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Morphic (R, possibly offensive to some)

growlithe_master

<-- Ain't it cute?
im new to this fic. i found the link in your sig and after reading the short summary, i clicked the link. im so glad that i did. this fanfic is better than any book i have ever read. the way it combines action, drama, and humour all into one fic is truly something amazing. it is also very realistic, which makes it even better. if there is a pm list, please put me on it.

btw, my favorite character is the so far personality-lacking growlithe for obvious reasons.
 

mattman324

aka Shiny_Feraligatr
Wow, just wow. This fic twisted my emotions SO MUCH, that I can officaily say that I have only felt for the charactures anywhere CLOSE to this much in two other fics. (Those being Ysavvryl's Mage Ruby and Hrist[ALT]'s Sacred Fire Trilogy [which was never finished... the first is in the archive]). I think my head will spontaniosly combust if I can't read anymore of this.
 

Dragonfree

Just me
Hi, everybody! Sorry about the ridiculously long wait between chapters here.

I would respond properly to reviews, but seeing as most of them are something like half a year old now and you've probably all forgotten this fic exists and what you said in your reviews, I'll leave it at thanks for reading to all of you, with a hope that you'll notice there's a new chapter and still remember what was going on.

As for chapter ten, well, there are things I'm satisfied with the outcome of and things I'm not. It feels kind of short to me, but it's actually seven pages, which is actually slightly longer than average for this fic.




Chapter 10

“David Ambrose?”

“Yes?”

“We got him.”

-------

Dave hesitated before pulling the key from the ignition. Without ever taking his hand off it – that would make it too deliberate – he took a deep breath and leaned back against the car seat. He exhaled, slowly, controlledly. He felt the built-up tension of the past couple of weeks relaxing its grip on his body; muscles he didn’t know he had unclenched one by one.

It was over.

He allowed himself to close his eyes and savor another gulp of air, finally mostly devoid of that smothering paranoia. Part of Dave’s mind of course imagined a crazy-looking man in a prison uniform bursting out of the door in front of him, pulling a gun out of nowhere and pointing it at the windshield with a wicked grin – but at least now the possibility was remote enough to safely ignore.

“Christ,” he muttered, took one last moment to sit there and enjoy the relief, and then pulled the key out. He opened the door, climbed out of the car, slammed it back shut. No murderers. Nothing to fear. Not anymore.

The moment he stepped through the door of the police station, two officers that had been talking near a desk across the room turned their heads towards him and one of them stood up. The policeman hastened towards him and grabbed his hand in an almost painful handshake. “Mr. Ambrose,” he said, a fast but firm voice. “I’m Officer Russell. Thank you for coming. How much did they tell you on the phone?”

“That you got the psycho that nearly shot me.”

“We did, we did,” replied the policeman while nodding overenthusiastically. “Or I suppose you could say he got himself. A man came by the station yesterday, Jacob Daniels – do you know him?”

“Can’t say it rings any bells.”

“Well, he knows you. Brother of the priest of the Church of Holy Truth – it’s a fundamentalist sect, don’t know if you’ve heard of it. They’ve been quite outspoken about the, ah… Pokémorph issue.”

The man winced when he mentioned it, a gesture that, in Dave’s experience, was mostly common to those who had been horrified and disgusted when they had first heard about the morphs and merely tried their best to forget where they came from now that they were lovable little kids. “Fundies,” he responded, channelling his brief annoyance into a more productive path. “Figures.”

“Well, anyway, he said he wanted to confess to the murder of Brian Edwards. Recited all sorts of details only the killer could know, even brought the weapon with him to let us match the rifling marks. Registered to him, bought a few years ago for home protection. Seemed pretty proud of it, but even if he recants the confession, we have more than enough evidence to make a quick, straightforward case. It’s pretty solid.”

Dave looked blankly at the other man. “So wait, the guy chooses to turn himself in now, after we’ve been hiding from the bogeyman for weeks?”

Officer Russell shrugged. “He said God told him to do it, and now to confess his crime.”

“Well, that’s... annoying.” Annoying. It wasn’t even just annoying. It was ****ing criminal. If he was going to turn himself in in the first place, why couldn’t the ****er have done it immediately afterwards and saved everyone the trouble?

“Anyway,” the policeman went on, “just to put a lid on it, we wanted to do a Gardevoir test as well, so that’s why we called you. It’ll only take a minute.”

“Right.”

“Follow me, then.”

The officer led him down a corridor to the right. “Are you familiar with how the test works?”

“Vaguely.”

“Just look him in the eye, ask him whether he did it and whether anybody knew about his intentions or was working with him, and the creature handles the rest.”

They went through a reinforced metal door into a bleak interrogation room. At the table in the middle sat a tall, dark-haired man with striking, handsome features and an element of relaxed confidence in his posture even despite having his hands cuffed behind his back. Two guards stood behind him, while another officer stood at the side of the table beside the graceful Psychic Pokémon that was watching the prisoner steadily with unblinking red eyes. Jacob Daniels was looking musingly back at the Pokémon, but turned his piercing blue eyes towards Dave as they walked in. A grin spread through his face.

“Amelia is picking up malice, possibly murderous intent, sir,” said the policeman with the Gardevoir, which was still staring fixedly at the prisoner. Jacob Daniels appeared completely unfazed by the declaration and simply continued to flash that creepy toothpasty grin.

Dave regarded the man in silence for a second. The knowledge that he was standing in front of someone who had attempted to murder him struck him uncomfortably. He cleared his throat.

“So you’re the creep who tried to kill me.”

Jacob smiled at him, arrogance beaming from his face. “I was an instrument of the Lord. Your fate has been decided. I was merely chosen to do the dirty work.”

“Some mighty fine instrument, aren’t you, killing the wrong guy?”

“Please stick to questioning about the matter at hand, Mr. Ambrose,” said Officer Russell. Jacob Daniels laughed softly.

“There are no coincidences, Mr. Ambrose. God’s ways are many and mysterious. We cannot make the mistake of doubting them when our interpretations are faulty.”

“What the **** is that supposed to even mean?” Dave waited a second for a possible answer; Jacob did not so much as change his expression. “Were you working alone?”

“I answer to no one but the Lord.”

“Did anybody else know about your little plot?”

The man looked into his eyes, leaning a little back. “Why would I tell someone who might have interfered before the cause could be carried out? No. I am not an idiot, Mr. Ambrose.”

“And that’s why you’re in jail right now and I’m still alive.”

Jacob Daniels flashed him a grin, unfazed. There was something deeply disturbing about his complete lack of anger at his failure. Dave looked at the guard with the Gardevoir.

“She feels no indication that he is lying or concealing any facts, sir.”

Officer Russell shrugged and stepped back from the wall he had been leaning against. “That will be all for now, then. Let me show you out.”

Dave took one last look at his would-be murderer and his unsettling grin before following the officer out of the room and back into the cold corridor. It took a moment for the discomfort of Jacob Daniels’ presence to wear off.

“Why’d you need me to ask him that stuff, anyway?”

“It gives a better emotional reading,” the policeman explained. “We questioned him too, of course, but it’s easier for Gardevoir to sense them fully when an outside stimulus is forcing the emotions associated with the relevant memories more to the forefront of the mind.”

“Right,” Dave replied, trying to keep most of the scepticism from his voice. “How reliable is this?”

“It’s pretty good, as far as all the evidence suggests. Good liars can keep it off their faces, but you can’t hide it from a Gardevoir. There are those cases where they honestly believe what they’re saying, but for a man who gave himself up and confessed voluntarily and without coercion, well…” He shrugged. “It’s pretty foolproof here.”

“So we’re safe, right? We can stop hiding and being guarded?”

The policeman nodded. “Looks like it.”

“Have you talked to the others yet?”

“We called them just after we called you. They all sounded very relieved.”

They were at the door now, and the policeman stopped and extended his hand. “Thanks for coming in. Then we will need to hear from you as a witness once it gets to court; we’ll call you about that.”

Dave shook his hand and walked outside into the sun. They were free. Now Jean would come home and everything would be back to normal at last.

-------

Gabriel didn’t feel as much better as he had thought he would. He was glad nobody else would get hurt, in an oddly detached sort of way, but somehow knowing of his father’s killer behind bars did nothing for his sense of justice, and the same dull bitterness still throbbed within him, more intensely than before if anything. It was frustrating to know he ought to be content while painfully aware that he wasn’t in the least.

“Well, what would make you content?” Jack asked him sometime. “Isn’t this just something only time can heal?”

