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Mending ~*pg-13*~

Brian Random

I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!
*Nods*

Nicely done again, LM. If I know Mewtwo’s character, he is a curious character… the way I see it, he probably doesn’t know about this feeling he’s going through but yet he’s experiencing it. That makes it a good plot.

;160; : “You’re talking about love, right?”

*Gives ;160; a thumb’s up.*

On the negative side, a couple of spelling errors here and there, but nothing big.

Overall: Hmm… not on my favourites yet but keep it up.
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
Funny how this chapter is a set up for the whole story and yet its the longest one yet.

:p fear me as I show everyone that I CAN WRITE LONGER THEN 5 PAGES!!!

Chapter six: Who. Are. You?


“I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano,-
A stage, where every man must play a part;
and mine a sad one.” ~ Antonio from merchant of Venice


A cool breeze blew through the little town as a small snow started to fall. The silent town seemed to be cozy and gentle as the citizens remained indoors on an early Saturday. Only a few children dared come out on such a cold day to play in the snow that still rested on the ground.

An old gray building stood against the snow as a single light came from a window. Through the blinds were closed you could see figures moving around within.

Entering the cool building, the heater having a hard time keeping the whole building warm, there is a waiting room and a front desk. It is old room with couches and chairs with a few toys for the children. The desk was close to a door where you would enter and go back to the examination rooms and a few offices.

The one room where the light was on became dark as the light faded and the door creek open. Stepping out was the good doctor, Timothy. The man ran his fingers through his brown hair and let out a deep sigh.

He looked up and saw the strange powerful pokemon leaning against the wall across from the room. Mewtwo’s head hung a little as he was dazing off from a long night of staying up and pinning Crow down.

Crow had woken up in the middle of her wing being bandaged. Not liking the fact of being lying down half naked in a strange place with a man she does not know she started to panic.

Mewtwo’s head hung lower and he jerked it up shaking it. Timothy tilted his head to the side eyeing the clone a moment before speaking.

“You can lay down you know” he suggested. Mewtwo jerked away and nearly forced Timothy back with telepathic force but froze and mumbled something in his psychic voice.

I will sleep when I am back to my territory. He grumbled out.

Timothy sighed as he looked back at the room; Crow was sleeping now, again. Her wing placed and now folded against her back ready to heal. He just hoped it would heal right; it had been broken for a long while.

Mewtwo followed the human’s gaze to the room and his eyes focused a little more on the door.

How is she? He asked his gaze softening a little.

“Alive” the doctor replied, “I was able to break her tempt and got her wing to place right after the third try.”

Mewtwo listened though his thoughts were ells where. He still seemed rather out of it and tired.

“Coffee?”

Mewtwo gave the human an odd look as he crossed his arms.
What?

“Would you like some coffee?” Timothy rephrased.

The clone looked back at the door before shrugging mentally not giving any other sign with his body.

I have never had coffee. But very well, lead human. Mewtwo nearly ordered still feeling very unprotected within these walls.

The young doctor did not like being ordered but headed off anyway leading the power house pokemon behind him.

Little fingers clasped the side of a corner where the hallway turned into another, green eyes peered around seeing the close was clear as the twelve year old girl made her way down the hallway. She held her camera in her hand as she glanced around as her hand gripped the door knob. With one more sharp look around Rachael entered the dark room and closed the door silently.


The only sound in the room was the harsh breathing that came from the being on the hospital bed. Crow was lying on her stomach her face turned to the side as she rested her head on a pillow. Her body almost nude but covered in a blanket as her wings fold out over it.

Slowly Rachael brought her camera up, knowing it wouldn’t get the best picture it would have to do. As she took it the flash went off and bright yellow eyes opened and focused on the child.

Rachael gulped stepping back but Crow didn’t move just watched the girl carefully.

“Do you know what you have done?” Crow hissed out slowly her eyes like daggers.

The young girl shook her head still to scared to speak, the eyes were diving into her, bringing up recent memories, searching seeking for information. Something Crow had not been able to do to Mewtwo and now must take what she can get.

“You have started something that now can not be stopped. Triggered the events that will unleash hell” her voice was deep and harsh, not belonging to such a young face.

