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My AAML (dignity flys out window)

Nylf

Well-Known Member
My AAML: Christmas in Cerulean(aka the 31 day promise)

The big promise.​


Ash lay in the Cerulean City Pokemon Centre, awake. He had successfully beaten the battle factory, and while it was a much lesser accomplishment, he felt more than when he came second in the Hoenn League.

He thought about the other challenges he had faced and accomplished with this feeling. The Indigo plateau was one, as was the Orange league, the Whirl cup and finally the Silver Conferance. Oh, there was also Mewtwo, the chosen one incident in the Orange islands, the Unown incident in Greenfield, the rescue of Celebi from the Iron Masked Marauder and the capture of Latios at Alto Mare. What about Jirachi? No, that wasn't one. Maybe Deoxys and Rayquaza. Nope, didn't get it then either. What is differant about the first events from the second set of ones?

He got up and left. He stood and looked at Cerulean Gym. He went inside and sat by the pool. He knew Misty wouldn't mind, and he always felt better sitting by the water, especially when he had.....

Then it hit him like several tonnes of bricks.(A tonne of bricks wouldn't affect his thick skull enough). Misty! She was what made his victories complete. But why was that? He lay back on the tiles and began to think.

Meanwhile, nearby, Misty lay awake in her room. She was confused. A lot had happened recently, Ash had gotten his greatest title, second place in the Hoenn league. She should be happy for him, but every time she looked at him, she felt sad. Her new Azurill helped, but not a lot. She was even more confused by the fact that Ash wasn't bragging about it as much as he used to with the other leagues. Maybe he had matured. No, he was still bragging as much as usual for his battle factory win. Why wasn't he as pleased with his Hoenn wins as he was with the battle factory win? She decided to go down to the pool to help herself think.....

She was about to sit down when she noticed someone sitting by the pool. Her Gyarados's pokeball at the ready, she walked over to the other figure. "Hey Misty!" She knew at once it was Ash. She sat down beside him after putting Gyarados's pokeball away.

"What are you doing here Ash?" she asked. "Just thinking" he answered. He sounded more mature than usual, so she resisted the joke in the back of her mind. "Oh, congratulations again on coming second in the Hoenn league!". she said, desperatly trying to break the silence. "Yeah, thanks I guess" he replied in a less than thrilled tone. " I don't get you at the moment Ash, you spent hours bragging about how you won the Battle Factory with ease, which isn't how I saw it by the way, and yet when I expected you to do the same with your Hoenn League achievement, you act as if it as insignificant as beating a Lv5 Rattata with a Lv100 Charizard!" She continued. " I dunno why this is, it's just the Hoenn accomplishment doesn't feel right, thats all" was all he could say to answer."Really, then what does?" she then inquired.

Ash spent the next few minutes going through all his accoplisments which he had achieved when Misty had been there, not mentioning the fact it was because of her being there all the achievements felt right. "Oh" was all she had to say afterwards. She then went silent, trying to work out what made those events and the ones in Hoenn differant.

Ash was worried. He had to do or say something before she worked it out. He played his trump card. "Looks like I'll be leaving Cerulean with Brock, May and Max tomorrow". Just saying those words tore Ash in 2 deep down, but he knew he had to say something. Misty came back to reality, and with a sly grin on her face she replied "Oh no you're not Ash Ketchum, or did you forget your promise already?," Ash merely looked on, puzzled. Misty continued" Well you might have, but I haven't. Remember back in Sootopolis? You had just gotten your 8th gym badge, so you called me and said 'Misty, it looks like I'll probably be in Kanto by Christmas, so if we reach Cerulean by December the 1st, I promise I will spend all of Advent, right up to the day after new years, with you in Cerulean' and today is December 1st, so you won't be going anywhere for over a month". She had a huge grin on her face. He couldn't blame her, since he was just as pleased about this as she was. They both went silent and looked at the stars through the ceiling.Then something unexpected happened...

Ash put his arm around Misty's shoulder, and she did the same to him. They were in a light embrace, staring at the stars and reminiscing for a few minutes. Then they realised what they were doing and broke out of the embrace, and turned away from each other, so that the other couldn't see the fact that both had turned a deep scarlet in embarrassment.

I have now merged the first 2 chapters into one big one, so opinions soon please!
 
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N

Needs a Celebi

Guest
It's a bit to serious. Liven it up a bit. Other than that, I like it.
 

Burnt Flower

Horror Mistress
Hmm...Will this be a multi-chaptered story? Because the plot seems a bit flimsy.

I didn't find any spelling errors, so good job on that. However, I found some grammar mistakes; there were some choppy sentences like the following example:
He stood and looked at Cerulean Gym. He went inside and sat by the pool.

These two sentences could've prefectly been merged into one, like this:

He stood and looked at Cerulean Gym, then went inside and sat by the pool.

And this sentence:
Ash lay in the Cerulean City Pokemon Centre, awake.

