be strong, Misty, do not fall to her level!” thought Misty, to herself, determined not to lose.
“Skarmory, Steel Wing on Corsola!” commanded Mina; she then looked at Gardevoir, “You know what to do.”
Gardevoir just stood there, a look of extreme concentration.
“Corsola, Ancient Power!” demanded Misty.
Skarmory’s wing glowed white, and was already flying towards Corsola. Corsola began glowing red and blue, and jumped at Skarmory. Skarmory dodged it, and Skarmory bashed Corsola with its wing.
Corsola winced in pain, it was a direct hit.
Mina grinned, Misty frowned.
“Wow, her Skarmory has fast reflexes for a Steel Type.” she thought impressed.
“Gardevoir, Psybeam on Corsola!” said Mina.
Misty had to think fast, Corsola couldn’t take any more damage in such little time. And that Gardevoir has very high Special Attack, she was in trouble.
“Starmie! Swift attack!” said Misty immediately.
Starmie shot an army of stars from its jewel in the center, and Gardevoir’s Psybeam shot from her eyes, both attacks met in midair. The ray shaped stars and the rainbow psychic beam collided, but Psybeam was a bit more powerful, it was pushing Swift back to Starmie. It was still a distraction. At least, it still gave time for Corsola to recover a bit.
“Gardevoir, Psybeam! Skarmory, Hyper Beam, NOW!” screamed a fierce looking Mina.
“Two of her Pokemon know Hyper Beam that is really impressive.” thought Ash fondly.
The two beams combined making one super massive damaging beam that is heading right towards Starmie and Corsola.
Misty had to think really fast, this attack could be devastating. “Starmie, dodge! Corsola, stay your ground.” said Misty with a look of worry in her eyes.
“Corsola should not be in too much trouble, it’s part rock type, so Hyper Beam won’t have the same effect, but…Psybeam combined…” she thought worriedly.
Starmie quickly levitated away from the beam, Corsola staying her ground, scared.
Misty winced.
“Misty! What are you doing, why are you losing on purpose?” asked Mina curiously.
It happened.
The beams finally hit Corsola; huge clouds of smoke were in the air, blocking everyone on the field’s view.
Corsola was lying on the ground; just a push could take her out!
“CORSOLA, RECOVER, NOW!” bellowed Misty to Corsola.
Corsola winced, tried to move, it needed more time to use Recover, and Mina was not going to let it.
Skarmory needed time to recover, because it just used Hyper Beam, and it drains a lot of stamina.
“Gardevoir, Shock Wave!” screamed Mina determinedly.
“Starmie, Hydro Pump!” shouted Misty.
Starmie was faster, making it hit first. A huge jet of water was ejected from Starmie. It hit Gardevoir, hard. It got pushed back, elegantly though, wincing in pain.
Corsola started to glow rainbow, it was using Recover.
It was Misty’s turn to grin, and Mina’s turn to be grim.
“That’s pretty good Misty, I have to admit.” said Mina, not a trace of worry crossing her face, she seemed to not care what just happened.
“Skarmory, use Steel Wing!” ordered Mina.
“Corsola, use Spike Cannon!” Misty said heatedly.
This time, Corsola dodged the attack successfully. Corsola’s Spike Cannon hit Skarmory on its wings, making it move back, and losing concentration.
“Use Ancient Power!” Misty said to Corsola, looking determined.
Corsola began glowing, once again and hit Skarmory squarely on the stomach.
Skarmory was bashed into the rock, hard, breaking it. It fainted.
Mina recalled her Pokemon back to its Pokeball.
“Skarmory is unable to battle!” commented Ash. “So, it will be Misty’s Corsola and Starmie versus Mina’s Gardevoir. Let the battle commence!”
“I have this in the palm of my hands; I can’t believe Ash lost to her.” Thought Misty confidently, maybe a little too confident.
Gardevoir was standing gracefully on top of the rock.
“Corsola, Double Edge!” ordered Misty.
Corsola jumped her head lowered, ready to harm Gardevoir.
Mina grinned. “Teleport, then Psychic!” said Mina.
Gardevoir vanished in a second, and appeared in the next, standing in front of Misty.
Misty was shocked, she knew that it was a brilliant strategy.
“Misty, you rush too much!” mocked Mina.
Misty glared at her, “No move is faster than Teleport! I’m not rushed.”
Corsola fell into the lake.
“Gardevoir, use Shock Wave!” said Mina assertively.
