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(NaNoWriMo) Untitled - Pg-13 for violence


Oh my goodness~!
Chapter One


Slam! The door crashed back in place and shuddered on it's hinges as Zentari Quie ran out into the night, whistling for his horse. "Rodarius! Come!"

The horse trotted up slowly and threw a neigh in Zentari's direction, for he had interrupted his grazing. Rodarius is a young male horse who Zentari stole off of a ranch the year before. He's pure brown and can be quite stubborn at times. Zentari climbed up onto him and clicked his heels against the horses sides, riding off into the night, towards the Moonglint Forest. Towards his hideout. Zentari Quie is a young human, a freelance rouge. He is eighteen years of age and has short dirty blonde hair and dark blue eyes. He comes from a family of rouges, all who lived in the Moonglint forest and went into the city of Gostnaga to do their work. He never knew who his mother was, because she left his father when he was only two years old. His father was caught and executed when Zentari was fourteen years old, but he was able to train Zentari before he died. Zentari swore revenge on the judge who sentenced his father to death, and got that revenge when he was sixteen...

He took a glimpse over his shoulder to see a short, fat man struggling to climb onto a horse. The man was just a lowly farmer who recently built a small house on the outskirts of the forest. Zentari reached the forest and slowed down to take a look at what he had managed to steal before the farmer walked in on him rummaging through his stuff. "Hmm....bah, only 50 gold and a couple gold rings. And they're in pretty bad shape too. I can find more then that in one day just by walking through the city. Oh well. I sorta feel sorry for that guy."

Rodarius shook his head and made a low sound to show his boredness. Zentari sped him up a little and headed towards the cave he'd made his home. He arrived and cleared away the branches and ivy covering the opening, and dismounted his horse. He lead him inside towards the main cavern and took the saddle off of Rodarius, who then wandered over toward the pool of drinking water. Zentari walked over to a ledge in the cave wall and emptied his pack onto it, going through everything he had gotten that night. He heard a sound behind him and turned around right as someone jumped on him. "ZENNY!"

He fell to the ground and looked up, to see Jasmine Tantylus, the elf he came upon a few years ago while wandering through the city and took back to his cave. She was around 50 years of age, quite young for an elf, and looked like she was only but seventeen. She had long brown hair and beautiful blue eyes, which went along perfectly with her slender nose and lips. She usually wore gorgeous velvet robes, for they didn't constrict her too much and she could still nimbly move around and do her work. When he first found her she was being ridiculed and attacked because of her appearence. Ever since she'd been staying within the boundaries of the forest, unless she had to go into the city, during which she disguised herself and covered her ears with a hood of some sort, and always made sure to stick close to Zentari. She was fast and very skilled with a dagger, so she made an exceptional thief. She usually took on the more extravagant houses such as that of the city offcials. She once broke into the head of the city guards manor and was in and out within minutes with enough gold to support Zentari and her for a month.

"Oi, you nearly broke my arm!"

He pushed her off of him and stood up, rubbing the arm he landed on. She put on a pitiful sad face and looked at him with her head tilted down and quietly said, "I'm sowwy Zenny. But you'd been gone for so long! I was just happy to see you is all..."

He smirked but quickly hid it and went back to looking through what he got while taking off his equipment, and turned to go wash up in the pool of water. "I've only been gone an hour... Next time don't sneak up on me like that."

She did a little military stance plus salute and put a serious face on, loudly saying, "Yes sir!"

Zentari shook his head and splashed some water on his face as Jasmine looked through the stuff he brought back. "There's not much here. That new guy wasn't very wealthy was he?"

"Nope. But he caught me before I could go through much of his stuff. I sorta felt sorry him," he chuckled "but then I saw him trying to get on his horse. It was a sight to behold."

He smiled and got some food for Rodarius, laying it down infront of the horse, who immediately started eating it. Jasmine followed Zentari around asking more questions about the job, until suddenly Zentari threw a hand back to silence her and pointed towards the cave opening where they could see the light of a torch coming down the tunnel. Jasmine nodded and pulled a concealed dagger out of her robes and snuck around the edge of the cave. Zentari sat down on a rock and casually examined a throwing dagger he had on his belt. The short fat farmer emerged into the cave, and looked around, finally settling his eyes on Zentari. "You!"

