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Naruto C (Rated PG)

Discussion in 'Non-Pokémon Stories' started by Rex Kamex, Oct 30, 2006.

  1. Rex Kamex

    Rex Kamex Well-Known Member

    Let it be known that I have the worst updating frequency known to man. But alas, I finally have this story. The story you have been waiting for all this time. (Oh yeah, and I'll update my other fics soon... hopefully...)

    NARUTO C!!!
    (Naruto Comedy)
    By MJC CartoGuy


    This is the fourth story that I am putting on here (Eevee Adventure has actually been “cancelled”), and I am very excited about it! Well, I’m not going to make it as long as my first two fanfics, but I hope I can do well with this. Maybe this time I can work on three stories at once. I’ll try harder this time, hopefully...

    Anyway, this story is rated PG for the same thing as the other fanfics- violence and phrases like “shut up” and whatnot, just to let you know. It occurs sometime during the second “dub season” of Naruto, and so until we get to those episodes, it may contain spoilers. Also, this storyline does not fit in with the actual series AT ALL. For the record but the Sannin and Sasuke’s brother Itachi will be in this story. If you want to avoid spoilers, maybe you should stop reading. (Then again, I haven’t even seen those episodes yet...) This is a comedy story, so don’t be surprised if you see people acting a little bit out of character. Not surprised? Good. Well, then you shouldn’t be surprised at this story because they’ll also act a lot out of character. Basically, I’m going to destroy the original personalities of every serious character on the show. Sasuke, Gaara, Kakashi, you name ‘em. There's a character guide coming soon, and I'm probably going to edit this first chapter later on, but...

    Okay, let the comedy begin again!

    EDIT: Apparently, we can't use any copyrighted songs, or something like that.

    Once upon a time, there was a demon fox named Mr. Kyuubi. (Kyuubi is Japanese for "ninte tales".) Now, Mr. Kyuubi was a red nine-tailed fox that had a little anger problem. When Mr. Kyuubi was headed to a village one night known as Konoha, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, the people there could easily tell that Mr. Kyuubi had... issues. With a series of different attacks, he terrorized the area near the village by attacking it. Now this freaked out the people, causing some of them to scream and run around in circles. But, the village was chock-full of ninja, the superhero-like people of those times. The people tried to attack the fox by throwing stuff at it to try and keep it from getting closer. It didn’t work. Mr. Kyubbi was a very tall fellow, and, using his tails, he shattered mountains and sent tital waves crashing to the area’s shore. Due to the fact that the villagers liked there city the way it was before Mr. Kyuubi started ruining it, the ninjas were very sad. Mr. Kyuubi hurt people’s feelings by terrorizing them. Many people cried. Many people died. Many people cried as they died. Many people are reading this story right now and are either laughing at it or rolling their eyes at this sentence and groaning. Even though they were doing badly, the ninjas tried to do all they could to keep it from going into the village. After all, if Mr. Kyuubi made it there, then he would have a terrorizing field day. (Wait a minute... field night... as it was nighttime.)

    Eventually, one ninja, or shinobi, actually had the guts to face Mr. Kyuubi like a man by facing him in mortal combat. He rode on Gama Bunta, which was a giant red toad with a dark blue jacket. Gama didn’t let anybody ride on him, and the person who rode on him was known as the Fourth Hokage. (The Hokage is the leader of Konoha.) He killed the fox with his uber powers. Yaaaay. Anyway, he did a little victory dance and decided to seal it somewhere. However, he couldn’t think of a place to seal it. He couldn’t think of any jars, boxes, cabinets, or suitcases to put the spirit in, so he decided to resort to sealing it within the belly of a newborn baby. And that’s where Naruto came in…

    Yes, Naruto, the boy who eventually grew up and became a ninja, developed a crush on a girl named Sakura, had an intense rivalry with a punk named Sasuke, trained with a teacher named Kakashi, yadda yadda yadda.

    Oh yeah, the Fourth Hokage then died from the whole sealing thing, so the Third Hokage had to come out of retirement and rule the land. But enough about that, let’s officially begin the story!!!

    Chapter 1- “Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? Is it a Shuriken? No, it’s Naruto!!!”

    So, where was I? Oh yes, twelve years had passed since the Mr. Kyuubi incident. Anyway, Naruto had made plenty of friends, rivals, and enemies as he continued being a ninja. Being a ninja, he had to always be alert whenever he was doing one of those super special ninja missions of his, and he always had to expect the unexpected. But, he could never expect the events of this story… Anyway, it seemed like a rather peaceful morning in the land of Konoha. The great yellow sun slowly climbed his way up in the sky.

    “They’re both late,” a black-haired boy in a blue jacket uttered. He was sitting on a brown bench that was near a pink-haired girl in red.

    “I’m sure they’ll come soon,” the girl said as she was looking out into the distant horizon. The two of them were waiting in a park filled with green grass and trees (duh). The girl turned to the boy and said, “In the mean time, Sasuke, do you think we should… well, you know, train together while we wait for Kakashi?”

    The boy, Sasuke (double duh) looked at the girl and then turned away. “No thanks,” he said. “I’d rather wait for Kakashi.”

    “Do you think Naruto’s coming at all?”

    “Sakura, we have a better chance of the fillers ending tomorrow than Naruto deciding not to come,” Sasuke pointed out. He sighed. “Hopefully Kakashi’ll come before Naruto, so we can get somewhere else by the time Naruto does come here.”

