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Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place (14A)

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
Revised
To Leave the Nest

The two left Professor Birch’s large laboratory and began to walk down the black tarmac. The four o’clock sun shone bright, casting bright beams on the two travelers’ dried, blood stained faces.

“I still don’t understand…why did you let yourself be captured?” Jeff asked Treecko.

Treecko attempted to explain, using various body gestures. He made a stance with fists raised, like a Tyrogue, and pointed down the street to Jeff’s house.

“Tyrogue?” Jeff asked, to which Treecko nodded. “Tyrogue made you want to be captured? But how and why?”

Treecko pointed Jeff and then crossed his arms like an ‘X’. He then pointed to himself before climbing up to hang onto Jeff’s right shoulder by one arm.

“I… am not…” Treecko shook his head. “I…don’t…” Treecko nodded, indicating that he got that part correct. “I don’t… you… I didn’t like you?!”

Treecko nodded, now climbing completely onto Jeff’s shoulder.

“Damn it, Tyrogue,” Jeff grunted “That’s ridiculous, of course I wanted to be friends with you…I think Tyrogue just doesn’t like…” Jeff tried to think of a way to put it lightly, but couldn’t. “…you.”

The teen bit his lip, worried that his new pokemon might get offended from his blunt remark.

Treecko shrugged. “Treecko cko tree,” he grinned, trying to say, “<I get that a lot.>”

Jeff halted in front of a medium-sized white house. He began to cut across the spacious green lawn towards his home a final time before heading off. While avoiding the jets of a sprinkler, he noticed two neighbors standing on the sidewalk behind him. Although they were talking quietly, Jeff heard them say something along the lines of “Did that kid really choose that Treecko? He must have a loose bolt to want to go training with it!”

Treecko grunted without care and Jeff now knew that he had also heard them. He swung around defensively to retort but found himself stopped short when he noticed that he was standing directly over the sprinkler.

“Treecko tree…” mumbled Treecko sarcastically, while placing his hands behind his collected head.

“Oh be quiet, you…” Jeff murmured, grumpily yet in good cheer.

The grass lizard took a glance around the suburban neighborhood, still waiting for his companion to trudge his way out of the sprinkler. Jeff, now soaking, walked up the white steps of the front house and onto the veranda, which had several deck chairs sitting on the wooden porch. He opened the white, windowed front door and entered a cramped vestibule littered with shoes and umbrellas. Ahead was the hallway which Treecko recognized as the place where Tyrogue encouraged him to leave.

“Hey, mom, I’m back!” Jeff yelled into the house as he entered. “Treecko, this is my home...in the daytime,” he told him, as Treecko jumped down and looked around curiously.

He looked to his left and noticed a spread out living room complimented with two opposite-facing leather couches. Behind the green leather couch was an unlit fireplace, which housed a mantelpiece above it. Parallel to the front door was a hallway that led to the kitchen. To their right were stairs that led to the second floor.

“What took you so long?” his mom asked before turning into the hallway from the kitchen. She was a dyed blonde, brown haired woman walked entered and looked at them.

“That’s no Torchi--” Jeff’s mom stopped mid sentence after closely examining the scratched up and beaten pals.

“My goodness! What happened to you two?!” she asked, frantically digging through a cabinet beside her looking for one of the many first aid kits in the house.

“It’s nothing; we were on the receiving end of a Fearow’s beak--y’know, kind of a male bonding thing,” Jeff replied with a slight grin.

Mrs. Growell inspected Jeff’s new pokemon and looked less than pleased. The master observer, Treecko, noticed this and clearly was expecting no more than disappointment.

“Mom, this is Treecko. I decided on traveling with him before I walked out the door today,” Jeff admitted as he introduced them.

“I thought you said that you were getting a Torchic!” Mrs. Growell said, disappointed.

“Mom…never did I once say that I was getting a Torchic! I wanted a Treecko ever since I saw my brother’s, when I was nine,” Jeff replied, truthfully.

He looked at where Treecko was standing and imagined a Torchic standing in his place. Jeff envisioned the Torchic cutely running around in circles before crashing into a wall. He chuckled and didn’t mind the idea of having a Torchic, but for some reason, he still wanted Treecko, instead. The grass type sweat dropped, noticing that Jeff was staring at him for the past minute.

“Not even a Mudkip?” she yearned. “Your brother chose a Mudkip!” This snapped Jeff out of his differential thoughts.

“No he didn’t! He chose Treecko…he caught a Mudkip somewhere after saving it… and that was nine years before this guy came along!” Jeff corrected, motioning to Treecko. “I’ve made my choice and I don’t doubt a single thought of it!” Jeff said in irritatation.

To this Treecko smiled, smugly. The lizard mumbled to himself, “<Arceus, it sounds like being friends with one’s first pokemon is some sort of right of passage for these humans. And this guy’s mother forgets her own son’s one? I’m really NOT missing out on this whole ‘parents’ thing. I’ll probably be forgotten much quicker than the other Treecko.>”

“Well, Treecko sure is…nice.” His mom lied as she looked at Treecko who lay on Jeff’s shoulder, leaning against his tail and Jeff’s cranium, with his arms behind his head.

Jeff began to get uncomfortable with the disdain towards his friend, so he quickly brought up a question that he was planning to ask anyways. “Is Dad still working at the hospital in Petalburg?” he asked his mom.

“Yes, he is on-call so he and Bayleef will be home later tonight,” his mom replied, walking into the kitchen.

Treecko tilted his head at Jeff upon hearing the odd pokemon’s name.

“You remember Chikorita? She’s now a Bayleef… a grass reptile pokemon, like you. She helps him out at the hospital, healing people’s ailments and wounds,” Jeff explained to Treecko.

Treecko listened, intrigued, and then went back to poking around the living room. Jeff ran up to his room, packed a few more items, changed into the same, but dry pair of the green shirt he was wearing. He also threw two more shirts into his backpack.

It never hurts to pack some clean, fresh shirts in case we run into Kristie again,” he thought.

Tyrogue entered the living room, from a door leading to the kitchen, with a huge scowl on his face. “<You again,>” Tyrogue growled, cracking his knuckles.

“<That was a pretty low stunt that you pulled last time…>” Treecko began growling in return.

“<Not as low as this!>” Tyrogue roared, swinging his leg sideways, taking out the grass type’s legs.

“<What the hell!?>” Treecko snarled, hitting the hardwood floor.

He quickly recovered from the fall and bounded upwards, knocking Tyrogue into the wall. Two hanging pictures dropped as a result from the impact. Treecko jumped at Tyrogue, who was getting up. With a quick exchange from the wood gecko’s tail, Tyrogue was thrown into the wall again. The fighting type cringed and stood back up. He kicked Treecko in the gut before upper cutting him against the couch.

“What’s that sound?!” Jeff called down from upstairs.

Tyrogue grabbed the wincing Treecko by the throat and held him off the ground. The grass type was completely vulnerable while Tyrogue delivered solid punches to his face, like a hammer beating in a nail. He cringed in pain and anger, while the cuts on his face reopened and bled. Treecko held on to the scuffle pokemon’s wrist, trying to loosen his grip. Jeff ran back downstairs and saw the green lizard pinned against a doorframe by Tyrogue; Treecko was quickly losing oxygen.

“DAMN IT YOU TWO, BREAK IT UP, NOW!” Jeff yelled as he ran to them and pried them apart. Using his long arms, he pressed them both against opposite sides of a door frame, making sure they wouldn’t start fighting again.

“What the hell are you two doing? Now is not the time to settle whatever scores you have with each other. It’s a good thing that we’re leaving…Tyrogue, go back to weightlifting or whatever the hell you do. Treecko, let’s go.” Jeff commanded, releasing them to the hardwood floor.

It’s a good thing he’s not coming with us…” Jeff thought to himself. He imagined if Tyrogue did come along and envisioned himself walking along side one of those cartoon fights with the arms and legs shooting out of a moving ball of dust.

Tyrogue grumbled as he sulked upstairs and Treecko was on his knees rubbing his red throat, panting from the lack of oxygen. The wood gecko stood to his feet and ran after Tyrogue, enraged. He lunged up the stairs at the ignorant fighting pokemon, but found himself stopped in the air. Jeff had grabbed one of his two tails. Treecko swung about helplessly, held up by Jeff.

“Treecko…” Jeff glared at him disapprovingly. Treecko ignored him and swung about trying to free himself and attack the clueless Tyrogue.

“Damnit, Treecko, stop it! It’s over!” Jeff growled.

Treecko continued thrashing for thirty seconds, refusing to give in. Jeff stared at him, exasperated. Treecko then stopped reluctantly, giving in, and was limply hanging by his tail. He swung back and forth, looking upset.

“Sorry Treecko, I know Tyrogue is an *******, but you don’t want to stoop to his level,” Jeff explained. Treecko silently stared at the wall, upside down.

“Look, I know that we’re just getting to know each other, even though we’ve actually known each other for a year. But trust me; I just did you a big favour. Are we cool?” Jeff asked Treecko, who still looked angry. Treecko scowled but then nodded, still trying to cool down. Jeff let go of his tail and placed him on the stairs; they continued back down to the hallway.

Jeff looked in the mirror in the main hallway at his battered face.

“I haven’t even left town yet and I already look like I was in the ‘100 Years War’… this is going to be a long trip,” Jeff thought out loud. “But, at least I have a cool scar!” Jeff turned to Treecko, smiling.

Treecko, who had finally began to cool off, forced a smile and motioned his head towards the door, obviously getting a little impatient.

Jeff nodded. “We should really be heading off before we start bleeding on the carpet.” Jeff told his mom, “I’m gonna go say goodbye to Tyrogue and then we’re off!”

Jeff walked back up the stairs and called out, “Hey, Tyrogue…I’m sor…” Jeff stopped in the middle of his sentence as he reached the top of the stairs. He found himself looking at a large brown bodied pokemon with long, flexible, lighter brown, muscular legs. The pokemon’s brown eyes squinted at Jeff, happily.

“Woah!” Jeff yelped, and hopped backwards onto the stairs in surprise at the new pokemon. Jeff missed a step and found himself slowly falling backwards down the stairs. The pokemon quickly outstretched its foot; it extended and caught him before he hit the stairs. Jeff pulled on the leg to stand himself up. He looked cautiously at the pokemon.

“Ty…rogue?” Jeff asked, inspecting him.

“Lee, hitmonlee,” it replied, correcting him. He spoke proudly in a low, raspy voice.

Treecko quickly ran to the base of the stairs and called up with some concern. “Cko treecko?”