“It’s not that,” said Gabriel, shaking his head, and it wasn’t: it was not just grief. It was a sort of restless hunger for something, only he could not know what the something was – his best guess had been the incarceration of the murderer, but when that brought him no satisfaction, he was lost as to what could.

But he did not explain that to Jack, figuring it would only make him more worried about him. Gabriel didn’t like worrying other people.

-------

Will sat on his bed, licking absent-mindedly at his fingertips. Jean was gone. The mattress she’d slept on was still on the floor below him, the red blanket crumpled and the pillow resting half on the floor, half on the edge of the mattress. It felt so long since he’d been completely alone. He wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. What had he done with himself before she’d pretty much moved in with them, anyway?

He looked around the room for ideas and then under the bed. His ball of yarn was still lying there. It was just too tempting.

He stood up and locked the door out of habit, even though he knew his siblings weren’t there: they’d fled the premises when Jean came over and had been staying with his friends. He took the ball out from under the bed and put it on the floor in front of him before sitting down and just staring at it.

It had been a while. Maybe he had grown out of it after all. He considered the possibility dully and could not bring himself to be happy about it.

The gold charm on his forehead itched and he reached up to scratch around it, but the more he scratched, the more it itched. He grabbed it in irritation, wishing he could just pull it off once and for all, and just like that, it came off, leaving only a cold tingle on the skin below it.

Will stared at the gold in his hand in disbelief. His first thought was that somehow he was evolving, turning into a Persian morph, but something made him instinctively know that that was not it.

Pay Day, he realized absurdly, blinking at the coin.

The tingle in his forehead was turning into a hot, painful throb. He winced and touched the spot where his charm had been with his fingers; at first it was just hard and rough and bulging out disturbingly, but within a few seconds there was metal regrowing where the old charm had been, and a few seconds after that, it had been completely replaced, with only a faint throb of pain and the flat piece of gold in his hand to remind him that it had ever happened.

He blinked again at the coin. A surreal idea popped up in his head: maybe he could buy candy for it?

He thought about it for a second – no, there were Pokémon abuse laws in place to prevent the sale of Meowth charms – but then decided he kind of wanted to keep it, anyway. He put the gold piece carefully in his pocket.

Shouldn’t he tell his parents? They always wanted to know when they exhibited new Pokémon traits. He looked up at the door and then back down to the white ball of yarn in front of him.

Aw, heck. He could tell them later.

-------

A few days later, Gabriel gave up and did try to explain it, when he was in a particularly wretched mood and somewhere in the back of his consciousness kind of wanted Jack to worry about him after all.

“I feel like there’s... there’s lava bubbling up inside me and it’s about to try to burst out,” he said, but it sounded ridiculous, like some sort of a miserable pun on his condition. He clenched his fists around the plastic-coated sheets he was sitting on – his bed had been moved from their house into Jack’s room when it had been decided he would stay with them – and shook his head before trying again. “Every day just makes me feel angrier. I don’t even know who or what I’m angry at anymore. I thought it was the killer, but it’s not.”

Jack sat curled up opposite him on his own bed, listening, resting his head on his knees while his hands fiddled with his finger-webbing. He said nothing. Jack knew when Gabriel expected an answer and when he just wanted to vent to somebody he could trust. It was one of the reasons they had always bonded well.

“Maybe it’s Dave,” Gabriel went on, thinking aloud. “I still sometimes look at him and hate him for being alive, still strutting around and pretending everything revolves around him. Maybe I’m just angry at my dad for still being dead. Or all this stupid slime. Why didn’t they abort me as a fetus again?” He paused. “Oh, right, the Stop Abortion Movement. Maybe I’m just angry at them.” He looked up at Jack as if he could confirm or deny it.

“Do you think it could be some sort of a lust for revenge?” Jack asked after a moment’s pause.

“Well, no,” Gabriel replied in irritation. “I already told you. I didn’t feel a thing when they caught the guy. I don’t care about the killer. It has to be...”

“Well,” Jack interrupted him, “maybe it’s just not satisfying to you to just hear on the phone that they caught him. Maybe you wanted to... be involved with catching him yourself.”

Gabriel stopped to think about it. He hadn’t really considered it. “Why would that matter?” he replied stubbornly. “The end result is the same. He’s in prison.”

Jack hesitated. Then, “Really?”

It was a probing sort of ‘Really’, fishing for something in particular. Gabriel frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

Jack bit his lip, his gaze flicking nervously to the locked door. “Would you have wanted to... attack him? Fight him?”

Gabriel looked at him for a moment. “Maybe, I guess?” he said quizzically, and Jack looked away, his blue face turning a shade towards purple. “What’re you thinking?”

“Don’t you ever get... violent impulses?” he asked, jerking his head back towards Gabriel. “Wanting to punch random people? Attack them, hurt them...?”

“Kill them?” Gabriel suggested.

“Maybe.” He flicked his gaze towards the door again. “I mean, I didn’t get much of it when I was little, but I think it could be a hormonal thing that’s just setting in now. These days, when people get on my nerves, I really want to attack them to show I’m better. Sometimes I want to fight random people I see just because I wonder if I could beat them.”

Gabriel paused. “So you think it’s because of the Pokémon genes?”

“It’s the only reason I can think of,” Jack replied with a nervous shrug. “For the impulse to be this strong, I mean. I’ve been wanting to ask all the others, but if it’s just me, I don’t really want to draw attention to it.”

Gabriel nodded. The last thing they needed was convincing more people that they were dangerous subhumans that needed to be restrained somewhere far away from normal people.

A few seconds passed in silence. Then Jack asked quietly, “So have you felt anything like that?”

Gabriel thought about it and then shook his head. “Not really.”

Jack looked away, his gaze distant, and Gabriel wished he could have told him they were the same. But he really had felt nothing of the sort – nothing he wouldn’t think would be ordinary for a frustrated teenage human orphan, at the very least.

Did he want to personally hurt or kill his father’s murderer? The thought of it was somewhat satisfying, maybe even more so than it ought to be for a normal person if he considered it – but he could tell that still wasn’t quite it.

“I think I can use Spark,” said Jack suddenly.

“Really?” Gabriel looked back at him.

“Yeah. I think we’re all developing some more Pokémon powers. I heard Peter used a Quick Attack the other day, and Will did a Pay Day just a couple of days ago, and Lucy is starting to gain control of that primitive Shadow Ball she could do. And now I can use Spark. It’s kind of neat, but still not very strong. Want to see?”

Gabriel nodded.

Jack reached for the switch to turn the lights off. He closed his eyes to concentrate, and the small lights at the ends of his antennae brightened visibly; he moved his right hand slowly upwards until it was right between the antennae, and then a bright yellow spark of electricity jumped from between the bulbs and his hand. He jumped, jerking his hand back down as he opened his eyes and began to shake his arm.

“It feels kinda numb afterwards,” he explained, “but it’s cool to know I can do it, right?” He looked brightly at Gabriel, who smiled.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” he said, not sounding as enthusiastic as he would have liked.

Jack’s smile faded. “What about you? Have you been discovering any cool new powers?”

Gabriel shook his head with a skewed smile. “I guess I just don’t get any cool powers.”

The other boy looked at him with regret. That worry and concern was creeping into his eyes again. “You might just discover them later,” he suggested. “Maybe yours just need a bit more time.”

If there was any time when Jack irritated Gabriel, it was when he was trying too hard to suggest a positive way of looking at being a half-Slugma. But his mood was beginning to get better and he didn’t want to subject his friend to some sort of irritated remark on top of the confusion he must be feeling about his Pokémonlike fighting impulses, so he just shrugged. “So what now? Let out some steam by playing violent video games?”

Jack grinned, and seeing his friend smile made Gabriel somehow feel better, enough so to make him completely forget to mention the weird glint in Jack’s eyes while they played and the way it intensified when his opponents exploded into splatters of gore.
 
Last edited:

Evil_Lord

Active Member
Wow, excellent new chappie, Dragonfree. I really love your descriptions of the characters, making them almost real.

Great, now they're all getting pokemon moves, albiet weaker versions. I'd love to see the fighting against other pokemon and/or being trainers. It would be really great to be your own trainer, such as that Hitmonchan in TQFTL, no more waiting on somebody elses orders. Or alternately, (and I think this would be horrible) they could become like pokemon, controlled by other humans in battle.

I'd love to be on the pm list for this, if you have one. Also, I see a new chapter for TQFTL, so I'll go read that too.

PS: Is it just me or was that chapter a bit short?
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Finally, a new chapter!