Would've been better written as this:

Ash lay awake in the Cerulean City Pokemon Centre.

You also have some problems with quotation marks:
She continued. " I dunno why this is, it's just the Hoenn accomplishment doesn't feel right, thats all" was all he could say to answer."Really, then what does?" she then inquired.

It should be (and even then, the sentence structure is a bit awkward):

She continued, "I dunno why this is, it's just the Hoenn accomplishment doesn't feel right, thats all," was all he could say to answer. "Really, then what does?" she then inquired.

There was also a complete lack of decription; I have no idea how anything looks like, much less the pool area. Add some more details so your readers can have an enriching experience.

And I felt like Ash's revelation that Misty completed his victories was too sudden. I really can't see a foreseeable plot for this story, unless it's the typical AAML story where the two of them reveal their feelings after an indecribable amount of time and then fall in 'love' in the end. In other words, 99.6% of all AAML stories.

Better leave it as a one-shot only.
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
This is not a one-shot!

;330;I'm afraid to say i've already written the second chapter and here it is. Anyway theirs twist turns, and not that much romance, I'm still learning. And can anyone say HO-OH? Seriously, just to keep interest I'm spoiling THIS AND THIS ALONE. Ho-oh is turning up. And the angst is gonna be as real as I can get it. This was just to set up the angst.Anyway, regardless of opinion I'm going to keep writing this. This is a learning experiance, 'cos I'm practicing my writing over the holidays before I go back to school. The following chapter lightens up more, and anyway, there is more to this than Pokeshipping, there is Contest Shipping(A teeny tiny bit) and a little Daisy x Tracy, some battles and a real laughable moment. The beginning was written when I was learning, so the this one will be much better.(I hope).

December 2nd

Ash wandered around the immense city of Cerulean. The night before, Misty had reminded him of the promise he had made back at Sootopolis. Not that he wasn't glad to be spending Christmas with Misty in Cerulean, because he was glad, in fact overjoyed at the idea, but he hadn't taken this large a gap in his journey before. Even the leagues lasted only a fortnight, and when he was preparing for the leagues he was always journeying and battling. But now he had at least two weeks before the major part of the Christmas season really started with nothing to do. What was he going to do ? Then a poster on the bright blue walls of the Cerulean mall caught his eye....

Meanwhile, May, Max and Brock were still getting what had happened that morning sorted out in their heads...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Right, time to go!" said May gleefully.
"I'm afraid not May," Ash cut in.
"What, why?" May swiftly replied.
"Well," Ash went in an embarrassed tone, with a forced grin on his face and his hand behind his head, "We're staying in Cerulean between now and January the second,"
"What! That's an entire month! I'll suppose you can give a good explanation?" May questioned, looking grumpy and resting her hands on her hips. Still rubbing the back of his head, Ash answered,
"Well I sorta promised Misty we would, when we were back in Sootopolis." The chaos that followed cannot b described. Nurse Joy fainted, and Brock gladly caught her. Max hid behind a chair, and Ash was lucky to survive. After it was over, May sighed and said quite calmly "At least we know where we're spending Christmas." Everyone except May promptly face faulted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I can't believe Ash would promise something like that," May complained, in a very grumpy tone. Deep down, Brock knew Ash would. When he had seen that they would be in Cerulean around Christmas time, he knew Ash would use this an excuse to spend time with Misty. He also knew why, and he knew that both Ash and Misty didn't actually know the full reason why they wanted to spend Christmas together. He couldn't tell them, because if Max overheard, he would tease, if May overheard, she would tease and get involved, and he knew it would be better if the two worked it out for themselves.

"Christmas Battle Tournament, December Fifth at Cerulean Gym. To be hosted by The Three Sensational Cerulean Sisters; Daisy, Violet and Lily!"
"What about Misty?" Ash thought to hmself, as he continued to read all the large print on the poster, as well as enjoy the cool graphics of all 9 starter pokemon battling.
<"Why don't you enter Ash?"> chirped Pikachu.
"Good idea Pikachu" answered Ash as he grinned to himself.

Back at the Gym, Misty was suffering a serious case of confusion. Why had Ash promised to spend a whole month in Cerulean? It wasn't like him to stop journeying for a whole month, even for Christmas. It wasn't that she wasn't glad he was staying. In fact she was thrilled, but still, why? And then there was what he had said the previous night. His battle factory win, and all his achievements before going to Hoenn, felt better than all his achievements in Hoenn. Why was that? It couldn't be to do with her, could it? That was the only differance she cold think of. Maybe she and Ash were so close that Ash's wins didn't feel right without her. Nah, she and Ash were just friends. She hated that. She often got teased by her sisters about her and Ash, and occasionly she did think that maybe she did like Ash as more than a friend, like at Maiden's Peak, when Mewtwo and Mew petrified him, in the Orange Islands when the prophecy was being fulfilled and Lugia got knocked out after Ash had gotten the third treasure, when that gymleader asked her to stay with him and most recently both times she had had to say goodbye to him, but she knew she and Ash would never be more than friends. She looked ove to the main pool, it's glistening waters reflecting the sky above, and she thought that know she knew what Ash meant, it was nice to know he had missed her........

