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More Than A Fight

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by GoldenNoctowl77, Sep 18, 2005.

  1. GoldenNoctowl77

    GoldenNoctowl77 Back in Business!

    Well, I have decided to start another Pokemon fic that will be completely original. I know you all are tired of reading normal trainer fics where the goodie-too-shoe trainer runs around collecting badges. If so, then you'll love this fic. Read it and see how it is different. Chapter 1 is really just the Prologue, but I hope you enjoy it.

    Chapter 1: A Time for Change

    The old blue minivan sped through a forest road that had just been hit with a rain shower. The vehicle’s mud-soaked wheels splashed water from puddles as it made its way through the foliage. A young teen, seventeen years of age, peered out of the fogged passenger window. A frown was spread across his tan face and his eyes were fixed on the gravel that continuously changed below the car. The boy lifted his finger and began to write on the window, taking one eye and looking back at the driver. His mother peered at him through pale green eyes. Her brown hair flung around her neck as she turned her attention from the road to look at her son.

    “Cedric, please don’t write on the window. I’ll end up having to wash it if you do,” she said with a tone that indicated she was tired of scolding the boy. Cedric’s eyes squinted and he placed his finger down. He turned towards the woman seated next to him and rolled his blue eyes.

    “You wouldn’t need to discipline me so much if you would have just let me go off to become a Pokemon trainer when I was ten,” he said trying to remind her again of what she had done. His mother took one hand off of the wheel and spread her fingers through her son’s light brown hair.

    “Don’t do that mom. I have enough trouble getting it to sit right,” Cedric scowled and grabbed her arm. His mother pulled her hand away and stared at him.

    “Honey, Kanto is a very dangerous region. I couldn’t just let you up and leave me. Who would of taken care of you?” she asked while placing her free hand to her bosom. Cedric inhaled as much air as possible and then released it in a massive sigh.

    “That’s what is wrong mom. You treated me like a child seven years ago and you still do it today. I need to get out of here,” he stated and looked back out the window.

    “Paige is coming home tonight,” his mother tried to change the subject. Paige was Cedric’s older sister. She was now twenty-four and had gotten a job as an Alternative Battle Consultant.

    “Yeah, she gets to travel the world recruiting and testing trainers to become alternative battlers,” Cedric remarked and tapped his finger against the window.

    “Cedric, cut it out!” his mother shouted and then recollected herself, bringing her voice back to its caring tone. “Paige went through four years of extensive training and schooling. She has been properly educated to handle the world-”

    “You don’t need schooling to take care of yourself mom. One day you’ll realize that,” Cedric back-talked and drew a circle on the window with a tiny smirk. His mother let off a sigh and placed both hands back on the wheel.


    “Cedric, dinner’s ready! Get down here!” the voice of his mother rang up the stairs and into the teen’s room. Cedric, who had been laying belly-up on his bed and reading a book, turned over and placed his feet down to the floor. He yawned as he pushed his spiky hair back with his hand and stood up, throwing the novel to the floor in the process.

    The doorbell sounded downstairs and the familiar chime rang out. Cedric heard the front door swing open and then the shrieks of joy from his mother echoed throughout the entire house.

    “Paige! Oh my god, it’s so good to see you! Come in sweetheart!” his mom said with so much love that it made Cedric wince. He looked into his dresser mirror, pulling an eyelid down with his finger and pushing his face closer into the mirror. Cedric was very well built. Because he was a seventeen year old in the Kanto region with no Pokemon, he spent most of his free time exercising.

    All of his friends had left seven years ago to start their Pokemon training. The only teens that remained in the little town of Lavender were gothic kids that didn’t want to conform to the training of Pokemon. Cedric did not want to be seen with them. The only reason he was still in Lavender Town was because his mother was what the dictionary would define as paranoid. If you don’t believe this, take into account that his mother would walk around town with Cedric on a leash when he was a toddler. It was that bad.

    Cedric walked casually down the hall and to the top of the stairs. He recognized the blonde hair poking out of the purple, cotton, beanie cap right away. Paige was being held tightly by his mother, and she wasn’t trying to break away. Cedric couldn’t help but grin at the differences he and her shared. Paige embraced the fact that her mother showed extra concern, but he appalled it.

    “How’s life sis?” he asked walking down the stairs.

    “Cedric! I’ve missed you a lot!” Paige broke away from her mother and met her brother at the bottom of the steps. Cedric pulled back, surprising his sister. He then let off a smirk and pushed forward to hug her.