Misty was completely stunned, receiving an electric attack to a water Pokemon is ghastly.
“Starmie, Swift!” said Misty.
Starmie shot its attack, but Gardevoir got a lead. Gardevoir already sent its electric blue beam on the water, electrifying Corsola. Corsola was electrified, and it hurt a lot. She fainted.
Misty recalled Corsola back to her Pokeball, praising it for its honor work.
“Corsola is unable to battle, it’s down to Starmie and Gardevoir.” cried Ash.
“How did you cause so much damage from one blow?” asked Misty mystified.
“At the beginning of the match, I signaled Gardevoir to use Calm Mind, it is a move that raises Special Attack and Special Defense.” remarked Mina. “Strategy is the key to battle.”
Misty stuck out her tongue at Mina.
“Now I know why it didn’t take so much damage from Hydro Pump, Gardevoir raised her Special Defense.” thought Misty.
“Take Down, Starmie, now!” ordered Misty.
Starmie is using a reckless attack, ready to take as much damage from Gardevoir as possible.
“Double Team!” said Mina quietly.
Twenty Gardevoirs appeared on the battle field, only one was real, Misty had no clue which one was the real one.
“WHAT! STOP USING STRATEGTIC MOVES!” bellowed Misty, furious that Mina is not attacking. “STARMIE, WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!”
Too late, Starmie hurt itself, recoiling a lot of damage.
Mina laughed loudly.
Starmie was soon back on track. “Hydro Pump on all of them!” said Misty loudly, still confused.
Starmie missed. Gardevoir then used Shock Wave, hitting Starmie directly. Starmie fell to the ground.
“Starmie, Ice Beam!” said Misty.
“Psybeam, Gardevoir!” said Mina.
Two beams met again, finally causing an explosion. As the smoke cleared, Starmie and Gardevoir were both okay.
Starmie used Ice Beam on Gardevoir, freezing her left hand. One Shock Wave from Gardevoir paralyzed Starmie.
“Double Team!” said Mina. This time, it only had three copies; Gardevoir was slowed by the ice.
“Surf!” said Misty.
“WOW! YOUR STARMIE KNOWS SURF?” asked Ash bewildered.
Misty nodded happily. Mina didn’t worry even a bit; she had, yet, another trick up her sleeve.
Starmie used Surf, a huge wall of water about to hit Gardevoir.
Mina looked at Gardevoir in the eyes, and said;
“Shock Wave.”
Gardevoir shot the unavoidable electric attack at miniature tsunami, and the electricity traveled through the water, hitting Starmie. Starmie cried in agony. It fell into the water. It fainted.
Misty lost.
Mina won.
Misty recalled Starmie immediately. She kept admiring Starmie and how well it battled. She slouched into the ground, stunned that she had lost. Mina screaming in happiness wasn’t helping at all; it just made her even madder than she was already.
“Gardevoir, you did it!” said the ecstatic trainer to its Pokemon. She hugged her Gardevoir. Gardevoir was very pleased with herself. Mina recalled her Pokemon with a massive grin on her spectacular smile.
Ash was still in shock, he was so wrapped up in the battle that he forgot he was commentating. Plus, he was very surprised that Mina won on him and Misty.
Mina’s a spectacular trainer that uses brilliant strategies to win her battles. She was certainly an advanced trainer.
Misty and Mina started at each other for a few seconds, but both ignored each other by looking away.
“She won, I lost. I don’t think I can face her again.” thought Misty sadly.
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It was already dinner time.
“Well here you go.” said Ash handing them each a bowl with pasta inside. “Why don’t we let all our Pokemon out?”
“Sure thing, Ash.” said Mina happily. “After all, my Pokemon worked hard to- she fake coughed, “Win!”
She had touched Misty’s nerve. Misty continued to eat her pasta angrily.
Ash called all his Pokemon out, Sceptile, Glalie, Crawdaunt, and Torkoal. Mina called her Gardevoir, Skarmory, Vaporeon, Houndoom, Steelix and Venusaur. Mina had an impressive squad. Misty then called out her Starmie, Corsola, and Kingdra. Azurill was sleeping, because it was only a baby. Ash saw that Corsola and Starmie were making peace with Gardevoir and Skarmory, no hard feelings after the match. Ash looked at the scene fondly, and then looked at Misty and Mina, why wouldn’t they be mature?
“What’s up Misty?” asked Ash nicely.
Misty glared at him, which indicated to him that he should shut his mouth, or else.