"There, all registered!" Ash said to Pikachu, as he left the huge white building, sporting the usual pokeball motif and the sign reading "Cerulean Pokemon Centre" with a huge grin on his face.
<"Ash, did you read the fine print on the poster?" Pikach chattered.
"Why Pikachu?" Ash questioned
<"Well, I did, and there's something I think you should know.">
"Why don't you just tell me?"
<"Because I think it would be better if you read it yourself"> Pikachu finished with a huge grin on his little yellow face.
Following Pikachu's opinion, he headed back over to the big. blue Cerulean Mall, and read the fine print on the poster.
"We, the Three Sensational Cerulean Sisters, accept no liability for injury or death of either pokemon or trainer during our tournament. The winner will go on to fight Misty Waterflower, the Cerulean City Gym Leader, for the title of best trainer in all of Cerulean at Christmas time."

"So May, when are we going to do the Christmas shopping?" Max asked, before remembering what his sister's reaction would be to the mention of "Christmas" and "Shopping" in the same sentence would be. As Max had foreseen, May began grinning ear to ear,"Not until we know what everyone wants" she answered in a very giggly tone. Max knew what he wanted, a differant sister....

" I'VE GOTTA FIGHT MISTY!?!" Ash shouted, fortunatly though the other people ignored him and continued walking in and out of the revolving doors of the mall.
<"How do you know you're gonna win the tournament?">
"Oh come on Pikachu, I'm better than any trainer in Cerulean" Ash said in a proud but stressed tone.
<"What about Misty?"> Pikachu followed up with.
"Okay, almost every trainer in Cerulean," Ash answered.
<"Woh, did you just Misty's better than you?">
"No, more like just as good, but it's Misty, I can't fight her,"
<"Oh really, why not?">
"Well it's just that it's Misty,"
<"That didn't stop you at the Whirl Cup, or when you caught Totodile, or even way back when we first began our journey, and you wanted the Cascade Badge, did it?">
"No, but this is differant. I haven't seen her for over half a year, and I will have been with her again for a week, and then I have to battle her. It was about 2 months before I had to fight her the first time, and anyway I've got a lot on my mind at the moment,"
<"Yeah, mainly your skull, but also that whole 'Hoenn accomplishments don't feel right' thing. Y'now what, I know why and I also know why you can't fight Misty and it's the same bl**** answer YOU LOVE MISTY!!!!">
"How many times have I told you Pikachu, we're just friends, always have been, always will be."
<"Yeah, that's what 'Mr. Oblivious to any feeling other than friendship, pride, sadness and HUNGER!' says. Tell me, for once what does your heart say?">
"I d'know, but my stomach says I'm hungry, so let's get something to eat, then head back to the gym, it's getting dark,"
<"Fine, saw that coming, but my opinion still stands"> Pikachu said grumpily, as Ash and Pikachu walked into the mall, then over to a small purple café with a neon sign showing a Gyrados and Milotic eating sushi. Ash entered and promptly ordered everything, and extra ketchup for Pikachu, while wondering why the heck two fish pokemon would promote eating sushi....

Back at the gym, Misty was sitting on the white tiles by the pool, feeding all her pokemon while waiting for the pizza to arrive which she had ordered almost an hour ago. She watched Gyrados doze around on it's own, and she thought to herself "I wish I had a pokemon big enough to play with Gyarados, but I don't want another Gyarados, it was painful enough training this one," remembering the poison stings she endured from the Tentacruel she had fought back when she became a Gym leader, "I mean Gyarados is fine with the other pokemon, but it is too big to play with the others the way they play together. I'll probably ask Ash what water pokemon is similarly sized to a Gyarados, but is easier to train." A knock came at the door. "Finally, my pizza!" she said in a pleased tone. She opened the door. "Hi Misty!" It was May, Max and Brock. "Oh, hi guys, I was expecting someone else", Your boyfriend, or Ash, or are both one and the same?" May replied grinning . "NO, no and definetly not!" Misty replied waving her hands and trying to hide the fact she was blushing. "No I was expecting my pizza, what do you want anyway?" she inquired. "Well we can't stay at the pokemon centre for a whole month, so we were wondering if we could stay here with you?" Brock asked. "Fine, fine come in," Misty answered, as they entered the enormous blue room, with windows along the walls and in the roof, with white floors, two enormous stands on the side, a crystal clear pool with a huge high dive and a door that led to the house part of the gym. "Wow, this place is cool" Max said, as he stared around the room, mouth open in awe. "Yeah, can I let Squirtle in the pool?" May asked, as she noticed the water field with all sorts of pokemon swimming around. Brock had released his Ludicolo and Mudkip alongside May's Squirtle and Munchlax(it let itself out as usual) whn there came another knock at the door.