Rachael was shaking as deeper memories were poured up. Like a movie they played and danced across her mind causing her to remember the good times and the bad all at once.

She wanted to scream but her voice had failed, she wanted to run but her legs were frozen.

She stared into Crow’s yellow eyes and suddenly the bird woman looked away and shut her gaze.

“Leave” she ordered.

Rachael was not about to argue. She bolted from the room and went the opposite way of where Mewtwo and her uncle had gone.

She slammed the office door closed as she leaned against it and whimpered her mind racing over and over again.

She knew very well what Crow was… Crow? Was that her name? How did she know that?

It seemed while Crow ripped memories of her mind she had gained some of Crow’s.

Rachael pulled the glasses off her face and whipped away the tears. She sniffled as she felt violated and torn, her mind aching from such abuse and torment.

The young girl stumbled forward her eyes tired and low to the ground as she bumped into her uncle’s desk.

She put her elbows down and placed her face in her hands as she rubbed at her temples.

Suddenly a loud ringing came to her ears causing her head to spin. Out of habit she reached out plunked the phone off the hook and brought it to her ears.

“Doctor Jekyll’s office, can I help you?” she rang sounding like she had said this many times before.

“Oh yes, I am professor Tow from the towns historical museum. I am looking for a Miss Jekyll?” the voice on the other line sounded old and almost creepy.

“This is she” replied the girl as her voice nearly cracked. She had plenty of practice at acting fine when she wasn’t. She wasn’t about to let anyone know how upset she was. But the crack came and the voice on the other line was silent.

“Are you alright?” the man’s voice came and Rachael mentally kicked herself.

“Yes, just stubbed my toe. How can I help you?” she said sounding wiser then her age.

“I have received you’re picture in the mail. At first I thought it was a hoax but studying the piece I must know. Where did you get it?”

Sniffling, the girl sat down in her uncle’s desk chair and thought for a moment. "I… I can’t say. I told you what I could in the letter…” she mumbled into the phone.

“I see, well I am sending one of my assistants over. I want him to talk to you if you don’t mind”


“NO!” she shouted nearly causing the old man on the other end to yell in pain. “I mean… no. I’ll um, come to you. Yes, tomorrow. I’ll come tomorrow at one?”

“…Alright. That will do. Please miss though; this discovery could be very good to all man kind. Mewtwo! Ha who ever knew?”

“Yeah…” she mumbled, “You wont tell anyone?”

“My dear lady, you think I am mad? Who would believe me even with this photo? Plus last thing we need is a panic. People panic very easily you kn-“

The conversation was cut off as the phone dropped from Rachael’s hand. Her gaze stared in horror as Mewtwo stood there, his eyes wide as well with something ells.

“Don’t give this guy coffee…” Timothy mumbled as he peered around to look at Rachael.

“What’s wrong girl?” he asked looking confused as Mewtwo’s eyes narrowed showing he was back to his old self as he walked into the room and suddenly Timothy felt himself shoved back and the door slammed shut leaving the uncle out of the office.

He banged on the door demanding what was going on but Mewtwo ignored him as he eyed the girl. Rachael was frozen in fear as she stared at the powerful pokemon as he stared back in anger.

Mewtwo lifted his hand his eyes glowing as they glanced over her thoughts at this moment. Unlike Crow it was impossible to tell when Mewtwo was reading a mind or not.

…Girl. Do you understand what you have done now? I can not remain here but I can not take Crow in her condition. You endangered me and yourself.

There are people in this world who would love to know I exist and gain my power. Do not open old wounds

Rachael was finding it hard to breathe as she stepped away from the desk and against the wall. Mewtwo mentally picked up the phone and slammed it down onto the receiver.

Mewtwo sighed as he walked forward and she pinned herself as hard as possible against the wall.

Calm down child, you are alive only because my anger is now under my control.

This did not make the girl feel any better as she sat down curling her arms around her knees and sobbed.

Mewtwo didn’t know what to do; he hadn’t ever had to deal with a child like this before. His first reaction was to just leave her but then instinct kicked in.

Child, cub, youngster hurt…

Mewtwo sighed and placed a hand on the girl’s head and drifted over her recent thoughts. He paused again and then dived deeper reading the recent memories of the day.

