Orenji-chan
magmajewel is love.
This chapter was a little bit better than the last one I read, you've improved, but slowly. Don't worry, my writing was like this when I first started to write and look at me now. After you begin to write for school classes and things like that, mine has improved a lot.
I liked how you added a little bit of Red's past but you didn't furture explain how she actually died. So please, if you could in the next chapter, elaboriate on that for me and anyone else who was wondering.
A simple mistake but when you write a story up till number ten you should spell it out and not just put the symbol for it. So it should be...
At this time, he was only about seven years old and was unaware of an event that took place two years prior, when a young girl was kidnapped by a large, unidentified bird Pokémon.
...
I would give this chapter a 7.5/10. I don't know, it just appeared to lack luster. Not enough description of their surroundings, emotions and such. The lenght wasn't long enogh as I would like it to have been. I'll keep reading this though, hoping that it gets better along the way. ;D
I liked how you added a little bit of Red's past but you didn't furture explain how she actually died. So please, if you could in the next chapter, elaboriate on that for me and anyone else who was wondering.
At this time, he was only about 7 years old and was unaware of an event that took place 2 years prior, when a young girl was kidnapped by a large, unidentified bird Pokémon.
A simple mistake but when you write a story up till number ten you should spell it out and not just put the symbol for it. So it should be...
At this time, he was only about seven years old and was unaware of an event that took place two years prior, when a young girl was kidnapped by a large, unidentified bird Pokémon.
...
I would give this chapter a 7.5/10. I don't know, it just appeared to lack luster. Not enough description of their surroundings, emotions and such. The lenght wasn't long enogh as I would like it to have been. I'll keep reading this though, hoping that it gets better along the way. ;D