"If this isn't my pizza, the person had better have a good reason to turn up" Misty said, in a both hungry and stressed tone. She opened the door just a bit to peek through. "Hi Mist!"
"Pika<"Yeah, hi Ash's true love">". It was Ash and Pikachu. She opened the door as Ash walked in staring angrily at Pikachu. "Hey I brought takeaway Sushi for everyone" Ash said, as he lifted up two bags with a grin on his face. Everyone looked on in shock. "Hey, don't look so surprised. Pikachu wanted to take some ketchup home, so I figured I'd better bring everyone some takeout". Everyone was still in shock, but when he laid out the spread in the small dining room, which had Milotic and Gyarados motif tiles on the walls and blue carpeting, they quickly regained their composure and were about to tuck in, when there came another knock at the door. Misty answered it once more. "Pizza here for Misty Waterflower," the specky teenager said, as he handed Misty the pizza. "Payment please," he added, but Misty said with a proud grin,
"It's been more than half an hour, so it's free!" The teen turned round and climbed on his red pizza delivery scooter then drove off.

When everyone had finished eating, they all collapsed on the red leather sofa in the living room, with the same blue carpet as the dining hall, large windows as the pool area, and pale blue wallpaper. Max turned on the T.V. A news program came on, which said " We have had reports that three days ago in the Astra region, there was a large gathering of supposed legendary pokemon over the whirlwind plains. No pictures available at this time, but this report is still unconfirmed."
"Max, change channel, this is dull" May said in a bored tone. Ash was the only one who had shown any interest in the news. When Max changed channel, a heart with an arrow throgh it was spiralling on screen, followed by the words "Love is confusing".
"Oh, no, not that" Ash whined, but Misty, Brock and May's interest had been peaked. Max, Ash and Pikachu knew better than to complain now, so they went to bed.
"So, what's happening this week Brock?" May asked.
"Well May, this week, Suila is going on a date with Tac, even though she loves Drake, but thinks that Drake sees her as a friend, even though Drake loves her but thinks she sees him as just a friend, and he wants to ruin their date, and Terra is helping, because she is in love with Tac, but is too shy to admit it," Brock answered.
"Ooh, sounds really good," Misty answered happily.

As May, Misty and Brock enjoyed watching "Love is Confusing", and Max and Ash talked about the tournament and other pokemon related topics, a figure appeared in the sky. It was 12ft long, with huge eyes whch had black rings around them, a small four feather crown, a green band around it's neck, a red body with a white underbelly, two purple feet, a huge yellow bonfire-like tail and two multi-coloured wings. It descended slowly and landed on the pink and yellow roof of the Cerulean Gym, seated on top of the large Dewgong sign. It chuckled quietly to itself, as it noticed what May, Misty and Brock were watching.
<"It is amazing the many ways fate will reveal itself, to those who will soon walk it's path">
 
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lone_wolf816

Guest
Yay another chapter!!^_^ I like how you used names from your other fic too! no wonder Brock is watching that show.... keep it up!

;133;
 

Lady Barbara

Ocean Girl
A few remarks on grammar. The plot seems to be pretty good for an AAML. When you are writing dialogue, you must begin a new paragraph when a different person speaks. Hence, the fic should look like this:
"Finally, my pizza!" she said in a pleased tone. She opened the door.
"Hi Misty!" It was May, Max and Brock. Who exactly is speaking here? You didn't clarify this.

"Oh, hi guys, I was expecting someone else."
"Your boyfriend, or Ash, or are both one and the same?" May replied, grinning .
"NO, no and definetly not!" Misty replied waving her hands and trying to hide the fact she was blushing. "No I was expecting my pizza, what do you want anyway?" she inquired.

Definitely, not definetly. Use spellcheck before you post a chapter.

"Well we can't stay at the pokemon centre for a whole month, so we were wondering if we could stay here with you?" Brock asked.

"Fine, fine come in," Misty answered, as they entered the enormous blue room, with windows along the walls and in the roof, with white floors, two enormous stands on the side, a crystal clear pool with a huge high dive and a door that led to the house part of the gym.

The description you gave is a run-on sentence. Try wording it differently: They entered an enormous blue room, lit by natural sunlight streaming through the windows on the walls and roof. The floors were tiled in white. Two large stands stood at opposite ends of the door. They walked past the crystal clear pool with a high dive towards the door that led to the house portion of the Cerulean Gym.

"Wow, this place is cool" Max said, as he stared around the room, mouth open in awe.

"Yeah, can I let Squirtle in the pool?" May asked, as she noticed the water field with all sorts of pokemon swimming around.

Brock had released his Ludicolo and Mudkip alongside May's Squirtle and Munchlax(it let itself out as usual) whn there came another knock at the door.