    “Always the joker now aren’t we?” his sister laughed and let her brother go. Paige was a very thin girl. She wasn’t malnourished thin, just petite thin. Her chest area was decently sized which aided her in charming men. Cedric couldn’t help but notice the many different boyfriends she had when she lived at home. Sure, he had his share of girlfriends, but his amount never came close to the significant others that she had.

    “So, how’s life with Pokemon?” Cedric inquired while the three went into the kitchen.

    “It’s amazing! After dinner I’ll show you my partners in crime,” Paige replied and sat down at the table, her dark blue eyes peering around at the food her mother prepared.

    “Ha, mom wanted to make enough food for us all. I think she overdid it,” Cedric joined her at the table.

    “Now now, we can never have too much food,” their mother stated while pulling a chair out to sit. The front door opened again and Cedric looked up to see his father walking into the kitchen. He was garbed in a suit coat with a scarf around his neck. He also sported a rimmed hat that covered his balding brown hair.

    “Man, this Autumn is colder than ever!” he said as he took his hat off and placed it on the counter top. “What’s for dinner Mary?”

    Cedric’s mother glared at her husband and then motioned to Paige. “Roger, look who showed up this evening,” she said.

    “Paige, darling!” he said and quickly ran to hug his daughter. “Taking a break from your work I see.”

    “Yep, I don’t have to recruit alternative battlers every second of the day,” she replied with a giggle. Cedric smirked at this comment.

    “Why would anyone want to be an alternative battler anyways when they can train Pokemon for fights that they were meant for?” he asked and plopped a mound of mashed potatoes into his dish with a large serving spoon.

    “Because sometimes competing in contests of skill is more exciting than battles of power,” Paige informed him. “I get more pleasure from watching a flying Pokemon compete in a contest of catching a ring before its opponents in a Pokeringer competition than I do in a flying battle.”

    “Well I think you’re alone on that one,” Cedric replied.

    “Now now, I agree with Paige. Who wants to see two creatures partake in a vicious fight when they can just do healthy competitions of skill?” his mother interrupted. “What do you think Roger?”

    Cedric’s father took his seat at the table but made no motion to speak. He didn’t like to get involved with the family squabbles over Pokemon. He was a human physician, which was not a career that should be worrying about small monsters.

    “So mom still won’t let you leave to become a trainer?” Paige asked Cedric while passing the string beans to her father.

    “Nope, the world outside of Lavender Town is too big and scary. Isn’t it ironic that we live in a ghost town with a haunted building and yet the surrounding places are dangerous?” Cedric stated sarcastically. Paige shot a grin to her mother, who returned it with the same enthusiasm. They seemed to know something that Cedric didn’t.

    “You gonna’ let me in on what’s so funny?” Cedric inquired.

    “In due time brother,” Paige replied.


    “Miltank, I choose you!” Paige yelled tossing a small red and white sphere into the air. The Pokeball landed on the damp backyard grass and rolled across some fallen leaves. It then burst open in a flash of red light. A large pink Pokemon appeared and placed its hoove-like hand against its stomach. Its head was a blackish color, its belly was beige with four nipples protruding from it, and it had a long tail that ended in a black sphere. It let off a little moo and then sat down on the grass.

    Cedric sat off to the side with his arms folded. He was shivering underneath his black jacket as he watched Paige show off her Pokemon.

    “Cedric, this is Moomie. She was my first Pokemon and a gift from Alternative Tech for graduating,” Paige explained. Moomie wagged its long tail and then laid down on its side.

    “That Pokemon is really cool. Can it battle well?” Cedric instantly asked, eager to find out if his sister was in Pokemon battles.

    “Well, Moomie is trained more for the rollout race competition than battling, but she can handle herself in battle,” Paige replied. “I have two other Pokemon to show you as well.”

    Paige reached into her waist pack and pulled out two more Pokeballs. She took the small spheres in between her fingers and fiddled with them until they grew. She then tossed both into the air, allowing them to erupt in a set of crimson lights. A medium sized blue sea lion Pokemon sat on the ground. It opened its large mouth and barked before pulling up and clapping its fins together, exposing its beige belly. Its face was covered by a bushy, white mustache.

    The second Pokemon was a small, furry, purple insect. Its eyes were red and separated into columns.

    “I’d like to introduce you to Leo and Nappy,” Paige said and held out her arm as if to show them off.