    Sakura looked at him closely. “Are you sure you don’t want us to do something while we wait?” She blushed a little.

    “Yeah,” he said. “I’m sure…”

    Sakura sighed, but then she unsighed (it happens, right?) and asked him, “Hey, ya’ wanna look for Kakashi with me?”

    Sasuke got up from the bench. “That might be the best idea.”

    Sakura smiled.

    Sasuke started walking up to Sakura, but five steps after he started watching, he heard “things” come out of the ground and felt them grab him. As he looked down, he noticed that two hands were sticking up out of the ground and grabbing his legs.

    “What the-?” he said as the two arms pulled him under. “AAAAAARRRRGGGHH!”

    “Sasuke!” Sakura screamed as she held her head in shock. Well, Sasuke wasn’t completely underneath the ground. His head was still sticking up.

    “Drat,” yelled Sasuke. “This is the third time this week!”

    Suddenly, a big figure broke and rose from the ground. (The figure didn’t break and then rise. He just broke the ground as he rose from it.) The figure brushed himself off as he stood behind the head of Sasuke.

    “What up?” the figure said.

    “Kakashi?!” Sakura said.

    “Dang it, Kakashi!” Sasuke said. “Why do you have to keep doing that to me every time you’re late… which is every time?!?!”

    “It’s fun,” Kakashi, the figure, said as he closed his eyes in happiness. (^v^) Kakashi wore a blue shirt and pants with a green, pocketed vest. He had spiky and jagged white hair on his head, which had a face that was covered by a dark blue mask that only showed his right eye.

    “Kakashi-sensei,” cried Sakura, “how dare you do that to Sasuke! And how long have you been done under there?”

    “Oh, about five minutes,” said Kakashi. “I was waiting for Naruto to come, but he didn’t show up yet, and so I got bored. That was when I decided to grab the legs of Mr. Uchiha here without him.”

    “Mr. Uchiha?!” Sakura said.

    “I’m sorry,” said Kakashi. “I couldn’t help but call you that, Sasuke. After all, you’re the only Uchiha left.”

    Five minutes?!” Sasuke cried. “But Sakura and I came to this spot twenty minutes ago! Where were you?!”

    “Well, first I got lost on the path of life,” Kakashi explained. “Then a black cat crossed my path so I had to take the longer route to get here. While I did, a traveling salesman was selling some manga so I decided to buy Black Cat Vol.1 because of my experiences with the cat earlier. But then the black cat came back at ate the book, so I pouted a little, then remembered that you guys were waiting here and so I traveled farther to get here, though I got back lost on the path of life again.”

    “That took twenty minutes?” said Sakura.

    “Actually, it took two,” Kakashi pointed out. “It only took fifteen minutes for me to get here, anyway.”

    “So what’d you do the other thirteen minutes?” Sasuke demanded.

    “Patience, my friend,” said Kakashi. “Anyway, I got lost on the path of life, but then I decided to follow the yellow brick road and that’s how I ended up here.”

    “But there isn’t a yellow brick road in the entire village,” mentioned Sasuke.

    “Don’t ruin the mood,” Kakashi warned him as he looked down at Sasuke’s head.

    “Ugh,” Sasuke said.

    Then Kakashi looked up at Sakura. “Oh yeah,” he said. “Where’s Naruto?”

    Sakura glared at him. “We don’t know!” she cried.

    “Well I was hoping you would know,” said Kakashi. “I can’t start our training without him.”

    “Maybe he died choking on some ramen noodles,” Sasuke said, grinning.

    “Very funny,” Kakashi said, sarcastically. “Okay guys, if he’s not gonna come, then we’ve got to do something else. Unless you want to do something while we wait for him to come.”

    “No thanks,” was Sasuke’s reply. “Can’t we just forget about him just this once?”

    “Uh-uh,” said Kakashi. “Let’s play a game, Sasuke. I am thinking of a number between 1 and 10. What is that number?”

    “Eleven,” Sasuke said, bored.


    “Kakashi-sensei, you shouldn’t have lied about what type of number it was!” Sakura said.

    Kakashi stopped jumping and looked at her. “Well sorry, but I couldn’t resist that either.”

    “Hey, um, Kakashi,” said Sasuke, “can you get me out of the ground? I can’t exactly… move.

    “Well I’d like to, Sasuke, but,” Kakashi replied as he pulled out a little pink book, “Make Out Paradise doesn’t read itself, you know.” He started reading the pink book, paying no attention to the Uchiha in the ground.

    “But sensei,” said Sasuke, “I think there are bugs under here... and as a member of the great Uchiha clan, I’d like you to get me out of here!”

    “Shut up,” said Kakashi, like an annoyed teenager. “I’m at the climax.

    “But you’re at the beginning of the book!” Sakura said, noticing that the book seemed to be at the first page.

    “Sakura… Kakashi… help me!” Sasuke screamed. “They’re… they’re crawling all over me. You got to get me out before one bites me and- AAAAAAAAH!”

    He winced in pain as a big ant from underground bit him. Sakura screamed as Kakashi giggled a little while reading his book. More bugs began crawlind on Sasuke’s body.