It's pretty decent for an AAML, but it could be better with a little more effort.
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; Bloody hell! Someone rating who I didn't ask! There is a god, this proves it! Anyway they all said "Hi Misty!". And I'm still learning how to write properly. Glad you like it. Wait for December 21st...(in fic, not reality) Oh yeah, I'm off on holiday tommorrow, so the next chapter won't be up for about a week(Maybe longer, romance is the type of writing I have the most trouble with. Unfortunatly, all my fanfics include it!)(It's not accidntal, I prefer to learn through experience)
 
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I NEVER miss out of a chance to read ANY AAML fic that exists. No matter how small the shipper may be. :)

Now, you are putting things in a more serious matter, which is quite interesting indeed. (But if it gets really serious, don't go too far, unless you really want to, okay? I really don't recommend that in the end.)

It's kinda intresting how you are putting in the translated text. Even Pikachu is a Pokeshipper. ^_^ (Of course, we should've seen that coming.) :D

Oh, and you lack romance ability in stories? Then may the master of love of SPPf help you. (That's me.) ^_^; (PM me if you really believe you need the help.)

Anyways, now Ash is in a delimma. Ash forgot to read the fine print at the bottom. Now he has to fight his GIRLFRIEND!!

Ash: She is NOT my GIRLFRIEND!!

(Hehe! Sorry, couldn't resist.) :)

I really can't wait for that battle.

Hmm, I wonder who else is in the tournament. (Here's hoping for some rivaliers.) :)

Please PM me when you get the next chapter up. :)

See ya later. ^_^
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; Once more BLOODY HELL! It's days like this which reaffirm my catholicism. Anyway, it will lighten up, then get serious etcetera. Next chapters in the works. Heres a spoiler:

[spoil] "Hey Ho-oh, how you're doing!" yelled Ash
<wazzaf***isgoingonwhattimeissityouletChelolysleepinMew, oh hey Ash" Ho-oh drowsily replied.[/spoil]

only a short once to tempt more readers!
 
L

lone_wolf816

Guest
Shiny Flygon said:
;330; Once more BLOODY HELL! It's days like this which reaffirm my catholicism. Anyway, it will lighten up, then get serious etcetera. Next chapters in the works. Heres a spoiler:

[spoil] "Hey Ho-oh, how you're doing!" yelled Ash
<wazzaf***isgoingonwhattimeissityouletChelolysleepinMew, oh hey Ash" Ho-oh drowsily replied.[/spoil]

only a short once to tempt more readers!

Very rude Ho-oh! Although i dont see how ash knows him so well when he only saw Ho-oh not talked to him>_< I'llbe awating the next chapter

;197;
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; Here’s the next chapter!

Dec. 3rd
It was a beautiful morning. The birds were singing, the sun was peeking over the hills and Ash was screaming in pain!?
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!” he screamed, as Pikachu used a Thunderbolt attack on him, forcing a large amount of electricity into the poor boy.
<“ Wake up Ash! We’ve got a visitor!”> Pikachu yelled (although to anyone in the vicinity other than Ash and Misty, it was just “Pika!”)
“Okay first, what visitor makes you wake me up at four in the morning? Second, why four in the morning? And finally, why-did-you-attempt-to-kill-me?” asked a smoking and charred Ash, as quietly as his anger would let him speak.
<“First, Ho-oh, second, I didn’t want anyone else to know he’s here, and last, only way I could think to wake you up at four in the morning.”> Pikachu replied, rather stern in tone. (Well as stern as a Pikachu can sound.)
“Fine, give me five minutes to get dressed, and then I’ll meet Ho-oh” Ash said, less annoyed than before, but still slightly moody.

Five minutes later, Ash had met up with Pikachu by the pool, and they had both gone outside. Sitting on top of the ‘Cerulean Gym’ sign was the bird from the previous night.
Hey Ho-oh, how you're doing!" yelled Ash
<“Wazzaf***isgoingonwhattimeissityouletChelolysleepinMew, oh hey Ash"> Ho-oh drowsily replied.
“Why are you here Ho-oh?” Ash inquired, trying to keep his voice down, but still be able to have Ho-oh hear what he’s saying.
<“Just a run-of-the-mill check Ash me lad. You know how it’s been since the Mallain incident a few months back. Have had to keep a closer eye on kids with big destinies. Anyway, I needed a break, and from what I‘ve seen the tournament looks to be very interesting.”> Ho-oh replied, looking very smug (You can just tell he loves his work and talking about stuff no-one else knows).
“How do you know what the tournament’s gonna be like? It’s not for another two days.” Ash inquired, quite puzzled.
<“ You forget, I can see into the future!”> answered Ho-oh, with a massive grin that clearly implied Future Sight was one of his favourite powers. (Can you blame him?)
“Well you’d better find somewhere to hide, everyone else will be awake soon, no thanks to Pikachu!” he said, glaringly angrily sideways at Pikachu.
<“He he, sorry ’bout that”> Pikachu went, laughing in an embarrassed manner and rubbing the back of it’s head.
<“Again Ash, you demonstrate your absent-mindedness. Watch!”> and as Ho-oh finished speaking, he raised his wings, and in a ruffle of feathers and a sprinkle of gold dust, he became invisible.
“Sorry, I forgot, how do you do that again?” Ash said, imitating what Pikachu did earlier.
<“It’s alright, and it’s simple. I merely make my feathers match the background colours of wherever I am. It’s how I’ve stayed in hiding for five hundred years!”> replied Ho-oh, smiling (as far as Ash could tell, since Ho-oh was invisible).
“Cool, well see you around Ho-oh!” Ash said, smiling and waving.
<“Yeah see you around Ash!”> replied Ho-oh, and as far as anyone’s guess he took off. And with that, Ash went inside, Pikachu strolling behind him and taking the p*** by imitating him every step.