    “That’s a Sealeo and that’s a Venonat, right?” Cedric inquired. His sister nodded immediately, her blonde hair blowing with the cool breeze.

    “Leo is a master at the ice sculpture competitions and Nappy can really find hidden treasure with its echolocation techniques,” Paige explained. “I use these Pokemon to test trainers that I find and see if they have what it takes to become alternative battlers. If they can keep up with my Pokemon, I offer them a registration card that allows them entry into the alternative battle competitions all over the region.”

    “That sounds slightly exciting,” Cedric lied through white teeth. He then noticed that his sister had another Pokeball in her pack. This one was completely white with a small black section on the top and red areas on the very top and the two sides.

    “What kind of Pokeball is that?” he asked and walked over to her.

    “That would be a timer ball. I had to throw a lot of those to capture the Pokemon in that ball. The timer ball increases the chance of catching a Pokemon depending on how long the battle goes,” Paige explained and gripped the ball in her hand. She pulled it out and juggled it between her hands.

    “Why aren’t you showing me what’s in that one?” Cedric wondered.

    “Oh, because I don’t own this Pokemon,” Paige responded. Cedric was slightly confused.

    “You caught it, so why don’t you own it?” he asked.

    “Because you do,” she replied and tossed the ball towards him. Cedric’s eyes widened and he clasped the timer ball in his left hand.

    “But mom won’t let me have a Pokemon!” he said and held it back for her to take.

    “I talked it over with mom. She said that you could come along with me on my job. She thinks you will make an excellent alternative battler and I agree,” Paige informed her brother with a large grin.

    “An alternative battler? Why can’t I become a trainer?” Cedric instantly barked and glared at his sister.

    “Cedric, you have to learn that there is more to Pokemon than just battling. They can be used for all different types of things. I want you to become an alterative battler so you may comprehend this. That isn’t to say I won’t allow you to get your battling fix.”

    Cedric looked down at the timer ball that contained his Pokemon. This could be his future.

    “Come on Ceddy, why do you think I came all the way back home? I knew you were miserable here without a life of traveling. It took me a long time to convince mom to let you go!” Paige said, her hands now on his shoulders. “Open that timer ball up and meet your new friend.”

    Cedric smiled and pressed the switch on the ball. It popped open in his hand with a sparkling flash of white light. A small duck Pokemon formed on the ground. It was a mahogany brown with a gold chest and light orange feet. In its large beak was a green stick that Cedric recognized as a leek.

    “That is a Farfetch’d,” Paige remarked. “And not just any Farfetch’d; that one is shiny.”

    “Farfarfar!” the fowl Pokemon said while placing the leek into its wing. Cedric squatted down and inspected the creature. He had never seen a Pokemon quite like it.

    “Well now, what do you want to nickname it? Your Pokemon has to have a name,” Paige asked. Cedric continued to stare at the creature.

    “FAR!” It quacked and brought its leek down on Cedric’s head. The teen toppled back and glared at the Pokemon.

    “It just frickin’ hit me!” he said in shock. Farfetch’d began to laugh and then strutted around the field. It approached Moomie and smacked its stick into the cow Pokemon’s massive bulk. Moomie didn’t even seem to notice and continued to lounge.

    “I think I’ll call it Wacky,” Cedric said looking up at his sister. “That Pokemon is insane and it likes to whack people.”

    “Nice choice,” Paige replied and offered her hand to him. Cedric took it and she hoisted him back up. “Well, you better bond with Wacky tonight. We leave in the morning.”
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2005
  2. xXSaberXx

    xXSaberXx xxxXsightless




    There were some minor mistakes, like Le dad guy saying 'diner' instead of 'dinner' and 'do' instead of 'due', but WHO AM I TO CRITISIZE?

    Can't even spell critize today. xP

    This is going to be very, VERY kick patooie. I can tell. The fact alone that he started with a Shiny Farfetch'd is an extreme turn on.

    You=Teh Awesome.

    The Alternative Battling intrigues me espcially, and I can't wait to see more.

    Till then!

