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Mr. Dervish [One-Shot] PG-13

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by [Imaginative]:[Clockwork], Aug 17, 2011.

  1. [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]

    [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] X-treme trainer

    This is kind of an odd (and tiny) one-shot, which makes sense considering it just kind of popped into my head one day without any reasoning. It's rated PG-13 because it's a little bit dark and has some semi-bad language. It might be more PG but I just wanted to be safe.

    Oh, and for those (like me, before I looked it up) that don't know, Dervish is Earl's (the teacher from Violet City) last name. ;)

    Mr. Dervish

    I would have studied for the exam if I had thought there was any chance I could have passed. I really, really would have. But I learned on day one that the best I can hope for in the classroom are moral victories so I don’t even bother expending any effort academically. I mean, you can’t win a battle against someone with the power to make you lose, right? Well… you can win, but only if you’re willing to think outside the box.

    Of course, I was somehow the only one in the entire class who had no idea what he was doing. Susie freaking sailed through the two-hundred questions and just like always, she used her flabby forearm to guard all her answers so I couldn’t cheat. She’s so gross. Ever heard of deodorant, sicko?

    Mr. Dervish just kept dancing in front of the chalkboard. Like, what the hell is that? Did he think that people liked him because he danced like an idiot? I can say this much: I hated him. It’s totally crazy, but somehow the sight of his tumbling fat rolls rippling beneath his suit didn’t make learning any more bearable.

    Anyway, I had gotten about six answers down, half of which were smartass jokes made out of frustration, when Mr. Dervish’s insanely low time limit ended and everyone slammed their writing utensils down obediently. I rolled my eyes and flicked my blue pen to the side, earning yet another I’m-the-teacher-so-I-have-to-pretend-to-like-you-even-though-I-hate-you looks from Mr. Dervish.

    Good lord, what a chubby, pathetic loser.

    He collected our papers, glancing at mine and squeaking out a mean-spirited chuckle. I didn’t care, though. Okay, I did care, if only because I thought he had won yet again, but it’s not like it matters now. Since Mr. Dervish died before he got to grade any of the papers, I just bet that we’ll get a retake with some last-minute replacement teacher.

    I look into the casket, noting that his fat cheeks are no longer their usual obese person red. They’re now as white as the skin underneath Susie’s thick, tangled arm hair. Haha, Susie, you’re so butch.

    It almost seems like some of these people know. I feel like people keep looking at me between their dramatic sobs. There’s no way they could know already though. I bet they’re just staring because I’m in a T-shirt and swimming trunks. Give me a break, people, I’m going to the lake after this and I don’t wanna go all the way home to change out of a suit.

    I really don’t know why I was so upset about the test. I guess it was just the final nail in the coffin. I mean, it’s not like I never tried. His tests were just way too hard and, considering I was the only one who wasn’t passing the class, I have to assume that they were designed specifically to make me fail. From the very first test, I could see that I was the enemy. No reason. Just baseless hate against an excellent young man.


    And I knew I wouldn’t be the last. That’s why I did it. To protect others from Mr. Dervish’s disgusting prejudices against funny, skinny people like me. If I hadn’t caught him after class that day, who knows what kind of injustices would be committed down the road? You’re welcome, future badasses.

    It was kind of hilarious, now that I think about it. His beady little eyes bulged out from between his bushy eyebrows and flubbery cheeks when I got a hold of him. There wasn’t much preparation on my part, but I did the best I could with just my own two hands. I’ve imagined the exact scenario dozens of times but I never thought he’d be so doughy. The best part is that he actually tried to make some snarky remark about my study habits when I started talking to him… I think… it was so hard to understand him sometimes. Anyway, I’m sure he regretted it during his last few gasping moments. That’s the best part. That second when he realized that I was in control of him.

    Oh, Mr. Dervish. If only you’d seen my potential. But it’s too late for that. It’s also getting too late for me to stay here, staring at you while your body practically overflows out of the casket. It’s prime swimming time!

    I don’t know if I’ll get caught. I guess it’s possible, considering I didn’t really create an alibi or anything. I don’t know. Right now I just want to forget about school drama and get my summer started the right way: at the lake!
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2011
  2. Drat

    Drat Don't Bother None

    Now that is a great way to start summer. (too bad it just ended)

    Really, this is right up my alley. Weird, dark, yet with that kind of off kilter humor that makes people shake their heads and smile. I have to wonder, though, if this really belongs in the pokemon fic forums. The only part that referenced pokemon was in the very beginning, and it could have been replaced easily by something like Calculus or Literature. Still though, no matter what universe you put it in, it will still do just fine. i like the way you set up Mr. Dervish's character as the 'sadistic teacher' as we've all had that kind of mentor before. It made it a softer, but still surprising moment, to hear about his death by the narrator. Part of me has to wonder whether he was really such a bad guy or whether the person speaking is just deluding themselves to the point where he is truly the devil incarnate. I can, at least, assume he does a little bit of this as evidenced by,

    Well, I guess it kind of ends up as mystery, which may be how you wanted it.