I liked the part where they were using Gardevoir to test the prisoner, but after that, it kinda fell off. I feel it ended abruptly.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Quite an interesting usage of a gardevoir, first of all. I found it to be a neat surprise; I certainly wasn't expecting something like that to transpire when Dave went into the police station.

Speaking of the gardevoir test scene ("Gardevoir Test Scene" is starting to sound like the name of a band to me for some reason... X3), I thought Jacob was pretty darned creepy in that scene. The way he spoke so calmly, the sort of things that he was saying and how he was saying them, the fact that he smiled... brrr. o~o;

Dave, meanwhile, had some great responses to Jacob in that scene:

“I was an instrument of the Lord. Your fate has been decided. I was merely chosen to do the dirty work.”

“Some mighty fine instrument, aren’t you, killing the wrong guy?”

I am not an idiot, Mr. Ambrose.”

“And that’s why you’re in jail right now and I’m still alive.”

X3 Awesome, both of those.

I think the scenes involving Gabriel were my favorite parts of the chapter, especially the one involving him and Jack. I think the way those two characters are developing is really interesting--especially with regards to Jack. o.o I find myself wondering what these impulses of his might ultimately lead to--and having a rather dark feeling about it...

Meanwhile, Will's kittiness continues to be priceless:

Will sat on his bed, licking absent-mindedly at his fingertips.

He looked around the room for ideas and then under the bed. His ball of yarn was still lying there. It was just too tempting.

Shouldn’t he tell his parents? They always wanted to know when they exhibited new Pokémon traits. He looked up at the door and then back down to the white ball of yarn in front of him.

Aw, heck. He could tell them later.

XD He is such a cat sometimes...
 

elyvorg

somewhat backwards.
So I'm finding myself reading bits of this and fangirling instead of working on a tricky couple of sentences in a certain rewrite, and I figure I might as well turn my colossal wasting of time into something vaguely productive. Not that this isn't going to be one of those rambly, fangirly reviews, mind.

First time through, it took me a moment to get the meaning of those first three lines. I think it was because I wasn't sure that it was Dave being spoken to; I initially assumed, for whatever reason, that it was a couple of the religious nuts talking about Dave, then figured that if that was the case you'd have done more than three lines and had to spend a moment working out what you really meant. I don't really know how this could have been clearer, though, since I can tell that you very deliberately chose to convey that information in as short a space as you could, so, um. :/

Despite not being the kind of person that I'd like to know personally, Dave is incredibly fun to read about, and I can see how he must be fun to write as well. Especially with lines like this:
“Well, that’s... annoying.” Annoying. It wasn’t even just annoying. It was ****ing criminal. If he was going to turn himself in in the first place, why couldn’t the ****er have done it immediately afterwards and saved everyone the trouble?
that are just bursting with fun, cynical Dave-ness. =D

It was only a while after reading the chapter, when I was reading Sike's review, that I realised that the guy who turned himself in is not the creepy priest guy from that scene in chapter 4. I don't quite know how that managed to escape me, since you even mentioned that it's his brother; my mind clearly skimmed over that and only properly registered the "Daniels" while ignoring his first name. At least, this makes it quite likely that he really is the guy who shot Brian (whereas, previously when I'd been assuming him to be the priest, I didn't think he'd be the kind of person to get his hands dirty), but this also means that we know he wasn't working alone at all, since his brother must have told him to do it. I wonder if his fooling the Gardevoir has to do with how indirectly he phrased everything about him working alone, although since a Gardevoir is apparently also supposed to just tell if he's concealing anything, perhaps it was something more. Either way, while Dave might think he's safe now, we readers can be pretty sure this isn't over yet...

(I should also mention that Jacob managed to fold his arms during the scene despite apparently having them handcuffed behind his back. You might want to fix that.)

Will continues to be adorable, and I feel glad and kind of priveliged that my fangirling of him on MSN inspired you to add his scene, however unconnected to the plot it was. :3

Gabriel also continues to be adorable. The lines just before and just after Will's scene managed to fill me with large amounts of awwwwww, the first because of how adorably selfless it is of Gabriel to not like worrying people despite how much crap he goes through, and the second because of how horrible he must have been feeling to go against the aforementioned not-wanting-Jack-to-worry-about-him thing. Jack also gets points of fwee from me simply for being all concerned and worried for his friend (Gabriel and Jack makes for the most awesome friendship, incidentally :3), because I seem to like those kinds of emotions for whatever reason.

For Gabriel's sake, since I love him and he is adorable, I hope that he'll work out and deal with whatever's angering him eventually, although knowing you, he'll be put through a load more crap before that happens. Not that I can exactly say I'll mind that, either. Meanwhile, Jack's competetive/violent urges worry me, because he's awesome and it would be all D: if he started attacking random people because he can't control himself.

On a random and superficial note, I also love how his blueness means he turns purple when a normal human would go red. xP
 

growlithe_master

<-- Ain't it cute?
:eek: oh my god, new chapter! *random cheering and applause*

now then, i thought this was an excellent chapter. i like how everyone is starting to get more pokemon-like qualities like attacks.

i is loving the kitty-cat scenes, they fill me with large amounts of awwwwwwww.

i did notice one mistake though.

But he did not explain it to Jack

you missed the "he" in that sentence.

it was a great chapter though. i look forward to reading somemore. (hopefully with growlithe in them. why you no put growlithe in chapter?)
 

Atlidevil

Game Hoarder
-------



“Some mighty fine instrument, aren’t you, killing the wrong guy?”


“And that’s why you’re in jail right now and I’m still alive.”

Priceless XD





He looked around the room for ideas and then under the bed. His ball of yarn was still lying there. It was just too tempting.

He took the ball out from under the bed and put it on the floor in front of him before sitting down and just staring at it.

Wow just like my cat


Will stared at the gold in his hand in disbelief. His first thought was that somehow he was evolving, turning into a Persian morph, but something made him instinctively know that that was not it.

Pay Day, he realized absurdly, blinking at the coin.

The tingle in his forehead was turning into a hot, painful throb. He winced and touched the spot where his charm had been with his fingers; at first it was just hard and rough and bulging out disturbingly, but within a few seconds there was metal regrowing where the old charm had been, and a few seconds after that, it had been completely replaced, with only a faint throb of pain and the flat piece of gold in his hand to remind him that it had ever happened.

He blinked again at the coin. A surreal idea popped up in his head: maybe he could buy candy for it?

He thought about it for a second – no, there were Pokémon abuse laws in place to prevent the sale of Meowth charms – but then decided he kind of wanted to keep it, anyway. He put the gold piece carefully in his pocket.

Shouldn’t he tell his parents? They always wanted to know when they exhibited new Pokémon traits. He looked up at the door and then back down to the white ball of yarn in front of him.

Aw, heck. He could tell them later.

Nice save on the pay day money thing




“Yeah. I think we’re all developing some more Pokémon powers. I heard Peter used a Quick Attack the other day, and Will did a Pay Day just a couple of days ago, and Lucy is starting to gain control of that primitive Shadow Ball she could do. And now I can use Spark. It’s kind of neat, but still not very strong. Want to see?”

Gabriel nodded.

Jack reached for the switch to turn the lights off. He closed his eyes to concentrate, and the small lights at the ends of his antennae brightened visibly; he moved his right hand slowly upwards until it was right between the antennae, and then a bright yellow spark of electricity jumped from between the bulbs and his hand. He jumped, jerking his hand back down as he opened his eyes and began to shake his arm.

“It feels kinda numb afterwards,” he explained, “but it’s cool to know I can do it, right?” He looked brightly at Gabriel, who smiled.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” he said, not sounding as enthusiastic as he would have liked.

Jack’s smile faded. “What about you? Have you been discovering any cool new powers?”

Gabriel shook his head with a skewed smile. “I guess I just don’t get any cool powers.”

The other boy looked at him with regret. That worry and concern was creeping into his eyes again. “You might just discover them later,” he suggested. “Maybe yours just need a bit more time.”


I think Gabriel is developing into an emo but i really REALLY cant blame him. Its nice they are developing moves now.

.

Just amazing i love this story.
 

Dragonfree

Just me
Evil Lord: There won't be a lot of training in this fic, I'm afraid - Peter was a trainer this summer as noted in chapter nine (or was it eight?), training normal Pokémon like an ordinary human trainer, but even though they've picked up a couple of Pokémon attacks, they don't have the same regenerative abilities that would allow them to battle without getting real, serious injuries.

