No. 1 Grovyle Fan
First, thanks for the compliments. I was worried I didn't pull it off too well.wow, that was absolutely amazing! and very long
i love the emotion that is shown, i really felt the sadness and the joy, it was beautiful.
i love the way you made Jeff's understanding of his pokémon dissappear after he slapped treeko, very lovely and inspired
now to what i feel is negative: Daedalus finding the twig out of the blue just seemed too lucky. it did not really seem realistic enough to me....
secondly, i did not understand the whole song thing.... could that please be explained?
lastly, i did not get treeko's dream.... and how he feel asleep in such a moment of high tension....
great chapter, my eyes could not leave the computer!
Yeah, Daedalus finding the twig was a bit too fast. But he does know that forest 'like the back of his wing' plus I didn't really want to drag the chapter on ^ ^.
The song: I added that in because I found that the lyrics to that particular song had a deep connection to the situation at hand. It was also there to heighten the drama. It helps if you know the song but the lyrics still help.
Treecko's dream was a flashback/series of flashbacks. This served to help influence Treecko's decision to leave as well as reveal/add more mystery to his character.
PS, yay so far I've got two teary eyes and two eyes unable to leave screen. ^ ^
I'm happy you enjoyed it. ^ ^Now this was a well-written chapter, and you've come a long way in your writing since the first chapter. Emotions were captured really well as the relationship between Jeff and Treecko hit rock bottom (with the smack and Jeff no longer able to hear Pokespeech afterwards) before getting patched up... somewhat. Jeff struck his Pokemon, and with Treecko's stubbornness, that's not something that'll be patched up with a mere apology. After doing something like that, trust between a trainer and Pokemon usually is built back slowly, and you do a good job with showing that at the very end.
So I guess the way I interpret it is that Jeff and Treecko are on "uneasy good terms" right now, since though they're a team again, Treecko still has the hitting incident fresh in his mind.
Now the only problem is, this is the second fic I've read in a row with a dark/depressed theme to it, and now I have to find something light and fluffy to read! *scurries off*
I heard that the little guy actually makes a six-figure income. Might not be such a bad career path
"Uneasy good terms" is what I'm going for. This will play a large roll in the next chapter.
Funny thing is...I never expected my fic to ever have any dark themes besides Jeff getting heartbroken... and look where we are now xD. I guess the drama aspect has grown on me.
Lastly, LOL at your final comment. I'm not sure that would be Treecko's cup o' tea, though.
PS. In answer to your earlier question: I've readt the first, I think, five chapters of your fic and I don't think Jeff would sic Daedalus on her although he might not agree with some of the tactics. (on the other hand, I don't know what Lisa is like now so she may have gotten worse or better so I can't say until I get up to date)
Thanks. I'll keep the possibility thing in mind.I agree that this chapter was excellent. My only comments are on what different possibilities might have yielded.
First, I'm not sure that the song helped much. Perhaps you should have tried the chapter with and without it and decided based on that.
Second, shifting the view to Daedalus did slightly weaken the emotion. Although it still kept the sad tone, perhaps this might have been another thing to experiment with to see if it was needed or not in the chapter.
Experimenting with writing can take a lot of time, but it's always good to play with possibilities in the search for the best one. As the chapter is, it was great, and that's why the only things I have to critique are only possibilities of what the chapter could have been like. Keep up the good writing.
...Well, I've just read the whole thing. It's been a long read, but well worth it.
You've improved from the prologue that's for sure. It's taken a while though - things only really got more interesting when Jeff left his hometown IMO. There's still a few mistakes here and there - I *think* I remember a 'wear' as 'where' for instance, and one of you 'bolding' attempts didn't work in one of the early chapters. (i.e. looked something like /insertwordshere/b] ).
Personally, I've been liking Corphish more than Treecko, which is the main Pokemon in your fic - probably because his personailty agrees with me more, and his obsession with T.V. shows are quite funny.
Your strong point in this fic is character development and personality establishments without a doubt IMO - and this has been highlighted in your last chapter. Truely a great improvement, and an outstanding chapter that makes most of the others pale in comparison. Definetely worked for me (though the song inclusion may not have been nesserary... kinda distracted) - and as I'm not quite good at the character development thing, I'm jealous of that
Anyway, here's hoping you continue that last chapter's quality in other chapters. I would like to go on the PM list as well by the way Keep it up!
