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Never in the Wrong Time or Wrong Place (14A)

Apotheosis

Seeker of Truth
I think the phrase "that was gelled up" made the one sentence a bit awkward, but I have no other real complaints.

I would also like to say that Jeff just cares too much about things and has little emotional strength. Such events as happened to him would possibly frustrate me, but not make me consider quitting. He really needs something or someone to renew and guide him at the moment, given his state of mind.
 

DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
Happy Birthday DarkPersian479 *Gives a Koffing-shaped cake with a quadratic equation in the icing*
Thanks! Even though I was a day late in reviewing (maybe two, as I'm facing forum lag as I type this.)

Anyway, onto the review that I've been late for, once again!
attached to the boulder were more boulders.
“WHAT? WHAT, HITMONLEE?!” Jeff yelled in frustration
So Jeff's back home, ready to give up and sinking further and further into his own depression. Allow me to play the role of Corphish and say, "Chin up and take it like a man, man!" I'm thinking he's officially rock bottom; not much worse than simply throwing in the towel. And since I KNOW you're not ending your fic like this, something's gotta come up to make Jeff see the light (see my spoiler comment at the end)

Well, despite the fact that Jeff returned home and there's an obvious air of depression as he's about to quit the whole training game, there were some funny moments, courtesy of our good friend Corphish:

“<Please don’t eat me! I’m very sharp and I taste of feet!>” Corphish pleaded.
“<I stole a TV from the Oldale pokemon center along with about four things of extension cords, so that I could watch it from my pond. I bribed a Magnemite into hooking up the satellite signals with the TV,>” Corphish explained proudly.
One must wonder what he was doing with a TV, especially the other Corphish :O

And one more point I would like to address:
It sounded almost like a Sceptile blowing its nose for a long time.
Oh, come now, most ice-makers don't sound THAT bad anymore... XD

I felt you really expanded Hitmonlee's character this chapter, and showed the reasons behind his animosity toward Treecko in the early chapters. Atlas is an interesting catch, though when he was first introduced he seemed to have conflicting views toward being with humans.

And good 'ol Professor Birch, interrupting before Jeff even had a chance to get a word in. But...
Perhaps baling this newbie Sam is what Jeff needs to motivate himself to continue. Could b a big turning point in his character

Well, this chapter had a new capture and Jeff returning home with his tail between his legs, so to speak. It was a nice chapter besides Jeff being all emo, and I can't help to think that change in his attitude is coming very soon...
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
First of all. I dramatically revamped Chapter 4. I rewrote almost all of it and it's now mostly from Treecko's POV like Bladed Scizor suggested two months ago (wow, it's only been 2 months?!)



I'm very tired right now so please forgive my half-arsed review responses. They're usually much better.

I'm happy this chapter turned out better that I thought. I wasn't really "feeling" it as much as the others. I admit "sad-Jeff" is also pissing me off, that's what I was going for in this chapter. :p

The ice maker: I didn't add the Sceptile part just for you Elyvorg ;) The fridge was based off of the troubles with my own fridge and that's really the only way I could describe the sound it makes. DP479, you obviously haven't heard the terrifying sounds that my fridge makes in the night xD. The first few week we had it I thought it was someone down stairs but really it was just ice being made. XD (It's a pretty new fridge, too.)

My fault with the Atlas confusion, I should have worded it better. He wasn't angry at the humans, he thought that their actions were justifyable for reasons we'll find out later. Again, my fault.

As for him understanding Hitmonlee's speech, there's really no way I could get around this. I'm trying to keep Jeff's understanding of him and Bayleef as simple words so he doesn't understand complex sentences, like you said.

PS, I love looking at my stupid mistakes like the double-frustation one that Elyvorg mentioned. They make me lol at myself for missing it. (That sentence was in fact a mistake :p Often I'll start to write a sentence one way but then forget and write it a different way xD )
 

Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Really? That sounds cool, I've gotta check it out!

I'm getting to review chapter 11 now:

Grammar: A+

Description: A+

Length: A+

Jeff quitting being a trainer because of treecko: F-

All in all, great chapter. Way to laving Jeff in an awkward position, you rule!

L@er!
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
Sorry this took so long Griff, I have been very busy. That being said, I only reached the prologue...

But ok here we go.

Prologue-
Description- Very good for a first chapter.
Everything was a dark green and brown blur in my eyes. The colors moved around in my eyes, I was unable to focus while I sprinted. All that I focused on was running away. I ran through the eerie, misty forest, bounding over roots and branches. There were few beams of light trying to enter the forest, clearly seen in the haze.

I didn’t know WHAT I was running from but I knew that I had to run. I knew I was being chased, I could sense it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see what appeared to be a moving shape… perhaps a figure, running beside me. It blended in with the forest but had a blur of red moving on it as it ran by my side, like there was a piece of the forest running with me. The red was the only way that I knew that it wasn’t part of the underbrush.

The underbrush that I dashed in became denser. I felt myself trip over a hard, unwavering root and fall face first into the bushes and grass. I lay in the ground, expecting the worse. When it didn’t arrive I tried to get up and move forward, but my legs wouldn’t let me. I used my right arm to try and crawl forward, grabbing at plants and weeds to help pull me along.

The dim figure in front of me extended its hand. I tried to reach it and grab it but I couldn’t reach. I looked up and saw a beautiful, almost angelic, shape of a girl I knew beside the figure. Behind them shined a blinding light. The girl had brown-red hair and smooth, natural skin. She smiled sweetly at me with an innocent yet beautiful face. I tried to grab for them but the two continued to be forever out of my reach. I tried to get up again but my legs were limp so I fell back to the ground. I moved forwards using only my hands to drag the rest of my body.

I heard whispers and high, raspy shrieks of the unknown creature echoing, coming from all around me. They boomed through the forest as if they were everywhere… but I knew they were only getting closer to me. They gradually grew louder and I struggled, helpless.

I looked down at my left arm and saw a gigantic gash appear down my bicep. The flesh was completely ripped from that part of my upper arm. I could see the insides of my arm: inside the gash were: still pumping veins and arteries, muscles which quivered in contraction, and exposed tissues. The arm stung with a cold numbness, but surprisingly no pain. I was horrified by the grizzly sight; I could feel every muscle in my chest constrict in fear.
In these paragaphs, you captured your charachter, and his feelings and emotions. His fall, and the gorey predicament that ensued were described perfectly, and gorely...
So...A

Lenght- Sorry buddy not good. Yes, it is the prologue, but it needs to be much longer to elaborate on the mystery and plot. I have skimmed over the next few chapters, and you are improving in this department.

Plot-Good, I love Cliffhangers. However, the prologue gives no mention of a charachters name, or even species. It is a tad confusing, but really interesting.

Grammar-I cant see anything...I think your good.
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
Thanks for reviewing, no problem.

Cool, the prologue sucked before the revamp. It was kinda supposed to be confusing and disorienting so, happy that worked.

The review was greatly appreciated, I agree about the length though.

Again thanks for the great review! :D I'll be sure to get to yours after this damn project is over.