    “KAKAAAASHIIIII! HEEEEEELP!” Sasuke screamed. “They’re after me… AAAAAAUGH! It huuurts! AAAAAUGH! They’re all taking turns biting my Uchiha flesh! Hurry up and- AAAAAAAUGH!”

    His head kept squirming and shaking as bug after bug gave him bite after bite. Sakura ran over to help Sasuke. She bent over and stretched out her hands to try and pull out his head, but right before he touched him, another bug crawled down in his shirt and bit his stomach.

    HAAAAAAAAAUGH!” He shouted as his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Since Sakura was so close to Sasuke when his face jerkily moved to this bizarre expression she screamed and fell backward.


    “Now you’ve done it,” Kakashi said as he finally removed his pink book from his face.

    Suddenly, the little black cat that Kakashi mentioned earlier leaped out of some nearby bushes and landed on Sasuke’s head. “Oh geez,” Sasuke said. Suddenly, the cat started scratching and clawing at Sasuke’s face and hair. “Eyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” he cried. “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!”

    Kakashi stared at him and replied, “Sorry Sasuke, but I’m afraid I’d be next. What about you, Sakura?”

    He looked at Sakura, but all he found was her unconscious body lying on the ground from the shock of Sasuke’s weird expression from earlier.

    “Oh good grief,” he said, groaning.

    “I don’t know what’s worse!” Sasuke cried. “The bug bites or the cat! EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!”

    The cat got in an anime dust cloud with Sasuke’s head while the bugs from underneath the ground continued biting him. Yes, folks, he was doomed. Finally though, the cat finished his scratching and clawing and let go of Sasuke. The cat took a few steps back and then- POOF! -disappeared in a puff of white smoke. The smoke rose for several seconds and then disappeared to reveal… (duh-duh-duh-duuuuuh)… the lively body of a 12-year-old blonde boy wearing a jacket that was mainly orange (with some blue on the top) and some orange pants. His hair, by the way, was spiky enough for you to pop a birthday balloon. This blue-eyed boy looked down at Sasuke and smiled widely.

    Sasuke looked up at him and growled in anger. “NARU- GYAAAAAAAAH!- TO!? YOU WERE THE BLACK CAT?”

    “Egad!” Kakashi cried out. “You were the black cat that held me up?”

    The boy laughed. “Yup!” he said. Yeah, his name was Naruto Uzumaki. He is obviously the same Naruto this story is named after. Just saying. Yeah.

    “But Naruto- OOOOW,” said Sasuke, “why in the world did you to this? And I’m an Uchiha, too!”

    Naruto ignored his statement of being in the famous Uchiha clan and answered, “Aw, I just wanted to see if I could pull it off… and I did! Besides, it was worth seeing the look on your face. Actually, I wasn’t expecting you to be stuck in the ground. I was gonna attack you regardless of where you were.”

    Kakashi sighed. “I should’ve known you did this just for kicks.”

    Naruto laughed again. “And that’s another thing, sensei,” he mentioned. “I held you up back there because I was hoping I could reach Sasuke before you got here so I wouldn’t get in trouble. My original plan was to hold you up, come here, attack Sasuke, gloat, leave, and come back here transformed back into myself. But, uh, you came and all, so I figured I might as well showed myself.”

    “Thanks to the yellow brick road,” Kakashi pointed out.


    “Anyway,” continued Naruto, “I also decided to de-transform in front of Sasuke here because he wouldn’t be able to get me. Isn’t that right, Sasuke?”

    “Naruto…” said Sasuke, “…when I get out of here, I am going to- EYAAAAAH-"

    “You’re going to EYAAAAAH me?” Naruto said.

    “Naruto,” warned Kakashi, “as a ninja, you shouldn’t use your ninjutsu skills on your teammates instead of the enemies you face in battle.”

    Naruto frowned. “But he is my enemy, sensei!” he stated, pointing at him.

    “He is your ally,” Kakashi said, firmly. “Now listen to me. If you say one more thing about any of your teammates being enemies, I am going to rip Sasuke’s head off and shove it down your throat.”

    Sasuke’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute… when did I give you permission to do that?”

    “You guys are both idiots,” said Kakashi. “You’re incredibly strong, but you’re both idiots. And to think that the only smart one of the group is out cold.”

    “What to you mean?” Naruto said, and then he turned around and noticed the fainted Sakura. “AAAAAAAH!” he cried as he saw her and fainted with her.

    The sensei looked at the two unconscious preteens and then at Sasuke and said, “Well, Sasuke, it looks like it’s just you and me now.”

    “KYAAAAAAAAAAH!” Sasuke screamed as another bug bit him.

    Kakashi stared hard at him and then closed his book. “Or rather… you.” He then turned around and left.

    Sasuke couldn’t see Kakashi because he was already in front of the sensei and never actually saw him. Kakashi walked away from the back of Sasuke’s head, and so the only people in his path were the unconscious Naruto and Sakura. Realizing that he was all alone (except for the bugs), he began to cry a little before- “EYOOOOOOOW!” –yeah, another bug badly bit the boy. (Ain’t alliteration awesome?)

    Kakashi continued walking and thought, Man, my life is incredibly weird. Oh well, back to my book.

    And with that, he continued reading…

    So, what’ll happen next? Well, you’re going to find all about that in the next chapter! So, stay tuned for the next installment of… “Naruto C”!