  3. Darato

    Darato (o,..,o)

    I like it so far Cedric and his sister are like me and my sister. And did you get Cedric's name from Cedric Diggory
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2005
  4. Kiyohime

    Kiyohime Well-Known Member

    Alternative battling...wheeee, originality. And a shiny purple duck smacking people with leeks makes for good comic material, I suppose. xD

    There are times when your description could be smoother, such as when you described the Miltank. It seemed a little choppy, and the sentences could have been combined. Also, as Saber's already pointed out, you made a few minor typos, but nothing too drastic. At one point, you spelt 'leek' as 'leak.' XD
  5. GoldenNoctowl77

    GoldenNoctowl77 Back in Business!

    Thanks for the reviews guys. I have looked over all your criticisms and edited the chapter to fix them. Thanks for catching the things that I didn't!

    I'm glad you liked thr first chapter. I know there wasn't really a lot of action, but I was trying to set the mood that Lavender Town was as uninteresting as Cedric found it. Chapter 2 will liven up a lot and Cedric will not be so monotonous. I hope you guys continue reading! Also, if you like this fic, you might want to check out Search for Knowledge. That is my trainer fic that is known to be extremely funny :)

    And yes Fat Man David, Cedric had an influence on the name I chose. LOL, he is my favorite minor character in Harry Potter :p
  6. Yuugis Black Magician

    Yuugis Black Magician Well-Known Member

    Congradulations son, you have just received the "YBM likes this so much he is going to not take this off of his Instant E-mail Notification list" award, good job, you deserve it.


    By the way, I like Trainer fics....
  7. GoldenNoctowl77

    GoldenNoctowl77 Back in Business!

    Ha, I like trainer fics too. That is why I'm writing one. There is just so many of them that I thought I would start an original story. :)
  8. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    And here come the...HIGHLIGHTS!

    That line made me lose it. "Slightly exciting"... XD

    Priceless! You know, anyone who just goes around hitting people and things with a stick is automatically going to remind me of Cartman...Why, if Wacky could talk..."NO CEDRIC THAT'S A BAD CEDRIC!!!" *dies*

    One plus side of alternative battling is that it offers a different challenge for each Pokémon, so with multiple Pokémon, Cedric could end up doing all kinds of different things, as opposed to just having a battle...and then another battle...and then another...So, yeah, this is definitely going to be one to watch. ^_^
  9. GoldenNoctowl77

    GoldenNoctowl77 Back in Business!

    Well, since I have a lot of people that enjoyed the first chapter, I managed to work my *** off to finish chapter 2. I hope you like it!

    Chapter 2: Leaving the Nest

    Paige had recalled her three Pokemon and went inside the house, smiling to her brother as she closed the screen door and headed to visit her parents. Cedric returned the gesture with a happy nod. He and his sister were always very close growing up, and it took a lot out of him when she left. Part of the reason was because she was the only person he could hold meaningful conversations with, and the other reason was because he was completely alone after she had gone.

    It surprised him that his sister would push his parents to allow him to leave though. After all, she had never mentioned anything to him about becoming an alternative battler in the five years that she had been gone. Now, out of the blue, she showed up and presented him with a duck Pokemon that liked to beat things with an onion leek.

    “Hey Wacky, have you ever been in a Pokemon battle? Like, in the wild or something?” Cedric asked the bird as it strutted around the backyard. Wacky didn’t pay much attention to his trainer. Instead, he waddled towards the fence that surrounded the yard and banged his leek against the separate wooden posts. Each one made a different noise and Cedric could tell his Pokemon was trying to create a rhythmic beat through it.

    “What do you say we go into the more populated parts of town and have some Pokemon battles?” Cedric suggested, walking over to his new friend and spreading his palms wide. Wacky continued to play the fence and Cedric decided to pull the timer ball out. He didn’t quite know how to recall a Pokemon, but he saw Paige simply press the switch and say return.

    “Return Wacky,” the teen chirped while holding the ball out and pressing the button. It popped open again and a white light enveloped his Pokemon. The Farfetch’d was sucked inside and the ball clasped shut once more.

    “Just because I have to be a alternative battler doesn’t mean I can’t have a little battle fun,” Cedric said to himself as he peered at the timer ball in his hand. He had made up his mind. He was going to head into town to battle some of the trainers. He had waited seven years for this, and he wasn’t about to let it slip away.


    “So, how did Cedric take it? Is he willing to become an alternative battler?” Paige’s mom asked while sitting on the sofa in the living room. Paige joined her and let off a smile.

    “He did want to become a trainer, but I think he’ll learn to appreciate the finer things in alternative battling,” she replied. “He already named his Pokemon. I gave him that shiny Farfetch’d that I told you about when I called to let you know I was coming. He seemed to like it.”