Jeff frantically covered for himself, “I’m fine, Treecko…go see if you can find my…shoe!”

Jeff didn’t want Treecko to feel ashamed and weak compared to the newly evolved pokemon, who Treecko wasn’t fond of. He could imagine the poor guy sulking off, feeling inadequate to the new fighting pokemon. Jeff was worried he may have even started a fight with him to prove himself and Jeff knew that Hitmonlee would be eager to test out his new form. He shuddered at the chaos that would have ensued.

“Congratulations, Tyrogue, but I have to go now. For my sakes, don’t come downstairs until we leave, okay? No offense, but I don’t want you stealing our thunder,” Jeff quietly told him. He wasn’t concerned about himself but Treecko, who had been through a lot that day and this was the last thing that he needed.

Hitmonlee nodded and walked back into the upstairs hallway. Jeff jogged down the stairs to Treecko, who waited eagerly in the vestibule.

“Hey mom, I’ll call you and dad in the pokemon center in the next town…and something happened to Tyrogue!” Jeff called to her as she entered the hallway.

Treecko smirked at Tyrogue’s apparent misfortune, unknowing of Jeff’s true meaning.

His mom, although she was no stranger to having sons leave for pokemon training, was still quite upset.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right?! Will you call as soon as you can? Will that Treecko be strong enough to protect you from wild ones?” she asked anxiously.

To that question, Treecko growled. Jeff kneeled down and put a hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll be fine, Mom. I’ll be okay with Treecko fighting alongside me. Really.”

She sighed, almost tearfully. “Okay. I’ll miss you. Be careful and have that Treecko take good care of you!”

“I’ll miss you too, and I can take care of myself…just because I can’t make an omelet…” Jeff called out to his mom, and cut himself off as he closed the front door.

“Is she serious? Us…be careful?” Jeff muttered to Treecko, who was on his shoulder as Jeff walked down the porch stairs.

The duo were shocked to find a small crowd waiting for them at the front of their house. Treecko was confused at the gathering of humans, but Jeff was only surprised. He had seen the townspeople do a similar thing for Alan yesterday night, but he had thought that was purely Alan-exclusive. He was happy that they were doing this but also quite embarrassed.

“Congratulations or your first pokemon!” they told Jeff, enthusiastically.

“Treecko, huh? Never thought I’d see the day when a trainer from home would choose Treecko over Torchic or Mudkip!” one man in his thirties stated.

“Be safe and put Littleroot on the map!” another woman encouraged.

Jeff blushed; Treecko was especially unfamiliar with the sudden amount of attention that they were receiving. He was always the odd one out. Jeff, filled with shock and embarrassment, had trouble speaking when trying to thank the small crowd. Jeff walked to his father, who had dark brown hair and was still in hospital scrubs.

“What are you doing out of work?” Jeff asked him.

“I couldn’t miss my son starting on his own journey…did you pack the medical kits that I took from the hospital? You look like you’ll need them,” he said, inspecting their cuts.

Jeff nodded.

Mr. Growell looked at Treecko. “That’s a really cool pokemon you have there!”

Treecko grinned out of the corner of his mouth and gave a nod.

“He sure is!” Jeff proudly told him. “Mom, doesn’t seem to like him much.”

“She chose a Torchic back when she was a trainer,” he replied.

“Oh yeah… is Blaziken still helping Uncle George on the SWAT team?”

“Yup, he is,” Mr. Growell answered.

Behind Jeff's father stood a large, light green dinosaur pokemon. It was Bayleef. She was much larger than she was when she was a Chikorita. She now had a much longer head leaf and a necklace of green flower buds. Bayleef walked up to Treecko and handed him a flower with one of her vine whips.

“Treecko.” Treecko nodded, in thanks, although he was quite confused as to why she was giving him a flower. Bayleef blushed a little bit and then backed up behind Jeff’s dad’s legs.

“Th-thank you, all…f-for this great sendoff party…thing. I’ll do a great job with Treecko by my side!” Jeff announced to them, trying not to stammer from modesty.

The crowd applauded and the two blushed as they moved past the crowd and up the north road.

Jeff and Treecko, feeling homesick already, set off into the forest, leaving their respective homes behind.

“Route 101—Oldale Town,” Jeff stated as he read the sign aloud.

“Well…” Jeff looked to Treecko. “We’ve got to start somewhere.” Treecko nodded and they continued on down the rugged dirt path.

Jeff walked, swatting flies away, who were buzzing around him like it was their last supper. “It’s a good thing that this route is pretty short, these bugs are annoying the hell out of me.” Treecko chuckled at Jeff’s annoyance.

“Oh sure, laugh it up. What’s annoying for me is a nice, light snack for you.” Jeff retorted, teasingly.

Jeff looked at his first pokemon and had an idealistic feeling by looking at him that they’ll have an unbreakable bond. He watched Treecko look at the flower given to him by Bayleef.

I wonder if he knows Bay has a crush on him,” the teen thought to himself. Jeff watched Treecko carelessly flick the flower into the forest before yawning, much to his embarrassment. “I guess not,” he pondered with a chuckle.

The wood gecko pokemon blushed, aware that Jeff noticed him yawn.

“If you’re tired you can ride on my shoulder if you want, Treecko,” Jeff suggested.

Treecko gave an adamant denial, wiping away all signs that he was exhausted.

Jeff grinned and the two continued walking along the forest path. The sun set behind the horizon to their left, causing the sky to grow dark. An eerie dark blue cast itself on the trees and the ground.

Treecko ran ahead and leapt on top of a boulder, looking ahead. Jeff caught up with the lizard and stood beside the boulder.

“What’s up, buddy? Do you see something ahead?” Jeff asked with curiousity as well as some unease.

“Treecko!” he agreed.

“A pokemon?” the teen asked his companion with a nervous pitch to his voice. Jeff was clearly worried that it might be a Scyther. Without really knowing it, Jeff began scrolling his fingers along the large scar on his left arm.

Treecko seemed to sense his unease, but didn’t bother to comfort him. He merely shook his head.

“Then what?” Jeff questioned again. “Do you think the town is that way?”

The wood gecko nodded and leapt forward off the boulder.

“Hold up,” the human urged. Treecko looked back with a mild hint of irritation. The night wind rustled the leaves of the forest as the two stared onwards.

“…I’m pretty sure we have to go right!” Jeff looked in the direction in which he was pointing. Treecko shook his head and insisted that it was north.

“I’m telling you it is right,” Jeff claimed, becoming hardheaded and disagreeable.

“Cko,” Treecko disagreed.

“Right.”

“Cko!”

“Right!”

“CKO!”

“RIGHT!”

The two argued, getting a little closer and more hostile as they argued. They were practically spitting in each other’s faces by the time Jeff stopped it

“Okay, that’s enough! We’ll settle this with ‘Rock paper scissors’!” Jeff declared.

Treecko nodded and the two readied their hands.

“Rock…Paper…Scissors!” Jeff threw down his hand flat, indicating paper.

Treecko threw down his tail onto Jeff’s hand, slamming it into the dirt.

Jeff cringed and yet out a sharp exhale. He with drew is dirt-covered, aching hand from the ground. “Okay…we’ll go your way!” Jeff angrily told him through his gritting teeth. “I guess rock beats paper, too,” he sarcastically mumbled as they began walking.

“And for future reference, ‘Rock paper scissors’ is NOT ‘knucklebones’!” Jeff stated, still sore about losing.

Treecko looked back, grinned, and stuck out his tongue in a mocking fashion.

Jeff grinned and lightly pushed Treecko in a coercing manner. “That’s it! Let’s race!”

His starter pokemon accepted his challenge with a cocky grin.

“Ready? GO!” Jeff yelled, charging forward.

The two sprinted with everything they had along the dirt path. Treecko ran on all fours, which admittedly surprised Jeff as he had only seen him walk on his hind legs. Jeff was forced to jump over fallen branches and logs to avoid tripping. His little green friend was in the lead but he managed to catch up with him. Treecko noticed and bolted onward.

The two noticed that the path began to lead to a small town of about ten buildings.

I guess I owe a certain reptile an apology,” the teen thought to himself, grinning as he sprinted towards the center. Jeff noticed a few people staring at the odd sight, but he shrugged it off. The dirt path became cleaner as they entered Oldale Town. He was just behind Treecko, who dashed for the door.

The Pokemon center's automatic doors opened and he noticed Treecko leap over something for apparently no reason. Then Jeff heard memorable, disconcerting words.

“Tor-chic, tor-chic, tor-chic,” peeped the orange obstacle from earlier that day.

Oh crap! I can’t stop with this much speed,” Jeff thought to himself as he noticed the Torchic walk obliviously towards him. He tried to slow down but it was hopeless. The fire-type starter caused Jeff to go flying inside the center. He crashed into a girl, causing her to fall beside him.

Unbeknownst to Jeff, he nearly caused a purple rodent known as Rattata to faint, having missed crushing it by mere inches. The Torchic started chirping furiously at Jeff once again. A few people couldn’t help but laugh at the chaos while a few others merely ignored it. Treecko had a small grin on his face as he approached the groaning teen.

Jeff got to a knee and surveyed the damage. He noticed that the girl he knocked down was none other than Kristie.

A knot tied in his stomach as he helped her up frantically. “Sorry! Crap! Are you okay?” he asked, clumsily.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Kristie replied with a faint giggle.

“You sure?” Jeff again asked, placing the twig in his mouth after losing it in the fall.

“Wow, Jeff…you look awful!” Kristie said, noticing the cuts on his face.

“Well thanks, I try my best.” Jeff joked.

Kristie chuckled politely as she got up. Jeff blushed, mentally beat himself up, which created a self-loathing face. He turned his head away to Treecko, who just walked in.

Kristie chuckled politely as she got up. Jeff blushed and mentally beat himself up, which created a self-loathing face. He turned his head away to Treecko, who folded his arms and shifted his own twig in his mouth, smugly. As he turned away he slapped his hand to his head and started muttering to himself, “Real freaking smooth, Jeff.” He placed his head against the metal doorframe of the pokemon center in frustration with himself, waiting for the blush to die down.

Treecko walked up to Jeff, followed by a still angry Torchic. Treecko was confused by his friend’s odd, new behavior around this girl, but then he shrugged it off and jumped up onto Jeff’s shoulder.

Jeff turned around, smiling, “Oh yeah, Kristie, this is my new pal, Treecko.”

“Tree,” Treecko said, acknowledging this apparent acquaintance of Jeff’s out of the corner of his eye.

“Wow, he’s so cool!” Kristie said enthusiastically. “So I guess there was a third pokemon after all.”