“Fine then.” said Ash in a hurt voice; he was only trying to help.
Misty didn’t seem to care that much, she was in such a bad mood because Mina won on the battle. Ash continued to talk with Mina; she couldn’t help but notice that what they were saying was reckless flirting. She threw her fork and her bowl next to a shocked Ash, and walked to her sleeping bag, and slept.
“Good night.” said Ash to Misty.
Misty grunted in return. She opened her sleeping bag and crawled inside her sleeping bag and recalled her Pokemon back to their Pokeballs so they could rest. She began falling to slumber land.
Ash and Mina looked at each other, at the same time, and blushed. They bid each other good night and slept.
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“Ouch! I need to use the bathroom.” said Mina.
Misty woke up, “Just pee in the water, stupid.”
Mina ignored her, “It’s not peeing, it’s the big one!” squealed Mina in pain.
Misty chuckled. “Just go behind the rocks.” suggested Misty.
“Could you come with me? I’m scared to go alone!” she confessed.
Misty agreed, even though she was mad that she lost, she did, and walked with Mina.
Mina went behind the rocks and let out a loud moan, followed by a very stinking smell.
“Oooh, Aaaahhhh, yeah! Come out. UHHHHH!” screamed Mina.
Misty laughed loudly, “Coming all right, you seem constipated!”
Misty put her T-Shirt over her face, the smell was unbearable.
“I’m so sorry Misty, but-UHHH!! It keeps coming and then getting stuck, as if a Drowzee is controlling when it decides to come out. UHHHHHH!
Misty didn’t say anything, but continued to laugh under her breath. She found Mina funny at times like this.
“I’m done, FINALLY!” said a relieved Mina.
Misty nodded.
They both bid each other good night, their relationship was starting to get better, but that doesn’t mean that they were not in for a lot of quarrelling.
They both slept well that night.
“Come on Mina and Misty!” screamed Ash.
Mina woke up, Misty jumped.
“I’m sorry, did I scare you?” he asked.
She put a fake smile, “No, Ash, it is natural for me to wake up every morning with a mild heart attack.” She said sarcastically.
Mina laughed loudly, but soon hid it; she knew that Misty and herself were competing each other for Ash’s heart.
“COME ON! We have to get to Pewter City; we just have to cross Viridian Forest.” said Ash rushed.
Misty and Mina changed into their traveling clothes, and had a quick breakfast. They all moved towards Viridian Forest.
They found the sign that said Viridian Forest was this way, and next to the sign was a teenage girl with brown hair and sapphire blue eyes. She waved at them with a huge grin.
Ash and Misty’s mouth dropped, completely shocked.
It was May.
Well guys i have finally finished Chapter 5 finally
The french homework was killing me! Thanks to EVERYONE who commented it meant a lot to me...
Here you go and hope you like it!
I dedicate this fic to Mina
CHAPTER 5: Lake Battle
Misty and Mina both were standing opposite each other; both of the teenagers have fire in their eyes. It’s just Misty and Mina, preparing to battle and Ash is the referee.
Misty smiled confidently, “You start first!”
“I know, ladies first, right.” grinning Mina, winking at Ash.
“Ignore her, Misty; she is just doing this so she could distract me and win, be strong, Misty, do not fall to her level!” thought Misty, to herself, determined not to lose.
“Skarmory, Steel Wing on Corsola!” commanded Mina; she then looked at Gardevoir, “You know what to do.”
Gardevoir just stood there, a look of extreme concentration.
“Corsola, Ancient Power!” demanded Misty.
Skarmory’s wing glowed white, and was already flying towards Corsola. Corsola began glowing red and blue, and jumped at Skarmory. Skarmory dodged it, and Skarmory bashed Corsola with its wing.
Corsola winced in pain, it was a direct hit.
Mina grinned, Misty frowned.
“Wow, her Skarmory has fast reflexes for a Steel Type.” she thought impressed.
“Gardevoir, Psybeam on Corsola!” said Mina.
Misty had to think fast, Corsola couldn’t take any more damage in such little time. And that Gardevoir has very high Special Attack, she was in trouble.
“Starmie! Swift attack!” said Misty immediately.
Starmie shot an army of stars from its jewel in the center, and Gardevoir’s Psybeam shot from her eyes, both attacks met in midair. The ray shaped stars and the rainbow psychic beam collided, but Psybeam was a bit more powerful, it was pushing Swift back to Starmie. It was still a distraction. At least, it still gave time for Corsola to recover a bit.