    “Well that’s good,” her mother said with a smile. The two turned when they heard the sound of newspaper shuffling. Roger was busily looking at the articles through rimmed spectacles.

    “Well, both our children are leaving us tomorrow Roger. It’s just going to be me and you for awhile,” Mary said with a sigh.

    “Doubt it,” Roger spoke without looking away from the paper.

    “Why do you doubt it?” Mary inquired.

    “You’ll stop Cedric from going the morning he plans to leave. You seem set on letting him go now, but remember when we bought the pool for the backyard? You canceled that the day after, and you canceled the new BMW that I ordered for you as well. Your indecisiveness will keep the boy here forever,” Roger answered.

    Mary gave her husband a disgruntled look and then turned back to Paige.

    “He’s just grumpy from a long day’s work. I let you leave for your journey, remember?” she seemed to be looking to her daughter for support.

    “Well, you did cling to my arm and cry hysterically mom,” Paige responded. “And I seem to recall shrieks of ‘don’t go, for the love of god stay here where I can protect you.’”

    Mary’s mouth began to quiver a bit and then she stood up. Roger did the same and went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

    “Cedric is old enough now. He knows the rules and will be a good boy. And tomorrow, he is leaving with you,” Mary stated to Paige.

    “Cedric isn’t leaving tomorrow. It appears that he started early,” Roger said coming back into the room. “He’s not in the backyard and his bike is gone.”

    Mary’s eyes went wide. She looked at her husband for some sign of what to do, but he didn’t seem to even care.

    “Get my coat Paige. We’re going to find my boy,” she whispered as calm as she could.


    Cedric stopped his bike by a large telephone pole and wrapped his bike lock to secure it in place. He was old enough to drive, but his mother had made it clear that driving was the root of all deaths, and she wasn’t going to allow her boy to be killed when transportation could be found in the form of a bike.

    He was now in the larger part of Lavender Town. The Lavender Radio Tower stood high in the distance. It used to be a cemetery for deceased Pokemon, but the town government had decided to turn it into something a little less creepy about ten years ago. Employees in the tower still claimed that it was haunted though.

    The teen began to walk down the street, pushing through crowds of people that were bunching up near the shops. It was the month of October, and Halloween was approaching fast. Lavender Town went all out for this holiday. The shop windows were decorated with festive items and the candy shops were jammed packed. Banners rose above the streets that read “Happy Halloween.” Cedric had spent so much time in this town that he was growing bored of the holiday. Leaves rolled along the road with the Autumn winds and almost everyone was wearing heavy clothing.

    Cedric knew exactly where he was going. Trainers didn’t stay long in Lavender Town. It was one of the few places in Kanto that did not have a gym, and so most people stopped for a short time at the Pokemon Center and then headed west for Celadon City. The Pokemon Center was the only place that he had any hope of finding a trainer to battle with.

    “Mom, I want to be a Gligar for Halloween! Can I?” he heard a young boy ask his mother while tugging on her dress as they walked by him. He remembered very well when he was that excited for the holiday. That was when he was ten though. He was now almost an adult and didn’t get much into the dressing up part of Halloween. His mother still liked to buy him random costumes during the season though.

    The Pokecenter was just ahead across a busy street. It was one of the largest buildings in town aside from the Radio Tower. It’s roof was bulky and red and the bricking was white. There was a large sign that read Pokemon Center above the sliding glass doors. Cedric had only been in here once before, and that was several years ago.

    He walked up to the sliding doors, stopping to allow them to open up. He walked causally into the lobby to find many trainers conversing amongst themselves. It looked as if the place had remodeled since the last time he came. It now had a lounging section with assorted chairs and couches, and the front desk had been moved from the back wall to the middle of the lobby.

    A woman with reddish hair that was curled into two rings behind her walked towards the teen. Cedric knew this was the registered Pokemon nurse of Lavender Town. She was wearing a pink dress with a white apron with a red cross on it. On her head was a white hat with the same cross.

    “Can I help you?” she asked with a grin spread across her face. Cedric was a little scared by the fact that she seemed so polite and helpful. If he had to help kids all day he would probably have put a gun to his head long ago.

    “No thanks, I’m just looking around,” he replied and walked over to the lounging area. He heard a young girl with curly black hair screaming for the nurse as he went.