As I noted, that chapter felt short even though it was actually a bit longer than average for this fic. Chapter eleven is even shorter.

The Great Butler: Mm, it was a pretty calm chapter, but I wouldn't think of the scenes after that as being boring in the least considering 70% of this fic so far has pretty much been Pokémorph slice-of-life. Not sure about the abrupt ending either, since it didn't feel that way to me. Any specific thoughts?

Sike Saner: Glad you like the Gardevoir test idea. I spent a little while thinking about how the police might use Pokémon and this was the most interesting thing I came up with.

And yes, Will is a kitty. :3

elyvorg: Actually, there is a third brother who is that priest; Isaac is just an influential guy hosting those little meetings in the cellar of a more moderate church.

...I can't believe I missed something like the folding arms thing. :< Just goes to show I don't pay enough attention.

Hope you enjoy the Gabrielness of this chapter. :3

growlithe master: Felicia will be in later chapters, don't worry. :p

Atlidevil: Well, we couldn't have Pay Day giving people real money. That would be some inflation they'd get. :p

Thanks for reading, all.

Chapter eleven is here, pretty early by Morphic standards, so I hope you still remember what went on in chapter ten. It's rather short, but it does advance the storyline more than most chapters. :p

Fun fact: all but some two or three paragraphs of this chapter were written within the space of twenty-four hours. I had a major writing spree, all thanks to being unable to sleep so I started thinking about it and suddenly figured out how to get the plot to fit together better than before.

The end of the chapter feels a little abrupt, but eh.


Chapter 11

“The hotdogs were good,” said Mia as she stared through the side window of the car.

“You’re welcome,” Dave replied and darted an eye towards her to make sure the corners of her scythes weren’t poking holes in the seat. There was a short silence.

“Why do people celebrate birthdays?” Mia asked suddenly.

“Well,” Dave began but then paused to quickly turn a corner he’d almost missed. They jerked uncomfortably in their seats. Damn distractions.

Mia looked expectantly at him. “Well,” he started again. “Today it’s been forty-three years since your mother was born. So we celebrate it.”

“I don’t get it,” Mia said and looked distractedly around for a few seconds, as if she wasn’t going to continue. “Why you celebrate that,” she then added.

“What’s so hard to get?”

Mia looked directly at him. “It doesn’t make any sense,” she said. “Years and days don’t even line up right. Maybe the real time when the earth has gone around the sun forty-three times since the birth is tomorrow. Maybe it was this morning but we’re celebrating it tonight. It doesn’t have any meaning that it’s still the same day. And it doesn’t have any meaning anyway that the earth has gone around the sun so many times since your birth. None of it makes sense.”

Dave sighed; Mia was going philosophical on him again. “It’s just a nice excuse to give people presents. Nobody cares how many circles the earth has gone around the sun or whatever. You’re thinking about it too much.”

“Presents,” Mia repeated with a nod. There was another one of those few-second silences where she made Dave think she wasn’t going to continue. “I like presents.”

“See? That’s why we have birthdays.”

“As long as it’s a good present,” Mia went on as if he hadn’t spoken. “I don’t like getting bad presents.”

Giving Mia presents had been a nightmarish task the first few years. Then they’d realized it was best just to stick with giving her meat and things she could cut.

Pause. “I didn’t get her anything,” Mia said in her usual neutral voice.

“Well, I got her something,” Dave replied. “It can be from both of us if you want.”

Mia shrugged in a way that could have been indifference or agreement. Dave supposed it didn’t really matter.

He’d gotten Cheryl a Miltank in some third-world country. Some church-sponsored charity crap, trying to make donations feel more physical by giving you a photo of a Miltank for a set price that would supposedly buy one for a starving family and might single-handedly save their lives and future for generations to come, according to the probably exaggerated little booklet about it. Cheryl was all over charities like that. He’d figured the best way to make up for coming on to her the other day was to give her something personal that she would really like, but it had to be something that could not be taken the wrong way. This was the best thing he’d come up with, and reluctant as he was to do business with any sort of church, she was more important. Besides, it was just a charity; it didn’t actually have anything to do with religion.

He turned into the Kerrigans’ home street. On the corner stood that creepy, pale, dark-haired fundamentalist guy with the sign again – he hadn’t seen him in a while. What had his name been again? The man looked at Dave as they passed and grinned widely. Creepy ****.

“It was him,” said Mia matter-of-factly.

“Hm?”

“It was him,” she repeated. “Who killed Brian.”

Dave turned his head sharply towards her and turned back just in time to avoid driving up onto the sidewalk. “What? Don’t be ridiculous. That’s not him. They caught him, remember?”

Mia shook her head. “It was him. Must have got the wrong guy.”

Dave laughed for a moment but stopped when he realized how nervous he sounded. “That’s ridiculous. Why the **** would you think that?”

“The way he looked at you.”

“You can’t tell who killed a guy by just watching how he looks at some other guy, for ****’s sake.” Dave glanced in the rear-view mirror. The man had turned around and was still watching them.

“The tendons in his neck tensed. And then he bared his teeth.”

“That’s what you call a ****ing smile.”

“His pupils dilated. The index finger twitched a little when he was remembering how he pulled the trigger.”

“What are you now, ****ing psychic?” He pulled into the driveway. “Look, they had a real psychic down at the police station. They have the right guy, okay?”

“It was him,” Mia just repeated, in the exact same tone as before.

“Bullshit.” Dave stopped the car, pulled the key out of the ignition and opened the door, throwing Mia a glance. She casually opened the door at her own side as she would any other time.

As he knocked on the front door, Dave looked quickly down the street, but the man was gone.

“Hi,” said Cheryl warmly as she opened the door, giving each of them a quick smile in turn. “We have a bit of a surprise visitor at the moment, so I hope you don’t mind...”

She gestured for them to come inside. In the sofa sat a distraught-looking plump woman in a plain maroon dress, hunched over and fiddling nervously with her hands.

“Who is that?” Dave asked. The woman looked quickly up and gave him a look of what he could only call terror; she sat there frozenly for a second but didn’t reply.

Howard, sitting opposite her, gave Dave a glare.

“She says she knows something about Brian,” Cheryl murmured. “The murder, I mean.”

The woman, who had turned back towards Howard, shot a quick glance their way and Dave suddenly realized it was Mia she was looking at with terror, not him. Cheryl gestured silently at the girl and the Scyther morph obediently walked into her room and closed the door.

The woman shook her head absent-mindedly, her orange-red curls swishing in front of her face. She straightened herself, brushed them aside, gave Howard, Cheryl and Dave a quick glance each, and then stared down at her lap again. She licked her lips and swallowed, as if just to demonstrate every nervous gesture known to man.

“M-my name is Monica Sellers,” she began at last. There were a few seconds of silence. “I’m a member of your church.” She looked at Howard, very quickly, and then back down. Another silence.

“Yes?” Howard said carefully.

The woman nodded quickly. “I’m also among a group of churchgoers who meet regularly to discuss...” She stopped and glanced around once more. “They organized the attack on...”

Howard and Cheryl both glanced at Dave; he shuddered inwardly at the memory.

Monica Sellers took a deep breath. “I’m here because... I think what they did was wrong.”

“No ****,” Dave interjected; the woman flinched visibly. Howard gave him another glare.

“The... the one who hatched the plan... was Isaac Daniels. He also did the...” She trailed off, glancing at Dave.

“Isaac? I thought his name was Jacob or something.”

Monica Sellers shook her head frantically. “Jacob is his brother. They sent him to take the blame so the police would stop watching over you.”

Dave looked at the door to Mia’s room, feeling sick. This had to be some sort of a joke.

“You’re full of ****,” he managed to say. “They had a ****ing Gardevoir. He said he did it and wasn’t working with anybody and he wasn’t lying.”

The woman looked blankly at him. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, anger rising in his throat. “You’re just ****ing with us!” he shouted, louder than he’d intended. “It was that one nut who did the shooting and now you’re trying to make us get all in a panic again by taking credit for it. Crazy fundamentalist ****s!”

“N-no,” the woman stammered, flinching again. “I swear I...”

Dave felt something move by his thigh and jumped before realizing it was his cellphone vibrating. He pulled it out of his pocket, turned around and took a deep breath to calm himself down before opening it to answer. “Hello?”

“Hello, David Ambrose,” said a smooth, calm voice on the other end.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Isaac Daniels. We met earlier.”

An uncomfortable cold shiver trickled ever so slowly down Dave’s spine. “What the **** do you want?”

“We have the Slugma boy.”