“Gardevoir, Psybeam! Skarmory, Hyper Beam, NOW!” screamed a fierce looking Mina.
“Two of her Pokemon know Hyper Beam that is really impressive.” thought Ash fondly.
The two beams combined making one super massive damaging beam that is heading right towards Starmie and Corsola.
Misty had to think really fast, this attack could be devastating. “Starmie, dodge! Corsola, stay your ground.” said Misty with a look of worry in her eyes.
“Corsola should not be in too much trouble, it’s part rock type, so Hyper Beam won’t have the same effect, but…Psybeam combined…” she thought worriedly.
Starmie quickly levitated away from the beam, Corsola staying her ground, scared.
Misty winced.
“Misty! What are you doing, why are you losing on purpose?” asked Mina curiously.
It happened.
The beams finally hit Corsola; huge clouds of smoke were in the air, blocking everyone on the field’s view.
Corsola was lying on the ground; just a push could take her out!
“CORSOLA, RECOVER, NOW!” bellowed Misty to Corsola.
Corsola winced, tried to move, it needed more time to use Recover, and Mina was not going to let it.
Skarmory needed time to recover, because it just used Hyper Beam, and it drains a lot of stamina.
“Gardevoir, Shock Wave!” screamed Mina determinedly.
“Starmie, Hydro Pump!” shouted Misty.
Starmie was faster, making it hit first. A huge jet of water was ejected from Starmie. It hit Gardevoir, hard. It got pushed back, elegantly though, wincing in pain.
Corsola started to glow rainbow, it was using Recover.
It was Misty’s turn to grin, and Mina’s turn to be grim.
“That’s pretty good Misty, I have to admit.” said Mina, not a trace of worry crossing her face, she seemed to not care what just happened.
“Skarmory, use Steel Wing!” ordered Mina.
“Corsola, use Spike Cannon!” Misty said heatedly.
This time, Corsola dodged the attack successfully. Corsola’s Spike Cannon hit Skarmory on its wings, making it move back, and losing concentration.
“Use Ancient Power!” Misty said to Corsola, looking determined.
Corsola began glowing, once again and hit Skarmory squarely on the stomach.
Skarmory was bashed into the rock, hard, breaking it. It fainted.
Mina recalled her Pokemon back to its Pokeball.
“Skarmory is unable to battle!” commented Ash. “So, it will be Misty’s Corsola and Starmie versus Mina’s Gardevoir. Let the battle commence!”
“I have this in the palm of my hands; I can’t believe Ash lost to her.” Thought Misty confidently, maybe a little too confident.
Gardevoir was standing gracefully on top of the rock.
“Corsola, Double Edge!” ordered Misty.
Corsola jumped her head lowered, ready to harm Gardevoir.
Mina grinned. “Teleport, then Psychic!” said Mina.
Gardevoir vanished in a second, and appeared in the next, standing in front of Misty.
Misty was shocked, she knew that it was a brilliant strategy.
“Misty, you rush too much!” mocked Mina.
Misty glared at her, “No move is faster than Teleport! I’m not rushed.”
Corsola fell into the lake.
“Gardevoir, use Shock Wave!” said Mina assertively.
Misty was completely stunned, receiving an electric attack to a water Pokemon is ghastly.
“Starmie, Swift!” said Misty.
Starmie shot its attack, but Gardevoir got a lead. Gardevoir already sent its electric blue beam on the water, electrifying Corsola. Corsola was electrified, and it hurt a lot. She fainted.
Misty recalled Corsola back to her Pokeball, praising it for its honor work.
“Corsola is unable to battle, it’s down to Starmie and Gardevoir.” cried Ash.
“How did you cause so much damage from one blow?” asked Misty mystified.
“At the beginning of the match, I signaled Gardevoir to use Calm Mind, it is a move that raises Special Attack and Special Defense.” remarked Mina. “Strategy is the key to battle.”
Misty stuck out her tongue at Mina.
“Now I know why it didn’t take so much damage from Hydro Pump, Gardevoir raised her Special Defense.” thought Misty.
“Take Down, Starmie, now!” ordered Misty.
Starmie is using a reckless attack, ready to take as much damage from Gardevoir as possible.
“Double Team!” said Mina quietly.
Twenty Gardevoirs appeared on the battle field, only one was real, Misty had no clue which one was the real one.
“WHAT! STOP USING STRATEGTIC MOVES!” bellowed Misty, furious that Mina is not attacking. “STARMIE, WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!”