    “Nurse Joy, my Raticate has a toothache. Come over here and fix it now!” she yelled, stamping her foot on the ground. Without the slightest hint of annoyance, Nurse Joy turned to help the child.

    “Well, well, what do we have here?” A boy said looking at Cedric. He stood up from the chair that he was sitting, sprouting up to a tall height of six feet, four inches. His hair was spiked to the front and it was completely green, an odd color for a boy to have. He was also extremely lanky looking.

    “Are you a trainer?” the boy inquired Cedric.

    “My name is Cedric Darino. I’m looking for a Pokemon battle,” Cedric said and stepped up to the kid. Several of the other trainers began to laugh.

    “You have no idea how to challenge someone, do you?” the lanky teen retorted with a grin. “My name’s Malcolm Jovial, and I’ll take you on.”

    “Then let’s get this started,” Cedric grinned. He had waited forever for this moment, and he was now about to engage in a battle with an actual trainer.

    “Follow me to the battlefield then, noobie,” Malcolm responded. A lump formed in Cedric’s throat. He had been so eager for a battle that he never took into account how experienced this trainer might be. He couldn’t back down now though, not after getting so far.

    Malcolm walked outside and crossed the street. There was a small field on the other side of the road.

    “Well, this looks decent enough,” he remarked while kneeling down to inspect the terrain. Cedric noticed that other trainers were filling in around the two. He had seen many Pokemon battles, and was well aware that trainers liked to see two people face off.

    “Is a one on one match okay with you? It should be, you look so new that you probably only have one Pokemon,” Malcolm barked, placing a skinny hand through his green hair.

    “Fine by me,” Cedric replied. His knees were beginning to buckle and he was starting to have a bad feeling about this. He had seen enough battles, however, to know how to start it off.

    “Wacky, I choose you!” he yelled tossing the timer ball onto the field. He heard Malcolm’s laughter ring out at the name and watched his duck Pokemon form on the grass.

    “Farfar-fetch’d!” the duck quacked and placed his leek into his mouth.

    “Well, in that case, I choose you Steelix!” Malcolm roared with a grin. His Pokeball left his hand and landed in front of Wacky. In a burst of red light, a serpent of energy rose from the opened ball and formed into a massive steel snake. Its head was gigantic and bulky and its body was formed from large chunks of metal. Wacky was about the size of one of the monster’s teeth.

    “Your move noob,” Malcolm stated and folded his arms. Cedric was sweating hard. This opponent was way too much for him, but he had to try.

    “Wacky, use peck!” he demanded. The Farfetch’d ran towards the metallic snake and pushed his beak into the creature’s bulk. Steelix bellowed a bit and then yawned, pushing Wacky off of it and sending him rolling backward.

    “Wow, I don’t even have to attack. That Farfetch’d is hurting itself by just attacking,” Malcolm laughed. Cedric clenched his fists with anger. If Malcolm knew that he wasn’t an experienced battler, why didn’t he go easy on him? Wacky stood back up and glared angrily at the steel type. He quacked and tossed his leek up towards the Pokemon’s face. The stick hit Steelix’s upper lip and tumbled back down to the ground.

    “Steelix, use iron tail!” Malcolm ordered. The steel Pokemon bellowed and its tail began to glow. The massive appendage swung towards Wacky, who was now looking on with frightened eyes.

    “Stop the battle. That is enough!” Cedric heard Paige’s voice through the crowd. She stepped onto the battlefield, her blue eyes glancing between both battlers. Steelix’s tail stopped glowing and the Pokemon slithered back towards its trainer.

    “He wanted a battle, so I gave him one,” Malcolm responded. He pulled his Pokeball out and aimed it at his Steelix. A red light enveloped the creature and sucked it back inside. The trainers began to crowd around Malcolm and laugh, and they then headed back toward the center.

    “Are you insane? You challenged an opponent that had a Steelix with Farfetch’d? Even an experienced battler would have trouble with that fight,” Paige shrieked and walked up to Cedric. He allowed his sister to vent her rage. He knew that what he had done was foolish and stupid.

    “If you want to battle, I see no problem with it. But you can’t go off challenging trainers that have a great deal more experience than you,” she continued. His mother stepped up behind his sister with a worried look on her face. She already thought battling was dangerous, and it didn’t help that Cedric’s opponent was a thirty foot long snake made of pure steel.

    “Maybe you aren’t ready to go with your sister,” she said with her hands cupped together.

