nintendomon

[dragon_eye_2006]

this story takes place in the mushroom kingdom where mario luigi and peach are talking. they see on the news that creatures called pokemon are flooding the land. they are also learning that bowser is trying to take over the region... again. he is planning to use the pokemon for evil. with these new creatures they have to stop bowser and save the mushroom kingdom.

 

[Psychic]

The Rules.
Advice for Aspiring Authors.


If you click on those sets of words, you will be teleported to a magical place where well-described Pikachu and Roselia prance about in flower groves and Growlithe and Electrike roll around happily.

There, you will be able to drink from the Fountain of Knowledge. Your barin will become bigger and will be able to hold more, and valueble, information.

Once you have done so, your mind will blossom open. You will see the possibilities. You will bask in happiness. You will be loved and respected, maybe even looked up to.



All it takes is twenty minutes of your time. What do you say? Do you want to give it a shot? Try using proper grammar, paragraphing, capitalization? Describing the things that take place in the story? Giving the characters personalities and emotions?
NOT writing brief summaries that feel like information in a textbook.


So, how about it?

~Psychic

 

[Imperial_Furret]

Boy. So maneh things. But up front, don't have something under a paragraph long, and don't type it in the reply box. Look through it, and read the stickies before posting anything

Secondly off, use description. What do Peach, Mario, and Luigi look like? What are they talking about? Where are they? (The mushroom kindgdom is like a country- it's like saying that they were somewhere in the U.S., and climate affects alot. If you're in the Sahharah Dessert, or if you're in Alaska.) What does Bowser look like? Why were they watching the news? And put some dialouge in there, as well. I'd go on, but it's too shameful.

Thirdly, what kind of story is this? I mean really, you don't reavel the whole plot in less than a paragraph.

Fourthly, I all but know that you'll ignore this/Reply back with 'witty' comments. Don't. Take my advise, and accept that your story is crap. There are much harsher reivewers than I that will do much worse than I can or will ever type. So condsider yourself luck that you didn't get them.