The two fell into the coach and stared at the ceiling. (well Ash fell in, Pikachu took a bounding leap)
“Well it’s Christmas time again Pikachu! I can’t believe how much has happened this year.” ash said, with a large smile spreading across his face as he said it.
<“ It certainly battle bro! Hoping to catch Misty under the Mistletoe this year?”> said Pikachu, with a very sly grin across his face which Ash was unable to see, since he had closed his eyes in relaxation.
“Yeah, I mean, um.. What did you say Pikachu? Don’t be disgusting!” Ash answered, first with a smile, then it changed to a look of confusion, then into the usual face he had when someone (e.g. everyone he and Misty have ever met for the first time) had made a similar accusation.
“Too late now, Ashy-boy! I have some of the best hearing in the entire Pokemon world, and I heard your first answer. No point denying it bro, after what you just said”> as Pikachu said this, an enormous grin of triumph spread over his face.
Meanwhile, Misty was lying in bed, very deep in thought…..
‘ I can’t believe what Pikachu said last night. I can’t believe I understood Pikachu last night! Unless Pikachu learned telepathy, there is something weird going on. I’m sure Ash understood what Pikachu said as clearly as I had, since he was glaring pretty angrily at Pikachu after the comment. “Ash’s true love”? Was Pikachu kidding? I’ll worry about the ‘Pikachu talking’ thing later. “Ash’s true love’? If Pikachu was kidding, then I should just dismiss it as the usual. But what if it wasn’t kidding? Does Ash love me? Maybe I’d better not forget this comment like I’ve forgotten every other. I mean, a lot of people have made similar accusations, ( flashes of Team Rocket, Danny, and pretty much everyone she and Ash have ever met when they were travelling together appear before her eyes), but if anyone could make a firmly justified one on Ash’s half, it would be Pikachu. I mean seriously, those two are like brothers. Oh well, it’s too early to be thinking about this sorta thing now. That scream that woke me up was probably just another one of the times Ash had had one of his “Jessie and Ash making out” nightmares. I mean the thoughts incredibly disturbing, but Ash finds it utterly terrifying. I’ll think more on the Pikachu matter tomorrow’. At this, she rolled over and went back to sleep.

Back with the gruesome twosome (Ash and Pikachu)….

“Okay, maybe I do like Misty, I dunno. So what?” Ash said, in a moody tone of voice.
<“No idea. I hadn’t set myself many goals other than to get that confession out of you. Well, there’s always setting you two up…” Pikachu went, first looking thoughtful, then looking narrow-eyed at Ash with a grin on his face and raised eyebrows.
“No way, I’m not letting you play match maker. And anyway, even if I like Misty, we’re just friends. If we got together, I wouldn’t have someone to talk to. I can hardly tell you anything to do with my social life if this is the reaction I get” replied Ash, waving his hands in front of him and blushing brighter than the red Ho-oh turns during a Sacred Fire attack.
<“Fine, I’m sorry. Let’s watch telly!”> Pikachu went, with an enormous grin on his face.
“Works for me” Ash answered, turning on the telly to the “Eye on Hoenn show”.
“Welcome fans and today we have discovered some superb example of double battlers in the form of Suila and Drake Jr.!” said the blue haired reporter woman on screen.
“If it’s not me, why do I care,” said Ash, with a very bored expression as he changed the channel.

Later that day……

Ash and Co. were in the Cerulean Mall, just wandering around. They noticed a lot of shops had little Jirachi stickers in the windows (Jirachi is a small grey Pokemon, with four yellow points on top of it’s head, and long yellow streamers on its back, so it looked a lot like a shooting star.) and also a lot of shops had men dressed as Santa accompanied by Delibirds, small red birds with white heads and a white marking on their bellies which made them look like a bird version of Santa. They also had sheet-like tails, which served to hold the free presents they were giving away. The group of kids couldn’t help laughing when one particularly young looking Santa started flirting with a single mother, while his Delibird gave her son a present. As the lady turned to leave, the Santa tried to follow, but fell over his Delibird head first into a Christmas tree.