The word echoed through the cave as he pointed a finger at Zentari and glared at him, but cautiously kept an eye on the knife in his hand. Zentari casually looked up and tried to look suprised. "Oh! Hello there. I see you've found my home. Make yourself at home." He motioned around the cavern.

Just then Jasmine came out from the shadows and wrapped an arm around the farmer and grazed the dagger against his neck. The farmer stiffened and slowly turned to look at Jasmine who just smiled cheerfully at him. Zentari smirked and said, "I see you've met my friend."

The farmer stared in shock, "S-she's an elf?"

Jasmine nodded cheerfully and continued smiling at the farmer, asking curiously, "What's your name stranger?"

"L-larry, ma'am." he nervously replied.

She put on a confused expression and cocked her head to one side. "That's an odd name."

Zentari stood up and walked over to them. "Enough talking. You probably came here because you want you gold back, am I right?"

The farmer stood up straight and said in a loud, strong voice, "Yes, and i'm prepared to fight for it!" He raised his fists.

Zentari laughed and put his throwing knife away, motioning for Jasmine to put away her dagger. "You can have it back. That's chump change. You can also have those worthless rings back too." He pointed towards the items over on the ledge.

The small farmer quickly waddled over to the ledge and scooped up all the stuff, putting it in his bag and quickly heading for the tunnel leading outside. Zentari motioned for Jasmine to block the tunnel and she quickly stepped in front of it. Zentari took a few long strides towards Larry and put a hand on his shoulder and felt him flinch. "Before you leave, there is one term you must agree to. You must agree to never reveal this place to abosolutely anyone. I mean anyone. Do I make myself clear?"

The farmer swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, replying, "Y-yes sir. I u-understand completely." Zentari let go of his shoulder and Jasmine moved out of the tunnel entrance.

"Good. Now you may go." Larry nodded and ran down the tunnel as fast as his little legs would carry him.

Jasmine yelled after him, "We'll be sure to drop in and visit you sometimes! Do the same for us! If you can find us again!" She giggled and turned around to face Zentari. "I know what we'll be doing tomorrow Zenny! We need a new place to stay!" She walked off towards her branch of the cave, humming a happy tune and smiling all the time. Zentari watched her go then smiled and shook his head. He went and concealed the cave opening again, trying to make it better then before.

"Jasmine is right. We really need to find a new place we can live." He muttered to himself as he dragged himself off to his branch of the cave to try and get some sleep.

Jasmine awoke in the middle of the night to Zentari screaming, "NO! I didn't do it! No, no, no!" She grabbed her dagger and quietly walked out into the cavern. Nothing. She continued on to Zentari's private quarters and she peeked inside to see him tossing and turning in his sleep. She put down her dagger and walked up closer to see him sweating heavily.

"Zenny, wake up." She lightly poked him. He jerked awake and looked up at Jasmine and fell back onto his bedroll. Jasmine put a hand on his face. "What was going on?"

"It was just a...just a dream." he rolled over away from her and closed his eyes again. Jasmine sighed and sat down on the ground next to his bed.

"I don't believe you." She said, sounding very firm. "And i'm not leaving until you tell me what it was."

He sighed and sat up, looking at her. "Fine." He got up and walked over to his pack and pulled out a small journal, opening it to a marked page. He handed it to her to read.

Vintu 6th, 1745

I ran through the dark city, heading for the city sqaure. To the house of the judge who sentenced my father to death. I came upon the house and snuck around the back and up into the main parlor. He was reading a book and facing the opposite direction of myself. I pulled out my dagger and walked up to his chair. He moved slightly and I ducked behind a table. He didn't suspect a thing. I went up right behind his chair and said hello. He jumped and turned around. I smiled and slit his throat....he choked and slouched forward, bleeding everywhere. I took the jewels he was wearing and searched the room. I found 500 gold hidden behind some books. I quickly fled the scene and heard screams from the house as I ran. Jasmine has no idea what happened. I feel horrible...but it had to be done. I'm going to be up all night, keeping watch at the cavern entrance.

She finished reading and closed it, saying nothing. Zentari took it and put it back in his bag. He sat down infront of her and looked her in the eyes. "I did that two years ago, as you can tell from the date. I swore revenge for my father. It was he who sentenced him to death."

Jasmine turned away from him and started to cry. "How could you. He was an innocent man, he was just doing his job."

