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New Organizations of the Pokemon World

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srebak

Beginning Trainer
Here, you can create new organizations of the Pokemon world. They can be Good or Evil, your choice

What do you think of my idea? Be honest, but don't be rude.

The Foot Clan:

The Foot clan are a combination of a secret organization, an ancient cult and a criminal syndacyte. They started out as simple secret cult that had some kind of grudge against Pokemon. But over time, they evolved into a full fledged secret organization. With 2 goals; controlling the world as far as the eye can see. And their most important goal; ridding the earth of all Pokemon. (Like in TMNT) Their leader is an evil man, named Oroku Saki AKA The Shredder (But unlike TMNT, he's completely human). Their attempts to complete these goals are done by weapons made from technology they created from scratch. Unlike Teams Aqua, Magma and Rocket, the Foot have branched out everywhere. Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Shinou, even in the Orange Islands. Also, they're the real reason Team Rocket couldn't branch out to Hoenn region. They manage to set up so many outposts in Hoenn, Team Rocket was forced to flee the whole region. But that's really something Giovanni finds embarassing and refuses to talk about. Despite their rivalry, every now and again, Team Rocket and the Foot band together for their own selfish reasons. Only for the Foot to betray Team Rocket every time. The Foot Clan have 4 basic levels in the organization. The first being the apprentices, beginners who have just joined the group. The second being the basic ninjas who are the foot soldiers for the organization. The third are those who help build the Foot's Technology. And the 4th being the Foot clan high command and field leaders, who help complete important missions. To this day, the Foot clan is a great threat to Ash, his friends and his Pokemon.

P.S. Back when he was 5, Ash was a member and became their most fearsome warrior after a long period of training. He once served as Oroku Saki's right hand boy and chief enforcer for the Foot. Up until he was 7 and left the Foot.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
(But unlike TMNT, he's completely human).

OMG I SUGGEST YOU UN NEWBFANBOI and WATCH THE ORIGINAL CARTOONS AND MOVIES.

For Shredder was completely human in them. Gawd. I suggest you stop ripping off a cartoon/movie series that has had its name drug through the mud enough thanks to the people 'remaking' the series, and actually make something original.

I also suggest you read the rules, advice for aspiring authors, and place your threads more carefully next time.

And lastly. I report this :/
 

DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
In addition to what Yami said, HOW IN SAM'S HILL DOES A FIVE-YEAR-OLD BECOME A DEADLY NINJA? Unless the "Ash" in your storyline happens to be a super-powerful mutant himself, most adults would have no problem overpowering him, regardless of whatever "mad skillz" he may have. And th Foot can't be all that deadly if they've sunk so low as to recruiting KINDERGARTEN STUDENTS.

Also, no paragraphing, bad grammar, too many run-on sentences, and this is far too short to count even as a prologue.

I really don't see how this can be improved, as you have a very implausible storyline to begin with. Even if you do get rid of the whole "Ash used to be a member" thing, I think this will need MUCH improvement if you ever intend to do an actual story about this.
 
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