“Yup!” Jeff said cheerfully.

“<Hey, well if it isn’t my old pal, Treeckie?>” the Torchic said imposingly.

“<What do you want, Ares?>” Treecko retorted sharply. “And it’s just ‘Treecko’, got it?>”

“<Whatever you say, best buddy,>” responded the Torchic known as Ares, sarcastically. “<Do you know any moves besides that pathetic pound attack yet?>”

Treecko put his hands behind his head dismissively. “<If my attack is so weak then what does that say about you when I beat you senseless with it back in the lab?>”

The Torchic growled. “<If you’re so much better than me, then why do I know a new attack and you don’t?!>” Ares chirped in anger,

“<I’m better than you because I have arms,>” the grass type said with a collected sense of confidence which immediately struck a nerve with the Torchic.

“<You won’t for long!!>” Ares trilled, running a Treecko.

“Torch!” Kristie stated, picking up Ares. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Torch?” both Treecko and Jeff muttered, slightly amused by the lack of creativity. The only difference was that Jeff added, “I like it!”

Treecko sighed and crawled onto the male human’s shoulder. Jeff patted the grass starter’s back as he stood to look at Kristie.

“Hey, Jeff, how about a pokemon battle so we can show off our pokemon to each other!” Kristie abruptly said.

Jeff paused for a second and then said, “Yeah, sure. Are you up for a battle, Treecko?”

Treecko nodded confidently and exasperatedly said, “Treecko tree cko cko tree!” as if saying, “<You should know by now you don’t have to ask me if I want to battle. I live for fights!>”

“Okay, let’s battle over to the left of the pokemon center,” Kristie instructed, walking out of the building.

“Got it,” he replied, walking over and placing his backpack by a tree in the said location.

The trainers and pokemon went to their respective sides of the small clearing. Jeff scanned Torchic with his pokedex. The dex proclaimed in a robotic voice, “Torchic, the Chick pokemon. If attacked, it strikes back by spitting balls of fire it forms in its stomach. A Torchic dislikes darkness because it can't see its surroundings.”

“It may have the type advantage, but we can beat it, no problem,” Jeff said, reassuring Treecko.

“Let’s get this started!” Kristie called out. “Torch! Charge him!”

“Toooooor” he said, his voice getting shriller as the chick rushed towards Treecko in a rage.

“Treecko, use Leer!” Treecko dug his feet into the earth and stared menacingly at the oncoming pokemon. As the Torchic came closer he made eye contact with the lizard and he couldn’t take his eyes off of Treecko’s. Ares, distracted from his running by the gaze of Treecko, tripped over himself, and fell face-first into the dirt.

“Tor!” said Ares in shock as he drew his beak out of the mud.

“Torch, quickly, get up!” Kristie called out to Ares.

“Treecko, jump up over that Torchic and use pound!” Jeff commanded.

Treecko began to run towards Ares and then he leaped into the air. When Ares looked up he could see Treecko’s silhouette jumping in front of the bright moonlight.

“TOR!” the Torchic moaned as the large, muscular tail of Treecko slammed it further into the mud.

“<Direct hit,>” Treecko called to Jeff, smugly, raising one fist up in a victory pose while using the other to place his tree twig in his mouth, before folding his arms.

Jeff stood, dumbfounded. “H-huh? … Did I… Did I just understand what I think I understood?” he asked himself, dazedly. He had comprehended what Treecko had said. It wasn’t just Treecko’s name repeated with inflections, it was like it was Jeff’s language. He remained staring blankly in a trance.

Treecko looked at Jeff for direction, “<Jeff, the battle’s not over yet! Come on! What’s our next move?!>” Treecko shouted from what should have been “Cko tree treecko, tree! Treecko! Cko cko?!”

While Jeff stared in amazement at Treecko, Ares rose behind the idle gecko.

“Torch, use scratch!” commanded Kristie.

Jeff’s eyes widened when Ares began to raise his talons and the teen snapped out of it. “Treecko, heads up! Dodge, right!” Jeff heeded.

It was too little too late; when Treecko jumped, Ares’s claws slashed into his right arm, leaving three bloody claw marks.

“Trrrrr,” Treecko grunted, clutching his searing cuts while landing on one knee.

“Hang in there, pal,” Jeff yelled. “Treecko, run up that tree to your left!”

Treecko jutted his head to his left, looking it up and down. He nodded and jumped onto the trunk. His hands’ adept grip allowed him to scale the tree with unsurpassed ease. Treecko climbed and disappeared into the darkness of the canopy.

The Torchic quickly looked up, turning his head every which way, frantically. Ares, having very poor night vision, and Treecko, having excellent hiding skills, made it so that Ares could not spot the well camouflaged Treecko in the dark night.

“Torch, use ember upwards like a flare!” said Kristie to her daunted pokemon.

“Chic, chic, chic, chic, chic!” The Torchic spat many balls of fire from his mouth upwards, illuminating the tree branches in a blinding orange light.

“Okay, Treecko…NOW!” The small, hidden figure jumped down from atop an orange-lit branch and landed behind Ares, who still spat flames. Treecko manoeuvered his body towards the right, powering up his tail before he swung it with a massive force. The muscular tail hit Ares smack across the face.

“TORR,” Ares screamed as he went flying a few meters off to the left, still spitting ember fireballs as it landed. Ares groaned, a gentle flame still burning inside of his mouth.

“Torch! Are you alright?!” Kristie yelled, concerned. She ran over to her exhausted pokemon and cradled it in her arms.

“Torrrr,” he said weakly.

“Wow, that was a great battle, Jeff,” Kristie smiled, standing up with Ares in her arms.

“You handled yourself much better than I did out there. I was just lucky,” Jeff reassured her, modestly. Treecko strutted triumphantly over to Jeff, with a proud grin plastered on his face.

“<Are you kidding? We wiped the floor with them.>” Treecko grunted, proudly crossing his arms.

Jeff shot a glare at Treecko, pretending not to hear that. “Okay, let’s go back to the pokemon center and get our pokemon healed up, then we should call it a night and rest at the center until sunrise.”

“Sounds good,” Kristie agreed.

The four entered walked by the white exterior of the red-roofed pokemon center. They went through the automatic doors and stepped onto the unnaturally clean, white tiled center. They walked to the counter ahead of them.

A cheerful looking women with pink hair appeared behind it. “How may I help you today?” she asked with cheer.

“Can you heal my Treecko, please?”

“But of course! We’ll take your Treecko and he should be fine in no time! I’m Nurse Joy by the way!” She said happily.

Treecko shook his head in disagreement saying, “<It’s just a flesh wound.>” Nurse Joy ignored him and picked up Treecko, who sighed as he was taken to the back room.

“Thank you, and nice to meet you, I’m Jeff,” Jeff said, before walking over to the video phone in the corner of the Pokemon center. He lightly pressed the numbers on the machine shaped like a TV and called up Professor Birch.

“Hello?” The professor asked with yawn. Jeff saw the brown haired professor stretching as he appeared to be waking up from a sleep.

“Sorry for waking you, Professor. I assumed that you would be up late examining some nocturnal species of pokemon again,” Jeff greeted him with awkwardness.

“Actually I was,” he explained. Just then, a brown, owl-like pokemon hopped on one leg onto Professor Birch’s shoulder. Its menacingly red eyes stared at Jeff. “Hoothoot here used its hypnosis on me as part of an analysis.”

The brown bird remained staring at Jeff, who was more than a little creeped out by the way it looked at him.

“I’m in Oldale right now.”

“That’s great to hear. If you hurry, you may catch up with Kristie,” Birch advised him.

“Actually she’s here with me right now,” Jeff said happily. “We just battled and I came out the winner.”

“Good work, Jeff. I knew from the start you and Treecko would make a great team.” Birch smiled as the Hoothoot jumped from his shoulder.

“If you say so, Professor,” Jeff teased. “I have to go now, I’ll talk to you once I catch my next pokemon,” Jeff said before turning off the phone.

Jeff turned away from the blank screen and walked over the white tiled floor to Nurse Joy. Beside her stood Kristie, who held Torchic. Treecko walked over the floor and crawled up and onto Jeff’s shoulder. Both pokemon were looking as good as before the battle.

“Thank you,” Jeff and Kristie replied.

Jeff turned to Kristie, summing up his courage, and stammered, “Hey…how would you like to travel together at least until the next city?”

“Petalburg?” Kristie asked as she held Torchic, “Sure, why not!?”

A wave of relief swept over him. “Great, let’s head out now, then!” Jeff said enthusiastically.

“Okay, I’m much too excited after that pokemon battle to rest anyways,” Kristie agreed.

“<Great, now I have to be with Ares again. I was happy when I was rid of him forever. At least that damn Mudkip isn’t here too,>” thought the grass type to himself. He looked over to Ares only to get a menacing gaze from the fire type.

“Let’s go,” Jeff said to Treecko who was relaxing on his shoulder.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jeff, Kristie, Treecko, and Ares walked through the glass automatic doors and turned west. They carefully treaded over the field, which still housed burning blades of grass from the battle. Jeff stomped out a light flame which doubled as a small lamp. The group walked into an open field, heading westward towards Petalburg City.

“So Jeff, I see you didn’t decide to keep your Treecko inside a pokeball, either,” Kristie exclaimed, practically skipping through the dark field.

“Yeah, we decided that it would be better if Treecko stayed out of a pokeball,” Jeff responded.

“I did the same thing with Torchic; I couldn’t bare the thought of not having him with me at all times. He’s so warm and cuddly,” Kristie smiled, cuddling Torchic lightly. She started to go on a rant about how great her Torchic was. Treecko rolled his eyes and Jeff feigned interest.

“Torchic is so cute, kind of like a Piplup…except more so.”

“A Piplup? What’s that?” Jeff questioned upon hearing the pokemon’s name.

“Oh, it’s a small, blue penguin pokemon. They’re mainly Sinnoh pokemon,” Kristie informed before ranting about Torchics.

Jeff let out an informed grunt, remembering back to when he was running to Professor Birch’s lab. He remembered seeing a blue, Torchic-like pokemon riding with the man who he was racing. “So THAT was a Piplup?” Jeff mumbled to himself; Kristie’s harangue was now white noise to him.

“Torchic is also really sweet and fun to hold. Moreover, Torch has really ticklish spot behind his ears and…” Kristie rambled, being sucked into her own little Torchic-filled world.

“<Wake me when it’s over,>” Treecko said, closing his eyes.

“You got it, Gex,” Jeff muttered to him, teasingly.