Mewtwo didn’t understand really but he saw what had happened to her when the girl had talked to Crow. His eyes grew angry but not at the child as he bent down swooped up Rachael and flung the door open with his powers. A confused doctor stood there as his niece was shoved into his arms.

Marching off Mewtwo headed down the halls until he stopped at Crow’s room. He closed his eyes Rachael’s memories still fresh in his mind, to say Mewtwo was frighten would be wrong, Mewtwo isn’t one for fear but to say he was… concerned. Yes that was what it was.

He reached his hand up and forcing the door to open slowly his hand aglow with his psychic powers. His violet eyes narrowed as he entered the dark room.

Crow had her eyes shut and seemed to be ignoring Mewtwo’s presence. She was trying to act as if she was sleeping but she wasn’t able to fool the clone.

What did you do to her? Mewtwo questioned as he stood in front of the hospital bed. Crow growled a little not opening her eyes as she fanned her one good wing.

“Does it matter?” she hissed out as she tried to keep herself from having to face the pokemon.

She is terrified. He growled at her anger rising.

“She shouldn’t be messing with things she doesn’t understand. You should be angry at her not me. She gave us away” Crow said calmly as he yellow eyes slowly opened and glanced up at the clone.

Mewtwo was silent as he looked down into her eyes seeming to be trying to understand what was going on. His eyes narrowed even more as he placed his hands on each side of the bed.

What are you?

“The question is… do you really want to know?” she replied slyly as she closed her eyes again.

Do not play with me, Crow. Do not. You are a danger to me and these humans.

“And exactly why do you care?” he mused seeming to be in thought now.

Because you are not human nor pokemon... I am sure of that now. And whatever you are… He stopped unsure of what ells to say as she opened her eyes again.


“Frightens you?” she finished his sentence. “The great all powerful Mewtwo is frightened of little old me?” he heard the amusement in her voice and the clone clinched his fists.

Do not mistake my concern or worry as fear or you will be greatly mistaken. Now answer my question. What. Are. You?

Crow opened her mouth to speak but it froze then closed as she shut her eyes, she winced as if she was in pain and clutched her hands onto the bed sheets.

When her eyes snapped open the golden yellow was mixed with red as she bared her fangs a low rumbling hiss escaping her

“I am the Omega, I am the end of a story, I am the one who takes away all hope, and I am the one that proves all wrong. I am everything you fear. No happily ever after, no goodbyes just the beginning of nothing” her voiced hissed there words across Mewtwo’s mind as the low raspy whisper seemed to send a cold shiver throughout his body.

Crow brought her hands up and covered her face seeming to be trying to hide. “I told you” her voice slowly was returning to normal. “I told you…”

Mewtwo stood there stunned, still unsure and still confused but he knew one thing.

He never wanted to hear that voice again.

Crow looked up at him over her hands her yellow eyes had returned the red gone, her whole body was shaking as she seemed to be remembering something painful. “Don’t send me back” she whispered, “I can’t go back. I CAN’T!” She forced herself off the bed the blanket covering her form falling as she ran to the nearest corner and bent down, the now naked woman let out a sob showing more to her then just a tough face.

Mewtwo stepped back, then another step.

By time Crow had looked up from her cowering she saw that Mewtwo had left her alone. She closed her yellow eyes again and began to cry.

~*~

I didn't proof read :p SO I BET THERE IS LIKE 500 typos and grammer mistakes XD

if anyone wants to take the time to correct them and then send me a corrected version yay I love you :p *needs to get a proof reader*

Also remember to vote for in in the pokemon awards thingy! *bribes with candy*
 
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Lily

you were the one.
I didn't proof read :p SO I BET THERE IS LIKE 500 typos and grammer mistakes XD
^ ...O.O Okie. Then I won't point out grammatical mistakes 'cuz you prolly already know. XD

Good chapter...I was surprised at Crow's behavior but then again that's what I expected. Rachel...don't know what to think of her. She captivated me with her childish simplicity, then again it was her fault. Mewtwo- ah, what can I say. His eloquence reminds me of Roy. *_*

No, seriously. It does.