    Now, I'm off to go find some crayons in the color of 'obese person red'.
  3. [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]

    [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] X-treme trainer

    Haha, glad you liked it. Mr. Dervish is actually Earl (I don't know if you ever played GSC/HGSS, but he's a teacher in Violet City) and he's a pretty nice guy. So yeah, it's supposed to just be some crazy student who jacks around all class and thinks the teacher's just mean and hates him for no reason when he's really earned any of the hate he gets. I've never written anything like this before (like you said, with the strange humor and oddball plot) so it was a neat experience. :D And lol, I'm glad that line worked. It sounded kind of weird in my head.

    Thank you so much for reviewing!
  4. GalladeRocks

    GalladeRocks Son of a Beach

    Huh, now this is interesting. Weird and dark, which is awesome. Downright bizarre, to be honest. Any fic which even mentions Earl Dervish is bizarre, given that he seems to be a relatively unknown/forgotten character in the Pokemon community. I can only assume that's part of the reason you chose him as the victim of the deranged slacker narrator?

    Overall, I like some of your other one-shots, namely Fad, Smart Kids, and Why did you die? better, but this is still an astounding work of literature.
  5. [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]

    [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] X-treme trainer

    Honestly, I got a sudden inspiration of Earl! and just had to write something about him. Somehow I got the idea of a student killing him. XD

    Well at least you still liked this one! :) Thanks for reviewing.
  6. Kutie Pie

    Kutie Pie "It is my destiny."

    Holy fudge, that was excellent.

    I'm really at a loss for words. This indeed has to be one of the darkest stories I've read, despite its subtlety. You never gave an age for the narrator, but if I remember what the school is about, it's for teaching people how to become a better Trainer by remembering techniques. So it's an all-ages school, in which you've hinted at that he's a teenager.

    And boy, oh-boy does this remind me more and more of Higurashi, only except the character murdered knowingly and willingly. And the murder happened off-screen. I take it he was strangled... or he scared him into a heart attack? It's a myyyyysteryyyyy... *flails arms wildly in front*

    Sorry about that...

    I'm sad this wasn't any longer, but I suppose that's what you're great at doing: making us beg for more of your stories. And I suppose that's what I'm doing right now. Yeah...


    More! More!
  7. [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]

    [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] X-treme trainer

    Glad you liked it. :) I wanted to give kind of a twisted happiness in that the narrator is pretty calm about such an insane event. And yes, he's supposed to be in his teens, since I don't think the game ever game any specific ages.

    Lol, I've never seen Higurashi. I'll have to look that up. And I'll probably be adding more details later, but I didn't intend for the murder method to be clear (although I could see how you could get choking from the bulging eyes part). But for now, it is indeed a myyyyysteryyyyy!!! :O

    I really wanted to make it longer, but I felt like I couldn't go on too long without it becoming more rambly than in already is. XD But I'm glad you liked it anyway! I have no plans for anything new right now, but I'll probably catch some random bunny soon. :D

    Thanks for the review!
  8. Grei

    Grei not the color

    This sort of narration is always so fun to read, where the narrator slowly tells his story, slipping hints that overall darken the story a little at a time.

    Poor Earl. D:

    But fantastic job. I really like how you portrayed the speaker here. A lot of fics with this narration style simply portray the speaker as an innocent, with bits of insanity. In this case, the reader gets the impression that the speaker is an actual delinquent, and that it's not only that he doesn't really see what he did as wrong, but also that he simply couldn't care less. I think I prefer this badass killer to the disturbed killer of other fics, so great job. :)
  9. [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]

    [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] X-treme trainer

    I have to admit, I had a lot of fun writing this, since I pretty much just let loose and wrote whatever came into my head at the time, which is apparently a sort of dark humor. XD

    I wanted him to be guilty, but with just enough of a delusional attitude that you wonder if you can really blame someone who has almost no grip on the difference between right and wrong. Like I said, his smugness really made writing this thing easy. :)

    Anyway, thanks for reviving this and reviewing! It really made my day to see a one-shot of mine back on the front page, since I've been having trouble getting something substantial onto the page lately.

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