    Yeah. Like I said before, I'll edit this a little more. I'm also going to add a preview for the next chapter.



    [SPOIL]Okay, so we saw Kakashi leaving Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto, but wait... why is he running back to them? And what's this? There's another person who's with them? Well, it's certainly a familliar "guy", if you know what I mean... heh heh heh...

    NEXT TIME: Chapter 2- "Get Ready! Kakashi's Newest Goal!"

    Vague, I know, but you'll find out what this is all about in the next chapter![/SPOIL]
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2007
  2. Yami Ryu

    Yami Ryu Well-Known Member

    ... was everyone meant to be ooc'd so badly? I mean seriously, it hurt to read this. You tried to be funny, and failed. And Shinobi = Ninja just about so sorta redundant to call him a Shinobi and not a Ninja.

    To be brutally honest, alot of the fillers are better than this.

    And by the by, when I said the first bit 'ooc'd so badly' I mean as in they weren't ooc'd in the good sort of way. I suggest reading some other comedy fics to get a grasp of crack/oocness that's good. One of my fave's is a humor/parody of people crossovering Harry Potterverse and Narutoverse. Anyways yeah you need help to get really funny, and not rely on cheap oocing and bad randomness.
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2006
  3. Seijiro Mafuné

    Seijiro Mafuné Diogomainardista!


    Come on, it's hilarious, Stagperson! I mean... it has Saske torture, it has Sakura torture, it has Naruto winning over people... it is great!

    Although something annoying is that he said 'Kyuubi' means 'fox'. It means 'ninetails'. 'Kitsune' means 'fox'.

    And yes, they're meant to be extremely out of character and doing hilarious antics. What did you expect, dry British humor? Teh Sitcom factor? A tree?

    Oh well.
  4. Rex Kamex

    Rex Kamex Well-Known Member

    Never fear, for this first chapter is only the beginning of the beginning. This chapter was basically a warmup to the real story, since I wanted to find a way to introduce Naruto and the others without getting into the details of the plot. It's basically a random episode. At least, at the beginning. You'll find out about the main plot starting next chapter...

    Anyway, thanks, you guys, for the reviews.

    It does? Ohhhhhhhh... I'll go change it then...

    I know, and I did use ninja a few times. I'm just going to use a mixture. I've been planning on using ninja more already, but I will just throw in a few "shinobis" anyway.

    I get what you mean, though the most serious people of the show will have the biggest changes. And even then, most of them didn't really become out of character until certain circumstances occur. For instance, Sasuke kept his cool until he was in the ground. Still, I did noticed that Kakashi contradicted himself in the first chapter (wanting to wait for Naruto so he could start the mission and then leave at the end of the chapter). I mioght do something about that.

    Anyway, I'll start work on the second chapter soon, though I probably won't finish and post it until I finish and post Chapter 30 (?) of Yu-Gi-Oh! C (I made plenty of progress on that yesterday.)

    EDIT: Happy Thanksgiving! I am so sorry for the delay. (Typical...) Anyway, here is the second chapter. I'll probably edit this later on. The preview will come soon.

    Before I go on, there is something important to know.

    A genin is the lowest ranking of a ninja. That’s what Naruto is in this story.
    A chunin is a higher ranking of a ninja.
    A jounin is even higher than that. Teachers like Kakashi are those.
    A hokage is the ranking after that. He/She must be the strongest ninjas in the village.

    Well… last time, you recall, we were introduced to Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi. Sasuke and Sakura were waiting for Kakashi and Naruto to come, and Kakashi, who happened to be under the ground Sasuke was standing on, pulled Sasuke down. Then Kakashi came out of the ground while bugs started to bite Sasuke’s (Uchiha) skin. Sakura fainted, and when Naruto finally showed up and noticed her, he fainted as well. Then, Kakashi… left.


    Chapter 2- “Get Ready! Kakashi’s Newest Goal!”

    It was still a beautiful sunny morning as Kakashi continued walking. With each step, he heard Sasuke Uchiha’s screams less and less. Kakashi sighed as he went on until he remembered something he once said to them.

    “Those who do not follow the rules of being a ninja are scum,” he once told Naruto and the others, “but those who abandon their friends… are worse than scum.”

    Kakashi remembered him saying that. It was his philosophy, and he ignored it! Thinking to himself, Kakashi stopped walking and paused to try and find some kind of loophole for what he did. While he was doing it, he started brushing off the dirt that was on him from hiding underground before.

    Uhhhhh, he thought, wait a minute. They’re technically my students. After all, I do teach them and everything. Yeah, that’s it. Friends are more likely to be people my age. And, uh, the only reason I hang with them is because I have to teach them. I’m their teacher.

    He giggled to himself and then sighed in relief as he finished his brushing off.

    Yeah, I’m their teacher. There are lots of teachers in the world who have plenty of students. Take, Iruka-sensei of the ninja academy. He teaches tons of kids to become ninja, but does that mean his students are all his friends? I don’t think so! Yeah, so I’m fine.

    Suddenly, a new thought popped in Kakashi’s head.

    “Hey, you know what?” he said out loud. “I think I’ll go give him a little visit, that’s what I’ll do. But wait! What will I say if Iruka asks me how Naruto and the others are doing?”

    He paused for a moment and thought. In the meantime, Sasuke was still screaming, but you could only hear him as much as you can hear the TV in the room next to you. (Depending on the volume… and whether or not there is a TV in the room next to you… and whether or not there is a room… okay, I’ll shut up.)