"I know...it was...it was the wrong thing to do. But it was my father who he sentenced to die. I couldn't sit idly by and do nothing....You understand...right?"

She wiped away her tears and nodded slowly, "Yes...I understand. I just wish you'd told me before."

Zentari moved over and embraced her, "I'm sorry..but I was afraid of how you would react." She smiled and rested in his arms.

"You think i've never had to injure anyone on a raid? I mean, i've never killed anyone, but i've mortally injured people..." She looked him straight in the eyes, "Don't worry about it. I forgive you for commiting murder. Hmm... I never thought i'd say that." She put on a confused expression.

Zentari laughed and let go of her, standing up and helping her up. "It's probably close to sunrise by now, so i'm going to fix something to eat. You can go sleep if you want. I'll wake you when it's ready."

"No, i'll stay up. I don't think I could fall back asleep now. I'm to hyper now. Besides. I don't want you to kill me while I sleep!" She skipped off to her room to change into her normal clothes. Zentari smiled and put on his equipment and boots and walked into the main cavern. Rodarius was sleeping in the exact spot he was last night after Zentari gave him his food, except now Jasmine's horse Radiant was close by. Radiant, a pure white, female horse, was also quite young, and was stolen off the same ranch as Rodarius, on the same day. She probably came over to eat after Zentari went to bed. Jasmine came out into the main cavern while fixing her hair and walked over to where Zentari was standing. "So whatcha gonna make?"

Zentari looked through what they had, and came across a couple eggs and a few slices of bread. "Ehh...I guess eggs and toast. That's all we have. I guess we'll have to go into the city and acquire ourselves some more food today, eh?" Jasmine smiled brightly and headed off to start a fire.

"I guess so!" she gathered up some small pieces of wood and put them in the makeshift fire pit they'd been using for years. She muttered something Zentari couldn't hear. When he turned around he saw a small orange orb come out of her hands and ignite the wood.

"What was that?!" he exclaimed, staring at the fire.

"What was what? You mean the spell?"

"Uhh....yeah, I guess. How'd you do that?"

"It's just a little something i've been studying. Nothing that big really."

"Nothing that big? Uhh....I think it is! Where did you learn that? And could I do it?"

"It's in a book I got from my mom before I left. You might be able to do it. I guess you'll have to try to find out."

"Uhh, I guess so." He cracked the eggs into the pan and held it over the fire.

"I'll go get it!"

"That girl is too hyper sometimes." He shook his head and flipped the eggs. He grabbed another pan and set the bread in it, holding that above the fire also. "I want one of those fancy stoves i've seen in houses. Then I wouldn't have to hold the pan the whole time. Oh well." he muttered to himself. Jasmine soon came back into the main cavern holding a big, old, book.

"Here it is! Take a look through it." She said, setting it down and taking the pans from Zentari.

Zentari picked it up and opened it, flipping through the pages. "Uhh...Jasmine, this is all in elven. I can't read elven."

"I know! Neither can I." She casually said keeping an eye on the food. "There's one page I marked in there that's in english. It's got two spells on it. The one I used earlier to light the fire, and one about summoning a dog or something. That one's too complicated for me."

"Okay then...ah, here's the page you're talking about." He read through both the instructions and looked up at Jasmine. "This doesn't look that hard. Here, i'll try making a fire." He gathered up some wood and put it in a pile. He kneeled infront of it and said the incantation. "Firoto ingai." A tiny spark appeared and landed on the wood, doing nothing. "Err....that didn't work too well. It made something though. I guess I need to practice."

"Yes you do. That's the same thing that happened the first time I tried." Jasmine told him, putting the eggs and toast on two plates for them. "Here you go!" she cheerily said, handing him his plate.

"Thanks." He took the toast and scooped up some eggs, taking a bite. "Blech, this is so bland. We really need some more food. And a new place to live."

Jasmine swallowed her food and made a disgusted face and nodded, taking a drink of water. "Yeah. Really. You want seconds?" She held out her plate to Zentari.

"You've got to eat something. Even if it's disgusting." He pushed it back towards her.

"Fine...but this is really disgusting. Do you think Rodarius would like it?" She looked over at the horse, who was now awake and eating his food.

"Eat it."

"But I don't wanna!"

Zentari sighed, "You need the strength if we're going to go into the city today. Just eat it. Or I'll force you to."

