New Breed Mountain (Rated PG)

[Riva]

This is a new type of fic I've been pondering with. Be warned, it is rated PG for mild violence and some intense moments.

About the pokemon. No, while they sound like it, they are not classified as shiny pokemon in the fic.

Please tell me what you think of the prolouge. Hope it excites you.

Prolouge: ​

For years Pokemon breeders have expeirimented with new and inventive ways of breeding their pokemon. Many were impressed with the pokemon bred by the famous Felina Ivy from Valencia Island. The pokemon she breed/took care of were brightly and differently colored from their mainland counterparts, and greatly envied and coveted. Years and years of breeding pokemon in countries that the pokemon were not indigous to, several of the pokemon began to "evolve" into different variations of themselves. They would Change shape and color and patteren, but they did not technically evolve. Soon most of these new breeds of colorful pokemon became very popular and high in demand. The breeders who accepted payment soon found that their pokemon were becoming wild and bittered against them until one day they went wild and ran off into the wilderness.

Ever since then, these pokemon have not been seen by humans again...

 

[The Doctor]

Too short to even count as a prologue. You really need to expand your writing more otherwise it's just SPAM.

Apparently, you still haven't read the rules of this forum, have you?

 

[Riva]

Yes I have. I'm just not good at this. -__-;;

 

[Air Dragon]

geez, calm down. the plot could be a bit more defined. so calm down picture the whole story from start to finish like a movie. and write on what you see in your mind's eye. The Doctor was right about the length though.One page at least should do it for the prologue and at least five MS Word pages per chapter. Take it easy. masterpieces don't come in a day. Later!

 

[Knut]

I think it's well written. I want to know what happens to these evolved pokémon (which actually didn't evolve).

 

[chrisivy]

What is this a paragraph? Just read the rules again. And read a five star maybe that will help you.
And whatever your doing is SPAM.

If you don't follow the rules, your gonna be in some trouble.

 

[Jetx]

If you don't follow the rules, your gonna be in some trouble.

Yeah, like you are now... Sorry, couldn't resist. xp

The pokemon she breed/took care of were brightly

Changed from present to past tence in mid sentence...

color and patteren

Ya, it's spelt pattern... Remember to read through.


It's far too short right now and I hardly see how you expect us to rate it. If you've read the rules, perhaps you should try to obey them.
The suspence at the end is one of the good bits. Another tip, using complicated words doesn't earn you a medal.

 

[spareux]

that their pokemon were becoming wild and bittered against them until one day they went wild and ran off into the wilderness.

Ever since then, these pokemon have not been seen by humans again...

I think you could have explained how exactly they went wild and escaped slightly better. It's just too plain for me. Did they break out of cages? Or were they allowed to raom about in a contained field until one day they found a way out? Was anyone hurt? etc. I did however like the line 'these Pokemon have never been seen by humans again...' makes me want to know what happens.

Also I noticed a capital at 'Change shape and colour' which I doubt is meant to be there, unless 'Change' is what you are planning on naming the process in which the Pokemon became different.

Just improve on the length and description and it should be fine, imo.