T'was a good chapter. All I recommend is proofreading and yeah, it should come out great. =D! I really love Mewtwo's tone. It's like..so..like..authority-like. XD Nice job, Lolly. *lolly*



;172;
 

Valkyrie X

Well-Known Member
*gasp* An UPDATE!!!XD Great chap Lady Myuu, I loved it. There were a ton of grammar mistakes, though...So Crow's this Omega demon thing? Freaky.

;381;Lati_Lover;380;
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
Guess what I just forgot? I FORGOT TO DO THE LITTLE I THINGS TO MEWTWO'S WORDS!

*sob sob cry cry*

;; sorry people.

And Lily has agreed to be my proof reader for this chapter so be prepared for a better version... after I go kill myself

thanks for the reviews.
 
T

Twilight Absol

Guest
VERY original, great ideas, kinda like a continuation with a twist....
Besides a few missing commas here and there, I see nothing wrong, so I compliment you on your work
 
V

ViperSean

Guest
Very nice. Does Crow have multiple personalities or something? Grammar isn't as important as avoiding those little typoes that slip by by spellcheck. I have to admit though, consistently refferring to Mewtwo as "the clone" in previous chapters was kind of annoying, but maybe that's just me.
 

Psychic

Really and truly
*gasp, Psychic is coming out of the closet!*
*whacks annoying voice with a tikki torch*
Yea, well, Lady Myuu, I've been, gawd I hate this name, a, *dramatic pause*
closet reader. Dun dun, dun!

I have loved this fic, but for some reason I never actually posted, dunno why.
Anyways, melikes, its very interesting. Of course, there's like, 20 mistakes per Chapter which is driving me somewhere near insane, but the plot is good, and you have some good characters, very different.
The Omega? I'm not even sure what that is, but I get the idea.

Description's a bit lacking, but that's not a major issue here, so blah.

See, there's nothing to say exacpt "Don't type up your Chappies in the reply box!" Silly Myuu, you're gonna drive me crazy with all your mistakes! :p

Blah, keep up the nice work, but proofread what you write next time, PLEASE!

~Psychic
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
but I don't type them up in the reply box ;;

and gasp more reviews out of the blue that I didn't pick up on? You all make me blush and kick myself at the same time! *kicks* I know I really really need to start proof reading as my fic is starting to get more attention.

I tend to call mewtwo 'clone' as in a rp about mewtwos we used that term often and I'll try to tone it down. I am not big on description and the last chapter was missing more then I liked so yeah I'll try to do better.

Alpha = beginning

Omega = end

*reads Psychic's sig* hmmmmm


thankies for the reviews, making me want to write again :O looove
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
UPDATE WOOOOOOOO!! Do I take long or do I take long? :p

anyway, I was able to sit my butt down and write a decent chapter. I pmed this to psychic to proof read but I got bored and proof read it myself XD sorry Psychic, I had to much free time at the moment ^,^ the one I pmed you isn't complete as this one is.




Chapter seven: The calm (code name: end side plot start building main plot)


The old antique house stood against the forest that soon became a pokemon sanctuary. A sign out front read,

‘Gray Valley historical museum’

And then it listed tour hours and closing times.

It looked like a rather boring museum and unknown to most the professor in charge was quite knowledgeable about pokemon and the history of man with these creatures.

The old professor Tow sat upstairs this cold day as it was nearly noon and he was making sure everything was ready before he opened up for the day. His assistant was down stairs at the front desk ready to unlock the door when the time came.

Tow was an old man, around eighty, he had lost most of his hair and thick glasses nearly hung off his nose. Old brown eyes looked around a second before he lifted the photograph of the strange pokemon, Mewtwo, before him.

His heart almost skipped a beat at the thought of this creature still in existence. No he knew it was, he had always known.

A strange almost zap sound was heard and the doctor knocked on his hearing aids a little then blinked. His old wrinkled hands shook a little at the realization of something but he did not turn around.

“I knew no child could keep our meeting a secret” the old voice mumbled as Tow turned around to look at the tall purple clone. Mewtwo’s eyes narrowed a little as he raised his hand at the old man.

“So you are going to clear my mind like the others? Just as simple as that?” the old man chuckled.