As they continued on, Misty saw a poster on the side of a large blue building with a round roof. The poster showed a red haired girl in a gown dancing with a black haired kid in a Tuxedo. The poster read:
“Tomorrow, the Cerulean Dance studio will be pleased to be posting the Cerulean Christmas Dance. The place to be seen over the Christmas season, it is a couples only dance, and anyone who’s anyone should be there! The music itself will be supplied by the famous Roco (note from Author: see my Astra dex to find out what a Roco is) and Rollout. There will be a free buffet as usual”
“Oh man, if I don’t go I’ll be a laughing stock. But it’s couples only, and I don’t have a boyfriend,” thought Misty, slightly worried, “Maybe I could ask Ash. I mean, there is a free buffet, so I always have a back up plan. And it might allow me to see whether Pikachu was joking.”
And with this plan in mind, she ran over to catch up with the others.

That Evening…..

The group were all just relaxing by the pool. When Gyarados swam by, Misty remembered an important question she had been meaning to ask Ash.
“Hey Ash, do you know any water Pokemon that is a similar size to Gyarados, but won’t try to kill things during training? I’ve been meaning to get Gyarados a playmate, that won’t be half killed when they play together, and won’t try to break every bone in my body when I train it?” Misty inquired.
“ I know this, you want a Milotic, here I’ll show you,” and with those words, Ash pulled out a red device with a blue hemisphere shaped scanner. He opened it up, revealing a small screen. He then pressed a few buttons, and this brought up a picture of a long snakelike Pokemon, with cream skin from its head to about two thirds the way down it’s body. The other third was a mosaic of red and blue scales, which ended in four rd and blue scales that looked like a fan. The creature had long black eyelashes and long brown hair. It had deep gentle eyes, and a weird point to its head. A robotic voice read out:
“Milotic, the tender Pokemon. It emits an aura that is said to calm aggressive emotions.”
“Who, that’s perfect Ash. I can’t believe you recommended it” said Misty, never taking her eyes of the Pokemon on the screen. At this point May decided to cut in.

“Speaking of recommending, what does everyone want for Christmas” she said, grinning from ear to ear and speaking in an excited tone.
“The latest books from Professor Oak, Elm, Birch and Yew.” Max chimed in quickly.
“A girlfriend” went Brock dreamily. Ash and Misty struggled to hide laughs.
<“ A lifetimes supply of ketchup!”> said Pikachu, laughing. Of course, the only people who understood it were Ash and Misty.
“A Milotic, or new clothes and jewellery “ said Misty, almost as dreamily as Brock.
“Yeah, that would suit me too” added May, in an equally dreamy tone. Then everyone turned to look at Ash. He knew what he wanted, though he couldn’t say it. What he wanted to say was “To find Misty under the Mistletoe”. But after a lot of thought he said…..
“ Advanced tips for training Dragon and Pseudo-Dragon Pokemon by Lance and Drake Dragonheart” Everyone else’s jaws dropped. None of them, especially Misty, had expected Ash to ask for a book. Now with the matter of presents out of the way, there wasn’t much for the group to talk about. (The one topic that could be said Misty didn’t want to say in front of Max, May, Brock and Pikachu).

“I’ll get some takeout!” said ash, causing an abrupt break in the silence. As he got up, Misty seized her chance.
“I’ll come with you!” Misty called, as Ash was about to leave the room.
“Why?” asked Ash, puzzled.
“No reason, I just wouldn’t mind some fresh air!” Misty lied. Ash shrugged and they left.

It was a twenty minute walk to the mall from the gym, and Misty didn’t need the uncomfortable silence that was sure to follow after she asked Ash about the dance both ways, so for the walk their she inquired about Milotic. After they had both ordered the takeaway, she stopped Ash outside and beckoned him over to a set of tree’s that was by the entrance to the mall.
“Hey Ash, could I ask you something,” she questioned, desperately trying to hide the fact she was blushing, and disguise the embarrassed tone in her voice. It wasn’t working very well.
“What” Ash went, quite calmly. His guts were writhing worse than an Arbok crushing the life out of a Rattatta. What was Misty going to ask that was making he so embarrassed? This was very worrying for Ash.
“Well, there’s this couples dance tomorrow, and all the popular and well known people from Cerulean will be there, and if I don’t go, I’ll be a laughing stock. I’m the gym leader, what’ll people think? So I was wondering whether you would go with me as a y’know friend?” She was blushing worse than ever. She had just asked Ash out. Hopefully he would have matured enough to not make a big deal, and she had disguised it pretty well as a gym leader thing. So why was she still blushing?