He froze.

“What?” he asked weakly and heard his voice tremble.

“A woman named Monica Sellers has been talking to you. If you tell the police what she told you or anything about the kidnapping, the hybrid dies. Do you understand?”

“What the ****.” Dave tried to get the gears started in his brain again. “You’re bluffing.”

There was a distorted sigh on the other end. “Call his phone. He will tell you himself if he needs to. Rest assured that if you inform the police of anything, we will know and will be happy to keep our end of the deal. Goodbye, Mr. Ambrose.”

-------

While Gabriel waited for Jack’s mom to pick him up for the birthday party, he flipped through the first few pages of one of the comic books he’d just bought. It was pretty bloody, he noted – Jack would love it. He’d definitely show it to him at the party. Maybe, if the other morphs were the same, they’d be all over it too.

He looked up to scan the street for Sharon’s car, but there wasn’t a person in sight. Jack had gone with his dad earlier to get a present for Cheryl. He’d opted to go to the comic book store instead and get picked up later when Sharon got out of work. He didn’t like going to the bigger shopping streets where there would be people wrinkling their noses at him everywhere. At least the guys at the comic book store were used to him and that street was less travelled. And he’d still told her to pick him up in a side street a couple of blocks away, where he was comfortably sure nobody would be around. Sitting on a bench here, where all the city sounds were kind of muted, was strangely calm and peaceful. It made him feel almost normal.

Somebody clamped a hand over his mouth from behind.

He yelped in surprise as two sets of strong, gloved hands pulled him over the back of the bench and grabbed hold of his arms. He tried frantically to kick backwards and scream for help with feeble results and then to bring his feet down to stop them from dragging him, but it didn’t even slow them down. He tried to turn his head to see the men or where they were taking him, but the hand over his mouth was holding his head in place.

He was thrown into the back seat of a car and finally got to look at one of the men – it was a tall, muscular guy, but he had a white scarf tied around his face as a makeshift mask – as the man sat down in the seat beside him, all the while pointing a small pistol straight at him. Gabriel pressed against the back of the seat, his throat dry, and tried not to move as the car jerked into motion. The man pulled out another scarf, a red one, and handed it to Gabriel, who looked blankly at his captor.

“Tie it over your eyes,” the man said through his own scarf. “Now.” He thrust the gun towards Gabriel for emphasis; he flinched, accepted the scarf carefully and began to tie it around his head.

The murky reddish darkness behind the scarf was somehow calming. He tried to tie it as tightly as he could behind his head and then lowered his hands very slowly when he was done. A hand felt briefly around the scarf; the man grunted in approval and then, judging from the sound, took the scarf away from his own face.

“Don’t move,” said the man’s voice, now unmuffled. “Don’t try to take it off. Don’t try anything.”

Gabriel hadn’t been planning to.

He took a shaky breath and tried to get his brain back into thinking-mode. He couldn’t really; everything was sort of whirling around – kidnapping, must be still, guy had a gun pointed at him, what did they want? He dimly heard the man beside him talking on the phone but didn’t have the presence of mind to process just what he was saying. Kidnapping. Were they holding him for ransom? They might kill him. The guy had a gun. What had happened to his comic books? He must have dropped them on the bench. What would Sharon think when he wasn’t there? Jack would be worried sick.

“Wh... what...” he began when the chaos in his mind began to settle on the question of what the kidnappers wanted, but his lips were still not quite reconnected to his brain and his mouth was still uncomfortably dry. “Why...?”

“You are a hostage,” said the man beside him, apparently no longer on the phone, though Gabriel hadn’t noticed when that happened. “As long as you don’t try anything and nobody calls the police, we won’t kill you. Be still.”

Nobody calls the police? About what? Gabriel tried to make sense of it; his brain alternated between thinking they meant about the kidnapping and thinking that would be circular logic. He couldn’t really think clearly enough to tell which was right. Not with a gun pointed at his head.

His cellphone started vibrating in his pocket. He turned his head towards the man beside him, not sure if he could answer it. The man shoved his own hand into the pocket instead and picked up the phone; Gabriel heard the soft click of it opening. Then...

“Gabriel? Please tell me you’re there.”

“Dave?” he called without thinking. “I’ve been kidnapped as a hostage and they have me in some car and I think we’re heading...” Cold metal pressed against the side of his head and he froze, not daring to even breathe: the feeling of the weapon there made it suddenly seem real in a way it hadn’t before.

“Oh, ****. ****. Gabriel? Are you still...”

The phone snapped shut again; it did not come back into Gabriel’s pocket.

A few slow seconds passed; Gabriel felt his heart thumping in his chest as he held his breath, shivering at the touch of what he knew was the muzzle of the gun. Finally, slowly, the man pulled it back and he managed to exhale. He sucked in another breath, still trembling, but the man was silent and the gun didn’t touch him again. Even after the initial shock wore off, the knowledge that the gun was still there, somewhere off to his left, kept his thoughts from wandering; whatever he tried to think about was jerked back to the horrifying reality by the memory of feeling it pressed to his head.

With the reddish darkness still covering his vision, the world soon became nothing but the gun, the noise of the car engine and his heavy breaths and thumping heartbeats, each of them sending more chilling terror pulsing through his veins.
 
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Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Gah, I covet your ability to do useful things with sleeplessness. X3;

Anyway, there were some Mia-moments there in that chapter that I really liked. The way that she can read a person's body language like that is something that I find both somewhat creepy and effing cool. I thought that the conversation between her and Dave regarding presents was great, too--more on that in the highlights section.

When Gabriel having been taken was revealed... yeah. o__o That was a great "holy ****" moment, I thought. I wonder how this situation's going to turn out for him...

The Aforementioned Highlights Section:

Mia looked directly at him. “It doesn’t make any sense,” she said. “Years and days don’t even line up right. Maybe the real time when the earth has gone around the sun once since the birth is tomorrow. Maybe it was this morning but we’re celebrating it tonight. It doesn’t have any meaning that it’s still the same day. And it doesn’t have any meaning anyway that the earth has gone around the sun so many times since your birth. None of it makes sense.”

Dave sighed; Mia was going philosophical on him again. “It’s just a nice excuse to give people presents. Nobody cares how many circles the earth has gone around the sun or whatever. You’re thinking about it too much.”

“Presents,” Mia repeated with a nod. There was another one of those few-second silences where she made Dave think she wasn’t going to continue. “I like presents.”

Again, I liked this bit, mainly due to feeling like I could sort of relate to it: sometimes I find myself thinking of how we assign importance to things that, objectively speaking, may have none at all. This inevitably leads me to consider if, objectively speaking, anything technically has any meaning in and of itself or if meaning is just something that exists only as long as there are minds to attach it to things.

And, inevitably, I just shrug and enjoy the presents, so to speak. X3

Giving Mia presents had been a nightmarish task the first few years. Then they’d realized it was best just to stick with giving her meat and things she could cut.

XD

The man looked at Dave as they passed and grinned widely. Creepy ****.

My sentiments exactly. X3

“The tendons in his neck tensed. And then he bared his teeth.”

“That’s what you call a ****ing smile.”

Dave's response made me laugh so hard. XDDDD

“We have the Slugma boy.”

He froze.

So did I. You should've seen my face when I read that part; potentially amusing, I suspect it was. X3

With the reddish darkness still covering his vision, the world soon became nothing but the gun, the noise of the car engine and his heavy breaths and thumping heartbeats, each of them sending more chilling terror pulsing through his veins.

What I liked most about Gabriel's scene was the view that it gave into what the experience of being kidnapped was like for him, especially with regards to that part--chilling indeed, I thought.
 

mattman324

aka Shiny_Feraligatr
I've said it once, I'll say it again: wow. Just, wow.

Besides one or two grammer nazis, I don't see how you WOULDN'T like this fic, unless you were increadebly adverse to violence. If you are, then you probubly shouldn't play pokemon in the first place (animals beating up other animals is violent :)). Jeez, I wish I could write this well. Or, other people, since I'm a lazy guy, and have been unable to finish a 6 paragraph prolouge to a fic that I started in June. Can't win em' all!

EDIT: Woo hoo at Surges gym! I thought I'd never get there...
 
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asperger1981

good reader
Two things:

First, welcome back to the forums, ma'am!

Second, are you planning on using the previous chapter discovery, you know; the morphs recently acquired poke-powers?

Some spontaneous backfire for Mr. Daniels (mostly on the literal sense) would be a really nice touch, but until new advise, thats only me, o.k.?

Read you latter!