Treecko opened one eye, bothered by the poor nickname. “<Treecko’s fine, thanks.>” Then he closed it again.

After a few minutes of walking, Kristie finally finished with, “And that’s why my Torchic is great.” By then they were half way to Petalburg.

“Wow,” Jeff remarked. “That’s a lot of great things about Torchics,” he pointed out with unnoticeable sarcasm.

“<And don’t you forget it, bub,>” murmured Ares, sassily.

Jeff started to have a stare down with Ares. The Torchic turned its head, noticing something.

“What, Torch? Do you see something?” Kristie asked, alerted to her pokemon struggling in her arms.

“<A Marill,>” he chirped while it hopped to the ground. The gang looked over at a small, somewhat foggy pond. Ripples emerged towards the edge of the pond. From the center of the ripples emerged two large blue ears with red encasing the insides. The ears twitched as the rest of the body ascended from the water. The Marill’s body was like a blue beach ball with a white stomach. Marill had endearing eyes and a cute smile. It had a very peculiar tail; the tail was crooked in places and at the very end was a large blue ball.

“OH, I want it!” Kristie squealed, yearningly.

“Hey Treecko, you won’t want to miss this battle.” Jeff nudged him with his shoulder.

Treecko awoke from sleep and yawned. “<I might if I can have a few more minutes of rest…>” he replied, irritated from the awakening.

“Torch, use scratch on it!” ordered Kristie to her pokemon.

“<Fine,>” answered Ares. He rushed forward on the damp grass towards the aqua mouse pokemon.

Treecko and Jeff took a seat on the dirt path, watching the battle taking place near the pond to the right of the road. Jeff scanned the Marill with his pokedex.

The Marill rolled backwards from the scratch and landed upright. It retaliated with a powerful blast of water emitted from the Marill’s mouth. The jet hit Ares dead center, sending him flying backwards into the dirt, turning to mud while he slid over it. Ares groaned while getting up, drenched and muddy.

“<I HATE water,>” growled Ares, angrily shaking off the water.

“Torch, Ember,” Kristie commanded.

“Tor, tor, tor, tor, tor.” Ares shot small pellets of orange flame from its mouth. The Marill dodged the attack and the ember hit an unsuspecting pokemon, who was just emerging from the pond. The orange pokemon stumbled backwards. The hit pokemon rolled forwards on his hard, orange shell. Above the pokemon’s angered eyes were three sharp, orange horns. Using his six small legs and his two large, orange and beige pincers, he got back onto his feet. The pokemon slapped its fish like tail in the ground, while the blue moonlight reflected off of his wet orange exoskeleton.

Jeff scanned the pokemon with his pokedex. “Corphish, the Ruffian Pokemon: Once it grips prey with its large pincers, it will never let go, no matter what. It is a hardy Pokémon that can thrive in any environment,” finished the monotonous robotic gadget.

“That can’t be good,” Jeff mumbled to himself, worried for Kristie’s Torchic as the ruffian pokemon angrily approached it.

“Corphish! Cor!” it angrily said to Ares.

Ares responded with a comment that undoubtedly struck a nerve with the Corphish. He was about to hit Torchic with a crabhammer attack, when Treecko caught his pincer with his hand.

“<One battle at a time,>” Treecko advised it, preparing to fight.

“<Stay out of this, Twig boy,>” the Corphish growled, quickly retracting his claw from Treecko’s hands.

Treecko let out a huff and dug his feet into the mud while the Corphish assumed a fighting stance.

“Okay, Treecko! Use your p-” Jeff called, but was cut off when Treecko attacked without him.

The large tail of Treecko caught the Corphish off guard, causing the hit to send it sprawling.

Nearby, Ares dodged Marill’s water gun attacks and hit it with a tackle. Marill hit the ground hard and tried to use its tail to get itself up, but collapsed. Kristie threw a pokeball and a red beam engulfed the Marill. The pokeball containing Marill rumbled once, and then blipped, indicating that Marill had been caught.

“Yes!” shouted Kristie.

“<Too easy!>” boasted her Torchic.

Meanwhile, Treecko used pound after pound on Corphish’s tough shell. The attacks were not doing much damage against its thick shell. Corphish used a bubblebeam, shooting many translucent bubbles out of its pincer, which exploded on contact with Treecko.

“<Errrgh,>” Treecko grunted, holding his bruising chest.

Corphish came in with a crabhammer. Treecko jumped up and Corphish missed him and drove his claw into the ground. The impact caused an eruption of soil to fire upwards. Treecko used this to his advantage. He came bursting through the wall of airborne dirt and back flipped, using pound in an uppercut like motion. Corphish was knocked onto his back.

Jeff took the pokeball from his pocket and pressed the middle button, making it bigger. Jeff threw the pokeball with might and precision. The Corphish got itself upright, but the pokeball hit it square in the forehead. Corphish was sucked into the pokeball. The pokeball wiggled three…four…five…six times, before the button finally flashed a red color and stopped moving.

“All right! A Corphish! Nice fighting, Treecko,” Jeff remarked.

Treecko nodded. Kristie and Jeff approached each other and congratulated one another on their catches.

Jeff pointed his pokeball at the ground. “Come on out, Corphish!”

“Corphish, Cor…” He angrily frowned as he exited the pokeball.

“Welcome to the team, Corphish,” Jeff warmly told him, crouching down and extending an arm. The Corphish, who was still in a bit of pain, warily looked at the human’s hand.

“<…Nice to meet you,>” replied Corphish, shaking Jeff’s hand with his claw. “<My hobbies include being rejected by females, being alone on Saturday nights, and, like now, making jokes when I’m insecure,>” Corphish grinned, trying to lighten the mood and make the best of his situation.

“I know you’ve already met Treecko,” Jeff remarked. Corphish turned to Treecko and said, “<Hello again.>” Treecko sighed, not liking the idea of having a team member.

“Anything wrong, Treecko?” Jeff asked the less than amused grass type.

“<I can work perfectly fine on my own without help of a teammate. I work better alone, unhindered by others.>”

“Tell that to yourself when you’re surrounded by a group of fire type pokemon,” Jeff retorted, sticking up for Corphish.

Treecko crossed his arms and his face turned to an apathetic look but Jeff could tell by his eyes that he was still bothered.

Kristie decided to wait until they reached the Petalburg pokemon centre to bring out Marill, due to its wounds. The two trainers wandered along the dirt path. Corphish walked up by Jeff while Treecko was walking far up, alone.

“<What’s with Reptar up there?>” Corphish asked Jeff, motioning to Treecko.

“It’s nothing personal,” Jeff insisted. “He just doesn’t really like being with others, I guess. I don’t really understand him, myself.”

“<Oh…>” Corphish said, giving a stare at Treecko. “<Why aren’t I in my pokeball?>” he asked his new acquaintance.

“I dunno.” Jeff shrugged. “Treecko said he didn’t like being in pokeballs so I let him out with me. I wasn’t sure if you were like that too.”

“<I don’t see what he thinks is so bad about it. It’s just kinda like sleeping,>” exclaimed the water type.

“Why? Do you want to be in your pokeball?” the teen asked.

“<Nah. Not right now, at least. I’d rather stay out here and talk.>”

The human nodded and looked over at Kristie with a smile.

Corphish noticed his face and smirked, merrily.

“Hey, I think we’re almost there,” Jeff stated, as he could see the tips of the buildings over the tree line.

Jeff decided to catch up with Treecko and maybe talk to him about whether he was alright with Corphish. In the process, however, he accidentally stepped on Treecko’s tail. The wood gecko emitted a yelp of pain, before quickly swinging around and taking out Jeff’s legs with his tail. The human fell with a thud as Kristie and Ares watched on in confusion.

“Sorry, Treecko,” Jeff said with a smirk.

“<Yeah, I’m sure you are!>” answered the lizard, leaping onto Jeff’s chest.

“Really, pal!” Jeff insisted.

Treecko grinned and took a glob of mud from the ground.

“Uh… what are you doing with that?” Jeff questioned warily, still on the ground.

The wood gecko simply approached the human’s head and threw the glob of mud precisely at Jeff’s face.

The teen brought his hands to his face and wiped the mud from his face “Okay, you asked for it!” Jeff grinned. He tackled Treecko and the two began to playfully fight each other on the ground.

“I hope you’re prepared for the dreaded ‘Tickle attack’!” Jeff laughed, pinning Treecko in the mud. Treecko actually laughed, landing a hit on Jeff’s face, knocking him off of him. Corphish decided to take part in the merriment and tackled Jeff, knocking them farther in the mud. The three rolled over laughing, as they wrestled.

“…Guys,” Kristie thought to herself, shaking her head. Ares merely glared at Treecko.

Two young boys approached Jeff and Kristie. One had a yellow baseball cap and had brown hair. The other boy looked younger and wore an orange t-shirt and blue shorts.

“Do you two want to do a double battle?” the one with the cap asked. Jeff stopped wrestling and stood up, brushing himself off. Kristie looked at her Marill’s pokeball and then her Torchic, who took quite a beating in the earlier battle, with worry.

Jeff noticed this and stepped up. “I’ll take both of you two on,” said Jeff with confidence.

“Okay, but don’t get mad when you lose,” said the other boy.

“That shouldn’t be a problem. Go Treecko and Corphish,” Jeff ordered.

Treecko glared at Jeff, taken aback that Jeff thought he needed Corphish’s help to beat two little kids.

“<Let’s give’em hell,>” Corphish battle cried to Treecko, who ignored him in displeasure.

“Go Lotad!” said the boy with the cap.

“Go Taillow!” said the younger trainer.

A blue bodied pokemon, who had a green, dish-like lily pad on its head appeared next to a dark blue feathered bird. The bird also had a red and white pattern on its chest and neck.

“Taillow, use a quick attack on Corphish!” the boy with the cap commanded.

“Lotad, use astonish on Treecko,” the younger kid told his pokemon.

Taillow took to the air and came zooming towards Corphish, who clicked his pincers eagerly. Lotad jumped right in front of Treecko, attempting to surprise him. Treecko didn’t give an inch of ground; he didn’t even blink.

“<That was pretty pathetic,>” muttered Treecko.

Jeff yelled, “Corphish, on my signal, harden. And Treecko use leer and then pound on Lotad!”

Treecko stared down the small pokemon, causing it to back off, frightened. He then jumped upwards and slammed his tail down onto the Lotad’s rain dish. This caused a rough head injury, knocking it out.

“<That was too easy,>” Treecko thought, as the boy called back his Lotad.