Edit, PS: The next chapter should be up by Wednesday night or so.
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
Alrighty...Chapter 1!

Jeff was some distance away from the town. He slid his backpack off of his arm and threw it carelessly on the grass. He leaned back against a tree, which stood beside a small, tranquil lakeside, when a Zigzagoon came up to him, curiously. The pokemon was a brown and beige furred large rodent. Its fur appeared to be spiky, although it was really quite soft.

Zigzagoon sniffed around, inspecting his apple. Jeff put a hand up to motion that he was friendly. Ever since Jeff was young he had never felt any particular fear or hostility towards pokemon. Growing up with a family that had a Chikorita, he felt that pokemon were no threat to him. He liked mostly all pokemon as long as they were at least indifferent towards him. He decided to crouch down in front of it and fed the creature some of his apple that he didn’t finish. Zigzagoon began to happily munch on it, but then it looked up as a large shadow was cast over it as well as Jeff’s back. It dropped the piece of apple that was in its mouth and started to panic, running around in zigzags and then out of sight.

“What’s wrong?” Jeff asked, confused.
This part was perfectly described. I felt as if I was Jeff, watching the scene unfold. You have seemed to have mastered description early.

Plot- So now I am not confused. The setting is just north of Littleroot town, and Jeff is a human...he got that gash from the syther..that part was gorey. Good Job!

Lenght-This is where you needed improvment. You made it longer yes, but the chapter is still a tad short...this improves in time.

Grammar-so yeah...whatever Dark Persian caught...
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
You have seemed to have mastered description early.
Heck no xD. The original Chapter 1 was as nooby as hell, haha. I recently got this chapter beta'd and I made it better.

Thank you for the review. Midterms just came in for me and it isn't looking so good. So I won't be able to r & r your fic for about a week while I get back on track. This will also hinder the posting of my next chapter. Within the buisness week it should be up (then I get to write the chapter I've been wanting to write for 3 chapters :3 )
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
Its fine Griff, I can wait.

This also gives me a chance to catch up.

Well yes, your 1st chapter was a bit nooby at first, but now, it is great...keep up the good work.

You needent worry about me losing interest.
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
Here's Chapter...the next chapter!!!


Home is Where the Heart Is

Jeff, Hitmonlee, Daedalus, and Corphish walked into the dark house. There was a gloomy aura accompanying the lightless abyss of the home. Around them lingered an eerie silence with the exception of one discouraging noise: a feminine sobbing of a pokemon coming from upstairs. Much to Jeff’s surprise, there was still no one home to tend to either the darkness or the cries. He decided to flick on the light. A blinding flash of fluorescent beams temporarily impaired their vision.

“<I’d better get that,>” Hitmonlee said, gesturing to the noise.

“Should I come?” asked the worried human.

“<You’re in no situation to be comforting anyone… comfort YOURSELF and then you can help!>” the kick boxer-like pokemon answered, angrily. “<And go have a shower… you smell awful.>”

Jeff was taken aback by his friends anger.

“<THANK YOU! I’ve been trying to get him to for the past two days!>” Corphish chuckled.

Hitmonlee walked upstairs and they heard a door shut.

Jeff cleared his throat. “You guys can do whatever you want; I’m going to go have that shower.” He walked up the stairs and entered the second floor hallway. He opened the door which was right next to his room on the far side. Jeff flicked on a blinding fluorescent light and took a dark green towel from the basket of clean laundry which he slung over the towel rack. He undressed himself before stepping into the spacious shower. Jeff turned on the tap and the nozzle released multiple jets of extremely hot water, which was just the way he liked his showers. The warm water hit his back, creating hot steam on impact.

He grabbed a bottle of Dial body wash in an attempt to cleanse himself of the dirt and mud which was really stuck on. The pressurized water attempted to pry the dried blood from his body, but it stubbornly clung to his wounds. The hot jets stung his gash of a leg wound, as well as the sole of his foot. The painfully hot temperature was very soothing once he got used to it. Jeff began to think as the warmth relaxed his mind.

Maybe Hitmonlee’s right… maybe you SHOULD grow up. It’s so hard… but you’re a mature guy… you can get past this. Give it a try… Try being more cheerful tomorrow. All you’re doing is dragging your friends down. You still don’t have to be a trainer, though. Just go into the class, tell them about your journey, show them your pokemon, and answer any questions. It’ll be a piece of cake… you can prove Hitmonlee wrong. Think of this realistically… what good is being upset doing you? Exactly! So just buck up for at least tonight and tomorrow and we’ll see what happens from there! Ok? Ok! Ok, then! …Ok.”

The water was really helping his mood.

If only you had a hot shower right after you dealt with Nidoking… or right after you found out about Kristie and Alan. That would have made things so much easier on everyone… NO! Snap out of it, Jeff! You’re not a whiny, weak quitter, are you?! Yes, you are. NO YOU’RE NOT! Promise to cheer up!” Jeff pledged after trying to quell his two conflicting mindsets. He knew he wanted the optimistic one to win, but the ball and chain of the repenting thoughts still weighed the other down. “Come on, Jeff…

He winced as he rubbed the anti-bacterial body wash into his leg wound.

“I’m surprised that it’s not infected… who knows what that Seviper killed with it?” Jeff muttered, inspecting the deep gash which was only a little red around the edges.

He pushed in the tap of the shower and the water ceased. The steam filled bathroom made it almost impossible to see where his towel was. Jeff walked out of the shower, his hand outstretched, and he managed to find the towel, which he wrapped around his waist. He opened the bathroom door and steam flooded into the hallway. Jeff fully opened the door to see Hitmonlee walking to a stop in front of the door.

Uncomfortable that he was in only a towel, Jeff awkwardly asked, “Hey… What’s up?”

Hitmonlee scratched his head. “<I talked to Bayleef; I told her that Treecko only ran off. Your great choice of words made it seem like he was dead. She’s still pretty upset. Did you disinfect your leg?>” he asked, pointing to the cut.

“I put anti bacterial soap on i…”

“<Not good enough. Are you going to put disinfectant on it or do you want me to?>”

“Fine… but interrupt me again and I’ll punch you in where ever it is your that mouth is!” Jeff threatened with a friendly grin.

Hitmonlee chuckled before turning right. Jeff turned left to go to his room but Hitmonlee grabbed his arm.

“Can’t I get some clothes first?” asked Jeff, confused.

Hitmonlee shook his head. “<Bayleef is in there, she’ll probably want to talk to you.>”

“Fine,” Jeff reluctantly agreed, walking towards his parent’s bedroom.

“<I don’t see why humans wear clothes anyways.>”

“It’s because we’re ashamed and we almost always have the undeniable need to fit in,” Jeff informed, grinning.

They walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed. Jeff took out a med-kit that was stashed in the end table. He opened it and took out a spray bottle. As he began to spray the yellow-green liquid on his leg, in a grimace, he said, “I’ve decided to take your advice, Hitmonlee. I’m going to take care of myself.”