She put on a sad face and looked down at her plate, picking through the food. "Meanie.."
Please tell me what you think. I've already started work on chapter two. I don't expect to reach 50,000 words by the time the month ends, but i'll try. I started late though. =/
Last edited:

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Not too bad, but I'm glad to find another NanoWriMoer in the forums. I wish you luck.. hopefully you'll get as many words as you can! And if nothing else, I love the name Zentari. ^^ Goood luck.


Oh my goodness~!
Chapter Two

Zentari stepped out of the cave and into the forest, looking around. He saw a deer a little ways away rummaging for food. He walked back into the cavern and put the saddle on Rodarius while Jasmine was saddling up Radiant. He got 100 gold and put it in a small pack incase he needed to pay for anything he couldn't steal. He led Rodarius outside, soon followed by Jasmine and Radiant. They covered up the cavern entrance and mounted their horses, heading of at a good pace, so their horses wouldn't get tired. "Did you put out the fire?" Zentari asked Jasmine.

"Of course. I didn't want the cavern to be filled with smoke when we got back." She looked around the forest and settled her eyes on Zentari for a moment.

"Ok good. I don't think that small fire would've done that, but I guess we don't want to risk it."

"That's right." She said, looking over towards a small stream going through the forest. A bird was singing in one of the trees above and a squirrel was running across the forest floor looking for acorns. Zentari sped up his horse a little and Jasmine did the same. "What's the rush? The sun's barely been up for an hour! Most of the city is still asleep most likely."

"Exactly. It'll be easier to steal stuff if nobody is awake."

"Oh, I get it. But the guards will probably awake..." she said nervously.

"And? They're always awake when we go in for raids at night. It shouldn't be much different." He casually said, speeding up even more as the edge of the forest came into view.

"I guess, but it would be easier to spot us in the day time. Oh well, I guess we need to do it." She said as she sped up to catch up with Zentari. They emerged from the forest and out into a field of grass, with a big city surrounded by a huge stone wall not far off in the distance. They could see guards patrolling on the battlements and two guards standing on either sides of the big main gate.

They slowed down as they approached the gate and Jasmine covered up her ears with a hood. The guards blocked the gate with their halberds and said, "Main gate will not open until noon. Use side gates to enter and exit city. No horses allowed in the main sqaure after noon, unless on delivery or official buisness." Zentari just nodded and headed off around the side of the city.

Jasmine glanced back at them over her shoulder, "Jeez, do they just stand there all day? What a boring job."

"Well, they take shifts, so they don't stand there all day, but....yes. It's a boring job." Zentari replied, speeding up to get inside the city as soon as possible. Jasmine did the same and it wasn't long before the arrived at the east entrance of the city of Gostnaga. They entered and slowly went down the empty street and onto the main street, where all the vendors set up their shops. None of them were open yet, but a few people were roaming around the street, mostly beggars. Zentari dismounted his horse and walked over to one of the wooden booths the vendors use and opened up the wooden cover checking to see what was inside. He hopped inside and closed the wooden cover, and came out soon after with an armful of fruit.

Jasmine smiled and moved Radiant closer so he could put the fruit in one of the pouches on her saddle. Zentari grabbed the reins of Rodarius and moved him up the street, heading for the main square where all the big shops were. They walked past a couple of guards patrolling the street on the way up who gave them suspcious looks since Zentari is carrying a rapier, but continued walking and ignored them. They emerged into the sunny main square which had a big marble statue of a dragon in the middle, with a wooden stage in front of it. Zentari looked around at all the shops, finally settling his eyes on the butcher shop. "Hmm...do you think we need any meat Jasmine?"

She went up to the window and looked inside, and turned around to face Zentari with a disgusted look on her face, "I guess maybe a little. But don't come out dragging one of thos ehuge cow carcasses." She took both horses and went to go examine the marble statue. Zentari casually looked around to check for anyone watching him, and when he saw no one snuck into the alley next to the butchers and found a window. He looked inside and saw no one, so he tried prying it open with a knife. It popped open and slipped inside, closing it behind him. He tuned around and found a room stocked with dead animals and tools for skinning them and preparing the meat. He took a cleaver from the wall and cut off a chunk of meat from one of the carcasses. He grabbed a few cloths from a table and wrapped the meat in them, and stowed it in his pouch. *Ding* *Ding* The bell on the main door clang. Zentari cracked the back door open a little to see who was in the front of the shop. A big, fat man with short brown hair that was obviously very dirty, short black pants that were too small for him, and a dirty white shirt that people could easily mistake for brown, and finally topped with a white apron stained with blood. He was looking around the shop, fixing the place up for the days work.