Taillow came closer and closer to Corphish. As soon as the bird was a foot away from Corphish, Jeff yelled out, “NOW.” Corphish hardened his shell causing severe recoil damage on Taillow when it hit Corphish.

“Taillow, you okay? Use Peck!” yelled the boy as Taillow got up, shaking its head.

“Corphish, Crabhammer from the side!” Corphish swung his huge pincer, hitting the bird far into the forest.

“Taillow!” yelled the boy, running after his fallen pokemon.

“<This battle couldn’t be more won,>” exclaimed Corphish happily.

“Great job, Jeff,” congratulated Kristie. “That was great!”

Jeff blushed at her compliment. Corphish looked at him and grinned, seeing sparks fly between the two new trainers. Treecko still didn’t see what Corphish could see.

“<Don’t be modest, Jeff, we did great!>” Treecko smirked. That was Treecko’s way of comprehending Jeff’s behavior, which caused the teen to blush further.

Corphish smiled at Treecko’s naivety and tried to pull his leg. “<Hey pal, did you hear the story of that Cyndaquil named ‘Nye’ and his girlfriend, a Flareon named ‘Eve’?>”

Treecko looked at Corphish with an unamused stare. “<Yeah, I also heard that that Torchic just wrote ‘gullible’ on the back of your shell…I was in a clan, you know, I’ve seen all the pranks and dumb jokes.>”

“<Can’t blame a ‘phish for trying, can ya?>” Corphish grinned. When Treecko turned his head, Corphish quickly tried to check the back of his shell to see if anything was written on it. To his relief, there wasn’t.

“<So if you were in a clan how’d you end up here?>” asked Corphish, curiously.

He wanted to say, “<None of your business, you annoying lump of Gyarados food.>” but Treecko restrained himself, knowing it would be an Ares-like thing to say. Instead, Treecko dozed off for a moment and then replied insincerely, “<I’ll talk to you some other time…>”

“<Wow, you’ve managed to guess the last lines said by a girl Corphish on every single one of my dates!>” Corphish half joked, straying away from an awkward silence.

They both forced grins and walked to Jeff’s side.

“Shall we go into Petalburg City now?” asked Jeff, staring at the tall, flashy, unwelcoming city.

The group nodded and walked into the streets of neon signs and office buildings.
 
Last edited:

DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
“Damn it, Tyrogue,” Jeff grunted, “That’s ridiculous,
” Jeff tried to think of a way to put it lightly, but couldn’t. “…you.”
This sentence isn't proper grammar but for the life of me I can't find a way to fix it up and still retain its meaning...

housed a mantelpiece above it.
“What took you so long?” his mom asked before turning into the hallway from the kitchen. She was naturally a brown haired woman, though currently her hair was dyed blonde. She entered the room and looked at them.
“My goodness! What happened to you two?!” she asked, worried.
“It’s nothing, we were on the receiving end of a Fearow’s beak, y’know kind of a male bonding thing,” Jeff replied calmly.
Note removed comma between "replied" and "calmly."

when I was fifteen,
casting an orange glow on it.
I couldn’t bear the thought of
hey were half way to Petalburg.
playfully fight each other on the ground.
There are other mistakes, but most are repeats of ones I've already pointed out.

Well, I saw some definite improvements this time around. You have some improved description, with the exception of the last battle and the very end, where you seem to start skimping out on them.

Character development is also playing a greater role, as we now can see Jeff and Treecko as good friends who will still bicker from time to time because of their stubborn nature. Also, the jokester Corphish looks to be an interesting travel companion.

Still room for improvement in the description and battling front, but the important thing is you've taken significant steps in the right direction.

You're still following the game plot closely, but you have said you'll eventually add in your own plot twists, so hopefully those will be interesting diversions once they come up. And once the grammar beta comes on board, it'll smooth it out a bit more.
 

elyvorg

somewhat backwards.
Nice to see the whole journey finally get underway, and it's also good that you're describing Pokemon now, even if some descriptions seemed a little rushed.

That said, I actually found that the chapter in general seemed a tad rushed. Stuff just sort of happened really quickly, and almost nothing, be it something that happened or the way something looked, was described in that much depth at all. I also have no idea why Jeff suddenly began directly understanding Treecko's (and other Pokemon's?) speech.

The description of Corphish in particular bothered me. Granted, it was well-described, and there's no doubt that someone who doesn't know what a Corphish looks like would have a pretty decent idea after reading that, but I don't like the way the sudden list of facts halted the action, as it jumped out straight in the middle of the battle. It'd probably have worked better if you'd briefly described it initially, then added in other little things about it as it battled; for example you could have described the pincers as it went in for a Crabhammer. The one part of that description that I do really like was the last sentence:
The pokemon slapped its fish like tail in the ground, while the blue moonlight reflected off of his wet orange exoskeleton.
It gets across the fact that it's angry as well as describing the tail all in one go, and it also reminds me that it's night time and the moon is out (which I'd kinda forgotten, but that's probably my fault not yours.)

DarkPersian479 seems to have most of the grammar covered, but there was one thing she missed which I didn't like:
The pokeball wiggled 3…4…5…6 times,
The numbers should be written out, and I also personally think there should be a space after each ellipsis (…). Apart from that, try to make sure you get your punctuation/capitalisation around speech marks right; that in particular has been bothering me.

I also like the characters, they're the main thing that's keeping me really entertained as I read this. I particularly like Corphish, he seems like he'll be a constant source of amusement.
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
” Jeff tried to think of a way to put it lightly, but couldn’t. “…you.”
I had a lot of trouble trying to find a way to fix that but I eventually gave up and left it as is.

You have some improved description, with the exception of the last battle and the very end, where you seem to start skimping out on them.
Yeah, I admit I rushed that battle a little. But otherwise, I'm glad I'm slowly improving.

I guess my defense for Jeff understanding the pokemon speech is that he had developed a close bond with them and could decipher what they were saying through their tone of voice and general gestures. I guess kind of like dog owners can understand their dogs after being with them for awhile.

I will be editting the number things and the punctuations. The grammar beta should help the process, too.

Yes, I'm told I'm good with characters, I'm happy that's greatly helping the story.

Description I'm still working on. It takes practice and patience to write down what you see in your head, accurately. I think one of my main problems is that I'm overly quick and impatient by nature so I should slow down and carefully go through these chapters. I may rewrite parts of these last two chapters at some point.

Thanks for the reviews and advice. I'll continue to return the favour once I have some more time.
 

Glajummy

Why so S E R I O U S
I guess I'll review you the same way you did me:

Plot: Not much to say in this area, as you seem to be following the same plot as the R/S/E games. That's okay, though, since Jeff's still at the beginning of his journey. Guess I gotta wait 'til later for the real plot twist.

Description: I wasn't really "wowed" in this area. I have absolutely no idea what Kristie looks like (unless you described her in a previous chapter o_O). Also, you failed to tell use how Oldale Town looks. I haven't played any GBA Pokemon game in years and I really have no idea on how any of those towns look. This however, only goes for the surroundings. When it comes to describing battles, you get an A.

Charatcers: This is where you excel. You create personalities for characters in a way that I don't even have to read "Insert Text" yelled (insert name) to know who's talking. And I must say, I love that Corphish XD

Other: Although I believed it was mentioned at SPPF, when stating nubers below 100, they should be spelled out. Also, although it may only pertain to me, "Ok" should be spelled "Okay".
 

Maze

I review too!
I have to say, this fic has impressed me with the power of the characters' relationships. You've done so well conveying the bond between treecko and Jeff because their "owe you for this one" scenes are so intense. They've been through a lot already and their friendship is strong, it's admirable, they're made for each other. The gameboy plot...I wasn't even bothered by it because of your strong characters. The battle choreography is nice and well thought out, too. I'm diggin' this fic, Griff! i'll be back for chapter six.
 

blaziken33

-Elite Association-
I am on chapter 5, and I really like your story. It's so long, yet your character has just gotten his starter! I hope you'll read mine, 'Guardians of the Heart' and reply. I can't wait for the next chapter!
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
Chapter 6

I still didn't get a beta for this chapter. I'm going to contact him early this week so that will give him some time to beta it.

None of the following events is based on personal, real life experiences, in case any of you were going to ask (This would make more sense after you read the chapter)

I described all of the newly introduced pokemon and I think I got rid of all the numerals (Excluding the '102' in 'Route 102')

And, as always, read, review, and most importantly...enjoy.


And This is What You Get…

The two travelers and their pokemon walked into the brightly lit city, the night highlighting the neon. They turned to their right. It was about two AM when they walked into the pokemon centre of Petalburg city, which had a blinding, white light emitted from its internal heart. Petalburg City was a huge place in comparison to Littleroot or Oldale Town. It was complimented with a few skyscrapers, many high rises, and company buildings. The three pokemon looked around. Corphish and Ares were in awe at the massive city. Treecko, however, didn’t care too much, though he was a little curious.

The first thing Jeff did when he entered was ask Nurse Joy to heal his pokemon. He handed Corphish to Nurse Joy for healing. Treecko denied the offer to be healed; he insisted that he was fine, patting his bruised, red belly.

“But Treecko!” Jeff complained.

A firm stare was retutned to the teen. Jeff rolled his eyes. “Have it your way, then.”

“I really think that I should have a look at-…” She, too, was answered with the same stare. “Err… okay then.”

Jeff noticed a picture on the wall with over twenty different deep pink-haired girls who looked exactly the same, standing in front of a medical university. They were all Nurse Joys, which surprised Jeff a lot.

He motioned to the picture with his index finger. “So are all of those nurses your sisters?”

“Yes, as well as cousins and second cousins,” Nurse Joy replied. Jeff nodded, intrigued at the odd similarities. He would ask more about it, bue the teen considered that to be out of line.

“Nurse Joy…can I talk to you in private for a second?”

“Of course! right this way,” she replied with a motherly smile. They walked with Corphish, into the back room of the center. Corphish was placed in a large glass recovery tank to help heal his wounds. The tank stood in the middle of the tiled room and it was situated above the floor on a plaster pedestal. Jutting out of the sides of the tank were large plastic hoses that led down into the tiled floor. Nurse Joy opened the door on the front side of the tank and put Corphish in it. A yellow liquid began to fill the tank through the pumps.

“What is that?” Jeff looked with some worry as Corphish was submerged in the liquid.

“That’s a state of the art Osmotic Facilitation Submerger; it's a machine for specifically healing water-type pokemon. Your Corphish is one of our first official patients to undergo the treatment and he should come out fully healed and completely revitalized.”

“Uhh… He- he is?” the teen nervously asked.

“Don’t worry. It’s been proven completely safe,” Nurse Joy reassured.