“<So you’re still a trainer?>”

Jeff avoided the question. “…I dunno yet.”

“<I need you to promise me something…>” Hitmonlee spoke up. Jeff nodded in agreement. “<Promise you won’t go after Treecko… >”

He was left surprised and speechless.

“<No good can come from it. He’ll only drag you back down the hell hole you’re climbing out of! …Promise?>”

Jeff didn’t make eye contact, but he gave a quick nod. He finished bandaging his wound and walked out of his parent’s room, still wearing a towel. He walked down the hallway, leaving wet footprints with each step. Jeff opened the door to his room and stepped inside. Bayleef was lying on his bed, looking up at the poster of the green-bodied Grovyle.

Annoyed at still being unable to change into clothes, Jeff walked over to his bed and sat beside her. He put an arm around her long, leafy neck in comfort.

“Are you ok, Bay?” Jeff asked warmly.

“<Not… really,>” she answered. “<I don’t understand; why did he go?>”

“Well I… we… had a disagreement and things kind of were different ever since,” Jeff explained.

“<So this is your fault?>” she asked accusingly.

“Ye…” Jeff’s tongue held the ‘y’ before he stopped himself. “No, it’s… no! It was no one’s fault… it just kind of happened.”

Unsatisfied with the answer, Bayleef placed her head in the ruffled folds of the sheets. She looked up at Jeff with a question.

“<Promise you’ll bring him back? Please find him and get him back… I think you owe it to him,>” persuaded Bayleef.

Jeff paused. What was he to do? He had already promised that he WOULDN’T do just that! He gave a quick nod, just as he had done earlier. He would sort it out later.

“<Thank you…>” she replied. Bayleef placed her head on the pillow and began to fall quickly asleep. Seizing the chance, Jeff took a handful of clothes from his dresser and ran out into the hallway. He looked into the gym room and saw Hitmonlee kicking the punching bag.

“Hey, Hit, where’s Mom and Dad? I thought they’d be home by now.”

“<Away…>” Hitmonlee grunted between kicks.

“For how long?”

Hitmonlee shrugged and landed another powerful blow on the suspended bag.

“Are you guys eating alright?” Jeff asked, concerned.

He didn’t answer; he just kept kicking the bag in a state of concentration. Jeff was impressed with the pokemon’s adroit footwork. He walked into the washroom and removed the towel in preparation for changing. He slipped on blue shorts and white Reebok shirt before staring in the still fogged up mirror.

“You ready for a fresh start?” he asked his reflection. Despite the fact that it was a rhetorical question, he still didn’t answer. “…Me neither, but too bad. It’s worth a try!”

Jeff walked into his hallway and turned to go to his room to sleep. To his surprise, Daedalus was asleep on the bed, near where Bayleef was snoozing.

“Where’s Corphish?” Jeff asked himself out loud.

“<Watching… ‘E! True Hollywood story’… on David Schwimmer… and then Matthew Perry… says he’ll be up… in two hours…>” Hitmonlee informed, not stopping his precise kicks to talk.

“Did you say TV? Doesn’t surprise me,” Jeff replied with a smile which astonished Hitmonlee, only because Jeff was grinning at all.

The weary human laid himself on the bed next to Bayleef and Daedalus. He carefully wedged himself between the warm bodies.

Well… it can’t hurt to try…”

Jeff closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantaneously.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, his body clock woke him up at his usual time of awakening. Jeff looked down at his chest and saw Bayleef’s head resting on his stomach and Corphish snuggled up next to his side. He also took out Atlas’s pokeball and wondered how he slept.

Jeff was somewhat surprised when Daedalus flew through the window next to him with something in his beak, but was still too asleep to react. Daedalus circled around the room before flying onto the bed near Jeff’s feet, with a proud smirk. Much to the human’s disgust, Daedalus had the slimy, red and white bottom half of a Wurmple sticking out of his beak. He plumped down his prey on the sheets and began to contently tear away at the former bug type. Dae noticed that Jeff was eying his food, but he misinterpreted why. So Daedalus strutted over to Jeff and plumped the half on his chest, offering him the rest of the meal. His face went white, looking at the feast.

“Oh gross, Daedalus!” Jeff complained. “I appreciate the offer…but Wurmples aren’t my choice of meal… and do you really have to eat that here?”

“<I thought everyone ate where they slept! Crazy humans… think they’re too good for public eating,>” Daedalus retorted, offended.

Jeff realized he probably offended him so he apologized and allowed him to eat on the bed. He ignored the gore and looked upwards.

He thought, “I guess this is the day. Time to go into that class with a smile… or at least a forced grin… and teach those future kids what it’s like to be a trainer. Hopefully they’ll have better luck then I did… and step one, Jeff, is to NOT be so down on yourself, stupid. Wait… Corphish broke my alarm clock!” Jeff quickly sat up, immediately awakening Corphish and Bayleef.

“What time is it?!” he yelled.

Hitmonlee walked into the room and leaned against the doorway.

“<Time to get up and go,>” he ordered.

“Yes, Mom…” Jeff muttered, sitting up in bed. “Come on, you two. Let’s go show these kids how cool you are. You want to come, Bayleef?” Jeff asked the leaf pokemon.

She nodded, mildly interested. Immediately following the agreement, Hitmonlee piped up, “<I think I’ll come, too.>”

“Let’s go, then,” he said, getting off of his bed. Daedalus finished his last bite and then flew onto Jeff’s shoulder. Corphish leapt from the bed and clamped onto Jeff’s shirt. He made it up to the other shoulder where he held on tightly. Luckily for Jeff, his shirt didn’t rip this time. The two others followed their footsteps. Hitmonlee exchanged a glance with Bayleef but he then quickly turned back forwards.

They walked down the stairs, stopping at the front door. Jeff took a deep breath before opening it. They were met with the eastern sunlight blinding their eyes upon the door swinging open. Bayleef took in the bright light contently. The five walked down the hardwood steps and down to the concrete sidewalk. They crossed the street without the need to look both ways due to the lack of traffic. Jeff was admittedly nervous and he thought about what he was going to say.

Why did I agree to this again?” he wondered. “Oh well.”

With his thoughts, the walk to the lab seemed incredibly short as they were already at the unmistakable glass front door. Jeff looked to his right, facing east. Shielding the sun with a hand, he managed to make out the very familiar, open-field ranch where trainer’s pokemon could run around freely. All that he could make out from the end of the street was the occasional flying type circling over the rolling fields and ponds; most of the pokemon must have still been asleep.

Jeff took out Atlas’ pokeball and threw it onto the middle of the street. The titan emerged from the white flash with a massive roar. The glass on the door rumbled violently – Jeff held his breath as he was sure that the glass would shatter.

When it did no such thing, he sighed and instructed, “Ok, you guys go over to the ranch and hang out until we come out. That shouldn’t be too long from now. Hitmonlee, you’re in charge.”

“<Him?!>” Daedalus protested, hurt.

Jeff caught on to his offended squawk. “Sorry, Dae… Next time, for sure,” he said with a wink.