    Kakashi got an idea. “Hey, I know!” he said and then imitated what he would say in response. “Uh, ‘Hey, Iruka, my man!’ Yeah, that’s it. ‘My students are on a mission, and I, uh, stopped back here for a bathroom break… No, I couldn’t use the bush… What? … Abandon my friends?! … No, Iruka, they’re my students, not necessarily my friends. My students, get it?’ Yeah, that’s what I’ll sa-“


    Kakashi was so distracted by his own lies that he didn’t notice the wall ahead of him, and so he, well… crashed into it. He made contact smack dab in the middle of the beige wall of the Ninja Academy. It was here where Naruto Uzumaki learned how to become a ninja with the help of his old teacher Iruka.

    “Ooooowwwwww…” moaned Kakashi as his figure stayed planted in the wall of which he was… planted in. He stood there for several minutes, and then slowly peeled off the wall and fell backward, into the ground with a loud SPLAT. Was this a ninja, or a pancake?

    “Well if it isn’t my rival Kakashi…”

    The pained Kakashi, whose eyes were closed, suddenly, uh… opened his eyes. Directly above him was the upside-down face of…

    “Oh… it’s you, Guy-sensei,” Kakashi said. Yup, it was him all right.

    It turned out that Guy standing right behind Kakashi’s head and looked down at him. This was why when Kakashi looked at him his head was facing upside-down. Now Guy-sensei wore an outfit similar to Kakashi’s. It was green like Kakashi’s as well. However, unlike Kakashi’s messy white hair, Guy-sensei has black hair, and it was bowl-shaped. Not really an afro, but… not too far behind that. Guy’s nose was bigger than Kakashi’s, and his eyebrows were DEFINITELY thicker than Kakashi’s. Guy’s current smile was definitely bigger than Kakashi’s, but that’s mainly because Kakashi wasn’t smiling. At least… I don’t think he was… it’s hard to tell with that mask he was wearing.

    “Well,” said Kakashi, not wanting to have Guy see him in this position forever, “it was nice talking to ya. See you again sometime-“

    “Now hold on a minute, Kakashi, I just got here,” Guy answered back, a little annoyed. Then he smiled again. “So… where are your students?”

    Kakashi looked at him dead in the eye and wondered whether or not the “bathroom” excuse would be a good idea after all. “Uh… well…”

    “Last time I checked, Lee and the gang were having a blast,” Guy said, talking about his teammates. “They had been doing so well on missions lately that I decided to give them the day off.”

    This gave Kakashi an idea. “Um, uh, what a coincidence, “ said Kakashi in an overly dramatic voice. “I gave my students the day off too. They’re, uh, over at the… um… the mountain site with the Hokage’s faces on them. “

    “But that’s where my students are right now,” said the confused Guy-sensei.

    “Um… uh… no they aren’t,” Kakashi said in a fake tone.

    “Kakashi, how can you tell me where my students are or aren’t?” Gai asked him.

    “Ummm, uhhh,” said Kakashi as he formed an excuse, “…that’s… how… cool I am?”

    Ironically, that response triggered something in Guy, causing him to give off a shocked expression. Basically, he was shocked. Then, he shook his fist. “Okay, Kakashi,” he shouted, angrily. “You may have won this round, but next time I’ll say something cooler than you! Because that’s what rivals like us do!”

    “Fine by me,” said Kakashi, happy that Guy actually bought Kakashi’s pathetic excuse for a bluff. That’s just like Guy, he thought. Always trying to act cooler than me. But I think he won this time.

    But back up, back up. I think there’s something worth explaining. See, about the mountain of the Hokages… they are a bunch of mountains in the Konoha village which have carved into them the faces of the former Hokages, or the rulers of the Konoha leaf village. It’s like Mt. Rushmore with the Hokage faces on them! Okay, back to the story.

    “Anyway,” said Guy-sensei, “I’m gonna go for a walk. I think I know the perfect way to beat you. See you, Kakashi!”

    He walked off, specifically in the direction that Kakashi came from. Kakashi, who was still hurting from the fall, realized what Guy was saying and slowly put his hands on the ground and lifted his upper body up from the ground. Then he pushed his hands down as he slowly stood up. Gasping, he turned to Guy and said, “Wait… what do you mean?”

    Guy turned around. “Oh nothing… well… nothing new.”

    Kakashi thought for a moment but was still confused. “What do you mean ‘nothing new’? What are you talking about?”

    “What am I talking about?!” Guy said, shocked. “Man, Kakashi, where have you been?”

    “I know where you’re going to be in a minute if you don’t tell me what I want to know, Guy,” Kakashi warned him. He slowly marched toward Guy. “Buried underground from when I totally KILL YOU!”

    “Whoa, whoa, calm down, Kakashi,” Guy said, waving his hands in the air, and Kakashi stopped. “No, seriously, you really don’t know what’s going on?”

    “FOR THE LAST TIME, GUY! TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Kakashi yelled, pointing at him.

    “Wait,” said Guy, making fun of the situation. “Does this mean that if I don’t tell you you’re going to stop asking me about it?”


    “Dang it, Kakashi, how could you not hear about this?” said Guy. “About the 4.5th Hokage!”