Jeff let out a short sigh of relief. Trusting the nurse, he nodded.

“I have kind of a weird question to ask you… ” Jeff shifted slightly in his spot. “How come I can suddenly understand what my Treecko and Corphish… and even my… friend’s Torchic are saying? Am I going crazy or do I have some sort of special gift? And how come, with my family’s pokemon, I could never understand them?”

“Oh, no need to worry; it’s fairly common with trainers, although it is rather rare with beginner trainers, which you are, correct?”

“Yeah, I am. But why can I?” Jeff asked with high curiosity.

“If you have a genuine bond with your very first pokemon, and you really, truly care for them, a little switch will flip on in the ‘Broca’s Area’ of your brain that will allow you to understand pokespeech. It’s quite bizarre, really. Neurologists have studied this factor and have discovered only a little about the reason for this. Usually it takes awhile for this skill, or bond rather, to develop, especially in beginner trainers who just start and have a shaky relationship with their pokemon, but in your case it seems it has happened pretty quickly! You should consider yourself lucky.”

Lucky.

The concept of luck was foreign to Jeff, especially since he almost always seemed to have less luck than he would like.

“Well, I guess Treecko and I have been through a lot together,” he smiled, his confidence building.

“It really shows, too. I can tell by looking at the two of you that it’s like you’ve been friends since childhood... Erm, where is your Treecko, exactly?” the Nurse Joy asked.

Jeff leaned back and peered out the door leading from the main lobby to the back room. He saw Treecko resting lazily on the front counter with his hands behind his head. Jeff quickly turned his head around when a sharp ‘BING’ was emitted from the revitalization tank that Corphish was in. The fluid from the tank was now gone. The door of the glass tank opened and Corphish launched himself out of it with great force. Corphish tackled into Jeff, causing him to fly backwards to the ground. Jeff hit his head on the base of the wall.

“DAHH,” cried out Jeff from the shock of the blow. Corphish danced, or at least tried to dance, around on the teen’s stomach.

“Well, you sure are a lively pokemon,” Jeff told him, as he rubbed the back of his aching head. Corphish swung his claws up to the right twice, up to the left twice, and then forwards in a series of bizarre double uppercut-like movements, and then repeated the movement. Jeff was initially very confused and admittedly a little intimidated.

“What exactly are you doing?” he asked the hard-shelled pokemon.

“<Dancing!>” Corphish replied, pointing up at wall speakers where the radio played dull easy listening music.

“… I see… I didn’t know that this was energetic dancing music,” Jeff joked.

“<It is if you pretend that there’s an awesome guitar solo alongside it!>”

The human chuckled to himself as he looked at the pokemon. “If only your dancing skills were as good as your imagination.”

Corphish began to impersonate a soap opera star; he walked forward on Jeff’s chest, slapped a wet claw across Jeff’s face, and stomped out of the room and into the lobby.

“So I guess that medicine causes pokemon to turn into the equivalent of drunk?” Jeff, who rubbed his red and wet cheek, said to the stunned Nurse Joy. “Actually, maybe that was just Corphish…” he added rather sheepishly.

He followed Corphish out the door, walked over to the video phone, carefully pushed each number key with the same degree of force, and phoned Professor Birch, like he said he would.

“Hey, Jeff?” Kristie called over to him from the door of the pokemon center. Jeff nodded in acknowledgement. “I’m going to go for a walk with Torch.” She called to him.

Okay, Kristie." He paused. "Be careful," he added, but he was too late to the draw, because by the time he got the words out she had already left the center with Ares.

“Damnit,” Jeff muttered, turning his head back towards the video phone. He noticed that the previously dark screen had lit up to reveal the interior of an office. Professor Birch had finally picked up the phone; he had obviously been fast asleep.

“Do you realize it’s a little past midnight?” the professor stated in a tired daze.

“Sorry, Professor. I assumed you were up late studying nocturnal pokemon again. It’s me, Jeff. I’m in Petalburg City now,” he greeted.

“Is that so? You’ve caught your first pokemon, then?”

“Yeah, a Corphish! He’s pretty awesome,” Jeff responded. Upon hearing his name, Corphish came running over to the video phone. Freshly healed, he heartily introduced himself.

“Wow. That’s great, Jeff. I actually got off the phone awhile ago with Alan… you know, one of your friends? He said he was in Petalburg too,” Birch said enthusiastically.

Alan was an old rival of Jeff’s. The two would always compete against each other in sports, games, and now pokemon. The tension between them was high…for Jeff, at least. He didn’t really care for Alan’s alpha male tendencies. After a game of pictionary went awry, specifically the two coming to blows while the rest of their friends sat back and laughed, the two hadn’t seen each other in some time.

“Really…” Jeff said to himself. “I’ll have to find him to challenge him to a battle.”

“Well, I’m right here,” A strong, deep voice said from behind him. Jeff turned around and it was Alan, grinning. Alan brushed a hand through his short blond hair. He was six foot two, standing a little higher than Jeff on the levelled tile floor. He was of middle weight and good muscular build. He smiled a large, competitive smile, and had a light sun tan.

“I’ve got to go professor. Bye,” Jeff quickly said as he hung up. He turned around and walked up to Alan, followed by Treecko and Corphish.

“Alan…” Jeff nodded, somewhat coldly.

“Jeff…” Alan nodded in return.

Jeff faked a grin and grunted out his nose.

“So how about it? Want to battle?” Jeff asked.

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind beating you again!”

“Then let’s take this out back behind the center,” Jeff told him with a determined tone as he went through the pokemon center door. When Jeff walked behind Alan, he clenched his fists and hit them together in an angry, taunting way.

“This is the chance I need. My luck is up and my pokemon are in great shape. I can get two birds with one stone; I can beat Alan, and as soon as I do so, I’ll have enough confidence to tell Kristie how I feel about her! Maybe if she sees how good of a battler I am, she’ll ask me out before I get a chance to,” Jeff pondered to himself with optimism, smiling as he walked.

They circled around the side of the building which was off from the city, slightly. Behind the pokemon center was a long patch of grass.

“Okay,” Alan began. “Let’s get a two on two battle started!”

“Typical… Alan trying to call the shots,” Jeff whispered to himself. “Why not three on three?” he asked in defiance, just to spite Alan.

“Do you even have three pokemon?”

Jeff shot a glare into his deep, blue eyes. “Do you?”

“Maybe.” he grinned, enlarging a red and white pokeball in his hand. “Choose your two pokemon!”

“Rip ‘em apart, Corphish!” Jeff ordered with fervor.

“<Could I BE anymore ready for battle?>” Corphish yelled, merrily. Jeff sighed as he awaited Alan’s choice.

“Go! Dustox!” Alan called. A purple bodied moth pokemon appeared on the field.

“DUSS,” it hissed. It flapped its green wings which had red circular patterns on each wing to stay airborne. It had yellow antennae and spotted, malicious-looking yellow eyes.

“Use confusion,” Alan ordered. Dustox’s eyes began to glow a purple color; it flapped its wings and a wall-like, rippling, purple wave engulfed Corphish. He looked down and saw his body glow a purple aura as well. Corphish, against his will, was lifted off of the ground by Dustox’s psychic powers.

“<H-hey, Dus…t-t-tox…look a…f-flame! Bet…ter go fly innn…to it!>” Corphish struggled to mock, as his body was being overwhelmed with an invisible force.

“Corphish, regain control and use bubblebeam!” Corphish struggled and tried to point its pincer towards Dustox. After much strength, the water managed to point his pincer towards Dustox’s general direction; the scattershot could take care of the rest.

“<Take THIS!>” Corphish cried as he fired a burst of bubble beam. The bubbles exploded on the flying bug, causing Dustox to fall backwards and lose its concentration. This allowed Corphish to fall to the ground, unrestrained by the psychic attack.

“Now fire bubblebeam while running towards it, Corphish,” instructed Jeff.

Corphish began to scuttle quickly; he opened his claws again and released translucent, blue orbs from them, causing Dustox to be distracted with dodging the bubbles. The Dustox swerved back and forth, not paying attention to the closing in Ruffian pokemon. When Corphish was in the range of using a close quarters attack, Jeff yelled, “Okay! Crabhammer!”

Corphish jumped up and swung his pincer, knocking the moth pokemon out of the sky, making it fall heavily to the ground. Its fragile body remained still and unable to continue.

“Return Dustox,” Alan huffed grumpily. “Good try.”

By now a decent sized amount of spectators had gathered to the sidelines to watch.

Alan enlarged another pokeball. “Now go, Mudkip!”

A quadruped blue pokemon appeared on the grass. The Mudkip had a large, white tailfin. Its large round head had another big, blue fin on its forehead as well as large, orange whiskers on its cheeks. Its cute stature didn’t mean that it was a pushover.

“Okay, Corphish,” Jeff waited and thought for a moment, “don’t give it time to breathe; use a vicegrip on Mudkip’s tail!”

“<You got it,>” answered Corphish. He scuttled towards the Mudkip and rammed it from the side. While it was briefly stunned, the shellfish pokemon landed a direct clamp on the Mudkip’s tail.

“Kip!” Mudkip yelled in pain, as its tail and hind legs was held off of the ground by Corphish.

“Mudkip! Use mud slap!” Mudkip used its forelegs, which were still in the ground, to dig up mud, which got in Corphish’s eyes. Although blinded, Corphish still kept up the grip.

Corphish wandered around aimlessly, holding Mudkip with one claw and trying to wipe the mud from his eyes with the other.

“No!” Jeff exclaimed in frustration. “Return, Corphish… Good job.” Corphish dropped Mudkip to the ground and stumbled over to Jeff’s voice.

“Okay, Treecko, You know what to do! Don’t let up!”

“<Gotcha,>” the eager Treecko said, placing the twig in his mouth.

“Mudkip, mud slap again!” Mudkip began to spit brown globs of digested mud from its mouth.

“Treecko, use pound!” Treecko spun around, easily batting the balls of mud out of the air with his tail. The mud splattered into countless small fragments which exploded every which way. He repeated the process with each mud glob.

“Now! Quick Attack, left!” Treecko ran up along Mudkip’s right side and lunged towards him causing a great hit, which knocked Mudkip back against a tree.

Just then, Kristie came back from her walk and entered the surrounding crowd. “What’s going on here?” she asked the man next to her.

"A pokemon battle! It's really intense. They're both down to their final pokemon!" he replied, earnestly watching the fight.

"Is that... Jeff?!" she asked, shocked. "Who's he battling?" She tried to identify the character who commanded the Mudkip while shaded over the by night shade.