He and his pokemon went their separate ways and Jeff closed the door behind him.

Ok, you’re in the lab and now go to the southern-most door on the right since the other one leads to pokemon storage,” he told himself in his mind.

He walked past Birch’s studying desk and opened the large brown door. There it was: Professor Birch’s lecture hall. Desks were rowed so that they formed almost a semicircle. Like all lecture halls, there was stadium seating so that each seat behind the first rose a little more off the ground with each row. Only about half of the seats were filled up by the roughly twenty-three early teens. They were all either studying or chatting amongst themselves.

Professor Birch was standing at the front, reading through a clipboard. Jeff walked up to him.

“Hey, Professor, sorry if I’m late,” he apologized.

“No problem, Jeff. You just made it in time. I was busy going through a few of these student’s trainer applications,” explained the pokemon professor.

“Erm… what exactly… am I supposed to, well, say?” asked Jeff.

“Basically, just tell them what your journey has been like so far, take some questions, and then we’ll go outside to meet your pokemon.”

“You mean from when I got my starter to when I got back here?”

“Yup. In a nutshell, though,” Birch responded.

Jeff sighed. “Ok… let’s do this then.”

Birch nodded and spoke up, “Ok… listen up, class! Today we’re going to have a break from status afflictions and what to use to cure them, and we’re going to be having a guest speaker.”

Sighs of relief and high-fives erupted from the class.

“Today we’re going to have Jeff Growell, a pokemon trainer, as well as a former student of mine, who actually lives down the street, talk about what his journey as a pokemon trainer has been like so far. Afterwards we’re going to see some of the pokemon that he has caught.”

A flurry of positive reactions from the students followed.

“Jeff, the floor is yours,” Birch told him.

Jeff stood at the front of the class. He took the twig from his mouth and put in his pocket before clearing his throat.

“I’m Jeff Growell; some of you may know me. Anyways, I’m going to keep this pretty short and then give more details on the questions. I started my journey around a week ago. I got my first pokemon and I left the lab to go to Oldale Town. There I met… another trainer who was just starting out. We traveled to Petalburg City and on the way I caught my first pokemon. In Petalburg I met an old…friend, who I battled and… won… against. Then I went from there up through Petalburg Forest where I caught another pokemon. My pokemon won me my first gym battle. Then we went back near the forest and we ran into a Nidoking. Our plan went kind of awry but my starter pokemon bailed us out. After that… me and my other two pokemon went back to Petalburg. I caught my third pokemon and we decided to come back here…for a… short break. Yeah, we were, and still are, on a break… questions?”

A girl in a pink shirt raised her hand. “So YOU were that guy who they were talking about on the news who got rid of that Nidoking who stole those fossils?!”

“Well, I guess, but like I said, it was really my starter who deserves all the credit!”

Another pre-pubescent male’s voice rang out, “Who was your starter pokemon?”

“Erm, it was a Treecko,” replied Jeff.

“Why did you choose a Treecko? None of the trainers in the past year chose Treecko!” the same boy asked.

“Well Treecko is by far the coolest one!” Jeff said with a grin. The class seemed unsatisfied with the answer given.

“Ok… you want to know the truth? A year ago from the day I chose my first pokemon, I was attacked by a Scyther. Then a Treecko came to save me. A year later I found out that the Treecko Professor Birch had for a year was the same one. He escaped from the lab and I helped to save him from a Fearow. Then he agreed to be my starter,” Jeff explained, while at the same time dwelling on his words.

“That sounds pretty cool,” another boy said.

“Who was that trainer that you traveled with?” asked a girl with a raised hand.

Jeff opened his mouth to answer but found that his words were stolen and obstructed by Professor Birch, once again.

“Wasn’t it Kristie from your class, Jeff? Didn’t she used to hangout with your friend Alan? She took a Torchic, I remember,” chimed in the annoyingly observant professor.

“What happened to her after you guys got to Petalburg?” another kid questioned.

Jeff became incredibly flustered and uncomfortable. “I’ll answer anymore questions outside!” proclaimed Jeff, motioning for Professor Birch to give the go ahead to go outdoors. He nodded and told the class to follow Jeff and him to the ranch.

They poured out the alternate side door which led directly from the lab to the pokemon-friendly zone. Jeff walked ahead to his pokemon followed by the class and Birch.

“And here they are. Corphish, my first catch. Daedalus, my second catch. And Onix, my third,” Jeff explained as the kids gazed in awe at the five. “I didn’t actually catch Hitmonlee or Bayleef – they belong to my family and wanted to tag along.”

“Why did you nickname your Taillow Daedalus?” a girl asked.

“I didn’t nickname him - that’s his real name,” replied Jeff.

He received a few confused looks from the kids.

“How do you know what his name is?” a boy asked.

That was a long story which Jeff didn’t wish to discuss. He instead avoided the question and acknowledged a hand coming from near Onix.

“Yeah?” Jeff asked him.

“Where’s your Treecko? He’s not here!” replied the black-haired pre-teen with a question.

“Erm, he’s at my relatives… training,” Jeff clearly lied.

“Aren’t you supposed to not leave your starter?”

“Yeah, why would you do that?”

“Isn’t it best to train pokemon yourself so your bond grows bigger?”

The voices all chimed in at once, echoing around Jeff’s ears.

“Last question!” Jeff said, pretty much yelling. He found himself pointing at Sam.

“Can we have that battle now?”

It’s definitely a better option than more of these questions. Those cruel little b*stards,” Jeff thought to himself.

“Sure, Sam.”

“<Is he serious?!>” Daedalus asked in shock.

“<Damn right he is!>” Hitmonlee replied with pride.

The crowd and pokemon formed a sideline in the grassland, giving the battlers enough room to move about freely without needing to worry about hitting the spectators. Jeff and Sam walked to opposite sides of the line and faced each other to create the center of the battlefield.

Jeff pondered, looking at his row of pokemon standing at the sidelines. “Hmm…who to pick? I don’t want to ask Dae to fight, seeing as he’d probably refuse anyways. Since I’m battling this guy’s starter, I can’t go with Onix since he’d obliterate him… I’m not even sure if he’s the battling type. I’m not sure Bayleef has ever even battled and Hitmonlee would probably take the battle too far… So that leaves me with…”

“Corppy, you’re up!” he decided.

Corphish literally jumped in the air in delight before quickly scuttling over to Jeff’s side.

“Corphish phish cor!” he merrily said.

Sam took his only occupied pokeball from his pocket and threw it.

“Let’s go, Keith!” shouted the new trainer.

“Keith, huh?” Jeff muttered to himself. “Corp? Prepare to use harden!”

While Corphish’s shell hardened with sickening cracks, a flash of white light appeared as the sphere opened and released its contents. The bright beam faded and emerging from it was a green pokemon; a green pokemon with a darker green thick tail, a red-pick chest and throat, and green lizard-like eyes.

Jeff recoiled at the sight of what he had to battle.

“A… Treecko?”

It completely slipped his mind that Treecko was one of the Littleroot Town starters.