Zentari quickly closed the door and went back to the window, trying to open it up so he could get out. It was stuck in place, and he couldn't open it without breaking it. He heard footsteps coming towards the back door and he ducked behind a table. The butcher came into the back and grabbed the exact cleaver Zentari had been using a few minutes earlier. He looked at it and saw that it was dirty, "Hmm...I guess I didn't wash this last night before closing up the shop. Oh well." He put it back on the wall and chose another identical cleaver right next to it. He grabbed a slab of meat off of one of the hooks and took it to the front of the shop to cut up. Zentari made a sigh of relief and snuck back to the window to try and get it open again. After a minute or so of prying at it with a knife it finally swung open and he could jump out. He closed it behind him and looked around for anyone watching him. There was no one, so he casually walked back down the alley towards the main square.

"Wasn't there someone with you before?" Zentari heard a loud voice coming from the center of the square. He looked around the corner of the alley and saw the two guards they passed by on the way up the main street on both sides of Jasmine.

"Yes, there was, but he went off to go look for something and told me to wait here." She calmly replied to them. She glanced over at the alley and saw Zentari walking towards them. "There he is now! See?" She waved at Zentari and motioned for him to come over. He sped up a little and the guards turned to look at him. They glanced at each other and looked back at Zentari with questioning looks on their faces.

"Empty your pouch." They approached Zentari.

"What?" He casually opened up his pouch showing just the cloth covered meat.

"What's that?" One of them asked suspiciously, gripping his sword.

"Just some meat. Open it up if you want." One of the guards reached in and pulled it out, opening it up.

"What kind of meat is this?" He poked it and showed it to his partner who sniffed it.

"Just regular cow meat. I bought it from a small street vendor on the other side of the city." He took the meat back and covered it back up. "Can we be on our way now?"

The guards looked at each other then one of them turned back and nodded. "Yes, but no more suspicious activity."

"We'll try." Zentari took the reins of Rodarius and headed up towards the north side of the city, followed closely by Jasmine.

"Have you considered giving up thieving and just living a normal life?" Jasmine commented, looking back at the guards who were watching them.

"Yes. But then I thought of how boring it would be to just sit around all day and do nothing."

* * *

The guards rushed to the barracks, to tell the chief about the two suspicious characters. The heavy metal door busted open and the guards inside all jumped up. "Don't worry. It's just us." They all sighed and shook their heads, sitting back down. "Where's the chief?" One of them pointed back at his office. The two guards walked over and knocked on the door.

"Enter." They heard from inside the room. They went in and closed the door behind them. There was a tall man with purple armor sitting in a chair behind a wooden desk. He had black hair and a thick mustache. There was a helmet and long sword sitting on the desk next to a pile of parchment. "What do you want?"

"Sir, we ran into two suspicious characters. They were snooping around the street vendor booths and main square shops. We found one of them alone with both of their horses in the main square, and when the other one came back he had slab of meat wrapped in some cloths. He claimed her got it from a vendor on the 'other side of the city.' I don't know of any place selling meat besides the butchers, do you? Oh, and the butcher was just opening up his shop when we got to the square."

"Hmm....I don't know of any street vendors selling meat. But you should ask the guards if they know of anything. Oh, and why did you both come back? Shouldn't one of you have followed them, if you really thought they could be committing crimes?" He said sternly, staring them in the eyes.

"Err....sorry sir. You're right. We'll take horses and search the city for them." They started to turn around to leave.

"Wait. If you find them, bring them to me. And don't forget to ask the other guards about the meat."

"Yes sir." They went out into the main barracks and asked the guards about the so called meat vendor. All the replies they got were, 'Never seen one.' and 'Wait..what?' They thanked those who responded and went out and mounted two horses, riding up in the direction Jasmine and Zentari were headed. They came to the main square and slowed down, heading up the street going north, looking down all the alleyways. They spotted the two horses that Jasmine had been holding onto tied up infront of the city library and dismounted and tied up their horses.