;218;
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Wow, uh... that was short. Good though.

I have to echo the sentiment about Mia's sudden (almost) psychic abilities. Not only that, the plot twist - that the guy they arrested previously was a stand-in - actually startled me.

Gabriel's kidnapping was written, I think, about as well as a kidnapping scene can go. I think you captured the detail of what he'd see and feel perfectly. I really felt like I was there.
 

Atlidevil

Game Hoarder
Vá þetta var rosalegur kafli.

Meira Mia var gaman hún her ein af top 5 uppáhalds pokemorphunum mínum

Djöfulin hata ég þessa heimsku oftrúaða þroskahefta gaura

Mér finnst blót í lagi og allt en eru pokemorph krakkarnir bara 10 eða eithvað? (For Dragonfree)

Wow that was a serious chapter.

More Mia moments yay shes one of my top 5 pokemorphs

Man i hate those stupid over religious retards.

I like swearing and all that but arent the pokemorphs like 10? (For everyone)
 

elyvorg

somewhat backwards.
Since I still can't seem to get into writing mode, I figured I might as well channel some productivity elsewhere. I've been thinking about the chapter a little more coherently since the last time we spoke, so hopefully I can explain why I think the ending worked.

You say it's abrupt, but I think that's the very reason it works for a situation like this. It leaves the readers with no idea what's going to happen next, where Gabriel's being taken, how Dave and the other scientists are going to get out of this situation without someone dying, etc. Which is exactly the same kind of thing the characters themselves must be going through - not knowing what to do or how this is going to end. In other words, you've helped us to empathise with the characters and get an idea for what it's like to suddenly be thrown into a situation like this, and that makes it feel even more real.

(Yes, I seem to have overanalysed it here and might be missing your point on the abruptness. But rambly overanalysis is all in good fun, right?)

On a more biased note regarding the ending, finishing with that sentence about Gabriel's terror was probably the best thing you could have done. With enough willing suspension of disbelief to see the characters as actual entities existing in the void between chapters, their physical/emotional state is presumably going to remain exactly as it was at the end of the most recent chapter, yes? Which means that, essentially, Gabriel is still kidnapped and terrified right now, and is going to remain that way until you post chapter 12. And I'll be damned if that isn't the biggest hook to keep someone interested in the fic and wanting to read the next chapter as soon as possible that you could possibly have produced.

Or it could just be me, but either way, that's the effect this has had on me. This is why I love cliffhangers like this so much. <3

Moving away from stuff related to the kidnapping for a moment, Mia amused the hell out of me, identifying Isaac as the killer like that. Being the sociopath that she is, she didn't strike me as someone who'd be able to read other people very well, but when it comes to killer instincts, she definitely knows her stuff. xP

But speaking of Isaac - there's a third brother? Because when I was talking about the "creepy priest guy" in my last review, I meant Isaac, as he was pretty creepy in Chapter 4. Before I started reading the chapter, I came to the conclusion that the not-Isaac creepy priest guy you talked about must have been the one who stood outside the Kerrigan household declaring Lucy to be an abomination, because his first name was never given in that scene. And then I read this chapter and assumed that the guy who, erm... "smiled" at Dave was the same not-Isaac creepy priest guy, but then the phone conversation seems to be indicating that that person was Isaac after all. I'm kinda confused as to who was who - clarification, please? Have we actually seen the not-Isaac creepy priest guy anywhere yet?

I also happened to be reading that scene in Chapter 4 again earlier today (because you have apparently evoked a minor Morphic-obsession in me which compelled me to reread various bits of previous chapters), and I noticed that Monica Sellers was one of the women who was complaining about her child being threatened by Mia. Which I found interesting, as she wouldn't necessarily have been someone I'd have expected to get cold feet like that.

I've already told you this, but it must be reiterated that I gasped majorly when Gabriel having been kidnapped was revealed. Sike was spot-on in calling that a great holy **** moment, indeed. The combination of the "whoa, they've kidnapped someone, they mean business o.o" and it being Gabriel that they'd kidnapped left me alternating between staring at the screen in shock and giggling in delight at how much of an epic reaction you'd managed get out of me. Because, in the end, the reason I love fiction is the moments like that that make it feel like a real experience.

...As a random musing, while I can come up with various possibilities for why you as the author chose Gabriel to be kidnapped, I have to wonder if there's any particular reason Isaac and his people chose to kidnap him in particular, or whether it was just because he happened to be easy prey due to hanging around alone in a quiet street.

I look very very much forward to the next chapter. :3 Due to you having explained all his defence mechanisms to me, I imagine Dave will be going frantic about how this is all set up so that they can kill him, with little regard to the danger Gabriel is in. That said, I'm assuming that Isaac really did set up this situation so that he could kill Dave without intervention from the police (and damn is that one well-thought-out plan there). Which leads me to wonder what he'd do if he succeeded in killing Dave (not that I expect he will, although knowing you, I wouldn't put it past you) - I assume he wouldn't stop there and would want to kill the other morphs/possibly the other scientists too, since the only reason he's specifically targeting Dave right now is because Dave is supposedly the biggest threat. Which makes Isaac one hella threatening villain here.

(Incidentally, I love how he referred to Gabriel as "the hybrid" during that brief conversation, because it draws attention to the fact that he really doesn't see Gabriel as human and wouldn't hesitate to kill him if it came down to it. Brr. :<)

Also regarding my heavy anticipation of the next chapter, Jack. :3 Adorable worried!Jack from what I assume will be his own POV which will be all the more awesome because he hasn't worried about Gabriel from his own POV so far. And because since Brian's death, Jack is probably the person who cares the most about Gabriel. And yes. :3

And remember when I said in that review ages ago that I wanted to hug Gabriel? I didn't mean it. Not really. Not compared to how much I want to hug him NOW. :<
 

SlowCrow

Fence Crow
Blargh. I've been reading this for a while now, but it's only now that I feel like commenting. You can thank elyvorg (her laziness helps in unusual ways, doesn't it?) for not giving me anything to do for the creation of this post. If this keeps up, I may just start commenting on other fics! And now I quote things and my reactions to them, because I simply do not know any other way to review. <_>

Well, it didn't take me more than reading one line to completely forget who's who in the story, and I blame the gaps in your updates and the somewhat large cast of the fic as the problem...
. . .and darted an eye towards her to make sure the corners of her scythes weren’t poking holes in the seat.
But luckily, half the cast has their fair share of abnormalities that make it easy to tell them apart. :p

And that brings me back to what Mia said immidiately before:

“The hotdogs were good,” said Mia as she stared through the side window of the car.
Does she try to make everybody around her uncomfortable or does she do it unintentionally? I know it's due to the underlying Scyther concicous she has, but one has to wonder how aware of it she is. I mean, if she thinks about meat while awake, what does she dream about? o_O

Either way, if she's looking at something as she says that, it's more or less shows that she's fairly distracted by the flesh of other beings on a constant basis. Yeah...

Mia looked directly at him. “It doesn’t make any sense,” she said. “Years and days don’t even line up right. Maybe the real time when the earth has gone around the sun once since the birth is tomorrow. Maybe it was this morning but we’re celebrating it tonight. It doesn’t have any meaning that it’s still the same day. And it doesn’t have any meaning anyway that the earth has gone around the sun so many times since your birth. None of it makes sense.”
At first, I thought she was going on the same thought train as the hotdogs, but now I'm seeing how conflicting her thoughts must be if she goes from meat to the universe in a matter of seconds.

I'm also getting the feeling like it's something that you've randomly wondered and threw it in just for fun. Am I wrong? :D

“I like presents.”

“See? That’s why we have birthdays.”

“As long as it’s a good present,” Mia went on as if he hadn’t spoken. “I don’t like getting bad presents.”
Okay, that's it! How many times will she keep switching mindsets? Is she thinking as a human, a Scyther, or what?! How many things could possibly influence her conscious th--

Giving Mia presents had been a nightmarish task the first few years. Then they’d realized it was best just to stick with giving her meat and things she could cut.
And now we know for sure that she's in Syther mode most of the time while her human side takes a vacation somewhere in the back of her mind, with brief visits from sanity from time to time. Frankly, I see her see-sawing personality more hazardous than the presence of her scythes. >_>’

“It was him,” said Mia matter-of-factly.

“Hm?”

“It was him,” she repeated. “Who killed Brian.”

Dave turned his head sharply towards her and turned back just in time to avoid driving up onto the sidewalk. “What? Don’t be ridiculous. That’s not him. They caught him, remember?”