“Keith, use pound on Corphish!” Sam called to his green starter.

The wood gecko, who was noticeably taller than Jeff’s former Treecko, went from a crouched position to all fours. He ran towards Corphish with break-neck speed. Keith went from the run into a slide tackle using his tail to take out Corphish’s unprotected feet. Corphish, who was caught off guard by the attack, immediately felt his legs and tail going over his head. He hit the ground and was forced into the grass with many beats from Keith’s tails in rapid succession. Corphish had no time to defend himself.

“<Jeff!>” Hitmonlee called to get his attention. Jeff didn’t even turn his head. With the false hope that the daunted human could see his body movements out of the corner of his eye, he called, “<Call for a counterattack!>”

Even if Jeff could have understood, the words seemed to go in Jeff’s left ear and out his right, hitting only the wind. He was fixated on the Treecko who was pounding Corphish in. The brutal attack continued and Corphish attempted to block but the strikes were too fast.

“<Jeff! Stop daydreaming and get Corphish outta that volley of pounds!>” Hitmonlee tried again.

He tried to call to attack but found that no words left his dry throat. He couldn’t call the move. It wasn’t like when he was fighting Chad and Roxanne; he wanted to attack but he literally couldn’t… Something was keeping Jeff from giving the command.

“<What are you waiting for?!>”

There were hushed whispers among the students as to why he wasn’t attacking. Everything was white noise except the grunts of the grass starter.

“I can’t do it,” thought Jeff. “Why can’t I bring myself to attack him?! I thought I was moving on!”

Corphish groaned in pain with each rapid blow. Daedalus looked away from the battle, unable to watch his friend take the beating. Hitmonlee, however, began to understand what was going on. Daedalus, still turned away from the massacre, whispered something into Hitmonlee’s ear… or where his ear should be.

“<I know you can do this, Jeff, just bring yourself to attack him!>” he urged, translating Daedalus’ words.

Jeff tried but he still felt his tongue being held back by the invisible force which the mix of his guilt and conscience.

“<Jeff… I… could… use… some… battle… advice… right… about… NOW…>” Corphish growled, with a grimace between blows.

Daedalus whispered to Hitmonlee again, still facing away.

“<Get a hold of yourself, Jeff! You’re not WEAK are you? The thing that Treecko hated the most!>”

Jeff remained silent, ogling the contenders. Corphish was fading away from consciousness, his shell becoming noticeably weak.

“It’s working, Keith! You’re doing great, keep at it!” Sam encouraged.

“<Your way isn’t working, birdie… Screw the mixed signals; it’s time for some tough love.>”

In a fiery passion, Hitmonlee roared, “<Come on, you weakling! You can’t keep dwelling on what happened to you! HE abandoned YOU, NOT vice-versa. You have no reason to feel guilty because he didn’t leave because of you! He left because he’s so in himself that the lump in his throat is his tail!>” Daedalus shot him a glare, even though he knew it was true and admittedly agreed with it.

Jeff heard this yell and began to stammer.

The yelling Hitmonlee continued his zealous preach. “<JEFF! If you don’t attack that damned Treecko you’ll never be able to move past this and you’ll never be a successful trainer! You say you’re letting go, so PROVE IT! Otherwise MORE of your friends will be screwed over by your emotional weakness! No matter what you say, your pokemon aren’t going to leave you, so get your head OUT of your *ss, stop thinking that everything is your fault, poke-man up, and…>”

“CORPHISH, PARRY THAT NEXT BLOW AND USE CRABHAMMER WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT!” Jeff yelled, interrupting with trachea-tearing intensity.

Corphish’s eye glinted.

“CoooorrrPHISH!”

Then, with concrete instructions, he knocked the oncoming tail away from him with his left claw and reared back his right. Keith was surprised that the pokemon started to fight back. Corppy thrusted his claw forward, upper cutting Keith. The force of the blow was heavily fueled by the adrenaline attained by the built up pain and rage. The Treecko flew backwards across the field, landing at Sam’s feet. He tried to get up, but the blow to the jaw was too much. Keith fell to the grass with a sigh.

Applause arose from the crowd of teens. Sam ran over to his pokemon, fell to his knees, and held him in his arms, apologizing under his breath. Jeff also fell to his knees. As he yelled the command, it felt like a part of him ripped from his chest and flew off. He felt a wave of relief. The overwhelming feeling was unexplainable. Hitmonlee walked over to Jeff and put a hand on his shoulder. Jeff grabbed the hand and Hitmonlee pulled him up with a strong yank.

The confused human walked over to Sam, outstretching a hand. Sam stood up and happily shook it.

“You really did awesome at the very end there. Congratulations,” Sam said, impressed yet a bit worried for his own pokemon.

“You’re a pretty good trainer yourself. That Treecko is really strong. Remember… the pokemon is as equally important as the trainer. Be sure to care for them and, above all, listen to them.”

Sam took in the advice and nodded. “I will… thanks, Jeff. I’ll see you soon.”

Jeff walked towards his pokemon and climbed up on Atlas.

“<Are you ok, Jeff? You look as white as a Gastly!>” Bayleef pointed out.

“<Which is a dumb saying because…>” chimed in Corphish, receiving a glare from Hitmonlee.

Jeff gave no reply. The morose feeling of relief still swept about him.

“Thank you, Jeff for that presentation on what your experience was like; we hope to hear back from you in a few months to see how you’re doing then,” stated Professor Birch, who began to herd the students back inside. He began to talk to the teens who were walking through the door. “And that brings us to an important topic of why not to get over-confident in a battle, Sam!”

“Hitmon!” Hitmonlee tapped Atlas and pointed down the road to Jeff’s house.

“Hwrrrrgh,” the Onix answered in a low rumble, beginning to slither carefully down the road.

Corphish hopped beside Atlas, holding his claws up like a child who wanted to be picked up. Jeff reached down and grabbed a claw. Corppy winced as he was pulled up; bruises still colored his body. Jeff noticed the pokemon’s pain and smiled comfortingly.

“As soon as we get home, I’ll run a warm bath for you,” he offered.

Corphish leapt at Jeff in a hugging manner, beaming. He obviously enjoyed the prospect. Jeff closed his eyes and listened to the pokemon talk.

“Low taillow taii.”

“Phish phish corphish.”

I guess I’ll have to get used to hearing and understanding their names,” thought Jeff.

They rolled up to the driveway and Jeff took Corphish under his arm, hopping off Atlas. He took a deep breath.

“Ok…” The pokemon leaned in expectantly. “Here’s the deal… do you guys WANT to travel around and battle with me?”

Corphish nodded vigorously, Daedalus nodded to the first comment and shrugged to the next, and Atlas and a slight nod and then looked away.

“Then… if you guys really want me to… I’ll…” Jeff began to struggle with the words. “…Give… being a trainer… another shot…”

Corphish yelled for joy and hugged Jeff. Daedalus shrugged and also flew up and hugged him. Atlas emitted a large roar, for the joy that they were on the move. The bellow caused a guy who was biking by to lose control and flip the bike forwards, landing in pain and shock.