Mewtwo lowered his hand but did not show any other sign of surprise.

What are you talking about old man? The clone snapped.

“Come now you don’t recognize me? I guess you were just a cub then before I retired.” Tow smirked one of those smiles only older people could do.

The fact that you know of my existence is enough to wipe your mind of it Mewtwo stated bluntly as his hand lifted again.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. But believe me Mewtwo, you need to be more careful with these mind swipes… you have become very sloppy”

Mewtwo glared his eyes glowing that soft violet before the old man’s gaze glazed over and the man made pokemon looked through the old man’s thoughts and memories before clearing out those that had to do with him.

The man nearly fell over from all that had been taken from him. Mewtwo lowered his hand slowly making sure the man did not fall and break something. He lowered him to the ground with a psychic grasp.

You were one of the few who escaped the island before my awakening. This does not matter for humans are too stubborn and cocky to believe any of your stories. When you awaken you will think that my experiment was a failure and I died along with the humans in the explosion at new island.


“Professor Tow?” called the assistant from downstairs, “Professor Tow its twelve, are you ready?”

Mewtwo quickly flouted the photograph of himself towards him and snatched it up in his three fingered hand. A second later the assistant stuck his head in seeing the passed out man on the floor.

Mewtwo was long gone.

~*~

The freezing hallways of the doctor’s office didn’t bother Timothy Jekyll. He wore simple clothing as a green sweater and jeans, nothing to doctor-y this day as well, business wasn’t really happening.

This town really needed to get over itself and move on…

Timothy gave a deep sigh as he sat the try of food down beside the door and pulled a pill bottle from his pocket, he dropped the pills inside the drink. The taste of the drink didn’t seem to bother Crow at all.

The doctor sighed again as he picked up the tray and slowly opened the door. The light had been broken when Crow realized she could throw things, they had to remove all dangerous objects from the room and even had to cover the windows with wood.

In a very loud tantrum Crow had somehow uprooted the examination bed and it lay on its side in the room. The winged woman then had made herself a ‘nest’ in the far corner away from the door using paper and two blankets. She was clothed now and her wing still placed and wrapped against her back.

“Crow?” the doctor asked as he didn’t enter the room very far, just enough to set the food down.

It had been two days since Rachael’s scare with Mewtwo and the doctor would not allow the child to come to the clinic while the monstrous pokemon visited. He wasn’t sure what Mewtwo did about the meeting with the professor but Timothy was not about to ask.

The doctor was going over the last two days when yellow eyes snapped open from the dark corner and a low hiss came across the room.

“Ssshhh, I’m not going to come near you. I just brought you some food. And look” Timothy reached into his pocket and pulled out an object almost everyone has seen, a flashlight, blue at that. “Do you want some light? It’s awfully dark in here.” With that a click was heard and a beam of light came across the room near Crow’s ‘nest’
The hiss grew louder as Crow covered her eyes. She then blinked and relaxed pulling her hands away from her yellow eyes.

“See? It’s not so bad to actually see now isn’t it?” the doctor chuckled as he rolled the object to his patient. The still lit flashlight stopped as it hit one of the woman’s blankets and she snatched it up and shined it at Timothy.

“Yes pretty light” Timothy said almost as if he was talking to a child.

“Ooh look at the pretty colors…” Crow rolled her eyes “Do I look like a three year old to you?” she snaps before turning her back to the human.
“Go away”

The surprised doctor blinked as he stood slowly, he hadn’t really heard Crow say much and somewhat thought she was rather naïve.

“Uh, I guess you are full grown err I mean, you’re not a child… just thought since you were acting like a wild pokemon….”


“If that is the way I am treated that that is the way I will act” Crow snapped back as she flashed the light at the doctor before grinning with amusement before turning the light off and curled her back at Timothy and fanning her one good wing.

“You know, I could treat you with respect and dignity if you gave me the chance” timothy mumbled before stepping in farther in the room. Yellow eyes snapped around looking over her shoulder.

“Keep you distance human, or I will take advantage of that open door” she growled out but she didn’t change her position or make any move for the door.