Mia shook her head. “It was him. Must have got the wrong guy.”

Dave laughed for a moment but stopped when he realized how nervous he sounded. “That’s ridiculous. Why the **** would you think that?”

“The way he looked at you.”
I think this is the junction where you were able to connect the plot, seeing how quickly Mia latched onto the idea and how steadfastly, assuredly, and undisputable the idea is since it just hits so fast out of nowhere and is not based on any logic nor facts, but instead her own murderous instincts that just ooze from her Syther conscious.

...

Or you could have just been foreshadowing, who knows? <_>

“The tendons in his neck tensed. And then he bared his teeth.”

“That’s what you call a ****ing smile.”

“His pupils dilated. The index finger twitched a little when he was remembering how he pulled the trigger.”
The more she talks, the more I think she's using the Perceiving Eyes from Apollo Justice. And I know it's not just a coincidence either. XP

“********.”
You know, it might just be me, but half the time Dave curses, it’s just not ****ing necessary. The ****ing fact that I actually had to count the ****** asterisks to see what word this particular *** example was made me notice this. @_@

She licked her lips and swallowed, as if just to demonstrate every nervous gesture known to man.
Heh, it seems like you noticed what you were doing and threw this in there for the lulz. I could see you had a bit of fun in the few hours you wrote this. :p

“The... the one who hatched the plan... was Isaac Daniels. He also did the...” She trailed off, glancing at Dave.

“Isaac? I thought his name was Jacob or something.”
And whomp bang boom bang, you just lost ALL chance of finding out who was the real shooter by interrupting an emotionally unstable woman's train of thought. Nice going, guys! e_e

(After reading the chapter, I found it didn't really matter if she told them or not, but I still find this interruption oddly faceplamish due to Dave’s temper getting in the way of the truth.)

“Hello, David Ambrose,” said a smooth, calm voice on the other end.

“Who are you?”
It's Dramatic Timing. You might want to make the call quick, it's a Collect call and you might rack up the McGruffins. >_>

“We have the Slugma boy.”

He froze.
Well…this is a very disadvantageous development indeed. This will not go very well. >_<

A woman named Monica Sellers has been talking to you. If you tell the police what she told you or anything about the kidnapping, the hybrid dies. Do you understand?
This is odd.

He's nearby on a street corner, possibly right in front of the house, calling them on a cell phone that's probably his, not right next to the hostage where the standard "Please, help me!" could be yelped. So that means that Dave could look out the window, see Isaac, and possibly sick Mia on him and injure him, stopping any chance for him to tell the real hostage takers what happened. Then they could simply ask Monica the name of the conspiring church and ask the police to search it OR just take Isaac's cell phone and track the numbers on it to each of his associates. There are SO many holes in this kidnapping scheme that it drives me up the wall. @_@

(Okay, I've read through the kidnapping scheme and it has actually turns out that Isaac probably jumped into a car as soon as Dave and Mia saw him, making the above paragraph mostly null, but one has to wonder exactly how far Gabriel was from Dave and company when he was kidnapped.)

As for the next scene, I like it overall since it establishes that Gabriel is terrified (and I mean petrified) without saying it explicitly (except at the end, but that was used to an excellent effect), but a few things bug me about it…

He dimly heard the man beside him talking on the phone but didn’t have the presence of mind to process just what he was saying.
Here you have Gabriel figure out that his kidnapper was using a phone (probably a cell phone) while he was blindfolded, but wouldn’t that require him to hear some dial tones or the snapping sound that’s made when it was opened? Telling how shaken up he is (he hardly could hear what Isaac was saying on the phone), it would take quite a bit of brainpower to realize that when the kidnapper was seemingly talking to nobody he was actually on the phone.

What had happened to his comic books? He must have dropped them on the bench.
This is a non-sequitur that kind of throws off the mood; it was only a sentence ago that we reestablished that there was a gun pointed at his head. I could see why you would want to save important evidence of Gabriel’s location from disappearing into thing air (along with the slyly planted drag tracks), but can you somehow move it to the exact moment of snatching? I mean, isn’t dropping something that you held in both hands kind of noticeable when you use the same to hands to do something completely different?

Now, look at this:

“Wh... what...” he began when the chaos in his mind began to settle on the question of what the kidnappers wanted, but his lips were still not quite reconnected to his brain and his mouth was still uncomfortably dry. “Why...?”

“You are a hostage,” said the man beside him, apparently no longer on the phone, though Gabriel hadn’t noticed when that happened. “As long as you don’t try anything and nobody calls the police, we won’t kill you. Be still.”

Nobody calls the police? About what? Gabriel tried to make sense of it; his brain alternated between thinking they meant about the kidnapping and thinking that would be circular logic. He couldn’t really think clearly enough to tell which was right. Not with a gun pointed at his head.
So we know Gabriel is not able to think properly, let alone speak in complete sentences, and then magically:

“Dave?” he called without thinking. “I’ve been kidnapped as a hostage and they have me in some car and I think we’re heading...”
He says everything that the kidnappers want him to say without a stutter. I can understand why he could bark out a one syllable name that is extremely familiar to him, but having him go on to say a full sentence and try to reveal something that he apparently figured out while he was blindfolded? Huh? Since when he was able to work on what he wanted to say during this car ride? How did he figure out where the car was even going if he couldn’t come with grips of his own thoughts? I’m just confused by this sudden grip of reality that came out of nowhere. <_>


Now for the conclusion. The beginning gives us a pleasantly odd Mia moment that shows us her murderous mantis ego (which is like saying a wet glass of water, but my statement still stands), a few splashes of foreshadowing and a smidge of throwback to chapters gone by (elyvorg seems to caught it as well). I can’t say the kidnapping took me by total surprise, though, as I was half expecting a pipe bomb to go off since Gabriel’s scene was so serene, and the fact that the kidnapping was revealed a few lines before kind of spoiled it. The terror described in that scene is done very well, giving several physical reactions to fear without even using that word until the very last line. The abrupt ending wasn’t that bad, really, due to the fact that nobody in the story really knows what’s going on either (elyvorg stole my answer, and I blame by lulling about while writing this review). And I saw that you had fun with several of these scenes, and I’m sure you (and your exact clone in fangirling tastes, elyvorg >_>) squeed in truckloads as you went through the kidnapping scene. The only problems I had with this chapter are the previously mentioned head scratchers and the short chapter length. Now only if these chapters came a bit faster… :p


-_______________- Kaw.
 

Dragonfree

Just me
Responses! :3

Sike Saner:

Gah, I covet your ability to do useful things with sleeplessness. X3;
Hehe, I usually can't do that. Like last night, when I could absolutely not sleep and the most useful thing I could do was listen to random Pokémon music on YouTube.

I'm glad the kidnapping twist was effective for you. Thanks for reading. :3

mattman324: Thanks for reading and reviewing, though you should generally be more specific when reviewing - all you really say about the story is that you like it and that it's violent, when it would be more useful to mention particular parts you thought were good or could have been done better. Try to expand on your reviews in the future for any stories you read on the forums.

asperger1981: Thanks, but... welcome back? I was never gone. o_O

The Pokémon powers wouldn't be in the story if I didn't plan to do anything with them.

The Great Butler: Hee, thanks. The arresting the wrong guy thing was supposed to be a plot twist in chapter ten, actually, since his name is given as Jacob there but Isaac in chapter four, but because it's been so ridiculously long since chapter four, very few people actually remembered it was a different name. xP Still works this way, though.

Atlidevil: Yay Icelandic. :D Yeah, the Pokémorphs are technically ten years old, although most of them are a bit mature beyond their years. It's just that Dave likes to swear with rather little regard to who is listening, especially when he's nervous or upset such as in this chapter. ;)

elvyorg: :D Thanks for the awesome review. Already answered your questions and concerns, so I won't repeat myself.

SlowCrow: Thanks for another awesome review! :D

Does she try to make everybody around her uncomfortable or does she do it unintentionally?
There in particular she's just thanking him for giving her a hotdog. :p

I'm also getting the feeling like it's something that you've randomly wondered and threw it in just for fun. Am I wrong? :D
You are, actually. I knew they were going to a birthday party and wanted to establish that somehow without going "THEY WERE GOING TO CHERYL'S BIRTHDAY PARTY" in the narration. I also wanted them to have some sort of a conversation going before they drive past Isaac. So I wrote that in out of the blue because it seemed like the sort of thing that would puzzle Mia about birthdays. I'd never thought about it before.