Hitmonlee noticed and urged them inside. Jeff recalled Atlas and walked inside.

With a confident grin, Jeff exclaimed, “So Corphish, we’ll get you that bath and we’ll leave tonight.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in Route 101

The sharp blades of grass soothed the cut bottoms of my feet. With all of my strength, I continued to push onward. The orange setting sun shot sideways through the trees, casting the glow on the clouds overhead, as well as the tree canopies. Normally I’d travel around in the tree tops but right now I was just too wea… in pain. I had to make do with walking on foot.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I got that sensation in my tail again. The same one that shot chills up my spine. I almost wished that I didn’t get that surge, anymore. It told me that it was going to rain tonight.

You had better get there fast.

As I picked up my labored pace I noticed that my body grew weaker as the grey clouds blotted out the setting sun. Over rocks and twigs I staggered until I stopped minutes later for a deserved breathing break. Panting, I walked over to a tree. I closed my eyes and leaned against it with a cringe. My mouth felt so tingly and awkward – it was because it was missing something… the twig.

You left him. You left your trainer and your only friend. He probably thinks it’s his fault… but isn’t it?

Isn’t he the one who pressured you into coming with him?

Isn’t he the one who collapsed after what’s her name chose that other human? I know I’d never show weakness in that situation.

Isn’t he the one who didn’t want to be a trainer and didn’t choose you for a gym battle and ended up needing to have you save his tail?

Isn’t he the one who didn’t trust you to take out ‘Daggerback’, that Nidoking?

And isn’t he the one who hit you and told you to leave?

Exactly! It’s not your fault – other people either just slow you down and or begin to hate you. That’s their problem, not yours. So get your lazy tail off the ground, you worthless pile of sh*t, and keep moving!


I shot open my eyelids and looked around. Dusk began to over take the many magnificent trees to which I was familiar with. I looked beside me and saw a straight twig on the ground, with a leaf jutting from the side. To quell my naked-feeling mouth, I picked it up and placed it in my maw so that it rested on my lips. The sensation was different, like a stranger in a strange land, but it’d have to do.

I got up from my relaxed stance and I walked on all fours away from the tree. Traveling like this was much faster, but it also felt more degrading. It felt like a step backwards to my old, primal self, but that was where I was headed so I had might as well get used to it. It wasn’t TOO bad after all.

Pain coursed through me with every movement I made. I knew whining and complaining would get me nowhere so I sucked it up and soldiered on. Around me I sensed wild pokemon staring at me, not threateningly but out of curiosity and worry. A Zigzagoon hopped out in front of me and urged me to stop. The brown furry rodent blocked my path, to my dismay.

“<Are you ok? Did a human do this to you or was it a wild pokemon?>” he asked me.

I paused. “<Not exactly,>” I replied, the only emotion showing was seriousness.

“<Do you want some berries for your wounds or do you need some…>”

“<Get out of my way,>” I boldly answered, glaring into his beady brown eyes which were beginning to glaze over.

“<Sorry. Just wanted to help,>” he squeaked, slightly quivering in his place.

I continued onward, past the pathetic obstacle, keeping my eyes straight ahead of me. The tree line broke and I found myself now in the night, by a very familiar lake. Exhausted, I walked to where the calm water met the shore. I fell to my knees and stared. In the lake was the reflection of the full moon and the stars, creating a rippling duplicate of the true thing in the water.

I stared at the reflection before following the water in front of me back to the shore. I looked at myself in the water. I saw a green face and snout, with red coming from the bottom of the mouth. It returned the cold gaze that had been given to many, friend and foe alike. I noticed that my red chest was riddled with purple-red bruises, cuts which had dried or proceeded to seep a mild trickle of blood, and red lesions which I got when Seviper got a hold of me. It was a good thing he got his in the end.

I continued to look at myself. My eyes… the yellow organs stared eternally into each other.

You’re home. But is it worth it? You chose the road not taken but you made a u-turn before crossroad was out of sight. Does that make you the coward? Does that make you weak and puny? Did you really give up your one chance at friends and happiness because you were scared to try something new? But you’re all alone, just the way you’ve always liked it. Why do you feel guilty? It’s because you left home in the first place to travel with Jeff. You became emotionally attached and you left him when he was injured and alone.

Why did you leave? You did it for so many reasons that it floods your head. Inadequacy… guilt… fear… and most of all… shame. The reason why you don’t have friends is because you don’t care about them. This is just as much your fault as it is Jeff’s. You left him when he needed you because you only care about what’s in your stupid-pathetic-little-head! You sat on your hands and missed your only chance at something more! Now all you have left is your home… and puny, weak you.


I continued staring into the eyes of the pokemon which seemed foreign to me. I could hardly recognize what I saw. The Treecko which used to be my reflection was something else. It was grinning while I remained cold. It had friends around it while I remained alone. It felt something while I felt nothing but a sense of self-obligation. I blinked and saw my true self staring back at me. The yellow eyes were now filled with sadness. Before I could stop it, a tear dripped from the eye and plummeted into the water, hitting the opposing eye. Its impact created ripples, distorting the face so that it became an incomprehensible green, red and yellow waving blur. Rage at both what I saw and at myself for my weakness coursed through me.

“TREECKO!” I quickly shouted, hitting the would-be reflection with my hand, creating a bigger splash so that there was now no trace of a face ever being there. I wiped my eyes with my dry hand and put on the cool apathetic look which I had come to know and subconsciously associated with myself.

Grow up! Like you said before, it’s his fault not yours. Just deal with your own problems and he’ll deal with his!

I cupped water in my hands and splashed my cut face with it. Soon after, I took a large, bowl-like leaf from the ground and filled it with water. Holding it in both my hands, I turned around and slowly walked towards the enormous tree which was highlighted by the moonlight.

At least now you only have ONE thing to care for…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

When high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


-"Fix You" By Coldplay

AN: I wasn't originally going to put the last scene in, but Elyvorg of Serebii gave me the idea.
So...Character developement, I think. Jeff's out of his annoying depression and yeah... stuff. xD
Also: WOO UNDER ONE POST FINALLY!!!
 
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Manaphyman

Up all night
I would review this one....but I need to catch up first.

I read the next 10 chapters, and I will give it to you straight.

You steadily improved throughout the fic, description letting up a bit for Chapters 4 and 5, but steadily imorving as you went on. Lenght also improved as the chapters went on, providing for a healthy lenght for your latest chappy.

Plotwise has been good, in fact, I beleive it is the strongest point in the fic. Some chapters that are from treeko's perspective are excellently written.

Your one weakness is your characthers gary-sun ness. You said in the begining of your latest chappy that you'd improve that, so fine.

Your almost there, but not yet....Keep improving, and I will be here every step of the way.
 

elyvorg

somewhat backwards.
Copied and pasted from the one you posted on Pokecommunity? Because in the pre-chapter comments, you're talking to people who aren't there. =P

Anyway, to the review.
I wasn't originally going to put the last scene in, but Elyvorg of Serebii gave me the idea.
And I am so glad that I did. It was brilliantly done, and really spiced up a chapter which would have been rather bland without it. I can certainly see why you've been fed up with having to write this one to move on.