“You will do no such thing, you are in an unknown place and running would be foolish, that pokemon… Mewtwo would find you easily” Timothy said boldly as he took another step.

“I said stay back” she growled unhappily now facing the doctor fangs showing harshly.

The doctor froze not moving now as he stared at the woman’s eyes.
He froze and looked away from them, Mewtwo warned about her eyes, something about a mind grab that could cause a lot of pain.

Timothy really wished he was not in this room right now or in this clinic, he should have stayed in school longer.

“Crow” the doctor said calmly bending down. “Let me help you, I wont hurt you or force you to do anything you don’t want too”

The woman watched the man carefully and a second of glaring her gaze softened. She almost looked afraid and slightly lost at what to do.

She moved a little towards the human, he continued to hold out his hand and she was inching closer looking very spider like, not going onto her knees but bending down like an ape and moving her long legs like a spider.

She moved closer and closer her gaze up at his eyes and his at hers. He couldn’t believe she trusted him... coming closer.

Now that he got a good look at her, she was very beautiful; maybe she was so tough because she was lost and alone. She probably could be a very nice woman and maybe they could be friends…

“You are such an idiot!” hissed the winged woman as she grabbed the man’s arm and a few seconds later handcuffs were around his wrist and he was clamped to a bar on the examination bed leg.

“Wha? HEY!” Timothy yelled as he pulled on the handcuffed hand and growled angrily as he tried to grab at Crow as she darted for the doorway.

She stopped to stick her tongue out at the human, “Oh by the way, thanks for calling me beautiful!” with that the nearly giddy woman darted away down the hallways to her new found freedom. She wasn’t sickly anymore and though her wing was useless for flight the woman’s sneakiness and amused attitude were slowly returning.

She had kept those handcuffs hidden ever since Mewtwo left her coat in the room with her, she had been planning on using them for a long time now and here she was nearly free of that oversized fur ball and perverted human.
Crow ran with energy she had missed ever since she had come to this strange place, her yellow eyes shinning brightly in the dim lighting as she seemed to be overjoyed at her own cunningness.

Amazing how short lived it was as a hand grabbed at her; she turned and snarled as the twelve year old teary eyed Rachael held tightly Crow nearly dragging her along.

“Release me girl… unless you wish me to cause you harm!” Crow roared out as she pulled harshly nearly sending the blond girl flying but Rachael held firmly.

“Crow” Rachael said calmly, “If you run away now we can’t help you, you will freeze to death out there or starve. You are not fully healed yet!” Rachael ordered, her voice cracked a little showing she had been crying for a very long time.

Crow snarled again grabbing at the child’s neck. “I would rather die then be kept prisoner!”

“Then… if I asked you to stay, because it would make me feel better to know you were not freezing out there.”

“Then I would have to decline, you know what I am girl, you probably understand better then I do” The woman snapped as her grip around Rachael grew harder causing the young girl to gasp.

“Crow… I can’t make sense of what you gave me. The knowledge confuses me and I know you are just as confuse. You know what you are but then again it’s like you…I don’t know…I can’t make sense of it. Please” Rachael’s eyes overflowed with tears now, “Please don’t go, if you leave then I wont ever understand, the nightmares won’t go away and… and I can’t live with these nightmares”

Rachael was a sobbing ball of twelve year old girl as she now clung to Crow tightly sobs and whimpers escaping her as she would not let go of the winged woman.

Crow stood there stunned one hand around the girl’s neck still the other fallen to her side. Her one good wing ruffled a little as she pulled her hand around and placed it on the little girl’s head.

The woman was at a lost at what to do, she wanted to run so badly… she didn’t want to deal with this, this wasn’t her place, this wasn’t what she needed to do. She needed to escape…

“I have nightmares too” Crow mumbled a little. “They wont go away… and I couldn’t live with them either… that is why I am here” the woman wasn’t about to show anymore emotion, she felt cornered as while the cold heart of hers told her to run something ells tugged in the back of her mind… a memory of a past life…

The winged woman couldn’t make sense of it. Her gaze just stared down at the little child clinging to her, a child so frightened by never ending nightmares that she had given her.

Crow felt something build up inside at seeing this innocent life so shattered because of her, something she hadn’t really felt before.