Too late, Starmie hurt itself, recoiling a lot of damage.
Mina laughed loudly.
Starmie was soon back on track. “Hydro Pump on all of them!” said Misty loudly, still confused.
Starmie missed. Gardevoir then used Shock Wave, hitting Starmie directly. Starmie fell to the ground.
“Starmie, Ice Beam!” said Misty.
“Psybeam, Gardevoir!” said Mina.
Two beams met again, finally causing an explosion. As the smoke cleared, Starmie and Gardevoir were both okay.
Starmie used Ice Beam on Gardevoir, freezing her left hand. One Shock Wave from Gardevoir paralyzed Starmie.
“Double Team!” said Mina. This time, it only had three copies; Gardevoir was slowed by the ice.
“Surf!” said Misty.
“WOW! YOUR STARMIE KNOWS SURF?” asked Ash bewildered.
Misty nodded happily. Mina didn’t worry even a bit; she had, yet, another trick up her sleeve.
Starmie used Surf, a huge wall of water about to hit Gardevoir.
Mina looked at Gardevoir in the eyes, and said;
“Shock Wave.”
Gardevoir shot the unavoidable electric attack at miniature tsunami, and the electricity traveled through the water, hitting Starmie. Starmie cried in agony. It fell into the water. It fainted.
Misty lost.
Mina won.
Misty recalled Starmie immediately. She kept admiring Starmie and how well it battled. She slouched into the ground, stunned that she had lost. Mina screaming in happiness wasn’t helping at all; it just made her even madder than she was already.
“Gardevoir, you did it!” said the ecstatic trainer to its Pokemon. She hugged her Gardevoir. Gardevoir was very pleased with herself. Mina recalled her Pokemon with a massive grin on her spectacular smile.
Ash was still in shock, he was so wrapped up in the battle that he forgot he was commentating. Plus, he was very surprised that Mina won on him and Misty.
Mina’s a spectacular trainer that uses brilliant strategies to win her battles. She was certainly an advanced trainer.
Misty and Mina started at each other for a few seconds, but both ignored each other by looking away.
“She won, I lost. I don’t think I can face her again.” thought Misty sadly.
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It was already dinner time.
“Well here you go.” said Ash handing them each a bowl with pasta inside. “Why don’t we let all our Pokemon out?”
“Sure thing, Ash.” said Mina happily. “After all, my Pokemon worked hard to- she fake coughed, “Win!”
She had touched Misty’s nerve. Misty continued to eat her pasta angrily.
Ash called all his Pokemon out, Sceptile, Glalie, Crawdaunt, and Torkoal. Mina called her Gardevoir, Skarmory, Vaporeon, Houndoom, Steelix and Venusaur. Mina had an impressive squad. Misty then called out her Starmie, Corsola, and Kingdra. Azurill was sleeping, because it was only a baby. Ash saw that Corsola and Starmie were making peace with Gardevoir and Skarmory, no hard feelings after the match. Ash looked at the scene fondly, and then looked at Misty and Mina, why wouldn’t they be mature?
“What’s up Misty?” asked Ash nicely.
Misty glared at him, which indicated to him that he should shut his mouth, or else.
“Fine then.” said Ash in a hurt voice; he was only trying to help.
Misty didn’t seem to care that much, she was in such a bad mood because Mina won on the battle. Ash continued to talk with Mina; she couldn’t help but notice that what they were saying was reckless flirting. She threw her fork and her bowl next to a shocked Ash, and walked to her sleeping bag, and slept.
“Good night.” said Ash to Misty.
Misty grunted in return. She opened her sleeping bag and crawled inside her sleeping bag and recalled her Pokemon back to their Pokeballs so they could rest. She began falling to slumber land.
Ash and Mina looked at each other, at the same time, and blushed. They bid each other good night and slept.
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“Ouch! I need to use the bathroom.” said Mina.
Misty woke up, “Just pee in the water, stupid.”
Mina ignored her, “It’s not peeing, it’s the big one!” squealed Mina in pain.
Misty chuckled. “Just go behind the rocks.” suggested Misty.
“Could you come with me? I’m scared to go alone!” she confessed.
Misty agreed, even though she was mad that she lost, she did, and walked with Mina.
Mina went behind the rocks and let out a loud moan, followed by a very stinking smell.
“Oooh, Aaaahhhh, yeah! Come out. UHHHHH!” screamed Mina.
Misty laughed loudly, “Coming all right, you seem constipated!”