    Kakashi calmed down again. “Who’s the 4.5th Hokage?”

    “I don’t know,” Guy said, grinning while shrugging. “That’s what we’re all trying to find out!”

    “Come again, Guy?” Kakashi said, scratching his noggin with his finger.

    Guy-sensei gave a big sigh. “Kakashi, man, buddy, sensei, dude, hombre…”


    Hombre,” Guy continued, annoyed, “how in the world did you not know about this? The fourth Hokage is having a contest to see who will become the 4.5th Hokage!”

    “Why the 4.5th Hokage?” said Kakashi. “And who’s eligible?”

    “It’s a contest to see who will be Hokage for a week, just for fun,” Guy explained. “They will become the temporary ruler of Konoha. It’s a contest, dang it! A CONTEST!”

    “Wait, so let me get this straight,” said Kakashi, his eyes half closed. “A contest?”

    Guy-sensei turned red with anger and caused smoke to flow out of his ears. “YES! YES! YES! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! ITISACONTEST!”

    Kakashi just watched.


    “Guy, I don’t think the word ‘con’ can be used in that context,” Kakashi said. “No pun intended with ‘context’, but I’m glad I said it!”

    Guy-sensei started breathing heavily. “Okay… uhhh… any jounin of the village can enter the contest. This contest is basically handled like an election, which will take place in five days.”

    “Well, I’m a jounin,” said Kakashi. “Do I have to fill out any kind of form to join?”

    “Uh-huh,” answered Guy. “The Hokage said he’d give some to any candidates tomorrow. I intend to enter and win. My entire team has my support, especially my protégée of a student, Lee.”

    “I see…” Kakashi said, thinking of Lee, a ninja who dressed up just like Guy and had a similar hairstyle and eyebrows.

    “Well,” said Guy-sensei, turning back around, “I’ll be seeing you.”

    “Bye then,” mentioned Kakashi, and Guy walked on.

    Well, for a few seconds- then he turned around again. “Oh, and Kakashi?”

    “Yes, Guy-sensei?”

    “Uh, you do realize there’s a poster of the competition on the wall, right?”

    Kakashi looked at the wall and first noticed a giant mark in his shape on it where he ran into it. To the right of it was a big, white poster which said on the bottom in dark, big letters,


    Kakashi also saw the date of the election, which was exactly when Guy said it would be. “Aw, man…” he said. “How in the world could I miss the poster? And what am I gonna do about that mark? What do you think, Guy-sensei?”

    He turned back around and noticed that in place of Guy-sensei was a great big pile of… air…

    “Guy-sensei? Guy-sensei!” said Kakashi, scratching his head. Then he thought aloud. “Hmm… he’s gone… oh well…”

    Suddenly, his eyes widened as he had an interesting yet frightening thought.

    Wait a minute, he thought. I bet more people would elect me if they noticed me doing some very heroic things. Sure, I’m pretty well known already, but now I’ll have to take things to the extreme. Plus, what’ll happen if anyone discovers how Naruto and the others are right now? If they do, they’ll think I’m a bad teacher!

    He gasped.

    “I’ve gotta save them! I’d better hurry!” Kakashi said. “Sasuke’s screaming would increase their chances of being discovered anyway!”

    With that, he started sprinting, mainly because the motivation of saving his reputation somehow gave him the strength to do such thing. (The power of utter stupidity!)

    “Don’t worry, kids! I’m coming to saaaaaave yooooouuuu!” Kakashi screamed. While he was running, he didn’t seem to notice that he couldn’t hear Sasuke’s screams even though he was going in the right direction…

    With one leap, Kakashi jumped over the final bushes blocking the path to his destination. When he finally reached it, he noticed something very shocking. First, Naruto and Sakura were conscious, standing up as if nothing had happened. The second thing was who they were looking at. Sasuke was brushing himself off with Guy-sensei right beside him. Sasuke was standing like his teammates! Besides the two of them was the hole that Sasuke used to be stuck in.

    “Are you okay, Sasuke?” Guy-sensei asked him.

    “Yeah, I think so…” said Sasuke as he finished brushing off the dirt and then looked at him. “Thank you, Guy-sensei.”

    “No problem, Sasuke,” Guy answered, grinning. “And it’s a good thing those bugs are gone, too.”

    Sakura, who had a crush on Sasuke, exclaimed, “Yeah! Sasuke! You’re okay!”

    “Yeah!” Naruto said as he casually turned around and then noticed his teacher. Pointing, he then said, “Hey, it’s Kakashi-sensei!”

    Everyone turned around to see Kakashi staring at them. The three genin ninjas glared at their sensei, thinking about what happened earlier.

    Kakashi, who was speechless, started waving his hands and saying, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOOOOOAH! What is going on here?”

    Guy continued to grin as he replied, “I was walking and walking when I heard some screaming. I ran over to see what it was and found out it was Sasuke. I pulled him out of the ground that he was stuck in. Then while he was brushing himself off, I went over to Naruto and Sakura and pushed on their chests until they breathed again. I was very close to using CPR on the two of them. Anyway, when they were awake I went back to Sasuke and scared any other nearby bugs away. Pretty cool, huh” His smile then turned into a frown. “But you know, Kakashi, this doesn’t look like the Hokage mountain site place to me. All I see are a bunch of trees and… trees.”

    Beads of sweat began to appear on Kakashi’s face as he said, “Did I say I took them there?”

