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Mysterious Encounter: a Special Shipping Story

Orenji-chan

magmajewel is love.
This chapter was a little bit better than the last one I read, you've improved, but slowly. Don't worry, my writing was like this when I first started to write and look at me now. After you begin to write for school classes and things like that, mine has improved a lot. :)

I liked how you added a little bit of Red's past but you didn't furture explain how she actually died. So please, if you could in the next chapter, elaboriate on that for me and anyone else who was wondering.

At this time, he was only about 7 years old and was unaware of an event that took place 2 years prior, when a young girl was kidnapped by a large, unidentified bird Pokémon.

A simple mistake but when you write a story up till number ten you should spell it out and not just put the symbol for it. So it should be...

At this time, he was only about seven years old and was unaware of an event that took place two years prior, when a young girl was kidnapped by a large, unidentified bird Pokémon.

...
I would give this chapter a 7.5/10. I don't know, it just appeared to lack luster. Not enough description of their surroundings, emotions and such. The lenght wasn't long enogh as I would like it to have been. I'll keep reading this though, hoping that it gets better along the way. ;D
 
This chapter was a little bit better than the last one I read, you've improved, but slowly. Don't worry, my writing was like this when I first started to write and look at me now. After you begin to write for school classes and things like that, mine has improved a lot. :)

I liked how you added a little bit of Red's past but you didn't furture explain how she actually died. So please, if you could in the next chapter, elaboriate on that for me and anyone else who was wondering.



A simple mistake but when you write a story up till number ten you should spell it out and not just put the symbol for it. So it should be...

At this time, he was only about seven years old and was unaware of an event that took place two years prior, when a young girl was kidnapped by a large, unidentified bird Pokémon.

...
I would give this chapter a 7.5/10. I don't know, it just appeared to lack luster. Not enough description of their surroundings, emotions and such. The lenght wasn't long enogh as I would like it to have been. I'll keep reading this though, hoping that it gets better along the way. ;D

Okay then, I'll go fix it.
Thanks.

(I miss mistakes without knowing.... But that's why it's good to have people review fics.)
I will work on my descriptions and other things as well.
(I have trouble doing that, according to a test my teacher gave to me.)
Also, I could have worked harder on the fic.........if it wasn't for a certain person who was complaining that I was not letting her use the tablet............(I'm pretty sure you know who this person is......)
 
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Well, I might Edit the chapter a bit. SO I'll pm everyone once the next chappie is up.

EDIT: The adjustments are taking longer than expected........^^; please be patient.
 
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xxBlackyxx

lol internet
Hungry for more.

How do I get added to the PM?
 

xxBlackyxx

lol internet
Gee, I'd never have the guts to post any fan fics. So I keep them in my mind. xD

I don't take criticism too well. That's my problem.

But this fan fic is awesome. I luff it. ^-^ Keep on with what you're doing!
 
^
Thank you.
I still need some editing done...but I might just continue with Chapter 7 later on and edit it later...or vice versa.
Still, keep on your toes you guys...
 

xXPorygonXx

Sort of active
It was okay, but at times it seemed a little bit forced. Like here-

At this time, he was only about seven years old and was unaware of an event that took place two years prior, when a young girl was kidnapped by a large, unidentified bird Pokémon.

Was it really necessary to add the part about Blue? His age would have been enough.

Overall, the chapter did seem offbeat, not as great as it usually would be. However, it's still good, so don't get discouraged.
 
^
I know. I am going to edit it.....but like I said before, it may take a while, as my schedule got busier....
Or, I also want to completely re-write that last chapter, because I got a better idea.
 
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Derzi

Training to tame RGN
Keep doing the exellent work. I was so happy when I read " he figure looked like a girl, wearing a hat, and next to her was a large turtle Pokémon. ", because I am a grand fan of Blue. I became sad when she didn't joined the group, but this is Yellow and Red's Story so its normal, but sad, to her don't join them.
What has Blue done to Mew? I know she tried to catch him but she did something more?
Its sad to read my favorite pokemon against my favorite pokemon special charater.
 
Oh thank you.
Acutally, I'm done fixing Chap. 6...
But, I have writers block for Chap. 7.

So yeah, keep watch for that again.
 
Like I've said, I would read your fic and so, here I'm.

Chapter 1: The description at the start was really good; I could imagine how peaceful the forest was...

Chapter 6: The flashback was a good way to attract reader to keep on reading to find out how Red's mother die.

And, I like the cute interaction between Red and Yellow.

And, could you put me on the PM list? Thanks.
 
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