She felt guilty. Down right guilty…

Crow started to cry. She had cried before when Mewtwo had cornered her, she didn’t really understand why she had cried then but she knew now why.

She was destroying something that barely had a chance to bloom. And it was all too familiar.

Crow and Rachael both cried, neither admitting why they felt like they could cry in each others presence, or the fact that they both were very much alike deep down. Or maybe they were very much different…

Maybe they were just alone.

It was at least half an hour until Mewtwo came onto the seen and watched in amazement as Rachael led Crow back to the room, to where she would stay until things could be figured out. Crow would not speak nor look at Mewtwo or Timothy. Her heart was heavy now with this guilt, while everything ells had told her to run…

A child’s broken soul was able to keep her from making a grave mistake that would have cost her, her life.

Rachael was far from recovery and Crow was far from letting anything past her guard… almost anything…

Mewtwo and Timothy were both silent as the man leaned in the doorway to Crow’s room. The woman was sleeping on her ‘nest’ and Rachael was sitting on the counter in the room. She was using the flashlight to write something down, her eyes were red from crying but she wasn’t opening up or speaking.


Mewtwo stood silently near by out in the hallway. His arms crossed and his gaze looking into the room. He was tempted to just read the human’s minds to figure out what happened but something held him back.

This was something to deep and dark for him to just take from them; something was going on, something in the air… and it wasn’t natural…


But at the moment everything was calm.

Too calm.


Chapter eight: Before

the next chapter really will set up the main plot and the one after that will dive into it like jumping off a waterfall :D
 
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Valkyrie X

Well-Known Member
Very nice chap Lady Myuu. You forgot to put Mewtwo's lines in italics, and there were a couple of small punctuation mistakes here and there, but it was nonetheless good. I can't wait for the next chap; keep it up.

;381;Lati_Lover;380;
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
I'm gonna have to start making a check list XD

I keep forgetting the italics! Its like a curse or something. Hey only a few this time? YAY PROOF READING WORKS XD

I wasn't as happy with this chapter as I could have been, wasn't as smooth as I hoped for but since I wrote it on a writers block that happens.

I thought all my readers died ^.^';; thanks for reviewing, its good to leave in a few grammar mistakes then people can review and point them out :O ok no I don't mean to leave them in :p

*goes off to edit* VOOM :D
 

Brian Random

I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!
Sorry that I didn’t review your last chapter but I have been a little bit busy. So, to make you think that I’m interested in your fic I’ll review two chapters.

Chapter Six
The actions and the characters are well described but I only spotted one grammar error.

I have never had coffee. But very well, lead human.
That didn’t sound right. I think it should be, “I never had coffee but very well. Lead, human.”

Chapter Seven
Once again, the actions are well described and the characters are kept with their personality (Ace!) but there were a few spelling mistakes. For example: You’ve spelled ‘ells’ when it’s supposed to be ‘else’.

Plus, there are some commas and full stops that needs to be placed, like these:

Yes pretty light” Timothy said almost as if he was talking to a child.
Yes, pretty light

“Go away”
I think it should be “Go away!

Also, I noticed that you didn’t do some line spacing when it came to characters talking to each other, which is another error. There’s more, so I think you should proof read.

Apart from the negatives, as I’ve said before, I found the action well described and highly interesting. I look forward to more.
 

Psychic

Really and truly
That was good. Not too much action, but it was still good.

Yea, there were a lot of mistakes, most of which should have been found by your computer if you had typed it on Microsoft Word or whatever. I dunno if you used it or not, but there were just a good bunch of mistakes.
You kept forgetting to end sentences when someones was speaking (unless that was intentional) and you often forgot commas. A few weirdly spelled words like 'ells' like Powell said.
I'll stick this on word and try to find everything for you.


Keep up the nice work, though!

~Psychic
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
want to know a funny thing?

I wrote this whole thing on word. Truth.

I was hoping chapter seven turned out a little less buggy with the others (cuz I did proof read for once) but ah well I need to grow more pa.. not even gonna try and spell it. One of my words I never can remember.