Misty put her T-Shirt over her face, the smell was unbearable.
“I’m so sorry Misty, but-UHHH!! It keeps coming and then getting stuck, as if a Drowzee is controlling when it decides to come out. UHHHHHH!
Misty didn’t say anything, but continued to laugh under her breath. She found Mina funny at times like this.
“I’m done, FINALLY!” said a relieved Mina.
Misty nodded.
They both bid each other good night, their relationship was starting to get better, but that doesn’t mean that they were not in for a lot of quarrelling.
They both slept well that night.
“Come on Mina and Misty!” screamed Ash.
Mina woke up, Misty jumped.
“I’m sorry, did I scare you?” he asked.
She put a fake smile, “No, Ash, it is natural for me to wake up every morning with a mild heart attack.” She said sarcastically.
Mina laughed loudly, but soon hid it; she knew that Misty and herself were competing each other for Ash’s heart.
“COME ON! We have to get to Pewter City; we just have to cross Viridian Forest.” said Ash rushed.
Misty and Mina changed into their traveling clothes, and had a quick breakfast. They all moved towards Viridian Forest.
They found the sign that said Viridian Forest was this way, and next to the sign was a teenage girl with brown hair and sapphire blue eyes. She waved at them with a huge grin.
Ash and Misty’s mouth dropped, completely shocked.
It was May.
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One thing that made this chapter stick out in my head and made me lmao was this:
ANYWAY....I'm sorry to say but the writing for this whole chapter was VERY awkward, like:
Keep up surprising me!
WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.............that was definitely unexpected....
ANYWAY....I'm sorry to say but the writing for this whole chapter was VERY awkward, like:
Next time you should maybe proofread it a bit more or you can PM me the chapter and I'll gladly proofread it for you if you don't have the time. Other than the battle scene the rest of the chapter was pretty...out there... and good.
Keep up surprising me!
PikamasterADV
No hero. Never was.
ALright, I'm playing catch up, here we go.
From Chapter 3:
Yeah... Steelix, on average is about 30ft long. (9.2 Meters exact). Unless it was an oddly small Steelix, that building should have been greatly damaged. Especially since Steelix has a body harder than diamond.
Now, I realize in shipping fiction, you've gotta push the envelope as far as characters go. But, this seems REALLY out of character for Ash (who becomes flustered when asked if he likes a girl, even). If this was Brock, I could understand, but...
As for Chapter three as a whole: It really expands the relationship that Misty and Mina are due to have. Unfortunatly, it seems like SHE's becoming a character who's sole purpose is to steal Ash away from Misty. Characters can be human and evil, too. And so far, Mina doesn't seem very... human.
Onto Chapter 4
Personal preferance thing, but this makes it seem like Misty said it, not thought it. Perhaps use Italics, or those < > things?
Up until this Point, Pikachu seemed to vanish! I was getting worried that you forgot all about it! Perhaps add Pikachu to some of the previous scenes. (Pikachu couldn't stay on Ash's shoulder while he's laughing.
As for Chapter 4 as a whole: Huzzah! Mina's a character! Yes. she's self absorbed, but now she seems to have human compassion! Great scene with Azuril. Are there any particular reasons for Mina's Pokemon Choices? So far, her team consists of Vaporeon, Steelix, Skarmory, and Gardevior. Any particular reasoning? Or is it 'names from a hat' as it were.
Chapter 5:
As far as we know, Misty's Corsola doesn't know Ancientpower, but that's just a pet peeve of mine.
LOL at knowing Hyper Beam being impressive. Not that it isn't in the Anime. But in the games, it ain't so hot. Moving on...
Well, more of a warning than "You know what to do" would have been better. That could have been Future Sight, for all we know when she first did it. EDIT: Also, Special Attack and Special Defense aren't mentioned in the anime, where you can't see level numbers or anything. Perhaps a vauger "it powered up Gardevoir's mental powers" would have been better, speaking inuniverse.
Since when did Corphish evolve? And where's Swellow?
All of these evolutions that pop out from nowhere are starting to bother me...
Normally, I'd be all "Yay! May's here!" but with Contestshipping popping up in the title now... I'm not so sure...
If Contestshipping does happen, then May shouldn't go with Ash/Misty/Brock/Mina to the Battle Frontier. Because Drew really has no business in a place ment for Battles when he's a coordinator.
On Chapter 5 as a whole: Good battle. I was hoping that Misty would lose, to show that Mina IS a powerful trainer. The inconsistancies bug me, so I hope they get sorted out.