So, Jeff's life changed by one hot shower? Nice to see he's facing reality again. I don't see how he can be considered a Gary-Stu myself, what with having been a bit of an *** since Kristie rejected him, and the sheer number of bad things that happen to him. Interesting to note how Corphish is the only one of his Pokémon currently happy to battle with him. I look forward to the development of Daedalus in terms of willingness to battle. And it was also rather ironic how Hitmonlee and Bayleef both wanted Jeff to do the complete opposite regarding Treecko. Of course, we all know which one he's going to please...

Can't really say too much else about the chapter given how fillerish it was, but I will say that you captured Jeff's awkwardness and indicisiveness well. As for the Treecko section, 'twas much longer and more in-depth than I expected it to be, and I loved it. I can't help liking Treecko, even if he can be an independent, selfish little bugger.

Though it's the thing you struggle on the most, your flow seems to be improving all the time. I only noticed one instance of jerkiness (well, I may have noticed more but I read the chapter a few hours ago and can't be bothered to look through it again for mistakes). It's here:
There was a gloomy aura accompanying the lightless abyss of the home. There was an eerie silence with the exception of one discouraging noise:
and it's a simple case of starting to consecutive sentences in exactly the same way. Be particularly careful with little mistakes in your first few paragraphs, as they're the ones most likely to be noticed because the readers aren't yet fully absorbed.

And I have a couple of other nitpicks that are tiny, really.
roughly twenty-three
I found it somewhat amusing how a figure of twenty-three can be considered rough.

My eyes… the yellow organs stared eternally into each other.
"organs" seemed like a really factual word to use in such an emotional situation; something more elaborate like "orbs" would perhaps fit better.

Anyway, enough of the nitpicks. I look forward to the next chapter, which you have so often promised will be brilliant. =D
 

Apotheosis

Seeker of Truth
A good chapter, but you seem to be inconsistent in how your character's internal thoughts are shown.

Sometimes you do it like this

"Other times you do it like this," Apotheosis thought.

But perhaps Griff should do it this way, Apotheosis thought.

Whatever way you decide to do, consistency is important. Anyway, I thought of a good song to fit Treecko at the moment, so here you go: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/hacksign/theworld.htm
 

bobandbill

Winning Smile
Staff member
Super Mod
HURRAH NO MORE EMO-JEFF!!! (at least for now)...

Nice to see that Treecko's also having second thoughts - it rounded out a really good chapter. Even though I predicted that Jeff would be less emo and decided to become a trainer again for at least a while in this chapter, AND that he would be cut down by the kids he was giving the talk to regarding his 'starter', it was well written and enjoyable, so I didn't have to worry about the predictability getting in the way.

Nice twist on having Sam's Pokemon being a Treecho. Very nice. Probaby the highlight of the chapter for me. :)

Good suggestion Elyvorg (BTW you double-posted...) for that last scene - it certainly made the chapter that much better. Loved it.

Nothing much - if anything - to nitpick here. I liked the idea that Jeff started reconsidering things while having a shower - I can relate to that (do maybe not Pokemon-wise). I did feel that the part leading up to Jeff's chat with Prof.'s students after that event was a bit dull, and it certainly was duller then the rest of the chapter. Maybe the tempo of those scenes let it down, may lacking some of the awesome description, maybe lacking action - I cannot pinpoint it but something made it worse - I guess you'd have a better chance of seeing it as you're the author. Maybe a combination of the three...?

Do disagree Manaphyman with Jeff referred to as a Gary-Stu - cannot see how you see that - maybe in the VERY early parts of the story, but certainly not afterwards...

Unfortunately the nitpick-able things I saw have already been nitpicked... bleh. Someone else better at spotting this stuff might see more, but it was a good work from you - nice description, good plot with a nice twist involving another Treecho, and some funny comic moments - and I thought that Jeff desereved everything he got - ie that problem caused by Hitmonlee/Bayleef making him promise two opposite things, and the kids cutting him down to size regarding his starter. :)

Keep it up. Please do.
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
A good chapter, but you seem to be inconsistent in how your character's internal thoughts are shown.

Sometimes you do it like this

"Other times you do it like this," Apotheosis thought.

But perhaps Griff should do it this way, Apotheosis thought.

Whatever way you decide to do, consistency is important. Anyway, I thought of a good song to fit Treecko at the moment, so here you go:
Alright Griffy, I'm caught up.

I basicaly agree with Apothesis here. That was the only problem I found with this chappy.

HURRAH NO MORE EMO-JEFF!!! (at least for now)...

Nice to see that Treecko's also having second thoughts - it rounded out a really good chapter. Even though I predicted that Jeff would be less emo and decided to become a trainer again for at least a while in this chapter, AND that he would be cut down by the kids he was giving the talk to regarding his 'starter', it was well written and enjoyable, so I didn't have to worry about the predictability getting in the way.

Nice twist on having Sam's Pokemon being a Treecho. Very nice. Probaby the highlight of the chapter for me.
YES, NO MORE EMO JEFF!!

I agree with bobandbill here with that stament and more. Nice plot twists. Sam's Treecko was also good.

I need to post earlier so I can properly review...
 

Griff4815

No. 1 Grovyle Fan
Copied and pasted from the one you posted on Pokecommunity? Because in the pre-chapter comments, you're talking to people who aren't there. =P

Anyway, to the review.

And I am so glad that I did. It was brilliantly done, and really spiced up a chapter which would have been rather bland without it. I can certainly see why you've been fed up with having to write this one to move on.

So, Jeff's life changed by one hot shower? Nice to see he's facing reality again. I don't see how he can be considered a Gary-Stu myself, what with having been a bit of an *** since Kristie rejected him, and the sheer number of bad things that happen to him. Interesting to note how Corphish is the only one of his Pokémon currently happy to battle with him. I look forward to the development of Daedalus in terms of willingness to battle. And it was also rather ironic how Hitmonlee and Bayleef both wanted Jeff to do the complete opposite regarding Treecko. Of course, we all know which one he's going to please...

Can't really say too much else about the chapter given how fillerish it was, but I will say that you captured Jeff's awkwardness and indicisiveness well. As for the Treecko section, 'twas much longer and more in-depth than I expected it to be, and I loved it. I can't help liking Treecko, even if he can be an independent, selfish little bugger.

Though it's the thing you struggle on the most, your flow seems to be improving all the time. I only noticed one instance of jerkiness (well, I may have noticed more but I read the chapter a few hours ago and can't be bothered to look through it again for mistakes). It's here:

and it's a simple case of starting to consecutive sentences in exactly the same way. Be particularly careful with little mistakes in your first few paragraphs, as they're the ones most likely to be noticed because the readers aren't yet fully absorbed.

And I have a couple of other nitpicks that are tiny, really.