Mia doesn't really have a "human side". How human is it to complain that birthdays don't really make sense, honestly? It may be philosophical, but there's nothing uniquely human about that. Neither is her mind ever a one-track "MEATMEATMEAT" sort of thing. She just thinks differently about things.

I think this is the junction where you were able to connect the plot, seeing how quickly Mia latched onto the idea and how steadfastly, assuredly, and undisputable the idea is since it just hits so fast out of nowhere and is not based on any logic nor facts, but instead her own murderous instincts that just ooze from her Syther conscious.
Out of this entire chapter, that scene is actually the very oldest in terms of when I first thought of it. It wouldn't have been a very useful way to connect anything together, since it's just Mia saying something and Dave not believing her until he hears the same thing from somebody more credible. The scene is moot as far as the plot is concerned; the main point is it gets Dave all worked up.

The more she talks, the more I think she's using the Perceiving Eyes from Apollo Justice. And I know it's not just a coincidence either. XP
Actually, she's been doing that in a mild form since she was first introduced, and I wrote that well before I ever played the Ace Attorney series (chapter five was posted in August 2007, and I got the PW games sometime in 2008). This particular scene may or may not have already been prepared by the time I played Apollo Justice, but either way I never mentally linked the two until you mentioned it, funnily enough.

I could see you had a bit of fun in the few hours you wrote this. :p
I did. :p

(After reading the chapter, I found it didn't really matter if she told them or not, but I still find this interruption oddly faceplamish due to Dave’s temper getting in the way of the truth.)
Dave tends to do that.

(Okay, I've read through the kidnapping scheme and it has actually turns out that Isaac probably jumped into a car as soon as Dave and Mia saw him, making the above paragraph mostly null, but one has to wonder exactly how far Gabriel was from Dave and company when he was kidnapped.)
Why does it matter exactly how far he was from them? o.o I mean, it's not as if he was being kidnapped somewhere right outside, and as long as he's farther away than that, I'm not sure I see the significance of how far away he is. As you said, Isaac is gone by this point, and he's not in the same place as the kidnappers anyway, so the kidnappers' precise location seems irrelevant to me. Elaborate on what you mean?

Here you have Gabriel figure out that his kidnapper was using a phone (probably a cell phone) while he was blindfolded, but wouldn’t that require him to hear some dial tones or the snapping sound that’s made when it was opened? Telling how shaken up he is (he hardly could hear what Isaac was saying on the phone), it would take quite a bit of brainpower to realize that when the kidnapper was seemingly talking to nobody he was actually on the phone.
Hmm, good point. Maybe I should make Gabriel see the guy pick up his phone while he's handing him the scarf. (I still want to keep the allusion to the fact they're calling Isaac to confirm the kidnapping went through fine.)

This is a non-sequitur that kind of throws off the mood; it was only a sentence ago that we reestablished that there was a gun pointed at his head. I could see why you would want to save important evidence of Gabriel’s location from disappearing into thing air (along with the slyly planted drag tracks), but can you somehow move it to the exact moment of snatching?
I actually put that there precisely for the non-sequitur effect. His thoughts are really jumbled at this moment and random stuff like the comic books he must have dropped and how Jack must worry about him bubbles to the surface aside the fear and confusion and other "here and now" thoughts. In fact, somehow I hadn't thought of the dropped comics as evidence of his location at all.

He says everything that the kidnappers want him to say without a stutter. I can understand why he could bark out a one syllable name that is extremely familiar to him, but having him go on to say a full sentence and try to reveal something that he apparently figured out while he was blindfolded? Huh? Since when he was able to work on what he wanted to say during this car ride? How did he figure out where the car was even going if he couldn’t come with grips of his own thoughts? I’m just confused by this sudden grip of reality that came out of nowhere. <_>
The idea was that hearing something familiar like Dave's voice providing a sudden spark of hope gives him at least the ability to talk and try to blurt out whatever information he can think of. He doesn't actually know where they're heading, but tries to take a spontaneous guess because it's his only hope at getting himself rescued. I'm not sure precisely how realistic any of this is, since I've obviously never been in that situation, so eh. Could probably be done better.

And I saw that you had fun with several of these scenes, and I’m sure you (and your exact clone in fangirling tastes, elyvorg >_>) squeed in truckloads as you went through the kidnapping scene.
Oh, no. Elyvorg has a thing for terror. I have a thing for men in a lot of pain and characters who think they're tough being cruelly broken down psychologically (see Dave and, of course, Velotus). It can overlap, but it's totally different. :3 Gabriel's kidnapping is less of a squee thing for me and more of an awww thing.

I'll try to write faster! D:
 

SlowCrow

Fence Crow
Eh, I guess giving you a chunky review to see after many, many short ones was the least I could have done. But thanks, regardless. :D

Dave tends to do that.
And I wonder how writers can stand having their characters getting in the way of their own intentions and goals. <_>

As you said, Isaac is gone by this point, and he's not in the same place as the kidnappers anyway, so the kidnappers' precise location seems irrelevant to me. Elaborate on what you mean?
Waitwaitwait, what do you mean Isaac isn't in the same place as the kidnappers? Didn't he say his name when he called Dave using his cell phone? And didn't he also tell Dave to call Gabriel's cell phone if he wanted to know for sure? If the kidnapper was really calling Isaac to call Dave, then wouldn't the time gap between the kidnapper's call to Gabriel's phone be a bit longer than it is? Didn't the kidnapper also use the word "kidnapping" (which Gabriel picked up on) like Isaac did to his call with Dave? I'm confused again. @_@

Anyway, if Gabriel was close by when he was kidnapped, the comic books and drag marks would be found pretty quickly when Dave and company take a lap around the neighborhood. As for what they would do when they find those things, I don't really know.

(I still want to keep the allusion to the fact they're calling Isaac to confirm the kidnapping went through fine.)
I could have sworn that was Isaac in the car, oddly enough...

In fact, somehow I hadn't thought of the dropped comics as evidence of his location at all.
Well, seeing how it was purchased from a store whose employment knew Gabriel fairly well (and therefore could be inquired by Dave and co.), was dropped in the exact location where Gabriel was supposed to be picked up, and had a fair bit of set-up to it as well, it's kinda hard not to see how it could be used to find the scene of the crime. Let's not forget the red flags that are the drag marks he left behind.

Oh, no. Elyvorg has a thing for terror. I have a thing for men in a lot of pain and characters who think they're tough being cruelly broken down psychologically (see Dave and, of course, Velotus). It can overlap, but it's totally different. :3 Gabriel's kidnapping is less of a squee thing for me and more of an awww thing.
Er, well, you are still both sadists living in isolation in the middle of an island to me, anyway. And I mean that in the kindest possible way. >_>'

I'll try to write faster! D:
NO! Do, or do not, there is no try. Try is a synonym of failure! >o<


-______________- Kaw.
 

Dragonfree

Just me
And I wonder how writers can stand having their characters getting in the way of their own intentions and goals. <_>
But that's so fun! D:

Waitwaitwait, what do you mean Isaac isn't in the same place as the kidnappers? Didn't he say his name when he called Dave using his cell phone? And didn't he also tell Dave to call Gabriel's cell phone if he wanted to know for sure? If the kidnapper was really calling Isaac to call Dave, then wouldn't the time gap between the kidnapper's call to Gabriel's phone be a bit longer than it is? Didn't the kidnapper also use the word "kidnapping" (which Gabriel picked up on) like Isaac did to his call with Dave? I'm confused again. @_@
The kidnappers were ready where Gabriel was. Isaac was still near the Kerrigans' house, since he was after all there minutes earlier when Dave and Mia were driving into the street. After capturing Gabriel, they called Isaac to confirm it had gone through smoothly; Isaac then handled the actual call to Dave immediately afterwards, but since he wasn't with the actual kidnappers, he couldn't just make Gabriel shout something into his phone right away, hence needing to tell Dave to call Gabriel's phone. Then Dave called Gabriel immediately afterwards. The time gap may seem shorter than it is in Gabriel's scene, but that's mainly because a few seconds are lost while he's unable to think properly. No idea what you're on about with the word "kidnapping", though. o_O

Anyway, if Gabriel was close by when he was kidnapped, the comic books and drag marks would be found pretty quickly when Dave and company take a lap around the neighborhood. As for what they would do when they find those things, I don't really know.
They will be found pretty quickly anyway; remember that Gabriel was waiting for Jack's mom to pick him up in a designated location when he was captured. The moment she gets there, she'll notice something is up. It was never in the picture that it would be hard to find the place they abducted him from.
 
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