Unless Contestshipping takes center-stage later on (upstaging Pokeshipping, even) you shoulf change the title to indicate "Pokeshipping, Slight Contestshipping." That's what I would do, anyway.
And now, back to writing my Advanceshipping.
From Chapter 3:
Yeah... Steelix, on average is about 30ft long. (9.2 Meters exact). Unless it was an oddly small Steelix, that building should have been greatly damaged. Especially since Steelix has a body harder than diamond.
Now, I realize in shipping fiction, you've gotta push the envelope as far as characters go. But, this seems REALLY out of character for Ash (who becomes flustered when asked if he likes a girl, even). If this was Brock, I could understand, but...
As for Chapter three as a whole: It really expands the relationship that Misty and Mina are due to have. Unfortunatly, it seems like SHE's becoming a character who's sole purpose is to steal Ash away from Misty. Characters can be human and evil, too. And so far, Mina doesn't seem very... human.
Onto Chapter 4
Personal preferance thing, but this makes it seem like Misty said it, not thought it. Perhaps use Italics, or those < > things?
Up until this Point, Pikachu seemed to vanish! I was getting worried that you forgot all about it! Perhaps add Pikachu to some of the previous scenes. (Pikachu couldn't stay on Ash's shoulder while he's laughing.
As for Chapter 4 as a whole: Huzzah! Mina's a character! Yes. she's self absorbed, but now she seems to have human compassion! Great scene with Azuril. Are there any particular reasons for Mina's Pokemon Choices? So far, her team consists of Vaporeon, Steelix, Skarmory, and Gardevior. Any particular reasoning? Or is it 'names from a hat' as it were.
Chapter 5:
As far as we know, Misty's Corsola doesn't know Ancientpower, but that's just a pet peeve of mine.
LOL at knowing Hyper Beam being impressive. Not that it isn't in the Anime. But in the games, it ain't so hot. Moving on...
Well, more of a warning than "You know what to do" would have been better. That could have been Future Sight, for all we know when she first did it. EDIT: Also, Special Attack and Special Defense aren't mentioned in the anime, where you can't see level numbers or anything. Perhaps a vauger "it powered up Gardevoir's mental powers" would have been better, speaking inuniverse.
I agree.
Since when did Corphish evolve? And where's Swellow?
Where did Steelix go?
All of these evolutions that pop out from nowhere are starting to bother me...
Normally, I'd be all "Yay! May's here!" but with Contestshipping popping up in the title now... I'm not so sure...
If Contestshipping does happen, then May shouldn't go with Ash/Misty/Brock/Mina to the Battle Frontier. Because Drew really has no business in a place ment for Battles when he's a coordinator.
On Chapter 5 as a whole: Good battle. I was hoping that Misty would lose, to show that Mina IS a powerful trainer. The inconsistancies bug me, so I hope they get sorted out.
Unless Contestshipping takes center-stage later on (upstaging Pokeshipping, even) you shoulf change the title to indicate "Pokeshipping, Slight Contestshipping." That's what I would do, anyway.
And now, back to writing my Advanceshipping.
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MistyLover
Banned
Corphish evolved. In the anime it was stupid by not letting Corphish evolve into Crawdaunt, so i evolved it? Swellow is back in the lab, there will be a new flying type coming..i already gave a clue on which one..
Oops, changed it back.
Yeah I will now.
You seem to be forgetting that there is a Battle Contesta in the Battle Frontier.....not only for trainers but also coordinators, which is my fic so i think is a good idea, right?
PikamasterADV
No hero. Never was.
This up coming rant isn't just for you: it's for everyone who decides to change the character's line ups.
What can Crawdaunt do that Corphish cannot?
The only thing the evolution 'gives' him is a Psychic resistance. And in the Anime, resistances aren't as great as they would be in the games.
Crawdaunt learns no moves unpreformable by Corpish, so his movepool doesn't extend. All you do is replace Corphish with a Pokemon you seem to like better. I'll go ahead and note that Corphish never tried to evolve: It may have never gotten the experiance needed (while that's hard to believe, Brock's Zubat was a Zubat until mid-Johto, despite being caught in Early Kanto.)
On that note, what can Kingdra do that Horsea cannot? Kingdra being stronger isn't a valid argument. If that's the case, Ash should have never gotten as far as he did in the Indigo League, and May should have never won a contest in Hoenn. Evolution doesn't really mean that much in the Anime, especially when characters end up winning with 1st Stages more often than not.