I found it somewhat amusing how a figure of twenty-three can be considered rough.


"organs" seemed like a really factual word to use in such an emotional situation; something more elaborate like "orbs" would perhaps fit better.

Anyway, enough of the nitpicks. I look forward to the next chapter, which you have so often promised will be brilliant. =D
I editted out those pre-chapter comments xD

Thanks for the idea since it apparently made the chapter better, as you said. You can have that Grovyle lollipop that I offered earlier.

Or DO WE know who he's going to please *looks around shiftily*

And yeah, Treecko is a bit of a prick... a lovable prick at that. xP

Also, I'm happy to know I'm improving.

A good chapter, but you seem to be inconsistent in how your character's internal thoughts are shown.

Sometimes you do it like this

"Other times you do it like this," Apotheosis thought.

But perhaps Griff should do it this way, Apotheosis thought.

Whatever way you decide to do, consistency is important. Anyway, I thought of a good song to fit Treecko at the moment, so here you go: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/hacksign/theworld.htm
As for the thoughts when writing 3rd person (not limited) I use "This" or "<this, if a pokemon>"

When writing in 1st I ditch the "aigoiag" and the "<kjagvba>" and just use italics so I don't break up the 1st person flow.

Duly noted, though.

Also that is a pretty suiting song for Treecko. :p

HURRAH NO MORE EMO-JEFF!!! (at least for now)...

Nice to see that Treecko's also having second thoughts - it rounded out a really good chapter. Even though I predicted that Jeff would be less emo and decided to become a trainer again for at least a while in this chapter, AND that he would be cut down by the kids he was giving the talk to regarding his 'starter', it was well written and enjoyable, so I didn't have to worry about the predictability getting in the way.

Nice twist on having Sam's Pokemon being a Treecho. Very nice. Probaby the highlight of the chapter for me. :)

Good suggestion Elyvorg (BTW you double-posted...) for that last scene - it certainly made the chapter that much better. Loved it.

Nothing much - if anything - to nitpick here. I liked the idea that Jeff started reconsidering things while having a shower - I can relate to that (do maybe not Pokemon-wise). I did feel that the part leading up to Jeff's chat with Prof.'s students after that event was a bit dull, and it certainly was duller then the rest of the chapter. Maybe the tempo of those scenes let it down, may lacking some of the awesome description, maybe lacking action - I cannot pinpoint it but something made it worse - I guess you'd have a better chance of seeing it as you're the author. Maybe a combination of the three...?

Do disagree Manaphyman with Jeff referred to as a Gary-Stu - cannot see how you see that - maybe in the VERY early parts of the story, but certainly not afterwards...

Unfortunately the nitpick-able things I saw have already been nitpicked... bleh. Someone else better at spotting this stuff might see more, but it was a good work from you - nice description, good plot with a nice twist involving another Treecho, and some funny comic moments - and I thought that Jeff desereved everything he got - ie that problem caused by Hitmonlee/Bayleef making him promise two opposite things, and the kids cutting him down to size regarding his starter. :)

Keep it up. Please do.
Yay, No more "emo"-Jeff, indeed!!

Yeah those things were a bit predictable, although I was worried Sam's starter was predictable. I'm happy it wasn't :p

I think that the reason was that, upon the morning scene and upto the class scene, it felt admittedly rushed. Like I mentioned to Elyvorg, I just wanted to get by this chapter, but I put more effort into the Treecko scene because I was "feeling it [the chapter]" as I wrote that part.

Alright Griffy, I'm caught up.

I basicaly agree with Apothesis here. That was the only problem I found with this chappy.



YES, NO MORE EMO JEFF!!

I agree with bobandbill here with that stament and more. Nice plot twists. Sam's Treecko was also good.

I need to post earlier so I can properly review...
Sweet. (lol, 'Griffy' :p )

Should I add you to the PM list or should you just assume that there's a new chapter whenever it comes from out from the 2nd or 3rd page? xD


ANyways, Thanks all for reviewing! I'm moving out for 2-3 weeks but I'll still have internet access. I also think I'll finish this chapter within the week, no concrete promises, though.
 

DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
Jeff was taken aback by his friend's anger.
I’ll punch you in wherever it is that your mouth is!
walking towards his parents' bedroom.
Changed because Jeff does have two parents.
Okay, you guys go over to the ranch and hang out until we come out.
Didn’t she used to hang out with your friend Alan?
"Hangout" as one word is a noun.

I’ll answer any more questions outside!
it’s his fault, not yours.
See, this is what happens when everyone decides to update their chapters while I'm at a university residence life conference. I end up reviewing LATE and everyone already says what I was going to say.

First:
Your one weakness is your characthers gary-sun ness.
I believe you're thinking of the "Angst-Sue/Stu," the polar opposite of the Sue/Stu- the character where everything goes wrong for them, they can't ever catch a break, and generally have a gloomy outlook on life. They're usually the result of someone trying TOO hard not to make their character a Sue/Stu. It ends up that they're just as unrealistic as a Sue/Stu, but in the sense that it's hard to believe that anyone's life could be that crappy. And until this last chapter, Jeff was leaning toward that extreme.

emerging from it was a green pokemon; a green pokemon with a darker green thick tail, a red-pick chest and throat, and green lizard-like eyes.
This description was very list-like. Given how much Treecko plays an important role in your fic, I expected better...

“Wasn’t it Kristie from your class, Jeff? Didn’t she used to hangout with your friend Alan? She took a Torchic, I remember,” chimed in the annoyingly observant professor.
Way to open up a whole can of Wurmple, doc...

Well, it's a filler chapter, but one where Jeff finally decides to chin up and be a man. And you managed to avoid the whole "character is developing too quickly" trap by having him continually second-guess himself during the talk and battle.

The contrast between different pairs of characters- Daedalus and Corphish and their desire to battle, and Hitmonlee and Bayleef and their differing opinion of Treecko and whether Jeff should try to get him back.

Good bit of irony in having Sam use a Treecko of his own (which apparently was picked up by a starter trainer quicker than Jeff's was- must be the attitude.)

The scene at the end was nice, even though I think you made it less clear whether Treecko wants to return to Jeff's side. Ah, but that was probably your intention there, huh? Yes, and YAY FOR NO MORE EMO-JEFF!
 

Manaphyman

Up all night
I believe you're thinking of the "Angst-Sue/Stu," the polar opposite of the Sue/Stu- the character where everything goes wrong for them, they can't ever catch a break, and generally have a gloomy outlook on life. They're usually the result of someone trying TOO hard not to make their character a Sue/Stu. It ends up that they're just as unrealistic as a Sue/Stu, but in the sense that it's hard to believe that anyone's life could be that crappy. And until this last chapter, Jeff was leaning toward that extreme.
Yes, sorry, that what I was going for.....

Anyways, we finally get a break from all of that, as we have no more emo Jeff. I hope we see Jeff's life improving as the chapters go on.

Also...Since I am completely caught up....So pm list for me please!

Looking foward to the next chapter, heres hoping Jeff stays not emo!
 
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