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Misfits: A Story of Powers Lost and Powers Gained

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Ace of Shades, Aug 16, 2011.

?

Is my fan-fic good?

Poll closed Sep 17, 2011.
  1. Amazing!

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. It's good but not the best

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. It's ok

    1 vote(s)
    100.0%
  4. I don't really like it

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  5. It's horrible

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Ace of Shades

    Ace of Shades Well-Known Member

    Misfits
    The story of powers lost and powers gained
    Chapter 1: Power Outage

    Jackal slowly stood up from his small bed in the corner of his room. As he stretched his legs he heard a commotion from outside. He hurried out to check on it because he was the sheriff of the valley town of Little Brook. As he ran through the halls of his house he knocked down a picture of himself as an Electrike I'll clean that up later he thought.

    When he exited his house in front of him was a very odd scene. There was the local bully Allen, a Weavile, with his gang of Sneasel trying to attack someone a completely normal event. What made it odd though was the victim, Karine a Hypno as well as a witch doctor. Karine was usually very secluded from the rest of Little Brook and only came out on rare occasions where he was usually avoided. “What did you do to me?” Allen Screamed this as he held up his claws that were usually razor sharp but were now blunt and rounded.

    “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Karine yelled back.

    “You know perfectly well,” said Allen “You took my powers!”

    “I have no such skill” responded Karine.

    “Fine then Sneasel, get him.” Allen said with a smirk.

    As the Sneasel sped towards him their claws glinting in the sunlight. Jackal realized he had to stop this now. He jumped in front of Karine closed his eyes and yelled “Thunderbolt!” He stood their pushing the electricity through his body towards the Sneasel. When he heard the laughs he knew something up. He opened his eyes and saw the claws ripping through his body bloodying his fur.

    “Looks like our little sheriff has also been stolen from” Allen smugly stated.

    “Stand aside” said Karine as he used Brick Break on the Sneasel. He then used Brick Break on Allen and dragged him over to Jackal. “Where do I take him?” he asked.

    “To the prison,” Jackal replied “could you also take me?”

    “Of course” said Karine.

    When they arrived at the prison the most unexpected thing happened a group of Pawniard ran out of the prison and cut off Karine’s head, the blood gushing out every where leaving a sickening smell. “Karine!” shouted Jackal as he and Allen were promptly thrown into a cell together. What on earth is happening? he thought as he passed out and just out of the corner of his eye he saw a dark figure laughing. The mayor.

    When he awoke Jackal saw Allen sitting on a bed eating some kind glop. Then he remembered He was in jail! quickly he stood up sending a sharp pain through his left side. “Slow down your gonna hurt yourself more” Allen said without any sense of concern. Jackal looked at his side and noticed the large bandage.

    “What happened?” he asked.

    “Don’t you remember?” Allen replied “after we were lugged to the prison your friend was killed and that crazy mayor tossed us in here.”

    “Why would he do that?” Jackal wondered aloud.

    “Why don’t you ask him for yourself?” A low gruff voice came from behind them.

    “Let me out of here!” Allen jumped from the bed pointing his blunt claws at the mayor’s face. A hand shot up grabbed the hand and twisted it. “Ahhhhhh!!!” Allen Screamed a hot searing pain shooting all throughout his arm.

    “Get off him” yelled Jackal. After the hand let Allen drop Jackal asked “Why did you put us in here?”

    “For our experiments, many pokemon have been randomly losing their powers all throughout the world.” The shrouded figure known as the mayor replied.

    After the mayor left Jackal walked over to Allen and whispered in his ear “Let’s break out.”

    Drdj11
    Bronzong #1
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2011
  2. Charmanderman

    Charmanderman Orangu

    Nice idea, don't really know much of what's happening or what will happen next. I seems a little rushed, and the chapter is REALLY short. So, add more description and more of what's happening. And one more thing.

    INTRODUCTION:
    You need to introduce the characters. Jackal, what's Jackal? I'm gonna assume he was a Manectric due to the Electrike picture thing. Same with the mayor, unless he was supposed to not be revealed yet that is...But all in all, a pretty good fanfic, I'd like to see more soon.
     
  3. Ace of Shades

    Ace of Shades Well-Known Member

    Just to let you know Chapter 2 will be up either today or tomorrow and I have added a PM list
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2011
  4. Drdj11

    Drdj11 Eins,Zwei,Drei

    Add me to the pm list.
     
  5. Ace of Shades

    Ace of Shades Well-Known Member

    Chapter 2: Break out

    As Jackal and Allen sat in the corner of their dingy cell planning the break out day turned to night and their plan set into motion. As Jackal went to the window of their cell to watch for the mayor on his daily night path Allen went to the cell door. There Allen started to talk to a particularly fat Munchlax on guard. “Hey can I get some of that popcorn?”

    “Why… would I… give you… any…?” asked the guard between chews.

    “Well I’m hungry and you don’t need any more weight” Allen harshly stated.

    “Why you” the Munchlax stood up, angrily throwing the popcorn on the, and walked over to Allen. When he stopped a few feet away he began to shout “Flamethr-“. A loud crack rang threw the prison making the other prisoners stick their heads out looking to see what was happening. When Jackal turned his head he saw Allen rubbing his claw and the guard limp on the floor.

    As Allen smirked and said “Ouch” Jackal’s head whipped back to the window. What he saw worried him deeply. It was the Mayor walking through the moonlight towards the prison like every night, but earlier than usual.

    Jackal turned around and ran towards Allen “Hurry he’s coming!”

    “Ok, ok” Allen reached through the bars and grabbed the keys. He quickly found the right key and unlocked the door. After getting out he split the keys in half and gave one half to Jackal.