What can this 'new flying-type' do that Swellow cannot? Swellow has proven almost undefeatable, and knows the powerful Aerial Ace attack. Thunder Armor may have been cheap, but Swellow was strong enough to withstand the power of Pikachu's electricity when it should have succumbed, due to typing.
This is much like an Advanceshipping story that I started to read, but ended up stopping before I finished the first chapter. The story wanted the reader to believe that Ash somehow got a Salamence and a Flygon. What can they do that Grovyle (it was placedn in late Hoenn) or Swellow couldn't?
I guess I see no reason in replacing perfectly good Pokemon with others that the characters never really have owned.
Yes, that was a rant I've been saving up for a while. It bothers me to no end when perfectly fine Pokemon like Swellow, Corphish and even Pikachu (yes, I've seen it get replaced by Electabuzz before) get replaced just because the author doesn't think they're good enough.
Meh, end rant.
MistyLover
Banned
Wow you are making a big deal out of something small no offense at all, Swellow will still make an appearance, and whats wrong with Pokemon evolving???
At least Pikachu is with him!
Lol, don't take offense at rants, I think that when someone says they're going to rant and stuff it means in general and I'm afraid I kinda agree. It is annoying when you read a trainer's pokemon list and they are ALL fully evolved...you lose the good stuff like smallness and an unevolved pokemon can easily be stronger than an evolved one, need I mention Pikachu Vs Raichu and surge in kanto? ugh see, now i'm beginning to rant!
I'll stop that now...
Yeah back on topic your fic is really comming along but if you have time to proof read your fic, do so, you'd be amazed how many silly and stupid mistakes you make! And you can help the fic flow more. Plus it's fun! (I always forget what I've written so proof reading is like reading someone else's fic that I can improve!)
Keep up the good work!
I'll stop that now...
Yeah back on topic your fic is really comming along but if you have time to proof read your fic, do so, you'd be amazed how many silly and stupid mistakes you make! And you can help the fic flow more. Plus it's fun! (I always forget what I've written so proof reading is like reading someone else's fic that I can improve!)
Keep up the good work!
Artemis Ignitan
*~*Northwind Gale*~*
Like everyone else said, try to proofread.Take your time writing it, it will turn out much better. Like someone else on serebii forums said:
The storyline is good, however. It's just the akwardness that your grammar mistakes cause. Don't let this get you down. Keep writing!
The storyline is good, however. It's just the akwardness that your grammar mistakes cause. Don't let this get you down. Keep writing!
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Alright MistyLover in response to your PM, yes I did think this chapter had its funny moments (like Mina's sudden emergency ) You just need to work on the grammar a little bit more cuz sometimes the reader is distracted with how to follow the story with so many grammar mistakes that the humor is sometimes lost. With regards to the evolved pokemon... so what? Frankly, everyone has different views on everything and there's no way to please everyone. If the author feels like evolving one or two pokemon, then deal with it. It's there fic and frankly, they can do whatever the hell they feel like doing with it, even if you don't like it.
Looking forward to next chapter.
) You just need to work on the grammar a little bit more cuz sometimes the reader is distracted with how to follow the story with so many grammar mistakes that the humor is sometimes lost. With regards to the evolved pokemon... so what? Frankly, everyone has different views on everything and there's no way to please everyone. If the author feels like evolving one or two pokemon, then deal with it. It's there fic and frankly, they can do whatever the hell they feel like doing with it, even if you don't like it. Looking forward to next chapter.
OMg great chapter!!! Hey i have a question... ummm who exactly is Mina... in the show??? lol Sorry if i sound stupid, I don't seem to remember her... unless I'm stupid and this is just a made up character lol =p q bruta soy. Anyway, good chappy yey May is in it GO CONTESTSHIPPING!!!! ^^
Mariella
Mariella
MistyLover
Banned
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it makes me happy, and i promise i will proofread everytime now And Mina is a made up character, she was a girl i used to have a crush on......(weird huh)? lol
i will have chapter six in about three-five days cause i am swamped with homework...hopefully before, but i doubt it....
oh yeah update nov.8: chapter 6 is coming along fabulously and there is such a romantic scene with Ash and Misty..
And Mina is a made up character, she was a girl i used to have a crush on......(weird huh)? loli will have chapter six in about three-five days cause i am swamped with homework...hopefully before, but i doubt it....
oh yeah update nov.8: chapter 6 is coming along fabulously and there is such a romantic scene with Ash and Misty..
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