They entered the library and walked up to the front desk asking about the two people. The head scholar just pointed over to a table where the two were sitting. They walked up and put their hands on the books they were reading. "You two are gonna have to come with us."

Jasmine put on a cute confused expression and asked, "Why? What did we do wrong?"

"We have reasons to believe you have been partaking in illegal activity." One of them said, grabbing Zentari by the arm and lifting him up, as the other one did the same with Jasmine.

"Hey, watch the robe hun." Jasmine said, pushing his arm away.

"What reason exactly?" Zentari asked, his voice cracking a tiny bit as he tried to stay calm.

"The chief will explain that to you. Just do everything we say and you'll be fine. For now." They pulled them both outside and had them mount their horses and then tied their hands together, and tied all four horses together. They headed off down the street and took back alleys as to avoid any attention from civillians. They arrived at the barracks after a few minutes and Zentari and Jasmine were marched inside to the chief's office.

"Here they are sir." One of the guards said as they entered.

"Good, good. Thank you men. You may leave." The chief stood up and examined Jasmine and Zentari. "Take a seat." He said, motioning at two wooden chairs. The two sat down without saying anything and the chief sat down behind his desk. "Before we begin, let me introduce myself. I am Chad Armstrong, head of the Gostnaga city guard. Now, I have no idea why those two idiots were so obsessed with you, but i'd like to hear your side of the story. So, what are you doing here in the city, and why have you been snooping around shops that aren't open?"

Zentari turned to face the chief in his chair and said, "Well, we live in a small room over in the west side of town, and we were looking for someone place that was selling food. We're running out, you see."

The chief nodded, "But what about this so called meat vendor? I was told you claimed to have gotten some meat from a street vendor. Where exactly is this street vendor? Because no one i've talked to has ever seen this so called vendor and my guards patrol the city all day every day."

"Well, uhh....I can't remember exactly...I just sort of stumbled upon it while riding through town..." Zentari's heart started to beat faster as he spoke. He could almost feel the chiefs eyes burning into him. "I guess you could have someone go out and try to find it..."

The chief looked at him with an inquisitive look on his face. He got up and walked over to Jasmine's chair, going behind it and leaning down close to her hood covered head. He put his hand on her shoulder and moved it up her neck, slowly, until his hand was on the side of her face. In one quick motion he pulled back the hood to reveal her ears. His mouth curved up into a smile. "Just as I thought. I could tell by the facial features. Now. Tell me. Where did you come from? Where are your people hiding?"

Jasmine just smiled and looked him in the eyes and said, "If I told you i'd have to kill you. Oh, i've always wanted to say that!" She giggled and looked at Zentari.

The chief kept smiling and walked back behind his desk, picking up the long sword and slashing at the air a few times, moving the blade so fast that it's just a blur. "I'd like to see you try." *Swish* The ropes on Jasmines hands were in pieces on the floor and she now held a throwing knife.

"I could, but i'm a good girl." She sliced the ropes on Zentari's hands, who stood up and was ready to draw his rapier at a moments notice. He eyed Jasmine and Chad, who were staring each other down. He looked out the big window to the left and saw their horses out side. He stepped closer to Jasmine and grabbed her hand.

"Well, sorry we couldn't stay longer sir, but i'm afraid we have to go now." He walked towards the window, slowly at first then broke out into a run and jumped out of it, holding Jasmine close. They landed on the ground and quickly recovered, getting on their horses and riding down the street. They heard shouts coming from the barracks as soldiers rushed out and jumped on horses, giving chase, with Chad Armstrong at the lead.

"I wish I had killed him now." Jasmine shouted at Zentari, over the sound of the horses and the screaming soldiers. They rushed out of the east gate and across the field towards the Moonglint forest. About a quarter of the way to the edge of the forest Jasmine stopped and turned around. Facing the oncoming soldiers, she muttered, "Firoto ingai." And a big orange orb half a foot in diameter came out of her hands and lit the grass on fire. "That should stall them for a while." She said as she caught up with Zentari.

"Or not." He said as he looked over his shoulder to see Chad's horse jumping over the flames, followed by the other soldiers. *Fwoosh* An arrow wizzed through the air and struck Rodarius in the leg, causing him to fall, bringing Zentari with him, who hit the ground hard and was knocked out.

There's Chapter Two. What do you guys think? :D I think it's even better then one.