Mudkip used tackle, hitting Treecko in the chest, hard. Treecko was hit to the ground. He clutched his chest but quickly shook it off, trying not to show weakness.

“Get your bearings, pal!” Jeff encouraged his pained friend. Treecko got up on one knee, panting.

Mudkip began to spit globs of mud from its mouth at Treecko. Treecko jumped and ducked from the projectiles gracefully, but he was caught off guard; a ball of mud hit him square in his mouth. Treecko fell backwards to the ground and grunted out his nose, unable to speak due to the mud filling his mouth. Treecko began to gag and spatter mud from his mouth; he was choking.

“Treecko, no! Are you okay?” Jeff called out, troubled.

Treecko nodded and got to one knee, still spitting out more mud. Treecko struggled to breathe and his face was turning red. Suddenly, the corners of his mouth started to glow from behind the glob of mud.

“What is that?” Jeff consulted his pokedex.

“Bullet Seed, a special move that can be learned by Treecko,” it buzzed, spewing information.

Treecko moved the twig he kept in his mouth and moved it to the side, making room. “Cko, cko, cko, cko, cko, cko!” he spat while he shot out glowing white seeds and the remaining mud from his mouth. The attack hit Mudkip, seriously hurting it, but Treecko was also blown back two feet by the recoil of the surprising, new attack.

“Mudkip, let’s finish this! Tackle!” Alan commanded.

“Treecko, quick! Get up!” Treecko rolled over and climbed up on his knee as the mudfish pokemon quickly approached from behind him.

“Treecko, look out!” Jeff called out. As the Mudkip jumped to hit Treecko in the back, he nimbly sidestepped to the right and stuck out his left arm. He clothes lined Mudkip right in the face, causing it to fall on it back. It spat out a blood stained tooth in defeat.

“Good effort, Mudkip,” Alan said as he recalled the water starter pokemon.

“Awesome job, Treecko!” he complimented when Treecko walked to his side.

“<Ugh, it tastes like Mudkips,>” Treecko complained, spitting out mud from his mouth.

“Well, I guess you won that battle, Jeff.” Alan said, walking up to Jeff.

“I guess I di… ” Jeff was distracted as Kristie came running towards him as if ready to hug him. Jeff was confused by the action but he wasn’t complaining; he outstretched his arms, overjoyed to return the gesture. But instead of coming up to him, Kristie ran right by him and started to run to Alan. They embraced.

“Alan! I knew I’d meet up with you eventually. I’ve missed you!” Kristie said affectionately.

“I’ve missed you too, Kristie! Let’s travel together from now on! It was a mistake leaving two days before you did!”

Jeff could feel a searing pain in the pit of his chest and head. His jaw was left hanging wide open and felt as if everybody except for him, Kristie, and Alan completely disappeared.

Corphish noticed this, quickly walked up to Jeff and tugged on his leg, trying to comfort him.

“<Jeff, you did a good job with that battle!>” Treecko congratulated.

Jeff remained staring at the now kissing pair.

Treecko looked at Jeff’s dumbstruck face. “<What’s wrong, Jeff? … Jeff?>”

Corphish gave Treecko a look that said, “<Leave the guy alone.>”

Treecko stared at the couple blankly, still not understanding what was going on.

Corphish turned to Treecko, gestured at Jeff and then to the kissing couple, and said “<Okay, class! This is what happens when one human in in love with another human, but doesn’t know that the human they’re in love with is going out with someone else; I saw it happen on an episode of Friends!>”

Treecko ignored him and looked up at the human. Jeff slowly walked towards the couple who were now one, his fist clenched. Jeff cringed while he walked as the two still were kissing. He raised his right arm and fist and drew it back.

“<Let him have it, Jeff!>” Corphish called to him. Jeff didn’t hear or chose not to.

He was going to wait until Kristie retracted from the embrace to punch Alan. The kiss seemed like an infinity to him. Finally, Kristie pulled back from Alan for a moment to gaze into his blue eyes. This opened a clear pathway for his fist. He tried to move his arm but it was frozen in place. He looked at his reared back, right arm; it was trembling. Jeff tried with all of his might to punch Alan but he found himself unable to carry on with the attack.

“<Wow, a real life human battle! Maybe we can yell commands to him like he does to us!>” Corphish said with some happy anticipation to Treecko.

“<Corphish, what’s wrong with Jeff? Why hasn’t he punched Alan by now?>” Treecko asked his new teammate, who was still wiping mud off of his face.

“<Beats me. Do you think he doesn’t want to hurt Alan? Or that he feels bad about doing it? Maybe he’s waiting for us to tell him one of his attacks,>” he replied.

“<Doubt it. He seems pretty angry.>”

Jeff tried to force his fist upon Alan, again, but his arm stayed immobile. Alan and Kristie turned to look at him.

“Jeff…what are you doing?” asked Alan in confusion. Jeff was overwhelmed with rage as Alan spoke, but he still couldn’t punch him. He turned away and stormed through the crowd, pushing people as he went. He tramped into the middle of the road, nearly being hit by a taxi, and towards the archway, which led back into route 102.

Treecko turned to Corphish “<You stay here with them.>” gesturing to Kristie, Alan, and Torchic.

“<Shouldn’t someone who actually knows what’s going on talk to Jeff, instead?>” insisted Corphish.

“<Look, I can talk some sense into him. The last thing that he needs is a sarcastic one liner or a reference to a TV show,>” Treecko retorted.

“<Fine,>” he muttered while Treecko ran into the forest. “<Settle down, Paoulo and Rachel…>” Corphish grumbled to the couple.

Ares blinked and stared at Corphish, confused.

“<What? Does nobody watch TV?>” Corphish said in frustration.

Treecko took off after Jeff. The teen ran into the forest, leaned up against a secluded tree. Treecko, being as fast as he was, managed to catch up with him. Treecko climbed up on Jeff’s shoulder and patted him on the back, comfortingly. Jeff got up, sweating from the running and veins pulsing in his head from anger. He turned around and punched the tree behind him. He groaned from pain as he stared at his bleeding knuckle.

“<Are you okay?>” asked Treecko.

“I’ve been better,” Jeff retorted, angrily clenching his fists.

“<I’m sure this must be hell, but there will be other girls. Hell, I haven’t found someone who I loved as much as you liked her. You should consider yourself lucky.>”

“That’s because you’re the only one of your species in this general area! You don’t have to compete for women!” Jeff snapped back. A brief quiet ensued.

“<Well…actua…>” Treecko began, breaking the silence.

“No, look…I’m sorry,” Jeff apologized, interrupting him. He dug his forehead in his hands, trying to keep himself together. They sat in silence for several minutes.

Jeff, calming down, told Treecko, “Come on; let’s go back to the pokemon centre for some sleep. I have a lot of thinking to do.” Treecko looked into Jeff’s green, glazed over and reddened eyes, and nodded silently. Jeff stood up and began to slowly pace back towards the city that reunited two lovers: his most hated friend and his favorite acquaintance. He would never forgive the vile city for arranging that fateful meeting.

They walked under a large archway that said “Welcome to Petalburg, the city where dreams come true!” They entered the neon-lit street, turned right and went into the pokemon center. Jeff and Treecko found Corphish resting on a couch inside the pokemon centre. The two collapsed on the couch with the shellfish. All three of them were very tired. The two pokemon slept soundly. Before Jeff succumbed to sleep he made a huge decision.

--------------------------------------------------

The next day, Jeff woke up and walked over to Kristie, who sat on a couch next to Alan in the pokemon center. She stood up and met with him. He was unable to look her in the eyes when talking to her. He explained to her, “Kristie, I’ve decided to continue the rest of my journey alone.”

Kristie replied, confused, “Jeff, are you sure? You could always come along with me and Ala...”

Jeff cut her off with a quick, but stubborn, “I’m positive!” He couldn’t bear to hear her utter that name. “I’m sorry, I have to go…goodbye,” he quickly spat out as he and his pokemon turned to exit the pokemon center.

“Later, Jeff,” Alan called to him. Jeff shot him a piercing, dagger-like glare, but he knew that if he looked at him too long he might lose it. He had to bite his lip to keep himself from going off on a yelling and cursing spree on Alan. He struggled even to stop himself from saying something vile and offensive to him. He shakily reached for the door.

Kristie said words that made him stop dead in his tracks when he opened the glass door.

“I’m going to miss you, Jeff.”

Jeff shut his eyes, nodded, and quickly left the house of healing, repentantly leaving his deepest crush behind him.

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elyvorg

somewhat backwards.
Another pretty good chapter there. Though the grammar is still a little shaky, I hope the next chapter comes BETA'd as it will stop me getting distracted by pausing to think "he got the grammar wrong there". The one thing that I feel like pointing out right now is that Petalburg is spelt... well, like I just spelt it, rather than with an e.

The flow could be improved in places - I can't really be bothered to pick out every instance, but as a general rule you should try and avoid using the same word more than once in the same sentence, perhaps even paragraph. Heck, I think I might already have told you that, though it could have been someone else I told.

Moving on from that, here's my high point of the chapter.
“<Wow, a real life human battle! Maybe we can yell commands to him like he does to us!>” Corphish said with some happy anticipation to Treecko.
I LOVE CORPHISH. He's so damn funny, and I got worried for a moment at the thought of him drunk - that would be seriously crazy. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the characters are great.

This chapter seemed nowhere near as rushed as the last one either - instead of trying to squeeze a whole lot into one chapter you had only one major occurence which spanned through the whole thing, which is better in my opinion.

The descriptions were there. I liked the battle description, that was pretty well done. The Pokemon description was just about the right length - enough to let us know what they looked like without boring us.

...I can't actually think of much else to say so I'll end on a generic comment. Good chapter, keep it up.
 

blaziken33

-Elite Association-
Wow! Never saw that coming! I thought for sure Kristie was running to hug Jeff! Corphish gets on my nerves, I like Treecko alot better. But, at least you have nearly opposite character desciptions, that sets the chapter off well. Hope the next chapter comes out soon! Can't wait!
 

DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
the Pokemon Centre of Petalburg City, which had a blinding, white light emitting from its internal heart.
Wait, do buildings have internal hearts? Maybe it's in the boiler room or something...

So are all of those your sisters?”
Neurologists have studied this factor
where is your Treecko, exactly?” the Nurse Joy asked
the Big Melon’,” she called to him, referring to the illustrious city of Petalburg,
He was of medium weight and with a good muscular build. He wore a large, competitive smile on his face, and had a light sun tan.
The second sentence above contained one of those "repeated words in a single sentence" that elyvorg mentioned.