Wow, thanks for taking the time to read the whole thing.
It'll be tough, but I'll try and see if I can't find those errors that you pointed out. xD
As I've said before, Corphish IS really fun to have.
Don't let the character developement get to you. I can guarantee that you're better than me at description, plot, or what have you.
And I'll add you to the PM list.
*Blushes and hides head in ground*...
Wow. I'm currently in a minor state of shock, wondering what the hell to put in this review that would get across what I think. I could give another lecture about sentence flow and technical things like that, but it would seem so out of place after a chapter which quite frankly didn't NEED good sentence flow to be easily your best chapter yet. In fact, it was probably the most moving thing I've read in a long while.
So, first things first: the Treecko POV. When I read your note at the start of the chapter I assumed it was going to be third person limited to Treecko, so the first person was a bit of a surprise. However, as I read the chapter I realise how this would not have worked anywhere near as well from another perspective.
I am going to have a small technique-related moan here about the first person, and that is that Treecko's thought process (not the italicised thoughts themselves) occasionally slipped into present tense, when they should be keeping to past tense throughout.
As for the song, I didn't mind it too much seeing as it was actually playing in the scene - it would admittedly have been too weird if you'd just put the lyrics in for no apparent reason. They were a tad distracting but I found that they helped give a sad aura to that scene - I don't actually know the song so I just sort of imagined the lyrics being sung in a depressing way. The one thing I found odd was when the lyrics continued even after Treecko had run from Jeff and would have been out of earshot from his headphones.
Erm. Other stuff to mention.
*gushes for ten minutes about how much she liked the emotion*
...seriously, I can't find a way to express how well you did in a mature, reviewerish way, so I'll just say that it was amazing and you damn well better keep it up.
You also deserve cookies for finally including a Grovyle in the fic, for describing its evolution's voice in what I consider to be a negative way, and for giving the Grovyle a cool name. (Velox makes me think of Velotus :3)
...And one final thing. How does Corphish know Treecko's name if he's never said it out loud to anyone since... since whenever?
I'm flattered, really. :3
I have to say I love writing in first person, although I won't do it too much unless the occasion calls.
I'll have to keep an eye out for the present-past tense thing. I'm told I sometimes slip in and out of it. As for the music continue to play... let's just say that the Ipod was still hanging from Jeff's pocket and when he fell it turned up REALL REALLY loud! xP
I'm really pleased that I managed to pull off the emotion as well as I wanted to. Admittedly I was worried I went too far or made Treecko OOC.
And it won't be the last Grovyle, Elyvorg. As for the name, I simply searched up 'speed' or something along those lines in my Latin dictionary and one of the results was 'Velox'. I thought it sounded badass so I used it
Corphish knowing the name... It's to be assumed that Treecko and he conversed about their personal issues at one point off screen. I didn't actually want to show the conversation since that would completely ruin what I have in store later. I should probably have alluded to it more.
Thanks for the great review.
Yeah, my favorite pokemon is a mystery even to me XD. Thanks for reading the first few chapters. Apparently it gets better as it goes along.Hmm, I wonder who your favorite Pokemon is. LOL, I like that Treecko is a main Pokemon in the RP. I also like how Jeff doesn't start his journey as a 10 year old. Basically an elementary school kid. XD.
Trying to find something to criticize in the first 2 chapters, but so far, so good . Keep it up.
I appreciate you reading it, thanks. We'll see what happens. And that was Daedalus' words, not mine ^ ^I'll leave grammar to DP479... on to the funny/nice parts!
He let out a pained groan before falling flat on his face
OK, that was a grammar check... back to fun times!
Yeah, don't go, T-Cko!
Well, now jeff can't understand his pokemon, communication in this team will plain ol' suck. Can't wait to see if Jeff gets his 'gift' back...
Phew, my fingers are falling off.
Thanks to all who read and reviewed I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for saying that the song was distracting, I'll keep that in mind for the future.