    “Good idea, a distraction” Jackal said as he started to unlock cell doors by the time they let out all the fugitives the Mayor walked in the door.

    By the time the mayor realized what was happening a Mightyena already shouted “Charge!” and a herd of pokemon was on top of him.
    ***​

    As Allen and Jackal ran towards the bathroom they heard a commotion from behind. They both had a feeling of rejoice until Jackal scented the Growlithe coming. “Hurry!” With a new sense of urgency they both ran as hard as possible. When they arrived Allen started to smash the tile flooring with his blunt claws. As he did that Jackal locked the door and pushed against it so it didn’t break in. After the tiles were smashed they switched places and Jackal started to dig away the dirt. After the dirt was cleared and they came to a pipe Allen smashed open the top and they jumped in. As they did the Growlithe broke open the door and followed.

    Allen and Jackal could hear the splashing footsteps in pursuit of them growing closer. At the very last corner Allen stopped in front of Jackal. “What are you doing!? GO!”

    “No, you end here” Allen punched Jackal in his wound sending up a hot searing pain.

    “Urghhhhhhh!” Jackal collapsed as Allen ran the last corner. Jackal tried to stand up but he couldn’t take the pain. He knew his end was near. Something unexpected happened as he started passed out from the pain. Something that looked like an arrow flew by his head and stopped the Growlithe in their tracks. Then something grabbed him it looked like it was holding a knocked out Allen as well. That was when he passed out.

    ***​

    When Jackal awoke he saw the moon in its full glory surrounded by stars. He looked down and saw a burning fire. Next to the fire was Allen and with was the local noble. Lady Anne a Ledian.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2011
  6. Ace of Shades

    Ace of Shades Well-Known Member

    Chapter 3: Misshapen Royal

    Lady Anne awoke to the rays of sunlight shining through her lace window curtains making an intricate pattern across the floor. As she slowly sat up in her four poster bed she tried to fly hoping that today it would be easier. Of course it wasn’t. She had been like this the past few days unable to use her powers and skills. Fearing that someone wanted to destroy her and she would not be able to defend herself she hired more guards but also had a special tool made.

    The tool was made beautifully and to give her the ability to defend herself in emergencies. It was crafted of a curved rod of white ivory and connecting the two ends was a tightly strung Suicune hair. Along with it were wooden rods tipped with a sharp piece of metal and at the end there are a Rainbow wing and a Silver wing on each side and a notch. To attack with it she would have to notch an arrow on the hair, pull it back, and let go. She decided to call the ivory a bow and the rods arrows after their crafter.

    She stood from her bed and began to walk towards the door and her morning class of orphans. As she did that she heard a commotion from outside her door. Slowly opening the door she peeked out and saw a group of bug Pokémon yelling and running towards the front of the palace. She looked towards the back of the palace to see what they were running from and the scene in front of her was frightening. There protecting the Bug Palace were a group of Surskit and Masqeurain bodyguards fighting of Cyndaquil and Quilava.

    She quickly ran to her closet and grabbed the bow and a quiver of arrows. Then the slightly opened door suddenly was wide open and the occupant raced down the hall, up the stairs, and through a door. In the room were the only two orphans who still attended Lady Anne’s classes, the others had slowly disappeared after Anne started losing her powers. The two were Valerie the Evee and Darrell the Cubone two opposites. While Valerie is always battle ready she is delicate and weak Darrell is a pacifist but very strong. “Lady Anne we need to tell you something!” They both shouted as Lady Anne burst in.

    “Not now children we have to get out of here” replied Lady Anne.

    “But it is really important!” insisted Valerie.

    “Yes Lady Anne it is” agreed Darrell.

    “Later, for now get out the windo-” Lady Anne had started pushing them towards the window.

    “We’re the same as you!” the two young Pokémon interrupted as a Quilava burst through the door. The Quilava quickly used a Flame Wheel on Anne. Right as it was about to hit though Valerie jumped in front of her both being knocked into the wall. The Quilva quickly grabbed both the children and ran towards the main door looking to escape.

    Lady Anne followed after it yelling “Get back here!!” As she ran by the Throne Room she saw 3 Cyndaquil confronting her dad. Her path had then changed and was headed straight for the villains. Time slowed down for Anne as she grabbed her bow and an arrow and shot it right through the head of one the blood squirting out onto the Persian rugs. The next one she shot was on the dead body of her mother it was hit in the butt causing him to spin of the body because of hitting the incorrect spot she had to shoot another arrow to kill it. As she turned to kill the last one she saw her father’s dead body drop to the floor. Anne dropped her bow and rammed into the Cyndaquil she then took her last arrow cruelly mutilated it.

    Remembering Valerie and Darrell she ran to the open front door of the now empty palace. From there she could see a small dust cloud, most likely the Quilava, heading down the path going towards town. When it arrived in town it went to the back of the prison and stopped Anne could now see the figure of Quilava. There he met a dark figure, the Mayor, and together they entered the prison.

    Anne sat there watching the sun move through the sky. Eventually around sunset the guilt of not trying to help more once they got away overwhelmed her too much. She decided she had to help. She grabbed her bow and her arrows and set off for the prison.

    ***

    As Anne walked on the side of the ravine, separating Little Brook and Bug Palace, opposite the prison she saw a figure standing in one of the drainage pipes. Using all her strength she flew over and grabbed him. Further back she heard a noise hoping it was another person who might help her she flew in and rescued the Manectric the entire time the Weavile struggling in her hand. She grabbed the Manectric and flew to a secret spot. By the time she got there Anne couldn’t feel her arms.

    ***

    “So that’s my story,” she said to Allen and Jackal, “will you help save them?”

    Notes:
    1. Remember I have added a PM list
     

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