    “Yes, you did,” Guy-sensei said, firmly.

    “Well…” Kakashi said, looking down for a minute to avoid any visual confrontation, “I didn’t know that they left that place and came here.” He then looked up again. “Sasuke, what have I told you about playing in the dirt?”

    “Dang it, Kakashi!” shouted Sasuke as he pointed at him. “Don’t play dumb with us! You pulled me down!”

    “Pulled you down?!” Kakashi said, dumbly. “Look at myself. I couldn’t pull you down unless I was already in the ground already, and if I did that, then why don’t I have any dirt on me from being in the ground?”

    “You must have brushed it off,” Sasuke said, angrily.

    “Brushed it off?!” said Kakashi. He then looked at Guy-sensei. “Kids these days. It’s hard to tell where they get these kinds of ideas.”

    “I’ll tell you where,” said Naruto. “From real life. Look at your hair, sensei!”

    Sakura walked up to Kakashi and said, “Lean your head forward, sensei. There’s something in your hair.”

    “My hair?!” Kakashi said, confused once again. He then realized there was something in it. My hair! he cried in thought. I didn’t finish brushing all the dirt out of my hair!

    “Sensei,” Sakura said, frustrated.

    Kakashi nervously said, “There’s nothing in my hair- OHH!”

    Sakura leaped up and clutched her sensei’s hair, slowly pulling out some brown dirt from it. Everyone gasped.

    “Aha!” Sasuke cried out. “That’s proof! Why else would dirt be in your hair?”

    Kakashi blinked, dumbly. “Um, uh, because I’m cool enough for there to be?”

    Guy-sensei’s eyes widened and was shocked at this statement. “Kakashi-sensei, you’ve done it again!” he said. “All right, that’s it, I’m outta here! You cool person, you!”

    He turned around and walked away as everyone stared at him. Then the three genin turned back to the other jounin.

    “All right, sensei, what’s up?” said Sakura. “Why are you doing this?”

    “Yeah, man,” said Naruto. “Why didn’t you just do the noble thing and ‘fess up?”

    Kakashi watched Sasuke and Naruto move closer to Sakura. “Because,” he whispered, “I didn’t want to let Guy-sensei know that I did this to you. It would ruin my wonderful reputation.”

    “Well you should’ve thought of that in the first place, Kakashi,” Sakura advised him.

    He responded in a regular tone of voice, “But I didn’t know that they were having a contest for who would be-“

    “-The 4.5th Hokage?” the three of them said at the same time.

    Kakashi’s eyes widened at them. “You all knew that? Why didn’t you tell me?”

    “Why didn’t you know?” was Naruto’s comeback.

    “I don’t know!” Kakashi said. “Anyway… I’m running and I need some assistance in my campaign. So, will you help me?”

    Sasuke took one further step at him and looked into his eyes with a firm stare. Kakashi was starting back at him, wondering what the boy would do next.

    “So let me get this straight,” Sasuke began. “You pull me underground for the billionth time, and then you want me to pretend like none of that stuff ever happened and help you become temporary ruler of this entire area because you can’t do it yourself?”

    Kakashi thought for a moment and then said without any further hesitation, “Yes.”

    Sasuke put his hands into his pockets, turned around, and started walking away. “I don’t wanna do it.”

    Sakura turned around and followed him, saying, “I don’t wanna do it if Sasuke doesn’t wanna do it.”

    “And I don’t wanna do it if Sakura doesn’t wanna do it,” Naruto said, following her.

    “See you around, sensei!” they cried.

    “Wait!” the sensei shouted back, but they ignored him.

    Aw man, he thought. I should’ve made their assistance count as some kind of highly ranked ninja mission…

    Suddenly, he heard footsteps and noticed that Naruto was coming back. Still with a frown, the boy said, “Hey sensei, if I help you out…”

    With those words, Kakashi gave out a big smile (you could tell even with the mask on him).

    “… could you make me be some kind of assistant Hokage?”

    His smile turned into a frown as he cried, “What? Naruto, I can’t believe you!”

    Naruto got angry. “What, what’s wrong?”

    “You know what’s wrong, boy!” Kakashi yelled and pointed at him.


    “Eh, what have I done to you?”


    “So? You’re just using me for your own selfish ambitions!”


    “Well two wrongs don’t make a right!”






    “Again I say, so?” said Kakashi.


    “But I’ve also always said that those who abandoned their friends are worse than scum!” Kakashi pointed out. “And I’m your friend. Which would you rather be- scum, or worse than scum?

    “But… we’re your friends, too, and you abandoned us!”

    “Students are not friends,” Kakashi explained. “They’re just students.”

    “So that’s what you think of us!” exclaimed the shocked Naruto. Then he thought for a moment. “Wait… is this some kind of stupid loophole you made up just so you could get away with denying that you were breaking your own rule?”

    “Uh… no,” Kakashi said, sweating again. “B-b-but… you’ll still be abandoning me as a friend.”

    “Aha!” exclaimed Naruto, smiling. “I’ll just fight loophole with loophole. You’ve said that those who abandoned their friends are worse than scum!”

    “And, Naruto?”

    “But you’re just one person, meaning that you’re just my friend, not my friends!”

    Kakashi put his hand over his face and looked down. “Oh my goooosh… Naruto… that is by far the stupidest loophole I have ever heard.”