At least I'm doing well with keeping characters to well as they are. Funny how whenever I leave on a trip I get reviews *plans on leaving more often*

action starts after the next chapter.. though now I am kinda fearing my ability to write it.

first thing I thought when I saw my new reviews: 'My best critics! they know better then to just give me a pat on the back :D'

<< *pats self on back* now to find the insperation for the next chapter and not wait another two months, eh?
 
M

Mighty Hyena

Guest
Great story! You've obviously got a good plot worked out already. Your writing style is clear, although you could be a bit more descriptive at times and a bit less at others (we already know Mewtwo is a 'kangaroo-cat thing', you don't need to repeat it every chapter ;) ).

My problems are with the characters.

On ff.net I read a fic called 'Forgotten'. While it was M-rated, it was eerily similiar to yours: angsty, confused Mewtwo, angsty, confused human-Pokemon hybrid with repressed memories and a severe attitude problem and immense power. Mix together, simmer, creepy citrus scene. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that - unfortunately, Crow is hardly an original character.

Although she's NOT a Mary-Sue, I would still take the litmus test and answer as honestly as possible, assuming that she's a human. http://www.angelfire.com/gundam/otto/grayswandir/mary-sue-test.html

She takes the typical turn of toughie-is-softened-by-kids-or-true-love. What you need to remember is that she is a scarred character and NOTHING except for intensive therapy (usually) will fix that. Unfortunately, people always forget that when they're writing stories.

I'm NOT saying that you wrote a boring or cliched story - far from it, it's an interesting story that I will definately keep on reading, you just need to refine it a bit more and work out a few tangles. Your plot so far is solid and that's the most important part, the characters just help to keep it real. I know how hard Mewtwo is to write, having tried and failed. Keep on writing, and don't ever give up just because someone like me comes along and talks a lot, lol ;) Good job!

6.5/10, and it can be improved a lot if you just fixed some grammatical and spelling errors that you already know about :)
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
whoa, whoa, whoa, slooow down there.

Don't jump the gun on Crow just yet, Rachael only broke one wall and thats because of reasons you have yet to know. My computer with this story on it is broken and I am unable to write it atm but whoa o_O random review I wasn't expecting XD

To tell you the truth this story was inspired by another but lets just say it takes a way different turn around the chapter after the next and strays off into other unpokemony things.

and yeah I wanted the dark sad depressed character gets softened by the kid moment in my story :p

according to that test all my characters I have ever made have been marysue/joestu or whatever XD woot I must be a horrible character creator :D

oh and also according to that test... LOL
 
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M

Mighty Hyena

Guest
Don't worry, Crow can be saved very easily. If she had purple eyes and blonde hair and was 200 but looked 14, THEN you would be in huge trouble :) When will more chapters be up?
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Mighty Hyena said:
Don't worry, Crow can be saved very easily. If she had purple eyes and blonde hair and was 200 but looked 14, THEN you would be in huge trouble :) When will more chapters be up?
Would you please take a nice, biiiig steaming cup of STFU and sit over in the corner and stop frelling preaching? Crow is NOT a Mary Sue. Just because she's an OC, is not human and or pokemon, does not instantly class her as OMFG SUESUESUE!

So shut the **** up and stop trying to claim my friends' character is one. And if you wanna ***** about it so much, go find some reeeaaal Mary Sues.

Oh, and that test, sucks ***. I'm sorry, but that test isn't even for ALL AROUND FANFICTION. That's for crap fiction. Or Gargoyle Fanfiction. Or whatever the **** it was made for. So trying to fit a Pokemon Story to those rules in that test, is ****ed. Seriously.

So plz get off yo soap box and preach elsewhere, kthxbai.

Edit: Oh, and if you try to claim my characters are Mary Sues, I laugh in your face like I was when Myuu showed me your first post. You are biased reader btw >3
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
wow um, :p now you know you don't want Ren on your bad side.

on a side note please don't start a flame war.

~

The chapters are being proofread and edited at this moment, so my next big update will probably have a new chapter PLUS new refreshed chapters thanks to Renegade here who is taking her time in helping me with looking them over.

I am hoping that new cleaned chapters will help me feel more inspired to write. I have the start of the next chapter written but finding that its rather hard for me to continue the story for some reason @.@ stupid writing groove.
 
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