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monsters. [oneshot]

Dramatic Melody

Dramatic Melody

mud?
I really like your use of description, Ejunknown. It makes the reader invested in what you're describing, but at the same time it's not over-the-top that it becomes tiring to follow it. It's just the right amount, and it really grabs your attention when you make bursts of it, like this one:

With a whisper, her eyes closed with shaking finality.
Click to expand...

Damn that line is good. Haha.


I'm also a bit confused as to what really is going on, but part of me wants to say that that's what you intended. Still, there's that fine line between mystery and vagueness, and I think you dance a little too close to that line, especially with "Cabin Fever". Of course, this could be my fault for not understanding it well enough, so you can just ignore this comment. XD

Good two-shot, though, and I see that you have a third planned? Hopefully it'll be even better. =)
 
S

Sgeckledorf Spoongeblorb

Banned
****ing amazing oneshot.

You are truly an inspirational writer, and your dark, realistic view on the idea of a Pokemon Journey is truly epic. Albeit overdone.

I liked how you kept the identity of the killer very vague in the first oneshot.

I'll make a second review of the second part later.
 
E

Ejunknown

be creative
>u< Thank you so much for the reviews!

Thanks Dramatic Melody! xD There is a third part to this, that I had started when I had written the second part, and should probably have been within the second part... It should be up soon! That should bash out the vagueness of this so far...
 
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