    “Then you should listen to yourself more often,” retorted Naruto. “Well… who said that you were even my friend? If teachers don’t have to consider students friends, then students shouldn’t consider teachers to be their friends! Teachers always say that they’re not here to be our friends.”

    “Ugh,” said Kakashi.

    “So how do you like them apples, sensei?” Naruto cried.

    “Uh, I like them boiled,” he answered back.


    “Never mind. Listen, Naruto,” he said. “You have to help me-“


    “I thought you wanted to be the Hokage’s assistant?!”


    “But genin can’t enter!”


    “No way. In fact, am I even allowed to make you the assistant Hokage?“

    “Well, technically, the rules state that it is allowed if a teacher has a willing genin,” mentioned Naruto, “and I’m willing, I’m a genin, and I’m a willing genin.”

    “Your mom’s a willing genin.”


    “Sorry, I couldn’t resist that one,” Kakashi said. “Anyway… I am definitely not making you the main Hokage.”

    “Fine,” said Naruto. “Then make me the assistant.”

    “Make up your mind, Naruto.”

    “But you said-“

    “Forget what I said.”

    “Then I’ll forget what you said about you not letting me be assistant Hokage!” Naruto exclaimed, pointing at him.

    “Ha!” said Kakashi. “You can’t say that because in order for you to forget what I said, you’d have to forget what I said about forgetting what I said! I win!”

    “But then how could I forget about forgetting what you said about forgetting… oh, never mind, sensei, forget it. Just make me assistant Hokage!”


    “MAKE ME ASSISTANT HOKAGE!” Naruto cried jabbing his right fist directly into Kakashi’s stomach.

    “Oof!” Kakashi cried as his eyes widened. Naruto put his fist down while Kakashi clutched his stomach and walked back while wincing. “Naru… to…”

    “What’s the matter?” said Naruto. “C’mon, Kakashi, I thought you were stronger than that!”

    “You just caught me by surprise,” said Kakashi.

    “Well let’s fight, sensei!” said Naruto. “Words will not solve anything. C’mon, put ‘em up! Put ‘em up! Put ‘em up!” He started jumping and hoping up and down. “You should always expect the unexpected!”

    Kakashi let go of his stomach and said, “Oh, oh yeah? Well unexpect this!”

    He then lunged at Naruto and tackled him to the ground. “AAAAUGH!” he cried as Kakashi flipped him over so he landed on his stomach.

    He then sat on his back, facing Naruto’s legs, and he took his right hand and slapped Naruto’s little tushy over and over again. “You will help me! You will! You will! You will!”

    “AAUGH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!” Naruto cried in pain as Kakashi continued spanking him.


    “Seeeeenseeeeeeiiiiii!” Naruto wailed.

    SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! Kakashi continued hurting and yelling at Naruto. “SAY IT! C’MON, BOY! SAY IT! YOU WILL HELP ME! SAY IT! C’MON, BOY! BOY! BOY!? BOY!? BOY!?”

    “Okay! Ow! I will help you! Ow!” was Naruto’s reply.

    Suddenly, Kakashi turned calm again and got off of Naruto’s back. “Okay, then,” he said, peacefully. “I can’t wait. You won’t regret this, Naruto.”

    “Uggggggh,” sajd Naruto. “Geeeee…”

    A candidate who pulls people underground. A candidate who abandons his students. A candidate who bumps into walls. A candidate who thinks of stupid loopholes. A candidate who spanks people. Is this the kind of candidate you want to become the 4.5th Hokage? Will he become the 4.5th Hokage? Only time and chapters will tell. See you next time!

    Oh, and so much for a visit to Iruka-sensei...

    By the way, I'm not supposed to spell "jounin" like that am I?
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2006
  5. Phatkav

    Phatkav Waiting for FFXIII

    I just finished reading it. Comparing this to Pokiman, It's seems that Naruto C has less action. Anyway, from the two chapters they looked like regular Naruto fillers. Maybe you should do something about it. Like add more action to the stories and introduce new things at a faster rate. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

    Off Topic: What happened to your Pokiman series? I'm on chapter 8, but it seems like you are not updating anymore. I'm just curious, but I really like Pokiman. One of my favorite fictions of all time in here.
  6. Rex Kamex

    Rex Kamex Well-Known Member

    Well, there is going to be at least a little more action in the next chapter since it talks about how Naruto helps Kakashi in his campaign. (More characters will be introduced as well.) I am planning on putting fights in here, but I'm not sure exactly where yet.

    Aw, thank you. This is definately hard to believe (or even say), but I haven't quit working on it. I just haven't worked on it for a while. I have already started working on the next chapter, but I need to spend more time to work on it. I haven't quit it though. The good thing is that people who haven't read it yet will have plenty of time to read it without worrying about updates. The bad thing is that I'm sure most people have forgotten about this story since I haven't updated it in months. :eek:
  7. Kitsune Winterheart

    Kitsune Winterheart Wintry Lights

    I just love this fic. I like from that kind of humor, and it's the funniest fic I've ever readen! ^^ *Rates 4*
  8. pichu21

    pichu21 Member

    wat the freak is this ?!?!?!?!? im not gonna read it ( ill b 100 by the time i finsh ) but it looks like a novel.
    hey do u think my teacher will take this as summer readin ?

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