Could I be any more ready for battle?
What the hell does it look like?
And once again, I'm noticing improvement with your chapters. Your descriptions have gotten pretty solid, and the battle went pretty well. Characterization remains a strong point, and the vastly different personalities of Treecko and Corphish are sure to make for a very interesting journey.


Ah, unrequited love... something that I know nothing about *falls on ground anime-style* This Kristie development could cause serious problems, though... If Jeff's head isn't in the game, it could spell disaster in a major battle. Any sports team coach can tell you that. It would be interesting to bring out his love issues in a battle though, it would show us how well (or poorly) he handles himself and his emotions in the heat of battle.

Again, this is a pretty good chapter, and the situation with Kristie is throwing an interesting wrench into the mix.
 
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HommeDor

L'Hiver Est Arrivé
wonderful story, i just spotted one gramatic error, sorry i cannot spot more, english is not my first language. i just want to say your stry is WOW. it is really good. i only read till the last chapter you posted on page one.... i shall read these on page two later :D

“You two really are…made for each other” Professor Birch smiled. “Not one trainer, other than you, Jeff, would have settled for, let alone be happy with that Treecko. Also the way you two cared for each other back with Fearow…astounding, you two already have a great bond like a chain!"
by the way, i advise you to spend a bit more time on descriptions because they seem a BIT TOO shallow for me to comprehend;468;
 
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BladedScizor

Well-Known Member
When you had Jeff suddenly start understanding Pokemon language in Chapter 5, I knew you would have a reason for it handy. From the way you had the phenomenon described, it looks like it could make for a good way to distinguish the really good trainers. It could also be interesting to see other people's reactions to seeing Jeff holding conversations with his Pokemon.

Like everyone else, I see Corphish as a character who can definitely add some interesting things to this story. I was a little bugged at first by how he immediately went from an angry rampage to joking around with Jeff and Treecko after being captured; although, if I were hit by a bunch of burning embers for no reason, I'd be pretty ticked myself, even though I'm usually a pretty friendly guy, so I can see your reasoning for it. I liked how he was teasing Dustox during his battle, and I look forward to seeing more of that from him.

Your battle scenes have definitely improved between Chapters five and six, in my opinion. The varying uses that Jeff utilized for Bubblebeam was great, as was Treecko countering Mudkip's moves on his own instead of just standing still waiting for Jeff's orders. I especially liked that clotheslining at the end.

As DarkPersian said, the development with Kristie is certainly interesting, and with so many directions it can go, I look forward to see what happens next.

All in all, great couple of chapters, and I'll be back for the next one.
 

HommeDor

L'Hiver Est Arrivé
i just read the remaining chapters. they were spectacular, although a bit rushed... i felt somethings moved to fast, like when he was leaving home, it just went WAY to fast...

\i love the whole soap theme. the "I love her" but she "loves him" and they are rivals, must be tough being him.... though she is a bit naïve...... i like the characters.
the girl though seems a bit too flat in character, she seems like little miss perfct which is rather shallow.... if she could be more rounded?
 

Maze

I review too!
Wow. I'm surprised. When Kristie showed up, I was thinking that one of two things would happen: jeff would lose and be embarrassed in front of kristie or that jeff would win and increase kristie's affection for him. When neither of those happened and she and Alan ended up being long-lost lovebirds, I was shocked. And jeff's resulting depression/anger was conveyed well.

Corphish is awesome. I forgot to comment on the pokemon-human speech before, but I really like how it makes the pokemon more colorful characters.

Thanks for a good read, Griff!
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
Another pretty good chapter there. Though the grammar is still a little shaky, I hope the next chapter comes BETA'd as it will stop me getting distracted by pausing to think "he got the grammar wrong there". The one thing that I feel like pointing out right now is that Petalburg is spelt... well, like I just spelt it, rather than with an e.

The flow could be improved in places - I can't really be bothered to pick out every instance, but as a general rule you should try and avoid using the same word more than once in the same sentence, perhaps even paragraph. Heck, I think I might already have told you that, though it could have been someone else I told.

Moving on from that, here's my high point of the chapter.

I LOVE CORPHISH. He's so damn funny, and I got worried for a moment at the thought of him drunk - that would be seriously crazy. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the characters are great.

This chapter seemed nowhere near as rushed as the last one either - instead of trying to squeeze a whole lot into one chapter you had only one major occurence which spanned through the whole thing, which is better in my opinion.

The descriptions were there. I liked the battle description, that was pretty well done. The Pokemon description was just about the right length - enough to let us know what they looked like without boring us.

...I can't actually think of much else to say so I'll end on a generic comment. Good chapter, keep it up.
Duly noted on the grammar and double word advice. I'm glad that it appears I have changed from the last chapter. I'm also happy that Corphish is becoming a fan favorite.

Wow! Never saw that coming! I thought for sure Kristie was running to hug Jeff! Corphish gets on my nerves, I like Treecko alot better. But, at least you have nearly opposite character desciptions, that sets the chapter off well. Hope the next chapter comes out soon! Can't wait!
I didn't think that it was possible to surpise people in the form of writing...maybe thats just because I always read a little bit ahead and then read what was before it. -_- Luckily, The two opposing personalities will play a roll in the next chapter. And Between you and me...and whoever else is reading this, Treecko is still my favorite so far, although Corphish is fun to write.

And once again, I'm noticing improvement with your chapters. Your descriptions have gotten pretty solid, and the battle went pretty well. Characterization remains a strong point, and the vastly different personalities of Treecko and Corphish are sure to make for a very interesting journey.


Ah, unrequited love... something that I know nothing about *falls on ground anime-style* This Kristie development could cause serious problems, though... If Jeff's head isn't in the game, it could spell disaster in a major battle. Any sports team coach can tell you that. It would be interesting to bring out his love issues in a battle though, it would show us how well (or poorly) he handles himself and his emotions in the heat of battle.

Again, this is a pretty good chapter, and the situation with Kristie is throwing an interesting wrench into the mix.
Its always relieving to hear that I'm improving. And yes, I have a few things up my sleeve regarding Treecko and Corphish as well as the Kristie factor. *Does Evil Plan laugh again*

wonderful story, i just spotted one gramatic error, sorry i cannot spot more, english is not my first language. i just want to say your stry is WOW. it is really good. i only read till the last chapter you posted on page one.... i shall read these on page two later :D


by the way, i advise you to spend a bit more time on descriptions because they seem a BIT TOO shallow for me to comprehend;468;
Cool, I'm happy you like it! And I will continue to work on the descriptions. Thanks for posting!

When you had Jeff suddenly start understanding Pokemon language in Chapter 5, I knew you would have a reason for it handy. From the way you had the phenomenon described, it looks like it could make for a good way to distinguish the really good trainers. It could also be interesting to see other people's reactions to seeing Jeff holding conversations with his Pokemon.

Like everyone else, I see Corphish as a character who can definitely add some interesting things to this story. I was a little bugged at first by how he immediately went from an angry rampage to joking around with Jeff and Treecko after being captured; although, if I were hit by a bunch of burning embers for no reason, I'd be pretty ticked myself, even though I'm usually a pretty friendly guy, so I can see your reasoning for it. I liked how he was teasing Dustox during his battle, and I look forward to seeing more of that from him.

Your battle scenes have definitely improved between Chapters five and six, in my opinion. The varying uses that Jeff utilized for Bubblebeam was great, as was Treecko countering Mudkip's moves on his own instead of just standing still waiting for Jeff's orders. I especially liked that clotheslining at the end.

As DarkPersian said, the development with Kristie is certainly interesting, and with so many directions it can go, I look forward to see what happens next.

All in all, great couple of chapters, and I'll be back for the next one.
I'm running out of ways to say thank you, originally. So just, thanks for liking/understanding these things and you actually gave me a new idea somewhere in there. Cheers. (Hey, I DID think of a new way to say thank you!)

i just read the remaining chapters. they were spectacular, although a bit rushed... i felt somethings moved to fast, like when he was leaving home, it just went WAY to fast...

\i love the whole soap theme. the "I love her" but she "loves him" and they are rivals, must be tough being him.... though she is a bit naïve...... i like the characters.
the girl though seems a bit too flat in character, she seems like little miss perfct which is rather shallow.... if she could be more rounded?
Yeah, Chapter 5 was pretty rushed in terms of things happening. I was in a hurry to get things moving (since they were 4 chapters in and still haven't left) so I spliced a few chapters together. Once we remeet Kristie I have something I'll add to her character. The show Friends kind of helps to influence the romance aspect of my fic.

Wow. I'm surprised. When Kristie showed up, I was thinking that one of two things would happen: jeff would lose and be embarrassed in front of kristie or that jeff would win and increase kristie's affection for him. When neither of those happened and she and Alan ended up being long-lost lovebirds, I was shocked. And jeff's resulting depression/anger was conveyed well.

Corphish is awesome. I forgot to comment on the pokemon-human speech before, but I really like how it makes the pokemon more colorful characters.

Thanks for a good read, Griff!
I'm happy that you enjoyed it, Maze. Thanks for pointing out those things.



All in all, Thanks all of you for your reviews, you guys really made my night! :) I hope I can contact my beta in time. And if not, then the chapter may be posted a few days later than my usual Friday-due date.

Speaking of late, its quite late here and I have school tomorrow. I'm off.

Cheers, Griff4815
 

Glajummy

Why so S E R I O U S
Aww, I kinda feel bad for Jeff... But he needs to suck it up and be a man! The descriptions were better in this chapter but unless Jeff is spending a little more time in Petalburg, you should decribe the city a little more. Also, you forgot to describe Alan's clothes (I think). Overall, though, it was a great chapter. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see when Jeff and Alan meet again!
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
Aww, I kinda feel bad for Jeff... But he needs to suck it up and be a man! The descriptions were better in this chapter but unless Jeff is spending a little more time in Petalburg, you should decribe the city a little more. Also, you forgot to describe Alan's clothes (I think). Overall, though, it was a great chapter. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see when Jeff and Alan meet again!
To suck up and be a man or to not suck up and be a man...that is the question that will be revealed next chapter (hopefully tomorrow or Saturday)

I'm going to describe Petalburg more next chapter, don't worry.
 
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Apotheosis

Seeker of Truth
The wording of some of your sentences could be better. It also seemed a bit slow at times. It also sort of falls in the old trainer on their journey category, so that doesn't help much. The good things I see is that the characters speak well and have a good amount of personality. Also, if the main character is only 135 pounds at six feet tall, then he would be very skinny (his BMI would be around 19, which is underweight).
 
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