    “Mom, don’t tell him that. He’s leaving with me tomorrow whether you like it or not. I’m going to teach this boy that there is more to Pokemon than just stupid battles. He needs to know this,” Paige told her mother and then turned back to her brother. “First off, Farfetch’d is trained for the Pokeringer Competition, not for extensive battling. You’ll have to teach him that on your own time.”

    Cedric nodded and turned to see Wacky waddling toward him. He took his leek and bashed him in the shin with it. Cedric winced with pain, but knew he deserved it.

    “Alternative battling is a joke. A Pokemon can’t become strong through that crap,” Paige heard Malcolm’s voice from behind her. The other trainers began to wail with laughter. Paige turned around and glared at the boy.

    “Oh really? Want me to prove you wrong?” she asked taking out a Pokeball. “Cedric, get off of the field. This kid needs a lesson about skill.”

    Cedric nodded and walked towards his mother. She had her hands to her chin and was whimpering uncontrollably. Wacky joined him at his feet and continued to bash his shin.

    “Leo, come on out!” Paige roared tossing her Pokeball to reveal her sea lion Pokemon.

    “Seal seal!” he barked and clapped his flippers together.

    “Steelix, we have another challenger!” Malcolm responded and threw his Pokeball to reveal the massive snake once more. “We’ll show her skill! Use iron tail!”

    “Leo, slide to the left and send an ice beam onto Steelix’s tail!” Paige countered. Steelix brought its massive glowing tail towards Sealeo, but the Pokemon slid along the ground and managed to avoid the attack. Steelix brought its tail back up and Leo launched an ice beam, covering the Pokemon’s appendage with a thick sheet of ice.

    Cedric did not know what his sister was planning, but she seemed to know exactly what she was doing. She was eyeing a metal pole near the sidewalk with a grin on her face.

    “Leo, tackle Steelix’s tail into the pole,” she ordered. Leo clapped once more and then slid towards Steelix.

    “Use rock throw,” Malcolm countered. Steelix roared as boulders broke up from the earth and flung toward its opponent. Leo launched an ice beam at the ground and slid between the crashing rocks, dodging each one with little effort. He then leapt up and smashed his tail into Steelix’s, sending the icicle into the metal pole. Steelix tried to pull away, but the cold air frosted over the ice on the Pokemon’s tail and trapped it to the pole.

    “Now, use surf,” Paige ordered. The Sealeo barked vigorously as water appeared underneath him. Leo was lifted into the air by the wave and rolled towards Steelix. The Pokemon tried to break away, but it was securely fastened to the pole. The water crashed down on it, soaking into the steel and drenching the rocky core that was underneath. Steelix bellowed and crashed onto the ground, its eyes closed and its body limp.

    “How’s that for skill?” Paige asked her opponent. Malcolm stood wide-eyed at his fallen Pokemon. Leo let off an ice beam towards his trainer and slid to her on it. She gave her Pokemon a high five and turned to her brother.

    “Stick with me and you’ll learn the best of both worlds,” she commented with a wink.


    “NO!” Cedric’s mom shrieked as her two children headed for the front door. She gripped her son’s green and white button-down shirt and pulled him backward. The teen fell down and gripped his knee through his dark blue jeans.

    “Mom, we have to go,” Cedric informed her.

    “But who will cook for you? Who will make sure you’re safe?” she wailed.

    “I will,” Paige said pointing to herself. Her purple beanie was fastened over her blonde hair and she was wearing a black track jacket over a purple shirt. She had on a pair of black capris.

    “But, but,” Mary cried, trying hard to come up with an excuse to keep her children home. Cedric walked up and hugged his sobbing mother. He then walked to his dad and did the same.

    “Have fun son. Listen to your sister. She knows best,” Cedric’s dad said and smiled at Paige. She nodded and held open the door as Cedric walked out.

    The two headed down the steps and onto the sidewalk, looking back once more to see their mother clawing at the screen door and crying hysterically. It was a nice Autumn day out and a cool breeze blew. It was the perfect day to leave the nest.

    “Well, I’m going to have you and Wacky trained up for the Pokeringer Contest by the end of the month. They are holding one in Cerulean City in November,” Paige remarked when they were at the end of the street. “And if you’re lucky, Wacky will also be an experienced battler by then.”

    Cedric smiled at his sister, knowing that she had saved him. Seven years of waiting, and he was now living his dream…
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2005
  10. xXSaberXx

    xXSaberXx xxxXsightless


    Jovial....x3 Means happeh.