Ash resisted the urge to clean out his ears. Was he hearing right? Had Misty just asked him out. He went through what she had said in his mind. No, it was a gym leader thing. Still, why had she asked him? She could’ve asked Brock. The optimistic side of him said it was because she liked him. On the other hand the pessimistic side was saying it was because it would be hard to pretend Brock was her boyfriend when he went of flirting with every girl that passed them. And in girl-boy situations, Ash preferred to be pessimistic.
“Okay, since it’s just a reputation thing and all. And it’s just as friends. And you’re paying for food!” Ash said this all in a very mature tone, but Misty still face faulted at the last part.
“Fine, and don’t worry about food, there’s a free buffet.”
“Even better”. And with that, the pair walked back to the gym. But behind them, there was a rustle in the bushes.

“Did you hear that, a free buffet!” went a woman’s voice.
“I know, looks like the two love birds are also honey guides!” added and excited man’s voice.
“And guess who’s gonna crash the party, and steal the honey from those love boirds!” went a distinctly cat-like voice.
“Wobbuffet” went a Wobbuffet, who appeared behind the bush.
“Get back in your ball” went the woman’s voice in an annoyed tone, as a red light hit the large blue Pokemon and it dematerialised.

That night, Ash and Co. decided to turn early. Ash and Misty because they had a big day tomorrow, and the others because they were just lazy. As all of them went to bed, Ho-oh landed once more on top of the sign on top of the gym, trying to stifle a laugh. He began to mutter something to himself.
<“ Ash and Misty sitting by the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”>. Once more he stifled a laugh, then went to sleep,
 
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lone_wolf816

Guest
This was hillarious!!(in a good way) I like how pikachu is so anoyying and your pretty good at romance. Also Ho-oh is starting to act like Cina and you put in some stuff from your other fics! I wonder if Ash will catch a Milotic for Misty and then Milotic and Gyarados fall in love>_< Anyway right more cuz this is excellent!

;197;-Kai has left the thread!
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; And there I was worrying. Thanks. And Ho-oh is more like an older brother, taking the p*** out of Ash, giving advice, showing off etc. (wait till Dec 21st, *wink wink*.
 
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lone_wolf816

Guest
Im waiting for december 22nd!! Thats the date of my b-day! BTW I wonder if Lugia will appear in this...

;197;
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330;Nope, Lugia needs more time to recover from a certain "Incident" *cough*.
 

[Cano]

Sig [Cloud] Mugen
Wow. This is rather interesting, and coming from me, that's saying something! Not that I'm a hot-shot fic writer or anything like that, but because I'm not really into the 'romance' thing. I find it...too emotional, to say the least. But this is really interesting, and I'll continue to read! I'll get around to reading your other one (I've already read the prologue and the first chapter :D) but let me say a few things to try and help you improve. While your writing in the other fic (Astra) is good, it lacks something crucial in my opinion. You seem to describe things to a certain degree, but not to the best of your ability. You should describe things as if you were telling a 5 year old the story; simple yet using a lot of detail so a picture can be painted in the reader's head. Also, in the third chapter, you seem to forget which punctuations to use in the character's conversations. An example:
“Hey Ash, could I ask you something,” she questioned, desperately trying to hide the fact she was blushing, and disguise the embarrassed tone in her voice. It wasn’t working very well.
“What” Ash went, quite calmly.
In those conversations, a ? mark is missing, and should be placed within the quotations. Also in Misty's part, the comma isn't need, only a ? mark after "something". But it's forgiveable, seeing as you are still learning, and it shows a lot in your writing. Why, in just these three chapters, you can tell you've polished your techniques and took all criticism to heart, not as hurtful words, but as encouraging remarks. No one here wants to see you fail; quite the contrary! And you seem to display that you understand that very well! So bravo!! :DDDDDD hope you receive more reviews in the future!
<SCM>
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; Thanks, but the reason I listen is in real life I'm as blunt as a circle, and it would be hypocritical to not listen to others being blunt.
 

Zerodius

Eternally hating D/P
Well... speaking about a greatly interesting story!

Anyway, I really, really like it!

...

As you can see, I'm still inept at reviewing!... or maybe I just don't have any serious problems with your story (which is a good thing).

Well, that's all.

Have a nice day and please continue the story.
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; Thanks. And I will. PREVIEW!(BIG SPOILER!)

[spoil]"Prepare for trouble on the dance floor!"

"Make it double, you know the score!"

"To protect the tango from devastation!"

"To unite all dancers within our nation!"

"To denounce the evils of the conga!"

"This little party won't last much 'longa'!"

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket waltz off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender to the music, or prepare to fight!"

"Meowth that's right!"

"Wobbuffet!"

"Team Rocket!" Ash and Misty shouted in unison.

"Well well, isn't this sweet? The twerpette and the twerp are finally together" Jessie said, in a mocking tone. Misty and Ash both blushed. They knew that there was no way to deny it this time, even if it wasn't true.[/spoil]

You'll hate me for that preview, you really will!
 
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