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My first PokéFic ! The Akrore Region .

Gosple

Beginning Trainer
My first PokéFic ! The Akrore Region .

All right , my first pokéfic .

THE AKRORE REGION

Time to leave PetitLeaf Town !

I swore . Something that happened a lot these days .
“Young Man , you better not’ve swore . I know-”
“Mom , I wanna go !”
“You are only ten years old . I will not let you go on a journey across the region .Akrore is huge ! Even if you would have a pokémon with you , the region is dangerous an-”
I ran up into my room , swearing . Typical . Braedon and Jase were going , Why not me ?
The door of my room slammed shut , and I locked it . I looked at the gear I had saved up for this . My weatherpoof tent , my pokéball , and my bag full of leftovers and berries .
THUNK!
“Ya idiot , Bean , hurry up !” a voice from a certain blunette said .
Outside my door I heard my Mom yelling . “You better get your tuckus back out here , Bean , or I’ll-”
“Coming , Braeden !” I wrote up a quick note to my Mom , then jumped out the window . My body ended up landing on the soft grass .
“Run , guys !” Braeden and a red-head , Jase , started running . I could still hear the faint voice of my Mom , yelling that I was only 11 . We continued to run , until we were about a kilometre from our town . We stood there , panting .
“So ya little green-eyed idiot , what happened ?” Jase asked .
“Mom wouldn’t let me go . She wouldn’t even let me get my Pokémon , So now I have to catch one .”
“Of course . Just our luck .”
I searched the forestfor any hints of wild pokémon in the lush surroundings , and came up empty-handed . Talk about a bad day .!
“Buullb…”
I spun around . I was sure I heard something , and-
“Saaauuurrr …”
There it was again . I saw bushes ruffling , and when I looked down I saw a plant bulb . A tiny head popped up .
“Gaahh !” I exclaimed , and
“Buullbb !”
There was only one thing on my mind now . I launched the pokéball , and watched it intensely . My glare could have burned through a wall .
Ding !
I wanted to yell , to scream , to dance around . But I just stood there , dumbfounded . I did it . Maybe it wasn’t such a bad day after all . I picked up the ball , and walked toward the other guys . I said two words .
“Caught one .”
They were yelling and screaming . Braeden , for the most part .
“Now it really starts ! The journey begins !”
About five minutes later , when we had quieted down , we started walking again .
“Oh yeah ! Away from Petitleaf on to NewVille !”
About an hour later we set up camp . The sun was starting to set . We set it up inside the deep forest . I phoned Mom , and conviced her to let me go .
“Yes .” I said simply .
“No .”
The conversation lasted about an hour , including her implements about safety . When I went back to my friends and saw they were in the middle of a battle .
“Cyndaquil , scratch !”
“Mudkip , tackle !”
The pokémon exchanged blows , until they were all bruised and beat up . Then Mudkip managed to pull one final tackle , and Braedon took back his Cyndaquil , and they both healed their pokémon with a potion .
“Hey , Bean , You’re next !” Jase yelled , his Mudkip still on the field .
“Sure , but be ready to lose !”
The battle had begun . I learned that the Mudkip had good defenses , and when our tackles hit eachother , Bulbasaur took most of the hit . So I devised a new plan . I told my Bulbasaur to lure him to tackle a rather unstable tree . It worked . When Mudkip hit the tree , the tree crashed down and bonked him on the head . While Mudkip was dazed , I took advantage of it and commanded Bulbasaur to tackle him into a nearby rock .
“Come back Mudkip . Nice try .” Jase looked slightly disappointed , while I was whooping and cheering . He bonked me on the head playfully , and gave his Mudkip another potion .
I was still rubbing my head when we decided to go to sleep . While they were asleep , I pondered what the next day would be like . There would be more trainers , and I wondered if we could take it , my Bulbasaur and I . I closed my eyes , and convinced myself that we could handle it . I dozed off .

Next time , the second day of our adventure . THE FIRST TOWN !

Alright , Read and review please ! No Flames !
 

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
Uh, okaaaaaay. I do not like how this is written. Your grammar is atrocious and my eyes may never recover. Overuse of the space bar is here. Such as:
“Yes .” I said simply .
It should have been: "Yes," I said simply. You should have put a comma instead of a period and not space it out so much. This is evidently to make it longer.

The length is bad. Not even a page, it could get away with it if it was a prologue but not the first chapter.

Description isn't here at all. Try at least.

Originality, not so good. A whole new region but the same old Pokemon. :sigh:

Sorry kid, but this ain't gonna make it long unless you fix it.
 
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