    Anyhoo, that was extremly good. I like the Paige's UU pokemon. o_O Sealo!!!!!!!! ROCK ON! xD

    Nah, but seriously. The moves of a battle would do well to be capitalized, that way you know you arent talking about an aspect of the pokemon's body, Like Iron Tail, than you are ordering it to attack. Just my preference.

    All in all, it's getting great! Good job! *thumbs up*
  11. Kiyohime

    Kiyohime Well-Known Member

    o.o Jesus, I feel bad for the mother.

    There are some parts I noticed that could have been executed better, such as this:

    "He allowed her to yell. What he did was foolish and stupid."

    It sounds a little contrived, and awkward. Try to make it more inuitive, such as...

    "Cedric allowed her sister to vent her rage. He knew that what he had done had been foolish and stupid."

    You also tend to use full stops (short sentences that sound awkward) try to merge them into longer sentences by using conjunctions...for example, the very last three phrases in the chapter. ^.^;
  12. GoldenNoctowl77

    GoldenNoctowl77 Back in Business!

    I'm glad you caught that! LOL. I made that his last name on purpose to see if anyone would ask me why a character like that would have a last name that means he's cheerful. LOL.

    Thanks for the review and kind words. Hmm, I never even thought about capitalizing attacks names. I'll see what others have to say and take it into consideration.

    Scrap, thanks for the pointers as well. I have made the edits that you mentioned to the chapter to try and beef them up. Did you like the chapter though? LOL
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2005
  13. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    So, Cedric finally managed to escape...Honestly, I'm amazed Mary didn't try to tackle him to the ground at the very last second.

    There was something very satisfying about Steelix getting its butt handed to it, I must say. Meh, I just really like seeing great big Pokémon getting spanked.

    ...Wait, that sounded wrong...o_0 Bah, you know what I mean! :p

    Something tells me that you would not want to point out what "Jovial" means to Malcolm himself, though...
  14. Yuugis Black Magician

    Yuugis Black Magician Well-Known Member

    Helpful tips from my three years of writing:

    -Spell Pokémon, Pokémon, to do the é, just hold down Alt and hit 130 on the keypad.
    -Capitalize the names of attacks, items, and Pokémon.


    What's to say, it was brilliant. The characters of Mary, Cedric, and Paige were loveable, Mary reminds me a lot of Shinshi's wife on Patlabor (voiced by Veronica Taylor, who's voice I used in my head for the character). Malcolm was funny, I liked the battles, of course. Good work, keep it up man.
  15. indigestible_wad

    indigestible_wad Well-Known Member

    What about Apocolypse Rising? And I thought you said you had grown bored of pokemon, what's with this new story? Well, I guess it's your choice; I'll get around to reading it when I have time.
  16. Darato

    Darato (o,..,o)

    I told you some of what i like about CH:2 already.


    I must say it was a very good idea having him run off. Then his sister coming and beating Malcolm.

    And i another thing i love about the story is. He's just like me his mom and sister are the same as my mom and sister. And also will go off and try to beat some one stronger then him.
  17. GoldenNoctowl77

    GoldenNoctowl77 Back in Business!

    Ha, I take A LOT of time writing Apocalypse Rising. Chapter 7 has been in the works for well over a month now, and it's almost complete. I spend time on it because it is my first original work that I would like to see published or turned into a movie one day. Sure, it has a lot of errors, but once I learn more, I'm going to go back and correct them.

    As for growing bored of Pokemon, I did. But I somewhat enjoy it again as of now :p
  18. Klaus


    I love it. This is one of the best fics in originality i've ever read
    Again, I love it. The description is wonderful and the plot is wonderful.
    Again, I love it, please PM when you get the new chapter up.

    As always, be kind to the mime
  19. GoldenNoctowl77

    GoldenNoctowl77 Back in Business!

    Thanks for the review Klaus. I'm glad that you loved the fic. I will get around to reading yours within the next few days, I promise. I just have to catch up with college.
  20. Nagashi

    Nagashi Master Coordinator

    *Claps* This story seems to have all the errors of SFK fixed: a beleivable main character who isn't amazing at battling, a very nice UU set of pokemon, and a story which doesn't feature the words "Chosen One." I am very, very impressed. Your writing skills have so obviously improved, and I'm extremely glad; because they were pretty damn good before. *Subscribes to thread*

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